Your Stupid Minds

Direct download.A halloween spooktacular so good you’ll puke your guts out! It’s Lucio Fulci’s 1980 movie City of the Living Dead!A New England priest (Fabrizio Jovine) hangs himself in order to open a portal to hell and unleash an army of the undead. Mary (Catriona MacColl) discovers his plot during a New York seance and travels with a reporter (Christopher George) to stop the zombie horde on All Saint’s Day through… means.Meanwhile, the denizens of Dunwich, Massachusetts notice strange happenings in the town, including, but not limited to, earthquakes, make out hauntings, 30% of the population dying of fright (according to the coroner), skull smashings, organ pukings, and a perverted gas station attendant with a blow up doll.Some Notes:Available on Amazon Prime.Nick erroneously states that Fulci probably put "100 pounds of maggots into a snowblower" to do the maggot storm scene. It was actually 20 pounds. He regrets the error.Reportedly, the original ending shot was destroyed, which is why the ending on the film sucks beans.

Direct download.Your Stupid Minds continues its Worst of 2019 mini theme with a film that technically didn’t come out in 2019 (December of 2018) but also didn’t really come out anywhere, really. Nicolas Cage stars as another character named Joe in Maria Pulera's ghostly thriller dark comedy drama horror film Between Worlds.Joe (Cage) is a widower Alabama truck driver whose wife and five-year-old daughter died tragically in a house fire. He comes across a woman named Julie (Run Lola Run’s Franka Potente) being choked out in a truck stop bathroom. He beats up the choker, but Julie explains the choking was consensual. She has a psychic ability to exist “between worlds” when she is near death. She needs to use her ability to rescue the soul of her daughter, who is in a coma after a motorcycle accident.Joe and Julie start a relationship, but things are not what they seem as the recovering daughter Billie (Penelope Mitchell) begins acting stranger and hornier than usual.Some Notes:Available on Netflix.Submitted by listener request. The listener writes: "Imagine a wealthy, cloistered Tina Belcher wrote an uncomfortably horny fake David Lynch film and had a fetish for giving Nic Cage embarrassing directions on set. That's basically this movie."This is the fourth time Nicolas Cage has played a character named "Joe." If IMDb rumors are correct, he will play a fifth Joe in an upcoming Joe Exotic miniseries.Yes, the Flop House Podcast just reviewed this movie a week ago. Let the record state we had no idea they were going to do that. We can prove it in a court of law.

Direct download. Your Stupid Minds enters the world of Baker Dill as part of its ad hoc Worst of 2019 series with the flop Serenity. Don’t worry nerds! We’re reviewing the other movie named Serenity that was a big flop. The one about fishing and step-dad revenge. Not Joss Whedon’s space opera.Baker Dill (Matthew McConaughey) is an island fisherman trying to catch a giant tuna named Justice. His high school sweetheart Karen (Anne Hathaway) finds him and offers $10 million to kill her abusive husband Frank (Jason Clarke), and Dill is conflicted. This is all I can say without giving away the big twist.Some Notes:Available on Amazon Prime.If you play a video game just to smash boxes, we don't judge you.This episode is rated T for Teen.

Direct download. In honor of our one-off mention of the scene where a man throws a dog in the ocean, Your Stupid Minds reviews Hulk Hogan’s Mr. Nanny!Sean Armstrong (Hogan, credited as Terry “Hulk” Hogan, which is still not his real name) is a down-and-out wrestler whose manager Burt (Sherman Hemsley) gets him a job as a bodyguard. It turns out Armstrong will oversee two psychotic children for Alex Mason (Austin Pendleton), the CEO of a microchip company.While the two children find various clever ways to try to kill their new bodyguard/nanny, the evil Tommy Thanatos (played by the News York Dolls’s David Johansen, who also wrote and performed the soundtrack) finds devious ways to get his hands on a cutting edge microchip Mason’s company is developing. Hijinks ensue.Some Notes:The dog throwing scene, just in case you missed it.This dumb song has been stick in my head for two weeks.

Direct download.Apropos of nothing, Your Stupid Minds reviews 1994's Streets of Rage, a vanity project written, produced, and starring wrestler Mimi Lesseos.I couldn't find a proper trailer without a butt shot so here's a fan made thing.Melody Sails (Lesseos) is a former special forces badass and aspiring journalist. After talking to some homeless children in the slums of Los Angeles, she uncovers a pattern of child murder which ties back to evil British pimp Lunar (Oliver Page). Melody also juggles three different men after her affections, and fends off other men in the form of random street goons by kicking and punching them.Some Notes:Available on Prime Video in all its VHS transfer potato glory.The famous throwing a dog into a lake scene from Mr. Nanny.The famous BullySmart™ video from Everything Is Terrible!Directed by Richard Elfman, brother of Danny Elfman and member of Oingo Boingo.Featuring wrestling legend Chavo Guerrero Sr. Here's a Mountain Goats song about him.

 Direct download. Your Stupid Minds reviews Sniper: Special Ops based solely on its horrific Photoshop Frankenstein DVD cover. And Steven Seagal is in it.Jake (Seagal) is a 65-year-old elite Army sniper on a mission in Afghanistan (which has geography that in no way resembles Southern California) to save a kidnapped congressman. The squad leader Vic (Tim Abell) is also present, along with Vasquez, (wrestler Rob Van Dam) and some other people. Jake shoots two dudes with the sniper rifle, then it breaks and he never uses it again. One squad member is shot in the spine and unable to evacuate via the Humvee, so Jake stays with him out of the goodness of his heart (and not because leaving would require him to descend a number of stairs).After the mission, the movie shifts completely to a story about a broken truck and a women with her child. There is also a plucky Lois Lane-like reporter Janet (Charlene Amoia). These storylines eventually converge, sort of, and Seagal stays seated for most of the movie.Featured Music:Crossing the Chasm by Kevin MacLeodLink: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3562-crossing-the-chasmLicense: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Some Notes:Available on Netflix. Some of Rob Van Dam's sweetest wrestling moves.The story about Gene LeBell choking out Steven Seagal until he pooped his pants.

Direct download. Your Stupid Minds enters 2020 with one of the worst of 2019: the John Travolta starring, Fred Durst directed movie out of time The Fanatic.Moose (Travolta) is a Los Angeles resident obsessed with the past-his-prime action star Hunter Dunbar (Devon Sawa). He gets access to a premiere party only to discover he isn’t there. After multiple attempts to make contact, his friend Leah (Ana Golja) points him to an app that maps celebrities’ homes. He uses this opportunity to stalk Dunbar and do a bunch of other weird things.Some Notes:In an inexplicable scene that stops the movie cold, "The Truth," a 15 year old Limp Bizkit song that no one knows, is featured prominently.Devon Sawa plays the celebrity at the center of a stalking. Sawa famously played the eponymous "Stan" in the Eminem music video."All in the Family" by Korn featuring Fred Durst is the worst song of all time.

Direct download. Your Stupid Minds celebrates the holiday season, nutcrackers, Lifetime movies, and incest-based coffee commercials with our latest episode of 2018’s A Very Nutty Christmas!Kate Holiday (Melissa Joan Hart) is a woman who doesn’t dislike Christmas but is generally stressed out by it. She’s a baker and has to bake a lot of cookies for the holidays. After her actor/Santa boyfriend Mark (Ryan Caltagirone) dumps her, she acquires the original nutcracker toy which inspired the Nutcracker ballet.Needless to say it comes to life as a hunky guy named Chip (played by the older brother of Simon from 7th Heaven) and they become boyfriend and girlfriend. He teaches her about the meaning of Christmas by saving her bakery while working on poverty wages and cracking a lot of nuts with his bare hands.Some Notes:This movie has some very nutty IMDb accoutrement, including this trivia: "In the Lifetime movie Santa Con, Melissa Joan Hart and Barry Watson played siblings, here they play romantic interests." This inspired a conversation between Nick and Chris regarding the infamous Folgers Coffee incest commercial. Two days after the podcast recording, GQ published an extremely comprehensive oral history of said ad.IMDb Goofs: "When arriving at the theater, Kate is being repeatedly shushed by the audience while she's yelling at Chip, and she finally shushes the audience right back; at that moment an extra right behind her--a blonde lady wearing a pearl necklace--can't help herself but grin broadly and sweetly at Melissa, thereby breaking character: she, (along with the rest of the audience) is supposed to be very upset at Kate for yelling so much and disrupting the peace, but we can tell from that lady's sweet smile and tender look at the actress, that she was amused by how well Melissa performed her aggravation in that scene. This goof turned into a very cute moment."

Direct download. Special guest Adam Pecht returns to Your Stupid Minds to cover another poorly thought out and shoddily made horror film: 1990’s Demon Wind!Cory (Eric Larson) and his girlfriend Elaine (Francine Lapensée) visit the beautiful Napa Valley. The recent suicide of Cory's father compels him to visit his family’s old home. He assembles ten of his closest friends to help with the investigation, including Elaine’s jock ex-boyfriend Dell (T-Force’s Bobby Johnston), some nerd (Stephen Quadros), and a magician who is probably their drug dealer (Rufus Norris).Despite the creepy gas station owner warning them, they go to the house and encounter a bunch of creepy stuff, such as a minotaur head, weird demon children who turn people into dolls, skeletons, flying knifes, a handwritten book with Latin phrases, and so on. Needless to say they all die and/or turn into Star Trek aliens. Spoiler alert.Some Notes:Available on Amazon Prime with really lazy captions. There's also a recently-released Blu-ray.Shot on "short ends," meaning the discarded extra film from other movies.The omnipresent fog was not intentional, but a freak occurrence while filming. The filmmakers decided to roll with it. Funnily enough, "fog" is not the same thing as "wind."For more of the special guest, listen to our episode for Dracula 3D, where Adam also appears.

Direct download.Your Stupid Minds dips into a movie too tawdry for children and too stupid for adults: 1994’s Milk Money.A trio of 11-year-old boys saves up to purchase the services of a sex worker so they can see her naked (which is probably what they think sex is). When V (Melanie Griffith), a prostitute in the big city, agrees, circumstances bring her to their bucolic suburb where she lives in one of the boys’ treehouse and strikes up a romance with his widower father Tom (Ed Harris). There’s also something about stolen mob money, threatened wetlands, and a frilly leather jacket. Malcolm McDowell and Anne Heche are also in there somewhere.Some Notes:Paramount bought the Milk Money screenplay for $1.1 million despite it being, by all objective measures, a very bad screenplay.Available on Amazon Prime. The vast majority of the captions are truncated beyond recognition and barely resemble the actual lines spoken in the film. This often improves the dialogue.The way the boy treats V is vaguely similar to the relationship in The Toy. Another movie with "toy" in the title is Toy Story. Randy Newman does the soundtrack for Toy Story. Randy Newman also has a song in Milk Money. Coincidence???

Direct download. In honor of the (now not so recently) late legend Rutger Hauer, Your Stupid Minds covers one of our favorite Hauer films. No, not Blade Runner. Come on. You know what kind of podcast this is. It’s 1989’s Blind Fury!Nick Parker (Hauer) is an American solider in Vietnam blinded by Viet Cong shrapnel. He’s taken in by local villagers and taught the ways of the sword through elaborate bullying and pranks. Years later, he finds himself plopped into southern Florida as a friendly hobo.He goes to visit his old army buddy Frank (Terry O’Quinn), and instead finds his son Billy (Brandon Call) and soon-to-be-ex-wife Lynn (Meg Foster). The house is invaded by some goons and Nick must bring Billy back to his father and get to the bottom of this attack.Some Notes:Loosely based on the classic Japanese film and television character Zatoichi.Also featuring Randall 'Tex' Cobb (Raising Arizona), Nick Cassavetes (Face/Off), and Shô Kosugi (Ninja III: The Domination).

Direct download. After a thorough and inefficient search of the Amazon Prime streaming options, Your Stupid Minds settles on the most ridiculously titled ‘90s direct-to-video release in its general eyeshot: 1996’s Kid Cop!Sorry, I couldn't find a trailer. Here's a link to the Amazon Prime version.A kid cop (Jer Adrianne Lelliott) insists on being a kid cop after his adult cop dad is killed in the line of duty. His mother (Alexandra Paul) is concerned, but somewhat relieved that Kid Cop is guided by the man who did not prevent her husband’s death, his partner Frank (Edward Albert). Kid Cop finds a pattern in a series of burglaries around town, and eventually suspects a pair of newcomers to town: The ice cream truck owners Beverly and Stan (Cindy Pickett and John Rubinstein). He elicits the help of his new friend Lisa (Bethany Richards) and thwarts a heinous gold coin heist by these outsider monsters.Some Notes:Edward Albert, who plays Frank, is the son of Green Acres star Eddie Albert and Mexican actress/dancer Margo.Lewis Arquette, who plays the mayor, is the father of Rosanna Arquette, Patricia Arquette, Alexis Arquette, Richmond Arquette, and David Arquette.Sondra Currie appears in the film, and was also in a number of exploitation films, as well as The Hangover Parts I-III.Bethany Richards, who plays Lisa, is the sister of Ariana Richards, who plays Lex in Jurassic Park.Kid Cop's favorite ice cream treat is a "Slide-Up," which is likely a genericization of a Nestlé® Push-Up® Pop, notable for including Flintstones characters. Not to be confused with a Push Pop, which is a giant Jolly Rancher in tube form.

Direct download.Your Stupid Minds reviews a classic of the gym-based ‘80s slasher genre, Killer Workout, also known as Aerobi-cide.An up-and-coming model (Marcia Karr) is horrifically burned in a freak tanning bed fire. Two years (or is it five years?) later, her twin sister Rhonda (mentioned only in online synopses) opens up a gym where babes and hunks are murdered with a comically large novelty safety pin. A needlessly confrontational investigator, Lieutenant Morgan (David Campbell), is assigned the case. Another hunk, Chuck, (Ted Prior), is sent by the gym's senior partner to work at the gym, and also knows white guy karate.Some NotesTanning bed fires are not all that uncommon.Not to be confused with Death Spa, which came out a few years later. Weirdly enough one of the teens in this movie vandalizes the gym with a graffito tag that says "Death Spa," even though no spa services are seen.A horrible VHS digital transfer with frequent tracking issues is available on Amazon Prime. There is also a Blu-ray version sourced from a PAL Beta SP and upconverted to HD, meaning better than the Prime version, but not by much.

Direct download.Your Stupid Minds returns to sports television pioneer cum b-movie schlock director Andy Sidaris (Hard Ticket to Hawaii) with his 1989 beach babes spy caper Savage Beach.Donna (Dona Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlson) return to the Sidaris-verse when, after a drug bust and a naked hot tub session, fly to a remote island to deliver medicine to orphans. During the mission, they encounter a storm and have to crash land on a different island, which ends up being the center of an intertwined narrative about recovering hidden World War II era gold while a bevy of other parties—ninjas, Filipino revolutionaries, and the U.S. government—attempt to do the same.Some Notes:Select scenes were inexplicably shot in Fort Wayne, Indiana.Though an explosive-tipped crossbow bolt does not require an open can of gasoline to kill you, it does make the resulting explosion a lot cooler.Savage Beach features no remote controlled vehicles (a director trademark). However, it does offer a number of small watercraft, tourist helicopters, and single engine planes. In a way, these are similar to remote controlled vehicles, except bigger, able to transport humans, and with the remote control permanently attached to the interior and not remote at all.Shadow Shaman and Shadow Brutes have a 0.2% chance of dropping an iridium bar when slain. Both are located in the Mines, levels 81-119.

Direct download. Superfan Leo requested one of those most notoriously bad movies in modern history: Rob Reiner's 1994 box office bomb North.The titular 11-year-old wunderkind North (Elijah Wood) is tired of his parents' (played by Jason Alexander and Julia Louis-Dreyfus) bickering and self-centeredness, so he decides to become a "free agent" and shops around for new parents.With his parents in a shock-induced double coma, North traipses the globe looking for a new family, which takes him to Texas, Hawaii, Alaska, and so on. A number of A-Listers and fun character actors appear, including Bruce Willis, Jon Lovitz, Alan Arkin, Dan Aykroyd, Reba McEntire, Kathy Bates, John Ritter, Abe Vigoda, Richard Belzer, Ben Stein, and a very young Scarlett Johansson in her very first role.Some Notes:Roger Ebert famously disliked North, writing in his review that he "hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie." I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie later become the title of one of Ebert's books.The movie was based on the book North: The Tale of a Boy Who Becomes a Free Agent: and Travels the World in Search of the Perfect Parents, written by Alan Zweibel, who also penned the film's screenplay. Fun Fact: No one read this book. Not even the author.Abe Vigoda plays a inuit grandfather sent off to die on an ice floe. The actual Vigoda (who has always been 100 years old) would go on to live another 22 years.A young Jussie Smollett also appears in the film, this time uncovering an elaborate deception rather than (allegedly) perpetuating one.

Direct download.Have you ever wanted to see *NSYNC, Kenny Rogers, O-Town, Zachery Ty Bryan, LFO, Gilbert Gottfried, Dustin Diamond, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Paul Sorvino, Britney Spears, and Art Garfunkel all together on the big screen? No, you didn't. You really, really didn't. Because that’s what happened in 2001’s Lou Pearlman produced film Longshot, and it was awful.Sorry, we couldn't find a decent version of the trailer, so here's Britney Spears's scene in Longshot.Much like a Russian nesting doll, the film is a gigolo-based espionage thriller within a high school basketball redemption story within a story about O-Town watching the film just described. Producer and co-writer Tony DeCamillis stars as said gigolo Jack, who is forced by gangster Lazzlo Price (Sorvino) to seduce a rich widow for information about a recent merger.Meanwhile, Jack’s nephew Alex (Joey Sculthorpe) misses a game-winning basketball shot, and slowly gains confidence over his tormentor Deke (Ty Bryan) by beating up a mugger (“The Rock” Johnson) in a poorly-lit New York alley. Cue numerous gratuitous and pointless cameos from Lou Pearlman’s various employees, friends, and well-wishers.Some Notes:Producer of numerous boy bands (and this film) Lou Pearlman was sentenced to 25 years in prison for running a $300 million Ponzi scheme. He died in prison in 2016.YouTube Originals and Lance Bass recently produced a documentary about Pearlman titled The Boy Band Con: The Lou Pearlman Story.Pearlman's first love was airships, but could never get any to successfully fly. He once got Jordache to sponsor a blimp, which promptly crashed into a New Jersey garbage dump shortly after takeoff.

Direct download.We are back…. now for Your Stupid Minds’s 150th episode! Since we’ve gotten into the habit of releasing episodes featuring Neil Breen movies at fifty episode intervals (see: Fateful Findings, Double Down), we had to wait until Nick’s $30 standard definition DVD copy of his latest film, Twisted Pair, arrived via USPS from the Breen’s Las Vegas estate.Neil Breen plays twins Cade and Cale Altair, who were taken by aliens at birth and imbued with AI Intelligence superpowers that make them jump really high and unconvincingly. They are returned to earth to a secret agency in order to protect stock footage soldiers from gif explosions. While Cade excels, Cale flounders and grows a fake beard.Since this is where the voice over ends in the film, the rest of the synopsis gets a little hazy. Cade stalks a college campus at night, while Cale kidnaps evil corporate greed corporate business men and tortures them. The twins each have girlfriends who look remarkably similar in sparse lighting. Also starring Astro-Eagle and Brad Stein as Dectective (sic).Some Notes:Also see our episode for I Am Here.... Now. It was not released at a fifty episode interval, but it's worth listening to nonetheless.Keep an eye out for some footage from I Am Here.... Now on the projected screen in the home theater, along with framed posters for the films Ultraviolet and Shark Tale.TriviaThe beard that Cale wears is not actual facial hair that Neil Breen grew, but a hair-based prosthesis that Breen attached to his face.The rat that accompanies the homeless man on the college campus is not, in fact, a real rat, but a whole-rat prosthesis. A keen eye will note the "rat" does not move nor make noise for several seconds while on screen.Mr. Breen cannot, in fact, jump incredibly high. That effect was accomplished through the use of movie magic.Neil Breen and Astro-Eagle were both featured in the Marvel film Thor: The Dark World (2013), where Breen played Malekith and Astro-Eagle played himself.

