It’s Not Normal It’s Toxic: Rid Your Life of Toxic People

The Priority…Me!!! Retreat Is back, but this time available to any and all without travel or time off work. It Is scheduled Monday, May 13 through Friday, May 17, 2024.  By using your PODCAST PATRON DISCOUNT CODE: ILISTEN15 you will receive 15% off when register. (Code excludes the hardship payment option) For more information and registration https://drheiditoxicrelationshipsupportgroups.start.page Guest speakers include 3 of my latest podcast guest.. can you guess who? After years of doing the up and down, back and forth, taking care of myself, giving it up for others, then back to taking care of myself, I have learned and am thankful to tell you that what I discovered was this…. I ACTUALLY HAVE WAY MORE CONTROL THAN I THOUGHT IT DID.  When things were not going well, I would look to others to support me through it, to fix it for me, and possibly take the blame for it. However, in the end it has always been a result of me slacking in the area of self care and prioritizing myself.  The other thing that I learned the hard way was that is was MY responsibility no one else’s. (That part hurt for a while, I was tired, I didn’t want to carry it anymore…..but when you have no other option than to rely on yourself …. You will figure out a way to do it.)  3 DAYS PUTTING MY ATTENTION BACK ON MYSELF AND wallah! 

Professional home organizer Cass Henry tells of her recent experience with decluttering her life by “throwing out” a relationship that was taking up too much space. She is an inspiration to all she encounters. Though just recently free, she is encouraging others to follow her lead and let go of the things that are cluttering up your life. Find Cass at transformedspaces.ca If you are wanting more details on the mentioned Priority…Me!!! Online retreat you can find those details along with all the other services offered by Coaching with Dr Heidi here. https://drheiditoxicrelationshipsupportgroups.start.page

After spending her first 40 years in the cultish Evangelical world, picking up many layers of cPTSD from family, religion and marriage. Charlotte is rebuilding her new life as a single mom of five kids (who has stopped homeschooling by the way.... tough decision) Single moms usually work, but in 2020 with complications from long covid she developed brain injuries along with some nervous system damage. She lost the entry level jobs she attempted to work and was unable to keep up with her long-time usual pace. This is a glimpse of her journey. Through an unhealthy marriage (arranged by the church) the leaving her evangelical upbringing (with its magical, mystical promises), She has learned God doesn’t pay your loans for you or stop abuse even if you make a covenant with Him. There is work to be done on your own part to break free of false hopes and lies in order to find your true self. Today Charlotte carries her message through her very own podcast "Crooked Little Girl" Take a listen: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/crooked-little-girl/id1697643420 Charlotte has been a long time listener of this podcast, It's Not Normal It's Toxic, and has been a member of my online support group for many years. (https://www.facebook.com/groups/drheidistrength Her mission is to speak on the spiritual abuse she endured and warn others of falsities within religion where the teachings are... well abusive.

Sabrina Magnan is a Food Freedom & intuitive Eating Coach who helps chronic dieters heal their relationship with food & their bodies and develop lasting health-promoting habits so that they can find true authentic health, free from the obsession and guilt. Sabrina has a website as well as a podcast if you are looking for more information. https://sabrinamagnan.com/ https://sabrinamagnan.com/podcast

In this episode I will speak with 3 people that I have gotten to know very well over the last few years, they are all members of Strength Within. "Strength Within" is the support group that I run on facebook for those seeking understanding in your situation. The 3 guest today will be answering questions about how their lives would be different today if they had not gone through what they went through. These are some strong, determined, and now happy people who once did not feels as if they were. I hope this episode is as encouraging for you as it was for me while recording. Here is the link to the "Strength Within" facebook group if you are searching for a community that understands. https://www.facebook.com/groups/drheidistrength Looking for a deep dive? All services provided can be seen here: https://drheiditoxicrelationshipsupportgroups.start.page

