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The Heart of Grief

Author: Cover Art: "Big" Jim Miller; Program Music: Georgia Sound "Something New"

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If you’re reading this, chances are that you’ve experienced at least one painful loss that continues to limit your life and leave an ache in your soul. The Heart of Grief exposes why the normal ways we respond to loss typically fail to help. Lorri Penner RSW, and Brian Magee are recovering grievers and active Certified Grief Recovery Specialists® You’ll hear bits of their personal grief journeys, but more, you’ll learn about practical actions you can take to move toward healing. Contact us: -email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com. -Mail: Martin Brothers Funeral Chapels Ltd. 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3 -www.mbfunerals.com-The Grief Recovery Institute: www.griefrecoverymethod.com
28 Episodes
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We believe that people have a spiritual nature. Our spiritual side is both affected by loss, and an important factor in how we deal with loss. In episode Zero, Brian will be providing a brief rationale for our periodic, Questions of Faith sessions. A general outline of what can be expected will be provided. Brian comes from a Christian perspective and will approach this topic from that point of view. Questions of Faith episodes are planned for publication on the 31st of months that have them. -email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. https://www.mbfunerals.com-The Grief Recovery Institute: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/
Zero (Introductions)

Zero (Introductions)

2020-07-0108:56

Episode Zero is an introduction to our new podcast, The Heart of Grief. Lorri Penner and I, Brian Magee, are recovering grievers and active Certified Grief Recovery Specialists®  We are educators, not therapists or psychologists. We are journeyed guides who walk the path of recovery through a method that truly makes a difference to hurting hearts. We invite you to  join us. We will endeavor to publish new episodes on the 1st, 11th and 21st of each month and on the 31st of months that have them. We welcome listener feedback to:-email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. -The Grief Recovery Institute: 
In this, our first, full episode, we will discuss the grief that results from changes and endings of various kinds. The covid-19 restrictions, concerns and uncertainties have created many losses in our lives that we would do well to recognize as grief events. Normal, grief responses should be expected. We examine how many of the typical ways we respond to loss and common messages we receive, are not helpful. We underscore the importance of acknowledging change both as a compounding factor in a bereavement, and a cause of additional grief experiences. Working Defn. “Grief is the wide ranging and often conflicting feelings that result from a change in or end of a familiar pattern of behavior.”-email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. https://www.mbfunerals.com-The Grief Recovery Institute: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/
In this episode we want to examine a very common response to a loss, choosing to grieve alone. We’ll talk about why this is so common and why it is not helpful. According to our program design, we will offer some practical ideas on how to move out of isolation into community. We will discuss the added difficulties presented by the covid-19 pandemic. We feature an interview with Chris Jong from Martin Brothers Funeral Chapels in Lethbridge Alberta, discussing responses and provisions for funerals and memorial gatherings under covid-19 restrictions.-email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. https://www.mbfunerals.com-The Grief Recovery Institute: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/
We will be focusing on one more of the top 6, most unhelpful ways to deal with grief, replacing the loss. We'll examine the common tendency to avoid dealing directly with the very difficult emotions of loss by redirecting our attention to substitute things, people or activities.By avoiding the temptation to choose distracting substitutes at times of loss, we give ourselves the opportunity to honor each loss with healthy grieving.Replace the Loss: John W. James, The Grief Recovery Institute-email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. https://www.mbfunerals.com-The Grief Recovery Institute: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/
We will be talking about the 4th of our Top 6 Most Unhelpful ideas about grief list, "Just Give it time" or "Time heals all wounds." Though this may be the most common suggestion given to grievers, and is normally given with genuine, good intentions, it may also be the most unhelpful. We will explain why this is; what time is not good for and what it is good for. We will offer suggestions on how time may be used in ways that benefit the grieving process. An on-location interview with mechanic and tire expert, Ken Fast provides a light-hearted illustration of our message.FAST TIRE SERVICE, LETHBRIDGE-email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. https://www.mbfunerals.com-The Grief Recovery Institute: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/
