DiscoverThe Art of Charm | High Performance Techniques| Cognitive Development | Relationship Advice | Mastery of Human Dynamics
The Art of Charm | High Performance Techniques| Cognitive Development | Relationship Advice | Mastery of Human Dynamics

The Art of Charm | High Performance Techniques| Cognitive Development | Relationship Advice | Mastery of Human Dynamics

Author: AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak

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The Art of Charm is where self-motivated people, just like you, come to learn from the company’s coaches about to how to master human dynamics, relationships, and becoming your best self with the help of Johnny and AJ, the company’s founders. Johnny and AJ bring their 11 years of coaching experience from their famous Bootcamps, where they host clients in Los Angeles from all over the world and they share their stories, best practices and themselves on this weekly podcast. Not only does The Art of Charm help everyday people, including active members of the military, learn how to become higher performers, better spouses, partners, and coworkers, they dig deep into human behavior, the science behind it, and demystify what we do and why we do it.

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725: Boost Your Emotional Intelligence w/ Michael Ventura
Cultivating empathy is crucial in developing solid relationships in our personal and professional lives -- but what exactly is it, how is it different from sympathy, why did Michael Ventura found a company based on it, and what steps can we start taking today to work on it?What to Listen ForWhy getting it wrong is human and how it can enable you to embrace making mistakes.How does being vulnerable help to motivate those around you?What is the core principle of empathy?The seven archetypes of empathy as described in Michael Ventura’s book, Applied Empathy, and how knowing them can improve your relationships inside and outside the office.What one exercise can you start doing right now to be more present?How a severe injury and Eastern medicine altered the course of Michael Ventura’s life to lead him to found Sub Rosa and writing Applied Empathy.What empathy is NOT.Empathy versus sympathy and why sympathy leads to disconnection instead of connection.How do sociopaths use empathy against us and the red flags to look for.Michael Ventura explains how to cultivate empathy in larger groups.What one tip does Michael Ventura recommend to everyone to start improving their listening skills NOW which he also uses himself? Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the shoes of another person in order to understand WHY that person is feeling a certain way. While it often gets mixed up with sympathy, the effects they have are polar opposites: empathy allows you to connect with others while sympathy leads to a disconnect.Fortunately, once empathy is clearly defined and you understand the variety of examples as well as start taking steps to work on your ability to empathize, you will quickly notice the relationships in your life grow and strengthen.PLEASE SCROLL DOWN FOR FULL SHOW NOTES AND FEATURED RESOURCESShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!HoneyBook makes it easy for you to book your ideal client faster, more frequently, and with less legwork. Art of Charm listeners can get 50% off the first year of Honeybook with promo code CHARM. Sign up at honeybook.comRXBAR wants to build things the right way. RXBAR believes in the power of transparency, and lets the core ingredients do all the talking with all of them listed on the front of the packaging. For 25% off your first order, visit RXBAR.com/aoc AND ENTER PROMO CODE: AOC AT CHECKOUT.Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.Resources from this EpisodeApplied Empathy by Michael Venturahttps://appliedempathy.com/Sub Rosa - Michael Ventura’s companyhttps://wearesubrosa.com/Check in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/ajharbingerJohnny on Facebookhttps://www.facebook.com/john.dzubak
724: How to Deepen Your Connection With Others | Article
Technology in the digital age has made it easier than ever to form new connections and stay in touch with old ones, but it’s also led to increased loneliness and flakiness as people rack up more screen time and less face time, so why is this, why is showing up so important in deepening your connections with others, and what does showing up actually mean?Unfortunately, you may be paying the price of not knowing what that balance looks like if you’re not making a conscious effort to make new connections, deepen your existing ones, and actually show up for the people in your life.What to Listen For:Why is digital communication made to make you feel good and not the person you’re talking to?Why do people flake and how do we overcome that flakiness?How can we deepen the connections we already have?Why do we tend to lose friends over time?The value of getting comfortable saying NOWhat does “showing up” for your friends actually entail?The tools to turn acquaintances into true connections and salvage friendships that might be drifting awayWhy is it more important to be there for the defeats rather than the victories?What one thing can you say to someone going through a tough time when you don’t know what to sayShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity for everyone — both men and women — to create accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today theartofcharm.com/challenge.Sponsors: Stitch Fix is personal styling for men, women & kids that sends clothing to your door (with free shipping & returns). Get started at stitchfix.com/charm & find clothes you’ll love!Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design — even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project.Warby Parker has prescription eyeglasses starting at $95 Fast, free shipping both ways. Go to warbyparker.com/aoc to get started with your free at-home trial.Resources from this EpisodeIf you’re wondering why you’ve lost friends in adulthood, this is probably why by Jackie LuoA More Or Less Definitive Guide To Showing Up For Friends by Rachel Wilkerson Miller, Anna Borges, Terri Pous, Gyan YankovichJaron LanierTrust and Betrayal - by Jillian Raftery, based on research by John GottmanTrust and The Marble Jar Video - Brene BrownNever Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi
723: Why Vulnerability Leads to Connection | Toolbox
We all rely on 3 levels of connection when it comes to meeting people -- but what are they, do we have to follow them in order, and how do we know what level we’re on with someone?WHAT TO LISTEN FORWhat are the 3 levels of connection and why is it important to follow them in order?Is it possible to form a deeper bond with a stranger in 45 minutes than the bond you have with your closest friend?What mistake do many of us make when first getting to know someone and why can it cause a connection to fall apart in seconds?How do we encourage vulnerability from other people so that we can strengthen our relationships?What types of questions should you ask in order to build strong connections?What is the primary driving force behind building connections and being vulnerable?How does comfort with shame and embarrassment build deeper connections?Building great connections with new people can seem like navigating a maze if you don’t understand how connections are built in the first place. When you’re in a maze you can’t see where you started, you can’t see where the exit is, and every turn you take looks like the last one.Once you understand the 3 levels of connection, however, you go from being stuck in the maze to looking down on it. Connection is directly related to vulnerability, and when you’re comfortable being vulnerable at each level you’re able to confidently guide the other person through the maze as you learn more about each other and develop a solid bond.PLEASE SCROLL DOWN FOR FULL SHOW NOTES AND FEATURED RESOURCESShare your vulnerabilities, victories, and questions in our 17,000-member private Facebook group at theartofcharm.com/challenge. This is a unique opportunity where everyone — both men and women — celebrate your accountability on the way to becoming the best version of yourself. Register today here!https://theartofcharm.com/challenge/A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORSProblems hiring? ZipRecruiter is the highest-rated hiring site in America. Try for FREE at ziprecruiter.com/charm where ZipRecruiter will send your job to 100+ of the web’s leading job boards.Calm includes guided meditations and Sleep Stories to help you reduce anxiety, lower stress and sleep better. AoC listeners can get 25% off a Calm Premium subscription at calm.com/charm. Get started today at calm.com/charm.Great protection. Fair prices. Easy to use. SimpliSafe is the right way to protect your home. Go today to SimpliSafe.com/AOC to get your system today!MORE ABOUT THIS SHOWThink of the 3 levels of connection like a roadmap. If you were in the passenger seat of a car and you were telling the driver how to get from point A to point B, where would you start?Ideally, you’d find your current location, point A, on the map and start giving directions from there (or pull out your smartphone because this isn’t 1999, type the destination in, and hit enter, but stick with me). If you tried to give directions starting from point B, or somewhere in between points A and B, you wouldn’t go anywhere, the driver would look at you confused, and she might just get out of the car and let you figure it out on your own.YOU HAD ONE JOB!Anyway, the same goes for the 3 levels of connection.If you’re going to start building a connection you must start at the beginning: the first level.Light Disclosure“In order for vulnerability to happen there’s gonna have to be some risk involved,” Johnny states, “and that’s what’s scary about all this. So, the first level that we’re discussing is lighthearted, fun, amusing anecdotes about yourself and the world around you.”Think of an embarrassing story from when you were younger.Maybe you were running a mile in PE (physical education) and tripped in front of the whole class and everyone laughed at you. Maybe you tried to cut your hair and you didn’t realize how bad it was until you walked into class the next day and everybody laughed at you. Or maybe on your driver’s license exam you hit a parked car because you forgot which was the brake pedal… and everybody laughed at you.The point is if you have an embarrassing story from your past that you can laugh at now, you can consider that light disclosure.The person you’re telling the story to might not be able to relate to the exact events, but he will be able to relate to the emotional bids, such as being embarrassed, or caught off guard, or feeling humiliated in front of his classmates.You can be vulnerable in telling a story like that, people can connect with you via the emotions conveyed, and there’s little risk because of the amount of time that’s passed and you’ve moved on (hopefully).AJ put it simply, “We’re pulling a piece of our past that shows a little imperfection.”And before we move onto the second level, keep in mind that these stories are not about the facts (location, color of the chalkboard, number of students that laughed their faces off, etc), but the emotions