You Can Adopt

Welcome to a special episode of the You Can Adopt podcast for National Adoption Week 2024. This episode features Al Coates MBE, social worker and adoptive father to six, in conversation with 27-year-old Carla who was adopted aged six, and her father, Andrew, discussing their lifelong adoption journey. From maintaining relationships with those important to them to identity – the honest conversation tackles common myths around modern adoption and spotlights the people that Carla and Andrew met along the way, who formed their ongoing ‘village’ of support. Just like all families, adoptive families go through ups, downs and detours during their journey and most importantly, no two adoption stories are the same. There really is no such thing as a normal family – adopted or otherwise - and this is the message of National Adoption Week this year. This episode illustrates how families can come in all shapes and sizes and the route to a family isn’t always a traditional one. #Adoption #YouCanAdopt #NationalAdoptionWeek

Welcome to episode 24 of the You Can Adopt Podcast. This episode features Miles Asteri, former contestant on BBC’s ‘The Traitors’, and single adopter Alex, in conversation about their journey to adopt their children. From deciding to start the process, navigating challenges, bringing your child home, to receiving support throughout – they discuss the bumps in the road, but how the rewards of providing a child with a loving, stable home are unparalleled. Many people hold back from starting their adoption journeys because they’re waiting for the ‘perfect’ time or circumstances. Like any new parents, many prospective adopters worry about their ability to cope – but with adoption, this is a journey that can be navigated together with support available along the way. Adopting a child is a life-changing journey full of adventure, challenges, chaos and conversation – and love. The episode aims to show that all you need to do is take that first step.

Welcome to episode 23 of the You Can Adopt podcast. Debbie Bright, mum of four, has fostered over 200 children over the last 30 years. She has looked after children of all ages, with a variety of needs, and for variable periods of time. Her and her husband, Dave, did this while raising their birth children Lydia, Georgia, Romana and Freddie. Lydia Bright, TV personality, influencer, author and mother, was two years old when her parents began fostering. From then, she has had many siblings come into her life, but has never known any different. In this episode, mum and daughter Debbie and Lydia explore what it is like to bring an adopted and/or fostered child into a family with birth children. There are understandably a lot of questions prospective adopters will have when considering welcoming a new family member, many of which may revolve around what impact it may have on their birth children. By shining a light on their experiences, it aims to encourage parents with birth children to consider adoption, by showing a balanced picture of what it is like to grow your family through adoption, and the benefits it can bring to the whole family. If you are considering adopting a child, the adopted child must be at least two years younger than your youngest birth child at the time of adoption.

Welcome to episode 22 of the You Can Adopt podcast. In this episode, TV presenter, culture expert and adopted person Nick Ede speaks to Samantha, who is part of three generations of adopted people. As a special episode for National Adoption Week, the episode explores how adoption has changed through the decades, through the voices of two people who have seen or heard first-hand how it has evolved. In the episode, both Nick and Samantha explore their experiences of being adopted, including topics around identity, openness and contact with birth families – to shine a light on how the sector is transforming and the importance of a connection to your history in developing a sense of who you are. While historically adoption was often seen as secretive and hidden, with little information and support provided to help adopted people understand their history, it is now vital that adoptees have a good understanding of their history to help form a positive sense of identity. This includes staying in touch with birth relatives and friends (when safe and appropriate), and maintaining these connections through life story books, later life letters, and memory boxes, which all help adopted people stay connected to their past.

Welcome to episode 21 of the You Can Adopt podcast, hosted by actor Jimmy Akingbola. In his 2022 ITV documentary ‘Handle with Care’, Jimmy explores his journey through the care system, and his experience of being fostered long-term by a white British family – particularly around themes of identity, the importance of role models, and cultural connection. In this episode, Jimmy speaks to Sarah Livingstone, a foster carer and chair of the Camden Association for Foster Carers. She has played an instrumental role in many policy changes, including the creation and distribution of Replenish Boxes alongside her colleague James Kargbo – which were created to ensure that Black children will be able to access the right products for their hair and skin. They also offer training workshops around identity and culture. Adopters are in greatest demand for brother and sister groups, older children, children with additional and/or complex needs and children from Black and mixed heritage backgrounds. Children from these groups represent 59% of all children waiting to be adopted. Black children wait on average two months longer to be adopted. Jimmy and Sarah openly discuss their own experiences of adoption and long term foster care. They particularly focus on Black and mixed-heritage children in the care system, the support those children need and encourage more people from the Black community to consider adoption. Links: https://www.instagram.com/replenish_culture/