“Be Strong” is a message that calls grievers to somehow deny the normal human feelings of vulnerability, fear and inadequacy at times of difficult loss. We will examine the unhelpful view of strength behind this idea and explain why it is not beneficial in loss, nor true to our humanity. Proposition: By giving due recognition and attention to our human frailties, we are able to leave behind unhelpful concepts of strength and find the freedom to grieve in a more human and healing way.-email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. -The Grief Recovery Institute: -The Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation: 
In this first, full, Questions of Faith edition of The Heart of Grief, Brian interviews Chaplain John Moreman from the Chinook Regional Hospital in Lethbridge Alberta. John shares five of the most often asked questions that have come to him over his more than 20 years of Chaplaincy work.-email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. -The Grief Recovery Institute: 
Last in our Top 6 Most Unhelpful Ideas for Dealing with Loss, we're talking about the almost universal response of getting and staying busy. There are, without doubt, some genuinely helpful outcomes from keeping our energies focused on activity. What we want to bring attention to is the problem of busyness taking the place of the inner work of grief, which is addressing the unfinished emotional matters commonly associated with significant loss. When this happens, keeping busy becomes a mere distraction that has no long term benefit for the hurting heart. When we recognize the danger of busyness becoming an impediment to addressing the essential, emotional matters of grief, we provide ourselves opportunity to begin the journey toward resolution and peace.-email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3.-The Grief Recovery Institute: 
When loss has left us with lingering pain or regret, a common response is to engage in some distracting activity. We call these activities Short Term Energy Relieving Behaviors. Lorri and Brian explain why we have this tendency and why STERBs only prolong the pain of grief. When we recognize that STERBs provide only an illusion of benefit, we can choose to take a path toward long term healing.-email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3.-The Grief Recovery Institute 
Over our past 7 episodes, we have focused on what we refer to as the top 6 most unhelpful ideas about dealing with loss. We did this because we wanted to acknowledge the most common and universal ways that we have been socialized to manage grief, and to expose the inherent failure of these approaches to bring about the emotional resolution we’re looking for.Of course, after hearing a series of messages on what doesn’t work well, it’s only natural to be waiting for some messaging about what does. We have inserted pieces of how we can do better into each of our previous episodes. We’ve referred to the Grief Recovery Method® program that we facilitate and to the  Grief Recovery Institute®. We would like to focus our next couple of programs on providing more details on the Grief Recovery® Method, the various formats it's available in, and how they can be accessed.In this episode we'll be looking at what is normal grief experience and how this knowledge is important to better self-help.-email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361-The Grief Recovery Institute 
In our last episode, Brian talked about what are very normal feelings and responses to loss. Our listeners were encouraged to consider that they are normal, not alone and not without hope of feeling better. In this episode, we will be picking up from there, with our own personal stories of grief and the discovery of a method of response that offers genuine help. In addition to Brian and Lorri, we will hear from John W James and Russell Friedman, the principal voices of the Grief Recovery® Method. We’ll finish up with some very particular direction on how listeners can connect with us, and with the programs of the Grief Recovery® Institute.-email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361-The Grief Recovery Institute 
Where is God in my pain? My interview with Michael Rose settles firmly on the assertion that God’s fundamental approach to us is of love. How that love is at work and God's exact intentions are not always what we might expect or hope for, but his love is certain. We take up the 5 most common questions of Faith as presented by Chaplain John Moerman in our first episode, and explore how the God of love works and cares for us even, or perhaps especially, in our darkest and most difficult times. This is part 1 of Brian’s interview with Michael. Part 2 will publish on Nov. 21, 2020.-email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361-The Grief Recovery Institute -Michael Rose: I am Significant.ca
November 11th is Remembrance Day in Canada, or Armistice Day in Great Britain and other parts of the world. It’s Veteran’s Day in the United States. This Day marks the occasion when WWI officially ended, at the 11th hour on the 11th Day of the 11th month in 1918. Though pinned to the end of conflict of WWI, it is of course a time of remembering and honoring all our veterans, in particular, those who lost their lives in action. There are clear parallels between the observances of Remembrance Day and the work of grief recovery. For Brian there is a personal connection, as his father served in WWII. For all of us there is the important practice of acknowledging significant loss, remembering those who died and taking appropriate steps to incorporate the lessons from both loss and remembering into our present lives. 
