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Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet
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Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet

Author: Alex and Christine Schiefer

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A comedy podcast featuring dramatic readings of one-star reviews written by real people with not-so-real problems.
133 Episodes
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This episode is sponsored by corporations that would probably not approve of our content. Just kidding, it's sponsored by the holy trinity of luxury: Gucci, FedEx, and UPS. Check out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
While we set the bar merely a millimeter above the ground, you can't deny this is the absolute BEST podcast hosted by siblings with the last name Schiefer! Check out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Or are they private dicks? Regardless, we're scared of them almost as much as we are of the idea that there won't be a Santa Clause 4 #TimAllenForSC4 Check out our new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
101: Autumnal Reviews

101: Autumnal Reviews

2020-11-0401:08:401

This week we explore our new favorite place to find reviews: QVC. It inspires Alex to start his campaign to become one of their next presenters, and it inspires Christine to start writing her new screenplay Alvin and the Chipmunks: After Dark.  Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
We did the unthinkable! We made it to 100 episodes. Take a horrifying stroll down memory lane with us as we revisit the funniest, most cringe-worthy reviews we've read thus far.  Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
99: Halloween Reviews

99: Halloween Reviews

2020-10-2159:552

WARNING: CONTAINS SEXY STUFF. Which basically just means we talk about Charlie Brown and Spooky Buddies. Please be safe this Halloween season and don't summon Satin and keep your wife away from lovely yellow minions.  Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Hey ghostie, bring that thicc smoky body this way ;) Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Welcome to Asparagus: Fully Plucked, where we provide educational agriculture content to all members of Pat's Kingdom. So sit back, roll a rug in a bug, and enjoy! Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
96: Corn Mazes in Iowa

96: Corn Mazes in Iowa

2020-09-3058:143

Normally since it's his birthday, we'd say 'All hail Xandy!' but we're over here hailing the corn cob cannon king instead. Maybe next year, Xandy. Maybe. Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Watch Alex's 12 hour birthday stream! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
95: Daycares in Indiana

95: Daycares in Indiana

2020-09-2349:323

Thanks for tuning in to episode 1 of Dilbert + Smash Mouth: A Haunting. We hope you enjoy the nonsensical ramblings of a former Indiana model and his M&M loving sister. Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
You give podcasters a listen, you feed them a meal. Teach podcasters to steal listens, they probably get kicked off their platform. This made slightly more sense with apple sauce...  Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
93: Malls in New Jersey

93: Malls in New Jersey

2020-09-0957:534

Well this was a weird one, so I'm not sure what to say here. Something something IKEA gnomes and bread bowls. Y'all know. Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Christine and Alex, the scum of the earth, are back to discuss communism, Kafka, and The Parking Enforcement Agenda (PEA). Christine also throws curses around like they're nothing, so we're sorry in advance if we ruin your life. Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Hey all you naughty gulls, thanks for tuning in to Christine's National Convention. She has only one platform: Eradicate All Ocean Worms. Please don't vote for her.  Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
90: Small Towns in Ohio

90: Small Towns in Ohio

2020-08-1957:345

We're going through our lives as a couple of dunk clowns: We think too highly of ourselves and we laugh at our own jokes.  Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Need more of life's sweet substance? We got you covered. We're back with another episode where we read reviews that you found and sent in to us! Email us at beachtoosandy@gmail.com with the subject "Between You And Us" and you might be featured in next month's episode! Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops.
89: Lighthouses in Maine

89: Lighthouses in Maine

2020-08-1255:125

After years of perfecting our popsicle stick versions of episode 89, we've finally released the finished product. In this episode, we read reviews of lighthouses worthy of Steven King's editor. So sit down, heat up your beans, and enjoy the episode. But before you listen, heed this warning: sexy stuff. Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
Welcome to rush week! There's only one option and it's They-ta They-ta They-ta. And everyone is invited to join! The only hazing will be us forcing you to watch Ants With No Pants on DVD. Welcome! Get 15% off your merch order with coupon code TOOSANDY now! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
If you're wondering what Jimmy Fingers is up to, he's using those fingers of his to go to https://www.raicestexas.org/ways-to-give/bond-fund/ to donate to the RAICES Texas Bond Fund! They are a nonprofit agency that promotes justice by providing free and low-cost legal services to underserved immigrant children, families, and refugees.  Get 15% off your merch order with coupon code TOOSANDY now! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
We're back with possibly the most garrulous podcast in existence. Are we using that right? Anyway, help Christine reach her goal of terminal velocity and help Alexander reach his goal of man spreading all over the internet. We promise the experience will be anything but lugubrious! Ok, no, that definitely can't be right. Where's my thesaurus... Subscribe to Alex's YouTube channel to watch his Joe Exotic transformation! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyamOY_uT2j3KM_wDCOSLNQ Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet  Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app
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Justin Govas

the idiot probably meant insinuated

Aug 27th
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Justin Govas

ah runescape. the nostolgia!

Aug 21st
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Eugenia

I don't listen to this podcast for political views or your neurosis over covid 19. I listen to get away from all that and have a few laughs. Can we please just get back to having fun?

Aug 10th
Reply

Candice Sirak

please make "you do you, with who you want to do you with" a shirt

Aug 10th
Reply

Bianca G

Oh and regarding the oyster po-boy... Oysters are harvested in Biloxi. Not New Orleans. This is the laziest podcast on the internet.

Aug 3rd
Reply

Bianca G

How do you create a podcast without knowing how to pronounce the name of the city? And you shouldn't make fun of the name. A 3-second Google search would've told you "Biloxi" is the name of the original Native American tribe who inhabited the area. And who hasn't heard of Harrah's? That corporation has been around forever. First casino I visited was Harrah's Lake Tahoe in the '80s. Btw, Scarlet Pearl isn't located in Biloxi, it's located in D'Iberville but these two probably can't pronounce that, either.

Aug 3rd
Reply (1)

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Eris Pursley

This episode made me laugh so hard.

Jul 29th
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Mel Gonzales

Barbie is Fox's companion with the heels in his pictures 😭

Jul 24th
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Jill Rietman Wood

stupid podcast don't waste your time

Jul 15th
Reply (1)

Justin Govas

Ik you guys won't see this. But thanks for stating central time as well! almost no one does

Jul 9th
Reply

oh Jojo

After being riculed from age seven for using the word y'all, first when we moved to New Jersey for a couple of years, then by my southern peers, I stuck it out for a word I liked. Then to my bag of mixed emotions at hearing it trending now and for all the excellent reasons of gender neutrality! Awesome! Not trending because of hokey comics!

Jul 3rd
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