How To!

Jenn and Todd Brandel have a close, loving relationship with their father, Bruce. But one thing makes their blood boil: his political chain emails. The messages are often forwarded commentary written in a provocative tone, and are an unwelcome reminder of just how far apart the family is politically. On this episode of How To!, we’re joined by Mónica Guzmán, senior fellow for public practice at Braver Angels and author of I Never Thought Of It That Way: How To Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times. In the first of a special two-part episode on talking politics with our parents, Mónica teaches Jenn and Todd how to aim for understanding with their dad, not agreement. Next week, Jenn, Todd, and their dad Bruce will put these tips into practice—on mic—around the kitchen table, as Mónica provides post-game analysis. We’ll dive into what worked, what got a little messy, and how to keep making progress. If you liked this episode, check out: “How To Embrace Your Anti-Vax Family This Holiday Season” and “How To Talk Politics Without Wrecking Relationships.” Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How will you remember 2024? Here at How To! Headquarters, this will be the year when a bunch of very smart and insightful guests taught us how to flirt with confidence, be a mindful drinker, make bank at a yard sale, and cope with forever parenting. On this episode, co-hosts Carvell Wallace and Courtney Martin break down their favorite advice of the year and share some heart-warming updates from listeners who joined us on the show. Did we forget to mention your favorite advice of the year? Let us know with a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrea. Psst! Slate Plus members can listen to a special year-end bonus episode with Carvell and Courtney’s recommendations for books, films, and Substacks. Not a member? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sandy is a former college athlete who knows how to exercise—at least, she used to. These days, she’s feeling lost without a coach, a workout plan, or much free time. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Danielle Friedman, author of Let’s Get Physical and a contributor to the New York Times Well section. Danielle explains how to embrace movement that you love, make it fit into your life—and actually stick with it.  If you liked this episode check out: How To Start Strength Training and How To Stick to Your New Year’s Resolutions. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrea. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

André has known for years that they have to execute the estate when their parents pass. They feel wholly unprepared for the task, especially since their parents are reluctant to share any important information. On this episode of How To!: Carvell Wallace brings on M.P. Dunleavey, journalist, author of the Squished Substack, and contributor to Next Avenue where she covers aging, caregiving, and money. M.P. walks André through the important paperwork that needs to be in place and gives them guidance for working with stubborn family members.  Additional resources:  M.P.’s follow-up story on Next Avenue Area Agencies on Aging Benefits check up Estate planning checklist Creating a financial roadmap Easing family burdens Writing a will If you liked this episode check out: How To Care for an Aging Parent and How To Make Aging Easier for Everyone Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrea. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

‘Tis the season of gathering with friends and family. It’s also a time where some of us yearn for a closer community, like this week’s listener. Morgan is looking for a way to hang out with friends in a consistent, meaningful manner. On this episode of How To!, Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering, explains how to transform a lackluster hang-out where people just sit around drinking beer into a party with a purpose where guests want to come back. She tells us how to create an event that meets a need with the right rules and the right guest list. She even has tips for sprucing up your next holiday party.  If you liked this episode, check out: How To Cook One Perfect Meal. Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.   Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ezra is adrift in his early 20s. He craves a life of meaning, community, and love. But he’s struggling to find those things in a world that seems increasingly uncertain and discouraging for young people. On this existential episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings in Andrew McPeak, author, podcast host, and vice president of Growing Leaders. He tackles Ezra’s big questions and explains how Gen Z (and everyone else) can make life more meaningful.  If you liked this episode check out: How To Keep Caring Amid Endless Crises Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrea. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Contraception is a huge burden for women and people with uteruses to bear. What would it look like—on a personal, cultural, and medical level—if more men took on that responsibility? Today on How To!, a conversation about gender equity for reproductive care, from changes in sexual education to more accessible vasectomies to the development of new contraception methods. Carvell Wallace welcomes two guests: Dr. Sarah Miller, a board-certified family physician and family planning specialist at Northeast Vasectomy and Family Planning, where she provides many vasectomies. And: Dr. Brian Nguyen, associate professor of clinical obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Southern California, sub-investigator for a network of male-contraceptive clinical trials, and director of The EMERGE Lab.  