Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Esther talks to a woman who was passed over for a promotion, again. She straddles two cultures and finds that it is impacting her work and her personal life more than she realized. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When a tragedy shakes their church and their community, both the preacher and his wife try to put the pieces back together for themselves and his congregation. This is the second part of a special two-part episode. This episode contains discussions of a death by suicide. Please take care listening. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

She has never quite fit into the mold of the preacher's wife in their small town. He has put his self-worth solely into his career, as a bandaid over deep-seated childhood insecurities. They have never been able to come to terms with the resentment they both experience. This is the first part of a special two-part episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this Esther Calling, we meet a woman who feels that her brother's wife is standing in the way of her relationship with her brother. For years, she has compared the closeness she shares with her brother to all of her romantic relationships. And because of it she has found herself single, time and time again. Esther talks her through the question she came with about her brother, "If you really understood and loved me, why would you choose her?" Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is a classic session of Where Should We Begin from season 1. They're grandparents, with a 40+ year love story and a stable, happy marriage. But one of them had quite a few secrets. Now, with everything out in the open, they’re hoping Esther can help them work through some of the residual shame, guilt, and pain. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A woman in her 40s talks to Esther about a crossroads in her life. She has begun a relationship with a supportive and loving partner, but without the constant roller coaster of emotions she's used to, she wonders if there’s something missing. Or is there something wrong with her? Esther Callings are a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when you transgress the one boundary you never thought you would? In this week's Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman who began an emotional affair after 10 years with her partner. She has since found herself alone and devastated by her own actions, unable to forgive herself or move on from the pain that she caused. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to producer@estherperel.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A couple, together a decade, with three young children. He reached out because a year after the discovery of his affair, they aren’t fighting anymore, but they certainly haven’t moved on. Esther’s not convinced they’ve ever really been able to hear each other. Can they recover from this? And do both of them really want to? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

They knew each other as kids. He grew up in a house where love was never a guarantee. She had the seemingly perfect family and all the love in the world. They've recently begun a romantic relationship as adults, but still can't seem to find their footing and separate themselves from their vastly different histories. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this Esther Calling, Esther talks to a woman looking for clarity on whether she's being overly sensitive to her partner's critiques or if he is, in fact, gaslighting her. She has struggled with boundary setting before and she wonders if she is repeating the pattern here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

He donated sperm to help a friend start her family. A decade later that gift shattered his own. Esther talks through the consequences of a secret. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Every Monday morning step into the office of psychotherapist Esther Perel. Each week on Where Should We Begin?, hear real couples in search of insight bare the intimate details of their lives. From break-ups and open relationships to workplace conflicts and fractures in the family listen in and start new conversations in your own relationships. New episodes begin July 10th. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In a Where Should We Begin first, Esther sits down with two friends. They’ve been close for so long they feel like brothers, with all of the baggage that comes with family but none of the certainty. There are things that go unspoken between them, issues they have skimmed over in their two decades of friendship. Esther creates the space for the conversation they didn't know quite where to begin. This session was recorded in collaboration with NPR's Invisibilia and a sibling episode with Esther can be heard on their podcast this week as well.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

[Contains mature themes] After a discovery in her doctor's office, a woman realizes her husband has been unfaithful. While betrayed and angry, she still feels a desire to stick it out for the sake of the kids. He, meanwhile, is desperate to find a way back to her. Esther takes them back to their upbringings and the years before the infidelities to find a place of mutual compassion. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

[Contains mature themes] A husband and wife met while deeply committed to the evangelical faith and didn’t kiss until their wedding day; for her, that kiss felt like “kissing her brother.” Esther gets creative in an effort to help them create a new sexual relationship. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this session Esther counsels a couple torn apart by the war in Ukraine. Young sons divided between a mother who leaves for the sake of her youngest. And a father who stays with the oldest for the sake of their country.  This episode was done in partnership with The International Trauma Studies Program and One Ukraine.  (Ukrainian and English language transcripts available at http://www.estherperel.com/love-in-war-en) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We first met them three seasons ago in the painful aftermath of an infidelity. She was diagnosed with an STD during a routine visit to her OBGYN, leading to the revelation that her husband had been visiting sex workers. Four years later, they’re still together, but old wounds persist. Transcripts for this episode are available at https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-s5-episode10. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this latest episode of Esther Calling, we meet a young woman looking for advice on how to stand up for herself in a fraught and traumatic relationship with her mother. She worries the trauma and violence she experienced in upbringing is dictating how she responds to authority figures elsewhere in her life. The transcript for this episode is available at https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-esther-calling-i-need-her-to-see-me . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode of Esther Calling, Esther meets a man who’s never been in a relationship for more than five months. As he approaches age 40, he knows the reason lies with him, and not the women he’s dating. Esther encourages him to look back and see if the clues can be found in his early parental relationships. Perhaps the work starts there. The transcript for this episode is available at https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-esther-calling-still-single-at-40. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Esther says in this session, “a love story is between two people, a marriage engages an entire community of people.“ Here we see how that plays out when the relationship in question is the result of an affair; when it means the dissolution of two prior marriages and the breaking up families. How does this couple write their own two-person love story when there’s "an entire community of people" with a stake in the plot? The transcript for this episode is available at https://www.estherperel.com/podcasts/wswb-s5-episode9. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices