The Diagnosis

Hate It Here🙄- Hypothetically by BestMedPod

This will be as excruciating to listen to and was record….just warning you from the jump. Proceed at your own discretion…Why is Steve Harvey judging folks? Do we care about Steve Harvey judging folks? Who decided that Steve Harvey judging folks should be a television series? There are just so many questions…Speaking of questions, who do you vote for in the fly suit competition…Nick Cannon or Steve Harvey? Dilapidated is the word of the day by the way. The gavel is seemingly an art project made by elementary school kids. Steve alleges to have a lot of common sense. Is this what qualifies him to be a judge? He has clerks who “conduct research” on his behalf….they really trying hard to make this appear legitimate, we’ll give them that much. Case two….this is where we find out the common sense Steve alleges has is clearly lacking. Also, RIP James…He died instantly. I’ll never look at mason jars the same again. Smh For the first time in pod history Empy and Simba agree and it’s hilarious. All in all this entire experience was horrible and we never wanna do it again. We continue to hate it here. 🙄

Empy begins by recounting her experience at a sound clash, and watching “Selfie Santa” taking endless pics of himself in his Xmas sweater.Also…..Don’t judge the fact that we are talking about Christmas in Summer….time has no meaning, so just shut up about it!We are living multiple lives simultaneously, so it all makes sense just trust us. We talk about dreams, sleep, and lack thereof. There’s a deep dive on how the grinch stole Christmas…it’s riveting and heartwarming. Question of the day: What is love? Write your answers in the comments.This is the episode that birthed the bio of our pod. If you haven’t watched Napoleon Dynamite….PLEASE do so immediately and report back with your thoughts. Has anyone counted the Unicorn giggles? Plz also drop those numbers in the comments.Simba apologizes to the universe. (We don’t know why either…) Y’all accepting his apology or nah? We don’t really have words to describe whatever it was that Simba was embodying during this podcast….and we; the women, apologize for any discomfort you may have felt…cuz same. Here’s hoping next time, shit will be back to our normal discourse of disagreements and Hating It Here🙄….

We just went 3 for 3! Thank you to the listeners, loved ones, and the haters. I appreciate it all.

We are back to depression and despair y’all! YAYSimba begins with a book review in our literature moment….(it’s new just roll with it). *Trigger warning: its bout to get intense so if you’re currently working on recovery and/or in the midst of the darkness….fast forwarding is highly recommended*As the title indicates….we are really digging deep and dark down into the depths of depression, and the hows and whys of our crazy complicated brains. There’s also talk of rage, fear and everything else in between. We’re touching on ALL the emotions in the book today y’all. Sidenote: Ebbys children do not respect her or the pod recording schedule at all. How good are you at containing your inner Hulk? Are their double standards for men and women expressing their “rage”? Leave your thoughts in the comments! We also talk about having expectations of other ppl…or at least trying to manage our expectations effectively. There is discussion of the Jesus photoshoot concert festival livestream event….link for tickets will be forthcoming! Did everyone realize the token black person has been replaced by the token LGBTQ+ person? We wanna know how everyone feels about it…..Empy has many questions and concerns and some gripes….but still everyone should live they life however they see fit! Also, if you’re passionate about the bible….Simba definitely meant to offend you. Sorry not sorry. Life is just one big prank…it’s another reason why we Hate it Here!

Can't Stop, Won't Stop, Hate It Here Records! We're back for part 2 with @itscorpy . More Non sequiturs, More hyperbole, More Gross Sisters, More Ghost Brothers, More New York. Enjoy. Cause we Hate It Here 🙄

