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True North with Abby & Ryan
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True North with Abby & Ryan

Author: Abby & Ryan

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Abby (gratitude warrior & life coach) & Ryan (energy worker & author) had a 2½-year long conversation about wholeness and healing, spread across 84 magnificent hour-long episodes.Of all the things we ruminated on, the things that bubbled to the surface the most frequently were living in your truth, staying in your business, and finding it within yourself to allow everything else to be what it is.Also Abby talks to cats and Ryan thinks dirt has a soul.
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Episode 0

Episode 0

2022-03-1001:56:15

***We are aware the audio quality of this episode is terrible. It is what it is.***This is the episode that started it all. We met up for coffee for one of our usual amazing conversations, and decided to put my phone on the table to record the whole thing, to see if we could pull off something podcast-like.Production-wise? Hard no.Content-wise? Hell yeah.If you're able to churn through this one, head to S1E1 and listen to us debrief this very recording, sometimes even playing back parts of it to discuss in further detail.And in silence. With decent microphones.Enjoy! Or don't. That's your business.Abby & RyanTIME CODES:12:00 - Is it lazy to not do the rounds? Or is it self care?14:00 - Abby says Ryan needs to have compassion for himself16:20 - Ryan bullies himself into doing what he needs to do. Self imposed rigid structure18:45 - Ryan gives example of time his bosses had a conversation with him that could have been troublesome, but I stayed in my business and recognized the comedy. I had no need for them to see my side of the story23:40 - Abby: What did you do to be able to do that?24:00 - Ryan: I stood up for myself in my marriage, and whatever it took for me to work up the ability to do that, poured into everything25:45 - Ryan: I gave myself permission to be what I am apart from what they are.26:30 - Ryan: The boundary I was looking for was where I end and the world begins.27:30 - Abby: You got out of your own way and started staying in your business.28:28 - Abby’s hysterectomy idea31:00 - Ryan’s peeing in car story34:30 - Abby talks about the lizard brain36:15 - Ryan’s work example, filtered through that lens38:45 - Life is practice42:45 - Your body is your brain45:00 - We don’t fault people for not having learned this - it took me 11 years of marriage46:00 - Ryan doesn’t think he has empathy48:00 - Abby and Ryan talk about moving forward toward growth and their fears of going back58:00 - Standing up for yourself59:45 - Wet hair1:03:00 - Woke people recognize woke people, but stay with the muck people1:08:00 - Muck people1:15:00 -  Compassion vs growth1:20:00 - Ryan’s dad was never satisfied with his own growth1:27:45 - Social norms around complements. I SEE YOU HUMAN, social normsBathroom Breaks1:43:36 - Living in your truth can attract attention1:50:00 - We name the podcast🥔🌊🦃🎵🚤🦴
The Great Conjunction

