couples in focus

Summary In this episode of Couples in Focus, Michael Preston and Thomas Westenholz explore the complexities of meeting emotional needs in relationships. They discuss the challenges couples face when trying to balance their individual needs, the importance of communication, and the impact of attachment styles on relationship dynamics. The conversation emphasizes the necessity of regular check-ins and understanding each partner's emotional state to foster a healthier relationship. In this conversation, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston explore the complexities of relationship dynamics, focusing on how partners can better understand and meet each other's emotional needs. They discuss the importance of compassionate communication, recognizing imbalances in needs, and addressing cultural narratives that influence household responsibilities. The dialogue emphasizes the necessity of acknowledging each other's strengths and fostering a collaborative environment to enhance relational satisfaction. Takeaways Couples often feel their partner's needs are being met while their own are not. Understanding different love languages can help couples navigate their needs. It's important to acknowledge the overwhelming demands of modern life on relationships. Regular check-ins can prevent resentment from building up in relationships. Disappointment in relationships can be mitigated by sharing feelings with partners. Attachment styles play a significant role in how partners express and recognize their needs. Avoidant partners may struggle to identify their emotional needs. Communication is key to balancing needs in a relationship. Couples therapy provides a space for both partners to express their perspectives. Managing expectations and prioritizing energy can improve relationship dynamics. Emotional responses are crucial in meeting relationship needs. Practical tasks alone do not fulfill emotional needs. Both partners often feel their needs are unmet. Acknowledging each other's strengths can improve relationships. Compassionate communication is key to resolving conflicts. Cultural narratives can influence household dynamics. It's important to recognize the emotional load in relationships. Conversations about needs should be collaborative, not critical. Awareness of biases can help change relationship dynamics. Progress in communication takes practice and patience. Sound Bites "You can't drive a car without petrol." "Relationships aren't 50-50." "We often avoid these conversations." "It's really never gonna be enough." "How can we utilize each other's strengths?" "Awareness allows us to change." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Couples in Focus 01:00 Navigating Different Needs in Relationships 06:00 The Emotional Bank Account and Resource Management 11:08 The Importance of Communication and Check-Ins 15:48 Understanding Attachment Styles in Relationships 21:57 The Challenges of Identifying Needs 22:39 Navigating Relationship Needs 26:08 Understanding Imbalances in Needs 30:00 The Importance of Compassionate Communication 36:04 Addressing Cultural Narratives in Relationships To learn more, visit Thomas's website Or Michael's website

In this episode of Couples in Focus, Thomas and Michael unpack one of the most critical yet challenging aspects of any relationship—understanding and expressing your needs. Why do we often hesitate to voice what we truly need? What stops us from being honest with our partner about our desires, fears, and expectations? 🧠💔 Join us as we explore: The importance of self-awareness in identifying your needs. Common fears that hold people back from expressing themselves. How unmet needs can lead to frustration, resentment, or disconnect. Practical strategies to communicate your needs effectively without fear or guilt. This episode guides you to building a relationship where you and your partner feel heard, understood, and valued. 💡💛 🔔 Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share for more insights and tips to strengthen your connection! #RelationshipNeeds #EffectiveCommunication #CoupleTherapy #EmotionalIntimacy #Relationshipsguides you To learn more, go to ⁠https://coupletherapy.earth/⁠ or https://thesecurecouple.com/

Summary In this episode, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston discuss the common scenario where one partner is eager to pursue couples therapy while the other is resistant. They explore the reasons behind this resistance, emphasizing the importance of understanding and compassion. The conversation covers effective communication strategies, the significance of timing when discussing therapy, and how to create a collaborative environment. The hosts also introduce the 'Three C's' approach: Collaboration, Compassion, and Curiosity, as essential tools for navigating difficult conversations in relationships. Takeaways Many couples face resistance to therapy, often from one partner. Understanding the reasons behind resistance is crucial. Compassionate communication can help bridge the gap in relationships. Timing is key when discussing sensitive topics like therapy. Using 'I' statements can reduce defensiveness in conversations. It's important to approach therapy as a collaborative effort. Vulnerability in therapy can be daunting for some partners. Creating a safe space for discussion can lead to better outcomes. The 'Three C's'—Collaboration, Compassion, Curiosity—are vital for effective communication. Recognizing each partner's perspective can foster understanding and connection. Sound Bites "Shame shuts us down." "Clear is kind." "Approach resistance curiously." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Couples Therapy Resistance 03:11 Understanding Resistance to Therapy 05:55 Compassionate Approaches to Therapy 08:55 The Importance of Acknowledgment 11:59 Communicating Unhappiness Effectively 15:00 Using 'We' Statements for Connection 20:17 Understanding Disconnection in Relationships 22:36 The Importance of Timing in Conversations 25:23 Approaching the Topic of Counseling 27:51 Collaborative Approaches to Therapy 30:01 Navigating Resistance to Therapy 32:15 Reframing Help and Guidance 34:49 Compassionate Communication Strategies 40:14 The Three C's: Collaboration, Compassion, Curiosity To learn more visit https://coupletherapy.earth/ or https://thesecurecouple.com/

