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Anything But Vanilla Podcast

Author: Anything But Vanilla

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Anything But Vanilla is a podcast hosted by best friends, Claire Jones and Francesca Corti in Sacramento, CA. Shake up a cocktail and laugh along with the ladies as they catch up, chat about the news of the week, offer up advice to listeners and engage in some light harassment of one another. Listeners can find us on Instagram @abvpodcast. Slide into our dms please. Listeners can email us directly at anythingbutvanillapodcast@gmail.com.
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Dear listeners, will we ever get our shit together? Will we ever come out with an episode on time again? Will we ever have a recording schedule? Will we ever have an intro that makes sense? Will our sound ever be great? The answer is not. No homies, no we will never have it together. Welcome in to episode 92, where Fran is questioning the sincerity of Claire’s new drink for the pod and Claire swearing that she made it for her true #1. The hosts week in review brings the roses (Claire got boujee in a suite for an A’s vs. Red Sox game and Fran had a hot mess of time at a rock climbing gym with she and Claire’s kids, but learned a gem of a lesson) and thorns (Fran’s poor baby was so sick and she had a traumatizing constipation experience with him and Claire has no thorns… ain’t she lucky). News this week is coming at us with the ultimate hoodwink on the ex president of the NRA from parkland parents and the new spelling bee champ who is a freaking impressive powerhouse and also a Guinness World record holder. Suffice to say we love and adore her.) A listener wrote to the ladies asking wether or not it would be ok to buy her step daughter a vibrator, per her request. Is she crossing a line if she buys it for her without her bio moms permission? The hosts are divided. Ask Us Anything has the gals going down memory lane with their favorite 90’s movie, songs and bands. Shit the ladies like this week includes a bomb summer popsicle from trader joes and some incredible resin art from an artist Claire has been following for quite some time.  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by a  Karen coming for Fran when she was breast feeding in public. Mind your own bishhhhhhhh.  Claire’s Comeback Drink AKA The Lady In RedMuddle Blackberries and mintJuice several lemonsPour everything into a cup with vodka and let it steep for a bit.Add ice and soda waterDid you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 
You know we like to keep you on your toes, dearest and loyalist of listeners. That being said, why be consistent with our episode output when we can randomly record and spring some audio content upon you at random? You are welcome, by the way, for this lovely little, three weeks late, surprise episode. Welcome in to episode 91, where the ladies are talking about all sorts of things, from teaching children body consent, to the Chris Harrison payout to Claire’s love of prescribed medication. Honestly, this podcast has fucking everything. The hosts week in review brings the roses (Claire has a reverse Erica redemption Rose and Torn from her sons first ever summer camp and Fran got to start working with teens again and she is really enjoying it) and thorns (Fran’s dog of 10 years, Sachi, has some major dog anxiety and Claire is advocating for her rehoming due to stress). News this week is coming at us from the first active NFL player to come out publicly (WE CELEBRATE YOU CARL NASSIB) and Chris Harrisons bachelor payout.  A listener wrote to ask asking for advice about her children not wanting to hug her her parents. Should she continue to teach her children body autonomy or succumb to grandparent guilt? Shit the ladies like this week includes a fun, and nostalgic local sacramento instagram account and the KUWTK reunion.  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by an estranged father in Virginia and his bad behavior… need we say more? Katrina’s Drink RecWatermelonRosemary LemonFrozen Rosé cubesTake the first three ingredients and blend- strain out particles to keep juice, then blend the juice with the frozen rosé cubes.***add sparkling tequila drink if you need more booze***Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 