The Great Conjunction

2022-03-0201:15:07

Abby & Ryan debrief the entire 83-episode run of the True North Podcast, and then send each other off with gratitude, love, and a splash of nostalgic sadness.  Seriously. Thank you all. Thank you for being on this journey with us, for watching us grow, and growing alongside us. We added the "with Abby & Ryan" to the title so that you could find our podcast amidst all the other "True North" podcasts out there, but really, it's always been with Abby, Ryan, and YOU. So thank ya for bein' there, thank ya for lovin' us.  With Gratitude, Abby & Ryan  Also, RYAN WROTE A BOOK!!! Gummy Bears for the Soul: A Collection of Life Lessons That Are Easy to Swallow But Hard to Digest as Told Through A Cacophony of Stories About My Dad That Are Definitely All True*Launch Party link (available until 11:59pm CST March 20, 2022):  https://forms.gle/8ZujaeYnuGW5rnEFA  TIME CODES: 4:37 - Our favorite episodes 14:54 - Our biggest takeaways 30:47 - Our most cringeworthy moments38:09 - What surprised us the most41:32 - What we'll fill this time with now51:10 - What we'll do next   GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful that Ryan said "yes" to the podcast, and for doing everything he did to make it happen and keep it going.Ryan is grateful that Abby said "yes" to meeting every morning to read the Bible together when they worked at the Y. MODEETS:Join Ryan's tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeStalk us at truenorth11.com🐝🤦‍♂️✨🍑✨🤷‍♀️
Ryan is a second-born middle child. Anyone who puts stock in birth order dynamics just learned a lot about Ryan from those two pieces of information.In this episode, we interview his older brother Brandon, who has lived in Japan for the past several years. We start by discussing the differences between American and Japanese culture, and what it was like to pack up their entire lives into 16 bags and move across the ocean."I am a specific person. I have specific gifts and abilities that are unique to me, and I also have limitations that are also unique to me, and this does not detract from who I am as a person or the types of things that I can hope for. But it does mean that I need to be able to be realistic about the times that I can help and the times that I can't. Because if I can't be realistic about that, then I'll hamstring the impact that I could be making, in favor of the impact that I can't make. So in the end it became a process of, 'Let's not make it anything; let's just see it.' ""People use their head to establish the direction and their heart for the method, when really it should be the other way around.""It's not about understanding the truth; it's about understanding your place within it.""You're looking to your insecurity voice for validation, when you should be looking to it for growth imperatives. It's not telling you wrong, you're listening wrong.""We want people to get to know us, not contextualize us.""I don't have to understand why they do what they do, to accept that that's what they do."TIME CODES:5:30 - Downsizing life12:11 - Getting our dad back17:26 - Father wounds and childcare workers27:12 - The tension between our desire to help and the limits of our helpfulness41:51 - Japan Brandon vs. America Brandon45:01 - Addressing the problem vs. solving the problem59:00 - Feeling like a foreigner in your own landGRATITUDES:Brandon is grateful that his collection of hard-earned life lessons can and will be passed down to his kids as just the way the world works.Abby is grateful for the roles Ryan and Brandon have played in her own self-actualization journey.Ryan is grateful for his brother for modeling what it looks like to "run his lap" of parenthood.  MODEETS:Join Ryan's tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🦴😬🎵🎁
Abby & Ryan Are Woo Woo AF

Abby & Ryan Are Woo Woo AF

2022-02-0501:10:17

**SORRY FOR RYAN'S WEIRD SOUND QUALITY**Ryan is hung-up on people perceiving him as credible, and is therefore hesitant to openly admit to how woo-woo he is. His concern is that there are people out there who blindly trust in things with no solid reason, and so when he opens up about trusting them as well, he'll be lumped in with the non-critical thinking masses who will believe unfounded things with very little scrutiny or need for compelling evidence.He does energy healing but is skeptical of Reiki practitionersHe uses crystals but distances himself from the "crystal people"He uses essential oils but hates when people treat them like cure-alls and replacements for medical careHe's open to astrology but thinks horoscopes are bullshitHe actively manifests but hates The Secret and dismisses the Law of Attraction peopleHe reads Tarot but is skeptical of most Tarot practitionersHe uses numerology but judges others and himself for giving it any credence at all He doesn't not believe in reincarnation, but definitely doesn't put stock in any existing belief system about reincarnationBasically, he believes in woo-woo stuff only after throwing all the skepticism and scrutiny he possibly can at it, and seeing that it still stands. AND, he only trusts other people who also meet the spiritual with heavy doses of skepticism. In this episode, we unpack that.And then we also talk about manifesting.TIME CODES:22:39 - Manifesting39:29 - The realities we live in are the ones we create44:20 - Health and unhealth as consequences of the mindGRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that this recent snowstorm gave his toddler a much needed change of scenery.Abby is grateful that this recent snowstorm has reminded her (through her son) about the value of simplicity. MODEETS:Join Ryan's tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🤯😭🎁
Trust and Soap Boxes

Trust and Soap Boxes

2022-01-3101:18:46

What is trust, really? In the first 20 minutes, we settle on this loose definition:Trust is about safety. You know what needs to be put in place for you to feel safe.If you feel the need to put them in place yourself (because if you don't, you won't be safe), that's the antithesis of you trusting someone.If you believe the other person will/has put those things in place on their own (such that you don't feel the need to do it yourself), that equals you trusting them. Where do you place your trust, and why do you place it there?  Reasons Ryan has extended trust in the past (which isn't the same as trusting them):Conflict aversion. If I tell someone I don't trust them, they'll take it as me questioning their character, may become offended, and might hurt me. So I've extended trust to people I didn't trust, to avoid conflict.Outsourcing self. I know that I'm not trustworthy my default. Just like love, respect, value affirmation, etc., if I find something lacking within myself, I look for others to affirm it for me. I wanted people to trust me to compensate for my lack of trustworthiness, and the best way to get trust is to give it. One component of Tribalism is Implied Trust - meaning, it can be assumed that anyone in a given tribe has a certain set of things in common. So, if you vet people's trustworthiness based on certain characteristics, and you find they belong to a certain tribe, that one piece of information implies a whole collection of boxes you could reasonably check in the "do I trust them" checklist (i.e. if you're in my tribe, I find you more trustworthy because it's assumed that the characteristics of people in my tribe are things I've found trustworthy).  When someone knows you well and loves you well, it doesn't occur to them to get offended at the prospect of you being who you are.If they love you well but don't know you well, they love a nonexistent version of you that only exists in their head, such that the idea of being your true self can seem like a threat to the relationship.If they know you well but don't love you well, they likely harbor some level of attachment to you becoming the version of you they imagine they would love more. TIME CODES: 13:17 - Why Ryan extends trust 24:00 - Tribalism and Trust 29:19 - Trust yourself most 42:04 - How is success in relationship defined? (spoiler, it's not longevity)  45:04 - ANNOUNCEMENT: This is our last season! 57:18 - Ryan epiphanizes the idea of extending too much benefit of the doubt   GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for the editor/illustrator who worked on his first book with him.Abby is grateful her dogs, for teaching her patience and empathy, and also for giving her a new form of connective stillness practice.    MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🤦‍♂️🤷‍♀️🥔
Do you ever notice that you seem to have done personal growth that you have no recollection of actually doing on purpose? Abby says no. Hah. It's more probable your values shifted and you just care less now about things you cared a lot about before.Then we talk about a bunch of other stuff. Just listen to the episode and you'll get it all. Why do you even read these??TIME CODES:3:13 - Accidental Growth?14:48 - Awareness20:28 - Solitude39:35 - Updating our Paradigms49:00 - Love yourself the way you love your kidsGRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for her recent opportunity to connect with her snowbird parents.Ryan is grateful for a conversation he and Abby recently had about the future of the podcast.   MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com📝📦
Reference points! We all have a core set of experiences that we use to contextualize all of our new and incoming experiences. In this episode we unpack why this happens and what we can do about it.  “The best predictor of a child's security of attachment is not what happened to his parents as children, but rather how his parents made sense of those childhood experiences.”  ― Daniel J. Siegel, Mindsight: The New Science of Personal TransformationAwareness. Learn what your reference points are, and recognize they're not set in stone.Understanding. Learn why those are you reference points.Acceptance. Release your "shoulds" around your reference points, and hold space for old ones to fade and new ones to emerge as you continue to return to your True North. Why don't we do this work??It's a lot of things to learn, which can make it seem daunting.It's not modeled for us, which can make it seem awkward and lonely.It requires veering from the script we were given, which can make it seem scary. The Catch-22: If you turn every moment into a self awareness/self understanding/self acceptance life lesson, you'll never get to actually USE the lessons you learn, which simply amounts to cultivating presence:  "We're doing all this work in order to remove obstacles to being present, but if we obsess over it, the work itself becomes the obstacle."  Tools for getting back into your body and cultivating presence:Go outside.Identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can smell, 2 things you can feel, 1 thing you can taste. With any kind of repetitive training, the act itself will yield small, measurable, direct results. But the consistency will yield large, immeasurable, indirect results. The point is to catch things you've been missing (reprogramming your reticular activating system). Then you start to catch epiphanies you've been missing as well: "We don't hear what people say; we imagine what they mean." ― Byron Katie, The Work GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for her son, and how he teaches her at least as much as she teaches him.Ryan is grateful that his dad played his part in breaking a generational cycle of abuse.   MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com😳😬😆🤯🤩🥰🥳
Abby & Ryan Aren't Hetero

