Meeting Strategist - Conversations on Leadership & Communication

Welkom bij deze speciale aflevering over European Mental Health Week (13-19 mei 2024). In een klein kwartier vertelt Marlies Zegelaar over haar mentale worstelingen en hoe die haar hebben gevormd tot de persoon die ze nu is. Na een loopbaan in onder andere de communicatiesector werkt Marlies sinds enkele jaren met veel plezier als taaldocent op het mbo. Door haar verhaal te delen, wil Marlies bijdragen aan de normalisering en de-stigmatisering van mentale kwetsbaarheden. Ook hoopt zij, en ik met haar, dat we anderen kunnen inspireren om hierover met elkaar in gesprek te gaan. Note to English speaking listeners: From now on, I will occasionally publish episodes in my mother tongue, Dutch. Today's conversation is a collaboration with my wife Marlies Zegelaar to raise awareness for European Mental Health Week (May 13-19, 2024). If you don’t speak Dutch and you find this topic interesting, please get in touch with me via LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcelvandehoef/) or email at marcel@beyondexpertise.nl.

This is a quick update for listeners. In this short episode, I explain what I've been up to and why I chose to occasionally publish episodes in my mother tongue, Dutch. Talking about episodes in Dutch, today I’m launching my first episode in a long time. It's a conversation to raise awareness for European Mental Health Week (May 13-19, 2024) and discuss the impact of mental health in our lives. If you don’t speak Dutch and you find this topic interesting, please check out the shownotes at https://www.beyondexpertise.nl/en/the-happy-investor-podcast, get in touch with me via LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcelvandehoef/) or email me at marcel@meetingstrategist.org. Please let me know what you are interested in and maybe we can also do something in English.

Here's a short episode about what I've been up to and what you can expect from me going forward. The biggest news is that I'm launching a new show: The Happy Investor, a podcast about leadership and personal development for people in the asset management and investment industry. To listen, go to: www.thehappyinvestorpodcast.com

[Bonus episode in Dutch] Bram van den Hoogen deelt zijn ervaringen en lessen als thuiswerkende manager van het compacte marketing- en communicatieteam van de Brabantse Ontwikkelings Maatschappij (BOM). Hoe communiceer je op afstand met je team en andere collega’s? En hoe kun je als communicatieteam op afstand je voelsprieten uitsteken en zorgen dat je op tijd bij projecten wordt betrokken? In de afgelopen acht maanden leerde Bram als thuiswerkende manager belangrijke lessen. Zijn oproep: ga niet gelijk naar de inhoud, maar maak eerst contact met de mens. En: plak niet zo vast aan je Teams-scherm. Soms werkt samen wandelen of ouderwets bellen (terwijl je wandelt) veel beter. Voor meer informatie, ga naar de show notes op: http://www.meetingstrategist.org/bram-van-den-hoogen

“The purpose of an organization isn’t to make leaders feel good about themselves and make their subordinates feel like ‘gee, I’ve got a really nice leader, I like that person’. The purpose of an organization is to get something done.” Ron Ashkenas is a seasoned executive coach and boardroom advisor and the author or co-author of more than 100 articles and five books, including the ‘Harvard Business Review Leader’s Handbook’. You might have already listened to episode 20 in which Ron and I discuss the six practices that define great leaders and the challenges they are facing in today’s virtual and fast-moving environment. In this bonus episode, we discuss his recent HBR article ‘Executive Coaches, Your Job is to Deliver Business Results’ and how it clashes with conventional wisdom in coaching. In his article, Ron suggests turning the traditional coaching approach on its head: "Instead of focusing first on behaviors and hoping that they lead to results, start by trying to achieve some specific results, and see what behaviors are needed to get them." Although interesting for anyone in a leadership or management position, this conversation is more geared towards coaches and HR professionals. Feel free to forward this episode to anyone in your organization who might be interested. Visit the show notes for more information: http://www.meetingstrategist.org/ron-ashkenas To read Ron's HBR article, go to https://hbr.org/2020/08/executive-coaches-your-job-is-to-deliver-business-results

What is leadership, how is it different from management and what does it take to succeed as a leader in today’s virtual environment? My guest on this episode is Ron Ashkenas, an executive coach and boardroom advisor with more than 35 years of experience in supporting leadership growth and organizational transformation. He’s a Partner Emeritus at Schaffer Consulting and the author or co-author of more than 100 articles and five books, including the ‘Harvard Business Review Leader’s Handbook’ and the ‘GE Work-Out’. This conversation consists of three parts: In the first 10 minutes Ron reflects on his experiences with former GE CEO Jack Welch: was he the best or the worst leader in corporate history? In the second part of the conversation we discuss authentic leadership and the six practices you need to succeed as a leader. In the final 15 minutes we explore how leaders can lead effectively in today’s virtual environment. Visit the show notes for more information: http://www.meetingstrategist.org/ron-ashkenas To learn more about Ron's work, go to https://www.schafferconsulting.com/biography/rAshkenas