you felt in the story (embarrassment, frustration, anger, sadness, humiliation, etc).We connect through emotions, not facts.Medium DisclosureJohnny goes on to preface level 2, “Once both people have conveyed those stories, and are feeling matched, you are now at a point where if you want to go further then both parties can feel good about it. And what comes next is level 2, medium disclosure, which is beliefs, opinions, feelings, and ideas about yourself and the world around you.”Johnny also puts that last thought another way, “How you see things coming together, and that has been colored and put together through your sheer experiences in life. Which means that mine are going to be different than yours.”What are some examples of medium disclosure?Well, if light disclosure had to do with something from your past that you can laugh at, medium disclosure is going to be something more related to your present self. Maybe even something in your recent past (the last few years) that still has a hold on you or left a significant impact on how you perceive yourself and the world around you.AJ gives the example of imposter syndrome and feeling like he was a failure. Maybe you went through a bad breakup and it crushed your self-confidence. Maybe you got let go from a job you loved and it made you question your knowledge and abilities and possibly your career choice.The examples above are in a higher risk category than level 1 because someone could use your vulnerability against you, either to manipulate you or just hurt you.In addition, because two people are going to see the world through different lenses, sharing something in the medium disclosure level can invite judgment from the other person as their perception of you and the world is different. Heavy Disclosure“Heavy disclosure is the understandable human weakness, “Johnny continues, “Your fears and insecurities about yourself and the world around you. Now, that is a big one because most people don’t want to have to admit they have fears and insecurities because that leaves them feeling vulnerable which leads them to feel unsafe.”AJ later chimes in, “Now, when we hear heavy disclosure, many of us are not anticipating trust, respect, kindness, or affection. We’re expecting the worst, like ‘Oh my God now I’m going to be so judged, so vulnerable that this person can’t possibly like or love me.’ But in these moments when we progress through the light, we are now dropping our guard, moving to medium [disclosure] where we’re starting to explain our worldview and share that, and then we move to heavy [disclosure] - now we’re actually on the road to real connection!”Heavy disclosure is the final level in this roadmap for connection, but it doesn’t mean you have to get there with everyone you meet. Heavy disclosure should be reserved for those who earn it.Why?Well, if you just go around telling everyone your deepest darkest secrets it tells people you will allow anyone in without knowing anything about them (not to mention those secrets are no longer deep, dark, or secret).As Johnny puts it, “By being selective on who gets that information, it allows that other person to feel special for knowing you in such a state.”SHOW NOTESWe kick things off with the 1997 study by Arthur Aron that sparked the 36 Questions That Lead To Lovewww.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.htmlWhy was it so easy for us to make friends as kids?And why does it get harder to make friends as we get older?What is vulnerability and why does the thought of being vulnerable in today’s world lead to feelings of fear and anxiety?Johnny touches on why vulnerability allows people to connect with us so quicklyWhat goes on behind the scenes of the “perfect” lives we see on social media?The first level of connectionAJ explains what you should focus on when telling a lighthearted storyThe second level of connectionJohnny and AJ talk about their experience with imposter syndromeWhat mistake do many of us make when first getting to know someone and why can it cause a connection to fall apart in seconds?The third level of connection (aka the big one)Why heavy disclosure is NOT for everyoneHow are vulnerability and the victim mentality related?AJ breaks down how to know when the person you’re talking to is ready for heavy disclosureWhy is it important to be comfortable with our own vulnerabilities before trying to get other people to open up about theirs?How do we encourage other people to be vulnerable?Johnny and AJ break down a common trait many people exhibit that prevents those around them from even wanting to be vulnerableWhat red flag should you look for in others when you start opening up?AJ emphasizes what happens when we don’t follow the connection roadmapWhat questions should you focus on if you want to build strong connections?Why are emotions such a challenging subject for many of us to talk about?Johnny explains the barriers to vulnerability many men in today’s day and age deal withAJ and Johnny discuss how vulnerability and shame are so tightly connectedWhat is the primary driving force under building connections and being vulnerable?What do you have to work on that will allow other people to be more comfortable being themselves around you?Johnny explains the importance of play as described by Brene Brown (https://brenebrown.com/)Why is it so important to talk about shame?Final thoughtsResources from this EpisodeThe Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings by Arthur Aron(http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0146167297234003)The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown(https://www.amazon.com/Gifts-Imperfection-Think-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1538231021&sr=1-1&keywords=the+gifts+of+imperfection)Applied Empathy by Michael Ventura (https://www.amazon.com/Applied-Empathy-New-Language-Leadership/dp/1501182854)Check in with AJ and Johnny!AJ on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/ajharbingerJohnny on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/aocjohnny/Quotes:“We feel strongly connected to those that we feel comfortable enough being vulnerable around.” - AJ“If we want other people to be vulnerable around us, then we’re going to have to be vulnerable ourselves.” - Johnny“The less we talk about shame the more we feel it.” - AJ“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” - Carl Jung