We start out reminiscing on our pod journey thus far. First things first, we need to initiate our special guest into the darkness that is the hate it here podcast. We play all day and our friend Corpy is not yet familiar with our nonsense. We relish the darkness and wear it like our favourite pair of Ugg boots. Empy makes it clear that if anyone gets froggy, she has The Embassy and speed dial, so dont even think about it. We learn that Simba is a vampire. Well…we kinda had an idea something was weird about him anyways. Corpy had no idea what he was in for when he agreed to pod with us….we do our best to try to draw him into the dark side and he continually insists he’s better than us. Somehow we end up talking about Gods love. Which of course leads to talks of hell. We know y’all love the range! We compile the Hip-Hop government and we think we could be on to something. Geography doesn’t seem to be Corpy’s strong suit (please be sure to email him those maps y’all) There’s a deep dive on Jone’s BBQ and Foot Massage,we basically outline an entire marketing plan for them, tell them to send us a check!!We talk about going to space on the Magic School Bus rocket and paint a really vivid picture of how the trip would go. We hope you hated it here as much as Corpy did!

We start off with the inaugural award for “Most Annoyed N*^*! In the World” and if course the recipient is the one and only Simba Rawr 🙄 We celebrate the Unicorns new wheels *skrrrt skkrrt* (well two of us celebrate…one is a hater….guess who?) Empy talks about her experience at the Dave Chappelle documentary screening and how much unexpected fun she had all alone. (Also, after she tells her story, we come to the conclusion that she probably should not be allowed to attend events alone 😅) If you’re ever anxious/nervous about doing something, push yourself to do it anyways! You’ll usually be so grateful that you did. Losing friends and finding peace is a flex. We delve into death….and it’s a weird conversation cuz we are obviously very unconventional. Which tree and/or plant would you want to be planted as upon your demise? We also would like the record to reflect….Simba also wins the award for Most ANNOYING person in the world. (Maybe this is why he’s always so annoyed?)Let’s just take a moment to shoutout will smith for being that dude. That’s it. Let the record reflect, apparently, Empy HATES black men. According to Simba, her inability to enjoy a show he Thoroughly enjoyed makes her a nitpicking villain. 🤷🏾‍♀️ *insert her eyeroll here* The rest of the pod is Simba and his random stories and adventures….y’all know how he LOVES to tell a random wild tale! Hope you Hated it Here as much as we did!🙄

Women's History Month Special Starring @forced2fly by BestMedPod

First of all we are the worlds best thrupple of all time. There’s literally no competition. Also, we have no idea what we are doing….We want y’all to know this is not an act. Now let’s start with an important discussion. We, the black delegation, need a spokesperson. We would like to nominate Samuel L Jackson to be the CEO of black ppl. Whites ppl are scared of him and black ppl love him….he’s perfect!! If you are his cuzin, homie or auntie, leave your contact info in the comments so we can set up a meeting with Mister Samuel to get the ball rolling! SImba details his experience at the Dave Chappelle documentary screening in San Francisco that somehow turned into a legends of Oakland concert…. Additionally this is where we learn that Lil Jon is apparently a Bay Area legend 🤷🏾‍♀️ We learn all about N****a energy and who possess it and how they use these special spiritual powers. Simba also has a hilarious encounter with fellow Bay Area nativesThere’s a deep dive on music and movies we been listening to and watching……we can sum this up by saying, Women lack accountability in RnB music (and in real life?) and we are loving black folks in westerns!Despite our seemingly pleasant exchanges throughout this pod, we still, very much, HATE IT HERE.🙄

We start off not making sense….regular degular shit. Empy is talking to herself for 15mins while Ebby yells at her kids and Simba is mesmerized by Queen Latifah a in a camisole. Then it’s the esoteric deep dive portion of the pod. Who are we? What are we? Why are we here? When can we leave this hellhole? And such like musingsFollowed by a lot of nonsense that we don’t even know how to break down for you….Did y’all know that the saying “Ten toes down” was originally about Al Bundy from Married with Kids? It’s facts. Trust us. Also Lisa Landry from sister sister taught Mama Tina Knowles everything she knows. Black history moments brought to you by….well brought to you by us cuz we ain’t got no sponsors. There’s more pointless talking about a lot of nothing. You already know to expect the least from us. And we happily oblige! We are hopeless….and We Hate It Here🙄

