You'll Only Listen Twice

What do you get when you cross four mentally ill podcasters with a society that abandons them and treats them like trash? I’ll tell you what you get. You get a f-ing 2 hour episode about Todd Phillips' 2019 film, Joker. That’s right, fellow listeners. Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ Producer Paul are talking about the cinematic con job - I mean, the masterpiece - that won the hearts and minds of the Venice Film Festival, The Academy, sweaty man children, and incels. Joaquin Phoenix gives an Oscar-winning performance as Arthur Fleck, a down and out “comedian” whose misfortunes turn him into the clown prince of crime we all know and love (?). This time, the Joker is plotting his greatest trick yet: crawling into a refrigerator. Is there anything to this film? Is it about the socio-economic forces that impact the mentally ill? Is it a call for compassion for those less fortunate? Is it a cynical cash grab using the iconography of Joker and early Martin Scorsese films to trick audiences into thinking they’re watching art because comedy is canceled? The boys are here to find out!

Oh thank god, a good movie… but it’s for babies and man-children. NOT AGAIN! This week, fellow listeners, Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ Producer Paul are taking a look at the critically acclaimed follow-up/spin off of The Lego Movie, The Lego Batman Movie. The film deconstructs the Batman mythos brick by brick (kill me), re-introduces the Bat-Family, and, most-importantly, recontextualizes the relationship between Batman and Joker. Alan Moore, eat your heart out. Plus, this Joker is not only king of Batman’s Rogue’s Gallery, but he’s also the king of all villains (owned or licensed by Warner Bros. Pictures). But is this Joker Jokery enough? The boys hash it out to find out.

May the lord have mercy on our souls. Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ Producer Paul are entering the ninth circle of Joker movie hell to talk about some kind of Suicide Squad. That’s right, we’re taking about a certain damaged idea man Jonkler, played by that Academy Award winning menace, Jared Leto. Just how bad is Leto’s performance? It’s at least as bad as this movie. How bad is this movie? Well it didn’t kill the boys, but it hurt them, really, REALLY, BAD. 

We’re about to have one bad day, fellow listeners. Seriously. This isn’t just a witty reference, this week’s movie is that bad.  Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ Producer Paul’ are taking a look at the (technically) theatrically released animated adaptation of Batman: The Killing Joke. You might ask: “How is it that bad?” It is based on one of the greatest graphic novels of all time. It features the voice talents of Mark Hamilll and Kevin Conroy, the greatest actors to play The Joker and Batman respectively. What can possibly go wrong? Well, our heroes discover it’s not just one thing. When it comes to discussing everything wrong with this film, they prefer it to be multiple choice. WHY AREN’T YOU LAUGHING????!

Why so serious, fellow listeners? This week, Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ Producer Paul are discussing the greatest Joker in cinematic history. Cesar Romero had his mustache, Jack Nicholson danced to Prince, Mark Hamill became a kaiju, but Heath Ledger was the first one to hold up a mirror to the world and show us that we live… in a society. That’s right, we’re talking about, The Dark Knight. the masterpiece of the world’s most literally minded filmmaker, Christopher Nolan. What else can our heroes add to to discourse surrounding this beloved film? Well, they found a way to ramble about it for about 2 hours and 40 minutes, so there must be some insight there. Or it could just be about Batman gooning. Tune in to find out!

Apathy. Greed. Corruption. Power. Hope. Joker? This week, fellow listeners, Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ Producer Paul are joined by special guest star, Landon McDonald, on a wild, twisted trip into the future, or rather beyond. That’s right, we’re breaking our one rule and looking the non-theatrical, direct-to-video Joker film, Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker. Mark Hamill is back as everyone’s favorite evil clown, and he’s here to do some weird James Bond crap to the new twink Batman, Terry McGinnis. But wait there’s more, we finally learn about the final confrontation between the original Batman and Joker. The Joker is either shot by a mind controlled Robin or electrocuted to death. If he  has to die - why not make it multiple choice? How did the Joker cheat death? Is this the Joker’s greatest trick? Why does the scarecrow guy sound like Christopher Walken and John Travolta?

