Tail of the Bell

In this Episode: Our guest, Carolina Vee, a grandfather-granddaughter incest survivor from Canada joins us to discuss her reliance on grit to move forward. She provides a summary of her childhood abuse, reporting to authorities, being further traumatized by the judicial process, and the aftermath of that reporting. We then focus on how she relied on grit to move forward specifically: A glimpse into what has changed in the judicial system for child victims providing testimony The impacts on her life and relationships in her late teens and twenties The gift her therapist gave her Her thoughts on "Grit" as the true indicator of success including her definition of "Grit" and its 4 interconnected components. The concept of “internal social proof” How we are the authors of our own stories   Please visit our website at www.tailofhebell.com for show notes and further information.   If you like our work, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple podcasts.   Feedback is always welcome appreciated…drop us a line at info@tailofthebell.com . YANA!

We hear various recommendations about how to keep our children safe from being sexually abused. However, we don't often hear about it as a preventable public health issue or consider it from multiple aspects. I sought out Jenny Coleman, the director of Stop It Now!, to help me explore a 360° view of child sexual abuse prevention. We discuss the topic from 4 angles: a child’s, a parent’s, the broader community, and finally from someone at-risk of abusing. I fully appreciate including consideration of someone with a propensity to abuse in this discussion is controversial, and I welcome all feedback from listeners. That said, there is not an easy answer to child sexual abuse prevention and I personally believe if we are ever going to eradicate incest we have to be open to looking at all possible prevention, treatments, and manners to hold adults and society accountable. We will return to a featured survivor’s story next episode.   Our guest, Jenny Coleman, LMHC joins us to discuss child sexual abuse prevention. In this interview, she provides a brief introduction to Stop It Now!’s founding, mission, offerings, and helpline interactions as a safe place and entry point where people can ask questions and get help.  We then focus on child sexual abuse prevention from: A Child’s viewpoint including: Giving kids the information they need Healthy sexuality Secrets vs surprises Why we can’t depend on children to prevent abuse A parent’s perspective including: Safety planning Modeling behaviors Paying attention to the behaviors of other adults A community angle including: Need for a culture shift Sex education in school / Erin’s Law Need for training and awareness on healthy sexual development An at-risk of abusing standpoint including: Holding adults accountable for their actions Offering compassion and support while holding the priority of children’s safety Partner prevention programs Goals of interactions with individuals reaching out Possibility of rehabilitation When Stop It Now! reports Please visit our website at www.tailofhebell.com for show notes and further information. If you like our work, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple podcasts. Feedback is always welcome appreciated…drop us a line at info@tailofthebell.com . YANA!

Do you ever wonder how somewhere got to where they are? Or how they had the courage and tenacity to reclaim their life after being on a challenging trajectory? In this interview she focuses on: •A brief glimpse into her childhood including the sexual abuse perpetrated by a close member of th In this episode, our incest survivor guest, Elona Washington, discusses the impact childhood degradation and abuse had on her becoming a stripper, how she changed her life, and where she is today. You’ll be amazed! Please visit our website at www.tailofhebell.com for show notes and further information. Like and follow us on Facebook at Facebook.com/TailOfTheBell If you like our work, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple podcasts. Feedback is always welcome and appreciated…drop us a line at info@tailofthebell.com . YANA!

We hear various recommendations for child sexual abuse prevention along with keeping ourselves and our children safe, such as talking to our children etc. However, we don’t often hear specifics about trainings and products that are available to help us. I wanted to explore that further and sought out Carol who I met at a Darkness to Light conference. Our guest, Carol, was sexually abused by a member of the clergy when she was a child. Now, as an adult, she is an advocate, speaker and trainer for multiple sexual assault and sexual abuse focused organizations. She is also a Damsel in Defense independent distributor. In this capacity, she provides personal protection products and safety training for sexual assault survivors, their loved ones and the public. Carol joins us to discuss child sexual abuse prevention. In this interview she focuses on: •A brief glimpse into her childhood including the sexual abuse perpetrated by a close member of the clergy as well as her family’s response •Child Sexual Abuse prevention education and the need to target 3 distinct audiences •An in-depth discussion around the Damsel in Defense SAFE Hearts 11 educational book series that help parents have those difficult “Kid-versations” as well as other personal safety products offered by Damsel in Defense (stun guns, personal alarms, pepper spray etc.) •A comparison of the SAFE Heart children series to other sexual abuse trainings including Darkness to Light’s Stewards of Children program geared towards adults and Domestic Minor Sex Trafficking •Her view on the top kid focused prevention strategies •Her recommended read, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals the Protect Us from Violence, written by Gavin de Becker •Other products and trainings such as the NRA’s Refuse to be a Victim, martial arts, Citizen’s Police Academy, and Neighborhood Watch offerings Please visit our website at www.tailofhebell.com for show notes and further information. If you like our work, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple podcasts. Feedback is always welcome appreciated…drop us a line at info@tailofthebell.com . YANA!

In this Episode: Aurora, our incest survivor guest, discusses her traumatic childhood and how she used fear and denial as a pathway to acceptance. In this interview, she focuses on: •Her childhood abuse impact on her sense of self including feeling invisible •Embracing the notion, “it’s ok to not be ok” as part of acknowledging and healing and working through body memories •Various forms of fear she experienced and the differentiation between healthy and unhealthy fears •How fear partners with denial to keep you from doing the healing work and why it’s important to move past the denial •Connecting to and building relationships with your emotions •Tools used in her healing process including writing, inner-child work, yoga, nature, play, mindfulness, somatic experience therapy and techniques, self-compassion, having a support system, affirmations etc. •Examples of somatic experience therapy techniques that were helpful to her •Tips to other survivors that may help them on their own healing journey •Various poems and authors that have inspired her •What acceptance means to her and how she’s living it Please visit our website at www.tailofhebell.com for show notes and further information. If you like our work, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple podcasts. Feedback is always welcome appreciated…drop us a line at info@tailofthebell.com . YANA!

We're back with our first episode of Tail of the Bell Season 2! In this episode, host Nancy Allen interviews Lauren Crigler, a doctor of physical therapy who specializes in pelvic floor health. Lauren coaches women in person and online who are having pain with sex, he lping them to solve the underlying pelvic floor issues, as well as communicate with their partner and reconnect with their bodies. In this session we discuss: •What a pelvic floor physical therapist is and does •Some of the ways to identify if the pelvic floor is not working properly and differentiating between short term new onset pain vs chronic long term pain •Understanding the connection between the emotional and physical aspects, specifically chronic stress and the postural muscles (including shoulders, jaw and pelvic floor) •How Lauren works with women one-on-one OR in combination with their partner to learn internal and external techniques either face-to-face in her Georgia brick-and-mortar practice as well as online through video conferences •Shifting from months or even years of abstinence or “grinning and bearing it” to sexual experiences that increase intimacy and physical pleasure •Coaching clients on positive, future focused strategies used to tell their partner about painful sex, possible partner responses, as well as to temper negative self-assessment •Stopping self-blame and fear in the therapeutic processes BY shifting mindset away from "this is something happening to me” TO "this is something that is happening for me and with me”; setting boundaries; setting both small steps and big goals; and by celebrating successes •The silver linings including a deeper more intimate relationship having worked through the problem with their partner, increased sexual desire and reaching orgasm •How Dr Crigler got into this specialty and to an online treatment model Please visit our website at www.tailofhebell.com for show notes and further information. If you like our work, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple podcasts. Feedback is always welcome appreciated…drop us a line here or at info@tailofthebell.com . YANA!

Caryn Walker, our father-daughter incest survivor guest, discusses reporting and prosecuting her father as an adult. Caryn is from the England where there is no statue of limitations on reporting child sexual abuse. In this interview, she focuses on: •Her childhood abuse suffered at the hands of both parents •The abuse turning sexual at a very young age with her father’s grooming, manipulation and her mother’s complacency •The impacts of her childhood carrying into her adult relationships •The process of reclaiming herself beginning with extracting from her abusive marriage •The build up to her decision at age 40 to break her silence and report her father’s crimes to the police •The processes experienced during reporting, trial, verdict, and sentencing •Who supported her through the process •Strategies and tips for other survivors that may be looking to prosecute •The post-trial impacts on herself, siblings, and other relationships •Writing her memoirs, “Tell Me You’re Sorry, Daddy” available at https://bit.ly/2WDN348 Please visit our website at www.tailofhebell.com for show notes and further information. If you like our work, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple podcasts. Feedback is always welcome appreciated…drop us a line here or at info@tailofthebell.com . YANA!

In this episode, Orlena Kerek, our doctor turned weight-loss and health coach expert guest, discusses self-worth and self-care. She focuses on: •Shifting from an external validation of self-worth to an internal perspective. •The connection between self-worth and self-care. •The Thought – Emotion-Action circle using both positive and negative examples •How to change our Thoughts, Emotions and Actions •Intercepting the Thought-Emotion-Action loop at each point to make the negative to positive shift •Her podcast, Fit and Fabulous and her membership offering. If you like our work, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple podcasts. Feedback is always welcome appreciated…drop us a line here or at info@tailofthebell.com . YANA!