Welcome to Episode 20 of the You Can Adopt podcast, hosted by former children’s social worker and Love Island winner, Sanam Harrinanan. In this episode, Sanam speaks to Emma, who adopted two children with her husband, to explore the theme of the support available to adopters. There are a variety of support services available to adopters throughout their journey, from therapeutic and financial support for children with disabilities, to ongoing peer support through workshops, family days out and training sessions.  Emma and her husband adopted two children, and their son has required some additional support along the way. Working with their adoption agency and local authority, they have been able to access a variety of means of support, including financial and therapeutic. Adopters are in greatest demand for brother and sister groups, older children, children with additional and/or complex needs and children from Black and mixed heritage backgrounds. Children from these groups represent 59% of all children waiting to be adopted.   In this episode, Sanam and Emma explore that while some of these groups of children may bring additional challenges to a new family, the power of family and a permanent home can be transformational for these children, and there is support available. Emma mentioned a few books that helped her along the way: Sarah Nash - But he looks so normal Sarah Nash - Therapeutic Parenting strategies and solutions Sarah Nash - Therapeutic Parenting essentials Louise Bomber - Inside I'm hurting practical strategies for supporting children with attachment difficulties in school Louise Bomber - What about me? Inclusive strategies to support pupils with attachments difficulties in school Mindfulness - A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world - Mark Williams Psychologies magazine subsciption To find out more, visit www.youcanadopt.co.uk

Welcome to episode 19 of the You Can Adopt podcast, hosted by radio DJ Pandora Christie, who speaks to guest Jonny about his experience of adopting through early permanence. Early permanence refers to the situation where children in care are placed in a permanent family home at the earliest opportunity to prevent additional moves between carers. A child would be placed into care with carers who are initially approved as foster carers but who also have the potential to be their adopters. The ‘usual’ adoption route can take 6-12 months or longer, with children moving between one or more placements. With early permanence, children can spend their time waiting with the family planning to adopt them. Early permanence is totally child centred practice, with the adults managing the uncertainty and not the child. There are two main routes to early permanence; concurrent planning and fostering to adopt. The main difference is the status and preparation of the carers. Concurrent carers will be approved as foster carers and adopters, and are more prepared for the possible return home of the child placed with them. Fostering for adoption carers are primarily adopters that are temporarily approved as foster carers for a specific child. Given Pandora’s own experience of being fostered, and Johnny’s experience of fostering and then adopting a child, this episode explores both their experiences, with a particular focus on the benefits for the child. To find out more, visit www.youcanadopt.co.uk

Welcome to episode 18 of the You Can Adopt podcast, hosted by actor and activist Charlie Condou, who speaks to couple Adam and Daniyal, who adopted their son, about adopting as a same sex couple. They discuss being LGBTQ+ parents, the process of adoption, the support they received along the way, and how they came to adopt.   Charlie Condou, ex Coronation Street actor and LGBTQ+ activist, shares two children with his partner and their friend, who acted as a surrogate and co-parents their children. While he did not go down the adoption route, he is passionate about encouraging gay parenting and is an advocate for adoption.   Adam is from Middlesbrough, and his husband, Daniyal, grew up in Dubai - but they both now live near Newcastle together. They met working in a hospital, fell in love and got married- and later began thinking about having children. After beginning the adoption process, they were quickly matched with a child. They adopted their little boy at 10 months old, and he is almost three. He was born on the eve of the first Covid lockdown, and then in care for 10 months before he came to them. When adopting, they didn’t have any specific preferences about gender or heritage, but just wanted a child to love and give a safe home. Their little boy is from a mixed white and South Asian background- and people always tell them he looks like both his papa and his daddy. Since becoming part of their family, they say their lives have been turned upside down in the best way- he is cheeky, loves to roll his eyes and cause havoc!   To find out more, visit www.youcanadopt.co.uk   PAC-UK is the country’s largest independent adoption support agency and works with all of those affected by adoption and other forms of permanent care to provide advice, support, specialist therapy and counselling. For more information please visit: www.PAC-UK.org or call 020 7284 5879