Tell us truly, on a scale of one to one million, how much do you absolutely hate wearing a bra? Has your pandemic life led you down the path of ditching that torso binding, bullshit contraption forever? Can you roll like Fran and do your damnedest to never wear one again? Or are you Claire, who will unfortunately be going to her grave with her bra securely fastened? Either way, you do you boo. Welcome in to episode 90, where these two hosts are phoning in the cocktail, braless and living their best and most comfortable lives. Their week in review brings the roses (Pool season has begun at casa Jones and Fran met her new best friend… Claire better watch her ass) and thorns Claire got a sinus infection and thought she was dying and Fran doesn’t have family that will be honest about her appearance in public. News this week is coming at us from a professional athlete prioritizing her mental health over money and career and the new “Vaccine millionaires” cropping up in US states with “vaccine lotteries”. A listener is seeking “fashion” advice this week about… LOL,  she just wants to know if she can go braless henceforth. Let these ladies tell you, sister stay comfortable. Shit the ladies like this week includes a a new sparkling drink comin’ at ya from Hornitos (run don’t walk) and a reasonable serum that Claire discovered on her fave insta account “TYBAL”. Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by Spain and their new stamps which are supposed to highlight racial inequality in their county. Did they miss the mark? They absolutely did. The Best Friend Go to OBO in Sacramento Order a jug of “to go” cocktailsBring them to your friends housePour over iceDrink with your friend!Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 
Claire. Claire. Wake the fuck up woman! While we don’t consider this episode boring (the title clues you into that) Claire sure did show up during this evening recording and spread her tired ass, yawning face all over the place. Guess we are officially too old to be recording when it’s 7:30 pm. Welcome in to episode 89, where Claire deems this season 2 of our show and Fran is confused as ever. This week in review brings listeners the great (Claire had a great, two rose kind of week and Fran has successfully raised a baby to reach one year, during a pandemic) and not so great (Fran literally is in the shit).  News of the week comes at you with Claire Sharing some bullshit out of Florida (shocker) and Fran getting real entrenched in the Simone Biles olympics watch.  Advice this week comes to us from a listener feeling slighted after not being invited to her “good” friends micro wedding. Ughhhhhhh weddings, enough said.  This week in AUA the ladies play “fuck, marry, kill” for the “Friends” cast to celebrate the reunion on HBO.  ABV, shit we like (trademark pending), is hyper local with some food and skin recs from these hosts. Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by people trippin’ about vaccine “shedding”... what in the actual fuck.ABC’s Best Drink Ever?Frozen PineapplePineapple High NoonVodkaMintLimeBlend that bitchDid you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 
Dear, sweet, kind, caring listeners, we love you, we missed you and we finally have good sound quality… because we got to record inside thanks to science and being fully vaccinated hosts!!! Oh, and how glorious it was to be warm, comfy and slightly drunk in Claire’s bed. To all of you listeners who were concerned about the pod, we appreciate your love and messages, calls and face to face talks. We are so happy to be back. And to all of you haterz who didn’t expect us to get our shit together and record another episode, y’all can go eat a bag of dicks. Welcome in to episode 88, where these two hosts are living in the lap of luxury recording this weeks episode during nap time in Claire’s comfortable bed! It was glorious, truly. Our week in review is really 8 weeks in review (since we have been gone so long) and it does not disappoint.  Poor Claire has a night time escape artist on her hands (literally Remy went outside at 2am people) and Fran is finding herself navigating her sons erections at age 4 (she wasn’t expecting this so early). Claire got to enjoy becoming a baseball mom (Reid started T-ball) and Fran had a visit from her dad on his birthday (listeners do you believe in spirit energy?) News this week is serving up some progress in terms of inclusivity in the fashion industry, with Targets new designer collection featuring many, if not most, styles in ALL sizes for ALL bodies (YAY). Some older news that just had to be discussed includes a Pennsylvania teenagers freedom of speech case, which is making its way to the Supreme Court. Claire and Fran are on her side, let’s see what y’all think.   A listener is seeking our advice this week regarding having more children. Should she? Shouldn’t she? The ladies always have an opinion, but you know this. Shit the ladies like this week includes a Trader Joe’s body butter and ‘Morning Miracles” Claire’s new routine. Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by beauty influencers and their reviews/recommendations. Are y’all feeling Fran on this one?The Wanna Be Press Bistro Salt and PepperVodkaFresh Grapefruit JuiceGrapefruit High Noon Vodka SeltzerRosemary SprigsSalt RimDid you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 
Oh listeners, we know we take up lots of your time with our drunken ranting, our aggressive opinions, our old lady like bickering and Claire’s love of Rizzoli and Isles. And the first step in recovery is acknowledging you have a problem. That being said, this week we kept it short and sweet, just for you. Because we love you and respect your time, you know?Welcome in to episode 87, where we, for once, are timely and keepin’ this podcast moving babies! Our week in review brings the highs (Claire is having a solid design week and now has herself an assistant AND she discovered the Davis arboretum and Fran enjoyed some birthday celebrations at the barn) and the thorns (Claire is staying positive with no thorns and Fran always has a thorn, which this week has to do with her families home remodel). News this week is pretty gross in terms of human behavior with a Sacramento area teacher engaging in racist behavior on zoom and Dr. Suess’ literary library being culled due to racist content. A listener is seeking our advice this week asking for help as to how she can broach the subject of masturbation as “me time” with her partner. Girl, take this self care and your man can go fuck off if he doesn’t like it. This weeks  “Ask Us Anything” turns the tables on the hosts and has them answer what their first impressions were of one another’s husbands/long term loves. Let’s just say, no one is surprised that Matt turned out to be easy. Shit the ladies like this week stays local with a new float spa downtown and a podcast with a fiesta host. Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by Texas’ governor, what a fucking piece of trash. Claire Phoned it InCamp Craft Cocktail- Brunch Punch (refrigerate 3 days or a month, whatever)Fever Tree TonicTequilaIceDid you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 
Dear listeners, is it only us or, do you too find yourselves having to sift through several public nudity memories to try and find the worst of the lot? And, listeners, how many publicly embarrassing moments can two women accumulate across their lifetimes? This question is rhetorical of course, because if you have listened to this show for any length of time you will likely know that the ladies of ABV have so many truly cringeworthy moments that have been shared on this show, it is sometimes hard to listen to. Welcome in to episode 86, where we are once again showing up without shame, airing our own dirty laundry and laughing at our own bullshit, uncontrollably. Our week in review brings the roses (Claire’s kittens finally got spayed and Fran enjoyed time with her BFF and their kids) and the thorns (Claire is just very tired and Fran keeps injuring a broken toe). News of the week is giving us all the life this week (The original Real World cast is coming back for a reunion show on a new streaming service and luxury colleges during this pandemic are becoming a thing). A listener is seeking our advice this week asking for help as to wether or not she should be leaving her therapist due to their disagreement over what behavior constitutes abuse. This poor listener, she may look back one this in a different light a few years from now. This weeks  “Ask Us Anything” puts the ladies in the hot seat as they describe their most embarrassing nudity in public stories (Wait aren’t all those stories embarrassing?) Shit the ladies like this week covers a book by a Black female author that Claire enjoyed reading and a local sacramento cookie maven, who makes the best cookies Fran has ever had.  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by Religion/the Catholic Church… especially here in Sacramento Quadruple Citrus CoolerJuice of 3-4 orangesJuice of 2-3 lemonsJuice of 2-3 limesJuice of 2 TangerinesSplash of simple syrupLOTS OF VODKASeltzer, club soda or bubble water to tasteDid you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 
