Discovertcr! diaries - podcast
tcr! diaries - podcast

tcr! diaries - podcast

Author: tcr!

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The ebbs and flows of this alcoholic. It's all true. Sometimes I'm serious. Sometimes I'm not. The episodes tend to be short.
207 Episodes
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like a fatalistic mist

like a fatalistic mist

2020-04-08--:--

content: Mar 25, 2020 · podcast: Apr 8, 2020 3:46 am: God, I am so sick of being awake. 6:37 am: Just because you stop talking about things doesn’t mean everything’s okay. An x-boss of mine and I would argue and argue about things. And we’d argue about the same kinds of things over and over again. Architecture, database modeling, how to reply to emails. Crap that was important for sure and some crap that wasn't. For the longest time I would back down because he was my boss and I worked for him, even if I felt that he was in the wrong. He wasn’t the healthiest tool in the shed. Not saying that I am either but I do try in earnest to balance on the spiritual beam. But somewhere along the way a switch flipped and I stopped caring about maintaining a happy, healthy relationship with that x-boss. I heard on a podcast not long ago that “people typically don’t just snap, they slowly spiral down, and then eventually give up.” Toward the end of my career with him, after we’d been arguing for a handful of minutes, we’d just stop. Because I wouldn’t back down when I thought he was wrong. And there would be no resolution or closure. Whatever difference we were having would just stay floating in the uneasy air, floating around the office like a fatalistic mist. I can count at least three times I walked out during an argument with him, walked clear out of the office, shaking in anger. And it always almost infuriated me when he would come into work the next day and act like nothing was wrong. Blue skies abound. Like that nothing had happened, that the afternoon before we weren’t both red faced yelling. I don’t know about you guys but I’m not the kind of person that can have a healthy relationship with someone if there isn’t closure. I know this stems from being too drunk and too passive for too long. I just can’t do it anymore. Untied shoes will trip me every time. Yeah, I can get along, maintain peace, be professional but fuck me being cordial when someone’s being outright jerky. It’s not about carrying resentments either. It’s about setting healthy boundaries. It’s me not participating in somebody’s stubborn, close minded bullshit. It’s about keeping my distance because assholes abound. If we don’t resolve our differences in the here and now, our personal connection will be broken. Not permanently, but presently. I subscribe to forgiveness and all that so I’m always willing to move forward with peaceful resolution. And I don’t like admitting when I’m wrong for sure. But when it comes to relationships and people that I care about my pride isn’t that important. It’s worth swallowing… 👍👍 #worknews #relationships #closure #diariespodcast Momma J · Mar 25, 2020 at 2:59 pm I agree with everything you said tcr! · Mar 25, 2020 at 7:00 pm I hope so 😉 angeline35 · Mar 29, 2020 at 11:12 pm I love the statement “assholes abound”. I took more from it than just that though. Lol tcr! · Mar 30, 2020 at 9:49 am Good! It was meant for the taking ❤️ Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Sep 24, 2018 · podcast: Apr 5, 2020 I would get one myself but I’ve just settled in for my late afternoon nap. I don’t need a full glass, a full cup will do. I know you’ve been there: partially parched and close to near death as your bones wither down to the marrow. Plastic cups with the Millennium Falcon are preferred. Thor artwork will do. Toy Story cartoons are forbidden. Please ring the doorbell and I’ll shortly answer via one-way video yet two-way audio teleconference. Don’t be alarmed, the future is now. If clearance is granted I will give you a four digit pin with which you may unlock the castle door. Don’t get any bright or shifty shady ideas though, they’re one time use only. Nice try. #helpwanted #diariespodcast 💦 Hater McGhray · Sep 24, 2018 at 6:41 pm Did you get some water yet? You want me to run the hose up to your window? tcr! · Sep 25, 2018 at 7:01 am Yes. A hose, please. For water. If it’s not too much trouble. Mitchell · Sep 25, 2018 at 7:42 am So I checked on same day delivery it’s gonna cost over $200 to get some water to you in a millennium falcon cup tcr! · Sep 25, 2018 at 11:21 am We shall spare no expense! Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
Just stay there

Just stay there

2020-04-02--:--

content: Feb 8, 2019 · podcast: Apr 1, 2020 I don’t know where this quote came from but it’s one of my favorites. The next time you get driven to your knees to pray, just stay there. I pray when I’m in pain but mostly I try to pray because I’m okay and want to stay that way. I do my best to stay on my spiritual knees because if I let arrogance or pride or hurt overrule what really matters, I know I’ll be humbled against my will and that’s never fun. But more than that... I’d rather stay in the sunshine than go sit in the dark. Once wrapped in that warm, peaceful glow sitting in a cold, dark basement doesn’t sound that appealing. I’ve made life bad enough. Okay, saying “wrapped in that warm, peaceful glow” is fruity. I’m not sitting in a lotus position all day channeling Buddha nor am I walking around on rainbows. But when I have that cosmonaut bond, I’m okay. And I don’t struggle with the everyday headaches of making lists and tying my shoes. #photos #candles #lettherebehope #diariespodcast Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
Gifts from the cosmos

