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Xo Parenting

Author: Lauren Pace

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I’m a Mom of two amazing little humans, five dogs, three chickens & 500+ pheasants. We live on what I like to call the mini farm. But not far enough away from civilization — Instacart still delivers.

I am a lover of & advocate for all children. I'm the awkward lady at church making faces at any baby that catches my eye.

I understand how hard this job of parenthood is... whining makes my blood boil just like the rest of you. One of my sweet children is extremely spirited — and so I get it — on a level that becomes more and more personal each milestone in their lives.

My goal is to help parents love parenting and parent with love, using the support, a new perspective and simple strategies from Xo Parenting.
7 Episodes
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Family Culture is made up of the unwritten rules. The things that the [insert last name] do. It’s what relationships look like And what this family does when no one else is watching. We spend so much time planning for the wedding, college, vacation, first day of school… that sometimes we overlook the day-to-day. The tiny moments, interactions, patterns, and habits that are actually shaping our children's world view. The day-to-day is where you will find the family culture. Our traditions, the days we value, the activities we participate in, who cleans, who cooks, how we talk about our neighbors, how we look at strangers. The affection we show and the way we resolve conflicts. All of these little things are part of the way our children see the world. Strong families don’t happen by accident. It’s intentional. Family culture isn’t how big our house is or how many toys we buy. It isn’t how many activities we sign them up for or what our favorite meals are. Family culture is the values, priorities, habits, and experiences we choose for our family.  It’s the atmosphere of our homes.  It’s what makes our families unique. 1. What do we want for our child long term? aka When our kids leave the home, who do we want them to be? 2. How can we help them develop this? -- Pick 5 Values that you want for your child long-term. -- Go through each value and ask the question, how can we help them develop this? ⋒ SHOW NOTES: xolaurenpace.com/xoparenting ⋒ EMAIL LIST: https://xo-lauren-pace.ck.page/6805acac55 ⋒ FACEBOOK GROUP: facebook.com/groups/xoparenting
Dr. Brittan Barker has professional and personal experience with person-centered care and ADVOCATING for your child who needs extra support. Dr. Barker talks about how to advocate for your child, the process from assessment to intervention, and the REALNESS of how exhausting it can be. 🌟SCHOOL-AGE FREE SUPPORT PROCESS🌟 Write a formal letter Get a psycho-social educational evaluation free Parents will be given a packet of test results Meeting with the family Move forward with IEP (if qualified) 🌟UNDER-THREE FREE SUPPORT PROCESS🌟 Contact your state’s early intervention hotline Get evaluated for free in your home by professionals Get IFSP support (if qualified — pay scale may apply) "Parents need to take care of themselves just as much as their kids and there's nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed or feel guilty about these are our kids and they happened here for very specific and special reasons and it's our job as parents to support them just as we would if they were learning to ride a bike." FIND MORE FROM BRITTAN The easiest way to find out more about Brittan and some of the work she does, especially our research would be at our Labs website. Her lab at Utah State is called the Aural Rehabilitation Lab. USU’s Rehabilitation specifically supports rehabilitation for people who are affected by hearing loss. Website is www.BrittanBarker.com. Instagram @auralrehablab WEBSITE SUPPORTS - Institute for Patient- and Family-Centered Care https://www.ipfcc.org/bestpractices/sustainable-partnerships/background/pfcc-defined.html - Dr. Barker’ Aural Rehabilitation Lab at USU www.brittanbarker.com - Baby Watch Early Intervention program for children aged 0-3 years who live in Utah http://health.utah.gov/cshcn/programs/babywatch.html - How to find an early intervention program for children aged 0-3 years in your state (English) https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/parents/states.html - How to find an early intervention program for children aged 0-3 years in your state (Spanish) https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/spanish/actearly/parents/intervencionTemprana.html - How to request an initial evaluation for special education services for your elementary school-aged child (with model letter; English) https://www.parentcenterhub.org/evaluation-2/ - How to request an initial evaluation for special education services for your elementary school-aged child (with model letter; Spanish) https://www.parentcenterhub.org/carta-evaluacion/ - What is an IFSP? https://www.understood.org/en/learning-thinking-differences/treatments-approaches/early-intervention/ifsp-what-it-is-and-how-it-works - What is an IEP? https://www.understood.org/en/school-learning/special-services/ieps/understanding-individualized-education-programs
