Kidless

...makes you behave in a regrettable fashion until you learn your lesson and move forward like an adult.Back this week to discuss more updates on how we're doing in these quarintense (nailed it) times. We give some updates on alcohol use or lack thereof, and we use the Beastie Boys documentary as a reference and jumping off point for discussions on failure and success and having to pull ourselves back from the brink of anxiety and panic...with some levity, we hope, while finding a way to quote a Kelly Clarkson song. Please note: we mention a quote often quoted by Obama, and I believe it's actually attributed to Martin Luther King, Jr., and I wish we (I) hadn't butchered it in the episode. 

This week we follow up on the fight from last week with a couple reflections, then we dive into a conversation with Randi, Eric's older sister. The conversation floats from their shared and unshared memories of childhood to Randi's personal and career goals and ultimately where she has ended up in the times of COVID. We think her situation highlights and captures an important experience in the US right now, and it gives you a break from focusing on us two clowns for a week. Randi is very much her own person and is unapologetic for who she is, nor should she be. We were delighted to speak with her. 

Settle in for a romp through a low-key fight between Ashley and Eric. Also, we try to apologize for insensitive things we've said only to go on and offer more insensitive thoughts and ideas. But mostly the focus is on the battle to survive and the tools we've used in the past and the tools we use now to cope. We flesh out the idea that it's really hard to do much self-improvement when it feels like your survival is threatened, and we touch on ways you might be reacting to the current crisis based on your past.Thanks for listening! We love you!

Conversations in quarantine. We check in with each other about our past weeks in quarantine. In this episode we touch base on our anger, restlessness, hyperarousal, and overblown concerns about aging. We're holding all of you in mind as we go into this coming week. Take care of yourselves!

We're quarantined and so are you. We return to chat about our experience of this global pandemic thus far. We talk about how we've regressed into some old behaviors but also have had to create new ones in order to cope with the isolation and distance. We also throw out our political perspectives, to the delight of no one, and we basically are just trying to be some voices for you to connect to while we're all having to tolerate separation. We've missed you and maybe you've missed us too. Let us know. -Ashley and Eric

This episode we interview Katy, a person previously unknown to us, which is a first for this podcast. She is childless and childfree, both terms apply to her, depending on whether the feeling of loss is taking center stage or the sense of empowerment related to taking control of her life and her choices. She wanted children, but it was an arduous and exhausting journey, and it ultimately didn't get her what she wanted - a child. We talk to her about this process and how she thinks about her transition from wanting children to settling into a life that's bountiful in other ways.   Find Katy on IG: @chasing.creationShe has a website which is linked on her IG, and she hosts webinars on the topic of life after struggles with infertility. 

...into a family that should've kept procreation to a low roar. Oh Succession, you bring us so much joy. Succession is filled with narcissism, antisocial personality trends, corruption, money, repressed and internalized anger, and painful, wretched, and ultimately relatable family dynamics. The show is full of teachable moments - helping us all learn about people who should not have [had] children. We thought we'd use this show to talk about some of the concepts we've already discussed on this show. Let us know what you think. Are you into this show as much as we are? It's not a total replacement for GoT, but it'll do. IG: @kidlesspodcastEmail: kidlesspod@gmail.com

We're back! We talk about whether we've changed our minds about being Kidless, address some feedback we've received since starting, as well as our latest standards for those who decide to become parents (spoiler alert: JLo is our new standard.) We give current life updates and take a little time to discuss why we keep the topics broad on this podcast - we just don't think the choice whether or not to have children is all that interesting. Let us know your thoughts! kidlesspod@gmail.comIG: kidlesspodcastTwitter: kidlesspodThanks for listening!

This week we talk about anger with the delightful Jenevieve - if you haven't listened to our first episode with her, see that you do. Now, about anger. We talk about the different forms and discuss the distinctions between them all and how one becomes another - we differentiate between aggression and sadism, and the difference between anger and rage and hatred and a grievance. Didn't know you could make so many distinctions? Didn't know that if you don't express anger, it ends up as the other types? Neither did we, but we found it helpful as we applied it to our own lives, and hopefully it will help you see the importance of utilizing your feelings of anger in your lives as well. Articles mentioned: Jan Weiner:LinkChristopher Bollas:LinkAs always, hit us up!IG: @kidlesspodcastEmail: kidlesspod@gmail.com

This week we talk about parentification of children - when you take care of your parent(s). It might be somewhat healthy and normal to do it here and there for brief moments, like if they have an accident and need physical care or you learn how to do some grocery shopping or pay some bills, but when you become their main emotional support, and it becomes an entrenched pattern in the family, adverse outcomes abound. We talk about the different kinds of parentification, the effects on you as a child and adult, and the way it affects your relationships and your mental health. As always, we try to illustrate the concept by relating it to ourselves as individuals and as a couple. Let us know what you think! IG: @kidlesspodcastEmail: kidlesspod@gmail.com

Last time we discussed defenses we all employ to deal with unwanted feelings and parts of ourselves - like projection. This time we go further into the psyche and talk about projective identification - i.e. we project out those unwanted parts into others and how they handle it builds our sense of ourselves and of them. This happens in our closest relationships - mother/infant and intimate partners. Eric and Ashley use pieces of their relationship to explain the concept and to discuss how this process has helped them both grow as a couple and individually. Also discussed are ways in which this can go poorly in our earliest relationships and then set us up for problems down the road in our intimate relationships. This should highlight for everyone why it's so important to think deeply about the choice to have children and what you will bring into that relationship with your child. If you can start to understand this process, you can begin to more deeply understand the places you feel stuck in your life. 