Why, hello there… don’t you look gorgeous. We haven’t seen you in a while. Did you miss us? You did? Well, we missed your sweet cheeks too! We are back dear listeners of ABV and boyyyyyyy do we have an episode for you. Let’s all gather round the outdoor heaters, six feet apart, drinks in hand and fuck the patriarchy together, shall we?Welcome in to episode 85, where we are sharing a hot take on some Sacramento related issues and bringing you all the usual ABV antics that you have been missing these past few weeks. Our week in review brings the roses (Claire got to see her twin and her nephew for the first time in many months and Fran has a cute lil' 9 month old running around) and the thorns (Claire has hit a new pandemic emotional low and Fran has a seriously fucked up neck from breast feeding). News of the week continues to be random AF (We have some great news for the Sacramento restaurant scene and some prison cell phone opinion pieces to cover). A friend of Fran’s is seeking our advice this week regrading how to, or if she even should, address a fellow school parent who is killing it on Only Fans.  Let’s just say that we dive deep here, so get ready. Shit the ladies like this week is Sacramento focused, so ion you are looking for some cool shops to support locally here, get our your pen and paper (yes we are grandmas fr that reference).  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by that little misogynist fuck Justin Timberlake. Way to tank women’s careers to propel your own. Claire Was Bored Shopping At Home Goods Shot of TequilaSoda WaterFever Tree Tonic Herb and Lou’s Infused Ice Cubes- Meyer Lemon DaquiriDid you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 
You know how we know 2021 is going to be better than the shittiest of years, 2020? For starters, Trump is gone, so there’s that. For seconds, we get to record in person, outside (at least for now, but its something ladies and gents) aaaaaaaaannnnnnnnddddddd our favorite cohost, the hostess with the biggest and best laugh, the woman who knows someone who can getcha what you need, Erica Castillo (!) is back for a an episode to catch up, keep it real and roast the shit out of Claire and Fran. Welcome in to episode 84, where we are rocking a space heater, eating tacos and drinking all the tequila with out favorite person on the planet. This week in review brings the roses (TRUMP IS GONE!!! Biden is here!!!!!!) and the thorns (Butchie is crawling, Claire hating social media holiday performances and Erica is disturbed by the military presence downtown for Biden’s inauguration). News of the week continues to be on the lighter side of things (Bachelorette breakups, Uhaul moving data and Bridgerton sex scenes). A listener is seeking our advice this week asking about her fear of her daughter recording her sex life on TikTok. Let’s just say that we all know there is more going on in this question then we are led to believe. The ladies are sharing what state they would be willing to move to, if they had to, on this weeks, “ask us anything”.  Shit the ladies like this week has some good TV recs  and some skincare gold as well.   Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by Erica and she ain’t holding back on you bitches.I Wish I Was In Paradise2 oz Tequila1/3 cup OJMaui Brewing POG hard Seltzer Poured over topTajin RimMix all ingredients and pour over iceDid you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 
It is kept under lock and key for a reason. You know, all your inner thoughts, secret wishes, deepest desires, protected by two hard covers and a lock and key. And the social contract that binds us all, that males us human- do not read someone else’s diary. Its a part of our social contract, our moral code, our given rights to one another, from childhood throughout adulthood. Then, does it surprise you, dear listeners, to know that these two hosts cannot be trusted to keep that code enforced. Of course it doesn’t, Claire is the nosiest bitch you’ll ever meet. She tells you at the beginning of every episode, duh. Welcome in to episode 83, where we admit our bad behavior freely, but what the hell is new in the world of this podcast? We believe it makes you all love us that much more.  This week in review brings the roses (Claire can finally play some real games with her oldest son and is enjoying her uno champion status) and the thorns (Fran is getting old and needs to start taking glucosamine for her bunk ass knee joints).  News of the week is kept on the lighter side, during these dark times (B- celebrity Armie hammer is giving some real wild Dms out to the 20 year olds of the world and the sex and the City reboot is a coming!). A listener is seeking our advice this week asking if it is OK to read her daughter’s diary in order to gain insight into her world. Let’s just say that no good ever comes from reading another persons diary, we should know. The ladies are sharing wether or not they have been guilty of reading someone else’s diary on this weeks, “ask us anything”, and you all already know this answer. Shit the ladies like this week highlights a local woman owned restaurant that just opened in East Sacramento and a weekly meal prep/planning service that is is not using diet culture fads as its foundation. Hallelujah.  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by The People Of Sacramento Sams insta page. If you haven’t jumped down that rabbit hole, you really should. Cosmopolitan1 oz Grand Marnier or Cointreau1 oz Vodka1.5 oz Cranberry juice1/2 -1 lime freshly squeezedPour all Ingredients Into a cocktail shaker, get them Icy and enjoy!id you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter
Not much to say, other than that it's a damn birthday miracle that we got this new years episode up for Claire! Happiest of birthdays the most judgey, nosiest, funniest and kindest cohost around, Enjoy this birthday miracle everyone and Happy New Year! F**K off 2020, helllllllllo wonderful 2021. Classic Hot Buttered Rum1 stick (4 ounces) unsalted butter½ cup light brown sugar1 teaspoon vanilla extract1 teaspoon ground cinnamon1 teaspoon ground cloves1 teaspoon ground nutmeg1 teaspoon ground allspicePinch of salt2 ounces dark or aged rum6 ounces hot waterCinnamon stick, for garnish (optional)In mixing bowl, combine butter, vanilla extract, sugar, spices and salt. Beat until well combined. In heat-proof glass or mug, combine aged rum with 1 ounce (2 tablespoons) spiced butter mixture. Remaining batter can be stored in airtight container in refrigerator for future use. Top with hot water and stir until ingredients are well incorporated. Garnish with cinnamon stick if preferred.Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 
Oh shit. You know it’s 2020, plus stay at home orders and back to that bullshit zoom recording when we are almost a week late in posting the podcast. But hey, do you blame us? This messy ass year is coming to a close and we are all sorts of topsy turvy. But never fear... episode 81 is here!This  week in review brings listeners the great (Fran’s son is old enough to finally get Christmas and is so excited and Claire’s husband got a new job) and not so great (Fran’s baby is on a poop strike and Claire lost her personal/work assistant when Matt got this job and everyone is feeling the transition).  News of the week comes at you with some background on Only Fans and how it’s going mainstream. Claire is dropping the bombshell that the Kardashian Christmas party is cancelled, for the first time in 42 years. Advice this week comes to us from a friend who is having a crisis with a fraudulent friend trying to masquerade as a POC for her business. In light of Only Fans going mainstream, the ladies share what their personal Only Fans accounts would host if they had them,  in this weeks AUA.  What do the ladies like this week? Well, Instagram accounts and TV shows naturally. This weeks hater is brought to you by the anti-vaxx community who is opposing the COVID vaccine. Stop spreading misinformation people, keep it to yourself. Peppermint Hot Chocolate StingerPowdered hot chocolate Brewed coffee1oz creme de cacao 2oz peppermint vodkaPeppermint candy garnish Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 
I mean, you know us by now, right dear listeners? Pillars of the community? Gentle souls? Most non-judgmental duo on this planet??? Wait, no, that’s not us. Sorry. We got confused for a minute. We are the pair of podcasters who almost always roast the person soliciting our advice and in the case of this episode, it gets a little awkward. We don’t mean to judge too harshly, but this mother is giving us some vibes that are making us uncomfortable. Welcome in to episode 80, where once again, a cohost is showing up without a drink ready to go and it continues to be freezing in our outdoor “recording studio”.  This week in review brings the roses (Claire crushed her book reading goal and Fran had a great weekend- which was capped off by Claire’s husbands Spinach balls) and the thorns (Fran did not enjoy the smallness of her covid thanksgiving and Claire was feeling sick and went down a covid spiral).  News of the week is highlighting a 100+ dollar burger that both of these ladies would happily order and Fran thought she was sharing some hot Sacramento gossip (She was in fact, not) A listener is seeking our advice this week regarding her daughter potentially losing her virginity. LISTEN and let the creepy vibes ensue. The ladies are sharing their biggest kitchen fails on this weeks, “ask us anything”, and the lesson is: Do Not Make Food While High. Shit the ladies like this week highlights a local home store here in Sac that is oh-so-cute and a new interesting podcast.  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by the food, calorie and workout focus around the holidays. It’s tired. Let’s let that shit go.  Hot TeaChoose your favorite TeaGet some hot waterSteep and enjoy. Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 
You have to appreciate her honesty, really. She truly has no shame, for all of your listening pleasure. Because, who at this point, dear listeners, would freely admit that they might actually buy this thing? The target market for this product is the white, conservative and aged populace of this country... so you must forgive her, really. She had no flipping idea that the douche who owns this company is as disgusting as he is. But, she can't deny that she is a sucker for a targeted ad and anything that potentially will help her get a good nights sleep. Welcome In to episode 79, where all Fran wanted was a delicious warm alcoholic beverage and all Claire delivered was a bottle of red wine that said cohost brought over. This week in review brings the warm rays of the sun (Fran’s birthday!) and the cold hard rain (Fran’s sister can’t celebrate thanksgiving, fucking corona exposure and Claire is trying to find balance in her life).  News of the week is showing us that Sacramento can do better ya’ll (amazing, right?) and that this country and its terrible citizens just cannot (Fuck you My Pillow). A listener is seeking our advice this week regarding her sons proclivity for peeing outside. Fran can really empathize here. The ladies are sharing what food items they might bring into their bed… and it gets interesting. Shit the ladies like this week highlights a local woman owned small business and some Michelin mentioned dim sum, right here in Sac.  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by the artist Sia. WTF???? Claire cannot listen to her favorite Christmas song anymore.  RED WINEOpen a bottle of your favorite, enjoy!Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter
Do you, dear listeners, love yourself a whipped cream bikini, like producer Brian does? Were your formative sexual experiences define by James Vanderbeek and the cast of varsity blues? Are you also as obsessed with prison culture as Claire is? Do you long for a prison pen pal and suggest that lonely widows out there, go seek and find them someone who is Locke up to converse with? Well then, you pour friends, are in luck! This episode waxes poetic about both of these things- and if you are as random as the ladies of ABV are, well then this episode is for you.Welcome in to episode 78, where its cold AF and we are having to turn to warm alcoholic beverages and layers of clothing to keep these socially distanced recordings up. This week in review brings the great (new ABV listeners giving Claire compliments- this was Fran’s rose BTW and highlighted hair) and the bad (Poor Claire has cats in heat, nuff said).  News of the week is bringing some hypocrisy (Gavin Newsome , come the fuck on buddy) and all the joyful jams (thank you again, Obama). A listener is seeking our advice this week regarding her widowed mother. Lady, lay off your poor mom. The ladies are sharing their favorite parts pf the male and female anatomy and Claire is getting some Jackie Warner vibes from Fran. Shit the ladies like this week highlights another instagram account, this week focusing on parenting and some amazing period underwear that Claire is reviewing!  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by a numbnuts Mississippi GOP rep- gotta love these backwards ass dummies. Apple ToddyFor the non-alcohol base:6 cups Apple Cider3 dashes Cinnamon1 Dash Nutmeg1/2-1 teaspoon orange zestBring all ingredients to a boiil, pour over 1-2 shots brandy, whiskey or bourbon. Cinnamon sticks, for garnishDid you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter
A week ago were you feeling like us, dear listeners? Depressed, anxious, frazzled, exhausted, overwhelmed? Scared, paranoid, jittery, with just a touch of 2016 election PTSD? You aren’t alone, and as a result, the ladies of ABV had to take last week off from recording. BUT WE ARE FUCKING BACK BABY! We have a COMPETENT and COMPASSIONATE President and Vice President elect and WE FEEL LIKE NEW HUMAN BEINGS! And for fucks sake, hopefully you have been celebrating these election results like we have!Welcome in to episode 77, where Claire is slowly becoming more and more Jesus like in her sold out Skims robe, and we don’t see anything wrong with that. This week in review brings the great (Both ladies are riding highborns post election) and the bad (Fran is riding the tantrum waves of her three year old and Claire had been feeling really shitty).  News of the week is shockingly positive from Fran (Corona vaccine here we come! ) and on the flip side, extremely depressing news from Claire (Alex Trebek, RIP). A listener is seeking our advice this week regarding her late husband. Buckle up kitty cats, this one is a doozy. The ladies are sharing what they enjoy the most and least about being parents in this weeks, “Ask Us Anything”. Shit the ladies like this week highlights a super cute insta account and another Netflix show.  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by the most wet blanket Kardashian/Jenner you can think of… yes it’s Kendall.  Fall Marg4 parts apple cider1 part silver tequila1 part freshly squeezed lime juice1/2 part triple secsugar, salt and cinnamon for rimApple slices, for garnishCinnamon sticks, for garnishDid you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 
Are you, dear listener, as hopeful as Claire is about our future, given the shitastic year we are having? Do you, like she does, in fact believe that these children will save us? Do you believe, as much as she does, that these children, are in fact, our future, so much so, that you will fire up that show choir voice and let loose your rendition, of said beliefs song? Well then, you are in the right place- Welcome in to episode 76, where Claire is belting out Whitney’s ‘“Greatest Love Of All” and Fran is here to admire that songbird voice. This week in review brings the great (Both ladies got some much needed family/sister time and they are feeling the feels) and the bad (Fran is muddling through the year anniversary of the loss of her dad and Claire is grieving a thanksgiving without her family members) News of the week shows us the true hypocrisy of the Republican Party (way to ram through and inept, inexperienced supreme court justice congress ) and on the flip side gives us some hope that this world isn’t going to totally be fucked (who run the world? Girls!)  A listener is seeking our advice this week regarding her years long hook-up relationship with her “friend”. This “friend” has had a girlfriend, now, wife, throughout their entire affair. Do we again tear an advice seeker apart? Yes, yes we do. The ladies are sharing their favorite halloween memories in this weeks, “Ask Us Anything”. Shit the ladies like this week highlights a Sacramento, Black owned restaurant and a Kim K Skims robe.  Lastly, this weeks hater is brought to you by Fran’s family member- kids, you better watch your step.  Gin Toddy1 1/2 ounces gin (Tanqueray London Dry Gin)3/4 ounce lemon juice (fresh)1 teaspoon sugar2 ounces hot waterGarnish: cinnamon stickTreat this like brewing a cup of tea- pour hot water over all ingredients and let steep before drinking. Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 
God Damn you 2020. Yes, we said it. Or rather, we say it, time and time again, this year is just a huge flaming piece of trash. AND NOW????? You take away one little bright spot from our lives too? Why’d you have to do it? Huh? Why’d you have to go and take Jerry from us? That mat talk. That love. That positivity. That bright personality. It’s all gone. 2020, you done did us dirty, finally and officially. The ladies of ABV are throwing in t he towel, with this weeks disturbing and depressing news. But… what did we expect from this year anyway?Welcome in to episode 75, where we officially hit the 3/4 century mark in terms of our episode count and are here to celebrate it with you- our dearest listeners. This week in review brings both the good (Fran is a blonde now and Claire enjoyed her backyard hangout with former ABV host Erica!) and the bad (Claire’s week overall was just pretty crappy and Fran has child crying PTSD/anxiety) News of the week  is breaking our hearts-Jerry (from the Netflix documentary Cheer) was charged with one count of production of child pornography and had violated, at least, 10 minor boys. He is being held in Jail without bail. Claire continues to bring the hardest hitting news to our listeners and this week is a doozy (Read Guinness Book of World Records). A listener is seeking our advice this week regarding his girlfriends relationship with his family. Is she controlling? Is his family judgmental? Is this advice seeker part of this problems? We think so. The ladies are sharing their 2020 coping strategies combatting the lows of this pandemic, this president and this shitty time,  in this weeks, “Ask Us Anything”. Shit the ladies like this week highlights a Sacramento, Black owned restaurant and another amazing Netflix doc.  Lastly, this weeks hater may be creeping around your local park. WATCH OUT! Fall Cider Sangria2 1/2 c. apple cider 3/4 c. brandy 1/2 c. fresh clementine or orange juice1/4 c. fresh lemon juice 1 1-in piece fresh ginger, peeled and very thinly sliced 2 tsp. orange bitters 4 clementines, thinly sliced 2 apples very thinly sliced Pomegranate seeds 1 750ml bottle Prosecco or other dry sparkling wine Directions In a large pitcher, stir together cider, brandy, clementine juice, lemon juice, ginger and bitters. Stir in clementine and apple slices (you can refrigerate this mixture for up to a day). 1 When ready to serve, add Prosecco. Serve over ice with a few pomegranate seeds, if desired.Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 
