My personal pensieve

Original recording 20200306. I was working everyday for a month ish sometimes starting somewhere and ending elsewhere. I learned being tied to a corporate inbox induces a lot of anxiety. I also learned that even though I am responsible, I don't enjoy always having work stuff on my mind when I go home. I do, however, enjoy tormenting myself about audio, overlays, etc, trying to make myself and my twitch better. My heart has to be in it or a task becomes mentally overwhelming. Typically, my heart is my compass. I am unfortunately a very emotional person. I am still practical, btw: but I have to feel strongly to take action. I talk about the 'rona, my agitation with people not washing their hands enough and/or properly, being frustrated with myself for window shopping when I shouldn't be, money, being worried about disappointing others, trying to find balance in work and being able to stream, loyalty, doing things my heart isn't in or I feel I have no natural talent for and am also am not learning fast enough (imho) when the field is faster paced. I probably won't feel comfortable financially to try full time come September (and as of now: May 27 am working on learning alternative income sources), but I want to still strive for Full Time. I am no therapist. Some origin story stuff near the end. I am just sharing my feels in hopes it is entertaining or relatable, but mostly to track where I was at whatever point in time. I hope we can all work through challenges we are facing. Let's be good to ourselves <3.

Jan Timeline Emo - super emo - Got sick - Got sicker - Finally got a little better - Saw seventeen - Saw friends get married Need to do a lot of things: Stretch more, learn guitar~ Inspired by Andrea Boccelli's interpretation of Ave Maria. Trying to embrace my journey this year And not dwell too much on the Possibility I will have bad luck because it is my animal year D: "Omg health is so important Especially if you don't have health insurance." No truer words. This episode was recorded PRE #corona #covid19 #c19 Everyone wash your hands thoroughly for twenty seconds, stay safe, and let's keep social distancing to help move the isolation train on its' way. <3

Went to the seventeen concert @saythename_17 instagram #NowSVT #OdeToYouwithSVT #세븐틴 Let's just call this episode #아주Nice Takeorey x Bellinissima For selective hearing @takeorey instagram His top 30 #kpop songs of #2019 https://selective-hearing.com/takeoreys-top-30-k-pop-songs-of-2019/ http://selective-hearing.com https://www.facebook.com/SelecHear/ http://feeds.feedburner.com/selective-hearing/kNfM @selec_hear Twitter @selechear instagram https://www.mixcloud.com/selechear/ https://soundcloud.com/selective-hearing-254874192 https://www.youtube.com/user/selechear I like #bts #behindthescenes stuff and broll, so for me Uploading an unedited podcast Is totally my style. Plus, I never edit my stuff. The one time I tried, I deleted the whole recording on accident. I need to be better with my phone. 세븐틴 정말 고맙습니다 "고맙다" 너무 너무 기쁜해요. It was "아주nice" 🥰 Thank You for coming to our city. I always worry about logistics And overall health So I am glad no one was exhausted From the 11/13 And 승관님 생일축하해요! Glad you made that money And enjoyed our energy No one likes performing for a cold room. I am all about supporting Because you need to get paid. Seventeen is a 13 piece group from South Korea. All kpop groups in mainstream media are from South Korea. I am a fan but not a crazed super fan So IDK their blood types Or favorite foods I read one likes Brian Puspos Which is cool It is #SeungKwan #승관 #생일 birthday Jan 16 Concert was Jan 15 So when they did goodbyes The fans sang to him Kind of Lol it was jumbly But it got across. Very nice moment. I wasn't disappointed. I am so grateful they came to Houston. I always miss the carat registration in march (Official fan club) Admittedly a little hard to recognize some Outside of #Vernon and Woozi. When people change hair sometimes It's hard for me I have a thing for (long) hair (#Jeonghan had long hair at debut) #Woozi was back to black hair But he is very distinctive. But if it's just by face I feel Woozi and #Mingyu have similar faces. I am familiar with songs But have not memorized So the song with hangul lyrics On the wall Written like a nice letter Or a poem That was nice Because I could sight read And sing along Yes I can read Korean. Comprehension Sometimes takes more time though. I was surprised at how many songs I had NOT heard Because I buy their music on itunes. And at the end they changed into glasses. YES! it made them more real! Like after 12h in contacts, of course, you want to rip them out and wear glasses. I will guess That is the logic behind it. If you guys were there I was the girl basically in bondage And seeing the first accessory change, I felt i should have bought the harness I was eyeing on ebay. Bandage faux corset (Doesn't tie up, it has hooks in the back) And interesting hot-pants with three zippers That lead to one large pocket lol. We had a super fan on my left (Whose bias is clearly Jun) *I like #Jun too, I let her scream for the both of us* And a beautiful pixie haired fan to our right Who we should have asked for her ig But I didn't want to be creepy. I kind of wanted to hang out with her after. I am reallly into hair. I got shy. DANGGIT (we both didn't say something But also acknowledged how pretty she is.) Also she had a suggestion To start a wave To get the band back out And I was like 'man, that's a good idea' So I yelled to the people up front But they didn't hear us. Near the end There were issues with suspenders I interpreted it as Them being derpy playing having fun Then kuya allen rey pointed out they were having suspender issues lol At some point in concert They were chatting and playing on stage 'Do you want to fight?' And I commenced chanting 'FIGHT! FIGHT!' XD No one fought. Am I the only one who feels like Vernon's look is slightly #1D #OneDirection? Omg and that red suit? And his color of mic? Like a tiffany blue (Mint green) Love it We were s102 DD seats 16-17. THANK YOU FOR TREATING ME!

