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True North with Abby & Ryan
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True North with Abby & Ryan

Author: Abby & Ryan

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Abby (gratitude warrior & life coach) & Ryan (energy healer and artist) have an ongoingconversation about personal development, emotional wellness, and how to take cues from our bodies, minds, and experiences to find opportunities to grow as human beings.We share nuggets from our own journeys and coach each other towards wholeness andhealing, in hopes that our audience will take our invitation to grow alongside us.
74 Episodes
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Abby & Ryan Get True Northy

Abby & Ryan Get True Northy

2021-11-0501:07:35

Abby brings the questions and we ruminate on True Northy stuff."Forgive and forget" needs to be replaced by "Forgive and set boundaries." It's less catchy but man does it work better."An eye for an eye" (e.g. death penalty for murderers) is a terrible way to handle wrongdoing."My job in the life of those I love is to make it safe for them to find their own way, without any undue pressure from anyone - including me."  -Ryan's Uncle"Insist on yourself." -Ralph Waldo Emerson"All your time is free time; you're always free to do what you please. Sometimes, what pleases you most is fulfilling your commitments or taking care of others." - Ryan's Spirit GuideWhat's something from today you'd like to take into tomorrow? That's what you're grateful for.TIME CODES:3:13 - Which is more important: Actions or Intentions?6:11 - Which is more important: Justice (accountability & boundaries) or Forgiveness?21:14 - Kellsterrrrrrr heard "Bowser"21:39 - Can empathy be taught?50:50 - Who is your Wayfinder?  GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that he burned his hand with 400-degree bacon grease.Abby is grateful that she's able to teach educators about the true power of gratitude. MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🎒⛵️🎩🧜‍♀️ 🦜
The game is simple. Ryan rolls 5 dice, and both of them reveal what they would say if they could talk to the people they were at the age shown on the dice.Also Ryan can't #math.AGES:2:48 - Age 1713:00 - Age 2324:29 - Age 1242:22 - Age 15Fun twist ending: Look yourself in the mirror and tell your present self all the things you told these past versions of yourself.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful that she went through darkness by which she can understand the light.Ryan is grateful for the people who have responded well to him bringing stuff up he was worried would start fights.MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com✨🦋✨👖🎵
Can People Change?

Can People Change?

2021-10-1501:13:52

 There's no such thing as "Capital-T Trauma." Emotional trauma is simply any experience that drives us to deny parts of ourselves for the sake of staying safe.Alexithymia (not feeling our feelings) can be attributed to trauma: we have experiences that drive us to close and lock doors in our "mansions of self," but in doing so, we lock away our access to the emotions attached to those experiences. Can we change??Conditioning/programming? Ryan says no, Abby says yes. Ryan eventually says maybe.Actions/behaviors? Abby & Ryan agree that we can absolutely change those.Nature vs. Nurture. The stuff we can change is nurture, but we mistake a LOT of nurture stuff for nature stuff.The Transtheoretical Change ModelPre-contemplation (unconscious incompetence) - Grief: DenialContemplation (conscious incompetence A) - Grief: AngerPreparation (conscious incompetence B) - Grief: BargainingAction (conscious competence) - Grief: DepressionMaintenance (unconscious competence) - Grief: AcceptanceWhen you're an adult working through this cycle, your inner traumatized child has already gone through it (the trauma was the first change cycle), and is in maintenance mode. The change cycle you go through as an adult is the process of healing from the part of you that's in maintenance mode.GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that Abby gave him clarity on his message during this episode.Abby is grateful for the people in her life who give her opportunities to practice choosing to be her best self.TIME CODES:3:00 - Body Tests7:15 - Alexithymia & Trauma18:21 - Can people really change?45:40 - The Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change    MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🏺 🥓🍇🤷‍♀️
Abby Refines Her True North

Abby Refines Her True North

2021-10-0101:04:52

**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**  "The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"  Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST  $35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses  ----------------** 'NOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT: Abby is leaving the True North Tribe** ---------------- Following your True North means frequently realigning to make sure you're still headed toward your True North. This can mean letting go of things that served you when you started them, but which don't serve you now.   When reevaluating your commitments/agreements, ask yourself WHY you made them, and WHY you're still choosing to keep them. Ideally......you'll say yes to things only because they align with you....you'll say no to things only because they don't align with you.If the answer is something else, ask yourself if you really need to continue keeping that commitment, and ask what it would look like to leave it behind and create space for things that are more aligned with you.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for her father-in-law.Ryan is grateful that Abby continues to show up with her raw self.   MODEETS:Register for our live event at truenorth11.comJoin our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.com😩😫😭
Boundaries vs. Censorship

Boundaries vs. Censorship

2021-09-2501:10:20

**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!** "The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor" Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST $35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses  ----------------'Nother announcement: Ryan's audio is still bad. Boo.----------------Question from a Tribe member: "Perhaps censorship is when you feel forced to censor you speech/actions from an external source (like someone else is shutting you down) and a boundary is when you choose for yourself not to engage?"  Censorship is controlling what others are allowed to put out.Setting boundaries is managing what you allow yourself to take in.Boundaries aren't a control mechanism because people always have the option to ignore them. No one is being robbed of their autonomy."No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleanor RooseveltGRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for our newest tribe member, whose timing represents a fresh start in his mind.Abby is grateful for the people in her life who are willing to tell her how they feel, even if they anticipate she won't react in love and light.TIME CODES:1:11 - Question of the episode6:56 - Boundaries in relationships20:45 - Why boundaries aren't censorship28:58 - When is it okay to censor people?44:19 - Is it toxic or are you just offended?  MODEETS:Register for our live event at truenorth11.comJoin our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.com📦🐢🦆☕️
**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**"The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST$35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses----------------Also, Ryan's audio is bad cause computers and software are rude.QUESTION: a) What's a part of yourself you have difficulty accepting? b) What part of yourself do you have no problem accepting?RYAN: a) The parts of me that demonstrate I still have growing to do (TikTok example: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRCw1cxB/)ABBY: a) The part of me that has influence on others and makes a positive difference b) The part of me that's a pillar of strength for those going through difficultyHow do we balance between meeting people where they are and letting them be where they are on their own personal journey, and speaking up to create a world you believe is in everyone's highest good? One seems to demand staying out of other people's way and releasing what's out of our control, and the other seems to demand exerting control over others if we perceive they're headed toward harming themselves or others. Where do we draw the line in terms of imposing our "shoulds" on others to prevent them from causing harm?"The shortest distance between two people is a story" -Patti DighGRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for Cathy Cassani-Adams' new book, Zen Parenting: Caring for Ourselves and Our Children in an Unpredictable World. Pre-order here: https://found.ee/ZenParentingAbby is grateful that we live in a world where all these social justice conversations are even happeningTIME CODES:1:43 - Question of the Episode5:54 - Men making the world unsafe for women23:55 - Abby pokes at why Ryan spoke up43:03 - Start with your story and go from there  MODEETS:Register for our live event at truenorth11.comJoin our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.com🍌🐢🥓
**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**"The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST$35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses----------------In this episode, we talk about GUILT.“Guilt is anger directed at ourselves — at what we did or did not do.” — Peter McWilliams"Guilt is something abusers use to control you." — a True North Tribe memberDefining our terms:Regret: "I dislike that the past is what it is."Remorse: "I dislike that I contributed to someone else's suffering."Guilt: "Someone else dislikes what I did/am doing/want to do."Guilt = a "should" + not being here (someone else's business) AND/OR not being now (past actions or future plans)Antidote to guilt: mindfulness, presence, staying in your business.Your brain is always working to figure out how to systematize life so that it can run on autopilot as often as possible. You can shift your autopilot into a habit of asking yourself if you're being your best in this moment.Need a nervous system reset? Leave the environment, move your body, wash your hands.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful people and organizations who are here to help others through the challenges of going through suicide and childhood cancer.Ryan is grateful that the pro-women's rights folks in Texas are exercising their own power to build the world they want to live in (re: Texas SB8 and the women's march coming up on 10/2)TIME CODES:7:51 - Topic: Guilt11:39 - Regret vs. Remorse vs. Guilt14:14 - Q: Is guilt possible if we're in our own business?25:21 - Mommy Guilt & Patriarchy46:45 - Body work to re-centerMODEETS:Register for our live event at truenorth11.comJoin our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.com🥩🍟🥐🍇
Emotional Maturity

