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Don't Tell Our Wives: Warm Beer, Cheap Comedy, and News
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Don't Tell Our Wives: Warm Beer, Cheap Comedy, and News

Author: Don't Tell Our Wives - Warm Beer & Cheap Comedy

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What happens when you put comedians in front of microphones around a pool table? While we do end up playing with the balls and cue sticks, we search the deepest parts of every place (mainly the Internet, and ourselves) for funny news stories, pop culture, relationship problems (who doesn't have those), the strangest/weirdest questions people ask on the Internet. Mix middle school humor with current events and you pretty much have us. Just don't tell our wives what we talk about down here.
86 Episodes
Gordy is out this week, and the word on the street is that he was arrested in Sweden for impersonating Burt Reynolds.We quickly get into the news, where a bunch of men, ALL named Josh, were to fight to declare the ultimate josh. So don't mess with any Joshes in Omaha Nebraska. What started with a battle of rock, paper, scissors....ended with pool noodle battles. The winner was given a Burger King crown to celebrate being the victor of Joshes.Honch didn't want to talk about COVID-19, so he wanted to ask a question about inserting things in butts. The president of the Philippines is requiring the vaccine, or they will give it to you right in the dual-cheeks, after being arrested of course.A YouTuber thought she had witnessed a 'real person' floating dead in the water, and she called the cops only to find out that it was a blow-up. There was an entire team of rescue divers on scene to help with the drowning 'person', but it was a doll. Listen and Subscribe On:Apple PodcastAmazon MusicSpotifyGoogle PlayiHeartRadioPocket CastStitcherCastroCastboxRSS Feed
This week, Gordy is out in Mexico selling roses in parking lot and making his way back to Michigan. So the D's wife has joined the team this week, alongside Bubba and the Honch. The D prompty starts this week's schedule with a wively insult since Vee doesn't have a news topic for this week. After that, we jump right in to couples counseling. What is the wost thing that you've ever done when something wasn't quite right at a restaurant? Bubba passively aggressively sent back his Prime Rib dinner because it was 'too raw', and Honch worked at Subway (if you didn't already know this), but he did send back a burger because it was overcooked, and still gave them a good tip.The Bubba left a 1 cent tip at Old Chicago when our 'group' was ignored at the bar; the same place where we saw a very small kid (like 2 years of age) playing with knives. That said, our talk of restaurants led to Honch talking about a 'poop dollar', where you leave a dollar on a curb, as well as the infamous pretzels from Mall Rats. Once we finally get to the news (apologies for the screaming child. Since the Vee joined the show, it apparently angered the D's 2 year old son). a man in Iowa, was angry about his chicken nugget order at his local McDonald's, so he called in a bomb threat. The man was arrested on felony charges and probably didn't get his sauce packets, but likely got at least any one phone call. But people tend to call in bomb threats when they don't want any sort of event to take getting rid of a body. How did we go from chicken nuggets to death?Do you use handcuffs? The D asked the Vee if she wants to be handcuffed like a Ukranian couple, who handcuffed themselves together to help improve the relationship, until they got married...which was for 123 days of being handcuffed together, and they didn't get married. Once the couple removed the cuffs, they promptly ended the relationship. Of course, the conversation quickly jumps into couples that poop together in the same room. The D and Vee do it, but apparently this isn't a normal thing. The Honch something to say you to. But before he says it, he wants to pay hommage to Jay Mewes....DO YOUR JOB!A 62 year old man in Wyoming called the cops after he was curious why he wasn't arrested. He was using meth and was expecting to do his job...but Honch just really likes telling stories where idiot criminals call the cops him themselves. This then goes into one of Honch's high school stories.  Listen and Subscribe On:Apple PodcastAmazon MusicSpotifyGoogle PlayiHeartRadioPocket CastStitcherCastroCastbox:RSS Feed
We start off slooooooow, and just a few minutes in, Honch insults himself about talking about COVID, and then decided to poke fun at 50 state laws, but specifically the stupid ones. Did you know it is illegal to drive blindfolded in Alabama? YOu would that that this is common sense, but maybe it isn't.In Arizona it is illegal for a donkey to sleep in a bath tub. Did you know that in Arkansas you cannot honk your horn outside of a sandwich shop after 9 pm, and there are laws regarding pickles. That means no late nigh visits to your local Subway. There is a kids show...that features a man with a large penis. This is real. We're really not sure what to say here, especially when we discuss a robbery immediately after. Listen and Subscribe On:Apple PodcastAmazon MusicSpotifyGoogle PlayiHeartRadioPocket CastStitcherCastroCastbox:RSS Feed