722: What Matters Most in a Difficult Conversation | Q&A w/ Andrea J. Lee
In this episode of The Art of Charm, AJ (@AJHarbinger) and Johnny (@AOCJohnny) wrap up September’s month of Emotional Bids. Before answering listener questions, they speak with Andrea Lee (andreajlee.com), an accomplished coach, successful author, and violence prevention expert. From difficult personal conversations to work-related challenges Andrea believes that the RIGHT use of power - “emotional leadership” is crucial as we try to navigate.  Without it, we end up with the abuse of power and interactions that can lead to emotional abuse. Andrea draws on her personal experience with difficult conversations from both ends of the spectrum - as both a victim and perpetrator of abuse.  She shares what it takes to redeem yourself and rebuild any fractured relationship. Throughout their discussion, AJ, Johnny, and Andrea go in-depth into these moments, discussing the critical turning points in their lives and how they were able to overcome them. And we answer listener questions about emotional bids and personal relationships. WHAT TO LISTEN OUT FORHow can someone break the pattern of abuse in his/her life? Trigger Warning: this episode does contain a discussion about abuse. If this is a trigger for you please be aware. What is the first step to fully understanding a conflict with someone?Saying “yes” is important, but why saying “no” can be even more powerful, and how we can do it with compassion towards others. The Delta model - a 3-point tool that can be universally applied to the toughest conversations.  How can you prepare for a conversation you’re afraid of having with a loved one, partner or colleague. A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to Blinkist.com/AOC to start your free trial or get three months off your yearly plan when you join today.MeUndies are The World’s Most Comfortable Undies, 3x softer than cotton, and made from sustainably sourced fiber.To get your 15% off your first pair, free shipping, and a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee, go to: meundies.com/charmHoneyBook makes it easy for you to book your ideal client faster, more frequently, and with less legwork. Art of Charm listeners can get 50% off the first year of Honeybook with promo code CHARM. Sign up at honeybook.com“Great protection. Fair prices. Easy to use. SimpliSafe is the right way to protect your home.” Go today to SimpliSafe.com/AOC to get your system today!RESOURCES* Andrea J. Lee - https://andreajlee.com* “We Need to Talk: Your Guide to Challenging Business Conversations” by Andrea J. Lee - https://amzn.to/2NxY837* “The Power of the Positive No” by Dr. William Yuri - https://amzn.to/28MB2g1KEEP UP WITH THE ART OF CHARM* The Art of Charm Challenge | theartofcharm.com/challenge* The Art of Charm Insiders | theartofcharm.com/insiders* The Art of Charm Bootcamp | theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcamp/* Best of The Art of Charm Podcast | theartofcharm.com/category/best-of/* The Art of Charm Toolbox | theartofcharm.com/category/toolbox-episodesSOCIAL MEDIA IG: @theartofcharm | Twitter: @TheArtOfCharm | Facebook: TheArtofCharmWanna RUN A HALF MARATHON in a Halloween costume w/ AJ & Johnny?Register now at www.runrocknroll.com/los-angeles/ !!ENJOYING WHAT YOU HEAR?Your reviews are essential to us and for those discovering The Art of Charm. Go to theartofcharm.com/mobilereview to share your Art of Charm experience.
721: How to Improve Your Workplace Communication | Michael Sorensen
On this episode of the Art of Charm, AJ (@AJHarbinger) and Johnny (@AOCJohnny) take emotional bids to the next level by speaking with an expert on validation - one of the most important parts of human connection. That expert is Michael Sorensen, a marketing executive, personal-development junkie, and the author of the best-selling book “I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships. Michael shares his own experiences on the job and in his personal life that led him to writing his book and understanding just how important validation is in creating strong bonds with others. WHAT TO LISTEN OUT FORAt the end of the day, it’s all about relationships. So, why is validation such a great tool for managing the important relationships in your lifeWhere is one of the best places to start fostering good validation skills?What are some examples of something meaningful to say to someone that’s seeking validation?Why being silent can indirectly push someone away from youWhat is one of the most effective ways to understand someone seeking validation and emotional attention?When do you know it’s the right time to give someone advice?After taking a listen to this episode, take a moment to think of the best ways for you to make connections with those around you. Are you finding yourself opening up or closing off to those who seeking emotional attention from you? By becoming more aware of these hidden opportunities, we can take better