Your Secret Is Safe With Me

Have you ever had someone walk out of your life without warning, only to reappear months later as if nothing happened?   It's complicated enough when it happens in regular relationships. But when it involves an affair partner, the complexity multiplies tenfold.   This kind of heartbreak hits differently when the relationship itself existed in secrecy, making the grief even more isolating.   Join me this week as I tackle the heart-wrenching reality of what happens when an affair partner breaks your heart - and the even more complicated question of what to do if they come back. You'll learn how to stop waiting for someone else to change and start taking control of your own emotional well-being and future relationships.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/216

Have you ever thought about "checking out your options" before making a big relationship decision?   It seems logical, right? Why make a life-changing choice without knowing what else is out there?   When you're married but questioning whether you want to stay that way, the unknown can feel paralyzing.    Join me this week as I dive into why people choose to secretly date while married and what actually happens when they do.    Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/215

Have you ever been paralyzed by the fear of making the "wrong" decision about your relationship(s)?   Maybe you're considering leaving your marriage, ending an affair, or making another significant change in your relationship status. And maybe the fear of regret is keeping you stuck.   Making major relationship decisions can feel like standing at the edge of a cliff, knowing that once you jump, there's no going back.    In this episode, I break down exactly what to do when you find yourself living with relationship decisions you don't like, and share practical steps for addressing your dissatisfaction without spiraling into panic.    Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/214

Is it really okay to end something that's working well?   After much consideration, I've decided to pause production of Your Secret is Safe With Me indefinitely while I pursue new creative endeavors.   This decision wasn't made because anything is wrong—quite the opposite.   My experience with this transition mirrors what many of my clients face in their relationships and life choices. There's often a belief that we shouldn't end something that's "good enough" or that we must finish everything we've started. But what if the most faithful act to ourselves is allowing evolution, even when it means leaving something valuable behind?   This final episode explores the legitimacy of change and the permission we all deserve to give ourselves when moving in new directions.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/213

Have you ever felt stuck between two good choices?   Through my personal story of leaving a life I loved to join the Peace Corps, I illustrate how choosing between two good things - while challenging - can lead to profound growth and fulfillment.   If you're struggling with a decision that feels impossible because both options have value, this episode is for you.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/212

Feeling overwhelmed by the state of the world? Wondering how to focus on your own personal struggles—like dealing with infidelity—when global crises seem so much bigger?    In this episode, I explore how to stay engaged with the world's problems without being consumed by them. You'll learn why tending to your own challenges is not selfish but essential, and how taking responsibility for what you can control helps you build resilience and show up for yourself and others.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/211

Does your partner's sexual past make you uncomfortable? What if you found out they had exchanged sex for money before you met - would that feel like cheating?   These are the kinds of thorny questions I tackle head-on in this week’s episode. I’ll help you examine your beliefs about sex work, infidelity, and how much of our pasts we need to share with new partners.   Whether you've been on either side of this situation or are just curious to expand your perspective, you'll gain valuable insights for approaching these sensitive conversations with more clarity and intentionality.    Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/210

Have you ever felt like you have competing desires when it comes to relationships? Like part of you craves freedom and adventure while another part yearns for deep intimacy and stability?   Astrologer Karen Hawkwood joins me this week to discuss how astrology can provide a framework for understanding these complex and often paradoxical needs. We also discuss how legitimizing all parts of ourselves, even the ones that seem to be in conflict, is key to finding more peace in our love lives.   If you've struggled to make sense of your infidelity situation, this episode will offer a new perspective on honoring the fullness of who you are.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/209

Is paying for sex cheating?    In this week’s episode, I dive into the complex intersection of sex work and infidelity. I explore how to be a conscious consumer of sexual services, the social stigma around sex work, and the diversity of experiences within the industry. I also address listener questions about the risks and benefits of seeing sex workers versus having an affair.    Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/208

Have you ever wondered if your astrological chart holds clues to your relationship patterns and tendencies?    In this episode, I sit down with teacher and practitioner of archetypal astrology, Karen Hawkwood, to explore how astrology can provide valuable insights into the parts of ourselves that shape our experiences with infidelity.   Whether you're well-versed in astrology or simply curious about how it might relate to your own infidelity situation, this episode offers a thought-provoking perspective on the ways in which we can work with our inherent tendencies and needs to create more fulfilling relationships.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/207

