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The Smart Sex Podcast

Author: Leslie Gustafson

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Welcome to The Smart Sex Podcast – Real talk about Sex, Relationships and HOT Topics. Hi! I'm your host Leslie Gustafson, licensed Sex Therapist , Marriage & Relationship Coach & Master Psychotherapist of 30 years ( I say that humbly and for credibility so you know you are in knowledgeable, experienced hands.) I have had the privilege of being FOX TV’s Sex & Relationship Expert for 5 1/2 years as well as being a guest on Access Hollywood, and all the major networks and many radio channels. It was time to start my own show and dig in more deeply and expressively.

In the coming episodes, you can expect we will be talking A LOT about Sex – how to have amazing sex, current #sexgeek facts, hot off the press research, sex enhancing tips, sex ed, and how to expand your own eroticism and intimacy.

You will hear from experts and I will be your personal expert fielding your questions in my “askthetherapist” segments. If you’ve been following me elsewhere on social media platforms you know this is something I’ve been doing for the last 6 years. It will happen here now.

You will also be hearing from couples in love. Couples willing to tell their stories and share the intimate details of their lives and include you in how they navigate their love. You will be able to listen in on conversations between women (some of my closet, most authentic girlfriends) sharing their real lives, histories, thoughts and humor regarding sex, wife-ing, mom-ing, their relationships, what they want and their big opinions about current HOT topics

And, you will hear from men - Real Men willing to talk real about what it means to be a man in the current age and how life, sex and relationships work for them and what they want and hope for. My therapist husband will show up here too at times so I can pick his big, sexy brain and you can benefit from that.

And we will have adventures where I learn about new things, try them out and let you in on the experiences. Yes. I kept that vague on purpose.

And I hope you will tune in. I hope to entertain you! If these episodes aren’t stimulating, fun, interesting and at times lol humorous, then I’ve missed the point! So whether you listen in from the privacy of your own cars or rooms with your earbuds in or whether you gather as couples, or with friends and you listen and talk among each other. Let’s expand the conversation about SEX, LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS - be better, sexier and smarter for it & have a blast doing it! Pun intended.
39 Episodes
Today I'm excited to have a special guest, who is also my partner, my lover, and my best friend in life.We're talking about such a timely topic. "Play" is so critical to our well-being and relationships, and it has been compromised in the pandemic.Doug and I go into play in general, play individually, as a couple, and play in the bedroom. We want to inspire you to create a playful lifestyle with your partner!JOIN OUR AMAZING INTIMACY FACEBOOK TRIBE FOR COUPLES: GOLOVECBD.COM/LESLIE AND ENTER PROMO CODE "LESLIE" AT CHECKOUT FOR 10% OFF GOLOVE CBD PERSONAL LUBRICANT.
If there's an episode of The Smart Sex Podcast to listen to more than once, it's this one.Dr. Lea Lis takes us through the journey of sex education, from birth to adulthood in a way that will rock your world. She gives advice about age-appropriate conversations and behavior to model for our kids that will challenge us toward a healthy view of sex and sexuality.Lea pushes the envelope and even goes against what we view as cultural norms. Buckle up, listen closely, and no matter what stage of parenting you're in, take notes!Dr. Lea Lis is the 'Shameless Psychiatrist.' She is a double board certified Adult and Child psychiatrist, and Assistant Clinical Professor at New York Medical College. She has a bustling practice in the Hamptons where she sees patients from all family arrangements.Her book, “No Shame: Real Talk With Your Kids About Sex, Self-Confidence, and Healthy Relationships,” helps people pass down intergenerational wisdom, instead of trauma, by using modern psychotherapy techniques which she perfected throughout her many years of experience. She is an expert in the field of psychology, and hopes to change the way we speak about sex.VISIT and enter code LESLIE at checkout for $10 off Eddie by Giddy.LEAVE ME A VOICEMAIL! Go to and click the microphone to ask me a question confidentially that could be answered on an episode of the podcast.
Kim Boda, today's guest, is passionate about helping entrepreneurs and Realtors to level up and reach their highest potential through high-performance coaching, mindfulness, and neuroscience programs. She is a real estate expert at eXp Realty, a certified High-Performance Coach, Neurochangesolutions Corporate Trainer, and teaches "Mindfulness At Work" to organizations.Kim creates the real, strong, and legitimate link between mindfulness, sex, and intimacy.With her simple and practical tactics, she teaches us how to be connected with our mind and body. There is so much that we hold in our body, and without a doubt, we take that into the bedroom with us.Kim and I even do a little mindfulness practice in the episode. I hope you'll follow along with us.VISIT GOLOVECBD.COM/LESLIE AND ENTER PROMO CODE "LESLIE" AT CHECKOUT FOR 10% OFF GOLOVE CBD PERSONAL LUBRICANT.LEAVE ME A VOICEMAIL AND BE HEARD ON THE PODCAST: Visit and click on the microphone
Today's guest has a truly remarkable story of finding grit within and rising strong. After being in a terrible motorcycle accident, Amberly Lago went into a medically induced coma. She went through a painful process of 34 surgeries and a lot of physical therapy. For years she needed the assistance of a wheelchair.Today, Amberly is a health and wellness coach, TEDx speaker, podcaster, and a leading expert in the field of resilience and transformation. I'm eager for you to hear Amberly's solid advice for actually putting ourSELVES on our "to-do" list. She talks about how to impact the world around us, how to give ourselves grace through struggle, how to attract good things, and the daily practice of living in gratitude.Through her story, Amberly encourages us how to shift our perspective on life.Amberly is the best-selling author of "True Grit and Grace." She empowers people around the world by sharing her story of how she turned a tragedy into triumph. Through her book, coaching methods, and workshops, she has curated unique tools to teach others how to tap into their superpower of resilience and persevere through any of life's challenges. She offers hope and solutions for anyone (like her) living in chronic pain to live life to the fullest. Amberly has most recently been featured on NBC's The Today Show, The Doctors, Hallmark, Good Morning Lalaland, and contributed to magazines such as Shape, Fit Pregnancy, Health, and Disability Magazine.I am inspired by Amberly and her courageous spirit, and I know you will be, too.VISIT GOLOVECBD.COM/LESLIE AND ENTER PROMO CODE "LESLIE" AT CHECKOUT FOR 10% OFF GOLOVE CBD'S INTIMATE LUBRICANT.JOIN MY AMAZING YOU FACEBOOK TRIBE FOR WOMEN:
The Smart Sex Podcast is all about REAL TALK, and today's guest brings that with a side of laughter and fun. It is my honor, joy and delight to have my good friend Kathie J. join me. Kathie J. is a real life Wonder Woman. She's an Emmy award winning television host, a working mom of two beautiful girls, a wife, a daughter, a dog mom and advocate, and a #1 Morning Radio Show host of almost 20 years. She received her Best Lifestyle Host Emmy when she was co-host of Fox31's, "Colorado's Everyday Show." Kathie stays busy as a social media influencer with over 100,000 followers. Through humor, humility, and her dynamic personality, Kathie J resonates with people from all walks of life. I was a recurring guest on Kathie's show for many years and we always have a good time together.We talk about burnout, slowing down, and navigating through attaching self esteem to our work.JOIN MY AMAZING YOU FACEBOOK TRIBE FOR WOMEN:
In the identity development stage of my 20’s, many know, I struggled with body preoccupation, anorexia and bulimia which was my way of dealing with managing a loss, and feelings, particularly shame and anxiety, I felt I had no control of. It took a lot of hard therapeutic work for me to get well and ultimately shaped who I have become today.I discovered this episode’s guest on social media several years ago, and was so impressed by her knowledge and wisdom about issues that mean much so to me.Leslie Schilling, MA, RDN, CSCS, CEDRD-S, owns a Las Vegas-based coaching practice specializing in nutrition counseling for families, those of all ages with disordered eating concerns, professional athletes, and performers.In addition to running her practice, Leslie serves as the performance nutrition consultant for Cirque du Soleil® and as an expert contributor to U.S. News & World Report, sharing advice on parenting and health. With her warm, compassionate and entertaining personality, Leslie has been featured in media outlets like Health, Women's Health, Self, Pregnancy Magazine, The Yoga Journal, Bicycling, BuzzFeed, the Huffington Post and on HGTV.When she's not spending time with her family, you can find her sharing non-diet messages through media and on speaking platforms across the nation. Leslie is passionate about educating ministry, military, health, medical and fitness professionals about the harms of typical dieting behaviors. You may know Leslie best as the creator of the Born To Eat® approach and co-author of the award-winning book, Born To Eat: Whole, Healthy Foods from Baby's First Bite.Sign up for Leslie's weekly newsletter with dinner menu ideas and tips for non-diet living on her website: www.LeslieSchilling.comSome people don't even know that there is such a thing as a diet culture. Our society can be so pervasive in telling us that we have a problem that we don't have. Leslie and I dig through that, and she inspires us with a mindset shift and practical advice on how we can love our body, just the way we are.Listeners, THANK YOU for continuing to subscribe and daring to share this podcast!JOIN MY AMAZING YOU FACEBOOK TRIBE FOR WOMEN:
I have a delightful couple on this episode, and we’re going to be talking about sex, marriage, and laughter.Brittany and Ryan Ostofe cohost the podcast “The Laughing Couple,” which is #1 in Canada for Parenting and Relationships.They love to discuss the rawness of parenthood and how to create a healthy relationship through laughter and effective communication, and they did not disappoint in this conversation!By day, Brittany is the Curriculum Director for an Art company. She also runs her Instagram and Tiktok platforms with over 350,000 combined followers to empower her community of women through humor and relatability.When he’s not being an incredible Father, Ryan runs his own sales marketing business named after their two children, The Riley Cooper Group.Ryan and Brittany share with me how they manage two careers, working from home together, and how the pandemic created a breakthrough moment for their marriage in a very creative way.JOIN OUR AMAZING INTIMACY FACEBOOK TRIBE FOR COUPLES:
My husband Doug joins me to dip into the fascinating world of fantasy and imagination in the bedroom. There are many nuances and layers to this topic, but I want you to know that you are a creative and imaginative person in and out of the bedroom! Let yourself ponder that. Considering yourself and what you want to do with your inner life enhances you personally and could potentially improve your experience as a sexual person and a sexual partner.What’s fantasy all about, and what different kinds of fantasy are there? Why would we need fantasy to enhance our sexual experience? What do couples need to do to have a healthy fantasy? Are there any you shouldn’t be having? What about the “moral” issue?Join us as we talk about all this and more, and encourage you to become smarter, healthier, and sexier!SPONSOR: Enter LESLIE at checkout for 20% offJOIN OUR AMAZING INTIMACY FACEBOOK TRIBE FOR COUPLES:
In this episode, our good friend Cindy Scharkey and I talk about cultivating our sensuality as women, but guys shouldn’t be in a hurry to skip this one: there’s some good stuff in there for you too!We cover the definition of sexuality and erotic energy, how to put that into practice in one’s life and relationships, the history of what gets in our way, the need for emotional expression, mindfulness, and how to cultivate sexuality.We want to empower women and give them the freedom and encouragement to have their voice and use it to communicate what they want and need around their personhood and sexuality, even if it sometimes feels laden with fear and shame. Take up the cause of yourself, ladies. Put the work of YOURSELF on the forefront. Let yourself have what you long for: in yourself, in your life, in your sexuality, and your relationships.Cindy Scharkey, RN, BSN, is passionate about breaking the silence surrounding women’s sexuality. Through her workshops, speaking events, and private consultations, she equips women with both content and self-confidence to express, experience, and enjoy their sexuality. She also empowers parents with knowledge and confidence to be their child’s primary sexual health educator. Cindy offers sex education and resources through her free monthly newsletter and blog at
I'm bringing you a very important topic today that is very near and dear to my heart. I'm talking with an expert on love, sexuality, and dating, as it relates to Autism. Many of you may know that I have a 21-year-old son who is Autistic: high-functioning, smart, brilliant, musical, but challenged. I have wanted to do this talk, not only because it's the life stage my son is in, but there is so much to be said about this very important topic.Today's distinguished guest is my friend and colleague, Jeremy Hamburgh. Jeremy is the founder of My Best Social Life, where he is the first dating and friendship coach in the world to focus exclusively on transforming the social lives of autistic young adults. His clients make new friends, start dating, and attract a loving partner in less time than they ever thought possible. Using a science-based social strategy, Jeremy helps young adults with Autism escape their loneliness and live a vibrant social life filled with amazing friends and partners. Since 2010, his clients have met countless new people, made tons of new friends, gone on great dates, started amazing relationships, and even gotten married. Jeremy helps them do all this with a commitment to compassion and sensitivity that you won't find anywhere else.Today, Jeremy and I talk about the unique challenges that people with Autism face, what they're afraid of when it comes to intimate relationships, and Jeremy's approach to helping them discover what they want and who they want to be in relationship with, from a step-by-step, scientific approach.To learn more about Jeremy's approach to dating, go to www.mybestsociallife.comAdults with Autism who want to take his free training can visit who want to take his free training can visit
This is part 2 of my talk with three dating experts: Connell Barrett, Anwar White, and Nate Hockstra.We’re picking where we left off, with Anwar talking about rejection and how dating is a numbers game, and then we tackle hookup culture from women’s perspective, being real and vulnerable in dating relationships, developing a blueprint for what you want sexually, the fears and hesitations women and men have around sex and dating, and some pretty cool client success stories.With over 10,000 hours of one-on-one coaching and training experience, Nate Hockstra is an expert in helping men find meaningful relationships without the use of any “pick up” or game playing. You can connect with him at Ditchthegame.comConnell Barrett is the founder of Dating Transformation and a dating coach for The League. He is the author of the forthcoming book, Dating Sucks, But You Don't, a dating guide for men in the #MeToo Era. He's also an advisor for AskMen and Elite Daily, and has appeared on "Access Hollywood,” and the Today Show, as well as in Playboy, Cosmopolitan, and O, The Oprah Magazine. You can read his weekly advice column, “Ask the Dating Coach,” at White is a certified dating and relationship coach whohas helped thousands of women heal their hearts, date effectively, and get their guy! You can check him out further at Get Your Guy Coaching, or book a free consultation with him at episode is part one of our dating conversation. We're talking through what it takes to have a successful dating life: Do you need confidence? Do you need “game?” Do you need both, and how much? How do you even date during the time of COVID? Nate, Connell and Anwar all bring engaging, expert advice for all who are single.
I was delighted to have three handsome, incredible, knowledgeable dating coaches to talk about what single people are up against, how to navigate dating, and what the sexual culture is like today. This panel of experts is going to give you the inside scoop on what to do.With over 10,000 hours of one-on-one coaching and training experience, Nate Hockstra is an expert in helping men find meaningful relationships without the use of any “pick up” or game playing. You can connect with him at Ditchthegame.comConnell Barrett is the founder of Dating Transformation and a dating coach for The League. He is the author of the forthcoming book, Dating Sucks, But You Don't, a dating guide for men in the #MeToo Era. He's also an advisor for AskMen and Elite Daily, and has appeared on "Access Hollywood,” and the Today Show, as well as in Playboy, Cosmopolitan, and O, The Oprah Magazine. You can read his weekly advice column, “Ask the Dating Coach,” at White is a certified dating and relationship coach whohas helped thousands of women heal their hearts, date effectively, and get their guy! You can check him out further at Get Your Guy Coaching, or book a free consultation with him at episode is part one of our dating conversation. We're talking through what it takes to have a successful dating life: Do you need confidence? Do you need “game?” Do you need both, and how much? How do you even date during the time of COVID? Nate, Connell and Anwar all bring engaging, expert advice for all who are single.Stay tuned for part two, which will air next week!
The subject of porn is not one that many people talk about openly. As a Sex Therapist, I have talked with so many couples about this issue. We dig deep around the topic: not just for men, but also for women and couples together.Is it okay for couples to watch porn together as a way of enhancing their relationship? What about women and erotica? Does it have some of the same effects as pornography and the compulsivity that men can form around it?Together with my husband Doug, and my producer Kristen, who will be asking the questions, we’re going to uncover - or XXcavate - the truth.
There is an epidemic in our world and nation today that is of great concern to all of us. While the conversation can be hard and uncomfortable at times, there is much that needs to be known and understood about sex trafficking which is currently happening at astounding rates. I sat down with Madyson Marquette, who was trafficked for almost a decade as a porn star. Madyson has bravely spoken out about her time in the porn industry and how it altered her life and how she gained her voice and took her freedom back. Madyson was beaten, tortured, and held prisoner by people who claimed to own her. She has since broken free from that captive life and continues to fight and use her voice to help set others free from the injustice of sex trafficking. She strongly believes in the power to be heard and that if we stand together in this fight, if we rise up against it and show love, then we can change the world.I asked Madyson about the emotions of going through a life abuse from childhood and her process of breaking free. She is incredibly vulnerable and brave with her answers. It brought me to tears.I must warn you that this episode is not safe for children and it may be triggering for some, as there is discussion about trafficking, rape, and sexual abuse. If you fear someone you know may be a victim of sex trafficking, or if you need help, please call 1-888-373-7888. You can also text the word “help” to 233733.The National Human Trafficking Hotline is a national, toll-free hotline available to answer calls from anywhere in the country, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, every day of the year. The Hotline is not a law enforcement or immigration authority and is operated by a nongovernmental organization funded by the Federal government.
Happy, happy birthday, to The Smart Sex Podcast! Despite the complexities and sometimes the taboo of sex, and even in the midst of a pandemic, it has been a full, rich year of discussing intimacy and hot topics with you. I am so thrilled that you have been on this journey with me, and that you are so eager to learn more about sex, sexuality, and relationships.We’ve had some extraordinary moments on the show, and I want to highlight some that you may have missed, or that just need to be repeated. We have taken a few moments from the most popular episodes and gathered them all together here, on this, the anniversary show. We’re going to cover everything from, "How long does it take for a woman to really get in the mood and have an orgasm?” to, "What is foreplay outside of the bedroom?” I even answer the question, “Does size really matter?” Spoiler alert: my answer has changed over the years!So sit back (or buckle up!) and enjoy some of the best moments of The Smart Sex Podcast so far!
On today’s episode, you’ll be hearing me interviewed by my good friend, Kristen Wheeler, producer of this show.The podcast today is for women and the guys who love them and could easily serve as a nice prompt for a mother-daughter or parent-daughter conversation about sex. We get real about sex and our sexuality as women, and WHY sex is so important for women, even when it doesn’t always feel like it. I talk about the benefits of sex, and some practical tips about how sex can actually be fun, enjoyable, and not a chore or something to check off a list.Men can (and should) pay attention, too. This episode is both a primer for a conversation about female sexuality and a sex-positive encouragement.Your listening, subscribing, and telling your friends and your partner keep this show going!
“The Girlfriends” and I talk about the impact of having kids at home 24/7 has had on their sex lives.They talk about getting creative in the bedroom when the kids are always, ALWAYS home. How can it be done? Is walking in on your parents having sex a traumatic experience or a rite of passage? We answer these questions and more, as we talk about how gaming headsets, iPads, suckers, and “prayer” all have to do with having sex.