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood! Especially on a Sunny Day with Sierra Salome. { IG @salome_mnspeace } Spirits are high in this jovial conversation. We start off discussing the age old question, "What Is Love?" We then delve into Sierra's journey of maturation in her artistry as well as womanhood. Things get serious when we discuss teamwork, and the "I can do it all by myself" ideology that some people live with. We end with a series of thought provoking rapid fire questions that will help the numb minded. {Powered by The DefyLife Podcast Network. Follow @godefylife on IG. Also listen to all of DefyLife's Podcasts at www.defylifepods.com}

We start off commiserating about how horrible we feel about life…..you know the vibes. Simba commences to speak truth to power…(whatever the Fukk that means 🙄) We then dive into everyone’s fav segment where Empy talks about strange and perplexing things the 10% are doing to distract us. This week it’s microchips….dissolving microchips 👀 The stimulation keeps getting wilder each and every day. Also, this seems to be in line with the overall reset happening to the collective. If given the choice, would you ask to be unplugged from the matrix or would you restart in hopes that the new OS is better? Simba continues to speak truth the power (basically he just says things passive aggressively and thinks it’s profound and uplifting 🙄) They made microchips but why haven’t they found a way to put sleep into an edible snack for our convenience?? Also, please be diligent in ensuring that you Never Ever EVER let anyone defamate your character!! We end this podcast by arguing about nonsensical things that most likely are meaningless to our listeners (we love discourse!)….sorry, not sorry. ….hate it here

Empy makes a futile attempt at trying to explain Toronto slang to Simba. It’s one of those things you just gotta experience to really absorb. With the Unicorn Ebby missing in action, this pod is noticeably sad and melancholy. We learn Empy used to run track and Simba is, in fact, a scrub. (Although he passionately agues otherwise) Is there any reason why THE ROCK is rapping?!?! People will do anything to sell a product these days and it’s NASTY. Anyways, Empy details her experience at the blue jays game and meeting “let’s do the Wave Dude”.Next time you’re at a sporting event, please play your part and be a proud ripple. Life changing! Do men care about woman’s needs? On this podcast…the answer is an emphatic NO!! We do, however, agree that all and any needs MUST be expressed if you expect them to be met or even considered (and also be prepared for them not to be met at all!) We discover that the Ebby may be a horse in unicorn’s clothing. *gasp!* Does anyone know how dead bodies are cremated? If anyone wants to sign up to be a flame arrow shooter for Simba or Empy, please leave it in the comments! ….Hate It Here🙄

Somehow we start out with a deep dive on theatre and the movie Crybaby happens? *exasperated sigh*Followed by dissecting more random shit yts did (and still do).The unicorn wants to know, what constitutes a successful date? Empy only cares about the food and/or drinks. Cuz I mean….does the rest of the date even really matter? Also, whoever initiates the date should be the one who pays. Period! AND last, but certainly not least, don’t expect to get no booty once this date is over sir or ma’am! Does anyone know what a date is? Insert more arguing….And in case you were wondering, black woken are flawless, without flaws ok! Empy babbles in about her imaginary space bubble again…Simba solicits euthanasia….and hopes to be immortalized on a mural…Unicorn is apparently our only pod listener….None of this matters anyways…..we hate it here. 🙄

Welcome to another year of your most favorite hated pod! We start off talking about how Empy allegedly hates black men. A brief synopsis of why one member of the pod is no longer here…..the long and short of it, it’s ALWAYS Simba's fault. In a plot twist, he actually takes accountability for his shortcomings. Who woulda thunk it?!We dissect the dynamics of friends and relationships and how our friends act in relationships.We learn that Women are horrible friends! How awkward when the two women on the pod agree with this statement. There’s also the notion of women using men….but lest we forget…..the patriarchy made us this way!Breaking down the male archetypes is a hilarious conversation and the namesake of this pod. Please remember to stay hydrated! Trust us, heat exhaustion is a REAL thing and you don’t wanna experience it. Also, bitches….Bitches…and BITCHES. Y’all should know the difference by now. Finally, earth is prolly exploding soon….and we can’t wait! …..Cuz we hate it here