If you liked this episode check out: How To Make Sexual Consent Sexy and How To Orgasm. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Heather recently joined the board of her local library, a beloved institution from her childhood. While continuing to balance her day job, she is excited to be an active and engaged member of this community-led organization. But she’s also grappling with time management and effective communication with her fellow board members. How can she express her ideas and opinions without overstepping boundaries? In this episode of How To!, host Courtney Martin welcomes nonprofit consultant Malini Sridharan who offers expert advice on navigating the challenges of community leadership and the intricacies of board dynamics. If you liked this episode check out:  Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Kevin Bendis. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Katie is terrified of dying. As the youngest in a big family, she can’t stop thinking about the fact that all her loved ones may die before she does. Katie is a comedy writer who knows how to get laughs, but her obsession with death is real, and getting in the way of living. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Rachel Menzies, a psychologist and researcher at the University of Sydney and author of Tales from the Valley of Death, to share what she’s learned about death anxiety. Exposure therapy is often the most effective way to overcome your fears, but how do you expose yourself to death? Rachel has some unusual ideas for Katie—and all of us—to take control of these intrusive thoughts, starting with lying in a body bag. Focusing deliberately on death, Rachel says, can actually help us appreciate life. If you liked this episode, check out “How To Not Be Scared.” Are you afraid of something? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As the parent of five kids, Sadie is no stranger to feeling overwhelmed. Most of her kids have left the nest, but one adult daughter has severe autism and can’t live or work on her own. Facing the end of school-based support services, Sadie has to figure out what comes next for her daughter—and for herself. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Sarah Wayland, the founder of Guiding Exceptional Parents, to talk about parenting two autistic young adults and how to ask for help.  Links mentioned:  Your Child (Young Adult!!) Is Graduating: Here’s a List of Things to Do National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI) The Arc If you liked this episode check out: How To Hack Any Bureaucracy, How To Date With a Disability, or How To Fill an Empty Nest. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To!’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrea. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Erica judges other people by default. Whether they are acquaintances, co-workers, or new arrivals in a club, her first impression is often negative. “I would like to learn how to quash that part of myself,” she says, because those judgments might be ruling out potential friendships. On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings on Dr. Terri Apter, psychologist and author of Passing Judgment: The Power of Praise & Blame in Everyday Life. Terri explains that Erica’s initial reactions are more useful than she thinks—and can help her better understand herself.  If you liked this episode check out: How To Say What You’re Thinking Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrea. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

At a new job, Jenna was put in charge of some beautiful plants that are imbued with deep significance to their co-workers. But despite Jenna’s best efforts, the plants aren’t doing so hot. Can the browning leaves, flopping stems, and dry soil be nursed back to health before it’s too late? On this episode, Carvell Wallace brings on Maria Failla, host of the Growing Joy podcast and author of Growing Joy: The Plant Lover’s Guide to Cultivating Happiness (and Plants). Maria addresses Jenna and other listeners’ questions on the How To! hotline, breaking down plant care basics and offering up practical tips to make growing houseplants fun!  If you liked this episode check out: How To Save the Planet, Starting With Your Yard and How To Restore Nature in the Heart of a City.  Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. This episode was produced by Sara McCrea and Rosemary Belson. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Correction, Oct. 9, 2024: This episode originally called Duotone Audio Group a podcast studio. Duotone is a music and sound production company. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The How To! hosts love helping listeners find the answers they need. But sometimes a host needs help, too. On this episode, Courtney Martin and her brother, Chris, open up about how their father’s dementia has led them to upend their own lives in order to become his caregivers. To help Courtney and Chris talk through what comes next, Carvell Wallace welcomes Dr. Allison Applebaum, whose book Stand by Me chronicles her own caregiving journey and her work at Memorial Sloan Kettering’s Caregivers Clinic.  If you liked this episode check out: How To Help a Loved One With Dementia and How To Make Aging Easier for Everyone Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrae. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ari always dreamed of starting his own podcast. When he started interviewing fellow academics for the Taylor Swift class he’s teaching, Ari suddenly had the perfect opportunity to turn those conversations into something called ¿What Are Taylor Swift Studies Anyways? Now he just needs to find an audience. On this meta episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Lauren Passell, founder of Tink Media and author of Podcast the Newsletter. Lauren shares creative ways to find new listeners and connect with your audience; tips that apply to all kinds of passion projects.  Resources Mentioned: Podcast Marketing Magic Podcast the Newsletter Transom NPR Training Rephonic If you liked this episode check out: How To Succeed at Social Media Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrae. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ben has two sons in the fourth grade. Like a lot of kids, they love YouTube videos, gaming, movies, and other online entertainment. Before his sons begin using social media, Ben wants to ensure they develop a good relationship with tech—and he’s ready to recruit other families at their school to agree upon some rules of engagement. On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings in Richard Culatta, CEO of the International Society for Technology in Education and ASCD. He’s also the author of Digital for Good: Raising Kids to Thrive in an Online World. He shares his refreshingly practical approach to tech, screen time, and social media.  Resources Mentioned:  Guide to create healthy conditions in schools If you liked this episode check out: How To Face the A.I. Revolution and How To Help Teachers Thrive Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson and Sara McCrae. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After a tree destroyed Tucker’s roof during a tornado, he felt lucky to be alive—and underprepared for the next disaster his family might face. On this episode, Courtney Martin welcomes back author and former How To! host Amanda Ripley to discuss emergency preparedness and how regular citizens can react smarter during a devastating event. Amanda’s newly updated book is The Unthinkable: Who Survives When Disaster Strikes—and Why.  After listening to this conversation, seek out (and save) this information:  CERT Training Your state’s homeland security website Your county’s emergency management agency  Local emergency alerts If you liked this episode check out: How To Keep Cool in a Crisis and How To Cope With Climate Anxiety. Also mentioned: How To Pick a College (and Actually Afford It) and How To Take a Gap Year Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrae. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With takeout prices on the rise, Josh wants to sharpen his home-cooking chops so he can whip up delicious dinners for himself and his wife. But this empty nester doesn’t want to spend all day in the kitchen. On this episode of How To!, co-host Courtney Martin consults award-winning chef, food writer, and New York Times Cooking pro Sohla El-Waylly for advice on meal prep, next-level seasoning, and preparing the best rice and beans. Sohla’s new cookbook is Start Here: Instructions for Becoming a Better Cook. If you liked this episode, check out How To ‘Chaos Cook’ With Samin Nosrat or How To Cook One Perfect Meal. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrae. Production for this episode by Sara McCrea. Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Several months ago, Sarah told her best friend John she’s in love with him—but he doesn’t love her back. Now Sarah can’t get John out of her head, especially because they still talk all the time. How can Sarah move on from John? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and the author of Anatomy of Love, to help Sarah train her heart—and her brain—to fall out of love. The first thing Sarah needs to do, Helen says, is cut off contact with John. Every time she sees him, it reactivates her brain circuitry for romantic love. And as beautiful as their friendship may be, it’s holding Sarah back from finding her true love.  If you liked this episode, check out “How To Propose (to a Man).” Do you have a problem in your love life? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Kate’s entire family loves to go on intense, day-long hikes. Kate does not. It’s just one of many differences that makes her feel like a black sheep. But Kate desperately wants to be close to her family—without disregarding her own desires or compromising on parts of her life. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Dr. Lucy Blake, author of No Family Is Perfect: A Guide to Embracing the Messy Reality. Lucy helps Kate find her way to a family unity that works for everyone, while also learning to celebrate their differences.   If you liked this episode check out: How To Deal With a Difficult Parent Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrae. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Cooper feels like they’re constantly falling behind on their to-do list. Life is busy and household chores are the last thing they want to do. Cooper tracks everything in a detailed spreadsheet—but that spreadsheet isn’t going to take care of the dirty dishes in the sink. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Dale Aucoin of Clean & Queer, a professional organizing business based in New York City. Dale explains how to prioritize tasks, make chores easier, and find a routine that works for you.  Links Mentioned:  Clean & Queer The Trans Guide If you liked this episode check out: How To Be a Lazy Genius and How To Style Your Home Like a Pro. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Sara McCrae. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices