When Depression is in your bed

What if the most transformative part of a “conscious life” isn’t the serene moments—but the messy ones where you feel flooded, triggered, and ready to explode? I share a raw, real story about a birthday plan gone sideways, how a sold-out ticket spiraled into rage and self-blame, and the small, steady thread that kept me from making the night worse: a ventral narrator offering compassion and gentle reminders through a more grounded lens. We break down the nervous system in practical terms—ven...

Rest doesn’t have to mean sleeping in or finding a three-hour window for a nap when time is not something you have in excess. We reframe rest as a spectrum of accessible practices that fit into busy, real lives—rooted in the nervous system, informed by your inner wisdom, culture and community, and designed to restore capacity without adding pressure. Drawing on a polyvagal perspective, we explore how to move from shutdown or overdrive into “safely still,” and why even 90 seconds of breath, gr...

Rest represents one of our most fundamental needs, yet access to it remains profoundly unequal. Some can freely embrace rest without judgment, while others face criticism, shame, and real-world consequences for the same basic human necessity. This stark reality forms the foundation of what I call "the politics of rest." Who gets to rest without being labeled lazy? Who can take mental health days without facing scrutiny? These aren't neutral questions but deeply political ones shaped by syste...

What happens when we slow down in a society obsessed with constant motion? After spending eight transformative days in retreat settings, I've gained powerful insights about rest that challenge everything our culture teaches us about productivity and success. The truth is startling: our nervous systems are designed for cycles of activity and rest, yet modern life rarely allows for genuine restoration. We celebrate those who "burn the candle at both ends" while dismissing periods of stillness ...

What do mosh pits have to do with mental health? Everything, at least that's how it turned out for me. From the moment I stepped into my first mosh pit at Woodstock '94 with my dad at age 14, something profound happened—I felt alive again. As a chronically depressed teenager trapped in that collapsed, shutdown state, the vibration of bass against my chest, the permission to move freely without being watched, and the immediate acceptance of a community of strangers offered somethi...

Gratitude might be the relationship superpower you're overlooking. In this heartfelt exploration, we dive into how deliberately practicing appreciation transforms relationships from the inside out. Your brain naturally fixates on problems—it's biology, not a character flaw. This negativity bias served our ancestors well for survival but wreaks havoc in modern relationships. When something upsets us, our nervous system responds as though facing physical danger, triggering fight, flight, or fr...

Why do so many couples fight in cars? After a breathtaking but occasionally tense family road trip along the Pacific Coast Highway, I discovered something fascinating about car conflicts that completely changed my perspective. Driving requires a unique blend of nervous system states - we need both calm groundedness (ventral vagal) and energized alertness (sympathetic) to navigate safely. But this delicate balance can easily tip toward dysregulation when fatigue, hunger, time pressure, or dan...

Have you ever caught yourself thinking your relationship will never change? That moment of hopelessness is precisely what makes breakthrough moments of connection so powerful—when something shifts and you glimpse what's possible through conscious partnership. In this vulnerable and insightful episode, I share a recent experience that validated years of relationship work with my husband. After two chaotic weeks dealing with a flooded basement, a sick child with pneumonia, missed family visits...

Grief has its own timeline. And sometimes, the most profound revelations about loss emerge from unexpected places—like a flooded basement. When contractors tore out the flooring and walls of what had been my late father's living space, I experienced a surprising wave of emotion. Though he had passed nearly five years earlier, that basement remained "Dad's room" in our family's daily conversations. The physical dismantling of this space triggered a grief experience that felt both familiar and...

What we believe about our relationships can become self-fulfilling prophecies. The notion that "past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior" might seem logical, but it ignores our capacity for growth and conscious choice. Through a candid glimpse into my own marriage, I share how a flooded basement became an unexpected opportunity to break old patterns. When my husband discovered our underwater basement, I felt the familiar pull toward our dance of dysregulation—him upset, me tryi...

Have you ever had a moment of startling clarity about how the people closest to you actually experience you? That's exactly what happened when my six-year-old daughter observed my husband and me dancing in our kitchen and declared we were "in rare form." Those three words stopped me in my tracks. As someone who considers herself playful and lighthearted, I was struck by the realization that my children rarely witness that side of my relationship with my husband. Our playful moments typically...

Six months into the "When Depression Is In Your Bed" podcast, I realized I'd barely touched on one of the most significant aspects of depression in relationships—the impact on sexual intimacy and physical connection. The bed isn't just where we sleep; it's where we dream, where we struggle with insomnia or can't find the energy to rise, and where we reach for connection with our partners. Physical intimacy becomes particularly fascinating when viewed through the lens of nervous system regula...

Discover the relationship-transforming power of "staying out of your stories" - a skill that can fundamentally change how you navigate conflicts with your partner. This episode reveals how our nervous systems create automatic narratives during tense moments that feel absolutely true but often lead us astray. When conflict emerges, our brains instantly attach meaning to what's happening, creating stories that feel justified and accurate. But these narratives are heavily influenced by our curr...

Feeling constantly disappointed by your partner—or feeling like you're always the one disappointing them? This painful dynamic shows up in nearly every relationship, creating a loop of frustration that can feel impossible to escape. As a therapist and someone who's lived this pattern in my own marriage, I can tell you there's a way out. The breakthrough comes from understanding what's actually happening in your nervous system during these interactions. When you feel disappointed, your body m...

Discover the relationship dynamic that may be silently sabotaging your connection with your partner. In this eye-opening exploration, I reveal how well-intentioned efforts to help our partners often create a painful pattern where one person feels chronically disappointed while the other internalizes being the disappointment. Drawing from my personal journey through marital separation and reconciliation, I share how this revelation transformed my approach to conflict. When my husband struggle...