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Wolf 359

Author: Kinda Evil Genius Productions, LLC

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Life's not easy for Doug Eiffel, the communications officer for the U.S.S. Hephaestus Research Station, currently on Day 448 of its orbit around red dwarf star Wolf 359. He's stuck on a scientific survey mission of indeterminate length, 7.8 light years from Earth. His only company on board the station are stern mission chief Minkowski, insane science officer Hilbert, and Hephaestus Station's sentient, often malfunctioning operating system Hera. He doesn't have much to do for his job other than monitoring static and intercepting the occasional decades-old radio broadcast from Earth, so he spends most of his time creating extensive audio logs about the ordinary, day-to-day happenings within the station. But the Hephaestus is an odd place, and life in extremely isolated, zero gravity conditions has a way of doing funny things to people's minds. Even the simplest of tasks can turn into a gargantuan struggle, and the most ordinary-seeming things have a way of turning into anything but that. Wolf 359 is a radio drama in the tradition of Golden Age of Radio shows. Take one part space-faring adventure, add one part character drama, and mix in one part absurdist sitcom, and you get Wolf 359.

97 Episodes
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Hello Dear Listeners!  We're re-activating the Wolf 359 feed for a very special announcement from the man of a thousand voices himself, Zach Valenti. The creative team behind Wolf 359 has just released a brand-new audio drama anthology series called Zero Hours.  We think it's pretty neat, and so we wanted share the first episode, which features a couple other voices you're probably familiar with...  We hope you enjoy, and you can check out the rest of Zero Hours at www.zerohourspodcast.com.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Hello Dear Listeners!  We are revisiting the Wolf 359 feed for a very special, very exciting announcement! The creative team behind Wolf 359 has just released a brand-new audio fiction fantasy series called Unseen.  The premise behind the show is simple: in a world where magic is real but invisible to almost everyone, the few magical beings that do exist struggle, every day, just to be seen. We're very proud of this new series, and so we wanted share the first episode with all of you. We hope you enjoy "Never-Ending Circles," written and directed by Gabriel Urbina, the creator of Wolf 359!  And if you do enjoy this first installment, and you can check out the rest of Unseen at www.Unseen.Show. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
New to Wolf 359? Don't know where you should start listening? Here's the orientation you need for your deep space adventure: how to get started, what to look out for, and how to get the best Wolf 359 experience. For a text version of this guide, please visit www.wolf359.fm/starter-guide Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Making the Final Episode