Gordy is out this week, so it's just the 'el trio'. The week starts off with D's story of getting a phone call from Hailey from Mountain Strong Hemp Company who hooked us up with some tasty hemp products. They cell Delta-8 THC products, including shatter, gummies, and everything else that is great.Now onto the real news, Honch gets to the point: What is the weirdest thing that you pulled out of your anus? The 11 weirdest things ever pulled from an anus. It started with a story of a student who got a vibrator stuck in your butt, and her boyfriend was unable to get it out. He attempted removal using BBQ tongs. After using it as a sex tool, it ended up in a visit to the doctor where they had to remove it. That wasn't the most extreme though.The second thing that Honch decides to bring up, is a glass bottle being stuck in. Should we keep going? The Honch does...and apparently, he doesn't have a safe word.A California man, was poking around a farmland (vineyard), where he found a large fan. The man climbed into it, and got stuck. Police show up, the question him, and he stated that he was taking photographs, but as it turns out, he had a lot of meth on him. Not so much on the photos.Listen and Subscribe On:Apple PodcastAmazon MusicSpotifyGoogle PlayiHeartRadioPocket CastStitcherCastroCastbox:RSS Feed
It didn't take long after introductions for Honch to say that he wanted Nicolas Cage inside of him. D follows up with a bad impersonation of Alf.Eventually we make our way into the real news.Down south, where there was a gas shortage, a woman in South Carolina attempted to run from Police, and ended up crashing the vehicle with 'multiple explosions' taking place. As it turns out the woman had loaded up the vehicle with gas from a gas station. She was engulfed in flames...and the police offer forced her to 'stop, drop, and roll'. The lesson? Don't hoard fuel people!! Eleanor didn't fall too far from the tree, where she actually covered herself in gasoline. She was pumping and gas went everywhere, including her hair. It reminds us of the post cow tipping scene in Tommy Boy with the forever remembered Chris Farley.A mother has started a GoFundMe after her son ordered thousands of dollars in popsicles in Amazon, which resulted in over 900 Sponge Bob frozen popsicles, and she is unable to return them. Never leave your kids alone people!!!Bubba loves to leave us with his daily dad jokes!Eleanor took us on a story adventure about her visit to the ChiropractorListen and Subscribe On:Apple PodcastAmazon MusicSpotifyGoogle PlayiHeartRadioPocket CastStitcherCastroCastbox:RSS Feed
It has been awhile everyone, and as you can imagine, there's a lot that has happened. But..we simply pick up where we think we left off. D, Honch, Bubba, and V. It starts off with D obsessing over a pizza shop that Honch's dad once owned, and in a brief visit, Honch's dad gives D an entire stick of pepperoni. It is all about the grease cups.The Honch loves Rude Jude, and while he started with out a story about a Nigerian woman who is divorcing his wife because his penis was too big, to talking about Jenny Jones and Steve.In other news, the D is jealous that a Texas "teacher of the year" recipient stepped down because she gave a student oral sex. It leaves Honch asking why his teacher growing up, didn't offer the same services. She was arrested...of course, and it was all linked back to text messages.Bubba brings to the table, a story of a man who was scamming over 35 woman as girlfriends. All of them bought him gifts for his birthday. How would you manage that many girlfrields. Would it be an app? Maybe he manages them from his customer list, which is comprised of people he sold shower heads to.Listen and Subscribe On:Apple Podcast,  Amazon Music, Spotify,  Google Play,  iHeartRadio,  Pocket Cast, Stitcher, Castro,  Castbox, RSS Feed
This week in every parent's nightmare, Baby Shark is now the #1 video on the Internet. You would be hellbent to get of off of your mind, but at least there is something else except for it's a catch 22.The mirth mobile (AMC pacer) from Wayne's World was for sale. The car featured a light blue paint job, with the best feature in any vehicle ever: a licorice dispenser. Bubba then took us on a trip on the best headlines in the news, including a woman divorcing her husband over a sex toy incident.A Florida woman farted loudly in a dollar store, which resulted in an assault with knife...but no intent to kill because it wasn't a silent but deadly. Also, a safety meeting ends in an accident without a pizza party.Listen and Subscribe On:Apple Podcast: Music: Play: Cast: Feed:
Gordy was out this week, so D's wife joined in for a little fun. Bubba quickly jumps us off with "Today in Stupid". Bubba makes his own cinnamon soaked tooth picks by using cinnamon essential oils. In doing so, he forgot to wash his hands before using the bathroom...and let the burning commence. Now it burns when bubba pees and it is isn't an STD. He was flailing and full windmill style trying to cool off.Honch then takes us on his 'burning' story, bringing back his days of high school football locker rooms. One of the team members took Icy Hot and run it one of the guys' jockstraps, and as it turns out, it got really hot, and adding a little water made it quite worse...but Gold Bond does work to keep you cool when mowing the lawn. That's a dad tip just for you.In the Czech Republic there is currently a curfew due to COVID-19. A man was recently arrested because he was walking his dog. Walking your dog was an exception to be outside after curfew. However, the dog that he was walking was a stuffed animal and not an actual dog.There was a man who was caught by police masturbating at a Walmart in Kansas. However, this isn't a routine thing...well, it is...but he has been caught several times.  We then wrap up with a discussion around whether or not lingerie belongs in sexual activities or not. Listen and Subscribe On:Apple Podcast: Music: Play: Cast: Feed:
After introductions, we quickly go down the adventure of high school laxatives, Honch talking about really large poops (there is some sort of theme here the last few weeks.) and the deliciousness that is Wendy's Chili. Also, apparently Gordy tried to eat Tequila nachos, and it didn't quite taste as good as he expected. We called the episode with the fact that if you're having bacon cravings during COVID-19, you can now get a mask that smells like bacon.Listen and Subscribe On:Apple Podcast: Music: Play: Cast: Feed:
Before we recorded this week's episode, Honch made everyone Chicken Schwarma and Gordy accidentally clogged the D's toilet with his meat poops.And the kicker is that we forced him to talk about it after D's wife texted him to come up stairs and help out by finding a plunger. A woman whose name is Amethyst fell in love with a ghost named Ray. Apparently they joined the mile high club on one of her flights. Well, things started going poorly and the woman believed that the ghost was distanced, and perhaps cheating on her. She called the wedding off. Gordy then takes the topic down into a completely different direction. Listen and Subscribe On:Apple Podcast: Music: Play: Cast: Feed:
In this episode, we start off our introductions as we always do, but this time, Honch threatened to take his shirt off with his Danny Devito grin. We always introduce Gordy as a character from a movie - Howard The Duck in this case. Once we finally go to the news, Bubba took us down the rabbit hole on Subway in Ireland. In the country, the ratio of flour to sugar is apparently...important. The issue went all the way to the courts, where the bread at Subway is not legally bread. There are taxes that you would pay when you enter a certain category of food, and Subway has argued they don't belong. This quickly turned to the quest for cheap burgers...and then back to the 'tax refunds' for Subway. The lawsuit is apparently stressful for Bubba, because it is giving him a migraine headache. Maybe he's a little too carb loaded. When Honch worked at Subway, he had the nickname 'roast beast', and used to profile what sandwich someone would order based on who walked in the door. He then proceeded to give us the 'recipe' of the worst sandwich to order. Speaking of ordering, we learned that Gordy accidentally got 'free' coffee from one of the local chains, because he honestly thought it was free.After discussing about all sorts of things, Honch wanted to give us all tips on dating rules around his daughter, including the only complement that he has ever said regarding his wife. He then gave us the rules for dating his daughter. Rule 1, his daughter is not an ATM, and isn't getting any money for the first date. Rule 2 - no sagging jeans allowed. Honch will provide help getting this back up. And....probably the most important. Sexting = death.An Instagram model from Australia that dresses as cat thief. She was doing masked robberies, all while having a history of being a real estate agent. Over 2 years, she committed several crimes, which started out with the help of teenage kids to do the work, but she eventually got into the action. Her convictions included wielding a knife at a Target store. To end it all, the night before recording this episode, Gordy was laying in bed with his wife. He was looking at pictures of hot dogs, when he got into an argument if it was a sandwich, and is chili soup?Listen and Subscribe On:Apple Podcast: Music: Play: Cast: Feed:
We kick off this episode with a question for the audience. WHICH ONE OF US SOUNDS LIKE HOWARD STERN? Honch takes us on a lesson on 'what makes a man'. Apparently, no man buns, no skinny jeans, and no makeup are allowed to qualify. As for attitudes, any guy who is afraid to make a decision is not a man - or if all he does is make excuses. Gordy takes us down the story of 'James'. James goes into the military, and is having relationship trouble. It started off light with a few escorts, gets injured, and then tries to transition back to his normal routine. After returning home, James seeks out his local friendly neighborhood hooker. He picks up a cougar on a dating website, and there are no photos. He finds a woman and it ends up being HIS BEST FRIEND'S MOM. Bubba becomes an instant expert on his story coming out of the United Kingdom. At a local zoo, 5 African Gray parrots were put into isolation after they taught eachother how to swear at patrons in the zoo. They are going to replace the toilet on the International Space Station...tune in so you can find out how much we paid for it. And by the way, it wasn't howard from Big Bang Theory putting it in. Listen and Subscribe On:Apple Podcast: Music: Play: Cast: Feed:
Honch kicks us off with stories about him getting on planes again. When Honch went through security, he made observations of other individuals  and their crazy masks. Basically, Honch walks into a bathroom at 4:30 am in the morning, and it was a complete nightmare. After boarding, the man sitting next to him ate all his snacks and left him at the gate.Gordy discusses a man in Lincoln, Nebraska that went up in front a bunch of a city council a true American hero, a true patriot if you will. He does not like the term boneless chicken wing. If you haven't seen the speech, you should check it out on YouTube or in your Facebook video feed! In the speech, her proposed removing boneless chicken wings from all menus, or renaming them.Bubba then takes us on the 'pun intended' news headline adventure, calling out news titles across the globe. We end the night with a man who ran around his house to get a fly, but ended up causing an explosion. Listen and Subscribe On:Apple Podcast: Play: Cast: Feed:
Before each recording session, the team just sits around and talks. While discussing, D told us about the days of being in a band, eating breakfast before a show, which turns into a mess. Additionally, they discussed run-ins with an anarchist group who raised chickens and owned their own music venue.Listen and Subscribe On:Apple Podcast: Play: Cast: Feed:
We started this episode off as a complete train wreck. We were dertailed by the fact that Honch was wearing a holster that contained Texas Pete hot sauce. Yes, you heard that right. He litereally carries around a holster full of hot sauce. And by the way, this is our 69th episode.Gordy starts us off with a 'birthday'. It is grandma's birthday, and the granddaughter of said grandma was feeling a bit riskay, looking for some solo-loving. She proceeds to purchase a vibrator/dildo, but she found out that it shipped to her grandmother's house and then handed off to her father. Since she didn't receive her package, Amazon proceeded to send another one to grandma. After facing the music during Christmas, her father proceeds to inform her to stop sending grandma sex toys.Have you ever seen Iron Man in person? Not Robert Downey Jr. at the movie theater, but an actual Iron Man. At an airport, a man was spotted by multiple pilots, floating with a jetpack at approximately 3,000 ft. The FAA is currently investegating the near miss, as it could have caused dangerous scenario, but how do you get a jet pack?? Honch follows it up with his experience with a pilot talk. One that included several ways one could die. What is your porn name? Not just the 'street name' and the basic porn name generator, but what would your porn name be?Listen and Subscribe On:Apple Podcast: Play: Cast: Feed:
Honch is running for President. Not really, Honch has uncovered a news story about his future state. An old man has duped many women by posing online as both a young looking man and that man's father. He would post online to unsuspecting females, and then bait-and-switch them out to have sex with his older father, who faked that the man required sex to live.Bubba closes out his 3 week segment of "1958 Dating Tips".A nude man in Germany was hanging out at the beach, when he was approached by a wild boar. He was able to scare him off, and it is not the first time it has happened to the man and his friends.In Japan, they have done something making it easier to see if a toilet has been used before you use it in Japan. That's right, the country has been unveiling toilets, where they are clear until someone sits on them. That means that you can see everything!Listen and Subscribe On:Apple Podcast: Play: Cast: Feed:
In this week in Stupid, the Honch kicks us off quickly with a story about a man who went to a store, stole from it several times during the day, and then came back and ended up getting a job application after getting several 'free' pairs of sunglasses.Bubba let's us know that if we're looking for a man, then we should order our steaks rare? These are some really bad dating tips from the 1958. Gordy discusses an Amazon delivery driver that while leaving a package at a woman's home, a man ran from his van to her garden. While he wasn't stealing fire wood as suspected, the man was actually taking a dump on her property. Where do you go in-case of an emergency?Have you ever had to put out a fire? What would you typically use? Well, a California man when dealing with the recent California fires, had to resort to something very unusual to put out his fire. Beer. Yes, that's right, BEER. After having exhausted other resources, the man used quite a few cans of Bud Light to put out a fire to protect his shop, and it actually worked!Listen and Subscribe On:Apple Podcast: Play: Cast: Feed:
Every week, we introduce Gordy as a celebrity that he is not, and this week is he Balki from the classic TV show Perfect Strangers. Sorry for Honch's crunching on his 'Speedway" Baby Back Rib ruffled chips (not a paid placement). Now on to the news, a restaurant in China has asked patrons to weigh themselves when they come in. When you enter the restaurant you do a weigh in, and based on your numbers you are suggested items to eat during your time there. Apparently this comes from the country's initiatives around food waste, but definitely fat shaming - which turns into a discussion around a group of guys on YouTube that do the 'all you can eat buffet' challenge - which you still pay top price in Las Vegas.A man in Cleveland, Ohio when to a bank to rob it, and on his way there, grabbed something to write his note on. As it turns out, that note was written on DMV paperwork. The police showed up hours later...and it is all over. Then things go well...wrong-ish.The 1950's have yielded some really weird things, especially dating tips for a woman to find a man. Bubba takes us down memory lane, divulging some of the worst dating tips we have ever heard, like tripping in public, getting lost at a football game, and widowers. We end the episode with Gordy encountering a giant man on his mission to sell a used TV on Craigslist. Listen and Subscribe On:Apple Podcast: Play: Cast: Feed:
Gordy is out again this week, locked in a theater watching Pet Cemetary (just kidding). On this week's episode, we discuss a man named Malcolm McDonald, whom had a condition (which is really bad and sad). But what we're really struggling with is the fact that Doctors are having him grow his penis replacement on his arm. Aren't there other places to grow a new one?Have you ever had something in your hand and set it down, and then wonder where you put it? In Walla Walla, Washington a state library was doing some cleaning during this whole COVID/Corona Virus thing, the library was removing shelving and items from the mystery section, where the found some beer and gum that was there for more than 30 years, which it was a 5 pack of Hamm's beer and Godzilla gum (looks like Big League Chew). Would you eat or drink it?Are you up for a 18 Karat gold mask? If so, it'll cost you $1.5 million USD dollars....from an Israeli jeweler. The white gold mask will also include 3,600 white and black diamonds. We can't imagine someone walking around with this thing without getting robbed. The mask already has a buyer, and the buyer demanded it be the most expensive.Listen and Subscribe On:Apple Podcast: Play: Cast: Feed:
This is our first episode back recording from the whole COVID-19/Corona Virus thing. We have finally started back up, trying to find our way away. But we're back and we're so ready, but without Gordy this week (whom we have joked that he stars in Stranger Things, but he only looks like the character Dustin).We finally got into the news, where Honch brings his love for Detroit Lions, but he's not talking about the Tiger King, he is talking about the Washington Redskins changing their name. What we need to ask is, what do they change their name to? That said, they changed did finally change their name to "The Washington Football Team". Literally the most literal name you could go with....seriously that is the best that their marketing/PR department could come up with? They are only putting numbers on their helmet, with no identifying logo.After discussing the names of sports team, clearly the only thing to talk about immediately after that is robots. But there is a tie in with the prior topic, because a Japanese baseball team has brought in a squad of robots, which includes some of them in dog form. What is odd about these robots is that the robots dance. Have you also seen all of those cardboard cutouts, or maybe the movie that D couldn't come up with; Weekend at Bernie's ? Turns out someone put Bernie on a cardboard cutout behind homeplate at an MLB game, or realistic sex dolls.A man in Jamaica won the local lottery, and he won $95 million, which is approximately $670,000 in US dollars. In order to remain anonymous, the man dressed up in a Darth Vader costume. If the world had to see you, would you dress in disguise.Listen and Subscribe On:Apple Podcast: Play: Cast: Feed:
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