John Thurman's Resilient Solutions Shortcast

One of the questions I ask many clients is, “What is your purpose or mission in life?”The inquiry usually leads to a pause, and they often say, “I’ve never been asked that question before.” If they have a church background, they say something like, “To love and serve God” or “To get married and raise a family.” But for the most part, they lack a personal mission statement or a clearly defined purpose. They usually need more focus, and a specific point to aim for.Focus is essential to living an intentional life because it allows us to be mindful of our actions and make decisions that serve our highest purpose. When we focus on doing what is necessary for growth, transformation, and success, we can create a more meaningful existence for ourselves.To learn moreJohn Thurmanwww.johnthurman.info505-343-2011

 Watch out for anger.Get closer to your partner. Be creative in finding ways to support your partner and grow your relationship.Integrate fun, special days into your routine.For Guys only - get off the couch and engage with your wife.By the way, be sure to download my 21 Ways to Improve Your Marriage ebook.Here is a link to the entire article.

Here are the 4 Tips - Be sure to check out the entire article to learn the right way to encourage your kids.Tip# 1 - Model ResilienceTip# 2 - Raise a Problem SolverTip# 4 - Praise Your Child Purposefully and IntentionallyTip# 4-  Set the Pace, be the Example because these life skills are more caught than taught.

ResistanceResistance is essentially stress inoculation. It refers to the ability of an individual, group, organization, or even an entire population to resist manifestations of clinical distress, impairment, or dysfunction associated with critical incidents, terrorism, and even mass disasters. Resistance is a form of psychological/behavioral immunity to distress and dysfunction.ResilienceThe second is resilience. According to Dr. George Bonanno, resilience is a naturally-occurring tool most people have always had in their psychological lockers, which is enhanced or weakened by experience and circumstances. In a nutshell, resilience is the power to overcome adversity, trauma, and low self-esteem and to be strengthened.My friend, trauma survivor, and fellow author Danielle Bernock says, “To be resilient is the ability to thrive instead of being traumatized.”5 Tips for Dealing with TraumaTip # 1 – Supervise your self-talk.Tip # 2 – Stop comparing yourself to others.Tip#3 – Stretch your limiting beliefs.Tip # 4 – Build up others.Tip# 5 – Get help.Here is a link to the blogBlessings,John Thurmanwww.johnthurman.infoEmail: john@johnthurman.infoUpcoming Events with JohnFeb 26th - Dealing with Anxiety - Sunday, February 26th @ Grace Church 9:00 and 10:30 am.  Church is located @ 6901 San Antonio NE, ABQ. This is a public eventMarch 3rd and 5th - Marriage and Family Conference - Evangel Christian Center 4901 Montgomery Blvd NE, here is the link. This is a public event.March 25th - Book Signing - Bibles Plus 2740 Wyoming NE Times TBAApril 1st - Mental Health for Church Security Teams - Private event

There are three final stages in How to Grow as a Man of Faith Pt 2: the Lover Stage, the King Stage, and the Sage Stage.The Lover StageThe lover needs the warrior to act decisively and restrain his passions.The lover stage (the 20s to 30s) is the awakening of the heart. This could manifest as a love of poetry, nature, music…and eventually romance.This is the stage in which men learn how to love themselves by loving others. It can also deepen your awareness of how you are created in God’s image.There are two extremes of lovers we need to look at before we move on.The addicted lover becomes consumed by short-term pleasure at almost any cost. This person is a collector of experiences, women, and toys. The addicted lover resists structure and pursues pleasure.The impotent lover lives in a muted world. His world may be void of color and flavor.The King StageIn the king stage (age 40-60), the man is mature, centered, and decisive. He lives with integrity and purpose. He protects his realm and serves his community.Read the entire article