Making the Final Episode

2021-10-2523:272

This is a behind-the-scenes look into the making of the final episode of Wolf 359, produced by Rebecca Seidel. Featuring interviews with its cast and crew, and never-before-heard audio from the studio recording sessions for Brave New World. Note: This special behind-the-scenes extra contains spoilers for Episode 61, Brave New World. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
We finally broke through the last of our technical hiccups, friends, and could not be more excited to share with you the brand new(/old) Wolf 359 Ad-Free feed. To access the whole run of the show without ads, head on over to wolf359.fm/support. Or just keep listening to the show on your podcatcher of choice. We're not the boss of you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Merry Christmas, and Happy 4-Year Anniversary to the finale of Wolf 359! To celebrate, Commander Emma Sherr-Ziarko gathered (most) of the cast and crew of the show for a reunion on her own podcast, Pairing, and we wanted to bring it directly to all of you. We reminisce about our favorite memories of making this show, what episodes we loved most, and we discuss what we think our characters would drink. Plus: Noah's slates, Zach Valenti breaking into song, recording at Spaceman, building and living in a character, Hilbert's commercial reads, forgetting episode titles, Horse Wines, predicting the future, Alan's track titles, Gabriel the master synthesizer, How Could Dare You, and, of course, Funzo. This episode features: Julian Silver, Scotty Shoemaker, Zach Valenti, Ariela Rotengold, Noah Masur, Michelle Agresti, Sarah Shachat, Zach Libresco, Michaela Swee, Cecilia Lynn-Jacobs, Alan Rodi, and Gabriel Urbina. It also features music by Alan Rodi. Special thanks to Zach Valenti for helping edit this episode! Zach is doing a Wolf 359 re-listen starting December 25th, 2021, at 3:59pm EST. Join him at wolf359.fm/relisten! Check out more of Pairing - including many episodes featuring members of the Wolf 359 cast and crew as guests - at the show's website! If you would like to access an ad-free feed of Wolf 359, check out the newly relaunched Wolf 359 patreon. Emma humbly asks that you sign up for the pre-launch of Moira Katson's new book, A Sundered Throne, which Emma is on deck to narrate if we raise enough money from the kickstarter. It's free to sign up, and you get a sneak peek of the first 8 chapters! You can also find Emma as an acting coach on SkillsHub, a website founded by another commander (Jennifer Hale). Check out her website and patreon for more info on what she's up to! If you enjoy Pairing, follow us on social media and tell your friends! Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, & Tumblr! Pairing was created, hosted, and produced by Emma Sherr-Ziarko, with music and audio recording by Winston Shaw, and artwork by Darcy Zimmerman and Katie Huey. This episode was edited by Emma Sherr-Ziarko and Zach Valenti. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Wolf 359 creator Gabriel Urbina is back to present a quick preview of his new show Dracula: The Danse Macabre. It's a four-part adaptation of Bram Stoker's novel, bringing the horror classic to audio fiction. Performed by just two performers - the incredible Evangeline Young and Change of Mind's Peter Coleman - who bring 15 distinct characters to life, it tells the story of the evil Count Dracula's plan to bring death and destruction to the new world... as well as those who would risk everything to stop him. Featuring a new score from Wolf 359 composer Alan Rodi and sound design by Unwell producer Jeffrey Nils Gardner. To listen to full episodes of Dracula: The Danse Macabre, visit their website or subscribe to the show's feed on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Pocket Casts. TRANSCRIPT OF TODAY'S MESSAGE: Gabriel Urbina: Hey everyone. My name is Gabriel Urbina. I'm the creator of Wolf 359, and the co-creator of Zero Hours, Time:Bombs, and Unseen. I'm back here on the feed to send you all a short transmission to tell you about a new audio fiction podcast I've made, and which you can listen to right now. It's called Dracula: The Danse Macabre, and it's a new adaptation of Bram Stoker's novel. Over four episodes, it tells the story of the evil Count Dracula, his plans to leave his home of Transylvania to terrorize the new world, and the married couple who do everything in their power to stop him. It's the timeless horror classic given a new coat of podcast paint for the 21st Century, and the whole thing is performed by just two actors, who together bring 15 different different characters to life.  I wrote every installment of this adaptation, and I also got to work with some amazing people on these four episodes. Our two actors, Evangeline Young and Peter Coleman - the latter of whom you may remember from our Change of Mind special here on Wolf 359 - they are both unstoppable forces of nature. It has a new gorgeous score from Wolf 359 composer Alan Rodi and incredible sound design from Unwell producer Jeffrey Nils Gardner. And I was even able to twist our old friend Sarah Shachat's arm enough that she agreed to come by the studio and direct an episode.  You're about to hear a little preview of the show in just a second, but the first two episodes are actually out right now. So if you find yourself at all intrigued and you need some new spooky content in your life for the end of the year, please consider checking out Dracula: The Danse Macabre. There are links in the episode description for all the places where you can hear it. I hope you'll check it out, I hope you'll enjoy it, and - as always - thank you for listening.  