Wikipedia defines bias as “disproportionate weight in favor of or against an idea or thing, usually in a way that is closed-minded, prejudicial, or unfair.” In this episode, fellow communication coach Chaya Mistry and I explore this important topic and how it affects our ability to lead, communicate and build human connections. Contrary to what many people might think, bias is not just about race or gender. It relates to any human attribute such a person’s height, fitness, clothing, pronunciation, writing skills and even the car he or she drives. Within milliseconds of being exposed to someone, the brain decides if this is someone we can trust, like or relate to. Most of the time we are not even aware of it. This is a huge barrier to effective communication as it prevents us from seeing people as they really are. In our conversation, Chaya explains where bias comes from and explores ways to manage our filters to create a richer relationship with the world around us. Visit the show notes for more information: https://www.meetingstrategist.org/chaya-mistry To learn more about Chaya’s work, go to https://www.humanlyconsulting.com This conversation is closely linked to my previous episode with Kwame Christian on ‘How to Talk About Race’, which you can listen to here.

Summer break! Time to replay one of my most downloaded episodes.  In 2018, I invited David Rudolf onto the show because of the communication excellence he demonstrated as Michael Peterson's attorney in 'The Staircase' on Netflix. But when listening to our conversation again nearly two years later, I'm equally impressed by David's personal leadership. He has a strong sense of purpose (fighting the Abuse of Power), he's very open about his strengths and weaknesses and how they impact others (sometimes it almost seems like he's citing a 'How to Handle Me' memo) and he's well tuned into his feelings, for example when selecting jurors or when deciding whether he has prepared enough to do well in court. In our conversation, David shares many great anecdotes from his more than 40 years as an attorney. He also talks about the strategies he uses during cross examination, why transparency is key in bad news conversations and how he's able to perform at his peak when the stakes couldn't be higher. For more detailed information about this episode, visit the original show notes on www.meetingstrategist.org/david-rudolf And if you enjoy listening to David Rudolf, he has his own podcast now. In 'Abuse of Power', David and co-host Sonya Pfeiffer spotlight cases of significant injustice, which often result in a wrongful prosecution or conviction. You can listen here: https://abuseofpowerpodcast.com 

Kwame Christian, the author of 'Finding Confidence in Conflict', talks about the role of leaders in tackling systemic racism and inequality in our societies. This episode can be broken up in two parts: In the first 14 minutes or so, we discuss Kwame's personal story, his view on the Black Lives Matter movement and his own experiences with systemic racism. In the second part, we focus on the role of leadership and how to have conversations about race in the workplace. Visit the show notes for more information: https://www.meetingstrategist.org/how-to-talk-about-race To learn more about Kwame's work, go to https://americannegotiationinstitute.com 

Michael Bungay Stanier, the best-selling author of ‘The Coaching Habit’, returns to the show to talk about how to blend coaching into your lifestyle. Coaching is the most underutilized leadership skill, but it can be highly effective in engaging and empowering employees – and making sure that the right people are working on the right things. Of course, we also discuss Michael's latest book ‘The Advice Trap’. Most of us are hardwired to add value to each conversation and offer our advice without being asked. And why not? Our knowledge helped us rise through the ranks and is one of the main reasons why we got to where we are today.  But if you want to grow as a leader, you have to be able to resist the burning temptation to offer advice – or tame your advice monster, as Michael puts it. In our conversation, we discuss: What it means to be more coach-like as a leader The difference between being coach-like and professional coaching Being lazy, often and curious: the principles of coach-like leadership Michael’s seven coaching questions The importance of trust in effective leadership conversations Investing in the resilience of relationships Being human at work: what it means and how to get there Visit the show notes for more information: https://www.meetingstrategist.org/mbs To learn more about Michael’s work, go to https://www.mbs.works  