Welcome to episode 17 of the You Can Adopt podcast, hosted by Debbie, a returning host to the podcast, talking to mother and daughter Lizzy and Lilybelle about their experience of adoption, growing up with foster carers, and maintaining contact with foster and birth families. Debbie and her husband Dave have fostered over 200 children over the span of 30 years, after ‘falling’ into fostering when she was in a restaurant 30 years ago and saw a mum struggling with crying children at a table next to her and offered to help mind the children. Debbie discovered the woman was fostering the children and decided to give her number to the lady to pass on to social services so she could do the same thing. Having fostered children of all ages and having four birth children herself, Debbie has experience caring for children across the spectrum. Debbie has also appeared on reality TV show The Only Way Is Essex with her daughter, Lydia Bright. Lizzy is Lillybelle’s adoptive mum. She and her husband are also mum and dad to their two other adopted children. In this episode they speak with Debbie about their adoption journey, how they prepared for Lilybelle’s adoption, and even share extracts from a book Lilybelle has written about her experience of adoption, ‘In my own words’. There is also a special guest appearance from their dog, Bronson. Lillybelle says: “I’ve got three families in total, but it’s like one big family. I’ve got my birth family, which I still write letters to. I’ve got a foster family, which mummy’s still in contact with. And I’ve got my adoptive family, which I’m living with now. It’s nice because I don’t actually live with a massive family, so it’s not too overwhelming with so many people. But they’re still in my heart, and they’re still in my mind. I think of them lots and I’ve got loads of memories of them. It has been difficult sometimes. It’s also been emotional sometimes, but most of the time it’s been great.” Thanks for listening! PAC-UK is the country’s largest independent adoption support agency and works with all of those affected by adoption and other forms of permanent care to provide advice, support, specialist therapy and counselling. For more information please visit: www.PAC-UK.org or call 020 7284 5879.

Welcome to episode 16 of the You Can Adopt podcast, hosted by BBC Presenter Ashley John-Baptiste, talking to Jamal, who was adopted at the age of three. They share memories of their lives as children growing up – for Ashley in the care system, and for Jamal being transracially adopted by his two mums. They discuss their heritage, belonging, and how they found their identities through the people around them, experiences they went through and contact with their birth families. This National Adoption Week, we are exploring adopted people’s memories and relationships from before, during, and after they were adopted, and how these make them who they are today. During the week, the campaign will challenge perceptions of modern adoption and show how important it can be for adopted people to be able to feel connected to their past – often through physical keepsakes such as letters, photographs, or childhood toys. The You Can Adopt campaign also acknowledges that identity, especially for adopted people, can be a life-long journey and is always evolving. While not all adopted people will have mementos from their early life or the opportunity to have contact with people from their life before they were adopted, modern adoption encourages access to a range of quality information. Meanwhile many adopters today make it a priority to help their children to understand and develop their identity.  To find out more, visit www.youcanadopt.co.uk/NAW PAC-UK is the country’s largest independent adoption support agency and works with all of those affected by adoption and other forms of permanent care to provide advice, support, specialist therapy and counselling. For more information please visit: www.PAC-UK.org or call 020 7284 5879.

