CAOS

In this video and podcast, Alan discusses how reference to the 'bystander effect' doesn't apply to bullying allegations because bullying is a subjective experience, seen by 'bystanders' in different ways, without necessarily seeing a clear 'perpetrator/victim' interaction, unlike for the usual application of the idea for crimes and other more clearly distinguished situations.  While many do not see bullying as subjective, particularly if they feel they have been a victim of it, it is unlikely that all 'bystanders' will agree or perhaps even notice, unlike for a more clearly noticeable event like a crime or murder in which the Bystander Effect was originally identified. The damaging outcome of applying such an idea can also mean people who feel bullied then feel betrayed by those nearby and thus more isolated when it is an unrealistic expectation to have in the first place that all present will notice such events happening, and further still, interpret them in the same way. This is the article Alan is referring to in the video: https://theconversation.com/bullying-why-most-people-do-nothing-when-they-witness-it-and-how-to-take-action-181746 This is the YouTube video of the original podcast.  Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html  Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html  Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/  Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com Books and ebooks:   How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221  CREDITS  Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

In this video and podcast Alan comments on the prevalence of many support services that are described as 'client-led' or 'person-centred' but in practice are not.  Often the priority focus is on fulfilling system outcome targets or practitioner agendas or both and the client's experience of the process is secondary. One of the ways this is de-prioritised is in the approaches to measurement of the 'success' or effectiveness of the service which will often also be system or practitioner defined and decided 'for' the client or 'about' them and their qualitative experience of the process is not considered. Alan outlines in the video the many ways in which this important distinction shows up. To watch the YouTube video of this podcast visit this link: https://youtu.be/ycxGMpyJ4RU Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html  Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html  Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/  Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com Books and ebooks:   How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221  CREDITS  Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

In this podcast I am joined again by Melloney Guiver, The HR Lawyer, to discuss psychological safety at work, in particular the many crossovers between the 'ethos' of some approaches to mediation and the themes and intentions of promoting psychological safety at work, as particularly highlighted by the work of Amy Edmondson and Timothy Clarke. If you'd like to watch the YouTube video of this podcast please go to this link: https://youtu.be/TgXOWdvIJkk Chapter headings as follows:  00:00 Introductions to mediators and establishment of topics for discussion within the theme of Psychological Safety at Work   07:30 Themes for discussion: Where some models of mediation and the ethos of psychological safety 'meet'; Diversity and Inclusion - how mediation practices and a psychologically 'safe' experience of workplaces can support useful discussions in these areas; The link between effective health and safety support and whether. the approach is 'parent-child' or 'adult-adult'. 09:05 Where mediation and psychological safety 'meet' 28:40 Health and Safety and Welfare at Work - policies, implementation. Relevance to Psychological Safety at Work. 42:40 Diversity and Inclusion - how mediation practices and a psychologically 'safe' experience of workplaces can support useful discussions in these areas. 54:15 On to a broader discussion about various aspects relating to the 3 main themes. 01:00:35 The delusion that a manager or leader should have the skills and capacities to 'give' or 'deliver' psychological safety 'to' staff and how that 'parent-child' expectation means such beliefs will inhibit its development in a workplace. 01:21:30 Review of topics and end... Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html  Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html  Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/  Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com  Books and ebooks:  How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221  CREDITS  Outro Music:  All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200 Song: Gently, Onwards Artist ELPHNT : Album: Gently, Onwards : Licensed to YouTube by: YouTube Audio Library

