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This is an unplanned, unscripted, interview!Make sure you listen to this episode because I won't do it justice here in the show notes. Emily Wardrop is an awesome friend and amazing life coach for parents. I really enjoyed this conversation with her, and I'm sure you will too. On the Same TeamOn this podcast we talk about being on the same team rather than on the same page. This helps you as a parent to model the behavior and BEing that you want to see in your teen. Humans are Herd AnimalsWe talked about mirroring the behavior that we see in our children. We talked about the power of modeling the behavior that we want to see instead of mirroring it. Be the Change You Want to See!We also talked about BEing the change that you want to see. Too many parents overly focus on their teens, and instead of BEing the change, they try to change their teens. Be the change that you want to see!How to work with Emily!You can find Drop the War Life Coach on FB, IG, and YouTube!Check out her amazing FREE trainings by clicking the links below!www.dropthewar.com/believewww.dropthewar.com/t1dMy Podcast-Mini-Series will be ending soon. Don't miss it!I want to give you a FREE podcast-mini-series to help you grow as a parent. If you haven't yet listened to my FREE Podcast-MINI-Series, Parenting from the Inside-Out, do it before it's gone on Dec. 14th, 2022.benpughcoaching.com/privatepodcastAlso, register to attend one or all of my FREE Parenting from the Inside-Out trainings.  Learn More HereThere will be live trainings held on the following dates and times: Dec 6, 2022 10:00 AMDec 7, 2022 02:00 PMDec 14, 2022 12:00 PMRegister Here for my FREE Parenting from the Inside-Out Training
Your Stories Are Making You UnhappyOne of the things I've noticed recently is that there are a lot of unhappy parents and teens out there. This is something that I've been coaching on regularly for the past several months. And, to be honest, this is something that I've been struggling with in my own life recently. Then recently I heard my coach say, . . . "Unhappiness comes from the gap between where your current lifeis (story) and where you think it should be (story). That gap in between is the'unhappiness gap'.” ~ Jim FortinThe truth is, EVERYTHING is a story. Be The Hero Of Your StoriesAnother thing that causes unhappiness, and one that I am a master at, is positioning yourself as the victim in your story. I do this all the time. I blame the guy who cut me off, or my wife or business partner for a disagreement. The problem is, anytime you blame someone else, you position yourself as the victim in your story. If you or your teen are unhappy, check your stories. Are you blaming someone or something outside of your control?If the answer is "Yes," that's awesome news because YOU have the power to be the hero of your stories. Start Developing New StoriesThere's a trend in life coaching to really focus on what you are thinking. This isn't bad, and I love thought awareness, but I think there's also power in focusing on HOW you are thinking. Blaming is a way of thinking. Catastrophizing is a way of thinking. On the other hand, being accountable or taking responsibility are ways of thinking.  As you change how you think, you will start practicing new stories. You can do this both on the individual level of WHAT you are thinking and on the bigger picture of HOW you are thinking. Want to Be Happier? Tell Better Stories. There was a time when my business was new, we weren't making much money, and we had to get help from our church to provide food for my family. I remember thinking things like:I'm a failure. My business isn't working. I should quit. This isn't working. It's the market's fault.As I did some self coaching, I started replacing my old stories with more helpful stories like:This is an opportunity for me to grow from desperation. This will be a good story to help inspire future clients. If I can get through this, I can get through anything. Making sense of your past or current trials and struggles is kind of like connecting the dots between where you were and are and where you want to be. Making sense of your life is simply choosing the stories that you will tell and the interpretations you will make. Merry Christmas!I want to give YOU a FREE GIFT, my podcast-mini-series to help YOU grow as a parent. This mini-series will only be available for a limited time, until Wednesday December 14, 2022. This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well. As you grow and develop your parenting skills, things will change in your whole home. Make this year's Christmas magical, by BEING the parent of your dreams. Check out my FREE new podcast-mini-series Parenting From the Inside Out and learn how you can give your family the gift of your own personal growth. FREE Podcast-Mini-Series