How do you keep making your own choices and following your own path when external forces are pulling you in all directions? My guest on this episode is no one less than my wife, Marlies Zegelaar. Let me explain this. A few weeks back, I released my first-ever episode in my native language Dutch. My guest on that episode was Nanco Vrijland, an executive coach and the founder of Coachcenter in The Hague - the coaching school where I received my training as a professional coach. In our conversation, Nanco shared many powerful lessons on how to deal with uncertainty and live a more examined life, which I also wanted to make available to my international audience. My first thought was to record a solo episode but then I found a more dynamic way … a conversation about a conversation. In this short episode, Marlies and I discuss Nanco's lessons about personal leadership and reflect on how it relates to us. I created this recap episode to give international listeners a taste of what I discussed with Nanco. The original episode ran about 45 minutes and obviously contained much more information. To make up for this, I will include several tools and resources in the show notes. This is also where you can find links to learn more about Nanco and his work: http://www.meetingstrategist.org/nanco-vrijland

Nanco Vrijland talks about personal leadership and the power of generosity in times of crisis. Nanco is an executive coach and the founder of Coachcenter in The Hague - a special place for me because this is where I received my training as a professional coach. In this episode, Nanco shares tips on how to deal with uncertainty and live a more examined life. He also reflects on what the world of leadership could look like when we eventually go back to work. This conversation was recorded in Dutch. I will soon release a short episode in English to share what I learned from this deeply personal conversation. To learn more about Nanco's work, check out the links in the show notes: http://www.meetingstrategist.org/nanco-vrijland

Michael Bungay Stanier and I joined forces today to discuss the Corona-crisis and how it affects the world of work and leadership. Michael is the author of the best-selling coaching and leadership book ‘The Coaching Habit’, which teaches leaders how to empower their colleagues to do their best work. But is there even a place for this kind of leadership in these unprecedented times of crisis? As some organizations are fighting for survival, it might feel tempting to cancel all non-essential communications, switch to crisis management and forget about being coach-like. Good idea? Probably not. But how do you have coaching conversations when you are not in the same room and are not running into each other in the hallway? How can we leverage online tools? Does it require a different coaching approach? This is a short impromptu podcast conversation to provide guidance in these crazy times. In April, we will record a longer episode to dive deep into Michael’s new book ‘The Advice Trap’. To learn more about Michael’s work, check out the links in the show notes: http://www.meetingstrategist.org/michael-bungay-stanier

Kwame Christian is an attorney, mediator and the director of the American Negotiation Institute, which organizes workshops to help people navigate difficult conversations at work and at home. Kwame is also the host of the top ranked negotiation podcast Negotiate Anything, and the author of ‘Nobody will play with me, using compassionate curiosity to find confidence in conflict’. In our conversation, Kwame explains why he chooses to live in a constant state of conflict. We also discuss why women need their own negotiation podcast, how preparation can help to find confidence in conflict and why slowing down is critical to success in difficult conversations. Here are some of the episode’s highlights with timestamps: 0:49 – How Kwame turned from an outcast into a pleaser, avoiding conflict at all cost 14:20 –Prescriptive vs. descriptive stereotypes and how it affects women in negotiations 32:37 – Preparing for difficult conversations through visualization 49:45 – Kwame's Compassionate Curiosity framework 1:04:31 – The role of power in difficult conversations and negotiations For more information, key quotes and links related to this episode, please go to the full show notes at www.meetingstrategist.org/kwame-christian About this podcast Welcome to Meeting Strategist. On this podcast, Marcel van de Hoef interviews professionals and thinkers from the worlds of investment, business and arts about their approach to business conversations. You'll hear inspiring stories about impactful meetings, while also learning about the strategies, tactics and mindsets these guests rely on to make meetings more constructive. Marcel is an Amsterdam-based communication advisor and trainer and the curator of the Meeting Strategist blog. His mission is to help senior professionals think more strategically about meetings, ask better questions, improve their listening skills and have more meaningful conversations in business and life. Learn more and stay up to date at meetingstrategist.org

You can have the best idea in the world. But if you can’t get people to work with you, it will remain just that – a great idea. Simon Dowling is one of Australia’s leading thinkers on leadership, team dynamics and collaboration – and the author of ‘Work With Me: How to Get People to Buy Into Your Ideas’.  In our free-flowing conversation, Simon talks in great detail about the strategies, tactics and mindsets you need to get people to rally behind your ideas. We also discuss where most people including Simon (and me) go wrong, why you should embrace the black hole, how you can train your own buy-in muscle and what you can do to ensure that support for your ideas actually leads to change. Here are some of the episode’s highlights with timestamps: 0:49 – Reflecting on the time when one of Simon’s clients found out about his double life  18:32 – The three questions to ask yourself when preparing for a (buy-in) conversation 22:27 – Influence by decree vs. influence through win me  37:56 – Negotiating with your kids 58:21 – The process of building buy-in: it starts with you 1:13:17 – Why you should shrink the change For more information and links related to this episode, please go to the full show notes at www.meetingstrategist.org/simon-dowling About this podcast Welcome to Meeting Strategist. On this podcast, Marcel van de Hoef interviews professionals and thinkers from the worlds of investment, business and arts about their approach to business conversations. You'll hear inspiring stories about impactful meetings, while also learning about the strategies, tactics and mindsets these guests rely on to make meetings more constructive. Marcel is an Amsterdam-based communication advisor and trainer and the curator of the Meeting Strategist blog. His mission is to help senior professionals think more strategically about meetings, ask better questions, improve their listening skills and have more meaningful conversations in business and life. Learn more and stay up to date at meetingstrategist.org