Direct download.Your Stupid Minds goes back to its roots (we always say that) to cover a movie that, as Mary Berry likes to say, ticks all the boxes. Roger Cormon, Jim Wynorski, ‘80s, swords and sandals, buff dudes, John Lazar... Deathstalker II has it all!Deathstalker (John Terlesky) helps out a seer/princess Reena/Evie (Monique Gabrielle) regain her throne after the evil Jarek the Sorcerer (John Lazar) seizes the throne and clones an evil version of the princess to serve as his princess queen. Deathstalker is a swaggering mercenary who reluctantly goes on the mission, but stops a few times for side quests involving cemetery jewels. There are also amazons, nudity, wrestling, dwarves, bar fights, and a matter transmitting video phone bog.Some Notes:Directed by Your Stupid Minds regular Jim Wynorski (Vampirella, Desert Thunder, Chopping Mall).Featuring some higgledy-piggledy world-building, including henchmen who claim to know Genghis Khan, Attila the Hun, and Ivan the Terrible; figures of history which span roughly 1,200 years.Featuring Dee Booher, a.k.a. Matilda the Hun from the original Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling television series. She is credited as Queen Kong, her roller derby name at the time.

Direct download. Your Stupid Minds starts a new life... under the sea! Just in time for DC Comics' aquatic superhero movie, and (probably) two years before Disney makes an embarrassing remake of The Little Mermaid, it's the Walgreens genetic brand The Little Mermaid! Armando Gutierrez is a "banker, political consultant, and entrepreneur," who decided he should also become a movie producer after producing and appearing in Walt Before Mickey, a film version of a negative bio of Walt Disney. Armando teamed up with Blake Harris (writer, 12 Dates of Christmas), to make a public domain version of the Little Mermaid!A grandmother (Academy Award winner Shirley MacLaine) tells a familiar story of mermaids to her doubting grand-kids. After they scoff at the idea of mermaids, she tells a story that for legal reasons is entirely new: in the early 1900s, handsome journalist Cam (William Moseley, Peter from Chronicles of Narnia) takes care of his niece Elle, who has a vague asthma-like ailment that she fancifully associates with being a mermaid.Cam's boss tells him to go on assignment in Mississippi to investigate a mermaid and a circus selling a mermaid panacea. Cam doubts whether the story is true, even though it seems to directly relate to his own life. Will Cam fall in love with the mermaid? Will Elle get her mermaid-itis treated? Did I mention there are three other characters with super-powers in addition to the mermaid at this circus? Well, there are.Welcome to Note-Vale:Armando and Blake are already on to their next project, Anastasia, where Armando will play Rasputin. Brandon Routh has been cast as Tsar Nicholas.Chris embarrassingly did not recognize Gina Gershon, star of Showgirls, Bound, Face/Off, etc. To the best of our knowledge, her only other film on the podcast is a cameo appearance in LOL, where she gets high with Demi Moore and real-life friend Fisher Stevens.When the Mermaid assumes mermaid form, she grows her scale bra back; this raises a lot of biologic questions that we need answered! Please write in if you have theories.

Direct Download. Near-fatal cat infections and paternity leave is over, so after a brief hiatus, we are back! Chris's recuperation involved a trip to scenic New England, where he saw an old building once owned by Benedict Arnold (great-grandfather of the guy you're thinking of). A Google Maps search revealed a strange museum dedicated to the building. Friend of the show Sarah Long (guest on American Strays,  .com for Murder) mentioned that the owner of the museum produced a movie! So we watched it!Notent Notables:To the best of our knowledge, there isn't any method to impeach a witness's testimony by showing the witness is a homosexual. The cartoon villain Catholic bishop seems to disagree, literally using information learned in confessional to try to discredit a witness against him.Henry Sinclair was a Scottish guy born in 1345, an Earl and a vassal of the King of Norway. What this movie presupposes is: what if he's actually Jesus' secret great-grand-kid, *and* he took a boat to America in 1385 or so? And the prosecution of the Templars in 1307 was part of this cover-up of this guy being born thousands of miles away decades later. It's pretty obvious.The movie gets basic details of the history of American colonization wrong, and gives that dialogue to someone whose job is working for a historical society. The handsomest man in the movie, hitman with a heart Salazar, seems to have a chance at "making it," as he was a major character in the video game prequel "Life is Strange: Before the Storm."If you are interested in this movie, it is available for rent on Amazon Prime.