The Snafu Revue

In the 1980's James Cameron made a rather successful movie about a killer robot that came back in time in order to assassinate the leader of the human resistance before he was even born.The whole thing made no sense since it set up an obvious paradox but we didn't mind at the time because the whole thing was lovingly crafted and we did not yet realise that Sky-net was going to repeat the same plan over and over in a desperate attempt to keep a franchise based on a wafer-thin premise alive so far beyond it's natural lifespan that even Emperor Palpatinate would blush. Which is all well and good for fans of the Terminator but what about Hands of Steel I hear you ask?Well, It's just a shit knock off. I mean, just look at it. 

The once mighty franchise  ends on a not so low that only dogs and Star Wars fans can hear it. 

When Arthur Conan Doyle first penned the Lost World in 1912 he envisioned a land that time had forgotten filled with wondrous beasts of mythology where danger lurked around every corner. What he could not have predicted was the one day Asylum would adapt his novel into a feature length film featuring a 200 foot monkey with only three frames of animation. 

If ever you needed proof  that tentacle horror can provide well over an hour of entertainment then look no further than 1983's the Being. Alternatively,just ask your mum. 

In the 26 years since Body Melt was made the Australian Film industry has produced seven new feature-length films assuming you include the digital remasters of the first two Mad Max films. Every single one of them was better than this one. With an emphasis on gore, exploding genitals, and sentient placenta, the film lurches from unwatchable to unviewable without ever fully comprehending the difference between those two states of being. So we mosy talk about Kangaroos and sopa operas instead. 

A heady mix of late 80's gym culture and pre-internet computer-anxiety, Death Spa warns it's viewers that they will 'Sweat blood.' What they didn't mention is that we would also shit tears, fall asleep and become wildly incoherent in a special 3 am episode of the Snafu Revue that the Fat Film Fan described as 'broadly misjudged.' The film was bothersome enough that we took some time out to email the director and call him a bastard halfway through the recording, which, according to our friends at Guinness,  is 'Only a world Record if we say it is.'  

Shackled by the limitations of Super VGA grade CGI and monster movie destruction scenes significantly less impressive than films 30 years its senior Kraa fails on almost every level. But it's true moment of genius reveals itself 107 minutes into the movie when against all reasonable expectations it abruptly, mercifully, finishes three minutes short of the advertised run time. 

A film that combines low budget exploitation with unpalatable nudity, clumsy exposition and dialogue so loose that you'll think it was fucked into existence. 

We managed to watch just 29 minutes of this abomination before the Fat Film Fan threatened to stage a dirty process. Who would have though that such a lame movie based on an even lamer TV show would fail so miserably?Oh that's right, everyone, everyone knew that.

 What at first glance appears to be a typical slasher movie in fact turns out to be a typical slasher movie that operates exclusively in the vertical axis. Be afraid. Or just take the stairs., It's up to you really.

" If the makers of these film had a shred of  human decency, they would have kept this film under an hour and ten minutes". GrownmanGrumbles 2018

If there really was such a thing as a Justice League, they'd have hunted down the makers of this movie and punished them in a cruel and unusual way. 

In this episode, we review a film that was so difficult to find that we had to watch an old U.S import copy on VHS. Until recently, this film did not even have an Imbd page let alone a Wikipedia entry. We had to write that one ourselves. A made for tv movie dubbed for American audiences so that the characters sounded less northern then they really are this film broke new ground upon its release. Unfortunately, that new ground turned out to be a stinking bog chock full of used johnnies and bits of sick.

Despite sporting a cover that suggests some kind of special effect-laden giant-ratstravaganza this 1988 Italian exploitation film revolves instead around a primordial dwarf who is only 0.76 R2D2's in size. In an attempt to distract ourselves from having to re-live the tedium of the film we just watched, the Fat Film reveals a childhood trauma involving a bag filled with water and Grown Man Grumbles is forced to retract potentially slanderous comments about Tom Selleck.,

In this snafette revue, we record our reactions to having watched DC's two minute and 53-second long trailer and come to the conclusion that it was the 'Worst five minutes of our entire lives'.

In 1973 a small London based studio set out to make the greatest film about an old English sheepdog gone massive after being pumped full of rat hormones that the world had ever seen. They failed.

In this episode, we take a look at a film based on the works of British horror writer Guy N Smith a man famous for writing wafer thin trash horror at a rate his publisher once described as 'adequate'.

In this episode, we review part three of a trilogy with cover art that promises an appearance by RoboCop but gets around having to pay licensing fees by not featuring him in any way shape or form.

In this episode, we review a 1977 King Kong rip off that is so painfully executed that we wished someone had come along and painfully executed us. Also Featuring Geordie Bore. Music by @grownmangrumble

In this episode, we review a film about Apes that looks like it was filmed by monkeys.