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Kings of Democracy

Kings of Democracy

Author: Andrew Merklinghaus

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The official podcast of the United States of America and everybody who lives in it or ever has or ever will.
54 Episodes
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What do most of our listeners and the Wright Brothers have in common?  Stay tuned to find out! (THE ANSWER IS CATONIC DEPRESSION FOLLOWED BY BEING A PRODUCTIVE INCEL)
WE WON MOTHERFUCKERS BIDEN IS KING SHIT OF ASS MOUNTIAN AND DONALD PHUMP WILL SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE SELLING RACIST BITCOIN TO FLORIDA IDIOTS! ARE YOU READY FOR SOME INCRAMENTAL HEALTH CARE REFORM TO BE ADVANCED BY AN OBSTRUCTIONIST CONGRESS THROUGH A SUPREME COURT THATS BEEN POLITICIZED FOR THE NEXT 25 YEARS! TOOT TOOT! also Andrew's high school did an all white production of the Wiz but you can't cancel me because trumps is gone bitches haha. 
All the boomers love Woodstock and never shut up about it which is cool because id rather they talk about sha-na-na than how globalists run the world by making us feel bad about saying the n word. but in reality the how thing was a murderous shit show put on by trust fund babies in an age when people didn't have cell phones. we have a subreddit now r/kingsofdemocracy GO TO IT NOW AND POST STUFF FOOL
youre fat im fat everybody is fat but why? its because we eat to much and never go outside.  but why?  corn subsidies and crime. also we are still on hiatus, i just thought this would be funny. 
UNBLOCK ME r/feminism HOW WILL WE DIALOUGE ABOUT MANDATORY ORGAN DONATION IF YOU CAN'T HEAR ALL SIDES OF THE ISSUE.  Also:*Cool SST stories*Capital Hill Autonomous Zone: A Failure or a Disaster?*A list of towns
i'm currently in free speech jail from r/feminism for TRYING TO START A DIALOGUE ABOUT CIRCUMCISION!  So while I await them coming back to their senses, i will regale you all with the time America spent $5.7 billion to not build a plane that nobody wanted.  LEAVE US A REVIEW!  
QUICK:  look at your dick.  or if you dont have one ask to look at somebody elses. there's a reasonable chance it is missing a big chunk and for basically no reason.  But why? because according to my co-worker Kyle its because it would get sand in it but IDK if i trust Kyle.  STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT.  Also Jerry is Uncircumcised.  
Thanksgiving: UNCLES UNITE!

Thanksgiving: UNCLES UNITE!

2020-08-1801:15:28

thanksgiving is the best holiday and if you doubt it i will punch your face because you are a coward. i think there should be a restaurant that just serves thanksgiving food it would do very well.  Featuring SPECIAL GUEST JJ McCullough!
Christopher Columbus does some greasy wizard stuff in Cuba and also his bones get sent to Cuba. 
this is the one that has all the stuff your blue haired cousin is mad about.  and shes not wrong.  
yee so this week were talking about Columbus who more or less accidentally stumbled on to America and it got out of hand really quick.  Also this shit in portland is getting whild huh?
hey yall hope youre doing good today we're not gonna rap on some funny history and instead kick it with my homie Ben Hurst who was born in American and raised in Africa as the child of missionaries.  He's got a lot of interesting stuff to say about America and how it interacts with the rest of the world and also hes just a funny and interesting guy.  SO PAY ATTENTION YOU STUPID MOOKS. 
hey gang sorry i lied i didn't go to the CHAZ to ask people their opinions about sex offenders because it was raining and then a guy got shot and it's officially a bad trip up there now.  but this week we're talking about sex offenders and how american created a permanent underclass of people who are punished for life for what is often a single non-violent crime and how we'd be better off if we just punted them all in to the sun.  im kinda going out on a limb with this one and i really hope yall understand that we do this shit live so occasionally we don't use the right word or get exactly what we want to say right.  if you got a bone with something we said or didn't say hit me up on istagram at kings_of_democracy or email at wtfisanamerica@gmail.com or just talk to me in person cause odds are you know me.  also i just want to unironically shout out every dude who works in childcare cause they're out trying to be good role models and break the mold that childcare is just for women.  yall heroes but not as much as the doctors but still heroes. 
Alcatraz: America's Azkaban

Alcatraz: America's Azkaban

2020-06-1601:12:30

THERES NO MORE COPS IN SEATTLE SO I'M GONNA FART ON THE MONORAIL AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME.  TODAY WE'RE TALKING ABOUT ALCATRAZ WITH HENRY RUSSEL STODDARD (PLAY ME OUT POD) WHO IS ALSO MY ROOMATE AND NOW THAT THE COPS ARE GONNA I'M GONNA SUCK HIS TOES WHILE HE'S SLEEPING
HOW TO GET PEPPER SPRAY OFF YOUR SKIN: Oleoresin capsicum is an oil, and oil and water don't mix. Think about how difficult it is to wash grease off of a cooking pan with just water -- it's almost impossible. This is because water is made up of polar molecules and grease is made up of nonpolar molecules. Polar molecules only bond with other polar molecules, and nonpolar molecules only bond with other nonpolar molecules. So no matter how much water you rinse a greasy pan with, the water will never bond with the grease and carry it down the drain.Just like grease, oleoresin capsicum oil is made of nonpolar molecules, so while drinking water or splashing your face with it may provide instant relief, it does not remove the oil or provide any lasting relief. If you're sprayed with pepper spray, there are a few things you can do.First of all, and most importantly, don't touch the affected area. Pepper spray is oil-based and can easily be spread to other parts of your body just by touching it.Blink rapidly to cause your eyes to tear up. This may help to flush some of the pepper spray out of your eyes.Wash your skin with a cleansing solution, such as hand soap, shampoo or even dish soap, and rinse with water. Soaps help break up and remove the oil when water can't.Use a "no tears" baby shampoo to help rinse the pepper spray from the eye area. Just like soap, this will help remove the oil, but you can use it on sensitive areas without causing more irritation.Emergency medical technicians usually carry some form of wipes or a solution to help treat the effects of pepper spray. If you are planning on carrying pepper spray for personal use, it might be a good idea to purchase medicated wipes that are specially designed to cleanse skin if it's been exposed to pepper spray.Featuring Andrew Rakich of Atun Shei Films
you have the right to remain silent yeah tell my wife that seriously take my wife please hahaha i jest but no seriously don't talk to cops and ask for a lawyer or they will bury you under the jail you idiot
Superman: Secretly Jewish

Superman: Secretly Jewish

2020-05-0501:21:34

Superman is America's first superhero, but no longer our best.  The best is Spiderman who is human and mortal and relatable and lives in a cool part of Queens.  But Superman is still around and we should talk about how he was how Americans saw their ideal versions of themselves, and how we no longer really like him because of the Vietnam War or whatever.  
the coast guard keeps us safe from drugs, icebergs, poseidon, lumber poaching, unmapped sandbars and of course, nor'easters.  But how did they come to exist?  why are they orange?  how many dogs do they have? 
Again sorry for dropping a bummer on ya'll during such a bummer of a time.  But just remember that no bad how things are, you could be on Death Row.  Which is double crazy because there are actually people on Death Row right now.  I don't know where I'm going with this, I'm trying to move right now so I'm kind of stressed out.  
hey guys sorry for dropping an episode about the death penalty  while you're all stuck in your houses trying to not get wuhan crunchy lung but it was the last episode i recorded before social distancing started and i think we had fun doing it and hopefully you can learn a little bit about another thing that people consider tragedy/righteous wrath of an angry god.  
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