In this 15th episode of the podcast, Carrie and David Grant are joined by parents of 3, Kathryn and Adrian, to talk about their experiences of adopting children that face the greatest delays in finding a home. Today also marks the launch of ‘A Life Less Ordinary’, a new campaign from You Can Adopt, to encourage the public to think differently about adoption and these children waiting longest to find a permanent home. These children include those aged five and over, children with additional and/or complex needs, and brother and sister groups. Children from minority ethnic backgrounds also tend to wait longer, though reasons for this are complex. These groups who wait longest represent 65% (1,220) of the 1,890 children currently waiting to be adopted in England. Sadly, these groups can wait much longer than average to be adopted: children with a disability typically wait 11 months longer in care compared to children without additional needs, and children over 5 tend to wait 13 months longer. Carrie and David are vocal coaches and television presenters who have four children, all of whom have additional needs. Kathryn and Adrian have adopted 3 children, with each child having some form of additional needs. Having always known they wanted to adopt rather than go through IVF or other methods of growing a family, they felt they had the right skills to take on children with additional needs: their eldest has cerebral palsy and has recently completed university, and their other children have other challenges including a learning disorder, foetal alcohol syndrome and a partial deletion of Chromosme 10. Kathryn and Adrian are also in the process of adopting their 4th child who also has additional needs. If you’ve ever considered adopting and want to find out more about the children who wait the longest, find out more at youcanadopt.co.uk/alifelessordinary

This week, Ashley John-Baptiste, BBC reporter and presenter, who grew up in foster care, meets Luke, who was adopted at the age of three. In this 14th episode of the podcast, Ashley and Luke explore their early memories of growing up, how Luke settled into life with his adoptive parents, being adopted with one of his birth siblings, his connection with his other birth siblings, and how his experience has now informed the work he now does in adoption. You can find out about adoption, further podcast episodes and more people’s experiences at www.youcanadopt.co.uk PAC-UK is the country’s largest independent adoption support agency and works with all of those affected by adoption and other forms of permanent care to provide advice, support, specialist therapy and counselling. For more information please visit: www.PAC-UK.org or call 020 7284 5879.

Nicky Campbell talks to Professor Beth Neil, an expert in post-adoption contact, about the topic. Beth is a Professor of Social Work, and Director of Research in the School of Social Work at the University of East Anglia in Norwich. Before joining the Department as a Ph.D. student in 1996, she worked for several years in social care and social work. Her research interests are in the field of adoption including post-adoption contact, birth relatives’ perspectives on adoption, post adoption support, adult adoptees, and adoptive parent recruitment. Nicky himself was adopted a few days after he was born, and eventually sought out his birth parents later in life. This episode explores the complex topic of birth family contact from all perspectives, exploring the fundamentals of contact, as well as being open with adoptive children about their birth families, and how all parties can work together to ensure the needs of the child always come first. You can find more details at www.youcanadopt.co.uk, where there is also a new film featuring real life stories from an adopted child, adopted adult, adoptive parents, a birth mother, social worker, and a family member who watched loved ones go through the process. Featuring the real voices of the people depicted, the short film brings to life their stories with animated illustrations by artist and adoptive parent, Garry Parsons. PAC-UK is the country’s largest independent adoption support agency and works with all of those affected by adoption and other forms of permanent care to provide advice, support, specialist therapy and counselling. For more information please visit: www.PAC-UK.org or call 020 7284 5879.

This National Adoption Week, campaign supporter Matt Barbet sits down with Mark Owers, expert in the field, and Chair of the National Adoption Recruitment Steering Group, to answer your questions on adoption. As a registered social worker, Mark is passionate about improving outcomes for children, young people and families, and is also the Director of Safeguarding and Care and Chief Social Worker for the Government of Jersey. Mark advises the Department for Education on looked after children, stability and permanence, and is the Government’s adviser on the regionalising adoption programme. Mark has two adopted children of his own, so knows both professionally and personally the ins and outs and ups and downs of the adoption journey. This episode comes at the start of National Adoption Week, with YouCanAdopt this year focusing on modern adoption by raising awareness and generating a better understanding of the different experiences in the adoption process. This will be done through an honest exploration of the many voices of those whose lives have been impacted by adoption and involved in finding loving and safe homes for children – from adopters, adopted adults and children to birth families and social workers. Through championing those stories less told, the campaign aims to educate and inform people on the adoption process today from all aspects and perspectives. In the episode, Mark talks about the adoption process, eligibility, matching and contact with birth families as well as how adoption has changed and improved over the last decade, and why it is so important that all voices of those impacted by adoption are heard. You can find more details of the new campaign at www. youcanadopt.co.uk/NAW, including a new film featuring real life stories from an adopted child, adopted adult, adoptive parents, a birth mother, social worker, and a family member who watched loved ones go through the process. Featuring the real voices of the people depicted, the short film brings to life their stories with animated illustrations by artist and adoptive parent, Garry Parsons. PAC-UK is the country’s largest independent adoption support agency and works with all of those affected by adoption and other forms of permanent care to provide advice, support, specialist therapy and counselling. For more information please visit: www.PAC-UK.org or call 020 7284 5879.

