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Something your partner did cause you pain and frustration. You want to tell them what hurt you, but you seem to always end up in a fight when you bring it up. Sound familiar? In this episode, I get into the specifics of how you can deliver feedback about something your partner did and what you'd like them to do differently in a way that actually gets results. Every single couple has to have these conversations, but you can develop skills that can reduce the negative fallout and even bring you closer.As you listen to this episode, you’ll hear about:What NOT to do in an emotionally-charged conversationThe steps you can use every time to have conversations that help you feel closerHow to remember the point of these conversations when you're in the middle of it Reducing the amount of residual pain that comes from messy conversationsWhy and how to take ownership of your feelings in a conversationAnd more. “That's a big part of what relationships can do for us. They give us a safe place to work out old feelings”-Michele Lisenbury Christensen E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.Hot Moments in This Episode:Why you shouldn’t “air your grievances” (3:57)How a laminated checklist helped my relationship (9:41)Why you might set a time limit on your conversations (11:08)The “cheap booby prize” you may be taking instead of satifaction (15:02) I hope that today's podcast can help you have conversations in a more productive way and feel like your pains are actually doorways to more closeness, deeper intimacy and more joy together.  And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:Related episodes of Sex.Love.Power:Defensiveness episodePoorly Timed Conversations episodeThe 5 Winning Relationship Strategies episodeThe 5 Losing Relationship Strategies episodeTerry Real’s books:The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love WorkI Don't Want to Talk about It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male DepressionHow Can I Get Through to You?: Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and WomenUs: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving RelationshipThe Settling Down Together ChecklistIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. 
These past few weeks have been tough on our nervous systems. Many people are hurting and bewildered. I wondered how I could best help through the podcast, and what came to me was that this popular episode, recorded with my friend Jessica Pullins, PhD, is the best set of tools I can give you to help you pull yourself and others through when your heart and mind are reeling. If you have a nervous system, you need this episode.   And particularly if you ever:Rreact strongly to your partner and want to fight or flee or bothFeel exhausted, at an emotional or energetic level, by your dayFreeze up and find yourself unable to speak, move forward, or interactThis intro to what's REALLY going on, and what you can do about it, can be life-changing.  It's self-care, it's relationship elevating, it's survival skills. It's good.As you listen to this episode, you'll learn about:The nervous system state we must be in for connection to work, and the three other states we’re always moving in and out.Why stonewalling, withdrawal, or non-responsiveness in relationship aren’t always a partner being unloving or deliberately withdrawn and what’s sometimes REALLY going on instead.How, sometimes, what looks like depression is just a nervous system state of “freeze” and what you can do about it.And more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks."If you can find strategies to get back into your body via the senses, that will get you grounded and calm. THAT'S WHAT GROUNDING IS."- Dr. Jessica PullinsHot Moments in This Episode:Recognizing when its a state vs when it’s a trait (11:24)When otherwise articulate people lose the ability to speak (13:33)Common triggers of freeze states (16:03)Learning to notice freeze response by noticing it in your partner and others (27:27)I hope you find this episode helps you see some of your own and your partner’s experiences in a refreshing new light.  I hope it helps you remember your exquisite beauty, divinity, and intrinsic aliveness.  And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.6. RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:Self Regulation Toolkit DownloadIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and  my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Do you find yourself saying, "We're so busy, I feel like roommates?” Or maybe you say, "We know we need to go on dates, but we never seem to get around to it. And then if we do go, a lot of times we get into a fight." Today on Sex. Love. Power., we're talking about spending more time together. Whether that's talking, having fun, or getting naked together. We're going to cover how to recognize the resistance so you can break through those totally understandable obstacles and actually get more closeness and heat between you.As you listen to this episode, we’ll talk about:Why time alone together matters for your relationship in the long-termThe reasons you don’t spend time together, even if you know you shouldHow to keep alone time from turning into a conflictThe habits that are keeping you from truly connecting and new ones you can formAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“We need to have more fun together. In order to help us resolve some of these conflicts. It's not the other way around, where we have to resolve these conflicts before we can have fun together.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:The six reasons time together can be uncomfortable [5:44]What to do if you don’t have anything to talk about together [8:51]Why you are disappointed with the time you spend with your partner [13:23]Why you might want to start with being alone with yourself first [17:05]I hope that you are inspired to experiment with these ideas just a little bit, and then build from there so that you can give and receive more joy or pleasure and more care.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Do you feel like you're always in charge, like you're always handling all the heavy lifting in your shared life? Or do you ever feel your partner can be so controlling or perfectionistic that you tend to hang back? Both of these situations are issues of what I call polarity - the interaction between dominance and submission (and, no, I’m not just talking about in bed). If you want to go from frustration and jockeying for position, or avoiding conflict, over to playful, effective interactions sizzling with energy, this is the episode for you. As you listen to this episode, you’ll learn:How the dynamics of dominance and submission play out in everyday lifeWhat can go wrong when you’re missing polarityThe three keys to creating an arc of polarity in your relationshipHow to get more of the energy you want from yourself and your partnerHow you can tell if you’re in the dominant or submissive roleAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“We tend to reject so many of the sensations of aliveness that arise because we put them in that box that we label ‘bad sensations.’ So tear the label off that box and follow the sensations that are arising now.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:The three mistakes nice guys make [4:16]How your marriage is like a pair of magnets [6:00]How to speak in a penetrating way [8:29]When your partner’s standard for you is too oppressive [10:39]I hope that whether you are choosing to lead or to follow, you use these keys to polarity to create delicious connections and deeper love.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Defensiveness

Defensiveness

2022-05-1036:50

I want to devote a whole episode to the topic of defensiveness: how we engender it in each other, and why we get defensive ourselves. This is one of the biggest things I see stopping couples from communicating effectively, from connecting more deeply, and from experiencing more turn-on and erotic charge in their relationships. So if you've had defensiveness on either side of the conversation, this episode is for you.As you listen to this episode, we’ll cover:Reasons you get defensive- whether it’s stemming from you or from your partnerWhat to do when your partner or someone else seems defensive. What to do when you feel unfairly attacked or accusedHow to calm down when either of you has gotten defensiveAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“It's a tremendous challenge and opportunity to be fresh in today's conversation, rather than to call up that whole library of painful experiences that everybody, even in a good relationship, has over years and years together, because you're both human.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:Why you should celebrate when defensiveness comes up [5:37]One of the best tools for dismantling defensiveness when bringing up an issue [15:25]Signs that your partner may be becoming defensive [17:35]What happens when you “throw in the kitchen sink” [26:40]I wish for every couple listening today is to be able to talk about the most tender things, the most raw things, the deepest reactions you have to one another because those contain the gold of both your personal evolutions and the most intimate relationship that you can possibly have with each other.Resources mentioned in this episode:Arbinger Institute booksSelf-Regulation Toolkit Part I: Regulating The Freeze ResponseSelf-Regulation Toolkit Part 2: Fight or FlightIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
This week, I'm bringing back the most popular episode of the podcast for your listening pleasure.The 12 Elements of Power framework is more relevant now than ever for for us as feminists who don't want to think about power in an essentialist sense, don't want to think that there are particular qualities that we don't have access to because that hasn't been our lived experience. What we know is that we have within us, for instance, both the capacity to be self-reliant, and the capacity to be connected. Those are two of the elements of power. And all of the elements come in pairs like this that we'll talk through today. In this episode, we’ll talk about :How Driving and Receiving are two sides of the same coin… We can only do so much “making it happen” without a commensurate capacity to “let it in.”Why “masculine” traits and “feminine” traits are a fallacy, even though there’s plenty of evidence for them, and what’s more true than that kind of gender essentialismThe twelve precise capacities every human possesses and needs to master to be fully powerful in love and elsewhere in life Hot Moments in this episode:What “psychological patriarchy” is and how it affects us [7:19]How the 12 Elements of Power can be like bodybuilding [11:18]The element of power that looks the least like power, but may be the most powerful [15:06]Taking the elements of power into the realm of intimacy [17:15]I hope you find this episode is just what you need to hear as you navigate your relationship in these intense times. I hope you are able to remember your exquisite beauty, divinity, and intrinsic aliveness.  And I hope you let the light within you illuminate the world around you.
This is a different kind of episode. Often, I record podcast episodes about things that have come up with clients recently or I initiate out of conversations that I feel like we need to have in the culture that we haven't been having. Today's episode is about a topic that is blowing my mind right now, because I didn't think of it this way until I was reading this amazing book, "The Audacity to Be You" by Brad Reedy. In this episode, I want to talk about Reedy’s concept of the “three circles” because I believe that this concept is at the heart of intimacy. And it's also at the root of most conflict, especially between two people.As you listen to this episode, you'll discover:Brad Reedy’s “three circles model” and how it ties in with what I am learning about myselfHow we get walled off from one another or tangled up in each other's selves How we can use the three circles model to better know ourselves and our partnerWhere to start to create more of a sense of self and healthier intimacy with other peopleHow this can apply to many of your relationships- whether it’s your spouse, children, or friends And more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“The inner work of being an adult is to find those pieces of ourselves that we've disowned, that we thought weren't lovable, that we thought that no one could both see and care about us and to bring those backup.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:What it means to keep people out of your circle (6:34)The two jobs you each have in your relationship circle (8:46)What I do when my husband’s bad mood causes me anxiety (13:31)The messages we learn from childhood about our true selves (16:09)RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:The Audacity to be You by Brad ReedyIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and  my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
