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Bible Stories for Heathen Children
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Bible Stories for Heathen Children

Author: Robbie

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I'm Robbie, and I'll be telling family-friendly, fun, and somewhat irreverent retellings of Bible stories for kids who aren't already familiar with them. I couldn't find the stories told as myth without attempts at indoctrination, so I'm trying to do that. The audience I always have in mind for my stories are my two brilliant and sarcastic children, ages 8 and 9. Text versions will be posted for free at https://www.patreon.com/BSFHC .Subscribe to my Patreon for bonus content and early access to episodes!
46 Episodes
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This week we tell the story of a group of people who got along so well and worked together so well that God decided they had to be stopped. Before that, we revisit the stories of God creating the world, Adam and Eve, and Noah’s Ark, so we can better understand how the Tower of Babel fits into the book of Genesis. And because the Tower of Babel is an origin story for languages, we also take a look at how languages actually develop.Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
In this episode, Daniel interprets an ominous message for Nebuchadnezzar's heir. Later he must survive threats caused by the jealousy of the other wise men, as well as the hubris of a new king. Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
A sequel to the last episode from the book of Daniel. In this episode Robbie is interrupted by an important stranger from another time, King Nebuchadnezzar, here to tell a story to the world about his thrilling adventure in which God does bad things to him just because God can. Isn’t that great news?Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
38 - Daniel, Part One

38 - Daniel, Part One

2020-10-0817:31

Join us for some stories from the book of Daniel, which tell the adventures of a boy named Daniel and his three friends living in exile in Babylon. Babylon is ruled by King Nebuchadnezzar, who thinks very highly of his own leadership skills and who will kill anyone he needs to in his attempts to seek wisdom and to unify his vast conquered lands. Will Daniel and his three friends stand up for what they believe is right, even despite threats and punishment from the Babylonian ruler? Will they survive King Nebuchadnezzar's idea of justice?Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
This week we tell the story of the Israelites entering the Promised Land, 40 years after their exodus from Egypt. With Moses gone, his assistant, Joshua, steps up to lead the people. It’s a story about spying, subterfuge, and another one of God's convoluted battle plans!Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
The podcast's one-year anniversary is this month! To celebrate, we're releasing a special episode that was previously exclusive to our $5 Patrons. Robbie's younger child, K, liked the story of David and Goliath and wondered: What might it be like if it were a Dungeons and Dragons campaign? Well, with the help of the rest of the family, K offers an answer in this episode.Starring:K as the Dungeon Master (also plays Non-Player Characters like Samuel and Goliath)Robbie as SaulA as DavidLuke as God(Plug: Please consider supporting the podcast on Patreon to help keep it going. Patrons get each episode two days early, side notes for each episode, and (at the $5 level) a bonus episode every month!)Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
This week we’re talking about Satan, the Devil, the enemy of God. But telling his story isn’t straightforward, because he doesn’t really have a story of his own -- he just shows up in various other stories in the Bible. In the first section of the episode, we go on a quick tour through most of those stories and talk about how white evangelical Christianity views the devil. Then, in the second section, we use some of the elements from the traditional narrative to tell a new origin story of Lucifer, or Satan, the original freethinker. Hope you enjoy!Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
The Israelites have finally made it out of Egypt and crossed the Red Sea! Now they journey to Mount Sinai, the “mountain of God,” where God had appeared to Moses in the burning bush. But God and the people have a lot of problems and challenges ahead. What happens when enemies attack? How will the people get food and water in the desert? Can a holy god talk to his people without killing them? What happens when the new leader, Moses, disappears on the mountain for over a month? Find out in this action-packed third installment of the Exodus story.Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
The Exodus story continues! "Let my people go," God says to Pharaoh through Moses and Aaron. But Pharaoh refuses, again and again, to free the Hebrews. And so begin the ten plagues, as the God of Israel takes on the gods of Egypt, culminating in the night of Passover. But as the Hebrews finally pack up and leave in a hurry, will Pharaoh just sit and watch them go? (Spoiler: Nope!)We'll be back in two weeks for part three of the story, as the Hebrews journey into the wilderness, making their way toward the same mountain where God had spoken to Moses in the burning bush.Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
This week we begin covering one of the most important stories in the Bible, the Exodus of the Hebrews from Egypt! It happens several hundred years after the story of Joseph, which we covered in episodes 19 and 20. This week we cover the early life of Moses (that is, his first 80 years or so) and follow his adventures from Egypt to Midian and back, as God appoints him the unlikely leader of the great Exodus. I also take a few minutes at the end of the episode to discuss how important this story has been to people facing oppression throughout history. I’ll be back in two weeks for part two, featuring the showdown of the God of the Hebrews vs. the gods of Egypt!Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
The podcast returns from hiatus! I'm glad to be back! Picking up from our last episode, we follow Peter and the other disciples, er, apostles, as they preach about Jesus, perform miracles, and clash with the religious leaders. I also talk a bit about the ethical problems with mission work and with treating people with disabilities as props to advance your message.Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc. Please consider becoming a Patron there as well, to help us keep the podcast going and to get access to Patron-exclusive bonus content! This month, $5 patrons get access to a special episode where my family and I act out the story of David and Saul as a Dungeons & Dragons session.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
The adventures of Peter continue as Robbie tells some last bits of the Gospels and the beginning of the book of Acts.Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
The story of Deborah - the judge of Israel - and Jael, who defeated the bad guy. This was probably THE quintessential Girl Power Bible Story of my childhood.Come for the girl power, stay for the explanation of ancient chariots in warfare and mockery of the Canaanite commander for failing at basic war strategy.Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
 The famous tale in which a reluctant prophet is swallowed by a giant fish (or whale, depending on how didactic your Sunday School teacher was). Jonah flees God’s presence because he’s afraid he’ll be a successful prophet.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
Early Sunday morning, Mary Magdalene gathers spices and goes to Jesus’ tomb to anoint his body with them. But when she gets there, she meets someone she did not expect.The final episode in a 7 episode series about Jesus & the Easter Story.Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
The Sanhedrin votes that Jesus is guilty of blasphemy and sends him to the Roman governor, Pontius Pilate, to have him crucified. Although Pilate wants nothing to do with Jesus, in the end the religious leaders get their way, and Jesus carries his cross toward the Place of the Skull.The sixth episode in a 7 episode series about Jesus & the Easter Story.Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
After Jesus’ arrest, he is taken to the house of the high priest, Caiaphas, to stand trial before the Sanhedrin. Peter tries to follow, but when someone recognizes him as a follower of Jesus, how will he respond?The fifth episode in a 7 episode series about Jesus & the Easter Story.Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
24 - Jesus is Arrested

24 - Jesus is Arrested

2020-04-0219:33

 Jesus has "the last supper". Jesus celebrates the Passover surrounded by his closest friends, but he is afraid of being alone. He knows one of his closest friends will betray him & the rest of the disciples will scatter.This is the fourth episode in a 7 episode series about Jesus & the Easter Story. There will be 3 episodes next week to finish the series - on Thursday, Friday, and Sunday. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
Jesus is at the height of his popularity. He enters Jerusalem in a triumphant parade, purges the temple (again?), heals many people, and outsmarts the religious leaders. Jerusalem is packed with Passover visitors & Jesus is who everyone's talking about. The 3rd of 7 episodes about Jesus and the Easter story.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
The story of Jesus continues as he tries to prepare friends, enemies, and frenemies for his climactic rise and fall. The second in a series about Jesus & the Easter Story. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/bsfhc)
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