Happy New Year! This episode is a throwback to 2019, when we had hope for our future. I sit down with @kylecapricorn_ & @Tommyboi__7 to recap our year. We discuss about our triumphs and downfalls we faced in 2019 and our goals for the unknown dread of 2020. Later in the conversation we have some fun talking relationships and manhood that will probably get us all cancelled. Love to All. Tackle 2022 with all of your energy. {Powered by The DefyLife Podcast Network. Follow @godefylife on IG. Also listen to all of DefyLife's Podcasts at www.defylifepods.com}

Welcome to a place of many exasperated sighs. Our favourite Unicorn graces is with her presence again! ✨✨Simba comes in annoying us all, as per usual. We start with time zones. (Time is not real btw) Boring Covid talk….(🙄 this is the never ending pandemic and we are over it) Followed by a deep dive on ppl that don’t bathe regularly….and…lice outbreaks? (Can’t explain how we got there but we did) Ok so it appears the mens are trying to infiltrate brunches and we are so confusion. Then it’s Drug talk!! 🤗 allegedly. (Please be safe and responsible should you partake in any drugs….again allegedly) it ain’t our fault if you have a fukked up time, you’ve been warned! We wonder why there are so many condos, literally everywhere. Stop taking away all our green spaces?!!! 🤬 We taunt our FBI agents and plot ways to trick the algorithms. Pro tip: Bookmark your porn. Trust us, you won’t regret it. Bunny somehow becomes her drivers therapist on the way to the airport. Ferrrrrrrrrnando, we are praying for you bruh! We close off by identifying Simba is actual the human version of Garfield. Miserable hater of all people, places and things. We hope you had a horrible time listeningAnd we still hate it here. 🙄

It’s the post party pod!!Empress and bunny enjoyed a night out on the town and left Simba at home. (He was overjoyed to be left alone!) Prepped with weed, portable chargers and excitement, the ladies make sure their presence is felt at the club. Bunny attempted to orchestrate her own kidnapping after the club. (Things escalated quickly, we know) We talk about escape from the escape room….barely! And of course, in true form, Simba claims he didn’t enjoy the experience at all. Predictable right?!What have we learned about each other?Bunny is a rainbow cloud of anxiety and she doesn’t believe in seasoning her eggs. Empy is untiring in a bossy bitch kinda way. (She’s also allegedly a gangsta, but you ain’t hear that here)Simba is the nicest asshole and somehow believes he’s equivalent to Drizzy Drake? And he hopes you always remember to lemon pepper his eggs. Rodney the Rooster is loud AF. All hours of the day. Don’t roosters exclusively work the morning shift?! Sidenote: in the comments vote for “ChestNuts” or “Chesticles” as we rename breasts. And speaking of breasts, why do women have to take birth control and not men?? Fukk the patriarchy. Smh.We end our vacation pods in the lowest high. You know why….we hate it here, duh! 🙄

Reunited and it feels soooo gooooooodddd!!!Finally coming to you LIVE and direct from the same location. 🤗 Simba seems to hate it here more than usual, he stares forlornly out the window for most of the pod….oh well. Empy learns that Northern Cali is NOT hot. Like At All 😕 Bunny barely makes her flight to Cali. Simba wishes he never invited us to Cali. We start off with travel stories. Empy sets a new record for fastest walk across the Golden Gate Bridge. She also earns a full sea bath on the ferry tour. SMH. But the VIEWS were breathtaking! Y’all knew Otis Redding was sitting on the dock of the bay, in “THE BAY”?!? And Too Short, plz reach out to us for a sound bite! (If he’s your cuzin leave your # in the comments) Why do black ppls events never, ever start on time?!And speaking of black, special shoutout to all Black Aunties. Y’all are always the real MVPsOne sentence: beware of government air. That’s it. Also, never analyze the lyrics to Back at One, by Brian McKnight, you’ll be gravely disappointed. Trust us. Tip of the week: when someone graciously hosts you in their home, don’t ask them to redecorate. It’s weird.Like always, We Hate It Here🙄