You're Not Too Much

It was like a switch flipped.I had a job. Jobs are good. We like jobs. It paid my bills, it sucked, it was awful, and it was crushing my soul — and I had decided that's just what being an adult is. My whole life was operating in shades of gray. Not the interesting kind. Nothing was exciting, and it didn't even occur to me that things were supposed to be.Then one insidious thought got into my brain: if the alternative to this sucks and this already sucks, why not try the new suck?Thirty seconds later I was done. My CEO sent me a Slack at 8:30 one morning — not the worst thing he'd ever said, honestly pretty benign — but the glass was already broken, and you can't put glass back together. Resignation letter, thirty minutes later. Zero plan. Zero idea what was next.I don't regret it. The whole life I have now came out of that one decision.But I wish I'd done it differently, and that's the actual episode.Then an Ask L2 from Tanya: do you tell a new client you're neurodivergent before you start, or are you just handing them a reason to be weird about you for six months?And if you want the version of this with actual people in the room, we've just launched Leave Your Sh*tty Job over at What The Fractional. It's pay what you can, the minimum is a dollar, and the point of it is that you end up leaving or staying because it's the choice you made, not the one you got forced into: https://whatthefractional.com🎧Every episode: https://yourenottoomuchpodcast.com📞Leave me a voicemail: https://yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail💬 Come find the rest of us: https://alwaysquirky.com

I miss my dad. You know that.What you might not know is that he was a forensic psychiatrist for 55 years, I ran his practice for 10 of them, and on a case like Lindsay Clancy's, he's exactly who would've been called to testify. So for the last couple of weeks I've had his voice in my ear. Screaming.Not about postpartum illness. That conversation is correct — women get sick after babies, they're scared to say so, they deserve better help. All of it, yes.He'd be screaming because that's not what happened here.Lindsay Clancy was diagnosed bipolar. That came out at trial. She was complaining of racing thoughts, worsening intrusive thoughts and no sleep, and somebody's answer was to increase her antidepressant — a thing that is documented to make bipolar patients worse. Her illness didn't make her psychotic. Her medication did. And if we don't separate "postpartum illness" from "shit-ass medical care," every woman who's already scared to disclose gets more scared.I'm not a clinician. I say that about six times in this episode. This is his rant, from beyond the grave, delivered by the person who sat in the depositions.Heads up: this one talks about postpartum mental illness, bipolar disorder, the Lindsay Clancy case (including the deaths of her children) and, briefly, suicide. Look after yourself.If you're postpartum and struggling: Postpartum Support International, 1-800-944-4773.If you're in crisis: call or text 988.

Idris Elba jumped off my nightstand at three o'clock in the morning.Ten minutes before my alarm. Which was also set for three o'clock in the morning, because I had that much work to get to. There is nothing in that room that can fall, and I lay there in the dark going "what?"So Kyle and I went looking for the piece, under nightstands that have about an eight-inch gap at the bottom.⏱️ Chapters00:00:00 I named my CPAP Idris Elba00:00:11 3am: the thunk00:00:45 The clip is broken00:01:28 One plastic clip is my entire edge00:01:58 Under the nightstand00:02:27 I am leaving the dust bunnies00:02:46 Kyle was not leaving the dust bunnies00:03:15 Vacuuming at 11pm

Every time I talk publicly about being a woman at work, the first response is the same. It’s never "that sounds hard." It’s "well, I had a terrible boss once, and she was a woman."Yeah. Okay. Women are allowed to suck, too. Plenty of men suck and we just accept that as fine.So this episode is about the two women you’re allowed to be in a workplace that was not built for you. The one who shrinks to fit — who gets told she’s too big, too loud, too many ideas, and folds all of it up inside herself, hands her ideas to somebody else so they’ll get heard, stops saying the thing she knows is going to go wrong. And the one who strikes to kill — who was taught there’s only ever room for one of her, so she leaves no space for the next one coming up behind.They’re the same woman. Same message, two ways out. You are not allowed here, you should feel lucky we let you in, and if you’re uncomfortable with how we do things then you should shut up or leave.I’ve talked to thousands of women over the last five years who live inside that, and I lived inside it myself. I’m the person who had to hand her idea to the nearest male coworker because it would be taken seriously from him and ignored from me.All of that is evidence of a problem with the workplace. It is not evidence of a problem with you.You are not intimidating. They’re intimidated. Nobody is going to make them do the work to find out why you’re such a threat, so you’re going to stay a threat — but you do not have to make yourself smaller to fix something you didn’t break. You’ve been the same person the whole time.You are not too much. They are not enough.Plus: breaking news on the semicolon rant, in which four actual English professors turn up to tell me I was right. And an Ask L2 from Kieran, who wants an exemption from the don’t-fight-with-pigs rule for a pig who owes him $4,000.CHAPTERS00:00:00 "You are not allowed here"00:00:23 Welcome to You’re Not Too Much00:00:37 What always happens when I talk about women at work00:01:08 Women are allowed to suck, too00:01:46 I wish you the success of the mediocre white male00:02:25 Persona one: the woman who shrinks to fit00:04:13 Persona two: the woman who strikes to kill00:05:09 Both of those are the same thing00:06:37 Thousands of women, same paradigm00:07:57 Give it to your nearest male coworker00:08:19 A problem with the workplace, not a problem with you00:08:28 You are not intimidating. They’re intimidated.00:09:03 What you actually owe a job you need00:09:44 You are not too much00:10:04 They are not enough00:10:57 Do enough to survive, then find a place that doesn’t suck00:11:05 Ten thousand levers you don’t need to pull00:11:20 You’ve been the same person the whole time00:11:55 Your five to nine is better than your nine to five00:12:03 A toxic waste dump and no hazmat suit00:12:31 What professionalism actually means00:12:57 Why the show is now called You’re Not Too Much00:13:25 Breaking news: the semicolon rant, vindicated00:15:26 Ask L2 — "This pig owes me $4,000"00:16:37 You can have whatever tone you want00:17:15 The strongly worded emailEvery episode: https://yourenottoomuchpodcast.comLeave me a voicemail: https://yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemailCome find the rest of us: https://alwaysquirky.com

I heard the Fed Ex van. Which means my husband bought something else stupid.P.S. If you are the household's designated Reasonable Adult — the one doing the mental maths on everybody else's impulse purchases — this is a very short episode to let you know you are very seen.