This is an unplanned, unscripted, interview!Make sure you listen to this episode because I won't do it justice here in the show notes. Arthur C. Woods is an awesome friend and amazing life coach for teens. I really enjoyed this conversation with him. Stages of Growth!Discovery: Discovering who you are and who you want to be.Defining: Defining and deciding who you are and who you want to be. These are both important steps in growth. And, growth is often uncomfortable. In addition to being uncomfortable, growth is also a process that takes time and repeated effort over and over. The Importance of IdentityMost people overly focus on DOing things rather than BEing. Rather than reading a book, be a reader. Rather than focusing on running a marathon, focus on BEing a marathon runner. Trust who you are!Lean to your strengths. Let your weaknesses be areas of growth. How to get your teen to work with Arthur!(1) Free Parent (of Teen) Training: Helping Your Teen Escape The Prison of Anxiety (December 08, Thursday @ 6:30 pm - Eastern Standard Time). Parents can register here: https://bit.ly/helpingyourteensescape(2) Free Facebook Group, Exclusively For Parents of Teenagers: www.facebook.com/groups/parentingteensintodaysworld(3) Connect with Arthur:  www.facebook.com/arthurcwoodsMy Podcast-Mini-Series will be ending soon. Don't miss it!I want to give you a FREE podcast-mini-series to help you grow as a parent. This mini-series will only be available for a limited time, until December 14th, 2022. This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well. Check out my FREE new podcast-mini-series Parenting From the Inside Out and learn how you can give your family the gift of your own personal growth. FREE Podcast-Mini-Series
I'm Grateful for YOU!I wanted to take a minute and express my gratitude for you!I'm grateful for you and your efforts as a parent. I'm grateful for your time, for your attention, and for your desire to grow. Thank you for your support! The Power Of GratitudeRecently I've been doing a lot of coaching on emotions. Here's what I've learned. Gratitude as a FeelingGratitude is a feeling, an emotion.It is created by our thoughts.It is created when we choose to appreciate our circumstances.Gratitude is when you intentionally choose to be grateful and appreciative for your circumstances.Gratitude is a powerful driving emotion.We know from the model that our feelings drive our actions.When I’m grateful I take actions like serving others, appreciating others, treating others (and myself) with kindness and patience.Gratitude drives actions that create results that I love in my life.Gratitude as a Way of BEingGratitude can be more than a simple feeling.Gratitude can be a way of BEing. It’s a choice.I love BEing grateful. It is one of my favorite ways to BE as a dad.If you’re like most people, you’ve probably caught yourself being ungrateful.If you’re like most people, when you’re ungrateful, you probably parent with less kindness and compassion.It’s okay to catch yourself being ungrateful. It’s part of being human and being a parent.BUT, you also have the power to BE grateful!AND, I promise . . .Gratitude WILL change EVERYTHING!How to Develop the Superpower, GRATITUDE!Set your Intention Early and Every day!This has been powerful in my life!When I get up, I set my intention for the day.I guide my mind as to where I want it to go to work.This takes practice, but it’s totally worth it.2. Practice BEing Grateful Daily.This one goes right along with #1, once you’ve set you intention, simply practice!Don’t expect yourself to be perfect.Just commit to practicing BEing grateful every day.It will become more and more natural.3. See The Power of Gratitude In Your Life.As you set your intention and practice gratitude, see the power in your life.See how BEing grateful impacts your life.Look for new and more things to be grateful for.Find new ways to be grateful.4. Keep a Gratitude Journal.Seriously, there are some many things to be grateful for, and when you start to look for them, you’ll be overwhelmed with all the gifts in your life.Keep a gratitude journal so you can remember and fully appreciate your life.This journal will help you look back and see your own growth.It’s fun to look back on things you were grateful for.5. Share Your Gratitude with Others.You can’t make others feel gratitude, but you can lead by example.Help other people feel loved and appreciated by sharing your gratitude for them with them.This may help others see things that they are grateful for.The Gift Of GrowthI want to give you the gift of growth.I want to give you a FREE podcast-mini-series to help you grow as a parent. This mini-series will only be available for a limited time, from Monday November 14, 2022 through This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well. Check out my FREE new podcast-mini-series Parenting From the Inside Out and learn how you can give your family the gift of your own personal growth. FREE Podcast-Mini-Series
