The Self Love Monologues Podcast

Who do you become, when everything you own has been taken away you? I heard this question for the first time while listening to Oprah’s “Super Soul Sunday” podcast. The topic was self-actualization, but of the truest nature. And by “true” I am referring to the discovery of essence - basically who you are, when you're not performing on the world stage. It took me five years to arrive at an answer. Five years that were spent healing and hurting. We are talking about 1,825 days of redemptive suffering - a period of mayhmem and transformation. But I made it to other side and found my roots. Press play now to find out more about my discoveries.

Heavy is the burden carried by a child borne out of wedlock to a pair of youthful souls chasing adventure. Your fate becomes single parenthood, and you will most likely be shipped elsewhere for rearing. You may be loved, but you will always have questions - why did you throw me away? - was I not good enough for you to raise on your own? - or did you have times where you wish I didn’t disrupt your youth by coming into this world? This was my story - and I finally found the courage to ask my mother the hard questions. Press play now to hear more.

So I have spent years fantasizing about Prince Charming and now he is here. In the flesh - outside of my head - and right inside my arms. There is joy. There is excitement. There is healing. But also a lot of anxiety as I try to answer some very difficult questions: How do I know that I am prepared for true love? How do I keep it? Hold space for it? How do I get over the fear of loosing it? How do I prevent self sabotage?

As with all things, it took pain for me to understand more about this thing we call "true love." It took a broken heart. I realized that I was chasing an idea instead of waiting for the universe to provide what I needed - what was meant for me. I still don't know what true love is. I have no idea what makes it "true" or what makes it "love." But I do know myself that much more. And I'm now here to share the lessons that I've learned. Press play and don't forget to share this offering with your tribe.

Finding love seems to be one of those impossible myths and yet the evidence shows that it is possible. But how do you get there? This the question that I've been asking myself for years. So I decided to create a miniseries exploring the notion of true love - but as a queer construct. Our first segment will be lead by Jordan Chanetsa (pronouns: she/her). Jordan is a gift to the human rights movement of Zimbabwe. She is fighting for trans visibility in a country known for demonizing queer identities. She is also a writer - survivor - activist - talk show host -  pop culture enthusiast - sister - friend - goddess - matchmaker - shoulder to lean on - truth teller - and more.  Go ahead and press play and don't forget to share the episode with your tribe.

My relationship with my grandmother ended when I came out. I became nothing to her. So I decided to write a letter because I had a lot of rage to process. Naturally, my first draft had a lot of anger in it, but somehow I made my way towards a place of gratitude. I never sent the letter and I never will because I did this for myself. I have now decided to release the letter specifically for that queer black boy searching for the right words - or even just a place to start. Please understand that everything that I say stems from my experiences with internalized homophobia - my own, hers, and everyone else's. The content may also trigger some painful memories for you. If it does, please take a break so that you can attend to your mental health. P.S. - The episode is an audio extract from a YouTube that I made. Just search "Dear Grandma: A Coming Out Manifesto For The Queer Black Boy."

High school crushes, Masturbation, Backyard Experiments, Porn, First-time jitters, Threesomes, Sex parties, Raw Sex, Intimacy, Pleasure, Boundaries, Chemistry, Connection Sexual Freedom. This is what you’ll get when you listen to this episode. One of my friends Vladimir was gracious enough to lend his truth to the subject matter of queer sex. We both wanted to sit down and talk about our desires just as freely as our heterosexual comrades. Our perspective as gay men was limited of course but there were so many underlying messages with universal appeal.  So press play and don’t forget to share the episode with your tribe!

I connected with one of my friends @kaispadamshi (he/him/his) to talk about shame as experienced through the eyes of a queer African man. All of us are thrown into this correctional facility by a society that doesn’t want us to exist.  We are branded as genetic mistakes - sodomites - scum of the earth - all because of a code that has existed since the beginning of time. One that has protected the institution of toxic masculinity. We also come from a continent that was raised to hate itself. Our lands are sitting on top of a mass graveyard of self hate - a pit dug by the oppressor.  All of this creates a war inside our bodies - a death race with SHAME. Some of us make it out alive, and some of us don’t. Here’s the story of one survivor. #TheSelfLoveMonologues

For this episode I sat down with my bestfriend Kemi and we talked about our lives as openly gay African men. It is a tough life to lead and I am so grateful to have him as a companion. Tune in for a good kiki and don't forget to share the episode with your tribe.

My journey towards self love started with a death wish. That death wish became a demon that I couldn’t shake and it followed me everywhere. All I could think about was killing myself. But then I hit rock bottom and at that point in my life I had two choices - stay down or rise. And so I rose and fought. I fought trauma; I fought addiction; I fought fear; I fought doubt; I fought regret. After a long battle I claimed my victory with support from my ancestors, family and friends. But I knew the work wasn’t done. I had to do more - which is how this podcast was born. With it I became an activist for self love. I pledged my life to a movement in charge of protecting your first natural right: Your right to survive.  Tune into this episode to hear more of my story and don't forget to share with your tribe because you never know whose light you're turning on.

We’ve made it to the second season of the show!  Let me tell you something real. Making this show isn’t easy - sometimes I end up questioning myself and I start doubting whether or not I’m good enough to be doing this. But something inside always pushes me to get back into the arena and do it anyway. Sticks and stones right? Anyway, I decided to start off the season answering a very big question: Why do I love myself? I had to know this because I was on a giant quest to become the master of self-validation. I had spent so many years of my life chasing compliments. I wanted people to like me - see me - acknowledge me - worship me. But then I had an epiphany; I realized that I was supposed to do all this shit for myself. So Press play..Meditate..Share (It’s a short one too).

You haven't slept well in days, your mind won't stop racing, and you've barely eaten. And yet you're so committed to a rat race that no one forced you to participate in. You enlisted yourself in this empty chase because you felt like you had something to prove to the world. Everyone needed to know that you can be “somebody.” They needed to see it, believe it, and acknowledge it. So you devoted yourself to this narrative that your self-worth was based on what people saw on your LinkedIn page. That your credibility as a “person with a life” was measured by your social media footprint. Your Instagram, your Twitter, your Facebook, and whatever fuck else is out there these days. But now you’re bleeding, and you know this. You can’t even look at yourself in the mirror because you’re afraid of facing the bloodshed you brought on yourself. So why are you still running? This was the topic of a discussion I had with Rocky Garza, an identity coach based out of Dallas Texas. Press play, heal, and share the episode with a loved one

A very good friend of mine once told me that "your blessings are yours, nobody can take them away from you - and you can't take away theirs." I had a powerful spiritual awakening when I heard these words because I remembered that the universe will always have enough space for everyone's dreams. But let me tell you something real - I get petty and jealous every time  I see someone else receiving opportunities that I want. It basically takes five seconds for all that wisdom to depreciate in value. I get so angry and vengeful and sometimes I even wish the person ill will because they apparently "took what's mine." Thankfully, I'm usually able to bounce back after a few mantras, but there's always that trailing feeling of inadequacy that stays with me. That "what do they have over me" feeling. So I decided to explore career envy in this newest episode of the show. I had the pleasure of dissecting this subject with a fellow friend of mine, Terence B. Johnson - who's also a film writer, director, and Rotten Tomatoes certified critic. Tune in and don't forget to share the podcast link!

When my sister's birthday came around this past July I thought I'd discuss with her the importance of being "present." That everything of value exists in the moment. I wanted her to understand that she has an expiration date just like everyone else. So I sent her an audio recording reminding her to connect with life as it happens - breathe after breathe, one step after the other, one day at a time. I decided to release this recording as part of my new audio diary series. I hope it heals you today.