advantage of them and create meaningful relationships. A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!eero is the world’s first whole home wifi system that delivers hyper fast, super secure wifi to every room in your home. For free overnight shipping to the US or Canada, visit eero.com and at checkout select overnight shipping then enter CHARM to make it free!Great protection. Fair prices. Easy to use. SimpliSafe is the right way to protect your home. Go today to SimpliSafe.com/AOC to get your system today!Calm includes guided meditations and Sleep Stories to help you reduce anxiety, lower stress and sleep better. AoC listeners can get 25% off a Calm Premium subscription at calm.com/charm. Get started today at calm.com/charm.Stitch Fix is personal styling for men, women & kids that sends clothing to your door (with free shipping & returns). Get started at stitchfix.com/charm & find clothes you'll love! RESOURCES* Michael Sorensen - www.MichaelSSorensen.com* “I Hear You” Book: https://amzn.to/2p4Jwth* The Gottman Institute - https://www.gottman.com KEEP UP WITH THE ART OF CHARM* The Art of Charm Challenge | theartofcharm.com/challenge* The Art of Charm Insiders | theartofcharm.com/insiders* The Art of Charm Bootcamp | theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcamp/* Best of The Art of Charm Podcast | theartofcharm.com/category/best-of/* The Art of Charm Toolbox | theartofcharm.com/category/toolbox-episodesSOCIAL MEDIAIG: @theartofcharm | Twitter: @TheArtOfCharm | Facebook: TheArtofCharm Wanna RUN A HALF MARATHON in a Halloween costume w/ AJ & Johnny?Register now at www.runrocknroll.com/los-angeles/ !! ENJOYING WHAT YOU HEAR?Your reviews are essential to us and for those discovering The Art of Charm.Go to theartofcharm.com/mobilereview to share your Art of Charm experience.
720: Turning Toward Emotion | Article
AJ (@AJHarbinger) and Johnny (@AOCJohnny) continue the theme of Emotional Bids by discussing practical ways to deepen and strengthen the connections with the people in our lives. Their source for this week’s discussion comes from a Gottman Institute article by Zach Brittle:https://www.gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/Whether it’s reciprocating feelings, talking about your day, or even better understanding physical touch, emotional bids help develop human-to-human connection and build long-lasting relationships.   WHAT TO LISTEN OUT FOR* How can the use of emotional bids help us make better connections with the people?* What is the best way to react to an emotional bid?* We might not always be able to respond to someone’s emotional bid right away. How can we respond to someone to still show that we care? *What role does humor play in emotional connection?* What’s an example of an emotional bid that can be easily overlooked?* We know that being too vulnerable can often put someone off. What ways can you think of that can create this tension?Johnny and AJ share their own experiences with missing emotional bids over the years.Whether it's getting to know someone for the first time or diving into the deepest parts of a romantic relationship, knowing how to spot an emotional bid and how to react is crucial to creating a true bond with someone we care about. A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design — even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project.“Great protection. Fair prices. Easy to use. SimpliSafe is the right way to protect your home.” Go today to SimpliSafe.com/AOC to get your system today!Art of Charm listeners can get ANY PREMIUM INDOCHINO suit for just $379 + FREE Shipping when entering “CHARM” at checkout. This is 50% off the regular price for a made-to-measure premium suit.  Incredible deal for a suit that will fit you better than anything off-the-rack ever could.HoneyBook makes it easy for you to book your ideal client faster, more frequently, and with less legwork. Art of Charm listeners can get 50% off the first year of Honeybook with promo code CHARM. Sign up at honeybook.comRESOURCES* The Ben Franklin Effect - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Franklin_effect* The Gottman Institute - https://www.gottman.comKEEP UP WITH THE ART OF CHARM* The Art of Charm Challenge | theartofcharm.com/challenge* The Art of Charm Insiders | theartofcharm.com/insiders* The Art of Charm Bootcamp | theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcamp/* Best of The Art of Charm Podcast | theartofcharm.com/category/best-of/* The Art of Charm Toolbox | theartofcharm.com/category/toolbox-episodesSOCIAL MEDIA IG: @theartofcharm | Twitter: @TheArtOfCharm | Facebook: TheArtofCharmWanna RUN A HALF MARATHON in a Halloween costume w/ AJ & Johnny?Register now at www.runrocknroll.com/los-angeles/ !!ENJOYING WHAT YOU HEAR?Your reviews are essential to us and for those discovering The Art of Charm. Go to theartofcharm.com/mobilereview to share your Art of Charm experience.
719: Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship | ToolBox