How to Grow as a Man of Faith Pt # 1: The first three stages.When I was a child,  I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 1 Corinthians 13:11 NLTTo grow as a man of faith, you must understand the stages of masculine development. This is the first part of a series that will show you a map as you continue your journey.A man of faith is someone with a sense of purpose. He knows he has a life mission and understands what it means to be a man. This understanding comes from his faith, but it also comes from the relationships he has with others. He understands a well-lived life is in the context of a community.A Christian man is a man made in the image of God. If married, he is responsible for being the head of his home and leading his family. He is a man who is faithful to his wife and children, and he makes time for them every day. A Christian man is a man who knows he is created for greatness, but instead of chasing after it, he chooses to live humbly as an example to others.In this article, my heart desires to encourage you to be the man God called you to be. To help you to become a God-loving, courageous, resilient man with an enhanced ability to lead, love, serve, and leave a legacy in this world. To do this, I will review one roadmap to understanding some developmental markers we men face.As with any "journey," there must be a starting place. Here is an overview of the process.The Beloved SonThe Cowboy StageThe Warrior StageHere are four general things about a real warrior, whether single or married.        1. A warrior is trained        2. A warrior is humble        3. A warrior is accustomed to sacrifice       4. A warrior is connected to othersRead the articleJohn Thurmanjohn@johnthurman.info505-343-2011www.johnthurman.net

Here are the Four Ways:1. What are the results you are seeking?2. What measurable actions are you going to take?3. What is Your timeline?4. What is your motivation for doing this?Here is a link to the entire article.

This is the second in the How to be a Man of Faith in Today’s World series, where we will examine the second half of Dr. Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules of Life as well as some important scriptural concepts to remember as you and I seek to be the men God has called us to be.Summary:7.    Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient).8.    Tell the truth. Or at least don’t lie. 9.    Assume the person you are listening to knows something you don’t. 10.  Be precise in your speech. 11. Do not bother children when they are skateboarding. 12. Pet a cat when you encounter one in the street.Link to my blog

Laughter is a powerful tool that can have long-term positive effects on your health. It can improve your mood, relieve pain and infuse you with hope. Laughter has the power to enhance your autoimmune system and decrease the risk of heart disease. It can also reduce stress and anxiety, help with depression, lower blood pressure, and increase the production of endorphins which make you happy.Benefits of Laughter:It connects you with othersIt can smooth out differencesIt strengthens and promotes resilienceIt increases energy and helps your body relaxI can refresh your perspectiveIt increases productivityHere is a link to the articleHere are some links to some great laughs!Michael JrSmall FryTim HawkinsDr. Dennis SwanbergChonda PierceKen DavisAnita RenfroeContact John Thurman.  john@johnthurman.info or call 505-343-2011

In this episode, you will be able to identify your "Dad style" and learn how to be a better dad using Faith-Friendly Tools.Dad TypesThe Distant or Passive DadThe Angry, Abusive DadThe Inconsistent DadThe Dependent DadThe Overindulging DadThe Balanced and Engaged DadThe Eight Traits of a Growing Christian DadThey are learning how to love their wife and kidsThey are learning to lead their familiesThey are working on being better communicatorsThey provide for their familiesThey actively pursue wisdom and insight on becoming a better man and family leader. They provide age-appropriate correction and edification to their children They demonstrate grace by being ready to extend and receive forgiveness  They demonstrate love toward their wife.Here is the link to the article

According to the March 1-3, Harris Poll, the annual “Stress in America” survey found that more American adults rated inflation and the Russia-Ukraine situation as major stressors than any other issue in the poll’s entire 15-year history.American adults reported feeling emotionally overwhelmed and fatigued, with 87% agreeing it “feels like there has been a constant stream of crises without a break for the past two years.”What is the Antidote?Gratitude is the thankful appreciation of things received, whether tangible or intangible. It helps you and me connect with something outside ourselves, often transcendent and more extensive than we are. Being grateful for people and other blessings makes me more content and helps me rewire my brain to be more optimistic.Expressing gratitude is probably the most effective way to push fear, anxiety, and sadness out of your mind and replace it with good things.Here are four benefits of actively expressing gratitude.Here are the four benefits of actively expressing gratitudeThankfulness will boost your immune system, helping your body fight off infection.Gratitude significantly lowers your risk of causing or amplifying mental health issues.A thankful attitude strengthens you when you are under stress.Thankfulness develops resilience and helps you flourish when others fail.So, what are some gratefulness exercises you can begin today to build your resilience, improve your health, and lower your stress?Here are five ways you can use gratitude as a powerful stress buster.Read More