 I know that you are going through times of adversity in your life, the high demands of your relationship and just plain keeping life in balance often seems like more than you can handle. Today you will be listening to me speak with a guest who has also had her share of adversities. Fiji McAlpine, today's guest is a yoga virtuoso who turned personal adversity into a global movement. After a debilitating back injury at 21, Fiji discovered the transformative power of yoga. Not just a remedy for her physical pain, yoga became her lifeline out of anorexia as well as an unhealthy marriage. This was an eye opening episode for me to record as she calls out many things that I KNOW I need to be implementing into my journey of healing and self discovery. She even calls me out and gives me a challenge, join me in the 14 day Yoga challenge that can be found on her website here: https://www.doyogawithme.com/content/14-day-yoga-challenge Without changing something our adversities grow, the more they pile up the more impossible making a change feels. Where body and mind connect is where Fiji has found her "Possible" Looking for a community to support you through learning, healing, and growing after a toxic relationship? Check out the We're INNIT Together Growth & Support Community here: https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/we-are-innit-together-community

The “Just Enough” Relationship is a devistation that almost no one ever sees coming. The just enough relationship is one that gives you “just enough” to keep you invested in the relationship, but not enough for you to feel safe, accepted, or appreciated.We tend to lower our standards as we accept less and less from those who are giving “just enough”. Real effort is not given unless the relationship is threatened.One is giving the least amount they can get away with giving and the other gives until they are desperately drained. You can become used to the way the “just enough” relationship is and accept not being valued or settle much less than you deserve.Relationships do not have to have huge flaws in order for you to justify leaving or changing one that is not right for you. How long have you stayed in the "just enough" relationship, at the "just enough" job, in the "just enough" friendship because you grew used to the poor treatment.

We all know that divorce is hard. It is something that affects everyone who is in the lives of those who are separating. With so much going on many do not realize the impact these changes have on the children that are caught in the middle. Those going through an amicable divorce can usually navigate things well so the children adapt with everyone else, but for those who are going through a high conflict divorce the storyline is much different. As a family law attorney and GAL for the state of Pennsylvania Elle Barr, has dedicated her life to making sure when there are kids involved she keeps her focus on them. Listen how she got into this work and how it has become her passion to protect those who are not able to protect themselves as "mom & dad" try to settle their differences. Learn more about Elle Barr here: https://ellebarr.com/ Be sure to follow her on social media: https://www.linkedin.com/in/elle-barr-252b14104 insta: @elle.barr.galGroups & programs currently available to you through Coaching with Dr Heidi are listed here: https://drheiditoxicrelationshipsupportgroups.start.page

How many time have you gone back and forth between, "I should leave this relationship" and "maybe it's not that bad"? More than you care to remember I am sure. Making this decision is not easy, I know this because if it was easy, you would have already made it. If you are anything like me when I was in your position, then you are trying to make this difficult decision with only half of the information. You are the only one who can make this decision, but we don't realize it. Instead what we do, is allow their mood to make that decision. If they are in a good mood, we choose to stay, and when they are in a bad mood or treating us badly we will choose to leave. The problem with that is, it is never consistent, it is always unpredictable. So we swing back and for from staying and leaving almost on a daily basis. If you are one that can relate then this podcast is for you and my newest program is for you too. "On the Fence!" is a 3 month program that will give you the information you need to make the decision that is very best for you, and, you will make that decision with confidence. You can not decide anything with only half of the information. THE "ON THE FENCE!" 3 MONTH PROGRAM IS STARTING: Feb 5, 2024 This is an intense program lead and taught by Dr Heidi. IF YOU COULD FIND THE ANSWER TO THIS CONTINUALLY WEIGHING QUESTION, HOW WOULD IT CHANGE YOUR LIFE. All the information you will need to start moving forward. Its time, and it's your turn! FOR MORE INFORMATION ON THE GROUP AND ALL OF DR HEIDI'S SERVICES CLICK HERE: https://drheiditoxicrelationshipsupportgroups.start.page