Jade, our incest survivor guest, discusses her background with physical, emotional and sexual abuse by two primary perpetrators, her father and older brother. She then walks us through her struggles with her own healing, suicide attempts, and dealing with the death by suicide of someone close to her. Join us as she expands upon: •Understanding the varying responses to abuse by each perpetrator •Childhood life without boundaries •Ways she “normalized” the situation •Her rocky path to healing •Sensory memories •Coming to terms with the much too soon deaths of her siblings •Her crash course in self-love and reclaiming herself •Practical tips on addressing suicidal thoughts and helping survivors of suicide loss •Her book “Wake Me from the NIGHTMARE: Hope, Healing and Empowerment After Suicide Loss”

Robyn, our incest survivor guest, shares her insights on grieving all our childhood incest related losses as a path to accepting ourselves in all ways, in all parts of self, and loving ourselves through whatever we are going through. Join us as she expands upon: •Her chaotic childhood with sibling incest, parent-to-parent domestic violence, her mother’s mental illness and all the resulting shame and smallness thrust upon her •Unraveling her resurfaced lifelong survival mechanisms and patterns as she battled a major physical illness •The build-up of unprocessed losses •Finding acceptance through the full body grieving process, witnessing, shadow work, and peer support •The ultimate “gifts” of grief •How she helps others today For more information, on Robyn and topics covered, please see our show notes on the Podcast section of our website at www.TailoftheBell.com. If you enjoy this episode please subscribe, rate and review us wherever you get your podcasts!

Jenn Taylor, our incest survivor guest, shares her story of exploring, understanding, reclaiming, and ultimately embracing her sexuality. Join us as she expands upon: •Her background including physical, emotional and sexual abuse •What it was like living in a home environment where her mother was experiencing catastrophic domestic violence •Experiencing date rape •Her path to struggling with her own sexuality and her quest to “feed the beast” •The trials, tribulations, and ultimate successes on her path of reclaiming her body, her life and herself •How she stepped into fostering and adopting children •Her book, Hello my name is Princess Warrior •Her podcast, The Naked Podcaster Please see our show notes at www.TailOfTheBell.com for more details. If you like the show, please subscribe, rate and review us! Thanks!

Dr. Sharon Cohen, a dating and relationships consultant, uses my personal experiences as an incest survivor as a jump off point as we discuss: •3 stages of relationships •Incest survivors’ common concerns and tips on how to address them •Dating readiness •Trusting your choices and instincts •Non-negotiables •Handling the topic of your past •Dating practical safety tips See www.TailoftheBell.com for more information and links to stuff mentioned in this episode. See www.DrSharonCohen.com to connect with Dr. Cohen

Karina Calver, our father-daughter incest survivor guest, describes using meditation to “help channel your calmness”. Join us as she expands upon: •Her background including her traditional Indian heritage, cultural expectations around virginity, incest she experienced for roughly 15 years from the age of 5, and reclaiming herself •What meditation is and how she’s used meditation as a healing and life tool •Types of mediation (breath, guided etc.) •Meditation apps and other practical tips for beginners •Her book, A Girl’s Faith •Her thoughts on self-love and being authentically you

Lisa Bals, an experienced clinician from the Portland, Maine area expands upon some of the concepts raised by Kelly McNelis in episode #13. Join us as we discuss: •Defining shame •Shame vs Guilt •Shame as an individual experience and a product of our family of origin nurturing •The impacts of shame •Tools to intercept the shame thought/feeling/action negative cycle •What moving beyond shame feels like

Kelly McNelis, our father-daughter incest survivor guest, describes shame as “uncomfortable being in your own skin”. Join us as she expands upon: •How shame feels to her and the impacts it has had on her life •Her journey to moving past it and embracing who she is •Some practical tips she’s used to address her “monkeys in the closet” •Founding Women For One and how you can get involved with the truthtellers

In this episode Suzanne shares her story and describes her activism efforts in the pursuit of removing the shroud of shame and secrecy around incest, assisting other survivors, and promoting prevention

Rachel Grant, a sexual abuse recovery coach, discusses the brain science behind our responses to childhood sexual trauma. She helps us understand why we may get stuck, why we are triggered, and the pathway to healing. Her website may be found at RachelGrantCoaching.com and she can be reached at Coach@RachelGrantCoaching.com

Incest survivor Sherrie Allsup and police chief Wiley Gammon discuss the work with training police, colleges, and other on supporting those who report incest, rape, and other sexual assault. For more information, please visit Sherrie's website at www.couragestartswithyou.com or contact Chief Wiley Gammon at 404-756-4477 or wgammon@atlm.edu

In this episode, Carol Gerber shares her personal experience with disclosing sibling incest to parents. It is supplemented with summaries/excerpts of articles that explore the topic in more depth. The referenced articles may be found here: "Facts About Sibling Sexual Abuse" by Amy Morin, LCSW: https://www.verywellmind.com/facts-about-sibling-sexual-abuse-2610456 DOJ study - "Juveniles Who Commit Sex Offenses Against Minors": https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/ojjdp/227763.pdf 2012 Study by Wendy A Walsh, Theodore P Cross and Lisa M Jones - "Do Parents Blame or Doubt their Child More When Sexually Abused by Adolescents Versus Adults": http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/pdf/CV230.pdf ChildUSA.org

This episode focuses on experiencing physical pleasure during child sexual abuse interpreted through incest survivor Coralie Delibertis's personal story and further explored by Portland Maine based clinician Lisa Bals.