In this episode, AJ and Johnny speak on the importance of “emotional bids,” and how to successfully identify and respond to them to create a deeper connection with the people around you. We start with a look at the clinical researcher, Dr. John Gottman and the study he conducted that helped define what an emotional bid is and why it is so important. Then, AJ and Johnny describe how we can positively or negatively respond to a whole array of emotional bids – and how that can make or break a relationship. We also learn how you don’t have to tell all of your deepest and darkest secrets to feel like someone truly understands you.WHAT TO LISTEN OUT FOR* What is the simplest way to show vulnerability to someone we’re trying to connect with?* Are emotional bids always easy to spot?* How can you be more actively present in your relationships?* In the moments after you put down your phone, are you truly disconnected from it?* What is “turning towards”, and how can you create more of these positive interactions in your life?* What is one of the most important ways to connect yourself to someone else’s emotional bid?NOTES ON DR. JOHN GOTTMANBy watching a couple interact for just 3 minutes, Dr. John Gottman could predict with up to 94 percent certainty whether the couple would eventually separate, remain unhappy, or continue as a happily couple for several years. AJ and Johnny share examples of their own lives to better understand how vital emotional bids are in connecting with others and in creating value in a relationship.A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!Problems hiring? ZipRecruiter is the highest-rated hiring site in America. Try for FREE at ziprecruiter.com/charm where ZR will send your job to 100+ of the web’s leading job boards.Search free scholarships, browse course reviews, get 24/7 study help and rent textbooks for a fraction of the cost of your bookstore – all in one big education-redefining student hub. For $5 off your first month’s subscription, go to chegg.com/charm and use promo code CHARMCheck out our bootcamp page to learn about the Art of Charm’s personal development training!The Art of Charm Bootcamp / theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcampRESOURCESDr. John Gottman’s 1999 study on coupleswww.gottman.com/about/research/couples/KEEP UP WITH THE ART OF CHARM* The Art of Charm Challenge | theartofcharm.com/challenge* The Art of Charm Insiders | theartofcharm.com/insiders* The Art of Charm Bootcamp | theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcamp/* Best of The Art of Charm Podcast | theartofcharm.com/category/best-of/* The Art of Charm Toolbox | theartofcharm.com/category/toolbox-episodesSOCIAL MEDIAIG: @theartofcharm | Twitter: @TheArtOfCharm | Facebook: TheArtofCharmWanna RUN A HALF MARATHON in a Halloween costume w/ AJ & Johnny?Register now at www.runrocknroll.com/los-angeles/ !!ENJOYING WHAT YOU HEAR?Your reviews are essential to us and for those discovering The Art of Charm.Go to theartofcharm.com/mobilereview to share your Art of Charm experience.
718: Overcoming Social Anxiety in your Career | Q&A w/ Chris “Drama” Pfaff
Christopher “Drama” Pfaff (@drama) is an entrepreneur, producer, and reality TV star. He is best known for his roles in the MTV reality shows “Rob and Big” and “Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory”. In addition, he has founded “Young & Reckless Clothing” as well a music production company and a podcast, “Short Story Long”. In this episode, AJ and Johnny ask Drama about his methods for overcoming social anxiety and how to reset people’s first impressions.  and how to take advantage of opportunities to expand upon them to create your own entrepreneurial endeavors. WHAT TO LISTEN OUT FORHow can you effectively get over social anxiety?After hearing about how Drama had the courage to skip college entirely and take a chance on LA, how can you transform a burning desire into purposeful action?One of Drama’s biggest tips: Don’t ever be afraid to ask! You never know who will say yes. How can you take this mentality into your life to find success in the career and dating world? What’s one of the best questions to ask yourself if you truly want to make an impact on the world?How do you create a day where you’re on the offense in your work life instead of the defense?How do you not seize up during conversations?How do you resist from taking charge over a room?How can you actively create adventures in your life?Through practice, courage, and just doing it, we learn how to create change in our lives and foster a connection with the people around us. This formula is incredibly important to build the foundation of The Art of Charm through each and every bootcamp. A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS!Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.Browse the largest selection of audiobooks anywhere with Audible. Start your 30-day trial today audible.com/charm or text ‘CHARM’ to 500500 - and get your first audiobook for free.Stitch Fix is personal styling for men, women & kids that sends clothing to your door (with free shipping & returns). Get started at stitchfix.com/charm & find clothes you'll love!Check out our bootcamp page to learn about the Art of Charm’s personal development training!The Art of Charm BootcampResources“Short Story Long” podcast by DramaKeep up with The Art of CharmThe Art of Charm ChallengeThe Art of Charm InsidersThe Art of Charm BootcampBest of The Art of Charm PodcastThe Art of Charm ToolboxOn social media: Instagram | Twitter | FacebookWant to RUN A HALF MARATHON in your Halloween costume with AJ and Johnny in LA? Register now!Enjoying what you hear? Your reviews are essential to us and for those who haven’t discovered The Art of Charm podcast yet. Click here to share your Art of Charm experience.
717: Beat Approach Anxiety | Alex Banayan
In this episode, AJ and Johnny interview Alex Banayan (@AlexBanayan), author of “The Third Door” about his 7-year journey to interview some of the most successful people in the world. Alex shares detail about his struggles to reach his dream and the personal social barriers he had to break down to get there. Alex also shares advice, wisdom, and tricks of the trade from the people he interviewed, Bill Gates, Tim Ferriss, Larry King, and many more.What To Listen Out ForWhat is the “third door”, and how can you create one in your life?Having a great working relationship with your own fear and weakness can become a powerful tool to stop fighting with your insecurities, and to instead embrace them. In what way can you become more assured of yourself by letting go?As Larry King told Alex, technology has changed but people haven’t. How can you break through the barriers of technology to create a real connection with someone?Where do you see “the flinch” taking over in your life?As Alex can attest to, Tim Ferriss teaches us that persistence is not always going to get us what we want. What are a few key insights to be sure we don’t scare away the person we’re trying to get in front of?What’s a great way to create a relationship organically with someone online?AJ and Johnny discuss with Alex the parallels between their experiences and what they’ve learned through teaching at the AoC Bootcamp.  A Word From Our Sponsors!DesignCrowd helps startups and small businesses crowdsource custom graphics, logos, Web design — even tattoo designs! Check out DesignCrowd.com/Charm for a special $100 VIP offer for our listeners or enter the discount code CHARM when posting a project.MeUndies are The World’s Most Comfortable Undies, 3x softer than cotton, and made from sustainably sourced fiber. To get your 15% off your first pair, free shipping, and a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee, go to: meundies.com/charmBAKblade 2.0 – a DIY back shaver includes a curved ergonomic handle to reach all those hard-to-reach areas. Use discount code CHARM20 for 20% off youer first order over $30 on bakblade.com.Check out our bootcamp page to learn about the Art of Charm’s personal training!The Art of Charm BootcampResourcesThe Third Door, written by Alex BanayanWhen Things Fall Apart, by Pema ChödrönKeep up with The Art of CharmThe Art of Charm ChallengeThe Art of Charm InsidersThe Art of Charm BootcampBest of The Art of Charm PodcastThe Art of Charm ToolboxOn social media: Instagram | Twitter | FacebookWant to RUN A HALF MARATHON in your Halloween costume with AJ and Johnny in LA? Register now!Enjoying what you hear? Your reviews are essential to us and for those who haven’t discovered The Art of Charm podcast yet. Click here to share your Art of Charm experience.
716: 8 Tips to Keep the Conversation Going
How do you take a conversation to the next level and create real connection? In this episode of The Art of Charm podcast, AJ and Johnny explain 8 fundamental steps to develop a relationship beyond just a brief interaction with a stranger on the train, scoring a number at a bar, or a handshake at a business conference. Learn the social cues, the mental tricks, and the right body language to tee up a compelling conversation. The 8 StepsTake from the following article - 8 Insanely Effective Ways to Connect with Anyone You Meet 1. PAY ATTENTION - It’s simple but so easy to overlook.*What are a few ways for you to lock into a conversation? 2. SEEK FEEDBACK - From trusted friends to tell you the truth on what you can improve on.*Can you think of someone who you can talk to about this? Call them tonight! 3. ASK QUESTIONS - What’s everyone’s favorite topic? Encourage people to talk about themselves and share their experiences with you to create understanding.*How can you show someone your genuine interest in who they are? 4. REMEMBER YOUR NAME - What’s the best way to remember someone’s name and how can you use these tools during your next night out? 5. DON’T PRETEND YOU KNOW EVERYTHING - It’s the biggest turn-off of them all!*In fact, what’s one of the best ways to create a seamless and empathetic connection to turn someone one and create a connect? 6. CARE ABOUT OTHERS about others! Show appreciation for the people around you and let that bleed over into all areas of your life.*How can you create grateful positivity to spread over into your environment? 7. SEE A ROOM FULL OF FRIENDS - Visualize that at your next outing — treat no one like a stranger.*What’s one of the reactions that we have by becoming uncomfortable in a new environment? **REMEMBER: This takes practice! If you expect everyone to treat you like a friend, you might set too high of an expectation, so take it in stride. 8. CONNECT IN PERSON. As much as we might want to, we can’t truly connect online! But it’s easy to be afraid of the risk and rejection of meeting in person.*In what ways can you pivot your body language to show true interest to someone you’re meeting in person? This was a big episode, but don’t get overwhelmed! Focus on finding that one genuine friend and go from there. And remember: Humans are naturally bad at active listening, so don’t beat yourself up if you find yourself struggling along the way.Through these podcasts, we strive to give you daily hacks for your life that you can use to overcome the whims of your primitive mind and truly connect with the people around you! Check out our bootcamp page to learn about the Art of Charm’s personal training!The Art of Charm Bootcamp Resources Articles from this episode!8 Insanely Effective Ways to Connect with Anyone You Meet - “Lifehack”How to Make Friends, According to Science - “The Atlantic” Keep up with The Art of CharmThe Art of Charm ChallengeThe Art of Charm InsidersThe Art of Charm BootcampBest of The Art of Charm PodcastThe Art of Charm ToolboxOn social media: Instagram | Twitter | Facebook Want to RUN A HALF MARATHON in your Halloween costume with AJ and Johnny in LA? Register now! Enjoying what you hear? Your reviews are essential to us and for those who haven’t discovered The Art of Charm podcast yet. Click here to share your Art of Charm experience. 
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Comments (19)

