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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Author: Jay Shetty

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My name is Jay Shetty, and my purpose is to make wisdom go viral. I’m fortunate to have fascinating conversations with the most insightful people in the world, and on my podcast, I’m sharing those conversation with you.

New episodes Mondays and Fridays.

Listen anywhere you get your podcasts, and please rate and review the podcast if you enjoy it. Live life today ON PURPOSE.
22 Episodes
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Comments (205)

Ronda J

I'm at the part where Mike's talking about his dad's funeral, I'm pretty choked up about it. the way he viewed his dad is beautiful and the fact that his funeral was a celebration more than a loss leaves me with an awesome feeling. maybe a "moment" like you guys keep talking about. and he's absolutely right about grief creeping up on you it has no time limits either..

Apr 22nd
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Rónán Rupp

Another brilliant episode, Jay!!

Apr 20th
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nansubuga irene

thanks!...great!

Apr 19th
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Keiran Halls

I have just states losing to you and it has all ready saved my rlachanship

Apr 18th
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Anaafi priscilla

ThanK you so much Jay

Apr 17th
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James Rooney

Jay truly blessed to find you thank you Ellen. I recently changed jobs and have about 30 minutes each way to travel by public transport and walk so your Pod Casts have become my go to place... I am finding them inspirational, educational and helping elevate my 12 step practice. Glad to be part of the Tribe... Also a big Football Fan Celtic is my team.

Apr 17th
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Pamela Wagers-Wiernasz

Thank you for just being yourself and making changes in our world for the better.

Apr 16th
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Sarah Jaccoi

Love this!

Apr 14th
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andy

Hello, you have such an awesome talk, 👍👏 go on !!!

Apr 14th
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Fazl Rahman

Hello from Pakistan

Apr 14th
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ryan weston

mumbling nonsense,

Apr 14th
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Lina

Thank you so much for this podd! Spot ON!

Apr 13th
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pallavi kumari

Lina Absolutely!

Apr 13th
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Meenanair

JAY sir, I'm so much fortunate to listen to your podcast.... I'm 18 &I learned a lot precious lessons from u sir... You became my inspiration sir.. I'm so much lucky to get to know u... & I learn what the exactly meaning of life is...when I feel down I'll listen to ur speech &it's keep booster me!!THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH JAY SIR!!!😊

Apr 12th
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Brinda Vijayan

awesome talk, thoroughly enjoy listening to your podcasts.... Thank you so much Jay