Summary In this episode of the Couples in Focus podcast, hosts Michael Preston and Thomas Westenholz delve into the complexities of relationships, particularly focusing on how small disagreements can escalate into significant arguments. They explore the underlying reasons for these escalations, including past experiences, communication gaps, and the emotional weight of words spoken during conflicts. The conversation emphasizes the importance of empathy, understanding, and consistent small actions in maintaining a healthy relationship. They also discuss the challenges of repairing after hurtful words are exchanged and the necessity of genuine emotional connection in the process of reconciliation. Takeaways Relationships are complex and often lead to misunderstandings. Small arguments can escalate due to underlying emotional issues. Past experiences significantly influence current relationship dynamics. Communication is key to preventing misunderstandings. Consistent small actions build emotional safety in relationships. Apologies must be accompanied by genuine empathy to be effective. Understanding a partner's history fosters compassion and connection. The meaning we assign to actions can lead to conflict. Emotional resonance is crucial for effective repair after conflict. Change takes time and effort, but it signals care in a relationship. Sound Bites "We can't unsay things." "The story takes on a life of its own." "The gap is a threat in relationships." Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Relationship Complexities 01:09 Understanding Arguments Over Small Issues 04:27 Exploring the Roots of Escalation 07:51 The Impact of Past Experiences on Present Conflicts 11:07 The Importance of Context in Relationships 17:25 Meaning-Making in Relationship Dynamics 21:29 Processing Information and Emotional Responses 22:43 Filling the Gaps in Communication 30:36 Navigating Small Conflicts to Big Arguments 40:58 Repairing Relationships After Conflict To learn more, go to https://coupletherapy.earth/ or https://thesecurecouple.com/

Summary In this conversation, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston delve into the dynamics of anxious pursuers and avoidant partners in relationships. They explore how these attachment styles affect communication, emotional regulation, and the overall compatibility of couples. The discussion highlights the importance of recognizing relationship warning signs, understanding protection patterns, and building authentic connections. They also provide practical advice for couples seeking to improve their relationship dynamics, including resources for self-help and therapy. Takeaways Anxious pursuers often feel a constant fear of disconnection. Avoidant partners may struggle to understand their partner's need for connection. Communication styles can significantly impact relationship dynamics. Recognizing emotional cues is essential for maintaining connection. Couples therapy can help partners understand their attachment styles. Compatibility is not solely determined by attachment styles; it can be developed. Emotional regulation is crucial for effective communication in relationships. Identifying relationship warning signs can prevent deeper issues. Practicing new communication strategies can foster empathy and understanding. Self-awareness in relationships can lead to healthier dynamics. Chapters 00:00 Understanding Relationship Dynamics 02:38 The Anxious Pursuer's Perspective 05:28 The Avoidant Partner's Experience 08:38 The Cycle of Distress in Relationships 11:32 Compatibility and Doubt in Relationships 14:28 Recognizing Relational Check Engine Lights 17:13 The Importance of Emotional Awareness 28:11 The Importance of Slowing Down in Relationships 31:15 Recognizing Imbalances and Seeking Help 33:50 Understanding Relationship Dynamics and Patterns 38:11 The Role of Attachment Styles in Compatibility 41:57 Therapy as a Relationship Checkup 44:53 Navigating Compatibility and Authenticity 53:36 Practical Steps for Reconnecting in Relationships To learn more, go to ⁠https://coupletherapy.earth/⁠ or https://thesecurecouple.com/

