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Wolf 359

Author: Kinda Evil Genius Productions

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Life's not easy for Doug Eiffel, the communications officer for the U.S.S. Hephaestus Research Station, currently on Day 448 of its orbit around red dwarf star Wolf 359. He's stuck on a scientific survey mission of indeterminate length, 7.8 light years from Earth. His only company on board the station are stern mission chief Minkowski, insane science officer Hilbert, and Hephaestus Station's sentient, often malfunctioning operating system Hera. He doesn't have much to do for his job other than monitoring static and intercepting the occasional decades-old radio broadcast from Earth, so he spends most of his time creating extensive audio logs about the ordinary, day-to-day happenings within the station. But the Hephaestus is an odd place, and life in extremely isolated, zero gravity conditions has a way of doing funny things to people's minds. Even the simplest of tasks can turn into a gargantuan struggle, and the most ordinary-seeming things have a way of turning into anything but that. Wolf 359 is a radio drama in the tradition of Golden Age of Radio shows. Take one part space-faring adventure, add one part character drama, and mix in one part absurdist sitcom, and you get Wolf 359. New episodes are released every two weeks.




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96 Episodes
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Hello Dear Listeners!  We're re-activating the Wolf 359 feed for a very special announcement from the man of a thousand voices himself, Zach Valenti. The creative team behind Wolf 359 has just released a brand-new audio drama anthology series called Zero Hours.  We think it's pretty neat, and so we wanted share the first episode, which features a couple other voices you're probably familiar with...  We hope you enjoy, and you can check out the rest of Zero Hours at www.zerohourspodcast.com.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Hello Dear Listeners!  We are revisiting the Wolf 359 feed for a very special, very exciting announcement! The creative team behind Wolf 359 has just released a brand-new audio fiction fantasy series called Unseen.  The premise behind the show is simple: in a world where magic is real but invisible to almost everyone, the few magical beings that do exist struggle, every day, just to be seen. We're very proud of this new series, and so we wanted share the first episode with all of you. We hope you enjoy "Never-Ending Circles," written and directed by Gabriel Urbina, the creator of Wolf 359!  And if you do enjoy this first installment, and you can check out the rest of Unseen at www.Unseen.Show. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Hello Dear Listeners! It’s Doug Eiffel.. also known Executive Producer and actor Zach Valenti here with a brief announcement. Wolf 359 has been finished for… oh man, almost four years now. When Gabriel and I first set out to make the show in early 2014, we were fresh out of film school and excited to tell big, ambitious stories… but without the means to do so in film or TV. But having grown up on a steady diet of radio plays and full-cast audiobooks, and seeing the success of modern audio fiction podcasts, we decided to try our hands at making movies for your ears.Several years and credit cards later, we were shocked by the groundswell of support of you, our amazing listeners. By the time we published the finale, the monthly Patreon funds completely reimbursed all our debt and allowed us to make more of the show than we ever dreamed of while paying everyone involved in the series a modest sum for their hard work.All the while, we’ve kept Wolf 359 completely ad free. While it took a long, long time for ads to even be an option, we felt it was important to keep the listening experience as uninterrupted as possible while we were actively publishing.Four years later, though, we see an opportunity to turn the modest sum we’ve been able to pay the people that made this series into a meaningful sum. We’ve never stopped looking for ways for all the talented humans responsible for Wolf 359 to share in its success. And with the series being downloaded more than ever, we feel that now is the time to run the great advertising experiment.And so, beginning on Wednesday, October 6th, you’ll start to hear a minute or two of advertisements before the start and after the end of most episodes of Wolf 359. Some episodes may even contain mid-roll where we find an appropriate space for an ad break.We want to let you know this change is coming, and that the version of the feed you have now, much like the Hephaestus itself, is about to go through an overhaul. We also want you to know that we’re running this experiment for one reason only: to get money into the hands of the amazing artists who worked on this show, both for their contributions to the series, and so they can all go make more amazing art in podcasting and beyond.If that’s exciting to you, we’ll be running a listener survey sometime in the next month and would really love your participation. It should only take about 5 minutes and will go a long way towards making this experiment a success. If you want to be notified when the survey is ready, just enter your email at www.wolf359.fm/survey and we'll drop you a line when it's hot off the press.And if you would like to help us do that and listen to the show without hearing any ads, well, the good news is: you can! Or… you will be able to real soon. We’re working with Patreon to bring back our old creator page, where for just $1 a month, you will have access to an ad-free feed of Wolf 359. Keep an eye on this feed, as well as our Twitter page @Wolf359Radio for news on that front.Alright! That’s all for now. As ever, thank you so much for listening.https://www.wolf359.fm/news/2021/10/5/the-great-advertising-experiment See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
