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Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
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Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Author: Esther Perel Global Media & Gimlet

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Step into iconic couples therapist Esther Perel's office and listen as real couples anonymously bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their story. From infidelity, to sexlessness, to loss, it's a space for people to be heard and understood. It's also a place for us to listen and feel empowered in our own relationships. So.. where should we begin?
29 Episodes
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They left each other emotionally years ago, but with three kids they have been trying to keep it together. For the last two weeks they find themselves confined to a small apartment in Sicily, Italy — he bears the brunt of the domestic duties at home all day. She must report to the hospital every day to help usher in new life as a midwife. Esther helps them come to terms with what these next few months could look like if they learn to communicate with one another in ways that might save their relationship.
Today we’re sharing the first episode of Esther Perel’s new show How’s Work? In it, Esther sits down with coworkers, cofounders and colleagues, and brings her inimitable perspective to workplace relationships and conflicts. You can listen to all episodes right now for free on Spotify and weekly everywhere else. https://smarturl.it/hows-work In this episode, friends and fellow dancers at a strip club: one brings years of experience, the other a youthful energy that turns angry at times. They’re here to talk about boundaries that are crossed, educating “civilians" about their work, family acceptance, and how they'll transition from the sex work industry into professional careers. Can sex work be a bullet point on a resume?
Happily Divorced

Happily Divorced

2019-11-2154:1042

They’re a divorced couple whose two-household relationship may prove that a happy family doesn’t have to end with divorce.
Mom and Monique

Mom and Monique

2019-11-1450:4115

They’re a child desperate to connect with their single mother after 28 years of living in the shadow of a special-needs brother.
A Romantic Revival

A Romantic Revival

2019-11-0745:0524

He’s away a lot. She’s a stepmother at home to four children whose mother died by suicide. Is there anything left over for her?
The Other Woman

The Other Woman

2019-10-3146:3641

She wonders if she can satisfy her attraction to women without losing the husband she loves.
A Small Town Affair

A Small Town Affair

2019-10-2447:2231

Their relationship started with an affair that ended two marriages. Now they wonder if there’s enough trust there to build something stable together.
Young Love

Young Love

2019-10-1747:2423

She lives in Mexico, he lives in the US. Their immigration status has forced them to consider marriage sooner than they might have planned.
Season Three Trailer

Season Three Trailer

2019-03-0845:284

A new season of Where Should We Begin?
Almost two years ago her husband was diagnosed with early onset Parkinson's Disease. They have three kids, a mortgage to pay, and he has developed some compulsive behaviors he isn't proud of. Esther helps them learn how to turn off the caregiver, and remember they are much more than that to each other.
[Contains mature themes] After a discovery in her doctor's office, a woman realizes her husband has been unfaithful. While betrayed and angry, she still feels a desire to stick it out for the sake of the kids. He, meanwhile, is desperate to find a way back to her. Esther takes them back to their upbringings and the years before the infidelities to find a place of mutual compassion.
[Contains mature themes] They’ve been together for more than a decade, but this isn’t the first time they’ve separated. Stuck in a cycle of explosive escalations, a husband and wife want to make it work but can’t break their habit of going for the emotional jugular. Esther encourages them to start their conversations differently.
[Contains mature themes] What began as an eight-year affair between two women has stretched into a 19-year partnership. But despite their private commitment to one another, they’ve never quite managed to move beyond the shame of their origin story. Esther takes a novel approach to revealing a long-held secret.
Leaving the Shame Behind

Leaving the Shame Behind

2018-03-3046:2510

A young couple has endured a series of crises early in their marriage, from a benign brain tumor to a serious car crash to the husband’s near-fatal heart attack. Following his recovery, he’s adapting to new physical limitations, while she says the children bear the brunt of his frustrations. Esther coaches them through an honest conversation on anger, parenthood and the power of apology.
[Contains mature themes] An on-again, off-again couple in their fifties, dating in a post-divorce landscape, are struggling with different world views, priorities and sexual interests. Recognizing that their polarized dynamic takes the fun out of spending time together, Esther guides both towards less rigid perspectives.
I Want to Feel Wanted