Why Do Parents Stop Growing?Recently I was talking to a dad and he said something to the effect of, "Why do we quit growing as parents and adults?"He went on to say that as a parent, he feels like he's supposed to know everything and be perfect and that working on his own personal growth would make him look silly, like he doesn't know everything and he's not perfect. ☝️ This is why parents stop growing. ☝️They think that they're supposed to know everything and be perfect, so they avoid imperfection and the unknown. There's a concept that I taught my little league football team this year. One day, while I was trying to coach up one of my players, he kept interrupting me telling me, "I know. I already know!"The problem was, when I watched him I could tell that he did not know what I wanted him to know. And, because he thought he already knew, he didn't have room to learn anything new. I call this the full cup problem. Imagine trying to pour water into a cup that's already full of water. What's going to happen?It's going to over-fill and run over the side. The cup has no room for anything more. This happens to us when we think we have no room for growth. Why Do People Avoid Growth?Recently I've been watching my kids as they've been growing in different areas of their lives. My 16 year old, even though he's on the football team and wants to be a good football player, he has been resistant to growth. He tells me things like, "I don't want to mess up", or "I don't want a coach to yell at me", or "I don't want to look dumb."My 13 teen year old on the other hand, has never played football before this year and he knew almost nothing. Because he knew nothing, he positioned himself as an empty cup and was very coachable, and he grew very quickly. Most people avoid growth for just a few reasons. #1 They don't want to look bad.#2 It can be hard and uncomfortable to grow. #3 They don't believe they can/need to grow. Growth is What Stands Between You and Your DreamsOne of the things that I've found as I've coached tons of parents and teens is that growth is what's standing between you and your dreams. Want to become the parent of your dreams?Grow as a parent. Want a better relationship with your teen?Grow YOUR relationship with yourself and then your teen. Want to stop yelling, arguing, or simply avoiding all potential conflict with your teen?Grow yourself as a parent. The Gift Of GrowthI want to give you the gift of growth.I want to give you a FREE podcast-mini-series to help you grow as a parent. This mini-series will only be available for a limited time, from Monday November 14, 2022 through This is a gift that will impact not only you, but your whole entire family as well. Check out my FREE new podcast-mini-series Parenting From the Inside Out and learn how you can give your family the gift of your own personal growth. FREE Podcast-Mini-Series
When we bring awareness to our emotions we can better understand them.
Slow Progress is Still ProgressProgress is a ProcessProgress is Personal/IndividualProgress Has a PurposeJoin My BE The Change Challenge!Let's go back to the basics!Join my BE The Change Challenge on Facebook. Listen to my first 5 episodes and share your progress on Facebook. YES! I WANT TO JOIN THE CHALLENGE!
Humans Overcomplicate ThingsIf you're like most people, you're probably guilty of overcomplicating things. This is in our human nature. Your Subconscious Mind Loves SimplicityYour subconscious is craving simplicity. We think we want complicated, and all the bells and whistles, but what we really want is simplicity.Over-Complication Leads to Overwhelm Lately in my 1:1 coaching and in the Firmly Founded Family membership, I've been coaching a lot on OVERWHELM. It seems like everyone is overwhelmed these days, especially me. Moms and dads are overwhelmed because it's the holiday season, and their houses aren't clean enough or decorated well enough, and they need to do all this stuff, and help their kids do all this stuff, and they need to pay the bills and work, but then they're not home, and they just feel like they are failing at everything because they can't do everything, and they feel overwhelmed and stressed. Teens are overwhelmed because their grades aren't good enough, and they have so many things that they don't want to miss out on, and school, and church, and youth groups, and coaching calls, and sports, and, and, and, . . . And I'm overwhelmed because I have so many things I want to do. I want to have the best family membership, the best coaching content, the best courses, and I want to start an entrepreneurial alternative to high school for teens who hate school, and I want the most clients, and I want to coach football and win the most games and have the trickiest plays, plus I just want to hangout with my family all the time, all of which leaves me feeling overwhelmed and stressed. If you're like everyone I've ever coached on overwhelm, you probably don't like it. Overwhelm will hold you back. Overwhelm will suck all the joy and confidence from your life. Simplicity Leads to BEing If you want more peace, joy, and confidence in your life, start turning to simplicity. Seriously, it will change EVERYTHING. One of the things keeping you from BEing the parent of your dreams is overwhelm. Trying to be everything, and do everything, and have everything is keeping you from BEing who you want to be. Get Access to My Next Course at 50% OFF! (You just have to help me with some feedback).I'm implementing some new teachings in my next course, and I'm redoing tons of components with the goal of simplification. Help me hone in this trainings and make the course as simple, yet impactful, as possible, while saving a bunch of money. Get the Course for $125 OFF!
Why Don't People Change?Everyone wants to change! But, very few people actually create the change that they are looking for. Why is that?Why don't people change; or, why don't people create the change that they are looking for?Today we're going to explore 2 things. What keeps people from change, in general?. . . And, . . . What's keeping YOU from changing? What Keeps People From Changing?The Firmly Founded Family theme for October is: Facing Your Fears!On Monday, we hosted a FREE training on Taming Your Emotional Monsters. We're doing a fun challenge for the month to help you and your family overcome your fears. By participating in this training (watching the replay) and doing things to overcome your fears, you and your family can win a $100 Amazon Gift Card. Register for this FREE training for the whole family by clicking the button below.Taming Your Emotional Monsters Replay
Facing Your Fears

Facing Your Fears

2022-10-0619:38

FREE Taming Your Emotional Monsters Training SOON!We're hosting a free Family Home Evening style training on Monday, October 10th, @ 6:00 pm MDT. Is Fear Holding You Back?Tips for How To Face Your FearsIdentify and Acknowledge Your FearGet to know what you're afraid of.Understand it.Acknowledge that you are afraid and that it’s okay.Mentally Go ThereIf you are scared, you are likely focusing on things outside of your control, and you are likely catastrophizing.Understand that and mentally go there.Picture yourself experiencing the thing that you fear.Decide Who You Want to BE In The Face of Your FearThis is hard, but explore who you want to be in the face of your fear.See yourself BEing that way in the face of your fear.Understand why you want to be that way.Explore How That Way Of BEing Would Apply To Your Best Case ScenarioOnce you’ve identified who/how you want to be in the worst case scenario, your fear, see how that would serve you in the best case scenario.How does this way of being apply to both scenarios?Practice BEing The Parent Of Your DreamsNow, get back to reality and practice BEing the parent of your dreams.This doesn’t make the fear go away, but it gives you a guide for how you want to be.This shifts your focus back to the one thing you can control, YOURSELF!The Firmly Founded Family theme for October is: Facing Your Fears!On Monday, October 10th, 2022, @ 6:00 pm MDT, we will be hosting a FREE training on Taming Your Emotional Monsters. We're also going be doing a fun challenge for the month to help you and your family overcome your fears. By participating in this training and doing things to overcome your fears, you and your family can win a $100 Amazon Gift Card. Register for this FREE training for the whole family by clicking the button below.FREE Taming Your Emotional Monsters Training
Tips for How To Stop Over-Thinking and Reprogramming Your MindThe Fist Step is awareness. The Second Step is to manage your attention.The Third Step is to make things simple. The Fourth Step is to practice ways of BEING.And the Fifth and Final Step is to trust yourself. The Firmly Founded Family theme for October is: Facing Your Fears!On Monday, October 10th, 2022, @ 6:00 pm MDT, we will be hosting a FREE training on Taming Your Emotional Monsters. We're also going be doing a fun challenge for the month to help you and your family overcome your fears. By participating in this training and doing things to overcome your fears, you and your family can win a $100 Amazon Gift Card. Register for this FREE training for the whole family by clicking the button below.FREE Taming Your Emotional Monsters Training
Negotiation is ImportantSometimes I say things that go completely against the grain. This might be one of those things that might be different from what you've learned. But I'm going to say it. Negotiation with your teen IS IMPORTANT!After years of working with teens. one thing I've learned is that if you try to control too much of their life, they will take back control, sometimes very drastically. This is why negotiation is so important. Negotiation is respecting the fact that neither one of you controls the other and making an effort to agree on something that supports the values of both parties.  If you are raising a teenager, I highly recommend that you start mastering the art of negotiating with your teenager.The Risks of Not Negotiating With Your TeenFirst off, I want to be 100% honest and say that there are some things that are NON-NEGOTIABLE with my teen. These are things that I'm not willing to budge on. It's okay to have non-negotiables. Take some time to get to know what those are for you, but everything shouldn't be a non-negotiable, or no one will ever want to negotiate with you.  If you control too many things in your teen's life, you run the risk of them taking control via drastic measures like running away, blatantly breaking rules, self-harming, and even suicide. Negotiating Will Help You Build Stronger RelationshipsThere are some serious benefits to negotiating with your teen. Here are a few of the benefits that I was able to think of:Negotiating builds stronger relationships. It models powerful communication. It models how to understand your values and the values of others. It teaches your teen how to put themselves in the shoes of others. Negotiating helps you and your teen come up with better solutions.It promotes buy-in and ownership.Now one likes to be steamrolled. I seriously believe that better negotiation has the power to improve relationships. I've seen it improve communication in my own home and how the systems within our home flow with my own children, and especially with our foster children. You might not be great at negotiating with your teen because you never saw the example of negotiation with your parents. Often when I teach this to parents, they tell me, "I wish my parents would have done this with me more. Common MistakesWhen it comes to parent/teen negotiations, one of the most common problems that I see is simply an unwillingness to negotiate.I often hear parents say that their teen is the one who is unwilling to negotiate. As a parent myself, I understand that my teen just wants his way. I get it. So, I take it upon myself to find ways to negotiate whenever possible. This is an area where, if your teen is unwilling to negotiate, I'd invite you to be the change you want to see. Find a way for YOU to negotiate. Tips for How To Improve Your NegotiationRespect your teen and their valuesKnow your values and your non-negotiablesGet your teen's inputVoice your inputExplore options with your teenJoin me and my family on a service trip to Mexico!If you're tired of getting your kids stuff for Christmas that doesn't last, come join me and my family on a service trip to Mexico. If you want to give the gift of life long memories to your teens and your family, come join us. Learn More HERE! Come to Mexico with Us!!
On today's episode I discuss how most parents are working from the "Doing" model and how we can "BE" the parents of our dreams if we live in the "BEING" model instead.Check out the show notes at FirmlyFoundedParent.com/118
Are you interested in joining a service trip to Mexico? Don't know where to start?In this episode I talk with Stacia Chavez a seasoned expert on doing just that.visit achf.org for more information on how to donate or volunteer.
On this episode I talk with Allison about the Best Mom Ever virtual summit she is hosting.It is all about helping parents create the relationship they dream of with their teenagers.We're not trying to improve parents. Parents are doing their best. Doing your best is good enough. We want to help parents embrace Growth instead of being fixed as a parent. Brené Brown - The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting.It's good for our kids to see our imperfections. They aren't perfect, and neither are we as parents.Come Learn how to Grow Yourself! And learn how to connect and have the kind of relationship you want with your teen.Click the link below to sign up.Best Mom Ever Summit - Sign up Here!