New to Wolf 359? Don't know where you should start listening? Here's the orientation you need for your deep space adventure: how to get started, what to look out for, and how to get the best Wolf 359 experience.For a text version of this guide, please visit www.wolf359.fm/starter-guide See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
This is a behind-the-scenes look into the making of the final episode of Wolf 359, produced by Rebecca Seidel. Featuring interviews with its cast and crew, and never-before-heard audio from the studio recording sessions for Brave New World.Note: This special behind-the-scenes extra contains spoilers for Episode 61, Brave New World. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
We finally broke through the last of our technical hiccups, friends, and could not be more excited to share with you the brand new(/old) Wolf 359 Ad-Free feed. To access the whole run of the show without ads, head on over to wolf359.fm/support. Or just keep listening to the show on your podcatcher of choice. We're not the boss of you. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Our premiere episode. Officer Doug Eiffel, communications officer on board the U.S.S. Hephaestus Station, is willing to go to any lengths to procrastinate his work. Tasked with a pointless hunt for alien intelligence, Eiffel would much rather spend his time complaining about the station’s malfunctioning autopilot system and making sure his stash of contraband cigarettes doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. But when his instruments start picking up a mysterious radio signal from an unidentified source, Eiffel begins to wonder if someone - or something – could be trying to communicate with the Hephaestus. Plus, explosions, dangerous experiments,  non-destructive hair driers, handy-dandy tips for surviving in outer space, and creative interpretations for the word coffee. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
When Eiffel discovers that there’s only one tube of toothpaste remaining on board the Hephaestus, he realizes that a delicate situation is upon the crew. His solution? Steal the toothpaste, barricade the door to the comms room, and hope for the best. How far are Commander Minkowski and Doctor Hilbert willing to go to recover the vital hygiene product? Plus, subzero temperatures, unique negotiating tactics, hydrochloric acid, Winston Churchill misquoting, and Peter Sellers playing a Gameboy. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
  The time arrives for another one of Dr. Hilbert’s infamous biannual physical and wellness checks, causing Eiffel and Minkowski to descend into a state of panic. With life and limb on the line, they each find creative ways to delay the inevitable: Eiffel through one of his patented mendacity-filled schemes, Minkowski through a very unusual discovery in the station’s greenhouse. Plus, manual resets, meditations on the effects of sticks and stones, anesthetics, the limits of anesthetics, and spinal fluid samples.   See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Eiffel takes a quick trip to the exterior of the Hephaestus in pursuit of a cleaner reading of one of the mysterious space transmissions. Things seem to be going well – until an unexpected stellar flare leaves Eiffel stranded outside of the station. Will Commander Minkowski be willing to launch a dangerous rescue mission to save her communications officer? Plus, air guitar solos, dramatic irony, complimentary electroshock therapy, jetpacks, and the realm of the Alpha and the Omega. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
A mysterious illness strikes Eiffel, quickly leaving him out of commission and bedridden. It falls on Dr. Hilbert’s medical expertise to find some way to get the Communications Officer back to full health. But as the days go by, Eiffel begins to suspect that something more sinister is afoot and starts to question whether Hilbert is curing the disease or causing it. Plus, medicinal lozenges, morbilliform, the full Nick Riviera, swollen glands, and looking on the bright, sunshiny side.   See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
The Hephaestus Mission reaches its 500th day since launch, and Eiffel is determined to make the most of the occasion. His celebration is cut short, however, when a power outage knocks out Hera and all of the station’s automated systems. The crew must find a way to get the station’s central processor back online, and Eiffel stumbles onto a new mystery in the process. Plus, homemade walkie-talkies, Hammer Horror, dance cards, Stephen King FM, and barreling towards certain death.   See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
When Minkowski and Hera get into a fight, Eiffel decides to stay out of the way until the dust settles. But the station’s deadly mutant plant monster stowaway somehow gains control of Doctor Hilbert’s mind, and it soon becomes clear that the crew has an emergency on their hands. Can Eiffel and his dubious interpersonal relationship skills patch things up between the Commander and the operating system before something goes disastrously wrong? Plus, Olympic obstinacy, wire-tapping, the peril-o-meter, mustard, and Doug’s Swiss Ass.   See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Eiffel takes some time from his busy schedule to answer third graders' questions. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Episode 8: Box 953