Emotional Maturity

2021-09-0301:13:07

**MOST IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Abby is on TikTok @indigoabby****SECOND MOST IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**"The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST$35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses----------------In this episode, we dig into what emotional maturity means, and venture into discussing emotional regulation and relationship dynamics.Do you come from a place of victimhood or empowerment?Do you own your own shit?Do you own other people's shit?Are you in the habit of being aware of your emotional situation?When someone triggers you:Own that the fact that YOU'RE offended has everything to do with YOU (someone else could've experienced the exact same thing and not been offended). You can do that work with yourself without any participation/requirement from them.Understand that if they MEANT to hurt you, they have their own wounds that THEY need to heal. They can do that work with themselves with no participation/requirement from you.You can each be a part of each other's healing process IF you are BOTH willing AND able.If you want to know what you're here to learn, look at what your parents suck at.GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for BECCA CHOATEAbby is grateful that her sister Sarah is in town!!1:27 - Abby's on TikTok!4:34 - Q: What does "Emotional Maturity" mean to you?24:35 - Emotional Regulation37:14 - Real-life examplesMODEETS:Register for our live event at truenorth11.comJoin our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.com🔨🐉🎵🏠
QUESTION: Can you operate in victim consciousness AND be in your True North simultaneously?Drama Triangle —> Empowerment TriangleVictim / Persecutor / Rescuer —> Creator / Challenger / CoachYour "True North Self" is not some unassailably healthy version of yourself; it's the version of yourself that:Notices when you're operating in victim consciousnessCompassionately meets yourself where you areRegularly reorients yourself toward your True NorthHow do you move from victimhood into health?Ryan - Realize that it's a better situation for you and everyone around you when you're in health, just as it's a worse situation for you and everyone else when you're not.Abby - Get out of your head and into your body, move around, be outside, breathe, and reset your nervous system.HRV - Heart Rate VariabilityWHOOP Your Way (https://shop.whoop.com/products/whoop-your-way-kit/) gives you real-time feedback on the state of your nervous system.HeartMath emWave2 (https://store.heartmath.com/emwave2/) helps you train yourself to use breathwork to bring your nervous system into coherence using HRV feedback.GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for the mess in his office that resulted from his toddler playing in there while he worked throughout the week.Abby is grateful for gratitude (that's not cheating, it's meta)TIME CODES:8:46 - Drama Triangle exercise27:51 - What moves you from victimhood to health?36:27 - HRV tracking & training54:05 - ABBY'S GONNA MAKE A TIKTOKMODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com😭🐓👞💩
We're switching it up to 10-episode seasons with 2-week breaks between, for the foreseeable future.QUESTION: How are you a different person now than you were at the end of last season?Abby - Learned the importance of restRyan - Accidentally became an influencerCan we make progress without setting goals? Yes. Set intentions instead, and stay in the present, meeting yourself with acceptance and compassion.As we grow and change, it's helpful to assess our goals, values, and definitions, to make sure they grow up with us. If they served us then but don't serve us now, and we don't realize that, pulling ourselves towards those values and definitions becomes a step back, not forward.Drama Triangle —> Empowerment TriangleVictim / Persecutor / Rescuer —> Creator / Challenger / CoachGRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that we came back for season 2!Abby is grateful for the resting she did over the break.TIME CODES:5:17 - Question of the episode11:52 - Ryan's foray into TikTok30:24 - Are we making progress?44:35 - Abby digs deeper: Authenticity55:30 - Parenting and ModelingMODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🌊🥩🥯🐗
Dream analysis is a powerful tool to investigate your interiors. And the best part is, your beliefs about the nature of dreams (random meaningless neuron firings, astral projection, everything in between) have no bearing on how useful this practice can be. It's less about what a dream is and what's "really" happening when we dream, and more about what we do with our dreams in our waking hours. Here's the tool:Narrate your dream in as much detail as possible.Identify symbols (you decide what they are).Become each symbol long enough to answer these two questions:What are three words that describe you?What is your function / how are you here to help?Re-narrate your dream, replacing the concrete name of each symbol with language referring to the descriptors and function.Investigate which parts of your waking life are being represented by these symbols.Consider how the symbols show up in the dream, and how they fit into / influence the narrative.By now, you've probably already made all the connections you were meant to.This is the end of Season 1! We'll be back in the Fall. We love you all.GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that this podcast even happened.Abby is grateful for cancer. Yes, really. Just listen. TIME CODES:9:00 - Ryan recounts the dream.15:35 - Abby walks Ryan through the symbols.36:30 - Ryan retells the dream.48:15 - Abby & Ryan analyze the dream.MORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🥩🥧💨🥐