"The Crown" on Netflix is one of the best dramas the network has to offer. When it first aired, I watched it with the eyes of a commonwealth millennial raised to revere the monarchy. You see, as a young boy in Zimbabwe I was made to understand that everything  "white" was supposed to be better. White names were placed before our own because we had to find a way to belong in our own country. The new Zimbabwe was still very much a white world post independence- the only difference was an all-black administration that was keen on preserving western ideals. And this wasn’t their fault because they were direct descendants of a generation that had been looted in every way possible. These white folks broke into our space and humiliated us for our customs. They called us savages and then placed a bible in front of our faces. The worst part is our ancestors internalized this hate and then we inherited it. In this episode I got to speak to Rachelle Pean about this violent crime with intergenerational consequences. Rachelle is a spiritual student, healer, social worker, and author of “Balance Your Sh*T: The Chakras" (which is available on Amazon).  Our conversation was guided by Colin M Turnball’s “The Lonely African,” which is an anthropological study of a village in Eastern Congo at a time when it was under Belgian rule. Rachelle and I also talked about self-love within the context of a relationship, the beauty of slowing things down in your life, and how to connect with your ancestors. Tune in, heal, and don’t forget to share the podcast with your tribe.

“I will never be annoyed by her pain...and when she’s 40, I am still Dad. Period.” These are the words of our next guest Phareke Frazer - a single, black father holding on to four years worth of birthday presents because of a prejudicial family court decision. He has not been in the same room with his daughter for over 1,400 days. But in that time, he’s taken it upon himself to fight a judicial system that was designed to persecute black men - and he is doing it from a place of love, not only for his daughter but for himself. It’s amazing that he has still managed to cultivate self-love given all the pain that  he has had to carry. His story is one that paints a picture of injustice that you will never forget. But there’s also a lot of healing in his words when he talks about forgiveness, and when he declares that he wants his daughter to be unapologetic about her blackness. Tune in, and please don’t forget to pass on the lessons to your tribe.

I used to view leadership with a messianic lens because in my mind a leader was supposed to be the perfect shepherd. But then I made a mistake and then another one, and then another one after that. I immediately started questioning myself and then sunk into a deep depression. If this is you, then you better strap in for this week's episode. Our next guest Julie Ann Gauthier is here to tell you that you're allowed to embrace your mistake, let go of it, and then break free from the guilt to assert control again. She's got years of corporate leadership experience to back this up and she is also a seasoned coach for leaders under "Chandler Coaches" - a company based out of Prince Edward Island, Canada. Oh, and by the way she also has a very unapologetic message about color blind leadership and fostering inclusion in the workplace. Press Play.

There is a lot of hurt in all of us these days and you’re not alone if you have no idea what to do with it. It’s just all too much to handle. But then you can’t allow yourself to become a passive victim. At some point you have to learn how to confront the pain - unpack it - question it - move through it - and then overcome. I had the incredible honor of getting these lessons from our next guest, Gordon Collier - a licensed therapist and founder of “Beyond Living,” a private practice that offers counseling services for individuals and groups (as well as organizational training and consultation).

Something beautiful happens the moment you start to love yourself. You quickly realize that your emotional growth is a force not to be fucked with. So you become obsessed with your behavioral inventory and you start doing some spring cleaning to clear out all the bullshit habits from the past. This is exactly what our next guest did. He realized that he needed to change the way he treated women, so he made it his mission to educate himself. He is living proof that information can be an amazing catalyst for emotional maturity.  Because to be truly "woke" you gotta have the facts to back it up.

These are now the days of our lives. Anxiety → Frustration → Insomnia. Rinse and then repeat. You can’t even tell what day it is anymore because there’s no way to distinguish the agony. But what if you could take advantage of this forced isolation? To just sit there alone and face all your bullshit one con at a time. To accept that you’re actually the living antithesis of your social media identity. This is terrifying but you’ve gotta do it to push through the clutter. So why don’t you start by learning from our next guest Veronica so you can discover how she used self-confrontation to get to a place of love.