WHAT IS EFFECTIVE ACTIVE LISTENING?  How to practise effective active listening.  This podcast explores the importance and application of EAL in 3 main areas:  1. Effective Active Listening for supporting conflict resolution  2. Effective Active Listening for supporting people with mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, and other challenges  3. The relevance of Effective Active Listening for Psychological Safety at Work - how interactions that support and promote psychological safety at work can include an awareness of what constituted effective active listening. The video of this podcast has some visual annotations so if you would like to watch it on youtube this is the link: https://youtu.be/gij5VlRPq80 Please share your thoughts and questions in the comments section.    Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html  Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html  Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/  Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com  Books and ebooks:  How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.  Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 CREDITS  Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Why psychological safety requires an ‘adult-adult’ approach and not ‘parent-child’.   In this video and podcast, Alan discusses the risks to an environment of psychological safety at work when the approach taken is a 'parent-child' one. He outlines features of commentaries that he has come across that can imply people at work start with a 'blank slate', having no real conception or awareness of their own capacity for developing their own psychological safety at work.  But people will always bring their own awareness and capacities for this whether they label it as psychological safety or not and so to use an approach that can suggest it has to be 'created for' employees and team members rather than for them to develop and grow it for themselves, together, as peers is akin to a 'parent-child' approach rather than an 'adult-adult' one.    Alan looks at two ways in which he has seen this and characterises them as 'the blank slate' idea and the  'It's organic, not linear' critique.  This is the link to the video interview referred to at 4:15 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5O-CbvTfcqk  Please share your thoughts and questions in the comments section.    Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.  He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html  Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html  Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/  Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com  Books and ebooks:   How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221  CREDITS  Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Listening Skills to Support People with Mental Health Challenges. Are You Witnessing or Assessing?   In this video and podcast Alan talks about the distinction between listening to people who feel vulnerable in order to 'witness' their personal difficulties, possibly mental health challenges, and listening in order to 'assess' them for some further action such as signposting, diagnosing or prescribing.    Both types of listening are important but it's also important for the person being listened to, to understand which they are to experience. There is sometimes a risk that being listened to in order to be 'assessed' can lead people to feel they are losing control of their situation and they are being 'told' or directed to do something as a consequence of their difficulty, and sensitivity to this possibility is important.    Listening as 'witnessing' is providing a respectful 'space' in which they can share their sense of vulnerability or despair or worries without any risk of it being 'taken over' but simply with the intention of giving that person a chance to 'be with themselves' and their difficulties with the support of someone being with them, alongside them but not intervening in any way.   Please share your thoughts and questions in the comments section.    Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.  He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html  Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html  Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/  Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com  Books and ebooks:   How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221  CREDITS Outro Music:  Gently onwards, youtube free music library