This week, Carrie and David Grant speak to single dad, Ben, from West Yorkshire, who first became a father at 21. Since his first adoption, he has adopted a total of six children with complex needs – Jack, thirteen, Ruby, ten, Lily, eight, Joseph, five, Louis, two, and son Teddy (who sadly passed away at the end of 2019). Now 36, Ben always had the desire to become a dad. He recalls that he found his niche working in a school for children with complex needs, but something else was missing: “I loved being around these children, but I knew I wanted one of my own.” Before adopting, Ben thought he had to have a certain profession and be in a relationship to be eligible. He was soon proved wrong - Ben says: “There is no such thing as a stereotypical family – everyone is different. There are many families that identify themselves in different ways. As long as the love and support is there, that is what makes a family.” Carrie and David have four children with additional needs themselves, including one adopted child. They speak about Ben’s decision to adopt children with complex needs, his network and the support he receives to do so, as well as his day-to-day routine. This candid episode explores the challenges and rewards of adoption, with a particular focus on children with physical and mental disabilities. The ultimate aim of the series is to understand adoption from the perspective of a wide range of people, including adoptees, adopters and birth parents. It is hoped that potential adopters will come to understand more about adoption and the potential richness of the adoption experience. PAC-UK is the country’s largest independent adoption support agency and works with all of those affected by adoption and other forms of permanent care to provide advice, support, specialist therapy and counselling. For more information please visit: www.PAC-UK.org or call 020 7284 5879.

Today, we’re speaking to Jennifer, who has adopted her two sons with her husband. We’ll be talking about her adoption journey, as well as her experience of being a Black adopter. It’s an unfortunate fact that Black children and children of mixed-heritage wait the longest of any children to be adopted, and there are also a number of barriers and misconceptions that deter members of the Black community from taking the next steps to adopt. Some concerns people cite about adoption include housing, their finances, and worries about their age, marital status, as well as perceptions about how adopting might be perceived by the community. However, the key attributes for adopting a child are providing a loving, safe, stable home and factors such as occupation, working full time, salary and the size of someone’s home, are not important. Following fertility issues, Jennifer and her husband decided adoption would be the best option for them to start a family. Their oldest son is 6, and was adopted at 11 months, and her youngest son is 11 months, and was adopted 17 weeks ago. Both sons are of mixed-heritage (white and Black). We explore her initial decision to adopt, the process and unique challenges and rewards of adopting as a Black parent (Jennifer is Black British of Caribbean descent), and her family life now. Ultimately we hope to encourage more potential adopters from minority ethnic communities to come forward to explore and start an adoption journey to build a family for life for both themselves and their child/ren. Host Lemn Sissay has said he hopes people will always consider adoption, despite how hard it is. “Adoption is the greatest thing that a human being can do for another human being, in my opinion, because a child is going to test you emotionally, financially, politically, socially, on every level. An adoptive mother can love a child just as much as a woman who's had the child themselves.” The ultimate aim of the series is to understand adoption from the perspective of a wide range of people, including adoptees, adopters and birth parents. It is hoped that potential adopters will come to understand more about adoption and the potential richness of the adoption experience. PAC-UK is the country’s largest independent adoption support agency and works with all of those affected by adoption and other forms of permanent care to provide advice, support, specialist therapy and counselling. For more information please visit: www.PAC-UK.org or call 020 7284 5879.