You've tried therapy before, and it didn't get you where you wanted to go. Maybe it helped. Many people report to me that it got them on the right path, but not really to their goals. My goal is to help couples not just reduce the “itching, burning and swelling”- the immediate pains that they're facing when they come to me- but truly create a great relationship. And, truly, what many of the couples that come to me want is to go from a good really solid relationship to a great relationship, which I call Legacy Love. Today, we're going to talk about why couples counseling often doesn't get couples to that place, and how to make sure that next time you do make an investment in your relationship, it can get you where you really want to go.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:The point at which most couples seek counseling What I’ve learned about couples counseling from my own experiences in therapyWhat you need to be doing between your sessions is to get the results you wantThe importance of putting the conversation about the relationship in the context of trauma, power, patriarchy, and colonizationThe difference between treating the symptoms and actually building towards our visionAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“Our rates of normal marital mediocrity can be chalked up to not having a high enough vision and a deep enough devotion to being one another's person.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:How to “shovel while the pile is small”  [3:28]The “twofer” that gets in the way of building Legacy Love in therapy [4:17]How the patriarchy affects your relationship that a therapist may miss [11:08]What I hope your next investment in your relationship looks like [18:17] I hope this episode gives you what you need to seek the support that will help the two of you keep going all the way to the shining, emotional and energetic aliveness that you really want in our relationship. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.RESOURCES OR LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODETony Porter Man Box Ted TalkIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation
There are some serious ways that our partners can be stuck. Many clients and members of my audience have approached me with concerns like, "I just need him to get a job and nothing I've tried has worked" or "Her drinking is really concerning to me, but it's not concerning to her so she's not about to get into recovery.” It's very reasonable that your partner might feel terrified to make a particular change and you may be the only voice or the loudest voice asking them to change. Today's episode is about how we get our partners on board with something that we really want, but that perhaps you've spent years trying to get through to them about and it hasn't worked. In this episode, I’ll walk you through: How to get clarity about what you’re willing to give in order to have the relationship you envisionMy experience of drawing a line with my husband and how it transformed our marriageHow to start the conversation about your partner's behaviors in a way that can benefit you and your partnerFinding a “Plan B” to underscore for you what’s really going on (and how that’s different than a threat)Understanding the objections that may arise when you confront these behaviorsE.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“I assure you, you were built for more. If you are living in a way that is hobbled by your partner’s under-functioning or under-living, they deserve and you deserve so much more.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:How you can call your partner to begin their “hero’s journey”The negotiating tactic you can use to get clarityThe three-stage way I communicated about my partner’s outburstsSome sentence starters that can help you begin a productive conversationI hope that you get to a place where this kind of invitation is just a working part of who you are as a couple; that you keep leapfrogging into new possibilities. erotically emotionally, career-wise,  This is a never-ending road, not of difficulty and pain, but of potential and joy, growth, freedom, and pleasure. And that's what I want for you.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Unmet Needs

