You're Not Too Much

I've been doing this podcast for 18 months, and I am still mortified that I have a podcast.Newsflash: that has not changed.What has changed is everything else. Last month our tiny show — me, in my office, running my mouth into a microphone — showed up on the US mental health chart one row above Sanjay Gupta's podcast. We passed 400,000 downloads. We became a network. A sponsored network.And every single time, my brain said that's probably not gonna last. Or somebody made a mistake.Here's the thing.I have three exits. I run a consulting company. And at my core, I am still that 12-year-old girl who is very concerned that you're not gonna come to my birthday party.We can be wildly successful and also that little kid. That's kinda gotta be okay.Also in this one: You're Not In Charge of the Scale, the new show on our network from pediatrician Dr. Stephanie Walsh. Five more shows in production. Why sponsors won't change a single thing about my mouth.And on Ask L2, a listener bought 14 project management apps and still runs the whole business off sticky notes. Is that a system?Yes. Is it a good system? No. Does it have to be?Chapters00:00:00 Cold open00:00:47 Welcome to You're Not Too Much00:01:01 18 months in and still mortified00:02:45 Why my brain won't let me enjoy a win00:03:46 My producer told me not to look at the charts00:05:33 One row above Sanjay Gupta00:07:34 Before my brain undoes it00:08:29 400,000 downloads00:08:56 Wildly successful and still that 12-year-old girl00:10:01 Big news: we're a network00:10:36 Meet You're Not In Charge of the Scale00:11:07 Five more shows in production00:11:53 We're a sponsored network00:12:43 A year ago, this was a pipe dream00:14:16 Will sponsors change what I say?00:16:02 Ask L2: 14 apps and a business run on sticky notes00:19:06 Is it a system? Is it a good one?00:20:10 It's 12:12More at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com Leave me a voicemail at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

Content note: the second half of this episode talks about sexual assault.Senior year. AP Government. A teacher who was also a lawyer, who made us call him Doctor, and who told us in literally every class to question authority.So one day, we did.The test he left made no sense. We talked it through as a class, decided not to take it until he could clarify, and left him a signed note explaining why.He came back furious. Threatened to fail all of us. Gave us a presentation on groupthink. Then assigned us two five-page essays.It took me years to understand what that was.They assign essays when they're embarrassed that you did what they taught you to do.Which is why I can't stop thinking about Cornell, where a lawsuit filed this month says a woman was sexually assaulted by seven fraternity members in 2024, and that some of them were allowed to write an essay to keep their place at school. Cornell says essays weren't anybody's only consequence. I'd love to see the rest of the list.The two stories are miles apart. The intent behind the punishment is the same.This is cultural. It's not an accident. And an essay is not a punishment.Since I recorded this, the Tompkins County District Attorney has reopened the criminal investigation and says the case is going to a grand jury.00:00:00 Cold open00:00:19 Welcome to You're Not Too Much00:00:33 The teacher who made us call him Doctor00:04:05 The test nobody could take00:06:38 He came back the next day00:08:48 About that doctorate00:11:47 The point: Cornell and the essay00:14:37 This is cultural, not an accident00:15:24 Miles apart. Same intent.00:17:52 Cornell should be ashamedIf this brings anything up for you, RAINN's National Sexual Assault Hotline is free, confidential and open 24/7. Call 800-656-4673, text HOPE to 64673, or chat at rainn.org.More at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com · Leave me a voicemail at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

This episode is sponsored by Aging Together. Founded by occupational therapist Dr. Pooja A. Patel, Aging Together helps families navigate aging and caregiving before it becomes a crisis. Start your journey today at aging-together.com/nottoomuch where you can use discount code NOTTOOMUCH10 for $10 off the already-discounted elder care planning bundles.I don't want to brag, but I am very advanced for my age.Not in the good way. My short-term memory is gone, my word recall has the range of somebody thirty years older than me, and my entire skill set is words. That's it. That's the whole job.I lost the word for grass. In a yard. Looking at grass.So this one is me trying to work out what's actually going on in there — perimenopause, dehydration, the crushing existential dread of this timeline, or the sheer number of people who need something from me at any given time. Spoiler: it's all of it.We get into what it actually costs to be the person everyone offloads to, why delegating something and then having to chase it isn't delegating at all, and why my calendar is now the only place reality is stored.And Janna asks whether hyperfocus is an asset in a small business or just expensive, which I did not enjoy being asked.If you're finding yourself unable to find your words, they're fine. They're in a field somewhere having a lovely time without you.Come stand in the corner with me. We can cry together.Chapters00:00:00 Cold open00:00:45 Welcome to You're Not Too Much00:00:59 I am very advanced for my age00:01:38 The word was grass00:02:26 My entire skill set is words00:03:08 You want some anxiety? I've got extra00:03:31 Shiny object, and the link I never click00:05:29 What it's actually like in here00:06:21 I could tell you where I got everything in my closet00:06:58 I don't remember where I got these kids00:07:12 Why this timeline is making it worse00:09:11 The personal load on top of the cosmic one00:10:38 Delegating isn't offloading00:12:53 Break00:12:57 The anxiety that never switches off00:13:38 Two thoughts, all the time00:14:51 Every time the phone pings00:15:50 Healthcare. That's the thing that we do.00:16:46 Come stand in the corner with me00:17:25 Ask L2: is hyperfocus an asset or just expensive?00:21:47 Love you, mean itMore at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com · Got a question for Ask L2? Leave it at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

It was like a switch flipped.I had a job. Jobs are good. We like jobs. It paid my bills, it sucked, it was awful, and it was crushing my soul — and I had decided that's just what being an adult is. My whole life was operating in shades of gray. Not the interesting kind. Nothing was exciting, and it didn't even occur to me that things were supposed to be.Then one insidious thought got into my brain: if the alternative to this sucks and this already sucks, why not try the new suck?Thirty seconds later I was done. My CEO sent me a Slack at 8:30 one morning — not the worst thing he'd ever said, honestly pretty benign — but the glass was already broken, and you can't put glass back together. Resignation letter, thirty minutes later. Zero plan. Zero idea what was next.I don't regret it. The whole life I have now came out of that one decision.But I wish I'd done it differently, and that's the actual episode.Then an Ask L2 from Tanya: do you tell a new client you're neurodivergent before you start, or are you just handing them a reason to be weird about you for six months?And if you want the version of this with actual people in the room, we've just launched Leave Your Sh*tty Job over at What The Fractional. It's pay what you can, the minimum is a dollar, and the point of it is that you end up leaving or staying because it's the choice you made, not the one you got forced into: https://whatthefractional.com🎧Every episode: https://yourenottoomuchpodcast.com📞Leave me a voicemail: https://yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail💬 Come find the rest of us: https://alwaysquirky.com

I miss my dad. You know that.What you might not know is that he was a forensic psychiatrist for 55 years, I ran his practice for 10 of them, and on a case like Lindsay Clancy's, he's exactly who would've been called to testify. So for the last couple of weeks I've had his voice in my ear. Screaming.Not about postpartum illness. That conversation is correct — women get sick after babies, they're scared to say so, they deserve better help. All of it, yes.He'd be screaming because that's not what happened here.Lindsay Clancy was diagnosed bipolar. That came out at trial. She was complaining of racing thoughts, worsening intrusive thoughts and no sleep, and somebody's answer was to increase her antidepressant — a thing that is documented to make bipolar patients worse. Her illness didn't make her psychotic. Her medication did. And if we don't separate "postpartum illness" from "shit-ass medical care," every woman who's already scared to disclose gets more scared.I'm not a clinician. I say that about six times in this episode. This is his rant, from beyond the grave, delivered by the person who sat in the depositions.Heads up: this one talks about postpartum mental illness, bipolar disorder, the Lindsay Clancy case (including the deaths of her children) and, briefly, suicide. Look after yourself.If you're postpartum and struggling: Postpartum Support International, 1-800-944-4773.If you're in crisis: call or text 988.