Gifts from the cosmos

2020-03-29--:--

content: Apr 8, 2019 · podcast: Mar 29, 2020 Life brings me a lot of happiness. Like going to a real estate open house with Maggie just for fun. Or seeing an unexpected cute little flower in my yard. Or eating cherry pie bars with Sara on a normal weeknight. Most days I remember those are gifts from the cosmos. I only need be my best self and I get all the blessings. God will literally throw shit at me to be happy about. Here, this is awesome. Take it. Wait, here’s some more. Take this shit, too. I got happiness all over me like I’m a clown hit in the face with that very cherry pie. My eyes will literally tear up from happiness. Grace, peeps. Then there are times when I’m not feeling the kind of happiness that overwhelms me with gratitude. Some days I feel down right blue. Through and through. That’s just life. It’s not all sunshine and flower petals. But me being who I am my mind can start looking at those things directly to fill me up. I’ll want to selfishly pick the flowers and make them mine. Hold them tight to make me happy. I forget that those things aren’t the true source of happiness. They’re only gifts. I won’t be happy for long when I set my eyes on the tangible. My happiness is a gift from god for being my best self. Then I get the presents. 🎁 #advancedsoul #diariespodcast Momma J · Apr 8, 2019 at 11:11 am Such kindness and truth! tcr! · Apr 8, 2019 at 2:12 pm Thank you! Kris HB · Apr 8, 2019 at 8:25 pm May You Be Blessed Beyond Your Dreams 😘 BBYD 💙💚💛🧡💜 tcr! · Apr 9, 2019 at 7:46 am Right back at ya! Momma J · Mar 29, 2020 at 4:54 pm Wonderful grace and happiness tcr! · Mar 29, 2020 at 6:04 pm Yep, all of that! jimi hindrance experience · Mar 29, 2020 at 9:36 pm A rodeo clown? tcr! · Mar 30, 2020 at 9:51 am 🤠 🤡 🤠 Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Mar 23, 2020 · podcast: Mar 28, 2020 Me: Alexa, play WBEZ. WBEZ: Coronavirus cases in Illinois have surpassed 1,000 and now includes an infant. Me: Ugh. Alexa, play WNYC. WNYC: Mayor Blasio said that the city's 11 public hospitals have a week before they run out of life-saving equipment and medical supplies to treat patients with COVID-19. Me: Well good. Alexa, play WFPL. WFPL: There are 103 people with positive coronavirus tests in Kentucky as of Sunday evening. Three people have died as a result of the coronavirus. Me: No. No corona. Alexa, play StarTalk Radio. StarTalk Radio: On this episode of StarTalk Radio, we sit down with Dr. Irwin Redlener, Director of the National Center for Disaster Preparedness, to discuss everything we need to know about the Coronavirus… Me: What the holy fuck? Alexa, play Science Friday. Science Friday: Experiencing COVID-19 information overload? Two experts offer clarity on the studies taking over news headlines this week… Me: Dude, you’re part of the fucking problem. All of you. You’re killing me here with this, the endless corona train of viral lunacy. I just want normal talk radio for like five fucking minutes. 🚂🦠🦠🦠 #coronavirus #talkradio #allislost #diariespodcast fiatlux423 · Mar 23, 2020 at 2:46 pm Listen to KEXP my friend. Cheryl Waters will make everything better. tcr! · Mar 23, 2020 at 4:56 pm I can’t the kxep.org website to load anymore fiatlux423 · Mar 23, 2020 at 5:09 pm What? I’m listening to Troy Nelson right now marney0160 · Mar 24, 2020 at 11:23 am I’m listening to the birds outside 💖 Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Sep 5, 2019 · podcast: Mar 27, 2020 Peeps, you know how sometimes you want something so bad. Think about it day after day, get angry and frustrated because nothing changes… I get it. I’ve had my fair share of being stuck in jobs, relationships, stuck in some kind of mud. But trust me when I say that good things are being sorted out in the background. Too often it takes a long mother-clucking time but the stars *will* align. Possibly a couple years later. It’s okay to give up hope now and then, but keep some trust in your back pocket. The cosmos will sneak up and scare the shit out of you with beautiful things. Be ready. PS- I don't play in the symphony but sometimes I pretend I do 🎼 🎶 #photos #flowers #lettherebehope #diariespodcast Kelly K · Sep 5, 2019 at 3:12 pm It’s so funny that no matter how many times God has done in my life, exactly what you are talking about, that I still question it for the “next thing”? tcr! · Sep 5, 2019 at 4:01 pm Yep, I posted this as a reminder for myself as well. 😊 keamoose · Mar 27, 2020 at 5:06 pm “good things are being sorted out in the background” - love it. tcr! · Mar 27, 2020 at 6:09 pm Yep. That’s how they do 😊 jimi hindrance experience · Mar 27, 2020 at 8:12 pm I am the drummer for the Modern Jazz Quartet. tcr! · Mar 28, 2020 at 8:37 am Did eorr ever give you back your drumsticks? jimi hindrance experience · Mar 28, 2020 at 8:39 am YES!!! I was like a hyperactive 8 year old at Disneyland too. 😎 jimi hindrance experience · Mar 27, 2020 at 8:14 pm I have to agree with keamoose too. Love the epistles of tcr. lisa8 · Mar 27, 2020 at 8:39 pm Love ya 👏👏💖💖 Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
i’m not a hybrid.mp3

i’m not a hybrid.mp3

2020-03-24--:--

content: Mar 24, 2020 Please enjoy another song I recorded sometime in the late 90s, maybe 1996. Of course I wrote all the lyrics and music and played all the instruments. Because that's what you do when you're me. we have to be whoever we wanna be we could die if we plow around in their cornfields we should go wherever we wanna go i won’t be glued into their cubicles doors are made to be slammed open i won’t sit and blink in closets get your own perception get your own perception and this is the waystation and we are all more than this we have to break free, it’s within reach i don’t know about you but they lied to me the right house, the right car, the right wife, the right job, the right tie everybody let’s eat going my ways, directing my plays starring in my, my show get your own perception get your own perception and this is the waystation and we are all more than this bailing hay, on the... bailing hay, on the mild side and this is the waystation and we are all more than this I guess 25-ish years ago I was sick of living in the midwest. I do enjoy the 70s electric riff and acoustic guitar solos though! Alias: grahm sexton Title: i’m not a hybrid #tcrmusic #diariespodcast Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
it doesn't matter