Powerful Communication PrinciplesSeek to first understand, then to be understood.ListenValidateSeek to understand their modelWhat are their circumstances?How do they think?How are they feeling?What are their actions?What are the results they're creating and what results do they want to create?Understand your own model.Show that you either understand, or that you want to understand. Catch and reprogram your automated responsesYour automated responses are likely to be unintentional, Catch it and replace it with an intentional response.It helps me to explore different perspective. It helps me to explore different driving emotions. Tell the whole truth. One of the things that kills communication is dishonestyBe honest with yourself and others. Tell the WHOLE truth, not just the convenient of soft truth. Be committed to YOUR relationship with them.It's powerful to know that NOTHING you can ever do will change how someone feels towards you. Commit to your relationship with your teen, no matter what!Your teen just wants to be heard, understood, and to belong. Commit to that.Speak from a space of service. This is a tricky one. It's not, "How can I fix you?" It's "How can I help you?"Seek to first understand, then to be understood.Part of communication is being understood. We don't want to ignore this.How can you make things relevant to your teen. How can you make things easier to understand?Join The Firmly Founded Family!The doors to the Firmly Founded Family membership are now open!If you want a happier home, this membership is for you. If you want to give your teen the gift of having a life coach in their corner, this membership is for you and your teen. If you want this school year to go better than the last, and your not sure how to best support your teen, this membership is for you. There's no other membership that we know of that is designed to help both parents and teens. Inside the membership both you and your teen will get support you need to stop the fighting and struggling and start thriving. Join The Family Membership TODAY!
STOP Parenting By Other's Rules!Okay, this is something that's come up in some of my recent 1:1 coaching session, and I wanted to bring this to your attention so you can hopefully STOP Parenting By Other's Rules. I've seen parents trying to parent according to the rules of their teens, their spouse or ex-spouse, or even their parents or in-laws.The truth is, we all have "rules" for ourselves and others in the form of expectations, requests and manuals. If you are playing according to someone else's rules, you're not respecting your own rules and role. The problem is, if you try to parent according to someone else's rules, you will be unhappy. You will feel the strain of parenting out of alignment with your values. Give This Gift To Your TeensRecently, I've been questioning the rules that I've allowed others to put in my life. This summer we have let my teen miss family events, church events, and other fun things, all in the name of football. The coaches told my son that kids who are serious about football don't miss practices. I've taught my son the importance of making his coaches happy and doing whatever they ask so they'll be more likely to give him playing time. The problem is, I'm reinforcing these "rules", made up by others with the best of intentions, in the life of my teen. The problems is, I'm reinforcing the subconscious belief that you need to conform to the rules of others. I'd rather teach him to live by his own rules. You can give this gift to your teen by showing the example of living by your own rules.You can also support them when they want to live by a different set of rules. It's scary as a parent, to allow your teen to think for themselves and choose what rules they will and will not follow, but imagine how much happier your life would be if you weren't so worried about following other people's rules. This isn't to say that you can live by what ever rules you want without consequences. But, you can choose what rules you will play by and what consequences and outcomes you want. Define YOUR Rules and YOUR RoleIf you want to stop parenting according to the rules of others, you'll need to take some time to define your own rules. The first step is to define your role as a parent. For me, I'm a teacher, coach, advocate, friend, and example. That's my job. I gave it to myself. I'm pretty good at it, though I still have room for growth. You get to define your own role. Next, start understanding the rules you're willing to live by. For me, I'm willing to pay my taxes. I go to church most Sundays because I want to. These are some of the rules of others that I'm willing to play by. Here are some rules that I'm not willing to follow, I'm not willing to work a traditional 9-5 job. I want to set my own rules when it comes to my business rather than following traditional employment rules. Drop Your Rules For OthersA mother that I recently worked with had a few rules for her son. He should love me. He should think I'm a good mom. The problem is, anything you think someone else should do is outside of your control. So, follow your own rules instead. I will love me. I will believe that I'm a good mom. The truth is, when you free people from the expectation to follow your rules, you liberate them and you liberate yourself. When you quit trying to live by the rules of others, you free up all that energy to be able to live by your own rules. 
Comments (1)

Valerie Christensen

I have a couple boys with ADHD. Interesting that in ADHD literature, they have added an "F." Fight, flight, freeze or FIB. It is an automatic reaction to avoid trouble and in my experience is very accurate with this group. Thanks for the podcast. 👍

Aug 16th
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