The holiday season has a way of revealing what we’ve been trying to ignore. When the pressure to perform, host, or appear “happy” collides with the chaos of an emotionally abusive relationship, everything that’s been buried rises to the surface. In this episode, I unpack why abuse patterns intensify around the holidays — and how to recognize the moment you finally see the cycle for what it is. I also share ways to start naming the truth, release self-blame, and reclaim your nervous system — e...
This episode explores what happens when the holidays don’t feel magical—when they instead trigger memories of tension, performance, and survival. I reflect on how November and December can awaken body memories of chaos, control, and grief, even years after leaving an abusive relationship. Support the show Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach and high-conflictdivorcecoaching.com...
In this episode, I talk about one of the most confusing and insidious forms of manipulation survivors face in high-conflict relationships and co-parenting: Double Speak. It’s that moment when control hides behind concern — when an email, message, or conversation sounds calm and reasonable to everyone else, but your body knows something is off. It’s when someone says, “I just want what’s best for our child,” while taking positions that go directly against your child’s needs or the agreements a...
In today’s episode, we’re unpacking a phrase almost every survivor has heard at some point: “You’re the only one who has a problem with me.” It’s one of the most subtle yet powerful forms of emotional manipulation — the kind that makes you question your reality, your reactions, and even your goodness. When someone says this, they aren’t giving you perspective — they’re stripping you of credibility. They’re trying to convince you that your pain doesn’t matter unless other people agree wi...
Abusers often hide behind confusion — denying intent, twisting reality, and framing your hurt as an overreaction. What starts as a simple disagreement turns into you questioning your memory, your emotions, and your sanity. I share how this pattern plays out in everyday moments, from small promises broken to emotional gaslighting that keeps survivors trapped in cycles of guilt and self-doubt. If you’ve ever found yourself saying, “I don’t even know what’s real anymore,” this episode will...
This episode builds off of last weeks where I disussed DARVO in Family Court. I cover exactly how to capture DARVO behavior in a way that lawyers, GALs, and court professionals can actually understand. You’ll learn how to: Identify the denial, attack, and role reversal phases in real-time.Translate emotional chaos into factual, court-readable documentation.Recognize when the abuser is using the legal system as a weapon.Communicate patterns to your attorney without being dismissed or labeled “...
November is Family Court Awareness Month, a time to shed light on a system that too often fails to protect survivors and their children. In this episode, I explore what happens when a court system that frequently reframes abuse as “conflict,” rewards manipulation, and punishes protective parents for trying to keep their kids safe. I walk through: What Family Court Awareness Month is and why it matters.How the legal system can retraumatize survivors and reward abusers who appear calm, logical,...
If you’ve ever felt like your abuser managed to twist the truth so completely that you ended up defending yourself against their behavior — this episode is for you. Today, I’m breaking down DARVO — Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender — and how it shows up in divorce and custody cases. DARVO is psychological warfare disguised as concern. It’s the reason you end up explaining, over and over, why following a court order isn’t “withholding,” or why setting a boundary isn’t “abuse.” We’ll wa...
Not every discard looks like a dramatic blow-up. Sometimes it comes quietly — through silence, stonewalling, and indifference. That kind of ending can be even more destabilizing, because it leaves no scene to point to, only the hollow feeling that something is over. This episode unpacks what it means to be discarded in this way, how it twists reality and casts you as the villain, and why holding your boundaries in the face of emotional withdrawal is an act of self-preservation. If you’ve ever...
This week, I’m sharing a private Q&A episode usually reserved for my Patreon and Substack members. I wanted to make this one public because it speaks to something so many survivors struggle with: the pull of the trauma bond, the shame that lingers, and the confusion around whether someone has truly changed. In this episode, I answer two powerful listener questions: 1️⃣ How do I stop the shame and craving when I’m still trauma bonded? 2️⃣ How do I know if my ex is really changing — or if ...