Episode 8: Box 953

2014-10-3124:41

  In accordance with protocol and the need to maintain crew morale, Minkowski insists on holding another of her infamous talent shows. Both Eiffel and Hilbert come up with schemes to weasel their way out of having to participate, but neither of their plans goes quite as expected. The resulting day is more dangerous, more mysterious, and more musical than either one of them could have ever expected. Plus, eye-less Russian dolls, biochemistry, unnamed megafauna specimen 58, classics of 19th century opera, and homemade ice cream.   See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
As the Hephaestus begins a hazardous passage through an ion wind cluster, Eiffel is surprised to discover a message from the mission higher-ups waiting for him in the Communications Room. When the decoded message turns out to be a cryptic and unintelligible warning about something only identified as the “Empty Man”, the crew struggles to pick an appropriate course of action. What is Command trying to tell them? And who, or what, is the “Empty Man”? Plus, designation alpha, crazy wamajama, riders on the storm, flying blind, and going Big Bad Wolf on a straw house. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Eiffel decides that he wants to step up his game and play a more active role in documenting life on the Hephaestus. His newfound enthusiasm is soon tested when an unscheduled explosion puts a hole in one of the station’s walls and uncovers a mysterious, concealed laboratory on board the spacecraft. As the crew explores the hidden room and uncovers data on its previous occupants, Eiffel is forced to confront one of his fears. Plus, mobile reportage, Charlotte’s lab, the Creepus Maximus, slimy, hairy, and extremely high levels of toxicity.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
In a set of short stories, we get to see what the Hephaestus crew does when they are by themselves. Doctor Hilbert tells a joke and ponders a question. Hera plays a game. Eiffel takes a test. Minkowski sends a message. Plus, floating on a tin can, magic lamps, disappearing terrarriums, programming loopholes, and the HAL 9000 touch.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Episode 12: Deep Breaths

Episode 12: Deep Breaths

2014-12-2420:562

Part one of two. It's Christmas Day on the Hephaestus. While Minkowski does her best to approximate a traditional holiday dinner, Eiffel decides he's going to try to smoke his last cigarette. Both plans are put on hold, however, when Dr. Hilbert stumbles upon a major discovery. Plus, impenetrable darkness, the blunt approach, sanitized pagan rituals, caller ID, and the last of the real turkey. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Episode 13: Gas Me Twice

Episode 13: Gas Me Twice

2014-12-2521:031

Part two of two. The repercussions of the crew's discovery and Dr. Hilbert's actions continue to disrupt the station's Christmas plans. Cut off from Minkowski and with limited time to act, Eiffel decides to take a risk. Plus, Smokey Bear Mode, Mr. Kettle, giant fireballs, laughing gas, and crazy plans.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
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Comments (161)

Firefly

the soundtrack was so nice and the reveal at the end!!!!! loved it

Nov 11th
Reply

Firefly

I never realised how intensely good this episode was holy sht!!!!!

Nov 8th
Reply

Firefly

Heraaaaaaaaaaaaaa (⊃。•́‿•̀。)⊃

Nov 7th
Reply

Firefly

literally one of my fave episodes asdfhjk Hera deserves the world

Nov 7th
Reply

Firefly

hope the next time Kepler goes to sleep he has a long nice dream that he never wakes up from 🥰🧚💞☺️💖

Nov 6th
Reply

Firefly

Poor Eiffel lmao

Nov 4th
Reply

Kate

Thanks I love to cry

Oct 26th
Reply

Pieter Kort

amazing!!!!

Oct 19th
Reply

Chance

Need to revive this show, let's get Doug back to being Doug and a zombie version of Helburg, lol

Oct 5th
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Green L

First few episodes were somewhat funny with some undertones of mystery. The rest is a group of obnoxious women screaming at each other.

Sep 28th
Reply

Gilberto Serra

One of the best episodes yet, its was deep and heavy.

Jul 19th
Reply

TInfinite

Hooked to this podcast

Apr 3rd
Reply

TInfinite

wolf359

Mar 31st
Reply

RT381222

love this podcast

Feb 23rd
Reply

Alexis Mayhew

HERA KNOWS WHAT A MEME IS?????

Feb 10th
Reply

Patrycja N.

OKAY, THIS IS SOME NEXT LEVEL SHIT RIGHT HERE

Nov 25th
Reply (1)

Patrycja N.

"Why must you say words" I just 😂😂😂

Nov 25th
Reply

Daria Black

probably one of my favorites so far. hearing hera's struggle was completely and utterly human. the idea that some things cannot be fixed regardless of the ease to forget things, reminds us of the good and ugly parts that make us unique and special. 15/10 on the rating for this one gang

Oct 9th
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CrunchyZombie

it's odd. I pretty much listened to the entire podcast before realizing they were in zero gravity. I had no idea until cutter and price come on board. crazy right?!

Sep 21st
Reply

autumn

i love this so far (2/3 of the way through) but the sound of eating pringles into a microphone was a crime against god and man

Sep 19th
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