it doesn't matter

2020-03-22--:--

content: Aug 9, 2016 · podcast: Mar 22, 2020 I had a revelation a few minutes ago. It’s long but it was worth it for me to write it down. Back when I was maybe 19 or 20 and washing dishes in a restaurant, the baker’s appearance had gone downhill. Meaning she quit wearing her hat and apron and never tucked in her shirt. She looked like she absolutely didn’t care, frumping around and all. One day my boss asked me what was up with her and I’m like, “I dunno but she looks a little slobby.” He stood there for a few seconds and then went over to her work station. He said something along the lines of, “you really need to wear your full uniform and tuck in your shirt.” And he said it...not like in a jerky voice...but I could hear some emotion in it. It’s never easy to basically tell someone they look like a slob and need to step up their appearance. People take how they look very personal. I know I do. He also called her out on this out in the open, not behind closed doors. I heard it and so did everyone else around. I’m not saying he raised his voice but if you were standing within 25 feet you would’ve heard him. I assumed he did this so he would have some backup in case the confrontation got out of hand. Always good to have witnesses. Plus, if you got something to say, say it now. Sitting on something is akin to revving up your engines before barreling off. So the next day the baker has her hat and apron on, shirt’s tucked in, you could’ve done a photoshoot with her on how to “dress for success.” But she had a tension around her that was thick as bricks. I didn’t even want to look at her. Any minute she was gonna start breathing fire and shit. ... So earlier this morning while I’m getting dressed for work my mind wandered back to all of this. I started to wonder if maybe she wasn’t about to breathe fire, but instead maybe she felt so self-conscious that her mental defenses had gone code red. Maybe she was simply projecting an attitude of “don’t fuck with me” because she was overwhelmed with shame, embarrassment, whatever. In situations like this I’ve always, always assumed that people like the baker were angry at the other person who called them out. Getting ready for another fight and all. Round two. But maybe they’re not. Maybe they’re simply angry and upset with themselves. Maybe all that leaky angst is really projected inward. By default I take things way too personal, assume someone's hostility is my fault, absorb negativity whether it’s mine or not. I’m also prone to be emotional, hold on to things way too long. I mean here I am thinking about the baker and my boss some 20 odd years later. ... Anyways, back to my point. Was she upset with my boss or was she upset with herself? Revelation: it doesn’t matter. When I need to confront someone I need to say my peace and move on. How they react and act afterward is their burrito to deal with. I don’t need to “police the universe” as they say. When my peace is out in the open, my job is to treat them once again with the love and dignity they deserve. If what I’m saying comes from a good and true place — I can have the confidence to move on and look at any memes I missed while toiling around with life’s never ending anxieties. Me holding on to my emotion in anyway only continues to feed the tension, propagate the myth that I’m not okay and neither are you. It doesn’t promote my own well being or yours. Me treating you as if “it” never happened lets everyone get on with life. It says that we are indeed okay. I get to see you as a happy, healthy human and I get to be one myself. We all struggle to fit in, to be accepted. Especially in social situations. Nobody wants to be told that they look like a slob. Sometimes we need to hear that though, it puts us back on track when we’ve wandered off course. I just trust that the people who are pointing out my flaws are doing it because they love me. Peeps, I accept you as you are, flaws and all. And me accepting you when you fuck up…well, maybe you’ll be more accepting of me the next time I do. This isn’t anything new, I’m sure any good self-help book will tell you the same. ... The thing is though, I can read books all day long but what counts is when I apply the words to very specific situations in my life — in the present or in the past. Internalize them against memories that are still kicking around in my head. Afterward I get blessed with closure and am able to move freely about the cabin. Or cosmos. Whatever you’re into. #lettherebehope #jettrails #diariespodcast Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
Corona office bunker