Dr. Debi Silber is the founder of the PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute and is a holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert. Over the last 30+ years, she has supported thousands of people to heal physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.She is fully dedicated to this mission because she believes that betrayal is one of the most painful experiences one could ever have. She knows because she has been there. It was her own betrayals, first from her family and then from her husband, that shattered her heart, trust, and life as she knew it. Betrayal can be something you carry around for a very long time without even realizing it. There is more than just one stage of betrayal, which one are you? Post betrayal syndrome will carry over into all aspects of your health and your life. Dr Debi walks with others through each stage giving the support that she knows her clients will need in order to stay focused and value the changes that the act of betrayal brought into their lives. Learn more about Dr. Debi and her work by visiting her website: https://thepbtinstitute.com/ Follow Dr Debi on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/InspireEmpowerTransform or instagram https://www.instagram.com/debisilber/ Looking for a support group? Looking for answers? Are you confused about your relationship? Don't know where to begin? I am here to help. Visit my website for some tips on how and where to begin your journey to freedom from the toxic relationships is your life. https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/work-with-me

2023 is coming to an end. I can not believe another year has come and gone. This year was a years of... UGG.. learning, digging, admitting, understanding, & growth for me. I had an indescribable year. If there is an emotion out there... I had it! If there was a feeling...I felt it! If there was a doubt...I questioned it! If there was trust... I tested it! And if there was change...I resisted it! 2023 wore me slick out, but in the end, it was incredible. I NEEDED IT! Dr Heidi Instructions for life that you will hear in this episode were born out of this year of transformation. They will not all resonate with you, but that is to be expected.... They are "MY" instructions for life. I hope you enjoy and I hope you take the time to reflect and write your own. Here is to another beautiful year.! Thank you for your continued support and trust in me! - Dr Heidi

Are you going through yet another holiday season, that does not all resemble the one you once had pictured in your mind. When you have relationships in your life that are not healthy for you, where controlling behaviors are present, or where that has been betrayal the supposed "Peace on Earth" doesn't seem so peaceful. Rather than spreading your "Joy to the World" you would rather "Deck someone's Halls". How do we navigate this time of year while attempting to balance all our normal responsibilities plus the added holiday demands while the toxic people in our lives go off the rails to ruin it all for us. We know they do this because your focus is not all on them like it normally is. This caused discomfort to their security and thus causes new, changed, or amplified behavior. Needing some tips to get you through the next couple weeks? Listen as our "betrayal expert" Dr Debi Silber shares with us how to juggle the painful devastation of betrayal while still longing to enjoy your holidays. Dr. Debi Silber is the founder the PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) institute. Learn more about Dr. Debi and her work by visiting her website: https://thepbtinstitute.com/ Looking for a support group? Looking for answers? Are you confused about your relationship? Don't know where to begin? I am here to help. Visit my website for some tips on how and where to begin your journey to freedom from the toxic relationships is your life. https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/work-with-me

Today I was able to speak with fellow podcast hosts to get their perspective on the toxic relationship when there are narcissistic behaviors present. Kerry McAvoy, Ph.D, a mental health clinician, & Tara Blair Ball, a certified relationship coach, together are the hosts of the podcast "Breaking free from Narcissistic Abuse". The long term effects for those involved in toxic relationship are devastating. Those around you will not understand which will lead you to feel isolated to protect yourself. Kerry & Tara discuss how the brain changes when you are in relationships requiring survival from day to day. Why we see things differently than many and how to overcome the challenges that face us post toxic relationship. Some misconceptions about the toxic relationship are debunked giving some insight on how to heal yourself. You can find them here on their website or on social media sites @breakingfreefromnarcabuse. If you are seeking support for your situation check out the communities available at Coaching with Dr Heidi. We're INNIT Together Support Community Listen now!