I Want to Feel Wanted

2018-03-1647:3315

After ten years, a husband tells his wife he no longer wishes to be married. A month later, stuck in limbo, they come to Esther. She helps them have an honest conversation about their expectations, desires, and the ways in which their role as parents has left little room for intimacy.
[Contains mature themes] A husband and wife are united in their desire to help their daughter, two years after she suffered a breakdown and moved home, shutting herself off from her family and friends. Esther urges them to examine the way pressure and expectations – no matter how well-intentioned – can shape a child’s upbringing.
[Contains mature themes] A woman realizes she doesn’t want to have children and comes to Esther for help expressing this to her husband, who passionately wishes to be a father. But often the stories people come in with are not the ones they take home.
[Contains mature themes] A newly-married couple comes to Esther for guidance on how to create a space of safety and physical intimacy, while also giving voice to past trauma.
Sexlessness

Sexlessness

2017-11-1734:4723

[Contains mature themes] A couple are first-generation children of immigrants, raised to believe sex should only take place in a marriage. Now that sex isn’t forbidden, it’s deeply uninteresting…to one of them.
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Comments (160)

Keerthi L.S.

I could be wrong, but it felt like esther was forcing her view of the woman onto her... I dont think she necessarily agreed to having a superiority complex, but esther kept coming back to that point.

Apr 4th
Reply

Grace Awino

Love and Love your podcast!

Mar 12th
Reply

Grace Awino

Honestly, I love this Podcast but kindly kindly...someone tell us when Indians have been subject to racism in Kenya!Indians have privilege and own a lot of resources and discriminate Africans. That said, Indians have been and are part of Kenyan community!! We just grew up and knowing we have Kenyan Indians.You were simply privileged that's why you could move and on any day, being a single mother is hard for anyone. But then again its wrong to say such ugly things but I stand to be corrected on this systemic violence( racism).

Jan 22nd
Reply

Regina Kungu

Honestly, I am from Kenya and I have never heard on Kenyans been racist especially to Indians. If anything, Indians are the people who treat Kenyans harshly mostly because most of the time they are the people who offer employment to most Kenyans.

Jan 22nd
Reply (2)

Rennie !!

I'm glad this couple was able to free themselves of other people's rules for marriage

Dec 16th
Reply (1)

Elaine Chang

"You have no idea what it's like to have hardships and not be alone. And neither does he." She's a genius listener.

Dec 5th
Reply (1)

Vongai Doby

I love your Podcast wish you could post more episodes per day

Nov 23rd
Reply

Janette Jones

POWERFUL💔😔👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

Nov 20th
Reply (2)

Janette Jones

Thank you Monique, Mom, & Esther for your amazing insights. I had difficulty understanding much of what Monique shared, through the pain of her tears which impacted my understanding of the entire story and processing.

Nov 20th
Reply (1)

Niels Wee

Please also make how's work available other places than Spotify :)

Nov 16th
Reply

S N

The Psychologist sounds very biased against the man. She is quite rude to the man and doesn't let him fully explain himself.

Nov 15th
Reply

Katabatic

💔

Nov 8th
Reply (2)

Billy r

damn this hit close to home

Oct 31st
Reply (1)

Little Bird

23:13 onwards is very insightful

Oct 28th
Reply

daisy

I love this podcast, so glad there are new episodes

Oct 26th
Reply

cloudy

sounds like they need an affair w/ each other, Gregory should swoop in

Oct 23rd
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dp

this wife was oblivious. now shes milking the victim card.

Oct 4th
Reply (3)

dp

and a wife who "has no idea" that her husbamd has had about 50 affairs is partly responsible. She was clearly oblivious. not engaged at all with him. ignoring him. neglecting him. how does that translate? if the situation were reversed, all the women would be saying..well..he took her for granted and she did what she needed. The double standard is crazy. Women have no more emotional intelligence or relationship savvy than men do.thats just a handed down falsehood. Used to get benefit of the doubt but now that we have to scrutinize guys so much in the meetoo era, its time to scrutinize womens behaviors too and hold them accountable for their actions or inactions or intentions..as well.

Oct 4th
Reply (2)

Letisha Singh

I'm a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist and this is honestly the most engaging podcast I've ever listened to. Esther handles each "session" with such curiosity, sensitivity and empathy and really allows each couple the space to explore their issue with her as the prism through which they ,sometimes, see their relationship for the very first time. In technikolor. Brilliantly done. You inspire me as a therapist Esther. Thank you.

Oct 2nd
Reply (1)

dp

Couple things. I think the poor bastard is being held 100% responsible, and he needs to grovel and kneel at her throne of forgiveness.But its VERY telling to me, that she had NO idea about 20+ years of his carrying on with sexual partners. The key is no idea. this tells me that she was not paying attention to him. And human beings if neglected, either with physical or emotional needs simply will look elsewhere. she is partly responsible and I heard nothing about that as usual. The victim. Marriage is 50 50. good or bad.

Sep 30th
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