Your angel of death awaits, fellow listeners. This week Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ Producer Paul are talking about the spawn of “Batman The Animated Series” loins, “Batman: Mask of the Phantasm.” This animated film for babies might be one of the greatest character studies of the titular hero, but we’re not here for that. We’re here for the big Jonkster, played by Luke Skywalker himself, who’s there to live in a physical manifestation of your failures and broken unfulfilled dreams (and to f*** a robot too). Is this the greatest Joker trick? Is the Joker Top Cat? Tune in to find out!

You ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight? That’s right fellow listeners, Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ Producer Paul are talking about  Jack Nicholson’s iconic performance as our favorite A-1 nut boy, the Joker in the highly influential Batman (1989). Ah the 80s, the days when a young comics nerd named Michael E. Uslan could gain the film rights to Batman. When Tim Burton was still a visionary young filmmaker. And movies didn’t need a script, just cocaine. BUT, do these qualities make it the most Jokery Joker movie to ever exist? Tune in and find out.

The boys are back in town, my fellow listeners. This time, Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ Producer Paul  are taking a look at everyone’s favorite film series, Joker! Move over Batman, Mr. J is the true star of the show. This is a society, after all. In this first episode, our heroes take a look at the origins of the Clown Prince of Crime as well as his cinematic debut, 1966’s Batman: The Movie, where he is played by Cesar Romero. How does his Joker stack up? Is he Beta because he is often second (or fourth) banana opposite Lee Meriwether’s Catwoman, Burgess Meredith’s Penguin, and Frank Gorshin’s Riddler? Or is he Alpha because he refused to shave his mustache? Tune in to find out!

We’ve reached the end of the line, fellow listeners. On this special season finale of You’ll Only Listen Twice,”Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul say goodbye to the James Bond series by speculating on the franchise’s future. Will the next movie be serious or stupid? Who will be the next Bond actor? Aaron Taylor-Johnson? Danny DeVito? Who will direct it? Danny DeVito? Should the series continue or should they just let it die? Your guess is as good (or bad) as mine. 

Here it is fellow listeners, Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul reveal their top 10 favorite James Bond films. This list is objective. Anything different is wrong. Sorry snowflakes! But wait, there’s more! Our heroes also list their favorite Bond gadgets, theme songs, and last, but not least, their favorite Bond actors! I think it will thrill you. It may shock you. It might even horrify you. So if any of you feel that you do not care to subject your nerves to such a strain, now is your chance to, uh... well, we've warned you!

This week, fellow listeners, we’re doing something a little different. We know Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul should have moved on from James Bond by now, but they aren’t done yet. Get ready to rage in the comment section as the boys reveal their rankings of every 007 film. But it cant’t be that easy, can it? They also have their thoughts on the Best Bond Villains and the Best Bond Women. Can this get any crazier? It can! This is only part one in  a multipart finale saga! It’s just like Allegiant, but hopefully we get to the part two.

Let me tell you a story about a podcast called Twice, You’ll Only Listen Twice. Finally, after 28 episodes, numerous delays, a trip to the psych ward, and thousands of dollars in therapy bills, Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul are here to talk about Daniel Craig’s final James Bond movie, and possibly the last Bond movie that will ever be made, No Time To Die. A film plagued with numerous delays, due in part to a literal plague, this film naturally involves… you guessed it, a plague. But not just any plague, a plague of nanobots, to be unleashed onto the world by a guy named Lyutsifer Safin (how original). Finally, a Bond movie that’s stupid again, but it’s also the one where he dies. That’s right, James Bond dies in the most Bondian way possible, by getting poisoned with robots, shot, and blown up to save his lover and daughter, because that’s who James Bond is, a heroic family man. Wait, what? There’s no time like now to die while talking about No Time To Die. Actually, at nearly 3 and a half hours, you can say we have all the time in the world. You get it? Because reference.

The dead are alive (whatever the f*** that means). This week, Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul are taking a look at Sam Mendes’ follow up to the widely successful Skyfall, 2015’s less successful Spectre. Is it the best James Bond film, or the worst? You are kites dancing in a hurricane, fellow listeners because there is some disagreement amongst our hosts over the quality of the film, so the discussion gets pretty nasty. Get ready for 2 and half hours of debating the film’s script, central romance (featuring two cranky, monotoned, blue eyed blondes), and  Christoph Waltz’s understated performance as Franz Oberhauser (who is definitely not Blofeld). Did we mention there’s a tribute to Sam Smith’s Oscar winning, mope-fest, theme song? That’s right, this is a musical. This episode will be the author of all your pain!