TRANSCRIPT OF THE TRAILER: Woman: The rules that govern the vampire are well known. (Thunder crashes behind her. A storm grows in power beneath the following:) Woman: He does not die, but clings to life forever. (Dark, foreboding music plays beneath her words.) Woman: Having lost his own life, he must steal the life of others by drinking their blood. Woman: If a place is a home, he may only enter after he's been invited in. Woman: He is destroyed by the sun and cowers at the sight of religious symbols. Woman: He can be put to rest by a stake through the heart, or by the removal of his head, or by means of fire. Woman: And when he crosses a mirror... he leaves behind no reflection. Woman: And though the vampire may look like a man, all traces of intelligence vanish upon death, leaving behind nothing but a beast. There are no vampires that can think like a man. Man: None... except for one. (A powerful crash of thunder.) Announcer: Dracula: The Danse Macabre. A four-part fiction podcast event from Gabriel Urbina, the creator of Wolf 359, bringing Bram Stoker's timeless horror classic to audio. Coming November 13th, wherever you get your podcasts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Our premiere episode. Officer Doug Eiffel, communications officer on board the U.S.S. Hephaestus Station, is willing to go to any lengths to procrastinate his work. Tasked with a pointless hunt for alien intelligence, Eiffel would much rather spend his time complaining about the station’s malfunctioning autopilot system and making sure his stash of contraband cigarettes doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. But when his instruments start picking up a mysterious radio signal from an unidentified source, Eiffel begins to wonder if someone - or something – could be trying to communicate with the Hephaestus. Plus, explosions, dangerous experiments, non-destructive hair driers, handy-dandy tips for surviving in outer space, and creative interpretations for the word coffee. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
When Eiffel discovers that there’s only one tube of toothpaste remaining on board the Hephaestus, he realizes that a delicate situation is upon the crew. His solution? Steal the toothpaste, barricade the door to the comms room, and hope for the best. How far are Commander Minkowski and Doctor Hilbert willing to go to recover the vital hygiene product? Plus, subzero temperatures, unique negotiating tactics, hydrochloric acid, Winston Churchill misquoting, and Peter Sellers playing a Gameboy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
The time arrives for another one of Dr. Hilbert’s infamous biannual physical and wellness checks, causing Eiffel and Minkowski to descend into a state of panic. With life and limb on the line, they each find creative ways to delay the inevitable: Eiffel through one of his patented mendacity-filled schemes, Minkowski through a very unusual discovery in the station’s greenhouse. Plus, manual resets, meditations on the effects of sticks and stones, anesthetics, the limits of anesthetics, and spinal fluid samples.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Eiffel takes a quick trip to the exterior of the Hephaestus in pursuit of a cleaner reading of one of the mysterious space transmissions. Things seem to be going well – until an unexpected stellar flare leaves Eiffel stranded outside of the station. Will Commander Minkowski be willing to launch a dangerous rescue mission to save her communications officer? Plus, air guitar solos, dramatic irony, complimentary electroshock therapy, jetpacks, and the realm of the Alpha and the Omega. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
A mysterious illness strikes Eiffel, quickly leaving him out of commission and bedridden. It falls on Dr. Hilbert’s medical expertise to find some way to get the Communications Officer back to full health. But as the days go by, Eiffel begins to suspect that something more sinister is afoot and starts to question whether Hilbert is curing the disease or causing it. Plus, medicinal lozenges, morbilliform, the full Nick Riviera, swollen glands, and looking on the bright, sunshiny side.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
The Hephaestus Mission reaches its 500th day since launch, and Eiffel is determined to make the most of the occasion. His celebration is cut short, however, when a power outage knocks out Hera and all of the station’s automated systems. The crew must find a way to get the station’s central processor back online, and Eiffel stumbles onto a new mystery in the process. Plus, homemade walkie-talkies, Hammer Horror, dance cards, Stephen King FM, and barreling towards certain death.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
When Minkowski and Hera get into a fight, Eiffel decides to stay out of the way until the dust settles. But the station’s deadly mutant plant monster stowaway somehow gains control of Doctor Hilbert’s mind, and it soon becomes clear that the crew has an emergency on their hands. Can Eiffel and his dubious interpersonal relationship skills patch things up between the Commander and the operating system before something goes disastrously wrong? Plus, Olympic obstinacy, wire-tapping, the peril-o-meter, mustard, and Doug’s Swiss Ass.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Eiffel takes some time from his busy schedule to answer third graders' questions. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Episode 8: Box 953