Corona office bunker

2020-03-20--:--

content: Mar 19, 2020 · podcast: Mar 20, 2020 I’m sitting in a basement room surrounded by four concrete walls and one door. I haven’t seen, regular natural light since Sunday. My tech job encourages social distancing so there’s no getting out of work. Most of my office works from home regardless of whatever pandemic is harassing the world. I’ve been listening to the same YouTube playlist since Tuesday afternoon. I’m an introverted social butterfly and the lack of ridiculous public outbursts to unsuspecting cashiers leaves me feeling blue and unfulfilled. If I eat one more cutie orange I’m gonna puke. My guacamole is browning. Everything is terrible. How are you? PS- we’re gonna come out of this a better species. Wave to everybody you see. Give them a double thumbs up from six feet away. 👍👍 #photos #basement #coronavirus #diariespodcast keamoose · Mar 19, 2020 at 12:44 pm We’re all good up here. Feel free to send me ridiculous unwarranted outbursts as needed to keep morale up. 👍👍 Uncle Timmy · Mar 19, 2020 at 12:54 pm Keep us informed what happens inside your world! Looking forward to it! fiatlux423 · Mar 19, 2020 at 1:16 pm KEXP.org is keeping me going for real. tcr! · Mar 21, 2020 at 10:02 am I’ve always loved them guys. I should see if they have a Fire TV app. fiatlux423 · Mar 21, 2020 at 10:38 am Who, the KEXP radio station? I love them so much. threecrates · Mar 19, 2020 at 1:25 pm Lots of love and be well my friend. 🤘🏻😷🤘🏻 asquared01 · Mar 19, 2020 at 1:38 pm Dude! You need to see the natural light! Take care of yourself. I’m an introvert too. Right now, it’s not too different for me since I rarely leave the house during winter. 😂 Kelly K · Mar 19, 2020 at 3:20 pm I love the PS! I’m know I’m being all radical here, but maybe change up the playlist, step outside for a breath of fresh air. I can also call you randomly and ask you if you found everything you’re looking for, and give you a random total for your pretend purchases if that would cheer you up… flood · Mar 19, 2020 at 6:14 pm Hang in there! Where is your cat? tcr! · Mar 20, 2020 at 10:10 am Probably off chasing chipmunks in the other part of the basement. That’s the norm come March. flood · Mar 20, 2020 at 10:12 am Ours are not liking being cooped up with the dog in this crummy weather. tcr! · Mar 21, 2020 at 10:01 am Yep. Lotta cooped up going around! Irene · Mar 19, 2020 at 6:30 pm Go outside and get some fresh air every morning when you first get up 😊 tcr! · Mar 21, 2020 at 10:01 am Once the weather warms I should start doing that. It was 26F when I got up this morning. 🥶 Irene · Mar 21, 2020 at 10:06 am Correct, but you need to breathe deeply all that fresh crisp morning air blow out slowly just do that a few times and you will feel terrific when you go back inside… in the frigid winter morning air sometimes I can only get my storm door open a crack because it is so froze, enough for me to get my nostrils out and breathe that deep crisp air. LOL seriously! franh · Mar 19, 2020 at 6:40 pm Doing ok down in Florida. Was gonna come up and visit next week but decided it best to stay out of airports and such. Be up there when things get back to somewhat normal. 👍👍 tcr! · Mar 21, 2020 at 10:00 am Looking forward to seeing you! franh · Mar 21, 2020 at 11:12 am Will be nice to see you too. Be well Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Oct 23, 2018 · podcast: Mar 18, 2020 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ek1ePFp-nBI I haven’t seen the new Halloween movie, just the trailer and commercials. It looks like they may have largely ignored the later films. Because that would be good. Bad guys should never say, “Oh, I wasn’t really dead. I’ve just been chillin’ here in this decade long coma.” Comas induced by two fiery explosions (4th and 5th films) or whatever. Because that’s dumb. Writers in the horror genre: take a tip from Star Wars and don’t kill off your villain in the first or second movie. Wait until the third and make it a solid trilogy. I wasn’t super excited they were making another Halloween movie and I’m a bit curmudgeon’ed before even getting to the theater. Rob Zombie did his Halloween movies not that long (2007 and 2009) so I’m not sure if we need another. We got ten others. And Zombie’s take on Myers wasn’t really that good. Stephen King’s written literally tens of books and most that have been made into films are in my top 20 list of horror movies you have to see. Carrie, Christine, Cujo, Pet Cemetery, The Shining, etc. So in this new 2018 trailer, when Michael drops the teeth over the bathroom stall door, I got the feeling he did this as a fear tactic. A way to scare his victim. Pleasurably. One of the great things about the original two Halloween films is that Carpenter and Hill never gave Michael emotion. They also never gave him motive. Never gave him cause or reason. He was simply out to stab and strangle his sisters. People void of emotions are far more frightening than those who’re demonstrably psychotic. Unknown things are terrifying. Charles Manson acting goofy and outrageous in prison, not scary. Don’t get me wrong, the teeth drop was a novel idea but I don’t think it’s necessarily what Myers would do. He’s a killing automaton, not a sadistic dentist from Little Shop of Horrors. And then Laurie Strode. In this movie she looks to be arming up like she’s in Terminator 2. I’d rather have her permanently scarred and traumatized than channeling Sarah Connor. Yeah, I’m all coming down on this movie. I’m sure I’ll watch it sooner or later like I have all the others. But I can’t say I’m excited. Not at this point. But I do like Danny McBride. But I'm not sure about David Gordon Green. #movies #michaelmyers #diariespodcast bee.jonny · Oct 23, 2018 at 10:35 am It is a direct sequel to the original ignoring all others in between tcr! · Oct 23, 2018 at 10:42 am Ahhh.. That’s good news then. bee.jonny · Oct 23, 2018 at 10:46 am Agreed! It came out really good in my opinion Hater McGhray · Oct 23, 2018 at 11:06 am It’s pretty good Lisette · Oct 23, 2018 at 11:50 am It’s awesome. Picks up modern day without all the crap between original and now jimi hindrance experience · Oct 23, 2018 at 4:15 pm I saw it. It’s growing on me. I didn’t/don’t have any emotional involvement in it, it was just mindless gore entertainment. It ignores the stupid sequels and picks up with a genuine story. It seems to me that part of Michael’s M.O. the first time around included frightening people. He does do that teeth thing. And it might not be strictly in keeping with the canon but it’s effective. And the part of Laurie Strode as traumatized survivor that isn’t gonna take it anymore works very well. There is much worse schlock out there. tcr! · Oct 23, 2018 at 4:47 pm Yep. I’m willing to give it the benefit of the doubt now. Sara also insisted we go this Friday night. jimi hindrance experience · Oct 23, 2018 at 5:54 pm Did I ever ask you what you thought of “First Man”? I liked it. tcr! · Oct 23, 2018 at 8:02 pm I liked it, too! I got a little seasick at times but I’d watch it again. My favorite part: “do you think I’d be out here by myself if I wanted to talk?” Armstrong might not have said those exact words but regardless, that’ll be with me for the rest of my life. 😁 jimi hindrance experience · Oct 24, 2018 at 1:54 pm I KNEW you’d get it. Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Dec 12, 2018 · podcast: Mar 16, 2020 Apple firecracker, circa July 2014 Way back when... in one of the restaurants I worked at, the manager hired his son to bus tables. Nothing exciting there. But back in the prep room the manager would rough house with the son most days. Take a boxing stance, throw half-hearted punches and jabs, smack the son’s hands when he raised them in defense. The son never seemed to like that much. I don’t blame him. Not only is it stressful to have someone bigger constantly rough housing, there were also plenty of teenage girl servers milling about as well. A good way to impress the chicks is by getting mock beat up by your dad. Of course the manager thought it was loads of fun to horse play. I often got the impression that he felt like he was being a good dad. Quality time with the boy and all. Male barbaric bonding if you will. Do you know what the manager seemed like to me? A bully. So then a few years later I went back to work in the same restaurant and the manager/son team were still working there. In the prep room it was the same story, different year. Tough guy, boxer dad. Son taller and annoyed. And do you know what the son seemed like to me then? After becoming an older teenage? With a healthy dose of wavering self esteem and anger management issues? After a few couple years of being bullied by his own dad? An asshole. A bossy, rude jerk. #photos #axetogrind #diariespodcast Momma J · Dec 14, 2018 at 8:27 pm Agree Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
We'd pray as a group