Masking our personality is something that we all struggle with. It is easy to want to cover up who we really are around people who may not like us, around those who make us feel unsafe, or around those who we are threatened by. We change who we are in certain environments so our vulnerable ares and weaknesses do not show. Why would we do this? To gain approval/acceptance of others - To avoid conflict - To lessen fear - To gain love - To make others happy. I am not pointing fingers at anyone because I myself had perfected the art of mask wearing when I found myself facing the shame of being in an emotionally abusive relationship for many years. I did not realize the damage that had been done to my emotional health until years later. In order to hide my past I began to wear masks to that I would not have to explain to others anything about the shame I felt. I am not sure that anyone knew the true Heidi for many many years. What masks do you wear? Want to know where to go next? What is the best thing to do first? Click here and see how you are feeling right now and lets get started on throwing your masks out the window. https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/work-with-me

Why is it that with the toxic relationship comes the art of minimization? To minimize is to take significant things, either good or bad, and lessen the importance or degree of them. In a nutshell minimizing makes the good things seem not so good and the bad seem not so bad. When we learn to minimize in a unhealthy relationship it allows us to avoid dealing with our emotions and our feelings. Do you minimize the things you should be celebrating? Are you minimizing abusive behavior? Learning how the emotionally abusive relationship can change so much in us just out of our need to survive. If you want more information about my services go to:https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/ If you are looking for a group for guidance & support check out the We're INNIT Together Community here: https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/we-are-innit-together-community

Whether we like it or not transformations show up in our lives, sometimes at the most inconvenient times. We can fight them, but that will only make them last longer. The transformations in your life are there for a reason. We were not meant to stay the same person, we were meant to grow, to learn, to be our true self. With each transformation, even the painful ones, you will see that they are working for your good and for a place of higher peace in your life. To learn more about my mission and my work in the toxic relationship realm go to: https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/

Unhealthy relationships change us, rewire us, cause us to adapt in order to survive. Being in a longstanding toxic relationship changed my view of myself, my life, and the things that I deserved. I forgot that I was important too. I put all my energy in to making the relationship “feel” safe and in the end, I lost myself which doesn’t feel safe at all. We, as individuals have certain rights. You had them given to you the minute you were born, yet they seem to disappear when surviving each day becomes your focus. Listen to this episode to hear the things you are entitled to just for being a person. Most were lost for me, ignored, or forgotten during my time in an unhealthy relationship. This episode will remind you of those rights and possibly open your eyes to the reality that you have been unable to execute them. If you are looking for a list of the rights that were read in this episode you can either search “personal bill of rights” or follow this link: https://www.etsu.edu/students/counseling/documents/stressgps/personalbillofrights.pdf As always if you are looking for further support https://coachingwithdrheidi.com will get you to my website where you can schedule a session or join the membership support community where you will find the support to make the changes you did not think you could make.

I direct people daily to specific podcast episodes they need to hear according to the situation they are in right now. Last week I featured the top episode for those seeking validation. This week I would like to suggest some to those who have made the choice for themselves to leave a relationship but who now may be struggling with self doubt or guilt. If you are feeling alone and uncomfortable now when you thought you were ready… it’s ok, it is normal to feel this way for a while. The following episodes may help explain why. If you feel you need more support you can always head over to my website and schedule a session with me I would be happy to support where I can. https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/consult-page You are not alone on this journey!

I talk to a lot of people in a week, and I find myself referring them to the podcast episodes that I feel resonate with what they are needing right NOW. For those who are seeking validation that it is not all your fault, that you are not crazy, that you have tried your best; for those who have just begun there journey of learning what an unhealthy relationship can look like, these are for you. The top 4 most recommended (by me) It’s Not Normal It’s Toxic episodes for those seeking validation. If you are just beginning your search for what is not normal I challenge you to head over to my website https://coachingwithdrheidi.com and take the Toxicity Profile Analysis. It is a great tool for those whom toxic behaviors have come to be normal. Also while you are these take a look at the online support community where guidance and acceptance go hand in hand.

Get a sneak peek into a live session in the We’re INNIT Together Membership Support Community. See how it works, see if you like it. I is an example of how the live sessions go. How we interact, and what you can expect when joining the online membership support group. If you think it would be a good fit for you register here and we will see you there! https://coachingwithdrheidi.com/we-are-innit-together-community?sfw=pass1683508208