Finding the Love of God, or more to the point, finding the God of love in our most painful and difficult times can be very challenging. Prayers may appear to go unheard and unanswered. Life regrets and hurts can surface, creating an urge for resolution. Forgiveness, though sought after, can be both hard to extend and to receive. This is part 2 of Brian's interview with spiritual director, Michael Rose.  Michael states as his "one message," that God's intentions toward us and his approach to us is always one of love.  Relationship with the God of Love is the invitation extended to us. Times of deep loss and sorrow create a unique opportunity to discover the divine presence and care. Michael suggests we may need to consider a new, or revised image of God's nature and character.  Mike's  "something to do" challenge invites us to engage in simple, doable acts of love.-Website: www.theheartofgrief.com -email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361-The Grief Recovery Institute -Michael Rose: I am Significant.ca
This episode is about how children deal with loss. We begin by asserting that children, even the youngest, do experience grief. We share some pertinent insights from an article in Social Work Today. Then we offer 7 practical things that we can do to assist the hurting kids we care so deeply about. As usual, we share from our own stories of loss, and finish with our “something to think about” and “something to do” invitations. -email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-Website: theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361-The Grief Recovery Institute -How Children Grieve ... by Kate Jackson, Social Work Today
In this short, solo episode, Brian explains unresolved grief. When all the normal reactions, activities, ceremonies, responsibilities, and adjustments have taken place following a loss, there is sometimes a deep pain that continues with us. It is important to distinguish between the usual sadness over a loss and this enduring pain. Brian explains how to recognize the difference and directs listeners toward a helpful response. -How to identify unresolved grief-email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-Website: theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361-The Grief Recovery Institute
With the major winter holiday season upon us, we want to address the challenges of carrying grief at a time when the world’s prevailing sentiments are normally joy and celebration. This is difficult for grievers any year. This year the extra difficulties introduced by the covid-19 pandemic simply add to the losses and multiply the sadness. We recognize this very unusual context the world is in and offer suggestions for finding hope. We are joined by Elizabeth Martin-Jong from Martin Brothers Funeral Chapels in Lethbridge. Elizabeth brings the perspective of a funeral service professional wanting to offer help and hope when all the usual avenues have been prohibited or severely altered.  We wish our listeners a very peaceful and blessed holiday season and a bright and better 2021.-email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-Website: theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361-The Grief Recovery Institute-The Nikka Yukko Japanese Gardens Winter Light Festival-The Lethbridge Evangelical Free Church Drive in Live Nativity
How we view God will affect how our faith affects our experiences of loss. Our last Questions of Faith show was part 2 of an interview that Brian had with Michael Rose. For Mike’s “Something to think about” offering, he invited us to consider a new view of God. In particular, how we view the fundamental nature of God in his approach to mankind. Do we see God as harsh or distant; or some cosmic magician or wish granter? Or, do we see a God near to us, who knows us thoroughly and loves us completely. Brian picks up that invitation for this New Year’s episode and offers some simple faith actions for moving toward a new view and perhaps a new experience of  “The God who loves.” -Website: www.theheartofgrief.com -email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361-The Grief Recovery Institute-Michael Rose: I am Significant.ca
Our regular podcasting work has been on a bit of a hiatus for over a month. This has been due to a combination of extra busyness (both Lorri and Brian), a period of emotional and creative fatigue (mostly Brian), and a nasty bout of covid-19 infection, including huge post-infection fatigue (all Lorri).We love the work we do providing grief recovery programs that bring genuine help to hurting hearts. Our podcast is part of this, and we have a lot more vital content to share with our world.  We published 13 episodes between July and Dec. 2020 as well as 4 bonus, Questions of Faith programs. Beginning Feb. 11th we will be revisiting and re-publishing 5 of our 13 previous episodes. These are either our most listened to shows or ones that we feel are deserving of an extra airing.  We are excited to launch into our new material beginning April 2021.Grief is made more difficult when other life stresses are added on.  The various challenges created by the covid-19 pandemic have added extra emotional weight to our lives. If you are a caregiver, the load increases as does the potential for significant fatigue. Brian and Lorri share their own “empty tank” stories and encourage listeners to take steps of self-care. -email: feedback@theheartofgrief.com-paper mail: The Heart of Grief C/O Martin Brother Funeral Chapels 610 4 St S Lethbridge AB Canada T1J 4P3. Ph 403-328-2361-The Grief Recovery Institute -Caregiving in the era of covid-19: The Mental Health Commission of Canada
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