S2 E1 episode00036: the episode that was supposed to be the first of the year but I need to learn how to change dates for anchor drafts. Biggest takeaways: 🌸I had ugly feelings regarding a friend (sort of), but I was brave enough to to tell him about them. 🌸I leaned on some friends who gave perspective. 🌸An ex was peaved, but said your feelings are ok to feel. 🌸No bridges were burned. 🌸I didn't lose a friendship. 🌸The person I am seeing knows a little more about the things I have been worrying about. (Ps he knows about the excursion; #transparency.) 🌸I am glad I am able to label and itemize (someone else's word, not mine) my feelings. I was experiencing envy after an excursion with a friend. I have been exploring alt structured relationship models with friends in such relationships. The last friend We got to know each other more intimately emotionally and physically, but I ended up feeling envious of the connection he has with his partner and moreover that I do not have that connection with him. Not to say that I don't value our friendship. I was experiencing feelings I didn't expect and also felt pretty horrible having. The past few weeks (I am bad at math, I think it's been two ish weeks) have been physically exhausting. Dad's birthday lunch is exhausting because I physically feel drained after family events. After the lunch is when I realized my feelings. Also, before my cycle lands everything is emotionally intensified. I knew logically this wasn't that bad but it FELT VERY INTENSE. I am mid cycle now and, even though I was crying a lot yesterday not necessarily about this envy feeling, I feel much better and wanted to do this episode with the feelings still fresh but with me mostly OUTSIDE of them. I felt horrid. The emotions were ugly. Even though I didn't exactly find a strategy. I found a limit/boundary. I wish I was mature enough to watch their cute couple stuff in an ig story but yea no I can't and I acknowledge that is pretty shitty. But I discovered a limit. And we all have different limits and what we can handle. I can control what media I chose to consume. Pps I was about to delete a bunch of apps and decided not to. Have been adjusting notifications for a while (discord is always busy. Not mine but others' lol) and that likely added to my anxiousness. I guess for all of us going through something Maybe there is no real strategy And you have to wait For the feelings to pass Or flow through you Like a breeze Or a storm. I think that's ok too. But reaching out and asking for help For perspective Suggestions Advice We are all more similar than we seem to think. Thanks for listening to me reflect on this (for me) horribly emotionally and physically draining experience. I am glad I can see my feelings better now. Maybe it made you feel better? Have a good day Try a soundbath!