Today we dive into defenses - all the tricks/skills/strategies we ALL use to ward off unwanted thoughts and feelings. We discuss the most common defenses and try to supply  helpful examples. It's important to be aware of these because while you may have successfully allowed feelings and thoughts to drop out of your awareness, they are actually still determining your behavior and your feelings...you just don't remember the reason anymore. These defenses can impact how parents see their children or how you were seen as a child, for example, or how you see your partner. The more accurate you are in seeing yourself, the more accurate you will be in seeing others, with the benefit of feeling a bit more at ease with yourself and your relationships. We find this content fascinating, so let us know if you'd like more stuff like this. IG: @kidlesspodcastTwitter: @kidlesspodEmail: kidlesspod@gmail.com

We sit down this week and chat with Ashley's sister and her husband. They chose a different life from us, but we still have fun with them. For those that know us, they've heard us talk about these two characters a million times - they share some entertaining stories about themselves, and we learn a little more about the choices the've made for their lives. Basically, you get a sense of what it's like when the four of us hang out and talk. Some content isn't for the faint of heart. Do enjoy. Get at us! IG: @kidlesspodcastTwitter: @kidlesspodEmail: kidlesspod@gmail.com 

We're back! We are long-time watchers of anything Barby does on the social meeds, so we were really excited to use this podcast as an excuse to finally sit down and have a conversation with her and get to know her. We find her to be as gorgeous as she is hilarious, open, bawdy, fiery, opinionated...real.  We talk to her about her life growing up with a depressed mom, immigrating to the US from Mexico as a young child, becoming a young mother, choosing that stripper lyyyyfe, all the other ways she has chosen to uniquely and creatively live her own individual life and walk down her own path, as well as the growth she continues to pursue. We say this on the episode, but we'll say it here, too - she's so compelling, engaging, delightful. This was pure fun for us. Hope you enjoy. Find Barby on IG: @barbywithayyFind us on IG: @kidlesspodcastTwitter: @kidlesspodEmail us: kidlesspod@gmail.com

Look, we're stressing about global warming and war and our planet's death as well as our individual deaths, so we're passing that on to our nice listeners. We try to make meaning of our species' death as well as our own personal deaths - can death be something we learn to accept and welcome without diminishing and/or deadening our lives while we're still alive? Media mentioned: The Biggest Little Farm (documentary) and Learning to Die (book.) Let us know your thoughts: IG: @kidlesspodcastTwitter: @kidlesspodEmail: kidlesspod@gmail.comThank you for listening!! 

Happy Pride month, everyone! Pride weekend in our city got us thinking about identity. Are you someone who feels you know yourself or are you someone who still struggles to put the pieces together and make sense of it all? We contend that maybe having a super clear identity is the death of liveliness, yet it would also be nice to have a sense of self. What's the balance? We think through it this week on the podcast. Let us know your thoughts:Twitter: @kidlesspodIG: @kidlesspodcastEmail: kidlesspod@gmail.com

First of all, dammit if we didn't even fucking reference The Greatest Showman's greatest song. Second, we're talking about the feeling of lack that we feel all humans experience...like it's a basic part of being human. What ways do we feel driven to try to fill the hole, the gaps, in an effort to feel more whole and less empty - kids? religion? substances? careers? social groups? Third, we kind of wind our way through this topic, but I think we end up making some sense. Basically, this one's about feeling not enough and then grappling with that feeling rather than trying to cover it up or avoid it altogether. As always, let us know your thoughts. IG: @kidlesspodcastTwitter: @kidlesspodEmail: kidlesspod@gmail.com 

We discuss a controversial tweet by @caro - Caroline McCarthy - about lap infants in business class. She got death threats for her feelings, guys...but who among us really wants to deal with kids on planes? We try to think about this from different angles on this week's episode. Open to all feedback, but if you feel like lashing out at us, please try to listen to the whole episode before doing so. FYI - we're taking a break next week, but we'll be back with good stuff in two weeks!IG: @kidlesspodcastTwitter: @kidlesspodEmail: kidlesspod@gmail.comThanks for listening and subscribing!

Or have neither. First of all, we fixed the sound issue - we're at least 99% sure we did. Let us know. Second - we're talking religion. We both grew up in religious homes but grew into atheists. We discuss the impact of a religious-raising on both of us and how it impacted our self-esteem and contributed to our desire or lack of desire to parent. Eric also speaks at length about the Mormon church, as he recently got triggered by hearing many horror stories about BYU's Honor Code Office. If you're curious about an inside experience of the Mormon church, this episode is for you. Thanks for listening! IG: @kidlesspodcastTwitter: @kidlesspodEmail: kidlesspod@gmail.com

This week we sit down to talk to Chantelle Bourdeaux, our dear friend. Chan discusses what it was like moving to very white Salt Lake after living in other places and how that, as well as her family dynamics, informed her current life choices (relationship, kids, etc...) and general social presence. We view Chan as being in charge of Salt Lake, but she doesn't see herself that way, which is probably why she's always pushin' and grindin' and succeedin'. We hope you'll love her as much as we do. Let us know your thoughts! IG: @kidlesspodcastTwitter: @kidlesspodEmail: kidlesspod@gmail.com