Episode 8: Box 953

2014-10-3125:193

In accordance with protocol and the need to maintain crew morale, Minkowski insists on holding another of her infamous talent shows. Both Eiffel and Hilbert come up with schemes to weasel their way out of having to participate, but neither of their plans goes quite as expected. The resulting day is more dangerous, more mysterious, and more musical than either one of them could have ever expected. Plus, eye-less Russian dolls, biochemistry, unnamed megafauna specimen 58, classics of 19th century opera, and homemade ice cream.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
As the Hephaestus begins a hazardous passage through an ion wind cluster, Eiffel is surprised to discover a message from the mission higher-ups waiting for him in the Communications Room. When the decoded message turns out to be a cryptic and unintelligible warning about something only identified as the “Empty Man”, the crew struggles to pick an appropriate course of action. What is Command trying to tell them? And who, or what, is the “Empty Man”? Plus, designation alpha, crazy wamajama, riders on the storm, flying blind, and going Big Bad Wolf on a straw house. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Eiffel decides that he wants to step up his game and play a more active role in documenting life on the Hephaestus. His newfound enthusiasm is soon tested when an unscheduled explosion puts a hole in one of the station’s walls and uncovers a mysterious, concealed laboratory on board the spacecraft. As the crew explores the hidden room and uncovers data on its previous occupants, Eiffel is forced to confront one of his fears. Plus, mobile reportage, Charlotte’s lab, the Creepus Maximus, slimy, hairy, and extremely high levels of toxicity.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In a set of short stories, we get to see what the Hephaestus crew does when they are by themselves. Doctor Hilbert tells a joke and ponders a question. Hera plays a game. Eiffel takes a test. Minkowski sends a message. Plus, floating on a tin can, magic lamps, disappearing terrarriums, programming loopholes, and the HAL 9000 touch.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Episode 12: Deep Breaths

Episode 12: Deep Breaths

2014-12-2421:291

Part one of two. It's Christmas Day on the Hephaestus. While Minkowski does her best to approximate a traditional holiday dinner, Eiffel decides he's going to try to smoke his last cigarette. Both plans are put on hold, however, when Dr. Hilbert stumbles upon a major discovery. Plus, impenetrable darkness, the blunt approach, sanitized pagan rituals, caller ID, and the last of the real turkey. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Comments (191)

apaulo smith

the music and FX make the voices indecernable

Dec 14th
Reply

Hermes

oh god

Sep 26th
Reply

Ivan Brooks

I have this in my bedtime rotation, and every time Emma/Minkowski says, 'Are our lives not surreal enough for you...?' I can only think that Emma fully understands the exact feelings of disbelief and exhaustion that Minkowski has towards Doug, like a retail/hospitality worker totally bewildered at a customer/guest's total lack of self-awareness (not that they can voice it.)

Jul 15th
Reply

Jamtea

this episode skips at the end missing a very important element of the story. :(

May 3rd
Reply

Andrew Rouse

its sad i listened to this just to hear your voices again lol

Feb 5th
Reply

Habia Khet

💚WATCH>>ᗪOᗯᑎᒪOᗩᗪ>>LINK>👉https://co.fastmovies.org

Feb 5th
Reply

Tyler Elise

.....did i miss the part where Dc was saved?? i dont recall hearing a conclusion for that and the next episode...hes fine...

Jan 24th
Reply

Miki Williams

the intro of a future plot shoots straight in

Oct 9th
Reply

Miki Williams

theory: eiffel was already infected, this was a flare up of symptoms after last episodes injuries and recovery 👀 Decima what Hilbert darling?

Oct 9th
Reply (1)

Miki Williams

plant monster 💚🌱🦠 official dob: wolf 359 episode 3, 8/14/2014

Oct 9th
Reply

Derek Preece

authentication code vulcan. lmao

May 23rd
Reply

Kate

Playback on this one is SUPER busted

Dec 24th
Reply

Maryam

Wolf 359 was the first podcast I ever listened to. Back then I was going through a lot and your podcast was very therapeutic for me. I love you all and thank you for making this amazing series. Also, YOUR VOICES ARE BEAUTIFUL! Every single one of you!

Dec 8th
Reply

Alana

AUGH!!! OUGHHHHHHH

Nov 28th
Reply

Alana

in which Eiffel almost goes full Yellow Wallpaper

Nov 28th
Reply

Fuboo89 No Relation

fking seriously? don't start here. start at one. quality gets better. saved 3 mins of your life

Oct 14th
Reply

ana paskal

At first was skeptical but dang it is so good

May 19th
Reply

JC

love this podcast but does anyone else find it difficult to tell the difference between all the female voices?

May 18th
Reply

Jack Grant

Great podcast

Mar 16th
Reply

Jack Grant

Started recently

Mar 13th
Reply