Abby & Ryan Aren't Hetero

2022-01-0701:08:58

Last week Ryan said in passing that he's bi. This week, we unpack that.When Ryan says he's bi, what he's saying is that someone's gender neither helps nor hinders his ability to be physically attracted to them. It's not that he discovered a new part of himself, but rather that he released the compulsory heterosexuality he was taught to internalize.If gender is nonbinary, then what's the difference between bisexual and pansexual?How does a married person explore their newfound sexual orientation?In an androgynous world where masculine/feminine expression was decoupled from genitalia, would any of the LGBTQIA+ identifiers have any meaning? GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful that she has the honor of getting to watch a close friend blossom and grow.Ryan is grateful that he seems to have internalized the life lesson, "you don't have to do all the work all the time." MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🥔🌊🎵🚤🐝
Abby & Ryan Talk About God

Abby & Ryan Talk About God

2022-01-0101:14:28

Before people can talk about God, they need to define what they mean by the word "God."According to the Tao Te Ching, as soon as you define God, you're no longer defining all of what God is.So, all we can do is question and riff. That's what we do in this episode.Key topics:Can we know what God is?Can we separate God from religion?What is God without religion?What is religion without God? Experiencing God vs. Believing in GodMore topics:The tolerance paradox (re: preaching tolerance while not tolerating intolerance)How our belief in God helps or hinders our ability to be our best selvesSome people are their best selves when they believe in GodSome people are their worst selves because of their belief in GodThe other beliefs we attach to God (afterlife, sin/ethics, our purpose)If you believe God is a male, you believe gender is a matter of identity and not biologyIf you believe in hell and love people, you'll evangelize to literally everyoneThe need for systemic reformRyan's favorite quote about God:“As a man who has devoted his whole life to the most clearheaded science, to the study of matter, I can tell you as a result of my research about the atoms this much: There is no matter as such! All matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force which brings the particles of an atom to vibration and holds this most minute solar system of the atom together. . . . We must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent Mind. This Mind is the matrix of all matter.”-Max PlanckQuote about scripture vs. experience:"When the bird and the book disagree, trust the bird."-James AudubonAbby & Ryan land on the idea that we are all different fingers on the same hand, and what we call "God" is the palm. Or, we are all different branches on the tree, and what we call "God" is the trunk. GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that he's developed the tools to process the hard lessons he's learning right now.Abby is grateful for her Methodist upbringing.MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com👄🤦‍♂️👖😬🥔🎵🤷‍♀️
We live in a culture of "positive" and "negative" emotions, which really comes down to emotions that we're uncomfortable feeling/seeing, and ones we're comfortable with. In this episode, we unpack this framework.There are certain situations where certain emotions are deemed appropriate or inappropriate. But why? People's comfort. Why are they uncomfortable with some emotions? Because they weren't taught to deal with those emotions themselves.Parenting - when it's hard for us to deal with our kids' expression of "difficult" emotions, we do well to check our "why's." Do we want to shut down their behaviors just because our parents shut down those behaviors in us? Give them "good" ways to communicate and articulate their interiors, rather than shut down the "bad" ways they default to.Do you emotions define you?Who is the "you" in question? Your soul/essential self, or your constructed personality?What is your personality?A conglomeration of the life lessons you came here to learn?A mask you created to cope with your childhood dynamics?What do you do once you've identified the nature of your personality?You can have a fixed mindset: "This is who I am, and it's who everyone should expect me to be from her on out."You can have a growth mindset: "This is a reflection of my story thus far, but doesn't define the story I have yet to write."How do you cultivate personality growth?Ryan constantly checks himself in the background and examines patterns when he notices them.Abby has an intentional monthly check-in practice.Moving from victimhood to empowermentSelf compassion is a prerequisite to self forgiveness.Forgiving yourself is a prerequisite to forgiving others.Forgiving those in your past is a prerequisite to breaking the cycle in the future.Forgiving your parents keeps you from repeating their patterns.Also, we're all connected. The past several generations of trauma are on our shoulders.TIMECODES:4:21 - Question of the episode14:05 - Emotional expression and parenting20:24 - Do your emotions define you?29:01 - What to do with your personality type34:46 - Shifting from victimhood to empowerment43:33 - Generational trauma GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for the people in her life who reminder her how to be.Ryan is grateful for a rock he found in a graveyard.  MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🛳⛴🚢🛥🚤⛵️🚣‍♀️
Abby & Ryan Get True Northy

Abby & Ryan Get True Northy

2021-11-0501:07:35

Abby brings the questions and we ruminate on True Northy stuff."Forgive and forget" needs to be replaced by "Forgive and set boundaries." It's less catchy but man does it work better."An eye for an eye" (e.g. death penalty for murderers) is a terrible way to handle wrongdoing."My job in the life of those I love is to make it safe for them to find their own way, without any undue pressure from anyone - including me."  -Ryan's Uncle"Insist on yourself." -Ralph Waldo Emerson"All your time is free time; you're always free to do what you please. Sometimes, what pleases you most is fulfilling your commitments or taking care of others." - Ryan's Spirit GuideWhat's something from today you'd like to take into tomorrow? That's what you're grateful for.TIME CODES:3:13 - Which is more important: Actions or Intentions?6:11 - Which is more important: Justice (accountability & boundaries) or Forgiveness?21:14 - Kellsterrrrrrr heard "Bowser"21:39 - Can empathy be taught?50:50 - Who is your Wayfinder?  GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that he burned his hand with 400-degree bacon grease.Abby is grateful that she's able to teach educators about the true power of gratitude. MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🎒⛵️🎩🧜‍♀️ 🦜
The game is simple. Ryan rolls 5 dice, and both of them reveal what they would say if they could talk to the people they were at the age shown on the dice.Also Ryan can't #math.AGES:2:48 - Age 1713:00 - Age 2324:29 - Age 1242:22 - Age 15Fun twist ending: Look yourself in the mirror and tell your present self all the things you told these past versions of yourself.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful that she went through darkness by which she can understand the light.Ryan is grateful for the people who have responded well to him bringing stuff up he was worried would start fights.MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com✨🦋✨👖🎵
Can People Change?

Can People Change?

2021-10-1501:13:52

 There's no such thing as "Capital-T Trauma." Emotional trauma is simply any experience that drives us to deny parts of ourselves for the sake of staying safe.Alexithymia (not feeling our feelings) can be attributed to trauma: we have experiences that drive us to close and lock doors in our "mansions of self," but in doing so, we lock away our access to the emotions attached to those experiences. Can we change??Conditioning/programming? Ryan says no, Abby says yes. Ryan eventually says maybe.Actions/behaviors? Abby & Ryan agree that we can absolutely change those.Nature vs. Nurture. The stuff we can change is nurture, but we mistake a LOT of nurture stuff for nature stuff.The Transtheoretical Change ModelPre-contemplation (unconscious incompetence) - Grief: DenialContemplation (conscious incompetence A) - Grief: AngerPreparation (conscious incompetence B) - Grief: BargainingAction (conscious competence) - Grief: DepressionMaintenance (unconscious competence) - Grief: AcceptanceWhen you're an adult working through this cycle, your inner traumatized child has already gone through it (the trauma was the first change cycle), and is in maintenance mode. The change cycle you go through as an adult is the process of healing from the part of you that's in maintenance mode.GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that Abby gave him clarity on his message during this episode.Abby is grateful for the people in her life who give her opportunities to practice choosing to be her best self.TIME CODES:3:00 - Body Tests7:15 - Alexithymia & Trauma18:21 - Can people really change?45:40 - The Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change    MODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🏺 🥓🍇🤷‍♀️
Abby Refines Her True North

Abby Refines Her True North

2021-10-0101:04:52

**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**  "The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"  Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST  $35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses  ----------------** 'NOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT: Abby is leaving the True North Tribe** ---------------- Following your True North means frequently realigning to make sure you're still headed toward your True North. This can mean letting go of things that served you when you started them, but which don't serve you now.   When reevaluating your commitments/agreements, ask yourself WHY you made them, and WHY you're still choosing to keep them. Ideally......you'll say yes to things only because they align with you....you'll say no to things only because they don't align with you.If the answer is something else, ask yourself if you really need to continue keeping that commitment, and ask what it would look like to leave it behind and create space for things that are more aligned with you.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful for her father-in-law.Ryan is grateful that Abby continues to show up with her raw self.   MODEETS:Register for our live event at truenorth11.comJoin our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.com😩😫😭
Boundaries vs. Censorship

Boundaries vs. Censorship

2021-09-2501:10:20

**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!** "The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor" Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST $35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses  ----------------'Nother announcement: Ryan's audio is still bad. Boo.----------------Question from a Tribe member: "Perhaps censorship is when you feel forced to censor you speech/actions from an external source (like someone else is shutting you down) and a boundary is when you choose for yourself not to engage?"  Censorship is controlling what others are allowed to put out.Setting boundaries is managing what you allow yourself to take in.Boundaries aren't a control mechanism because people always have the option to ignore them. No one is being robbed of their autonomy."No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleanor RooseveltGRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for our newest tribe member, whose timing represents a fresh start in his mind.Abby is grateful for the people in her life who are willing to tell her how they feel, even if they anticipate she won't react in love and light.TIME CODES:1:11 - Question of the episode6:56 - Boundaries in relationships20:45 - Why boundaries aren't censorship28:58 - When is it okay to censor people?44:19 - Is it toxic or are you just offended?  MODEETS:Register for our live event at truenorth11.comJoin our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.com📦🐢🦆☕️
**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**"The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST$35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses----------------Also, Ryan's audio is bad cause computers and software are rude.QUESTION: a) What's a part of yourself you have difficulty accepting? b) What part of yourself do you have no problem accepting?RYAN: a) The parts of me that demonstrate I still have growing to do (TikTok example: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRCw1cxB/)ABBY: a) The part of me that has influence on others and makes a positive difference b) The part of me that's a pillar of strength for those going through difficultyHow do we balance between meeting people where they are and letting them be where they are on their own personal journey, and speaking up to create a world you believe is in everyone's highest good? One seems to demand staying out of other people's way and releasing what's out of our control, and the other seems to demand exerting control over others if we perceive they're headed toward harming themselves or others. Where do we draw the line in terms of imposing our "shoulds" on others to prevent them from causing harm?"The shortest distance between two people is a story" -Patti DighGRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for Cathy Cassani-Adams' new book, Zen Parenting: Caring for Ourselves and Our Children in an Unpredictable World. Pre-order here: https://found.ee/ZenParentingAbby is grateful that we live in a world where all these social justice conversations are even happeningTIME CODES:1:43 - Question of the Episode5:54 - Men making the world unsafe for women23:55 - Abby pokes at why Ryan spoke up43:03 - Start with your story and go from there  MODEETS:Register for our live event at truenorth11.comJoin our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.com🍌🐢🥓
**ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**"The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST$35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses----------------In this episode, we talk about GUILT.“Guilt is anger directed at ourselves — at what we did or did not do.” — Peter McWilliams"Guilt is something abusers use to control you." — a True North Tribe memberDefining our terms:Regret: "I dislike that the past is what it is."Remorse: "I dislike that I contributed to someone else's suffering."Guilt: "Someone else dislikes what I did/am doing/want to do."Guilt = a "should" + not being here (someone else's business) AND/OR not being now (past actions or future plans)Antidote to guilt: mindfulness, presence, staying in your business.Your brain is always working to figure out how to systematize life so that it can run on autopilot as often as possible. You can shift your autopilot into a habit of asking yourself if you're being your best in this moment.Need a nervous system reset? Leave the environment, move your body, wash your hands.GRATITUDES:Abby is grateful people and organizations who are here to help others through the challenges of going through suicide and childhood cancer.Ryan is grateful that the pro-women's rights folks in Texas are exercising their own power to build the world they want to live in (re: Texas SB8 and the women's march coming up on 10/2)TIME CODES:7:51 - Topic: Guilt11:39 - Regret vs. Remorse vs. Guilt14:14 - Q: Is guilt possible if we're in our own business?25:21 - Mommy Guilt & Patriarchy46:45 - Body work to re-centerMODEETS:Register for our live event at truenorth11.comJoin our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.com🥩🍟🥐🍇
Emotional Maturity