More minimizing. For real this time. Why? I am living the scenario, "if you had to hand wash clothing and linens, would you have as much or would you let go of some stuff?" I am in the "let go" camp for this one. Also, it's interesting that washing machines have prop 65 warnings and even more interesting when you DM or email companies asking about what is it that might cause cancer or other reproductive harm, they tell you to refer to the prop 65 website. It isn't the most useful website. https://www.p65warnings.ca.gov/products-places Why can't they just tell us what the chemical is and what kind of exposure to said chemical 'could cause cancer, birth defects, or other reproductive harm.' A washing machine did not fall into any of those categories. Anyway, as this is likely the last audiodiary entry of 2019, I wanted to list recommended books/audiobooks and podcasts that I enjoyed and/or played/read more than three times. I am currently listening to Tony Robbins' Money: Master The Game. I def have to listen a few times to have it really sink in, but it makes the topics of money and retirement more approachable and less intimidating. Also, Molly Burke's It's Not What It Looks Like. A differently abled young woman living in a ableist world. If you thought you had a good grasp on accessibility it might open your mind to challenges you may not have even thought of. She is funny, bright, and real. I love when authors narrate their books. I bought both the audio and digital copy of The Try Guys' The Hidden Power Of Fucking Up. It was on heavy rotation for a while. Digital copy has cute photos of the guys. The Minimalists' Essential. I am probably not correctly citing these books. (One of the Minimalists, Joshua Fields Millburn, offers writing workshops to help folks find their writing style, but I think about citing now that I am writing recommendations on books and podcasts). The Minimalists, Paula Pant's Afford Anything, NPR's Wait Don't Tell Me, NPR's It's Been A Minute, The Artist Athlete, and Hideaway Circus are podcasts I always enjoy. Other audio books on the list: Adam Grant's Power Moves, Gabriel Wyner's Fluent Forever, Chris Voss' Never Split The Difference. Book I haven't quite pushed past the intro but very interested in: Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton's The Ethical Slut (3rd edition). I highly value minimalism, zero-waste, creativity, aerial, realness, accessibility, meaningful relationships, personal growth and personal finance. Thanks for listening to the audio diary. We will continue in 2020. Til then I hope we all keep on keepin' on in our personal journeys. Stay hydrated!

Vegas happened basically right after Dallas. Talking about blues grass band The Dead South, doing Vegas somewhat affordably, heart health and THANKSGIVING. Aside from history I hope we take a pause and think about what we are thankful for vs what we don't have. I am grateful for the opportunity to hang out with Momo and see a band she loves and learn about The Dead South and Blue Grass via experience. We weren't able to see Le Rêve, Atomic Saloon, Miss Behave Gameshow, Absinthe, Zumanity, or Opium but you can only do so much in so many evenings. Let's be real. I am human, not bionic lol. We had a great time, got to stroll along the strip with beers in tow, and enjoyed each other's company. That is what holidays and traveling with friends is about. Togetherness. Having fun together. Learning new things about each other. Rolling with each others quirks. So grateful. Thanks for listening to my ramblings and experiences. I hope they give you a different perspective, a few chuckles, or both. Thank You! See you next episode! Ps this one is pretty long.

Personal finance youtube videos, moderate frugality, minimalistic approaches to budgeting, personal finance, and travel. Am I still paring down? Yes. Did I notice the Marie Kondo merch? Yes. Maybe she just likes tuning forks and crystals, y'all. I was a huge fan of rose quartz as a kid. Did I recently buy stuff? Yes. Base layers and rain pants. Xmas is covered, Base layers, rain pants, Laphroig Select, and the Vegas trip. In Dallas recording from my homie's couch, plans totally didn't go the way I had hoped, but tickets to a concert were resold so yay. Jay Park is #Sexy4Eva tour or not Hopefully m I will see him next time. Reselling tickets is stressful, especially when you didn't purchase the tickets. This week of travel is going to ruin how I eat usually ie like IDK how the food is sourced and also eating lots of pre packaged foods. I see a naturopath and keeping this in mind for my next visit in January because lots of things show up in my body scans. I purchased travel insurance for the Vegas trip. People say don't but I am flying with an airline where we got stranded for a day when we shouldn't have had any issues. We bought our tickets and the airline over sold the tickets. We missed the connecting flight due to this and no one told us where the gate was for the connecting flight. Today I am hanging with a college friend in Dallas and my GodCat Shinji and in Vegas I will be hanging with a college friend from Canada. Her and I met at our exchange program in Korea. First trip away from her kids since they were born so I am really hoping she has THE best time. We were messaging each other acknowledging we are having issues packing going out clothes. Me it's more like I have one bag. Do I WANT to being heels? Also, I learned last time: makeup isn't as necessary. Like, I thought it was like in Asia everyone wears their makeup and I felt the need to wear makeup. Then our trip happened for Big Bang and it just didn't seem like it helped more if we did or hurt us if we didn't. Sooo maybe no makeup? Maybe just lashes and lips? Idk? The rain pants I returned to REI are the Talusphere S Petite And bought the XeroDryGTX XS Petite. (I prefer the lining) Realized A lot of personal finance gurus/icons are very approachable human beings. Going to look up some audiobooks (I commute a lot) Look up Annie Margarita Yang "How To Save Money On Low Income" She goes into the why and offers solutions/methods.