According to an NBC news poll, 24% of couples say that the extra time at home has positively affected their sex life, and a whopping 47% said it has negatively affected their sex life. According to eHarmony, 14% of couples have realized that their relationship is over, while 4% of people uncovered a virtual affair, and 3% have uncovered an affair in real life. Where do you and your significant other stand when it comes to these statistics? “The Girlfriends,” Jamie, Lori, Kristen and Laurel, talk with me about how the pandemic has positively and negatively affected intimacy with their spouses, their relationship roles, the mystery of romance and sexual attraction during COVID-19, and even how their Enneagram numbers have impacted how they respond during crisis. They all answer this question: Has the quarantine given you more time to focus on your relationship, or has it highlighted your issues?Tune in to find out the answers from The Girlfriends!Thank you for listening, subscribing and sharing The Smart Sex Podcast. Tap “subscribe” to be the first to know about new episodes!Website: http://thesmartsexpodcast.comInstagram: @LeslieNewbyGustaf
Dr. Lea Lis, double board certified Adult and Child Psychiatrist and Author of the book, "No Shame - Real Talk with Your Kids About Sex, Self Confidence and Healthy Relationships" * joins Leslie to talk about all things teens, sexuality, relationship development, parenting and how to help teens navigate their boundaries confidently.Dr. Lis is a true expert in child psychology and sexuality and is changing the way we talk to our kids about sex which lends itself beautifully to this deep and open dialogue about what healthy teenand parent relationships need to look and sound like.If you are a parent of a child, this Episode 20 is not to be missed. You will be challenged, educated and encouraged. Perhaps more importantly, your eyes will be opened around the critical need for understanding your own journey through sex and relationships and how to help empower yourself and your children and teens through theirs.*Dr. Lea Lis is the Shameless Psychiatrist.Dr. Lis is a medical doctor who is a double board certified Adult and Child Psychiatrist. She has been working with families since the beginning of her psychiatric career. She is uniquely positioned to help parents and children face many mental health challenges and live healthy lives. During her training and residency at St. Vincent’s Hospital in New York and New York University, and her private psychiatric practice (Mindful Kid), she has developed expertise in working with modern families of all types. Psychiatry and medicine is Dr. Lis’ calling since age 15 when she started working at Hillside Psychiatric Hospital. She has a thriving clinical practice where she sees adults and children with all types of mental health issues in Southampton, New York. She has a well received column on Psychology Today and Thrive Global, and has appeared as an expert on parenting in programming by ABC, CBS and NBC. She has been featured in numerous media outlets such as The Chicago Tribune, The Washington Post, and in niche publications like Good Housekeeping, Purist Magazine and Psychiatric News. She has been interviewed as an expert on multiple podcasts. Dr. Lea is active in the American Psychiatric Association, having served as a member of their National Ethics Committee and on the Board of Trustees. She served as Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at New York University Medical Center, and has presented numerous symposia and workshops at the annual APA meetings and at the meetings of the Institute of Psychiatric Services. Her Academic publications have appeared in the Journal of Psychiatric Practice and the Journal of Academic Psychiatry.Thank you for listening to The Smart Sex Podcast. Please SUBSCRIBE as doing so keeps this podcast alive.Leslie Gustafson, Sex & Relationship Therapist, Coach & Host can be found on all major social media platforms @LeslieGustafson1 of Leslie Gustafson.
Men are curious and want to know many things about sexuality and how sex works for their partner. In this episode, Doug Gustafson, Men's Coach asks Leslie the many questions men wonder about including: "Why does sex have to be so hard and complicated?" "Why does my wife never seem to initiate sex?' "What can I do about my anger and frustration around being sexually rejected?" "I have a huge sex drive and my wife doesn't, now what?" "How come I can't always tell if my wife has had an orgasm and what can I do?"Many other topics and questions arose during the talk including: The difference between men's and women's sexual fantasies and sexual desire. What is underneath men's sexual frustration and the personal and relational "fix" for it.The role of fear of not getting sexual needs met and men's sex "drive"."Does pornography work as an antidote to a difference in sexual desire?"How couples can work through and negotiate their sexual life in all it's nuance.Why men's pursuit of their partners often fails.The truth about "sexual incompatibility" and what to do. The episode takes an unexpected in the latter part of the episode when Doug asksabout why affairs happen and if men (and women) can get the passion back after the affair and how A rich dialogue that will likely surface again in a future episode was begun.THANK YOU for listening, subscribing and sharing The Smart Sex Podcast!!Leslie Gustafson can be found all on all social media platforms:Instagram: @LeslieGustafson1Facebook: Leslie GustafsonTikTok: @LeslieNewbyGustaf
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