How Mediation Skills Promote Psychological Safety at Work – Personal Challenges for Leaders   In this video and podcast Alan outlines two main characterisations of 'psychological safety' by pioneers in the field - Amy Edmondson and Timothy Clark. He then goes on to outline how the mediation skills and practices and 'ethos' would seem to be strongly aligned with optimising the possibilities for psychological safety, even if a 'leader' and team members will not be present as mediators.   Mediation is a process that promotes effective communication and creativity in response to a conflict and while not all teams will have relationship breakdowns in the way that most situations that involve mediation will, the essence of psychological safety would seem to point to the same aim.  If you'd like to watch the YouTube video of this podcast please visit this link: https://youtu.be/_pFXA-xpR28  Please share your thoughts and questions in the comments section.    Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.  He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html  Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html  Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/  Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com  Books and ebooks:   How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221  CREDITS  Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Exploring the 3 ways to Create Psychological Safety at Work – the Role of the Leader   This video and podcast is another in the journey of exploring the concept and implementation of supporting 'psychological safety at work'.  I have based the exploration on Amy Edmondson's description of the 3 main ways in which this can be possible in organisations if leaders can carry through those 3 aspects.   The more I explore the concept of psychological safety at work and the foundations for it being possible that are put forward by Professor Amy Edmondson and others, the more I see many similarities to the underlying thinking and communication practices of mediators and conflict coaches and to the CAOS models of mediation and conflict coaching which are processes designed to support more effective communication and  creativity in response to conflict.    Chapters: 01:10 The content and focus of the video/podcast  02:25 Professor Edmondson's characterisation of Psychological Safety, then moving into the 3 ways that she says leaders can 'create' psychological safety at work  03:50 Introduction to the 3 ways starting with: 1. Frame the work as a learning problem not an execution problem  08:26    2. Acknowledge your own fallibility  10:07.   3. Modelling curiosity - how mediation and conflict coaching practices strongly align with the means by which this is achieved.  12:24  Review of the 3 ways and issues and questions that arise in relation to the actual carrying through and development of them 'in reality'. The language used, such as, can a leader 'create' a feeling of safety for others and what does that capacity imply - a level of dependency that might in itself be 'unsafe'?  17:48 The importance of understanding what are effective questions that support an atmosphere of curiosity and open and 'psychologically safe' discussion. How this links to way no. 1 of 'framing work as a learning problem'.   21:05 What is the 'reality' of Psychological Safety at Work being created? 23:25 Some questions and 'loose ends' to finish off with. Please share your thoughts and questions in the comments section.    Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes and organisational conflict, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.  He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html  Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html  Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/  Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com  Books and ebooks:   How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.  Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221  CREDITS  Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Psychological Safety at Work sounds a GREAT idea!  BUT! Some Questions for Amy Edmondson + others...   Psychological Safety at Work is a concept developed by Amy Edmondson Novartis Professor of Leadership and Management at Harvard Business School. Many of the practices that she says will support the development of a sense of Psychological Safety at work are reflected in mediation skills practices, which is not surprising given that some of the ways Professor Edmondson characterises the concept is 'permission for candour', accepting mistakes or even failure in teams, acknowledging our own fallibility, framing work as a learning problem rather than an execution problem. All of these characterisations resemble the purpose of mediation as a process that supports creativity in response to conflict, seeing it as an opportunity for learning, change and growth.    BUT, in this video and podcast, Alan shares some questions about the 'reality' of being able to create or support psychological safety at work. In much that is said about this concept there remains little about the actual practices and behaviours that leaders and teams and organisations use to introduce it. This risks the possibility that it remains a 'great idea' but does not prove practical to implement without clarity about what these behaviours need to be and why.    There also seems to be a lot of emphasis on 'leaders creating' psychological safety but little about how others also need to be involved in this, and recognition of policies that limit the wider possibilities across an organisation for psychological safety to become part of its culture.    Here is the link to the video on youtube from which this podcast is taken: https://youtu.be/FkWNh8i6oZQ Please share your thoughts and questions in the comments section.    Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html  Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html  Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/  Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com  Books and ebooks:   How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221  CREDITS  Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Mediator/Conflict Coach: How to resolve disputes with neighbours: Podcast 3: It’s long term and entrenched In this video and podcast Alan goes through the typical kind of experiences and 'journey' that someone who has a dispute with their neighbour may follow based on his experiences of working in neighbour mediation for over 15yrs of his time as a Mediator and Conflict Coach in London in the UK. This is the third of 3 videos and podcasts on the topic, designed to address the considerations and challenges that can arise at different stages of the 'life' of a neighbour dispute: Video/Podcast 1: The early stages - this looks at the considerations and experiences people may have at the first/earliest instances of a problem arising.  Link to YouTube video of this: https://youtu.be/uhnJpv3KFMc Video/Podcast 2: It's now a complaint - this video looks at the kinds of issues to consider once the dispute has been formalised into some form of official complaint  - link to the YouTube video of this: https://youtu.be/fDZZ8nFnnrM Video 3/Podcast: It's long term and entrenched - this video looks at the kinds of experiences people may have when a dispute with neighbours has become long term, perhaps 2-3 years or more, even as long as 10 years and the ways in which people may respond and resort to legal processes, or experience or carry out violence or abuse as a result of the stress and frustration - link to the YouTube video of this:  https://youtu.be/utBca020pHg Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com Books and ebooks: The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 CREDITS Outro. Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