Found an amazing article titled, "From Hoarder to Minimalist in 27,478 Insanely Hard Steps." I love articles about a person's journey and not just lists of what to do with out why. She has the why she has questions she asked herself to get to a toss or keep answer for herself. Step 4 of the Listicle. I read part of her question walk through. And further, you can apply this to memories that you maybe do not have good vibes from. Honestly I find it amazing. I LOVE IT. So happy I found this article. Did I give it applause? HECK YES. ALL THE APPLAUSE. Do I want to print the questions and tape it all over the walls!? YES. I wanted to share if people want a useful resource/exercise. https://medium.com/@jessibowtf/from-hoarder-to-minimalist-in-27-478-insanely-hard-steps-bbf12397981e?source=linkShare-14659ee706d9-1571792091

Very first: sorry for the pops. I was speaking directly into the mic. Sorry! Things I need to elaborate on or didn't happen in the episode: dad has Parkinson. I went to social media for assistance as I have no knowledge base and two friends came In with GREAT resources. I can't copy and paste but for those seeking there is a Houston Area Parkinson Society and the United Way of Greater Houston has links to support groups for care givers and receivers with Me tal and Behavioral health challenges. I feel my parents don't care enough a out their health. They have resources to be able to make small actionable steps into habits that improve their quality of life. But Dad doesn't do oral and written exercises that have been suggested. Reason being: it makes him feel dumb. He takes people's time and effort for granted when they make time to help him. His pride gets in the way. What is pride when you can't stand on your own two feet? He was able to stand and walk on his own in 2014. The past few years his health has greatly waned. Part is him and not wanting to try. Part is mom. A lot is their lifetime of not great eating and exercise habits (or lack thereof). Things compound over time. A lifetime of poor eating and activity adds up. I want them to care more about themselves, their mental health, their diet, and being more active in spite of it being difficult. Our friend passed. He was proactive about his challenge (diabetes), was active DAILY, Cared so much about his friends and their businesses, and also himself. Yet he still passed. It bothers me when someone is taking charge of their health, doing what they can to improve their quality of life, and is overall a really wonderful human and they pass away. There are so many folks out there that don't try or don't care enough. I want my parents to care more. To TRY. People do not change for others. Rom-coms lie, ya'll. I knew this as a 16 year old: people change for themselves. People change because they DESIRE change. They have to want it for themselves.

So obviously I wanted to do this closer to say, June versus it now being the cusp of August. Maybe not so obvious, but I really wanted to! Main inspo being my mom taking Dad to the hospital and today not being a day they had a check up. Me throwing out kabocha I think tasted off because of my own human error in prep. A charge on the one card I have that is pending but shouldn't even be pending in the first place because it should have not even been authorized. Finances: pretty rad. Supporting my artist friends and fandoms monthly even if it is tiny amounts. I believe in sustainable support. I spend up to 150 in groceries a month (up to), I can support people I believe in monthly for a few bucks. Mentally in a good place. Seeing my parents and trying to find support groups for mobility and senior care on facebook of all places because reddit has nothing for this. Streaming more on twitch and hoping to meet requirements for partner. Hoping everyone finds sustainable habits to prolong the best quality of life for themselves. We all age. But we can try to live our best lives for as long as possible. Health is so important. Mental, physical, all of it. I hope we all do what we can to adjust to life changes and have the best quality of life. Cheers everybody! I'll see you next time!

I realized I was clearing my throat a lot during this recording. I was probably still getting over it. So I lost my voice for four days. I was freaking out. That was a big part of me not recording lol. I had never lost my voice for that long. Meal prep: there were things showing up in my bio scan at the naturopath I am seeing. Due to that I decided to eat even cleaner. For example, the organic chicken thing. I know, I know. Here is more info on organic chicken: https://foodprint.org/eating-sustainably/food-label-guide/food-label-guide-chicken/usda-organic-chicken/. And better labels to look for when purchasing chicken in the us in general: https://foodprint.org/eating-sustainably/food-label-guide/food-label-guide-chicken/?gclid=CjwKCAjwr8zoBRA0EiwANmvpYJ5S_m18SmXLyqVPAyZED-dSb5GaWYoAe6Y7O3SmJXYbL_AGnChvfBoCoEsQAvD_BwE. Seafood: https://www.ftc.gov/sites/default/files/documents/public_comments/guides-use-environmental-marketing-claims-project-no.p954501-00152%C2%A0/00152-56693.pdf. Specifically what I was going by when looking for salmon: https://www.seafoodwatch.org/seafood-recommendations/groups/mackerel?type=atlantic&location=imported#tab=seafood-watch. If you are interested in my #zeroishwaste journey I have a twitter @zeroishwastelyf, instagram @myzeroishwastelife, youtube myzeroishwastelife, and domain myzeroishwastelife.com. Admittedly I will be more communicative via instagram if you want to reach out. Thanks for listening! Until next time! (I will upload within the next two weeks instead of two months). 🤞🏼

So I do live a more minimal/zero-ish waste lifestyle. I have been really good about what I do and do not bring into my life: products mostly, people included. But that doesn't mean I don't ever want STUFF. My birthday is coming up and I have curbed the enthusiasm for a ball gown. That is an actual problem I have. I like ballgowns on my birthday. I want a lunya silk gown and robe, shaquda body brushes, leahlani face products. But I keep it in check. The lunya robe and dress would be about 5 days of work if I made 100usd/day. Or like 5 external hard drives. I usually reframe in hard drives or microphones lol. Or fitness equipment. Like stall bars range 300-500usd, an indoor aerial rig is 300-700usd ish, and a lyra is usually 300-500usd when I look. So is the silk worth it right now? No. Is it worth it generally speaking? YES. Do I still want it? YES. Can I wait? Obviously, yes. I am focused on my debt, funding my roths, getting that credit score up, and minimizing my possessions. I need to get that emergency fund up, too. My dad is improving but definitely the unplanned situation from last week and my dad's condition make me really think about how I am lacking in emergency funds. I have dresses I can wear for birthday shenanigans. I don't feel deprived. I am doing things for me. People sometimes don't understand my schedule and how much time I don't have for other things/people. But just because I lack a lot of free time doesn't mean I feel depraved or have fomo. If I prioritize you I see value in you and your company. For those who don't see the value in what you are trying to accomplish in your life: maybe they are not worth your time. If they don't give a fuck about the shit you are trying to accomplish, they aren't paying your bills or living your life. You are living Your life. No one else. People that give you shit about trying to improve yourself probably aren't real friends. Let's try to be compassionate and empathetic to others and ourselves. Thanks for reading/listening! I am @bellinissima at twitter/twitch/discord/instagram. See ya soon!

I have been gone off the podcast for two weeks. What happened? Three bills were paid off. Woot! 🔥 Again, I have a long way to go with my credit, but Yay for progress, ya'll. I was thinking about "theming" my days. I remembered it mentioned in a podcast as well as an instagram post I made in attempts to create clever hashtags to essentially theme my days. I also remember my friend Fae writing me to create a schedule for my Dad to help him "know what to look forward to." I remembered the patterns I have noticed, eating habits, shopping habits, work out habits, and made a schedule for myself. It took a lot of time up front, and my schedule is less erratic now that I don't pick up a bunch of random gigs anymore, but I am glad I have less to think about. I have something to refer to to keep me on top of my schedule. Like a way to measure if I am taking too long showering or grocery shopping, etc. I feel like this is a good exercise. It helped me see what little time I have for other people and other people's bullshit. Like visually see what little time there is for other people. I don't feel it is limiting. I am focusing on the things I care about and want/need to do for myself to grow and become stronger (meditation and workouts for example). I am aligning my daily life with what I am about. Or trying to be about. Big Ups to my Homie Fae for making me more aware with her advice and suggestions throughout life. 🙏🏽 And everything she and her family have done for myself and my parents.