This is it, fellow listeners. The big one. Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul are talking about the critically acclaimed and most financially successful Bond film, Skyfall. Daniel Craig returns in yet his third consecutive Bond origin film, but this time he’s… old? Grab yourself a Heineken and listen to our heroes decipher what exactly made this movie so successful. Was it Sam Mendes’ direction? Was it the cinematography by Roger “the Deak” Deakins? Was it Joker Javier Bardem? Was it the Adele song? Was it Kincade? Tune in to find out… but the answer is Kincade.

A door left open? A woman walking by? A drop in the water? A look in the eye? A phone on the table? A man on your side? Someone that you think that you can trust is just another… meh Bond movie. That’s right fellow listeners, Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul are joined again by Doggify to talk about Darko Belgrade- I mean Daniel Craig’s underwhelming follow up to Casino Royale, Quantum of Solace. From the director of Finding Neverland and World War Z, comes the first film to be written, shot, and edited by a chimpanzee. A writer’s strike? Shaky cam? 2-frame shots? What can possibly go wrong? Does anyone remember Epic Movie? How does Darko Belgrade’s turn as Bond stack up? What are we talking about?

Fellow listeners, the timeline has been reset to 0, and our hosts Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul are taking a look at the first proper reboot of the official James Bond series, Casino Royale.  Pierce Brosnan is out, and some blonde guy named Daniel Craig is in yet another adaption of Ian Fleming’s first novel. However, after two embarrassing strikes, they’ve finally cracked the code and made possibly the best James Bond movie ever, with some of the best writing in the series and one of the best love stories. Honestly, this episode might be our heroes’ most substantiive in the whole series because they actually provide character analysis, discuss themes, and other pretentious crap like that (and it’s not just Troy rambling about death and the hero’s journey). You know what? Screw this review. Don’t listen to this crap, just watch Casino Royale again. Seriously, the movie is a lot shorter than this episode. Ah what the hell, stay if you want to, but that’s nearly 3 hours that you’ll never get back, but at least you can hear these morons have a good in-depth discussion about a great movie.

Jake, Troy, Jan, and good ol’ producer Paul, along with Jake’s CGI brother, Andrew, are gonna break the cycle. They’re gonna shake up the system. They’re gonna destroy their ego. They’re gonna close their bodies now. Uh! Uh! That’s right, fellow listeners, this week’s review is Pierce Brosnan’s final and most divisive Bond film, Die Another Day! Is this movie really the worst Bond film ever made? Well, our heroes’ responses may shock you (with a Buzz Lightyear suit)! Step into the dream machine and listen to the boys discuss the film’s wacky tone, the CGI, the editing, the DNA replacement therapy, the Halle Berry, EVERYTHING!!! It’s time to face destiny! Sigmund Freud, analyze this… B*TCH!!!!

Just when you thought Christmas only comes once a year, Jake, Troy, Jan, and  good ol’ producer Paul are joined by Jan’s dead wife, Melissa, to talk about Pierce Brosnan’s third Bond outing, The World is Not Enough. Is it foolish sentiment? A family motto? Or just an alright movie from the director of The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader? Strap into your comfy jacket cocoon, fellow listeners, as our heroes get into it about the film’s action scenes, love story or “lackthereof,” and it’s Garbage theme song, which is actually a f******g bop. Not to mention, they answer the age old question: Is The Dark Knight Rises just a remake of this movie?  This episode is full of ghosts, goblins, and Rumpelstiltskin. Mamma Mia! Here we go again! 

Yesterday is a memory. Today is history. Tomorrow belongs to one man. BUT, riddle me this fellow listeners, what is today but yesterday’s tomorrow?  Well today, Jake, Troy, Jan, and  good ol’ producer Paul are talking about tomorrow, Tomorrow Never Dies that is…TODAY! That’s right, Pierce Brosnan’s criminally underrated (also prophetic) sophomore 007 film featuring Jonathan Pryce as one of the series’ best villains, Michelle Yeoh as one of the best Bond women, and of course, Vincent Schiavelli in one of the greatest bit parts in cinematic history. The boys also get into the film’s hellish production, helmed not by Martin Campbell, but the guy who made Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot. It’s an episode jammed packed episode with thrills, chills, and Ray Liotta. Let the mayhem begin!