One of the keys to having a resilient, long-lasting marriage is to do what you can to make sure your wife feels good about your relationship.Do you know the 6 needs of a happy wife?1.             Women need love.2.             Women are emotional.3.             Women want security.4.             She doesn’t want you to fix it; she just wants you to listen.5.             “She doesn’t want much sex” does not mean “She must not want me.”6.             She wants to look attractive.Click here for the entire articleFeel free to contact me:  505=343-2011. email john@johnthurman.info

Americans are facing epic shifts in inflation and an unprecedented rise in gas prices!Researchers with the American Psychological Association report an 80% increase in stress and anxiety due to the current worldwide crisis with the Russian unfounded invasion of Ukraine.The Scriptures teach us to "cast all of our fear and anxiety on the Lord."  1 Peter 5:7In today's show, I reveal how to reframe FEAR and Anxiety by using a proven method that comes from my Cognitive Behavior Therapy training and finding ways to blend biblical principles with modern psychology. So much of our anxiety and fear can be managed and defeated by using existing, proven tools and biblical resources.One of my former teachers you to say that fear means Forget Everything And RunMy Mneumonic for FEAR, which is more of a resilience response isFaceEverythingAnd RiseHow will you face fear?Here is a link to the article.Do you have 14 minutes to learn a new skill? You can access my free training by simply texting the word Brain Tricks to 33777. You will be prompted to enter your email, once confirmed you will receive a link to the mini-class.Check my books:  Get a Grip on Depression  and The No Fear Entrepreneur

3 Ways to Overcome the Dragons of Fear and AnxietyChange Your Perspective On Fear Fear is only harmful if you think it is. Fear is a natural process that, if left unchecked, will cause us to live timid, restricted lives. Truthfully, in life, there is zero growth without risk. So instead of pushing back fear as an all-consuming, nerve-racking experience, see it as an adventure, a journey that will take you out of your comfort zone and into a whole new life, bringing a sense of joy and adventure. If you have ever conquered a fear, you know it can be exhilarating. So why not try to scare yourself just a little today? You might like the outcome.Adjust Your Perspective On Risk The honest taproot for many of our fears about trying something new is the possibility of failure. What if I get rejected? What if I lose? Well, you could. But you will never know until you try. If you don't take the risk, you are guaranteed to fail.Maybe it’s time for you to update your risk criteria. Act with Courage Teddy Roosevelt put it this way: “Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”[ii]  Read the articleFor more information on John's Counseling and Worklife Consulting go to: www.johnthurman.infoFor information about Resilient Solutions International, click hereCheck out John's Books: Get a Grip on Depression and The No-Fear Entrepreneur

With Valentine’s just around the corner I wanted to talk about one of the most important aspects of a relationship and that is that real lovers appreciate the differences between themselves and their partners. Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that the way to have a resilient relationship is to turn towards each other.Differences are part of what initially draws us to our partners. Have you ever noticed how a talkative, engaging extrovert could be attracted to a quiet, reflective introvert? How about someone cautious being drawn to someone filled with confidence?While this is the case in so many relationships, these differences often become distractions down the road. Those cute nuances can move from appealing to appalling. Those same differences that first attracted you to one another can cause conflict, misunderstanding, and even alienation as time passes.Here are some examples:Planners vs. Flexers:Planners are individuals who love organization and structure. If you were to look into their cupboard, things would be organized because everything has a place.Flexers, on the other hand, tend to be more malleable, able to adjust to the ebbs and flows of life quickly.Read more...

Does the name Steve Martin ring a bell? Performer, comedian, movie star, Saturday Night Live Alum, respected banjo player, father, husband, and author of autobiography Born Standing Up. (By the way, if you are looking for a great read, I highly recommend it.) Read the ArticleHere is a general idea of where the magic is.If a person believes there is a reasonable chance of making their dream happen and they have a sincere desire to make it happen, three things occur:1.         Their focus becomes very narrow.2.         Distractions begin to fade as the goal becomes more evident. (However, sometimes they start to pull away from some relationships for a season.)3.         They zero in on activities that lead to the changes they long for. As they make progress—honing their skill set or craft or muscle tone, whatever—they look for the next challenge that is “just manageable.” They find the next task that is difficult but doable on the way to their dream. Victory is not guaranteed, but it is possible as the individual does what they can from where they are to make it happen.John ThurmanCounseling, WorkLife Consulting.  www.johnthurman.info505 343-2011email: john@johnthurman.info