Today I'm going to talk to you guys about something called the “Safe Place.” So the safe place is actually something that I get the most negative comments about. In fact, it's the topic that I get the ONLY negative comments about. I seriously don't get very many negative comments about the stuff that I teach, except for this so on Instagram, Facebook, and on my blog I've gotten comments before and I'll share some of those as the episode goes on. I am going to tell you about the strategy, how it works, and why it's actually one of the best things you can teach your child contrary to the misinformed commenters. First and foremost, we do NOT do timeouts in our home. So timeouts typically go like this: you either have a Time Out Chair, time-out Corner, or they have to sit in a certain place for a certain amount of time. The expectation is that as soon as they come out of a timeout, they should be behaving well. Timeouts that aren't effective usually result in Slammed doors, yelling frustrated parents doing whatever they can to get the results that they want, and not knowing any other possible way. It's just so common to do at timeouts. So what we do might look like a time out to your natural eye, but I'm going to explain how it's different. Read the blog: https://xolaurenpace.com/blog/2020/5/26/4g67t7yo2lr7dpm83c7flvtp3y4rgl Get the safe place guide: https://xo-lauren-pace.ck.page/888443bb72
Ever since Wendy introduced me to sensory, and its effect on behavior, my eyes have been opened. Something that's really stood out to me was one of the sensory things was proprioceptive input and she talked about how we have different preferences. So some of us like to sleep with like heavy blankets on or have tight jeans or whatever and I was like, that is me it changed my life. If I don't have a heavier comforter, I have to put pillows on top of me to get to sleep and so it just helps me figure out my own sensory preferences and calm my body. The Seven Senses Imagine that we all have a series of seven cups in us and each cup represents our seven senses. (Yes, there are seven— there's actually nine but we're just going to go into seven cuz the other two are less researched). So a big cup would mean our body is seeking more of that a little cup is our body only tolerate a little bit of it. So we're going to avoid it most of the time. Our seven senses are see, hear, taste, touch, smell, proprioception, and vestibular. Somebody with a large hearing cup would be one who likes to have the music on and they don't mind background noise. They can have a conversation with people without having things bother them noise does not bother them really, and they enjoy the noise. Somebody with a small hearing cup (which is most moms at like 6 p.m) would be one where loud noise can be really overstimulating or just overpowering and too much. Find Wendy's workshop here: https://exceptionalparentingpodcast.com/epf-lauren/ Follow here on instagram here: instagram.com/wendybertagnole Read the blog here: XoLaurenPace.com/blog
A lot of times as parents -- we are saying the right things! But we are saying them at the wrong time. It's not about what you're doing. It's about WHEN you're doing it. In the "green arrow" moments, we teach. In the "yellow arrow" moment, we prompt. And in the red, sometimes we prompt, mostly we STAY SAFE. Check out the graphic on the blog: Xolaurenpace.com/blog Follow me on Instagram instagram.com/xolaurenpace
Mr. Chazz is an educational specialist from Virginia. One day a few weeks ago, I was scrolling through TikTok and discovered Mr. Chazz. I was going through video after video, so impressed with his content. It lines up with what I teach here -- All behavior is communication, understanding tantrums, connection seeking behaviors instead of attention-seeking. It's a rarity to find a male early educator. But I worked with several males when I was a preschool teacher and LOVED IT! So I already knew he'd be such a great addition to the Xo Parenting podcast. I reached out… and asked if he'd come on my podcast. He agreed. And I had him scheduled for episode 12 in August. And then George Floyd was murdered -- and the video impacted the hearts of many. The need to hear from Mr. Chazz became so much more urgent for me and I think all of you as well. Whether you are a parent or teacher, White, Black, Hispanic, Asian… I know we will all learn a lot from the wonderful Mr. Chazz. A few things you need to know about this man. 1. He was a Spoken Word Artist in College 2. He has a Masters degree in Executive Leadership 3. His first teaching experience was a Montessori class of 30 3-5 year-olds 4. I did music with over 100 kids every Friday with children ranging 0 - 6 before the pandemic. Today he's going to talk to us about how to look at what happened in Minneapolis from a human development perspective. www.patreon.com/mrchazz TikTok @TickTeachTok Instagram @Mrchazz
So the first thing that we learned here is all behavior is communication. We have to figure out what they're communicating by looking at the patterns, what happens before, what happens after, what's reinforcing them to do that behavior on accident, or on purpose. Second, we have to teach the skills that they need proactively. So we can't wait until he chokes somebody with a rope or stabs someone with a pencil to try to teach them how to enter play. At that point, he's too far gone. He's in an emotionally reactive state. And the third thing is that none of this is the child's fault. None of it. Not one time in this whole episode has I said, "This kid is so bad, we need him out of here. Like I can't control him. He needs to be gone". No, I kept trying to figure out what I needed to do to support him. It's not the child's fault. They aren't giving you a hard time. Children are having a hard time. Understanding that all behavior is communication changed my entire life. It did. It changed my entire life. Get the graphics here: https://xo-lauren-pace.ck.page/90fa33c19e For more support check out xolaurenpace.com/blog Follow me on Instagram instagram.com/xolaurenpace xo, Lauren
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