Summary In this conversation, Michael Preston and Thomas Westenholz discuss the intricacies of emotional focus therapy (EFT) and the common relationship issues that arise in therapy. They explore the concept of communication issues, emphasizing that these often stem from deeper emotional cues and attachment styles. The discussion delves into the dynamics of pursuers and withdrawers in relationships, the importance of vulnerability, and the need for empathy and understanding. They also highlight the significance of slowing down communication, the dangers of texting during distress, and the role of attachment styles in shaping relationship dynamics. Ultimately, the conversation underscores the importance of connection, trust, and emotional safety in fostering healthy relationships. Takeaways Communication issues often mask deeper emotional cues. Understanding attachment styles is crucial in therapy. Vulnerability can elicit empathy and connection. The cycle of disconnection is a common theme in relationships. Texting during distress can lead to miscommunication. Empathy is essential for healing in relationships. Action tendencies are natural responses to fear. Children's behavior often reflects bids for connection. Adults can exhibit tantrum-like behaviors under stress. Trust and safety are foundational for healthy relationships. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) 00:56 Common Relationship Issues and Communication Challenges 06:38 Understanding Emotional Cues in Communication 12:55 The Cycle of Disconnection and Connection 17:01 Decriminalizing Action Tendencies in Relationships 23:11 Attachment Styles and Their Impact on Relationships 30:10 Strategies for Managing Emotional Distress 34:20 Adrenaline and Emotional Responses 37:21 Understanding Relationship Dynamics 39:58 The Role of Communication in Relationships 45:50 Navigating Vulnerability and Empathy 51:39 Attachment Styles and Personal Journeys To learn more, go to ⁠https://coupletherapy.earth/⁠ or https://thesecurecouple.com/

Summary In this engaging conversation, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston delve into the intricacies of Emotional Focused Therapy (EFT) and its profound impact on relationships. They explore the journey to EFT, the significance of attachment, the role of shame, and the importance of communication in fostering connection. The discussion highlights the transformative nature of therapy, emphasizing compassion and understanding as key components in navigating emotional responses and building healthier relationships. The hosts encourage listeners to embrace vulnerability and seek support, ultimately leading to personal growth and improved relational dynamics. Takeaways EFT provides a structured approach to couples therapy. Attachment theory is crucial in understanding relationship dynamics. Shame can inhibit personal growth and relationship healing. Effective communication is essential for resolving conflicts. Compassion plays a vital role in therapy and relationships. Therapists act as guides in navigating emotional landscapes. Understanding emotional responses can enhance relational connections. Therapy can lead to profound personal transformations. Couples often leave therapy with new tools for relating. The therapeutic process is about building trust and safety. Chapters 00:00 Introduction to Exploring Humanity and EFT 01:15 The Journey into Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) 09:20 The Importance of Attachment in Relationships 18:50 Understanding Shame and Its Impact on Parenting 28:32 Navigating Emotions: The Biological Compass 34:04 Communication and Language in Relationships 36:48 Navigating Communication in Relationships 39:21 Understanding Emotional Needs 41:56 Overcoming Emotional Barriers 44:27 The Complexity of Emotional Responses 47:37 Dual Emotions and Their Impact 50:28 The Role of the Therapist as a Guide 53:19 Building a Map for Relating 57:00 The Power of Emotional Transformation To learn more, go to ⁠https://coupletherapy.earth/⁠ or https://thesecurecouple.com/

Why do so many conversations with people we care about spiral into arguments? Often it’s because we’re focused on being right instead of relating.In this episode of Couples in Focus, I unpack the difference between proving your point and stepping into someone else’s “map” — their inner world of experiences, feelings, and beliefs. You’ll hear real-life examples of how shifting from defensiveness to curiosity can transform conflicts into moments of connection, whether with a partner, friend, coworker, or family member.We’ll explore why relating builds trust and emotional safety, and I’ll share practical tools you can use to pause, listen, and connect without losing yourself in the process.For more on relationships and therapy, visit coupletherapy.earth.

Modern mental health often promises quick fixes — usually in the form of medication. While antidepressants can help, they rarely touch the deeper roots of why so many of us are struggling.In this episode of Couples in Focus, I take a step back and ask: what if the crisis isn’t just chemical, but human? We’ll explore the four foundations of good mental health — nature, movement, social connection & meaning, and touch — and how losing these has left us unbalanced. I’ll also share the metaphor of the inner compass, showing how our thoughts, emotions, and body sensations can guide us back when we feel lost.If you’re tired of surface-level solutions and want to reconnect with the deeper foundations of well-being, this episode is for you. Learn more at coupletherapy.earth.

We’ve been sold a lie about love. Movies, books, and social media tell us it’s all about sparks, passion, and intensity — but that isn’t real love.In this episode of Couples in Focus, I delve into the truth about lasting love: why it feels calm rather than chaotic, why it develops gradually over time, and how attachment theory reveals what a genuine connection is built upon. You’ll hear stories that highlight the difference between intensity that fizzles out and the kind of steady, safe love that lasts.If you’re ready to rethink what love really means and how to build it, tune in — and learn more about relationships and therapy at coupletherapy.earth.