How to resolve disputes with neighbours - Podcast 2: It's now a complaint    In this video and podcast Alan goes through the typical kind of experiences and 'journey' that someone who has a dispute with their neighbour may follow based on his experiences of working in neighbour mediation for over 15yrs of his time as a Mediator and Conflict Coach in London in the UK.     This is the second of 3 videos and podcasts on the topic, designed to address the considerations and challenges that can arise at different stages of the 'life' of a neighbour dispute:    Video/Podcast 1: The early stages - this looks at the considerations and experiences people may have at the first/earliest instances of a problem arising.  Link to YouTube video of this: https://youtu.be/uhnJpv3KFMc Video/Podcast 2: It's now a complaint - this video looks at the kinds of issues to consider once the dispute has been formalised into some form of official complaint  - link to the YouTube video of this: https://youtu.be/fDZZ8nFnnrM Video/Podcast 3: It's long term and entrenched   Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk    Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland    Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html    Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html    Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/    Visit the Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com    Books and ebooks:    The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html    How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316    A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221    CREDITS   Outro. Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

How to resolve disputes with neighbours.  Podcast 1: The Early Stages   In this video and podcast, Alan goes through the typical kind of experiences and 'journey' that someone who has a dispute with their neighbour may follow based on his experiences of working in neighbour mediation for over 15yrs of his time as a Mediator and Conflict Coach in London in the UK.    This is the first of 3 videos and podcasts on the topic, designed to address the considerations and challenges that can arise at different stages of the 'life' of a neighbour dispute:    Video/Podcast 1: The early stages - this looks at the considerations and experiences people may have at the first/earliest instances of a problem arising.  (YouTube link if you prefer to see the video: https://youtu.be/uhnJpv3KFMc) Video/Podcast 2: It's now a complaint  Video/Podcast 3: It's long term and entrenched   Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.   He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html  Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html  Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/  Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com  Books and ebooks:  The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html  How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221  CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

This video and podcast identifies how to move forward in debates that have become, or are at risk of becoming a stuck discussion. "WHY ‘I'M RIGHT - YOU'RE WRONG’ prevents debate on important issues from moving on effectively"  looks at the effect of using demonising 'labels' to describe people who we disagree with and how they represent the 'competitive approach' to conflict that never supports effective and useful conflict resolution that leads to learning, change and growth.   Here is the link to the YouTube video if you prefer to watch: https://youtu.be/foPAl1x5cWo Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.  He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  Train in the CAOS Model of Mediation: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/mediation-training-course.html  Train in the CAOS Model of Conflict Coaching: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching-training.html  Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/  Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com  Books and ebooks:  The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html  How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221  CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

In this video and podcast Alan has a discussion with Hannah Fox about the use of mediation in supporting homelessness prevention for young people at risk of having to leave their family home. Hannah Fox is a Psychology graduate who has spent the last 7 years working with young adults in a variety of settings, including residential care homes, schools and in the community. Hannah is a CAOS-trained mediator who currently works at The Bridge, a charity in Leicestershire in the UK, that provides specialist services to support individuals who are homeless or at risk of homelessness. See their website at this link: https://www.thebridge-eastmidlands.org.uk/services/talk2sort  Please share your thoughts and questions about the discussion in the comments section or via email at caos@caos-conflict-management.co.uk   Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.  He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  If you would like Conflict Coaching via Zoom, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html  Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/  Communication and Conflict website: https://www.communicationandconflict.com  Books and ebooks: How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221  CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

In this first video and podcast in our series 'Mediators discuss....' Alan has a conversation with Melloney Guiver - The HR Lawyer - about our respective experiences of working in the area of conflict resolution in workplaces.    Melloney’s work has led her to conclude that the ‘old ways’ of managing employment issues through progressive disciplinary and grievance, procedures, rarely work to resolve them for employer and employee. She is passionate about re-writing these rules to create new ways of people management and this has become part of her work mission.   Alan's experiences of workplace mediation are drawn from 14 years of providing the process, as well as conflict coaching for various public sector and community organisations, particularly in universities but also local authorities and charitable organisations.    The discussion explores various areas of workplace conflict and the often ineffective and counterproductive 'standard' approaches that involve disciplinary and grievance procedures and bullying and harassment policies, often as the only option available to those involved. These can be seen as representing parent child relationships in the workplace and are inevitably less effective than a more 'adult-adult' working relationship.    Please share your thoughts and questions about the discussion in the comments section.    For more details about Melloney please see her profile page at gunnercooke: https://gunnercooke.com/people/melloney-guiver/  Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.  He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  If you would like Conflict Coaching via  Zoom, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html  Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/  Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com  Books and ebooks:  The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html  How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.  Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221  CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