I explain how abusers redefine what abuse is, minimize their actions, and use comparisons to “someone worse” as a shield from accountability. I break down how they weaponize therapeutic language, flip the script so boundaries look like cruelty, and create a public image that leaves survivors questioning their own reality. Support the show Join the Patreon: https://patreon.com/Youarenotcrazy *New Course*: Unhooked: Map the Cycle of Abuse in your Relationship Website: Emotional Abuse Coach an...
Trauma bonds aren’t about shared hardship or difficult experiences. They’re cycles of abuse and relief that hook your brain and body like an addiction. That’s why it feels impossible to just “get over it.” In this episode, I break down what trauma bonding really is—and what it isn’t. I talk about how intermittent reinforcement keeps survivors stuck, why naming it matters, and why treating it like an addiction can open a path back to yourself. You’ll hear practical ways to start loosening the ...
Control in an abusive relationship often hides behind the illusion of change. They might say the words you’ve been waiting to hear—"I know I hurt you," "I’m working on myself"—but without real accountability, it’s not growth. It’s performance. This episode unpacks how shame drives manipulative behavior, why false accountability keeps you trapped, and how tactics like gaslighting, projection, and DARVO are used to destabilize you. It also explores the difference between genuine conflict resolu...
Family court is a system that doesn’t run on empathy — and that can be one of the hardest realities for survivors to face. In this episode, I share the lessons I’ve learned about communicating with attorneys while navigating years of custody battles and post-separation abuse. You’ll hear why sending every message, email, or update in real time can backfire, how to frame patterns in a way that lawyers and judges can’t ignore, and what it means to “play chess instead of checkers” when you’re up...
When you’re trauma bonded, wanting them isn’t about love—it’s about relief. The relief of the fight being over. The relief of feeling seen again, even for a moment. In this episode, I break down why your body can know they’re toxic and still long for their presence, and why that doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. We’ll explore how your nervous system and brain chemistry keep you hooked, why reconciliation feels addictive, and the painful truth that craving relief isn’t the same as crav...
This episode takes a deep dive into the realities of co-parenting and divorcing a high-conflict person. I answer some of the most common questions I hear from survivors—like how to handle manipulation of your child, what to do when the other parent lies about you, what parallel parenting really looks like, and how to survive smear campaigns and legal abuse. You’ll hear the patterns I see over and over again in these cases—fake “redemption arcs,” crisis creation before court, love-bombing duri...
I’m sharing the truth about a trauma bond I was in—how it formed, why I stayed, and what it took to finally break free. This isn’t a highlight reel or a neatly packaged story. It’s the messy reality of living in a cycle of harm and hope, of being pulled in and pushed away, of mistaking control for care. If you’ve ever been asked, “Why didn’t you just leave?”—or asked yourself the same thing—I want you to know this episode isn’t about shame. It’s about understanding. It’s about the hooks that ...
When you’re trauma bonded, wanting them isn’t about love—it’s about relief. The relief of the fight being over. The relief of feeling seen again, even for a moment. In this episode, I break down why your body can know they’re toxic and still long for their presence, and why that doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human. We’ll explore how your nervous system and brain chemistry keep you hooked, why reconciliation feels addictive, and the painful truth that craving relief isn’t the same as crav...
This episode is a little different. Instead of diving into a specific topic, I’m sharing updates, announcements, and all the ways you can work with me. If you’re new here—or wondering what I offer beyond the podcast—you’ll hear about: Upcoming divorce-focused episodes and why I’m expanding the podcast to include them.My Substack and daily writing for survivors.Self-paced courses on emotional abuse, boundaries, documentation for court, and breaking trauma bonds.Coaching options: intro calls, v...
Sexual coercion is one of the most misunderstood and silenced forms of abuse. It’s not seduction. It’s not miscommunication. It’s pressure, guilt, manipulation, and punishment used to get sex when you’ve already said no, shown hesitation, or felt unsafe. It’s not about intimacy—it’s about power and control. This is a bonus episode from Unhooked—my private podcast series for survivors breaking free from emotional abuse. In this episode, I break down how sexual coercion works, the subtle (and n...