I have a long way to go. If you thought of the Cassie song, me too. Just thought about it. Went from 40k ish to now 14k ish. Of course there were missed payments along the way, various aprs, etc. I was juggling multiple payments on multiple days. Monthly. It was mentally exhausting and just added all sorts of anxiety. The feeling of drowning/suffocating in debt and the juxtaposition of the world carrying on in spite of my situation was constant. And then I found help. I got on a debt management program. And now there are less payments to juggle monthly. Basically no strange numbers calling incessantly all 24h of the day. I have peace of mind and I am slaying that debt! I was not sure of getting on a debt management program at first. I had heard of programs many times and it felt like a program that was being sold to me, like something I might not need and might be not legit. I was introduced to one and was still apprehensive. It took me a while to fully commit. And yea it sucks. Admitting that you made poor decisions to a stranger. Later realizing maybe if I chose this strategy earlier I would not have felt so awful for so long or I may have made way more leeway into my debt. Being transparent about ALL the debt. I was ashamed. In hindsight how I got into this mess was so dumb. So on top of the multi payments (pre debt management program), the phone anxiety, the overall feeling that people were after me, there was that shame I was harboring. So not only payment wise, but mentally I have also come a long way. So I feel for people that feel ashamed of their debt. How they landed in it, how it feels in it, the drowning/suffocating feeling, depression, anxiety. I get it. There is help. And we are the hardest on ourselves. Shit happens. The main thing is to learn from it and figure out a strategy to better ourselves and situation (without causing harm). Basic takeaway: I flushed out one bill of multiple. I celebrated with Snoopy happy dance gifs. I didn't bake a cake, go out for a fancy dinner, buy a ballgown, or set off fireworks. Staying in line with trying to save more in order to put what a save towards extra payments, I cooked a lot lol. So I have food for the week and possibly into next week. (I made a LOT of salad 🥗.) From the beginning of this debt to where I am today I changed my attitude towards money and how I interact with it. I keep lots of reflexes in check. I keep goals in mind before purchases. Like, is this thing worth xx hours of my freedom? Bc time is money. Is this thing worth xx hours of my time/money? The debt management program helped put my mind at ease. In addition to the debt management program, I also set up additional ACHs to four creditors for five different bills either weekly or bi-monthly. And for those who noticed I mentioned a podcast with actionable steps to help improve your financial life in 2019: Paula Pant of Afford Anything (website and podcast) is an awesome human. And her Dec 31 2018 podcast is really great. 💪🏽🔥 I just heard this episode for the first time last week so I am going to start going through the list! Link to that particular episode: https://affordanything.com/169-one-tweak-a-week-in-2019-easy-improvements-to-your-financial-life-in-2019/ 🌸👋🏼Let's be good to each other and especially to ourselves and I'll see you guys later! Pps as of this moment the best way to contact me is instagram.

So I made a promise to myself to take better care of myself. Skin, physical health, overall health. Admittedly, I am heavily focused on skin care. Been able to stick with more natural ingredients without compromising too much. Anyway. Part of that is becoming physically stronger, because being bendy isn't just about the stretching. You have to be strong enough to support yourself. I decided to take advantage of a park I live walking distance from (if I have time for a leisurely stroll lol, which I did that day), and the fact that they have some gym equipment indoors. I did my workout. Stretching, some machines, no rollers so I have yet to properly roll myself out. Idk where my roller went! D: Weighed myself. Thought about it but did it anyway. Still disagree with what it told me. I don't weigh myself Bc it can turn into a weird obsession with me And me constantly disagreeing with a device. But the thing is my goals are not weight based. I want to be stronger and bendier. I just know I sit usually around 120-122lbs so like 55kg ish. And I doubt I gained muscle weight any time recently. Or "happy weight" for that matter, since I am single lol. I walked in light rain, worked out attempting to wait out rain, but ultimately walked in the rain in my UNBEKNOWNST to me: ragged shoes lol Went home took a nice bath and mused over the coming week. I get to see Cirque Du Soleil's Luzia TWICE. Pps by the time this is uploaded (which is a week after the recording) Some of the acts were different and I had never seen slack line performed until two days ago. Happy Valentine's Day! I was really glad bestie enjoyed it! 🥰😊 I was a bit worried especially since she bought the tickets. It was a late birthday/xmas/빼빼로/Valentine's Day/white day/black day (these are real, please google) gift 🎁 💝 White day https://us.jnto.go.jp/blog/valentines-day-white-day-in-japan/ Black day https://www.reuters.com/article/us-blackday/black-day-for-love-big-day-for-noodles-idUSSEO18852320080414 Main takeaway 🌸Bubble baths are great 🌸Baths in general are great 🌸Meditation can happen anywhere 🌸You don't need to be in a certain place 🌸NO ONE has time for self care/meditation/working out/meal prep But it just has to happen You have to carve out that time. We need to enrich ourselves. And baths are relaxing: We are all super stressed! Yes it is a bit wasteful with water and heat But I think something like a thirty minute soak does more for oneself than it hurts the checkbook. Take care of yourself. You are the only one who can take care of you at the end of the day. Self sufficiency is something not everyone can or will do. Some people outright refuse. But it is definitely sexy.😊 So as I finish my drawn out 1h+ long solo #ValentinesDay lunch before work lol 🍣🍚🍵 Love yourself first Let's be good to each other And to ourselves Thanks for listening! Even more thanks if you read this lol I'll see you next week! Love, appreciation, and gratitude can be celebrated everyday. If you are mad about singles awareness: Go out in the world And let someone know how much you appreciate them in your life. Or your dog, fish, plushies, etc.