How to resolve workplace bullying allegations rather than pursue a ‘prove and punish’ approach that rarely if ever works but which leads to a 'circle of blame' where everyone involved is left dissatisfied - the person who feels bullied, the person accused of bullying and those tasked with managing the bullying allegation.    In this podcast Alan makes reference to his book "How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace - Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome For All' which identifies how more active and self-supporting approaches to any bullying situation can assist all involved in dealing with workplace bullying allegations to create a resolution in the situation and support a return to an effective workplace relationship.  The traditional 'prove and punish' approach means that both the person feeling bullied and the person accused have their situation 'handed over' to a third party to investigate but which inevitably leads to an inconclusive outcome due to the subjective interpretation and assessment of whether bullying has actually occurred. This means that the person who feels bullied also feels unsupported or 'not believed' while the person accused feels as if a 'dark cloud' of association follows them. Both, in turn are likely to blame those who manage the situation for not reaching a clear outcome from using an approach which is fundamentally flawed.    The book outlines the kinds of approach that Alan has seen people involved in entrenched bullying allegation situations use to resolve their difficulty. Sometimes this is with the support of processes like mediation and conflict coaching but in other situations the resolution has been self-created by those involved.   Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.  He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  If you would like Conflict Coaching via Zoom, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html  Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/  Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com  Books and ebooks:  The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html  How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221  CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

Many organisations claim that they 'empower' people and use a client-led or person-centred approach in the service or process they offer. But in this podcast Alan is asking viewers who provide such services 'Do you really empower people?' and 'What does client-led or 'person-centred' mean - for you?'    To suggest that I, or we 'empower people' is intrinsically self-contradictory as it assumes people don't have power already and they 'need' to be 'given' it by someone else, rather than be helped to recognise or create additional choices for themselves. This suggests a 'parent-child' view of clients as if they are 'without power' and the service provider 'gives it to them' as if 'bestowed'. This is in itself self-contradictory as it portrays personal power as something that some have and others don't and so the latter have to be 'given' it.    In mediation and conflict coaching we speak of 'supporting empowerment' in recognition that empowerment is not ours to give but we can provide a process that supports people in reflecting on their situations and how they can create answers and choices for themselves rather than be 'given' them.    Alan also looks at 'system-led' processes and 'practitioner-led' processes that can also sometimes claim to be client-led and to 'empower people' that are now appearing in mental health services, that suggest that there can be fixed answers to people's issues and that following 'assessment' they can be prescribed for people. Thus they are ultimately practitioner led and disempowering as they imply a dependence on the service provider for the 'answer' to their mental health challenges, something which for people already feeling stuck and powerless can lead to the opposite of what the service is intended for.In this way it is not providing effective mental health support.   Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 27 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others.  He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk  Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland  If you would like Conflict Coaching via  Zoom, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html or directly via caos@caos-conflict-management.co.uk  Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com  Books and ebooks:  How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316  A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221  The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html  CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