Why do we so often feel lost in our mental health journey? In this episode of Couples in Focus, I introduce the metaphor of the inner compass — the signals of our thoughts, emotions, and body sensations that point us toward balance or warn us when we’re drifting off course.Through real stories, we’ll explore how ignoring small signals, such as tension, rumination, or sadness, only makes them grow louder, and how learning to listen helps us make small course corrections before they become crises. You’ll discover practical tools for reorienting yourself to your inner compass, allowing you to find steadiness and clarity in everyday life.For more on therapy and emotional well-being, visit coupletherapy.earth

Why do some relationships feel easy while others leave us stuck in constant cycles of tension? A lot of the answer lies in attachment styles — the patterns we carry into love, intimacy, and connection.In this episode of Couples in Focus, I’ll break down the four main attachment styles, how they tend to pair up, and why certain combinations spark harmony while others create friction. You’ll hear real-life examples of anxious–avoidant push-pull dynamics, how secure partners bring balance, and what to look for if you want a relationship that feels safe and fulfilling.Whether you’re dating, in a relationship, or reflecting on past connections, this episode will help you recognise your own style and understand how compatibility really works.Learn more about relationships and therapy at coupletherapy.earth.

On this episode of Couples in Focus, we cut through the noise of dating advice and boil it down to just two questions:Do I feel safe, relaxed, and like I can be myself?Do I feel accepted and seen?Through real stories, I’ll show how these two simple questions reveal more than any dating script ever could — helping you notice the difference between a date that drains you and one that feels energising and real.If you want to dive deeper into relationships and therapy, visit coupletherapy.earth.

SummaryIn this conversation, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston explore the complexities of relationships, particularly the notion of keeping one's side of the street clean. They discuss the importance of understanding both individual and shared worlds in a relationship, the impact of emotional neglect, and the necessity of co-regulation. The dialogue emphasises that relationships are not merely transactional but require mutual support and emotional engagement. They highlight the significance of emotions as a compass guiding individuals back to their needs and the importance of navigating emotional responsibility without falling into the trap of managing each other's emotions.Check out my website for couples therapyTakeawaysKeeping your side of the street clean is simplistic.Relationships require understanding both individual and shared worlds.Emotional neglect can have lasting impacts.It's not just about doing your part; it's about connection.Co-regulation is essential for emotional health.Good intentions can still cause harm in relationships.Emotions serve as a compass for our needs.Mutual support is crucial in navigating challenges.Relationships are not about 50-50; it's about collective resources.We need to walk hand in hand in our emotional journeys.Chapters00:00 The Concept of Relationship Dynamics02:49 Understanding Individual and Shared Worlds05:31 The Impact of Emotional Neglect08:32 The Complexity of Keeping Your Side Clean11:20 The Role of Systems in Relationships14:11 Navigating Emotional Responsibility16:58 The Importance of Co-Regulation19:56 Mutual Support in Relationships23:03 The Balance of Emotional Engagement25:55 The Role of Emotions as a Compass28:41 Final Thoughts on Relationship Dynamics

SummaryIn this episode, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston explore the complexities of desire in long-term relationships, discussing how desire can diminish over time due to various factors such as overwhelm, emotional disconnect, and resentment. They emphasise the importance of maintaining physical touch, open communication, and addressing emotional needs to rebuild intimacy and connection. The conversation highlights the necessity of acknowledging the challenges couples face and the importance of seeking help when needed.Get couples therapy TakeawaysDesire in relationships often shifts and requires effort to maintain.Physical touch is essential for keeping desire alive.Overwhelm and exhaustion can hinder intimacy.Emotional disconnect can lead to resentment and barriers to connection.Regular communication about sex can enhance intimacy.Setting aside dedicated time for touch is crucial.Acknowledging emotional needs is vital for rebuilding trust.Couples may need help to navigate complex emotional dynamics.Good people can unintentionally hurt their partners.Admitting when a relationship is lost is the first step to recovery.Chapters00:00 Introduction to Desire in Relationships00:25 Understanding the Drop in Desire05:32 Overwhelm vs. Emotional Disconnect08:09 The Importance of Physical Touch10:47 Creating Space for Conversations about Sex15:31 Addressing Emotional Blocks to Intimacy22:24 Navigating Trauma in Relationships