Mark Iris

Great episode with tons of tips and tricks. he put language to some of the things I've come to understand but haven't vocalized before.

Aug 5th
Reply

Jordan Harbinger

Mark Iris Do you also listen to The Jordan Harbinger Show?

Aug 9th
Reply

apndali

yoyoy

Aug 1st
Reply

Austin Welsh

Does anyone know if the Art Of Charm still takes write ins for advice? I have a really interesting situation and could use some advice. I thought it could help others given all the aspects in play as well as the complexity.

Jul 30th
Reply

Austin Welsh

Jordan Harbinger haha touche, you got me there! I just got back on the app recently so my mistake! I'll send it in! Thanks

Aug 3rd
Reply

Jordan Harbinger

Austin Welsh If you listen to The Jordan Harbinger Show then you know that Feedback Friday is an entire episode full of write-ins :)

Aug 2nd
Reply

Mark Bagnall

this is great stuff guys, just started listening yesterday and love the perspectives

Jul 16th
Reply

Jordan Harbinger

Mark Bagnall Do you also listen to The Jordan Harbinger Show? The earlier episodes of The Art of Charm are done by the same team that now does The Jordan Harbinger Show.

Jul 16th
Reply

Matthew Maione-Downing

I'm at 54 minutes and all they've done is say that first impressions matter and you should try to control yours. Time to pull the plug.

Jul 3rd
Reply

Corvin Brady

Matthew Maione-Downing It's been a waste of words. Ineffective podcast in this episide

Aug 17th
Reply

Josiah Kitching

Jordan Harbinger has left the show and now it is NOT worth listening to. Caters expensive workshops to insecure individuals. Avoid, avoid, avoid!! Check out the Jordan Harbinger show instead!

Jun 11th
Reply

Eugene C.

Josiah Kitching disagree. Jordan is great and I love his new podcast but these guys are still worth listening to and they have great guests

Jul 18th
Reply

Dylan harmon

every episode now sounds like an infomercial for the extremely expensive bootcamp you guys push.

Jun 4th
Reply

J WIGHTMAN

Come over and subscribe to The Jordan Harbinger Show the host who actually built this podcast

May 13th
Reply

Jordan Harbinger

Jordan Harbinger has left this show. You can find him at The Jordan Harbinger Show.

May 10th
Reply

Dan Lucking

Jordan Harbinger Are you actually Jordan Harbinger or are you merely Jordan Harbinger's Harbinger? (BTW, I already listen to the JH show, I'm only here for the back catalogue)

Oct 10th
Reply
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