We'd pray as a group

2020-03-14--:--

content: Mar 7, 2017 · podcast: Mar 14, 2020 Some of you may have heard part of this already. It needed an expounding. So back when I was a teenager and drinking and being out of control and kinda sorta wanting to be sober, my dad suggested I read the We Agnostics (PDF) chapter from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. I read it because he asked me to but I was resistant to the whole Higher Power thing. Not that I didn't believe in God or the destruction of man by alcohol -- I certainly did. My mom and I read The Man from Ida Grove by Harold Hughes way back before I went berserk. I knew the story and how alcoholism could play out. My mom even helped me memorize the Serenity and Lord's Prayer during that era. Also when I was a pre-berserk kid I'd go off to church with the neighborhood friends and after the sermons and the whatnots, we'd pray as a group. I'd mouth the words but never felt the power and the love of God as they seemed to. Those friends had peace when they were young, a confidence in their place in the world that I was obviously lacking. Most of my childhood life I was deathly afraid I was going to hell. I saw God to be an angry Santa, all too eager to kick and cast you down below because you weren't living up to expectations. I didn't even know what those expectations were let alone what I was supposed to even be just doing. Other than being a "good" christian like those neighborhood friends. Anyways... My dad talked to me about the whole electricity part and while it made sense and I could understand the logic and reasoning, I hadn't completely surrendered, wasn't willing to give up control. I was too close minded. I wasn't even on Step One. Still berserk. I never got into a bathtub with a shotgun like Hughes' did but on my darkest day I was there emotionally just the same. But once I was "driven to AA" as the 12x12 puts it, the notion of a Higher Power came pretty much right away. I didn't care about We Agnostics' logic or science or explanations. I was at the point where if somebody told me to "stand on my head in the corner to stay sober" then okay. No more intellectual justifications as to why God exists. No more Wright brothers or electrical currents. I wanted to be sober because everything I was doing not only wasn't working, IT WAS HORRIBLE. And not only did I have the willingness to do anything to stay sober but after the meetings and the whatnots, when we'd pray as group I felt the power of God. I needed God and God was there. Even though I felt batshit crazy, I had touched that elusive notion of peace and confidence that everything was going to be okay. It was important for me to be with my kin for the God thing to work, too. I didn't feel bonds with those neighbor kids at church because we played on different levels, probably in different space-time dimensions. The people in the meetings though, they were my spiritual brothers and sisters. Anyways 2... to wrap this up my point is: my newly sober beliefs in God were all spiritual and not rational. Still are. My brain is good for math, not finding God. #alcoholism #advancedsoul #diariespodcast gogomom · Mar 7, 2017 at 3:43 pm This is the only part of the Big Book I hated. As an atheist it was most unhelpful. To summarize, it basically says that it’s OK I don’t believe in God, because at some point, I will. OK, never going to happen. I do have a higher power, but it isn’t a deity of any kind. This and the antiquated language is why people who are not in AA believe that it is a religious program. tcr! · Mar 7, 2017 at 3:46 pm Totally with ya… I’d take a hacksaw, some glue, and a magic marker to various parts of the Big Book if they’d let me. devokar · Mar 7, 2017 at 4:17 pm Belief in a higher power of your own choosing is what it states in the steps. Central to the big book and the AA program is the serenity prayer. gogomom · Mar 7, 2017 at 4:20 pm > Belief in a higher power of your own choosing is what it states in the steps. My higher power is my sponsor and the people in the rooms with more clean and sober time than I have. > Central to the big book and the AA program is the serenity prayer. I love the serenity prayer - I just leave out the “God” part at the beginning. I also don’t mind the Lords Prayer that closes most of the meetings I attend. I don’t say it, but I do participate in the hand holding and sense of togetherness it provides. Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Mar 8, 2019 · podcast: Mar 8, 2020 Whenever I’m in the kitchen cooking I always turn on the television. The TV gets a bad rap but there are good things on, it just depends on what we watch. Believe it or not television is filled with spiritual insights, spiritual motivators, spiritual empowerment. So then a couple nights ago I was watching a documentary on Martin Luther King Jr. The documentary was more about his assassin, the racial tension, and the like. The whole vibe of that era was unnerving my kitchen as I cooked up the French Toast. Sprinkled throughout, though, were snippets of speeches and conversations with MLK Jr. And for that I am grateful. It kept the world from going too dark. The night before he was killed, MLK Jr gave his famous rainy church speech in Memphis, Tennessee. I’m sure you’ve all heard it before. Death seem to be on his mind but he wasn’t afraid. Well I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn't matter with me now. Because I’ve been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody I’d like to live. A long life. Longevity has its place. But I’m not concerned about that now. I just want to do God’s will. And he’s allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I’ve looked over. And I’ve seen the promise land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the promise land. Just to put this out there before I say any more, I’m not trying to expand or clarify what MLK Jr said at the Mason Temple. I’m not in the same league by any means and will often want to rip the arms off gas pumps. These are just feelings and thoughts I had while listening during and not-thinking afterward. Once we’ve been to the mountaintop life will never look the same. It’ll never *be* the same. The promised land isn’t something in the hereafter, it’s looking out at the world from a different point of view. Right now. Wherever we are. A view that’s farther than we can see. Both light and dark. Both sunshine and rain, war and peace. There’s the fabled heaven and hell laid out before us if you ever wondered how that all worked. And that mountaintop view will change our mission in life. For some of us it will alter our course only slightly and for others it’ll be a profound re-dedication of one’s life work. We’ll want to do God’s will, whatever that means to us. And life will be okay no matter what. Even if we have to go to hell for a while. Not many people get to stay on the mountaintop either. We have to come down and tend to real life. But we have to hold onto that view as best we can, never let it fade from our hearts. Or not fade for long. If the view has slipped from our minds, we know the path to the promised land. #photos #advancedsoul #tv #diariespodcast Shawneemicks · Mar 8, 2019 at 6:50 pm Dude, you blow my mind sometimes. Total respect for Ya. tcr! · Mar 8, 2019 at 7:45 pm Thank you!! Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
Unrelenting Happiness

Unrelenting Happiness

2020-03-06--:--

content: Apr 15, 2012 · podcast: Mar 6, 2020 Feelings need not always be put into words. They can just be felt, like tigers or butterflies, snake bites or feline purrs. After they're done (and even if they're not), open your heart to the love, to the glow of the Universe. It's there waiting and it's yours. It's your right, your entitlement and a perquisite to unrelenting happiness. #lettherebehope #diariespodcast tcr! · Apr 15, 2012 at 11:01 am Drinking from that cup embraces us with a power that withers all evil spirits. Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Sep 20, 2018 · podcast: Mar 3, 2020 There’s been an infuse of stink bugs (BMSB). I see them at home. I see them in my truck. I see them at work. The dudes are everywhere. My cats won't even eat them. Seriously, this past summer I’ve become convinced they’re trying to take over the world. I’ve never had one actually let loose with the stink though. They seem to be docile little critters, just meandering about town in their brown armor. However, the US Department of Agriculture wants them out of the country for being an agriculture pest. I guess that’s what happens when you’re an invasive species. So last night I had this dream where I'm watching TV. Don’t ask me what or which station because it’s irrelevant. Then out of nowhere my program was interrupted with a special broadcast. A dreamy doomsday broadcast. Panic in the streets, cars turned over, red tickers scrolling berserk at the bottom of the screen as pedestrians ran for their very lives. Beloved readers, the first responders quickly determined the blame (lied, lie, laid) with the darn stink bugs! They’d collapsed a large portion of an apartment building in West Chicago after their hive nest ruptured the very foundation. The helicopter news footage of said apartments showed a scary scene similar to the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building aftermath in 1995. Luckily no West Chicago residents were injured. But get this: the real mastermind behind both the American Stink Bug Invasion (ASBI) and the consequential residential cave-in was the dude with the mannequins at the Wheaton All Night Flea Market! Zurko was breeding the bugs in the basement like Jame Gumb was with his moths in Silence of the Lambs. Do you see the parallels? I thought so. Please note: I have nothing against Zurko or his mannequins. THIS WAS JUST A DREAM. So then the news reporters were trying to get an interview with Zurko. Figure out what his motives were, etc., etc. But he refused to talk since he was dressed up in his mannequin gear. He couldn’t break character! And then the dream ended. How are you? #dreams #stinkbugs #mannequins #diariespodcast hodges · Sep 20, 2018 at 1:13 pm Funny. They don’t stink unless you squish them or mow your lawn 😣 tcr! · Sep 20, 2018 at 2:19 pm They should call them “will stink ya bugs” forni · Sep 20, 2018 at 1:13 pm I will say, I will take a stink bug invasion over this damn mosquito take over we have been experiencing. I love how descriptive your dream was 🤣 tcr! · Sep 20, 2018 at 2:21 pm Thanks! I try not to go outdoors much so I haven’t noticed the mosquitoes. However, I did notice that mosquitoes sounds and awful lot like mojitos. becklyn · Sep 20, 2018 at 1:13 pm Conventions are regularly held at my house. It’s a game here…. prizes to those who suck the most. tcr! · Sep 20, 2018 at 2:20 pm At first I thought you’d prepared a rocket to take them into outerspace! 🚀 undrtow · Sep 20, 2018 at 1:13 pm 1. They stunk if you squish them 2. There will be a stink bug vs mosquito war before 2020 tcr! · Sep 20, 2018 at 6:41 pm My bets are on the stink bugs winning the war. Ross Bottino · Sep 21, 2018 at 9:32 pm My daughter and I name them. We have conversations with them. Track their whereabouts in the room. Wonder about their activities throughout the day. They become like family. We introduce them the visitors. Oh, that’s Fred and Barney… JoeBob is over there. It’s really quite entertaining. I mean it’s not like they have any intention of leaving. I can pick them up and put them outside but I’m pretty sure they just come right back in. I actually considered marking them at one point to prove it’s the just agreed again, but I was afraid nail polish would kill them. And that’s how we manage our stick bug situation over here. tcr! · Sep 22, 2018 at 3:03 pm OMG that’s hilarious. However, based on the sheer volume of Freds wandering around, I say go for it and him with polish. If he dies, Fred2 will be along shortly. Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: May 12, 2019 · podcast: Feb 29, 2020 These pillows and their corresponding cases and this sheet for fitting have all been resting comfortably on my bed in a laundry cocoon for the better part of the day. Whenever I walk into the bedroom my heart plummets. And then I walk right back out of the bedroom. Because I never know which corner to start with the fitted sheet. And it really doesn’t matter anyway. Whichever corner I choose is wrong. Then I spend the next half day twisting round and round what feels like a linen Rubik's cube. But there are no colored squares to guide you. No YouTube master patterns to follow. I don’t even bother with the top sheet anymore either. That’d be one more key tumbler for me to fumble with in a lock of woven madness. All the while both cats are sitting in feline bemusement, or quite possibly in feline judgment. They have no thumbs to help, only fur to shed on a clothesline fresh comforter. And then the pillow stuffing. I feel like Real Trump must have when he had to stuff all those jumbo, pinto quesadillos into that supersize Taco Bell sack on Cinco de Mayo of 2018. Don’t get me wrong. I love my pillow forts as much as Abed and Troy but when will this laundress lunacy ever end? And there’s two more pillows off camera. Because five pillows is the minimum requirement for entry. So I guess this is what’s really been happening in my Geneva house, this Sunday, this Twelfth of May. How are you guys? #photos #thestruggleisreal #pillows #diariespodcast frantz · May 12, 2019 at 6:59 pm I have learned that bed linen laundry day is nothing short of a full cardio workout…for I am the lover of the duvet… It’s a wonderful concept that is deceiving…a simplistic idea that is nothing short of madness. The stuffing of SIX decorative pillow shams…pure torture. tcr! · May 12, 2019 at 7:55 pm Decorative pillow shams! The horror! asquared01 · May 12, 2019 at 7:24 pm I feel you on the fitted sheet. I always get it wrong too. 😂 bsd schwarz · May 12, 2019 at 7:32 pm I hate making my bed but it is always worth it at the end of the day. Nevertheless…… bsd schwarz · May 12, 2019 at 7:35 pm Also-I pulled a crap load of dandelions yesterday. That was what was happening in my neck of the woods. bsd schwarz · May 12, 2019 at 7:36 pm I like the color on your wall. tcr! · May 12, 2019 at 7:53 pm Thank you! It’s my favorite bedroom color thus far A1 Hansen · May 12, 2019 at 8:09 pm While you have the fitted sheet on the bed correctly, take a vibrant thread and needle. And stitch a little something on the corner or the elastic area. Pick one corner and do it to all the fitted sheets. Maybe pick a corner you will remember? It helps the sheets get done much faster, because I too have the same issue! Same with the USB things! I always pick the wrong end first Patti66 · May 12, 2019 at 8:27 pm I’m for quick- I use a permanent marker and put a “T” in the two top corners when the new sheets are on the bed. Momma J · May 12, 2019 at 11:34 pm Good idea! I get so frustrated! Mick MLG · May 12, 2019 at 8:55 pm This is why I moved ….. tcr! · May 13, 2019 at 9:27 am You got tired of making ya bed? I feel ya.. 😞 Borders on C · May 12, 2019 at 10:10 pm Pretty photo though. =) tcr! · May 13, 2019 at 9:26 am Thank you! Arranging pillows for a photoshoot is far more appealing that reverse engineering the Houdini escape straitjacket pillow case riddle. Loizzo · May 12, 2019 at 10:44 pm If it helps, locate the tag on the fitted sheet (assuming there is one). Once you find out which orientation is correct, burn into your memory where the corner with the tag is, then always start with that corner. tcr! · May 13, 2019 at 9:23 am I had never thought of marking the corner(s) of the fitted sheet but it is a brilliant plan! I’m envisioning a pirate map of sorts with dashes leading to a treasure chest X. Ye map noting where there be sharks, and where there be safe havens, and where there be death. And of where be ye fastest route to sailing the seas of fitted comfort. I’ve attached a quick mockup that’s neither my bed nor my map, but you’ll get the idea. I’m a man not a cartographer. Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Aug 18, 2016 · podcast: Feb 26, 2020 When I stop and think about it, I wanna justify and provide backstories because I feel bad. I worry that people will think less of me. But then on the other hand I’m totally up front and honest with everybody all the time. I think that life is meant to be cherished and explored and lived and this and this and this. I think about my heroes like Hunter S. Thompson who actually lived and loved his life. I don’t wanna be old and thinking I really wish I would’ve done that. It sounds corny but my soul cries out for adventure and when I sit at my work desk and push papers around I just wanna roll my eyes. I suppose I could find different avenues for my adventures though. 😉 I’m grateful that I have Maggie because she keeps me grounded. Who knows what melancholy I’d be having for breakfast without her. I just need to get my head on straight. All this turmoil over the last year or so, I’ve just wanted to escape the emotional horror. This type of activity that I'm vaguely referencing has played a role in my story since I was like 19. It’s pretty much my goto dysfunctional thing other than drinking and drugs. Boring is good though. I should cherish low key and zero drama when I have it. I just wish it was as magnetic as the other. #thestruggleisreal #diariespodcast jimi hindrance experience · Aug 18, 2016 at 11:24 am Cherish Loki was a friend of mine too. After we drifted apart (of the eternal one) I found myself with a realstruggle. C’est la vie. tcr! · Aug 19, 2016 at 8:39 am Yep. Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Aug 21, 2016 · podcast: Feb 23, 2020 I've never been in a hog processing plant. When I lived in Iowa I knew people who had though. Knew people who worked the second and third shifts. Knew people who worked on the kill floor. Work comes up in conversation as it does now and then and every once in a while I'd hear stories. If a story provokes me hard enough I'll form a complicated, detailed mental playhouse of it. And it'll stick like glue, turn into an everlasting memory that my imagination makes all too real. It'll become part of my story. Follow me around like gum on my shoe. For life. I often accidentally think of the hogs in whatever warehouse room they're herded into before they actually got to the kill floor. Again, I've never been in such a place but I get sucked into the dirty, gritty gum when the hogs beckon. ... It's dark and hard to see in the pre-kill chamber. Because the corporate doesn't want you to. The workers shouldn't see the hogs nor should the hogs see each other. Seeing the animal eyeballs of panic would only amplify the room's sweaty electricity. The floor is concrete, permanent and unnatural. There's no give to it. The workers stand behind railings up above. They wear Leatherface aprons, backward capes. They're the unintentional supervillains, paid by the hour.[1] I'm down with the hogs, moving as part of the chaotic herd. I'm not one of them because I always play the outsider but I am one with their stress. Hurried hog silhouettes herding in panic. Unknowingly moving, running. The wrong way. Pivoting their front ends left and right because they don't have necks. Looking for an out but only bouncing off one another and continuing their momentum forward. The room's energy is filled with heated power. I don't know how big it is. It's like being in a nightclub and it's so dark that you become disoriented and lost. I see flashes of chemically stretched animal flesh as the swine prison spotlights make their way to and from. Sometimes the lights are only a few hanging flood lamps, swaying with a gentle horror. The pigs wear collars similar to those Rutger Hauer wore in Wedlock. I don't know why they need them. If I were a better artist I'd draw what I imagine as a comic book cover. It's never quiet either. The hog hoofs march the concrete in nonuniform muffled clapping. There's a constant frenzy of short lived screams. Not death screams but outbursts of piggy alarm. Cry outs. High-pitched shrills of Mel Gibson's Freedom. The hogs are my lambs...but they were never real for me. After I typed that last sentence I paused. I realized Clarice isn't real