This episode is a bit more ranty than the last few. So just a heads up. I have been working on making myself, I guess for lack of a better way to say it, a more optimal me. I have been googling foods beneficial for skincare and flexibility as those are my target areas. I am not trying to loose weight. And even though flexibility is a lot to do with physical conditioning, diet assists with that. Like anti inflamitories may be good things to look into. I rub just about everything in Tumeric anyway though, lol. I think I am not the only one who window shops for things they think they need to achieve goals. Although some things may aid in the journey (like crash mats or mats in general for exercise) I had to think about what I had already that could be used. This is not just for the fitness situation. When you apply for jobs you have to recall all your experiences and abilities. If you feel you are lacking usually you read, get training, find a mentor, etc. to bridge that gap. Based on what you can do now and what you have access to, you find a strategy to get to that next step. I was looking at what I have now. I searched for "Japanese diet" for skincare and based on blog posts I decided I to add more seaweed to my diet. I still have hijiki, which I use in soups. I have nori. I will eat that up and then focus on not seasoned seaweed. (I want to stay away from anything that may have salt added). I have matcha. I will drink at least one cup a day. I have been waking up earlier and going to sleep easier. I will set aside an hour window and do some stretching a few days a week. I felt the difference between lots of hydration and sub par hydration. I drink more water now. It took that day after drinking lots of water: where I barely drank water- to realize the difference. Some posts suggest take baths regularly. I usually shower but I can add a bath here and there. I actually love baths. Very relaxing. A lot of little things I can do today. I don't have to go buy more. I have been window shopping and holding stuff in the virtual cart, sure. But, I have been doing a lot with what I have. I hope we can all get super real with ourselves and figure out what we can do with what we have: skills, experience, insight, objects. Let's try our best to be kind to each other, the planet, and ourselves! Thanks and see you next time!

Streaming the other day was successful. No fuckboys or weird harassing comments. Weird and freaking awesome! Shoutouts to Ranma0005 for dropping into the stream btw. And he runs a tournament called Texas Showdown. If you play fighting games: def need to hop on that and register. Also if you like dbz you can follow him. Zendaisushi and wyld7 are bros from eme and biff is one of my convention bros and mac was a viewer retained from last week! So happy you all came by to chat. Also Kuya wes! Being more conscious of my skin and decided this year we are going to be better about taking care of my skin. Also learning and growing in knowledge applicable to streaming and investing into my IRA accounts. Hope we are all learning and growing. Not all of our goals are going to be similar to others. What matters is we do stuff for ourselves that enriches ourselves without hurting others or ourselves. If you are wondering about the spelling of the spa I went to it is akyish. They are pretty active on ig. And the facial at the time of this recording was $85 before tip btw

I am very aware of my ignorance. I have started asking some friends about what they are doing, and some regulars I feel close enough to to ask. It seems we are all similarly ignorant and not comfortable starting the conversation. Possibly because of our ignorance and not really sure of how to start a conversation or what to google. So before I recorded the body of this pensieve, I was feeling very uncomfortable still. I really had no idea of where to start and what to google. I had, here and there, googled terms I had heard from "The Stacking Benjamins Show" podcast. All in hopes of trying to expand my horizons and learn some stuff. Some of the stuff I googled, the jargon wasn't absorbing. I was annoyed I wasn't understanding the stuff I was looking up. But I have recently, in these first three weeks of 2019, looked up Paula Pant's blog. She is a guest on "The Stacking Benjamins Show" and has her own podcast, "Afford Anything." (Also, for the circus/aerial/artists out there she was a guest on "The Artist Athlete podcast.") I looked up the blog, signed up for the free pdf, started digging around, but yesterday I opened an email from her. "[Day 6 of 7] -- I Don’t Know How to Invest and I’m Afraid of Making Expensive Mistakes." Now, reading that doesn't make me an overnight genius. And I don't magically understand everything, bc near the end I wasn't absorbing that material, but I did understand better. And now I know exactly why I am very much in a Roth vs a Traditional IRA. It is a few baby steps in the right direction of educating myself. So I guess the takeaway is, for those of us who basically haven't thought (a lot) about retirement and are thinking about what that really means money wise as well as visualizing what everyday life will look like, better late than never. #CantStopWontStop. You have to think about it. We all do. Outside of money, what do you want to do everyday? Is it a sustainable lifestyle? Do you have enough for unexpected medical needs? Again, I have seen a wide range of 70+. My parents have a lot going on. Idk if this is a mirror, foreshadowing, or maybe I will be ok since I have fairly ok health imho. We share genetics so obviously I worry. I need to set financial goals or milestones. I need to get more educated. And I need to keep going. I can do it. You can too.