Apr 12th
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Ani Papyan

Hanging out with course mates on my last exchange in Belarus, and then catching up with so many old and new friends during my last European trip, has got me a bit philosophical about exactly how blessed we should feel having good friends and reminded me just how valuable friendships are to our own happiness and well-being. I have always believed that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or forever. And this applies to friends also – some of them may teach us something about ourselves (reason), some of them it just may be during university and then they change schools (season), and some of them will be forever friends (whether they are in our daily life or not). This way of thinking helps us to both value the good friends in our life (we never know when we may lose them) as well as come to terms with losing good people from our life. It also helps us understand why the not-so-good (toxic) people come into our lives, and why it is ok to want to protect yourself from them. Events of the last few months (relatively external to me, my friends) have also helped me indirectly to feel some sense of closure on some of the more difficult times of my life and a sense of understanding and acceptance of a particular “failed and difficult” friendship, which for years I had been beating myself up over. (Just needing to add a little note that this friendship was not from school, sport or even from my neighbourhood and that the name of this person is irrelevant really – because I am sure everyone has had their own one of these “toxic” friends in their life at some stage). It’s relevant now to me because, as I said, events have validated for me the choices I made to abandon that toxic friendship, and the very reasons why I needed to.. For the first few days my head and heart has been filled with doubt about whether I should have been more tolerant and forgiving, I should have done more to please her, even to let her treat me the way she did, I should have pretended it was OK to be treated like that. But I have now realised that I did the right thing … the ONLY thing I could have done … and I shouldn’t feel bad about it anymore. I, and we all, should trust our judgement and our gut instinct when it comes to friendships. Sometimes we can feel a lot of emotions that really distressed us (anger, disappointment, intimidation, vengeful, hurt, envious, disrespected etc), I feel the need to remind myself IT IS OK TO FEEL THESE EMOTIONS! I was angry. I was disappointed. I was intimidated. I did actually want her to experience hurt like I was. Which is horrible I know! But I did. I wanted her to understand how it felt. I was extremely hurt. I had been extremely disrespected. In that period I was doing my best to satisfy her and I was trying to manage even impossible things to make her feel more comfortable. At the same time all my friends also put some efforts to make her stay with me better, while there were many other problems too. And having quite broad range of responsibilities in university, I was still trying to devote my time as more as possible to our communication. But she always had that negative energy that not only me, but all my other friends were feeling. And I was certainly tired of seeing the way her energy negatively affected others (only if they disagreed or questioned her of course). In retrospect, she was not a "friend" at all. She was a horrible human who fed off other people feeling inadequate and belittled. I actually think she secretly thrived off knowing how miserable she was making myself (and others!) feel... She had eroded my self esteem so much that deep down, I wanted and almost desperately needed others to know the deceit behind her sweet mask she so innocently wore. At least then I could walk away from the friendship and have others know that I had tried my hardest, and not to believe the lies she was spreading. I kept it all to myself however, and walked away. Afterall, if I was to tell others about how horrible, mean, manipulative and condescending she was, that would have made me just as bad as she was. So it is NORMAL to feel these emotions… and it is OK if you decide you do not want to be around such negative, draining and toxic energy. To make such a judgement however you really need to look at exactly how much and in what ways you are being affected. So, for now, let’s look at the possible traits of a toxic friend. Friends are supposed to share both their ups and downs with each other – that capacity to care about each other is what friends are all about. However, a toxic friend gives off negativity the majority of the time. They can be hard work. They can seem to drain away all the positive energy that you might be getting from elsewhere or others (a bit like a Dementor from Harry Potter). Toxic people can’t see that things can be good – for them the world is never good enough, it never treats them fairly, everyone misunderstands them. They play the “victim” role really well even if they need to manipulate or misinform (lie) to those around them to reinforce their illusion of being vulnerable and victimised. A toxic friend can make you feel like it is your responsibility to make them feel better, or make you feel like it is your fault they feel bad. Healthy friendships are all about spending time with people who care about you just as much as you care about them. A toxic friend will not consider how their actions or words might affect you or how other people see you. She would be quite willing to compromise your feelings to get what she wants. She is quite willing to take any success at your expense. It is really healthy to have disagreements and arguments in any relationship. Through our relationships with peers and siblings we learn the art of social interaction, anger management and conflict resolution. If a friend gets angry with you for the tiniest thing, blames you for making her stressed, and if the argument leaves you feeling shaky, apologetic and intensely guilty (for no rational reason), it is likely you have just been on the receiving end of a toxic attack. Other types of toxic attacks can also make us feel shamed (again for no rational reason). When criticism is hidden behind a pretence of “honesty”, and it is relentless, it starts to poison our soul and damage our confidence and self esteem. It is important to be helpful and support friends through their bad times, but also make sure it doesn’t affect your emotional well-being (remember YOU can’t be the kind and compassionate friend you want to be when you are emotionally drained). While a toxic friend will rely heavily on you to listen to her problems, in depth, and commiserate (literally “be miserable with her”), she does not support you when you really need some support. Having a friend like this, especially when it’s a bestie, can leave you feeling very lonely and alone at those times when you most need a good friend. The focus seems always to be on her. She never asks about you and your life, and it often leaves you feeling devalued, like you don’t matter. What can really feel toxic in a friendship is when your friend can’t even be happy about your successes and celebrate your achievements with you. In healthy relationships, good friends empower one another. Sometimes we try to tell ourselves it is only trivial, and it shouldn’t matter, but when a friend betrays our trust, we should really see that for the toxic behaviour that it is. Trust isn’t trivial ! Betrayal is a big red flag in any relationship. And last but not least, a toxic friend uses manipulation and deceit to pressure, shame or force you into doing things you wouldn’t ordinarily do. The anxiety for you is intense as you know she will make you feel like the most uncool loser ever if you don’t join in, and you know it’s not going to be a good thing for you if you do join in either (that “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” feeling). There is a huge difference between encouragement and coercion. Do you recognize any of these in some of your friendships ? While every now and then, all friends can have moments of self absorption, negativity, apathy etc and niggle away at your happiness and sanity, it’s important to see that these are all still really good friends. Toxicity in relationships is more about the intensity, frequency, or longevity of the toxic behaviors, and most about how it makes you feel and the impact it is having on your inner peace, self-esteem and overall happiness. So always appreciate the real friendships and keep yourself far from “toxic friends”… Life is too short to waste it on toxic people….

Apr 12th
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Romiela Mazumdar (Reema)

Will sure try atleast on of this. Respect from India

Apr 12th
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Karan

"You find yourself when you lose yourself in the service of others." Gandhi Such a Powerful quote. Thank you so much for this podcast ❤️❤️

Apr 12th
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Muhammad Mehedi Hasan

Awesome podcast. Love from Bangladesh.

Apr 12th
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denise whitecotton

thank you. I just saw this podcast was in my list, last night was a NEGATIVE night. My husband has been on a negative road for a long time. The question is at what level. Listening to this podcast was very helpful in wording. thank you

Apr 11th
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Siddharth Jain

I loved that quote Everyone is trying to find the right person rather than being the right person.

Apr 11th
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