either. But not to me. Movies and characters and plots can (and often do) take non-fictional places in my head. They become history. ... In my darkest, blackest, most panicked times my fright is televised internally. As those pigs. In that room. My horror is nowhere near the magnitude as the hogs' and being funneled into whatever electric chamber but...when dread overtakes me and I can't think clearly...I generally see, hear, feel this warehouse space played on some twisted massacre loop. ... Not long after Kathy and I divorced, I had an outburst outpouring captured in the song below. The music is much more audibly harsh than the scene I describe above, what I actually hear, but I had a recent breakup swirling and all. It was an attempt though to translate how the hogs manifest when I'm alone. grahm sexton - tap dance - MP3... Hmm. I didn't intend to go this far down the rabbit hole. I've never told anyone of the hogs before. They've been with me since the first time I saw Carrie and a sadistic John Travolta. The playhouse solidified when I lived up the street from a processing plant. Anyway. A couple of years ago when anti-socializing with the terrorized hogs in the slaughterhouse asylum, I told Jimi of whatever inescapable distress I was in the midst of. That I wasn't taking my spiritual antibiotics, that I was just freaking out with the other hogs. I felt as if life had been hitting me with a shock rod over and over again. I hadn't prayed for a couple of days. Or sought spiritual guidance. All was lost. Jimi said to me, "Well, ya better start praying again." Oh. The most divine answers are the most simplistic. I lose sight of that easily. I talked about this not long ago in a meeting but want to reiterate its value to me. The value is the main reason I started writing this blurb that put my hysterical hog factory on public display. In the department store window. Just because I haven't prayed for a couple of days doesn't mean that I can't start praying again. Like right now. Often times when I don't do things that I should, my mind goes to this place where I can never do them again. I haven't called a friend in awhile so I can never again pick up the phone sorta thing. And the longer the time since the last, the more I feel like I can't. I have to give up entirely. Too much time has passed and I've lost my chance, the window closed. The department store turned off its lights. I don't know why this is. But I can. I can pick up the phone. I can reach out. I can go to a meeting. I can pray. I can pick up where I left off. It's not too late. It never is. I don't have to quit completely. The only one who says I can't is me. Stop thinking, stop fretting. If I start thinking my wheels start moving. And then they start spinning. And then I never go anywhere. Stop road-blocking, cock-blocking yourself. That was vulgar I know but whatever. My point is we can (and should regularly) give ourselves permission to do the things that -- for whatever reason -- we tell ourselves we can't. Take the piggy out. Embrace knowing that there are no warehouses. There's only freedom from our own limitations. #confessional #lettherebehope #diariespodcast I have no judgment on the workers. America's gotta eat. ↑ jimi hindrance experience · Aug 23, 2016 at 1:36 am i don’t always know how to say that i appreciate these musing. much. tcr! · Aug 25, 2016 at 8:03 am Thanks :) Momma J · Feb 23, 2020 at 1:43 pm tcr! · Feb 23, 2020 at 3:26 pm 💥🎸 tism · Feb 23, 2020 at 3:41 pm I ❤️ this many many times. tcr! · Feb 23, 2020 at 5:29 pm Thank you, thank you jimi hindrance experience · Feb 23, 2020 at 7:36 pm You’ve been reading my mail… tcr! · Feb 23, 2020 at 8:39 pm We have similar mailboxes 😉 Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Oct 24, 2018 · podcast: Feb 19, 2020 Something like this is what I’m referring to: you’re pulled over along the side of the street at a mailbox, depositing your envelopes on a Wednesday morning. It’s not Christmas card season but you still got bills to pay or ballots to send. You’re lost in your own world of stamps and bubble wrapped packages. Maybe the taste of envelope glue is still fresh in your mouth. Maybe not. Regardless, then you pull out into traffic without signaling, without yielding, without common sense. Then you cut across two lanes without haste and turn right. All of that. That’s being a moron. It’s more than wearing blinders and seeing only your direct path. It’s putting a bag over your whole head and wandering around life clueless. Bumping into people and obstacles like you're at Funway on Saturday night. Look, other people will be annoyed when you’re acting like a moron. Expect that. Underline it in your head. You may even get the truck horn. My point is, we’re all gonna act like morons. It’s what we do. I won’t hold it against you. But when you see yourself, feel yourself acting like a moron, stop. Don’t maintain. Don’t forge or plow ahead. Pull up life’s emergency brake, take the bag off, and wave meekly yet happily in complete, acknowledged defeat. Hang your head if you must. Because people just want to know that you know that you were indeed being a moron. The key is to stop though. Just stop. 👍 #protip #diariespodcast gentile · Oct 25, 2018 at 12:35 pm #cantfixstupid Not even with duct tape :( Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
content: Feb 25, 2017 · podcast: Feb 16, 2020 Just even admitting that I don’t know the whole story gives me a certain sense of relief. Mainly because history repeatedly shows that I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. Staying away from conclusions and acting on delusions, just venting and hitting the cosmic pause, well that “whole story” is almost kinda irrelevant. And the interesting thing for me is that I can only get to the “it’s irrelevant” point after I feel those moments of silly hostility, where “I am right” even though I don’t have the full set of facts. I suppose, though, a small amount of fulfillment does come with being right but I need to remember that if I’m right that generally means that somebody else is wrong. Having winners and losers in life, meh. I’d rather just feel my stuff and move along. #protip #advancedsoul #diariespodcast Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the podcast survey! Please. 😊 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 💖 tcrbang.com · Instagram · Facebook · YouTube   View original  
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