Unmet Needs

2022-02-2428:39

Think for a moment about what conditions you thrive under, what sets you up to be your happiest, your healthiest, most balanced, joyful self. When that thing is missing it functions like a rock in your shoe. You're not unable to keep walking is just a little bit more painful. That’s how an unmet need can feel and how it can create tension and unhappiness in your life. Today, I want to address what needs are and what they aren't, and how you know. We'll talk about what's possible when your needs get met, and what to do when they're not.As you listen to this episode, we’ll talk about:The categories of needs that people often come to me aboutHow to distinguish between “wants” and “desires” and how they overlapSigns that you may have unmet needsPatterns that individuals and couples fall into when they have unmet needsApproaches you can use to get your needs metUnraveling myths and misconceptions around your needs E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks."Desires are the marching orders that the divine writes on our hearts. They speak to who we are to be in this world."-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:The difference between my approach and Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (3:32)The most amazing thing about needs (13:00)What to try if an unmet need feels like an emergency (14:53)What the “portfolio approach” is and how to make it work for you (18:21)I hope that you're taking away a bright vision of yourself as an organism that has needs that you might not have pinpointed yet, but that you can get acquainted with. And I hope that you can see that when you honor those needs, you do a service not just to yourself, but to your partner and everyone you're close to and truly to the whole world. If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Turn on Your Marriage

Turn on Your Marriage

2022-02-1021:35

This topic is very close to my heart and it is one of the central beliefs that informs all the work I do with my clients. Today,  I'm here to tell you that you deserve and are capable of experiencing pleasure no matter where you are in life. In my latest episode, we talk about how you can bring more of that pleasure and aliveness into your marriage.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:The five beliefs that you need to create for yourself to sustain the level of turn-on that your body and your heart yearn forWhat happens when you think of your marriage as another “to-do” and how to turn it into an energy source insteadInterrogating your beliefs around what you “deserve”Accepting that you can cultivate pleasure at any size, shape, age (despite your objections)The importance of looking at your vision for what’s possible in your relationshipAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.I'm here to tell you that pleasure is absolutely possible at any age. And beyond possible, it's absolutely worthy and beautiful and it is our birthright.-Michele Linsebury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:The steamroller you’ll have to stand up to in order to have a turned on marriageWhy you already have what you need in order to have a turned-on lifeWhy learning sex tricks probably isn’t going to help...The fundamental question I dare you to ask yourselfI hope you pursue that shining vision of what you can be, have, enjoy, and experience. You deserve it, you are worthy of it.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. 
You Want Someone Else

You Want Someone Else

2022-01-2711:37

Let me ask you a personal question (or a few). Do you have fantasies about sex with other people? Do you have sometimes active desires to consummate those fantasies? Do you wonder what that means about you or about your partner? I’m going to guess you answered “yes” to at least one of these questions. And you know what? That is all totally okay. Today we're going to talk about your desire for sex with other people and start to dig in to what that could mean for you.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about: Different reasons you might want sex with another personWhat your desires or fantasies might signal about your needs and how they could actually benefit your relationshipWhat it means you are fantasizing about a specific person or about finding someone new in the abstractQuestions to ask yourself about to get to the root of your desire and address itAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“ I think of sexual fantasies as being like a Pensieve, they show us ourselves. You can see yourself in your desires.”-Michele Linsenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:The truth about non-monogamy (1:56)What you can learn about your desires from Harry Potter (3:20)Why certain milestones may cause these desires to arise (6:13) How I dealt with my fantasy about the contractor who was renovating my home (8:13)My wish for you is that, after listing to this episode, you choose to be gentle with yourself when you have fantasies, desires and urges. Don't push them down. Don't chastise yourself for having them. Instead, I hope that you stay curious about and open yourself to the aliveness that is awaiting you on the other side.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and  my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
My Money, Our Money

My Money, Our Money

2022-01-1332:28

Money is a hot topic, especially in relationship to love and sex in long-term relationships. Money is energy, and it's power. How you handle money together shapes so much of the rest of your experience of your partnership and how you feel about yourself. So, today, I thought I'd dive into it in an episode about my money, our money, your money, and look at the relationship side and the erotic side of what happens with couples and money.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear learn:Managing money when you both have different approaches (spender or saver?)Diving into your “money memories” and what they may mean for you todayHow the meanings that you assign to money affect your relationship dynamicRecognizing both partners’ contributions to the relationshipNavigating an income differential in a way that is satisfying to you bothAnd more.    E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“Money is like a mirror, it will reflect whatever we hold up to it.”  - Michele Lisenbury Christensen Hot Moments in This Episode:The money habit that’s a sex-crusher (8:20)How money conflicts can be the canary in the coal mine (9:42)Explaining what I mean by “financial infidelity” (13:25)The different money strategies I have heard from hundreds of people (17:56) I hope that whatever you choose to do together with money, do it consciously, communicate openly, explore the meaning that you've made up, and rewrite the meanings.  And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.Fair Play by Eve RodskyMoney Harmony by Olivia Mellan and Sherry ChristieYNAB (You Need a Budget)If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
I am a nerd for planning. I love to envision the future. I love to review the past. And New Year's time is totally a time when I want to look over the past year and see the themes and then set intentions for the new year with my husband. But pretty early in our relationship, I got the picture that Kurt was not a planner in the same way that I was. And perhaps you can relate. I find that in most couples, there's one person who's way more into this stuff than the other. And that's perfectly alright. I'm here to help both of you have a peaceful and joyful way of moving through a process of really capturing the gems from the past year, setting intentions for the coming year, and keeping your relationship on a really powerful trajectory. As you listen to this episode, we’re talking about:The three most common questions I get about reviewing your year and setting intentionsWhy it’s worth it to review your year togetherHow to have a meaningful review of the year even if your partner is not really into planningIdentifying the themes of your past year togetherThe free live events I’ll be hosting to help you in your planning and review processAnd more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks."Truly amazing relationships get stronger over time, instead of grinding each other down over time. They're intentional."-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:How reviewing your year is kindaaa like my fifth grade racquetball class (4:17)What do I mean by “relational amnesia”? (8:02)The myth about relationships I’ve seen affect thousands of couples (10:38)The annual exercise that I highly encourage all couples to do- even if you skip everything else (14:40) I wish you a blessed new year. I hope that each year of your life together is even better than the one before. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.If you want to snag a copy of the Couples’ Guide, head over to couplesvision.com for your free download and details on how to RSVP for my live planning calls.
"If I'm such a visionary about relationship, and my partner doesn't think that way, isn't that a problem?" This is a question I have heard many times and one I asked myself in my relationship, too.  It’s a big responsibility and can feel like a burden. But what I have come to see is that I am someone who has been gifted with the opportunity to hold vision. So in this episode, I'm going to share with you what I've learned about being a visionary in love. I'm going to answer some of those key questions that visionaries often ask me, and I'm going to call you up, I'm going to invite you into courage and into action in the role of the visionary. In this episode, we’ll discuss:What a visionary is and what our role is in our relationshipsWhy you don’t have to worry if you feel like you’re always two steps ahead of your partner in visioning your relationshipThe difference between “values” and “approach” and why it mattersRecognizing the higher desire partner in aspects of your relationshipHow to pursue your “too big” vision without resenting (or creating resentment from) your partnerAnd more.  “Being the visionary means that we take 100% responsibility for becoming and living from the qualities within ourselves that will bring about that vision.” -Michele Lisenbury ChristensenGet The Couples' Guide to Planning an Amazing New Year for free at CouplesVision.comHot Moments in This Episode:What a therapist asked me in 2003 that changed my life (1:57)The two core questions that people often ask me when they're the visionary (8:49)Why you might have chosen a partner who isn’t as ambitious as you (11:29)Getting your partner on board with your vision (16:10)The free tool you can download now to create a vision for your life together (18:32) My wish for you is that you see yourself as that visionary, that change agent who is blessed with a vision that others might not yet see, but a vision that will serve you in the world very well, if you nourish yourself well enough to hold the vision and devote yourself to it with self love and perseverance. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.Resources Mentioned in this episode:Heifer InternationalIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Every year for the holidays, you make it a priority to spend time with your extended family or focus on making magic for your kids, but your relationship becomes an afterthought. Over the last 24 years together, Kurt and I have really focused on this and learned a lot about how to make sure that our holidays are a magical time for us as a couple as well. Together, we outlined the seven paths to hotter, more loving holidays, so that you can create a holiday season that's more pleasurable, intimate, peaceful, and nourishing so that after the holiday, you feel energized and inspired and not depleted.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:The questions that you and your partner can ask before each holiday to create a better experienceWays that you can indulge your senses to maximize pleasure and alivenessTaking the stress out of gift-giving Setting boundaries with loved ones that will protect your energyHow time alone together can keep you sane(r)And more.  “I invite you to look at where the pockets are where you might be able to create shared pleasure with your partner and keep yourself orgasm fueled so that you're at your best for the holiday.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:My “blasphemous” tip for creating more aliveness during family trips (6:22)How to keep the eroticism alive when you’re staying in your childhood bedroom (8:41)Why I bought a cow for my friends and family (16:31)Coming up with a Plan B for when a family member acts out (19:35)I hope you will try out just one or two of these paths to a hotter more loving holiday. My wish is for you to fully experience a magical and sacred time of year that feeds your aliveness. And may the light within you illuminate the world around you.Heifer InternationalIf the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and  my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.Full show notes & transcript are available at http://lisenbury.com/epsisode/043
Where Sex Gets Stuck

Where Sex Gets Stuck

2021-11-1822:57

In today's episode, we're gonna follow up our last conversation which was all about the core qualities that make a great lover in a long-term relationship with the other side of that same coin. There are four categories of obstacles to great passionate sex that just gets better for a lifetime. And the results I get with clients all trace back to my devotion to pinpointing and addressing these obstacles in a systematic way. Naturally, that all starts with knowing what those obstacles are in the first place. So that's why today we'll walk through the four obstacles to great passionate sex.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:The four categories of obstacles that I see getting in the way of sex all. the. time.Questions you can ask yourself (or your partner) to assess your obstacles in these areasMy method for pinpointing the combination of obstacles and addressing themWho you are and what you do out in the world affects how you show up in bed.And more.  E.g. Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples' Circle on Mighty Networks.“Enjoy your partner's body and your own and reveal your energy to them in a way that no one else gets to see.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:What the acronym ASS means and how it keeps you stuck in a rut (4:34)Why it’s not necessarily problematic that you’re not having orgasms (11:18)What I’ve learned from teaching sex education to eighth graders (12:34)How your husband’s past experiences may come between you in bedI hope you find this episode makes you feel less alone if you’re quietly facing one of these obstacles. My wish is that it will encourage you to take the first step to make your sex life everything you want it to be.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Would you like to have the kind of sex that surprises you and makes your partner surprised by the emergence of that facet of you? The sort of lovemaking that keeps you both coming back for more? Sex that allows you to call up the energy at the end of the day when you're both tired, but you cannot resist the adventure because you have no idea where it will lead? This episode is for you! I will share four qualities of a great lover, and I’m sure if you apply at least one of the qualities, your relationship will never be the same.As you listen to this episode, you'll discover:How body fascination comes in handy in your sex lifeWhen you are aware of your identity, you become an irresistible loverBeing present for yourself and your partner is the best thing you do for your relationshipPlaying it safe and declining to reveal ourselves is the perfect recipe for boring sex The energy you bring to the relationship determines how good it getsWhere do you feel this conversation in your body? My free conscious couples circle is the place to continue our conversation. You can share your experiences, ask questions and get more actionable ideas for creating the love and sex you deeply desire in ways that evolve you fully. “Intimacy is both high sensation and high emotion. If you can't regulate yourself, when there's that much flowing through, it's kind of like if you can't swim in a fast flowing river. And you're going to get carried away by it.”-Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:To be a great lover, you need to get fascinated by your body and your partner’s body [04:54]Great lovers create a story of who they are [07:15]The essence of staying present in the right moments [14:34]How great energy brings life into lovemaking in a relationship.[17:50]I hope you find this episode excites you and inspires you to embrace your inner lover.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you,  please subscribe so that you’ll always know when we have a new episode. Also, please leave us a review. It will help more people find this podcast and benefit from the conversations here.
Creating Turn On

Creating Turn On

2021-10-2116:28

When we own our turn on, it lets us really own the truth of our erotic nature that it is ours and ours alone. If you've been looking for that formula on creating turn on and what we should and shouldn't do, tune in to this week's episode!This week, we're going to talk about creating turn on. Often, couples come to me wanting to feel more turned on in their relationship. I’m going to say something you might find unexpected: we can’t rely on our partners to turn us on (at least, not completely). From  my experience, turn on is something we create within ourselves. Our turn on has a lot to do with a great many things that take place outside the bedroom outside the erotic arena. You cannot afford to miss this episode.As you listen to this episode, you’ll learn:The benefits of turning ourselves onThe unfortunate ways that we turn ourselves offHow to turn ourselves on and rekindle the power inside us. Join the conversation by listening, share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.“I firmly believe that turned on women, who have come fully alive to themselves, women who claim and maintain that unicorn space are the key to solving the problems that ail the world.” -Michele Lisenbury ChristensenHot Moments in This Episode:What happens when we don’t turn ourselves on?[03:03]How we turn ourselves off.[05:53]The process of turning ourselves on.  [09:34]I sincerely hope that this episode has challenged you to turn yourself on to bring out that powerful woman in you.I’d love to hear what you’re taking away from this episode and what questions you have. What action are you willing to take daily to ensure you turn yourself on?
We need to talk. One of the conversations I think we need to have is about how to get out of your head during sex. If this applies to you, you’re not alone: so many of my clients get stuck in their heads in bed. And there's a number of reasons for this. In this episode, I will talk you through the traps that many people get stuck in that take the enjoyment out of sex and how you can start getting out of your head and into the moment.As you listen to this episode, you’ll learn:Some of the most common reasons men can’t show up fully in bedWhat to do when you’re feeling self-consciousWhat I mean when I say you may be “misusing sex”How to be present to your partner in bedWays that you can make more space in your life for amazing, connected sex Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Conscious Couples’ Circle on Mighty Networks.Hot Moments in This Episode:What my dancing has in common with your sex lifeHow I know your partner is NOT evaluating youWhat to ask yourself instead of, “Am I doing this right?”Why asking “How long is my to-do list versus my partner’s?” can equal better sexMy wish for you is to release yourself from expectation and find deeper connection. I hope you let yourself be worshipped and worship yourself at this temple of pleasure.If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you and you want to create the love, sex, and aliveness you desire with more ease, I invite you to enter a deeper relationship with me, through private coaching or my group mentorship program. Either way, you get powerful tools, conversation cheat sheets, meditations, and my loving and skillful attention every month, so your capacity for the pleasure and joy you want grows, continuously. TAP HERE to apply for a consultation.See the full show notes at lisenbury.com/episode/039.
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