So, first off, HAPPY 2019! We made it! I will include what I purchased in the description. Ps keep in mind I obvi didn't fit all this stuff in a bag. I wore my jacket, only had one pair of boots. I bought the Ethique samplers but at the end decided instead of all three samplers, I chose a face soap, shampoo, and conditioner and packed it in a tin. I also broke a little piece of feminine soap and placed it in the tin. Spoiler alert I purchased a $300 jacket but decided to return it because it didn't explicitly say it was windproof. By luck I found a 3-1 jacket from Marmot and express shipped it. That is the one listed below in my list of purchases. Layer situation most days: base layer pants, fleece tights, windproof pants, for the bottom. heattech bra, base layer top, merino top jacket OR heattech bra top, base layer, merino base layer top, jacket. I did many returns. So this whole thing has been a lot of time invested in getting clothing that performs. I would rather pay up front to ensure my warmth and comfort than pay on the back end with cough meds, days not working and making income, and doctors visits. Seeing that the weather is still 30F to 66F in the same day somedays, purchases are still getting a lot of use. I still sleep in the thermals. Still going through the Ethique sampler. This list doesn't include stuff I had before the trip, like my deodorant paste, my Hesta menstrual cup, and my Thinx period panties (which I have gushed about in a previous episode for ladies curious about them) as I was anticipating my cycle. And my Hello Kitty Hat. Yea I spent a lot. My ticket was WAY less than all the stuff I bought to ensure I didn't freeze to death. Yes, about a 1000USD+ if we include tax and shipping. Proof that everything adds up lol. That doesn't include the time I spent hunting all this stuff down. Here is the list: Costco Kid thermal set 6.99 + tax (x2) Adult thermal top 6.99 + tax Adult thermal bottom 6.99 + tax Rei 3x Socks and gloves 97.77 Locks 10.77 Jacket 164.03 Rei merino pants 47.69 + tax Rei merino top 47.69 + tax Rei waterproof windproof pants 61.99 + tax Rei silk top 54.07 Sierra Trade Post Merrell Tremblant tall polar waterproof boots 99.99 + tax MiiR 32oz insulated howler 24.99 + tax Uniqlo Heattech sleeveless bra top (x2) 19.99 + tax Alexander Wang heattech bra (x3) 19.99 + tax Amazon Wet bags 12.99 + tax Insulated snow pants (decided not to bring) 29.40 + tax Diaper bag 19.99 + tax Bag sternum strap 5.97 + tax Fleece lined leggings 12.99 + tax Ethique sampler hair 15.50 + tax Ethique sampler face 18.50 + tax Ethique sampler body 16.50 + tax Trader Joe's Argan oil 7.57 Etsy QuUAOrganicHairCare Rose salve and Bergamot facial moisturizer 21.30 ButterMeUpIrganics 2oz sunscreen 10.95 SkinFoodByAB Lavender + honey organic lip balm 14.00 SkinFoodFix Femme soap 5.75 LandofAahsPerfume Yuzu & satsuma and smoke & mirrors 33.75

🚨Spoiler Alert: 3:30-11:45 ish is me praising Thinx and my move from conventional menstrual products to period panties, a cup, and reusable liners. Not in that order btw. I am pretty much Thinx + Hesta (brand) cup all the way. Pps Hesta for whatever reason no longer sells their cup anymore. This trip to NYC (ps at the time of uploading: I just came back last week. I skipped last week's upload bc of work/unpacking) had me really thinking more about multitasking garments. I have always liked multitasking items and utilitarian bags. I have less but I feel not less enough. Ideally I want to be able to up and leave without looking back/having regrets and still have all the things I want/need/love in my bags. Think the large zippered blue/yellow Ikea bags. Like four or less of those. That is the goal. That, And my newly purchased Away carry on. (My stuff *laundry and coffee/snack gifts* expanded on the trip, anticipated that happening.) So I need to get out of my head. Get over it. And really think about what matters/is useful. What serves me and my current lifestyle. I don't need all the things I have. And I want to have them responsibly recycled if they cannot be bought or repurposed.