Irene Sinteur and I talk about the science of empowerment, the role of power in team collaboration, how to take up the issue of autonomy with your manager and why working in self-steering teams doesn’t come naturally to us. If you want actionable tips on how to create better meetings, check out the article that Irene and I released together with this episode www.meetingstrategist.org/sinteur Irene is an expert in empowerment, autonomy and power dynamics in organizations. In 2018, she completed her PhD research on the role of power in autonomous groups. Irene and I are both deeply inspired by the work of the late Dutch social psychologist Mauk Mulder, who was a great friend and mentor of mine. Mauk is also the person who brought us together. Years ago, he mentioned Irene’s research to me and suggested that I really had to get in touch with her. Only recently, I rediscovered the note with Irene’s name on it, reached out to her via LinkedIn - and here we are recording an episode and writing blogs together. Here are some of the episode’s highlights with timestamps: 3:41 – How to help dominant and non-dominant team members listen to each other 16:38 – “The only way to empower people is to really give them power” 20:45 – Why working in autonomous teams doesn’t come naturally to us 34:43 – For leaders, autonomy begins with letting go 44:08 – Decision-making in autonomous teams: seeking consent rather than consensus 50:00 – How to handle unproductive power differences in autonomous teams For more information and links related to this episode, please go to the full show notes at www.meetingstrategist.org/irene-sinteur About this podcast Welcome to Meeting Strategist. On this podcast, Marcel van de Hoef interviews professionals and thinkers from the worlds of investment, business and arts about their approach to business conversations. You'll hear inspiring stories about impactful meetings, while also learning about the strategies, tactics and mindsets these guests rely on to make meetings more constructive. Marcel is an Amsterdam-based communication advisor and trainer and the curator of the Meeting Strategist blog. His mission is to help senior professionals think more strategically about meetings, ask better questions, improve their listening skills and have more meaningful conversations in business and life. Learn more and stay up to date at meetingstrategist.org

  This episode provides essential listening guidance and tools for leaders and lovers - or anyone who regularly finds himself in emotionally charged situations. Dan Oblinger is a hostage negotiator, author of ‘Life or Death Listening’, a keynote speaker on leadership, listening and negotiations and a father of five adopted children. In this extra-long episode, Dan breaks down how leaders, parents and lovers can harness the power of emotions to build trust and transform their relationships. We also discuss Dan’s first encounter with a jumper, how to rewire your listening brain and why leaders should ask more scary questions. For more information and links related to this episode, please go to the full show notes at www.meetingstrategist.org/dan-oblinger Here are some of the episode’s highlights with timestamps: 6:54 – Why power and authority won’t get you anywhere in hostage negotiations 18:56 – How to listen to 3-year-olds: the power of personal connection 28:21 – Creating a collaborative corporate culture 37:50 – How Dan is able to shift the focus to other people in high-stakes situations 50:47 – Prefacing and other ways to ask better questions 1:10:12 – How to negotiate with someone if you don’t even get past the reception desk About this podcast Welcome to Meeting Strategist. On this podcast, Marcel van de Hoef interviews professionals and thinkers from the worlds of investment, business and arts about their approach to business conversations. You'll hear inspiring stories about impactful meetings, while also learning about the strategies, tactics and mindsets these guests rely on to make meetings more constructive. Marcel is an Amsterdam-based communication advisor and trainer and the curator of the Meeting Strategist blog. His mission is to help senior professionals think more strategically about meetings, ask better questions, improve their listening skills and have more meaningful conversations in business and life. Learn more and stay up to date at meetingstrategist.org