This podcast, also available as a youtube video ( https://youtu.be/DbmSn5vSalw ) explores the metaphor of 'adult-adult' and 'parent-child' relationships as they relate to effective relationships and ineffective, co-dependent relationships. Any effective relationship will spent time in a 'parent-child' dynamic occasionally but predominantly remain in an adult-adult dynamic., But difficulties arise when the 'parent-child' dynamic seems 'stuck' in place and a seemingly 'addictive' and co-dependent dynamic exists. This can be seen in family, workplace relationships as well as between service providers, both individuals within them and the organisations themselves, and their users/clients.    A significant feature that helps to break out from a stuck parent-child dynamic is the recognition of autonomy and its enactment by any involved in the relationship. Once that autonomy is acknowledged, from whatever place within the relationship the dependent relationship can start to release from its dependency. Either the 'parent' or the 'child' in the dynamic can initiate that possibility of release  through either letting go of their own wish to control and its practice, or through recognising the possibility for self-determination and its practice. While this may be challenging to achieve on a personal level there is a simplicity to the process involved in that it allows for change to occur through just one person 'acting' rather than requiring all to do so. The actor's change will intrinsically impact on the experience of the other(s) in the relationship in supporting movement towards an adult status and dynamic. Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 26 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland If you would like Conflict Coaching via Skype or FaceTime or Zoom, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com Books and ebooks: The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

In this podcast Alan discusses the perceived need for 'agreement' in order to move forward in many difficult situations. Very often this can be the cause of not moving forward in such situations because an obsession with and sense of dependency on 'the other person(s)' agreement being necessary. In many situations this is not essential for moving forward and people's focus on agreement being necessary can lead to personal comments, coercive behaviour, abuse and even violence in order to try to 'control' their views and ensure their agreement.  Where we can come to an acceptance of someone else's different point of view it means we can focus on what we can do without that requirement for agreement being in place. An understanding of their reasons for not agreeing with us and having a different perspective, without seeing that openness to hearing and understanding them as a threat to our own perspective can provide us with various creative opportunities in our own moving forward, even where we find it baffling that the other person could hold such a view.  Enabling our focus to be on continuing on our own journey rather than trying to force others to join us allows for disagreement without destructiveness, abuse or even violence. Instead it provides an opportunity for acceptance, non-dependence, openness to other possibilities and allows the focus of our energy on the creation of new ways forward rather than the destruction of the other and their viewpoints, the worst situations of course being where we try to destroy both.  Disagreement, when carried through constructively, can be a humbling, stimulating, creative opportunity for evolving and adapting instead of a destructive experience of entrenchment, despair, frustration and 'war'.  Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 26 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland If you would like Conflict Coaching via Skype or FaceTime or Zoom, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com Books and ebooks: The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200

This podcast explores and distinguishes between what helps anger to be acknowledged and then used constructively to create useful change and what prevents that possibility when it is used destructively towards vandalism, abuse and violence. It leads to 6 main points about how to use our anger constructively rather than be ‘taken over’ by it and misdirect it towards destructive actions.    This podcast was inspired by terrorist and tragic events in London and Manchester in May/June 2017  including the Grenfell Tower fire in West London, and the different ways of responding to these events shown by different members of the community, media and politicians.    The aim of the podcast is to help listeners reflect on their intentions for how to use their anger and to direct it towards aims that benefit everyone rather than continue and escalate the personal criticisms and even violence, abuse and destruction that can sometimes follow such events.   If you would like further support for asking questions in the way described in the podcast, please see this video on the use of effective open questions that support conflict resolution: https://youtu.be/A8l1x9Qn1b0   Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict   Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com    Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 26 years working in a wide range of dispute situations including neighbour disputes, workplace disputes, complaints (NHS, Special Educational Needs, University Student), group disputes and others. He was Director of a community mediation service in West London for 11 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management. https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk Connect with Alan on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alansharland If you would like Conflict Coaching via Skype or FaceTime, please contact Alan via this webpage: https://www.caos-conflict-management.co.uk/conflict-coaching.html Check out and like the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/communicationandconflict/ Visit the Communication and Conflict website:  https://www.communicationandconflict.com Books and ebooks: The Simple Effective Skills of Conflict Resolution e-book https://www.communicationandconflict.com/conflict_resolution_skills.html   How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Resolve-Bullying-Workplace-Effective/dp/1511941316 A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. Purchase the book at this link on amazon: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1790335221 CREDITS Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: https://music.apple.com/us/album/hollowman/677559200