Ooooooooooooo lala… what do vibrators, blowjobs and ABV have in common? All three get ya going and satisfy that itch that you just needed to be scratched, duh! This weeks episode is all about the saxxxxy times, so listeners (especially our mom s and family members) beware! Pop in your head phones, don’t let your kids listen and if this weeks episode title doesn’t get you buzzin' during these terrible times in our country and world, we just don’t know what will!Welcome in to episode 74, where the vibrator content is bangin’ and the sex talk is dominating the episode.  This week in review brings listeners the good (fun times with friends getting bombed) and the bad (Fran needs sleep, its slowly breaking her). News of the week is  on the lighter side, during these heavy times Claire and Fran didn’t want to bring you down, so if you like having orgasms and everything fall related, this news is for you. A listener is seeking our advice this week regarding her contentment in her relationship-sans sex. Do you believe her? The ladies might surprise you in their lack of hate. The ladies are sharing their most embarrassing vibrator stories in this weeks, ask us anything. And they are cringeworthy. Shit the ladies like this week is skin care and food, highly predictable.  Lastly, this weeks hater is here, lets’ stop obsessing over a babies weight, mmmmkay?Craft Cocktails Hibiscus Ginger and Vodka. 1 bottle Craft Cocktails Hibiscus GingerAdd 12 oz vodka. Put in fridge for three days. Take two shots and add Fevertree Hibiscus tonic to your tasteDid you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter c
Do you, dear listeners, have any awkward celebrities run Ins that make you cringe, make you sad or break your heart (In Fran's case) just a little bit? You don't? Well, let us set the scene... it is the mid 2000's, you have never heard of coronvirus, netflix was shipped vis USPS and you got to get trashed at your favorite local haunt on the regular. You don't have a care in the world. Your childhood celebrity crush walks up to you at said bar and propositions you for some bathroom sex. Do you A) take said celebrity crush up on this offer and get down and dirty In the bathroom. B) politely decline his offer, but Instead give him some hot and heavy kisses. C) Tell that fool, give me your wallet and proceed to get kicked out the bar all by your damn self. If you haven't guessed yet, Claire chose C.Welcome in to episode 73, where the ladies are trying not to depressed by the state of this world and have been dodging c-list celebrity bullets, like it's their JOBS since '05. This week in review brings listeners the smoke free skies (friend hangouts and mini vacations) and the terrible AQI's (Vacations are the worst with Infants, are we right?). News of the week is coming at you from Universities hiring college "Influencers" to help establish safety protocols on campus and to make It look "cool". Fran also decided to share a weird article about tickling being child abuse, so there's that.  A listener is seeking our advice on how to handle a situation, where she doesn't really care for the said friends' child. Once again, we shit on a listener, great. The ladies are sharing their awkward, sad and cringe worthy celebrity run-ins in this weeks, ask us anything.  The gals are continuing to share shit they like and this week it is art for a good cause and essential reading material coming from a female Black writer. Lastly, this weeks haters are the hypocrites in our political system running RAMPANT at the moment. FUCK ALL YALL. Adult Orange JuliusLots of ice2 Tablespoons French vanilla coffee creamerVanilla Vodka (Whipped Vodka would be good, too)2/3 cup orange juice1/3 cup milksugar and orange zest for rimming glasseswhipped cream, orange zest and orange slices for servingPut all this into a blender and whir that bad boy up. Enjoy!Did you enjoy the shows intro song? Thomas Castillo and his band Creamline, created ABV’s spectacular music. If you want to hear more from Creamline, you can find them on instagram @creamline916. In need of some advice? Want to ask us something weird or embarrassing and have us answer it live? Looking to slide into our DM’s?Find us @abvpodcast on insta and twitter 
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