Emotional Maturity

2021-09-0301:13:07

**MOST IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Abby is on TikTok @indigoabby****SECOND MOST IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: We are doing a virtual event!!**"The Art of Dropping Your Defenses: Reframing Your Relationship With Your Armor"Saturday, October 2, from 1:11 to 4pm CST$35. Register at truenorth11.com/the-art-of-dropping-your-defenses----------------In this episode, we dig into what emotional maturity means, and venture into discussing emotional regulation and relationship dynamics.Do you come from a place of victimhood or empowerment?Do you own your own shit?Do you own other people's shit?Are you in the habit of being aware of your emotional situation?When someone triggers you:Own that the fact that YOU'RE offended has everything to do with YOU (someone else could've experienced the exact same thing and not been offended). You can do that work with yourself without any participation/requirement from them.Understand that if they MEANT to hurt you, they have their own wounds that THEY need to heal. They can do that work with themselves with no participation/requirement from you.You can each be a part of each other's healing process IF you are BOTH willing AND able.If you want to know what you're here to learn, look at what your parents suck at.GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for BECCA CHOATEAbby is grateful that her sister Sarah is in town!!1:27 - Abby's on TikTok!4:34 - Q: What does "Emotional Maturity" mean to you?24:35 - Emotional Regulation37:14 - Real-life examplesMODEETS:Register for our live event at truenorth11.comJoin our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.com🔨🐉🎵🏠
QUESTION: Can you operate in victim consciousness AND be in your True North simultaneously?Drama Triangle —> Empowerment TriangleVictim / Persecutor / Rescuer —> Creator / Challenger / CoachYour "True North Self" is not some unassailably healthy version of yourself; it's the version of yourself that:Notices when you're operating in victim consciousnessCompassionately meets yourself where you areRegularly reorients yourself toward your True NorthHow do you move from victimhood into health?Ryan - Realize that it's a better situation for you and everyone around you when you're in health, just as it's a worse situation for you and everyone else when you're not.Abby - Get out of your head and into your body, move around, be outside, breathe, and reset your nervous system.HRV - Heart Rate VariabilityWHOOP Your Way (https://shop.whoop.com/products/whoop-your-way-kit/) gives you real-time feedback on the state of your nervous system.HeartMath emWave2 (https://store.heartmath.com/emwave2/) helps you train yourself to use breathwork to bring your nervous system into coherence using HRV feedback.GRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful for the mess in his office that resulted from his toddler playing in there while he worked throughout the week.Abby is grateful for gratitude (that's not cheating, it's meta)TIME CODES:8:46 - Drama Triangle exercise27:51 - What moves you from victimhood to health?36:27 - HRV tracking & training54:05 - ABBY'S GONNA MAKE A TIKTOKMODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com😭🐓👞💩
We're switching it up to 10-episode seasons with 2-week breaks between, for the foreseeable future.QUESTION: How are you a different person now than you were at the end of last season?Abby - Learned the importance of restRyan - Accidentally became an influencerCan we make progress without setting goals? Yes. Set intentions instead, and stay in the present, meeting yourself with acceptance and compassion.As we grow and change, it's helpful to assess our goals, values, and definitions, to make sure they grow up with us. If they served us then but don't serve us now, and we don't realize that, pulling ourselves towards those values and definitions becomes a step back, not forward.Drama Triangle —> Empowerment TriangleVictim / Persecutor / Rescuer —> Creator / Challenger / CoachGRATITUDES:Ryan is grateful that we came back for season 2!Abby is grateful for the resting she did over the break.TIME CODES:5:17 - Question of the episode11:52 - Ryan's foray into TikTok30:24 - Are we making progress?44:35 - Abby digs deeper: Authenticity55:30 - Parenting and ModelingMODEETS:Join our tribe at patreon.com/truenorth11Get life coaching from Abby at IndigoCoaching.netCatch Ryan on TikTok at @the_holistic_mysticWatch us at TinyURL.com/TrueNorth11YouTubeEmail us at hello@truenorth11.comStalk us at truenorth11.com🌊🥩🥯🐗
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