Visiting the past and future in healthy ways:Visit, but don't live thereBe mindful of what you bring back to the presentWhat to bring back from the Past: Gratitude.What NOT to bring back from the Past: Remorse, Regret, Self-Judgment, Rumination.What to bring back from the Future: Open-Minded Anticipation.What NOT to bring back from the Future: Fear, Controlling Motivations, Baseless Projection.Regret: "I'm suffering the consequences of what I did."Remorse: "You're suffering the consequences of what I did."If you're habitually in the past/future and being present takes effort, it's probably best for you to stay out of the past/future;If you're habitually in the present and visiting the past/future takes effort, it's probably safe for you to visit the past/future.MINDFULNESS IS A GREAT WAY TO CULTIVATE PRESENCESingle-tasking is a great way to be mindful.There are not backward steps. Not in relationships, not in your own growth journey, not in potty training. Every step is a forward step: The thing you think you might be moving back to weren't built upon the foundation of everything that's happened in your life since then.Your mental/emotional/spiritual growth is not a straight line.You don't acquire tools - you just sequentially realize you've always had access to them (like owning DVD's vs. subscribing to a streaming service).Not using your tools doesn't mean you haven't learned how to use them.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for her neighborhood community.Ryan is grateful that he's been recording his dreams. TIME CODES:1:30 - Healthy Past/Future13:46 - Regret vs. Remorse22:08 - Mindfulness and Singletasking28:42 - Moving BackwardsMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🥖🍇🍟🥩
Ryan has recently gotten feedback in two of his close relationships, and we debrief how he's responded, both internally and externally.RSP (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) can come into play whenever we receive negative feedback. Perhaps you feel rejected by the other person, but it's also possible you reject yourself, and then react to that self-rejection. It's usually both.A process we settled on:When receiving the feedback, notice how you feel.Feeling defensive or hurt? Acknowledge the feedback, express gratitude for it, and step back to sort out your interiors.Ask yourself what you're afraid of, what you feel the need to protect/defend yourself from, and where in you those fears/impulses might come from.Use your tools. Reparent, self compassion, self acceptance, surrender to what is, become the observer, journal, take it to your therapist, take a walk and talk to yourself, you know the drill.Ask the forward-moving questions. What do you need to own? What's not yours to own? Do you need to make reparations? Is it in everyone's highest good to mend the relationship? Are you ready for that conversation? Are they?Check your motivations. Do you want to repair because disrepair is uncomfortable for you? Are you looking to escape feeling rejected or unwanted? Is your sense of worth tied to whether or not others accept you? Are you trying to control the other person or the relationship? If yes to any of these, keep doing the work.If you do move into repair, lead with listening. Hold space for them to share their experience and their interiors, and honor those as just as valid as your own. Detach from outcomes, and prioritize connection over restoration, and being curious over being right. Be okay with the conversation not going the way you hoped it would.Ego's place in the spectrum: THE MIDDLE.One end: Control. If Ego is at the wheel, you're gonna try to control everything, which is impossible and unhealthy.The other end: Apathy. If you can't control everything, Ego is tempted to decide it shouldn't try to control anything, which is unrealistic and unhealthy.The middle: Surrender. You control yourself and stop trying to control everything else. YOU give your Ego what it wants, or it will try to take it from others (affirmation, love, validation, attention, protection).GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for HERSELF.Ryan is grateful for the two people in his life who gave him the feedback that sparked this episode.TIME CODES:5:25 - Ryan's two relationships25:22 - YOU ARE YOUR OWN MEASURING STICK33:50 - Keeping Ego in its LaneMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com👊🐛🚙🌊
Abby & Ryan Resist Change

Abby & Ryan Resist Change

2021-04-2301:11:11

“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”- Tony Robbins (probably)WHY DO WE RESIST CHANGE??LOSS. There's a loss, which means pain. Even if there's a gain, it's unknown; the loss is always known. Known is more comfortable than unknown.ANTICIPATION & PREDICTABILITY. A 2016 study showed that "knowing that there is a small chance of getting a painful electric shock can lead to significantly more stress than knowing that you will definitely be shocked." (https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/03/160329101037.htm)CONTROL. Intentionally maintaining a painful circumstance gives a sense of control, whereas moving into the unknown is a loss of your sense of control. Feeling out of control is often more uncomfortable than the pain of the present moment.ATTACHMENT TO OUTCOMES. A change threatens the possibility of arriving at a specific future you want to reach.ANTIDOTES:SURRENDER. Know what you can't control, and stop trying to control it.PRESENCE. Get out of the past and future, and come back to now.SELF ACCEPTANCE. Disengage from stories about how circumstances (preferable or painful, real or imaginary) affect your value or identity.“We are often more threatened by the possibility of a relationship with others changing than the possibility of the relationship with ourselves staying the same.”- Vienna PharaonTHE CHANGE CYCLE:Dissolution - change happens, the status becomes not-quo, and suffering takes hold.Adjustment - you formulate a plan to adjust to the new thing.Integration - Your new plan becomes a new way of life.Maintenance - The new status becomes quo. I realize I'm using that phrase horribly.*** Moving from 4 to 1 feels like three steps back, but it's really one step forward. It's the Change Cycle, not the Change Unidirectional Linear Progression ***THE BECKARD-HARRIS CHANGE EQUATION: D x V + F > RD = Dissatisfaction with the present circumstanceV = Vision for what the future could beF = First Steps (putting on your shoes and getting to the running trail)R = Resistance to changeGRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for his dad.Abby is grateful for her clients who are really doing the work.TIME CODES:19:43 - The Change Cycle31:32 - Alexander John Shaia - The four gospels and the cycle of change: https://amzn.to/3tYS1Gt1:00:12 - The Beckard-Harris Change EquationWHAT OUR TRIBE IS UP TO:Feed the Birdies - CWPencils.comThe Mama Collective Coffee Chat - Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86127595900A Woman Without A Man - OneCraftyWidow.comMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🥪🌊🍀🦃🥧
Do your emotions have to attach to stories? Everything but the emotion is in your head."I'm afraid OF ______""I'm happy ABOUT ______""I'm angry AT  ______"IMPORTANT POINTS ABOUT THAT: "Story" doesn't refer to the facts; it refers to what you make those facts mean for you."In your head" and "imaginary" don't mean "not valid" or "not real.""Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is or power to choose our response" -Viktor FranklTurn your Inner Critic into an Inner Advisor:Use it to help you in the present rather than scrutinize the past.Decide to believe it has your best interest at heart and isn't trying to hurt you.TOOLS TO HABITUALIZE PRESENCE!!Spend a week being intensively on the lookout for what you feel, what sparks those feelings, and what stories in your head are attached to them. Just get in the habit of noticing.Become an observer to your behaviors, actions, and responses to stimuli.Bullet journal, set reminders on your phone, recruit loved ones to check in. Do whatever works with your wiring to keep it on the forefront of your mind during your "training period."Gratitude is your friend.No judging yourself. Period.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for her son, and for his teacher.Ryan is grateful for his son, and that's it.TIME CODES:2:34 - The problems we make for ourselves5:30 - Emotions linking to stories8:19 - Real fear vs. perceived fear10:32 - Choosing our response15:32 - Stories in your head can still be legit23:59 - Inner Critic --> Inner Advisor31:11 - Tools!MORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🥪🍟🚽🥐🥓🐰
Reasons to do your thing:It brings you life.To elicit reactions, positive and negative - NOT to help you hone your content based on the feedback. - BUT to help you decide how much weight feedback should have. (Marcus Aurelius)You have to get through the shit to get to the gold. (quantity over quality)You’ll discover yourself in ways you couldn’t without it.Reasons to stop:When the work is complete (this also applies to relationships).When it FEELS like work (burnout). - NOT “if something feels like work, stop." - BUT “if the thing you do specifically because it’s a life-bringer starts to feel like a life-drainer, pause to reevaluate”:      • What’s life-giving about it? Can you transpose that into a less draining activity?      • When did it become not that? What entered the picture that stole the life? (usually money)      • Maybe you need to set boundaries around the thing?      • Maybe clarify your compass? Is it really life-giving?If it becomes unsustainable - no room in your life for it? - Ask why it’s so hard to prioritize. Is it that important to you? Really? - In order for self-care to be valued, your self must be valued. You must believe YOU are a thing worth cultivating at the expense of you cultivating other people. If you’re not there yet, your passion will always be a side gig and dispensable; it should be an integrated, cornerstone-level part of the life you design for yourself.Other things to note:You don’t have to do it professionally for it to be a valid use of your time.You don’t owe anyone your gifts.You don’t have to get “good at” it (who decides that anyway?).GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for the people in his life whose feedback he highly regards.Abby is grateful for her kid's school (and the fact that she listened to her body about deciding to enroll him)TIME CODES:10:22 - Flow15:15 - It brings you life17:16 - Getting feedback22:27 - Quantity over quality25:07 - Self discovery29:07 - Accepting when the work is complete33:34 - Burnout39:04 - Making room in your life for your passion46:23 - Misconceptions (externally imposed shoulds)MORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com😬🍇🐨🥖🦃
Not the Humbility Episode

Not the Humbility Episode

2021-03-2601:08:07

Abby and Ryan left off last podcast teeing up a follow-up episode about humility. We thought this would be that episode. The Universe had other plans. We sure did try, though. That's a lie. We really didn't. But we think we landed in an okay place.How Abby Manages a Full Plate:Bag it. Ask yourself if it really needs to be done (no. It doesn't)Barter it. Ask yourself if someone else can do it (then ask them to do it)Better it. Ask yourself if it can be done more efficiently (smarter, not harder)How Ryan Manages a Full Plate:Size it up. Figure out everything you have to do and break it down into bite-sized steps.Scale it down. Find every corner you can cut, and force yourself to cut them.Schedule it all. Block off every single step of every single thing on your calendar.Designing your most authentic life:Owning what you want. If you can't make time for it, you probably don't really want it. And that's okay. Admitting that can be freeing.Self Worth. Believe that the life you do want is valuable enough to be prioritized over the life other people want you to live.Boundaries. Design a life that resonates with your essential self, say "yes" to things that align with that, and "no" to everything else.Also, start small. Goal too daunting? Shrink it until it's ridiculously doable.GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that he's developing an internal compass for himself and the things he does.Abby is grateful for the heavy but meaningful conversation she got to be a part of recently.TIME CODES:4:00 - We try to do the humility piece. We fail.19:15 - How Abby manages a full plate (3 B's)26:58 - How Ryan manages a full plate (3 S's)35:18 - Why time management matters40:28 - Owning what you wantMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🌊🥪🍀🐝
Confidence Is...

Confidence Is...

2021-03-1901:10:12

We talk about confidence, what it is, and what it's not. And surprise surprise, we don't exactly see eye to eye on the specifics. And that's part of what makes this thing magical.Definitions!Ryan: Confidence is owning what you are, and not needing to be what you aren't.Abby: Confidence has both positive and negative expressions: negative confidence is a mask you wear to cover up a lack of self worth; positive confidence comes from true self worth, wherein you wholeheartedly love and trust yourself and how you show up.Confidence Is......something you learn in waves....releasing the illusion of control over other people....being comfortable with your limitations (being able to say "I can't do that" without feeling less-than)....taking comparison out of the equation....setting boundaries and saying "no" without feeling the need to apologize, explain, make excuses, or lie....trusting yourself....apologizing without self-loathing, expecting the other person to babysit your emotions and coddle your ego, or requiring them to accept your apology and immediately move past their pain....accepting an apology without...being able to fail an attempt or lose a competition without feeling like you've lost something and need to redeem yourself....not having anything to prove....not needing others to validate your interiors....not needing to defend yourself....a prerequisite for humility (according to Ryan. Abby has thoughts. Stay tuned!)Arrogance is......mimicking true confidence to cover insecurity (spoiler alert: everyone sees right through that shit)....posturing to mask lack of feeling self worth (spoiler alert: see previous spoiler alert).Distractions:Manifesting and Divination aren't as scary or weird as people think they are.Ryan says "DO consider how your words/actions affect their experience; DON'T fear their potential reaction." Abby both agrees and disagrees with this.Wanting growth for the people you love can be as destructive as constructive. Let them grow; don't try to make them grow. And also let them not grow.Intent vs. Impact - COVID19 Edition. Every decision you make impacts everyone else, all the time - not just during a pandemic.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful that Gov. Abbott lifted the Covid restrictions in Texas.Ryan is grateful that the Snyder Cut finally came out.TIMECODES:1:23 - Distraction 18:50 - CONFIDENCE! Defining our terms.12:07 - Distraction 218:25 - Distraction 322:22 - Confidence is surrendering control22:35 - Confidence is not having anything to prove23:39 - Arrogance25:12 - Confidence is being comfortable with your limits26:39 - Confidence is lack of comparison27:18 - Confidence is saying "no"32:44 - Confidence is not needing validation from others35:52 - Confidence is not needing to defend yourself40:22 - Confidence is trusting yourself41:46 - Distraction 450:44 - Confidence is apologies without bullshit1:00:36 - Confidence and humilityMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com
Growth.Sometimes, growth is less about discarding old versions of yourself, and more about integrating them.Sometimes, growth is like outgrowing your sweater. If you keep it on after you've outgrown it, it'll suffocate you.Sometimes, growth means forgiving your old selves instead of judging them.Sometimes, growth means learning to validate and value yourself according to your own Inner Pilot Light (thank you, Lissa Rankin), rather than the commentary, reactions, and feedback of others."Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past."- Corinne Edwards (paraphrasing Gerald Jampolsky), Love Waits On WelcomeThe way you treat your past selves is likely the way you treat your present self. #RTASurrender.Surrender is NOT accepting the inevitability of an imagined future state.Surrender is NOT adopting a posture of powerlessness and doing nothing.Surrender IS releasing the illusion of control over things you can't control.Surrender IS holding space for everything (including yourself), to be what it is.Surrender IS choosing not to attempt to control circumstances or other people, but rather, yourself - and only yourself.When we say "stay in your own business," that includes staying out of the business of your past and future selves. #RTA too.If you're moving away from something in your past, or toward (or away from) something you think is in your future, STAHP. Come back to now. Surrender both.If you're averse to a potential outcome and try to steer the ship away from it, your controlling mindset will more often steer you directly into the thing you're afraid of.Rocky relationships aren't "broken" and need "fixing." They just are what they are. Detach from your desires/fears for specific outcomes, and focus on being the most authentic you you can be.GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that he's becoming more internally confident in his work.Abby is grateful for the online delivery thingies!TIME CODES:3:08 - Why Ryan destroys his art (and why he's doing that less these days)14:50 - On forgiving your past selves21:34 - Why are we so mean to ourselves, Abby???27:57 - Surrender40:45 - Confidence48:01 - Rigid vs. Ragdoll52:52 - Some stuff about relationshipsMORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🐨🦃🐲🍇
The Four Types of Coping

The Four Types of Coping

2021-03-0601:07:42

Abby unpacks four types of coping! Ryan takes notes. And has bad audio for some reason.The INEFFECTIVE ways to cope (they lead to burnout, keep you in fight-or-flight, and often exacerbate the problem):Over-Control. Ruminating on the past and potential futures, spinning in your thoughts about a situation or other person.Passive Coping. Complaining, numbing out, checking out, engaging in mindless activities a lot. Avoidance, habitual escapism.The EFFECTIVE ways to cope (they refresh your interior landscape, put you in rest-and-digest, and often help you resolve the problem):Surrender (antidote to over-control). Acknowledge that things are what they are, and that most of it is out of your control. Then, own what is in your control, and take action.Active Coping (antidote to passive coping). Do what brings you life. Work out. Cook. Spend time with loved ones. Journal. Garden. Art. Dance. This isn't to cover up the difficult stuff; it's about grounding your body and mind in the present and creating occasion for the thing to get processed.You have to trust yourself. You are the answer to your own questions about yourself. Only you know if you're on social media to connect with humans or just check out. You've got to be honest with yourself, which requires trusting yourself, which requires self-compassion, which requires self-love.TIME CODES:0:00 - More about crying6:19 - Abby introduces the four types of coping8:25 - Over-Control12:56 - Passive "Coping"28:28 - Surrender40:39 - Active Coping47:10 - Gratitude! (see below)55:44 - Ryan Recaps, and talks about trusting yourselfGRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for her son!Ryan is grateful for his "rewearables" basket.MORE DEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netFollow us on IG at @TrueNorthWithAbbyAndRyanWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🥧🥐🥖🍟
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