This week, with the launch of the refreshed #YouCanAdopt campaign, which hopes to encourage more people to consider adopting groups of brothers and sisters, pop star and adoptive mother Sinitta sits down with Hafsa and James to talk about their experience of adopting brothers. Latest figures show there are currently 2,030 children waiting to be adopted in England and, of those, 44% are in family groups of two or more. With family groups of children taking an average of 17 months to be adopted, brothers and sisters typically take 36% longer to be adopted than individual children. This episode explores the huge benefits and potential challenges of adopting family groups, and dives deep into the journey that Sinitta, Hafsa and James went through when they adopted their children. They talk through the adoption process, how they came to the decision to adopt brothers and sisters together, and how they are adapting to their new family life. Hafsa and James began their adoption journey as foster carers, and after struggles with IVF, last year made the leap to adoption. A mixed heritage couple, Hafsa is Pakistani and James is African Caribbean, they sought children who as closely as possible matched their ethnicities, and were able to adopt two little boys to grow their family. Sinitta had had similar struggles with IVF and with surrogates, before she adopted a brother and sister in 2007, and has been a vocal advocate for adoption ever since. To learn more, please visit www.youcanadopt.co.uk/brothersandsisters, where you can also view the new campaign film. Expert help and support is available via PAC-UK, the country’s largest independent adoption support agency. They work with all of those affected by adoption and other forms of permanent care to provide advice, support, specialist therapy and counselling. For more information please visit: www.PAC-UK.orgor call 020 7284 5879.

Nicky Campbell talks to birth parent Angela about her story, experiences of adoption, and her relationship with her birth children and their adoptive parents. This episode explores a different perspective, shining a light on birth parents, and their important role and voice in the adoption process. Nicky himself was adopted a few days after he was born, and eventually sought out his birth parents later in life. From an early age they told him he was adopted, explaining he was very special because he was "chosen". Angela is a founding member of the Family Rights Group parents panel, one of their expert panels of family members with direct lived experience of the Child Welfare and Family Justice System. Her children were adopted in 2004 after a very long and fraught battle with her Local Authority over domestic violence and mental health issues. Angela is now married with a daughter with no local authority involvement, has a great relationship with the adoptive parents of her two boys, and has recently been in touch with her eldest son. Please be aware before listening that this episode contains some aspects which may be difficult for some to listen to, around subjects such as self-harm, domestic violence and substance abuse. Expert help and support is available via PAC-UK, the country’s largest independent adoption support agency. They work with all of those affected by adoption and other forms of permanent care to provide advice, support, specialist therapy and counselling. For more information please visit: www.PAC-UK.org or call 020 7284 5879.

This episode explores the journey of being an adopted adult, from adoption through to life now. Joy Carter, comedienne, writer and poet hosts the episode, speaking with fellow adoptees Dawn and Fran. The ultimate aim of this episode of the podcast is to show adoption from the adoptee’s perspective, as well as to broadcast a variety of voices and help potential adopters understand the different viewpoints around the adoption process. Dawn and Fran both had very difficult home lives as infants, but have used their life experiences positively. Dawn is now in the process of applying to become a social worker, as she wants to make change in adoption, and Fran now specialises in halting and reversing the long term psychological and physiological impact of childhood trauma and adversity. In the podcast they speak candidly about their experiences of adoption, their lived experiences and trauma they shared, as well as how adoption and their adoptive families have shaped them today. At times the podcast is a difficult listen, but their journeys provide an important message of the impact adoption can have. If you’ve been affected by issues raised in Dawn and Fran’s stories, expert help and support is available. PAC-UK is the country’s largest independent adoption support agency and works with all of those affected by adoption and other forms of permanent care to provide advice, support, specialist therapy and counselling. For more information please visit: www.PAC-UK.org or call 020 7284 5879.

Adoption, the Process and Fertility Issues with Anna Richardson by You Can Adopt