What would your life look like a year from now if you resolved your infidelity situation in a way that felt really amazing to you?   Do you struggle to imagine what resolving your infidelity situation could look like? Listen in this week as I dive into the power of envisioning your ideal future and guide you through a series of prompts that will help you imagine the most delightful, satisfying resolution to your infidelity situation.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/206

What if I told you that the key to making positive changes in your life is self-love and acceptance, not self-loathing?   It may sound counterintuitive, but giving yourself credit for what you HAVE done can be incredibly motivating, especially if you've been beating yourself up over infidelity. In this episode, I guide you through an exercise to reflect on your accomplishments, big and small, over the past year. You'll be amazed at how empowering it feels!   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/205

Do the holidays have you feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place in your infidelity situation? You're not alone.    Trying to balance family obligations with an affair partner's desires can seem impossible. But even when you don't like your options, you still have choices. In this episode, I explore real-world scenarios and discuss how to identify your options, make decisions you feel good about, and take responsibility for your own happiness - no matter what your affair partner or spouse does.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/204

What's more important to you - your money or your freedom?   If you're stuck in a marriage you don't want to be in but are reluctant to leave because you don't want to lose half your wealth, you're not alone. Many of my clients grapple with this dilemma.   In this episode, I dig into what money really means to you and how to weigh that against the freedom to live life on your own terms. I share strategies to get clear on your values and make empowered choices so you can start untangling your thoughts around money, marriage, and living authentically.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/203

Are you struggling with the idea of breaking up with your affair partner? How do you tell them it's over in a way that doesn't sound like an ultimatum? Is it possible to stay friends afterwards? And what if you work together - how do you navigate that?   This is a uniquely challenging situation that brings up a lot of difficult questions, but I’ve got you covered. In this episode, I provide compassionate, nonjudgmental guidance on how to end an affair relationship as considerately as possible. While it may never be easy, there are ways to make the process clearer for both you and your affair partner.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/202

High-conflict breakups are always going to be tricky. And when infidelity is involved, feelings can get amplified, leading to some pretty interesting behavior. Some people have a particularly hard time when a relationship comes to an end, feeling sad, hurt, rejected, unloved, abandoned... even worthless.   So, how do you go about extricating yourself from a relationship with someone who is (to put it in the most simplistic terms) behaving very badly? Tune in this week for a conversation about dealing with high-conflict breakups where you’ll learn how to support yourself as this unpleasant situation unfolds.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/201

Does your marriage or your committed relationship CURRENTLY feel like home to you? Or are you running off of memories of what your relationship once felt like to you? If you are dissatisfied with your committed relationship to the point where you’re seriously considering leaving, but you think you can’t leave because your sense of home is predicated upon you staying, I invite you to listen in this week.   Through my own nostalgia for past experiences of feeling at home, I share how to identify your nostalgia and discover where it’s coming from. You’ll learn how to navigate bewildering thoughts of wanting to leave your marriage, but not wanting to lose the sense of home you have within your marriage.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/200

No matter what you've done or are doing in regards to your infidelity situation, you are worthy of acceptance, love, and respect. As you'll hear in this episode, I explore the idea that there ARE people out there who will understand and accept you, even if they know all the details of your infidelity. While it may seem like everyone would judge and shun you, that simply isn't true. I also answer a question from a listener about their specific infidelity situation, which will offer valuable perspective to anybody engaging in something they consider infidelity, or dealing with the aftermath of an affair ending.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/199

What do you do if your ex-affair partner's spouse wants to talk to you about the affair? Do you owe them an apology or explanation? Is there actually anything you can say to make this person feel any better?   In this episode, I explore the tricky question of what, if anything, you might want to offer the partner of someone you had an affair with. I discuss how to set boundaries that align with your values, share strategies for engaging in difficult conversations, and you’ll learn how to decide exactly what will work best for you if you find yourself in this scenario.   Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/198

Have you ever reconnected with a former flame and found yourself in an affair, wondering if this is your second chance at true love? When people are engaging in affairs with someone they've been involved with in the past, they tend to see these relationships as an incredibly high-stakes situation.   Tune in this week to look at some of the major challenges of engaging in affairs with old lovers, how you might be inadvertently creating unnecessary drama through the way you think about this relationship, and what you can do about it. Even if you aren't having an affair with a long-lost former lover, you'll be able to see this human tendency to overcomplicate relationships of all kinds laid bare, so you can stop self-inflicted torture in your romantic life.    Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/197