My current series on power in meetings cannot be complete without this episode from Season 1. If you sell daily or occasionally and you want to feel more powerful, this is a must listen. Will Marshall is a self-employed management consultant and an executive and sales trainer at the International Institute for Humanization. In our conversation, he shares many anecdotes from his long career as a B2B sales rep and manager at corporations including Xerox.  Along the way, Will provides tips and strategies to ask better questions, gather valuable information about prospects from receptionists and use and interpret power in meetings. We also spent a lot of time talking about the mindset sales people need to deal with rejection, sell with confidence and walk away from multi-million-pound deals. Here are some of the episode’s highlights with timestamps: 4:25 – Authorizers and influencers: using decision making units (DMUs) to determine where the power lies in organizations 18:33 – How to stay calm while dealing with dominant hostile personalities 33:30 –Why negotiators need to get into the other person’s head 44:29 – Always look for the positive: Del Boy, the salesman with natural ability 53:48 – The power I used when I convinced Will to join the podcast 1:02:00 – What external consultants should do when a client keeps hijacking project meetings For more detailed information about this episode and relevant links to people and resources, visit the show notes on www.meetingstrategist.org/will-marshall About this podcast Welcome to Meeting Strategist. On this podcast, Marcel van de Hoef interviews professionals and thinkers from the worlds of investment, business and arts about their approach to business conversations. You'll hear inspiring stories about impactful meetings, while also learning about the strategies, tactics and mindsets these guests rely on to make meetings more productive and meaningful. Marcel is an Amsterdam-based communication advisor and trainer and the curator of the Meeting Strategist blog. His mission is to help senior professionals think more strategically about meetings, ask better questions, improve their listening skills and have more meaningful conversations in business and life. Learn more and stay up to date at meetingstrategist.org

My guest on this episode is Bob Pointer. After his retirement as a detective at the City of London Police, Bob specialized in helping professionals increase their conversational intelligence and transform their relationships utilizing science-based techniques.  On this episode, Bob breaks down the rules of effective communication and how leaders and other professionals can apply them in their conversations. We also talk about the role of power in creating a productive conversational climate, how human relationships are built and why trust is the center of everything. For more information and links related to this episode, please go to the full show notes at www.meetingstrategist.org/bob-pointer Here are some of the episode’s highlights with timestamps: 3:07 – The art of not asking questions 20:22 – I, Us and We conversations 30:58 – Why sales people should stop selling 39:53 – Winston Churchill and the contextuality of productive power 44:04 – The pseudo-science of body language experts on the internet 53:24 – Why leaders have to be mindful about their conversations About this podcast Welcome to Meeting Strategist. On this podcast, Marcel van de Hoef interviews professionals and thinkers from the worlds of investment, business and arts about their approach to business conversations. You'll hear inspiring stories about impactful meetings, while also learning about the strategies, tactics and mindsets these guests rely on to make meetings more constructive. Marcel is an Amsterdam-based communication advisor and trainer and the curator of the Meeting Strategist blog. His mission is to help senior professionals think more strategically about meetings, ask better questions, improve their listening skills and have more meaningful conversations in business and life. Learn more and stay up to date at meetingstrategist.org

One of the biggest challenges for modern-day leaders is to find and engage top talent. On this episode, executive coach and communication professional Julia Hart reflects on how leaders can neutralize their power and create a safe space for their youngest employees to speak up and give their best. Julia has worked in corporates including Philips, AkzoNobel and Liberty Global for more than 25 years. Last year she published her first book ‘Insider Secrets', which is packed with interesting insights and practical tips to help young professionals succeed in a corporate environment. This includes navigating office politics, dealing with your manager and, most importantly, dealing with yourself. For more information and links related to this episode, please go to the full show notes at www.meetingstrategist.org/julia-hart Here are some of the episode’s highlights with timestamps: 6:31 – How young professionals, especially women, tend to give people a reason not to listen to them 20:30 – Using the meta mirror exercise to help young professionals look through someone else’s lenses and deal more effectively with power 26:31 – What leaders can do to take their power out of the room  32:46 – Julia reflecting on her experiences of powerplay in meetings and the long-term negative impact on an organization’s culture 41:17 – What coaches can do to neutralize their (expert) power   48:02 – How leaders can make the lives of young professionals easier  About this podcast Welcome to Meeting Strategist. On this podcast, Marcel van de Hoef interviews professionals and thinkers from the worlds of investment, business and arts about their approach to business conversations. You'll hear inspiring stories about impactful meetings, while also learning about the strategies, tactics and mindsets these guests rely on to make meetings more constructive. Marcel is an Amsterdam-based communication advisor and trainer and the curator of the Meeting Strategist blog. His mission is to help senior professionals think more strategically about meetings, ask better questions, improve their listening skills and have more meaningful conversations in business and life. Learn more and stay up to date at meetingstrategist.org