Why do New Year’s Resolutions fail? Mainly, because they are only a statement, or what we wish for in the coming year. There are usually no action plans, no deadlines, no backup plans. Sometimes they are unrealistic resolutions, with no other thought or plans besides the statement.3 Reasons they fail:First, we need to get our thinking right before we can experience enduring change.Second, we fail to have a structure—a pathway with some built-in accountability—to keep us focused and intentional.Third, we are fearful of making these changes because of how they might impact us.4 Barriers:Barrier #1 — The feeling that we are fundamentally flawed and either don’t deserve or don’t have it in us to make the changes we need to make. In other words, we are limited by our own thinking.Barrier # 2 — This one is a little odd, but I validated it in my book, The No-Fear Entrepreneur. It’s the fear of feeling disloyal. “If I make these changes and experience success, I might leave others behind, which would be wrong.”Barrier # 3 — A belief that positive life change and success bring a more immense burden.Barrier # 4 — The fear of outshining others or, as some of our mothers used to say, “Acting too big for your britches.”3 Questions or an outline of an After Action ReportQuestion # 1 – What did I do right in 2021? Think about this in the context of personal growth, business/professional development, relationships, and spiritual growth. NOTE: Make sure your positives outnumber your negatives!Question # 2 – What did I do wrong in 2021? Be brutally honest with yourself, but don’t get involved in self-flagellation or excessive self-criticism. Remember, do your best to ensure that your positives outweigh your negatives.Question # 3 – What can I do better in 2022? Be crystal clear here. The main reason most people fail to meet any of their New Year’s Resolutions is that they are too broad, too generalized, and have no measurable outcomes attached to them.Jon Acuff's suggestions:1. Ninety days from now I will have ______________________________________________.2. This sounds impossible, but I want to _____________________________________ this year.3. This is weird, but I want to _____________________________________ in 2022.Here is a link to the article and Jon Acuff's links to his book and YouTube.

Artwork by Holly Warren Muthard Joy Stealing Trap #1 - BitternessJoy Stealing Trap #4 - PerfectionismJoy Stealing Trap #4  - ShameJoy Stealing Trap #4  - AnxietyHere is a link to the article: How to Avoid the 4 Joy Stealers of the Holidays 

Here are nine benefits of actively expressing gratitude.Thankfulness will boost your immune system helping your body fight off infection.Gratitude significantly lowers your risk of causing or amplifying mental health issues.A thankful attitude strengthens you when you are under stress.A grateful heart develops your personal resilience and helps you flourish when others fail.Gratefulness strengthens social bonds.Extending grace to others makes you more likable.Living a life of gratitude helps you sleep better.Having an attitude of gratitude amplifies positive self-esteem.Gratitude elevates your spiritual insights.Next week, the week of Thanksgiving I will give you five-proven gratitude practices you can use to make this Thanksgiving extra special.Here is a link to the entire post

A more recent survey by the U.S. Census Bureau, taken from May 26 through June 7, 2021, revealed that nearly three out of ten adults in the U.S. (28.8%) reported anxiety or depressive disorder symptoms in the past seven days. However, the percentage is almost 60% for those with a disability.The survey shows that 20.6% of U.S. adults took prescription medication for mental health, and 9.5% received counseling or therapy in the last four weeks.But there is hope. Later in this piece, I will give you some tools to lower the toxic impact of the accumulated stress of these past twenty months.  First, there are two types of stress.Eustress is the positive stress response involving optimal levels of stimulation—a type of stress that results from challenging but surmountable and enjoyable or worthwhile tasks.[5] It has a beneficial effect by generating a sense of fulfillment or achievement and facilitating growth, development, mastery, and a high level of performance.Distress is the negative stress response, often involving negative affect and physiological reactivity—a type of stress resulting from being overwhelmed by demands, losses, and real or perceived threats.[6] It has a detrimental effect by generating physical and psychological maladaptation and posing serious health risks for individuals.The Two Ancient Practices to lower stress and anxiety are Mindfulness/meditation and relaxation breathing to review a peaceful mindset piece of Scripture. For this exercise, we will be using a verse from John 14:27 in the Amplified Bible,“Peace I leave with you; My [perfect] peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid. [Let My perfect peace calm you in every circumstance and give you courage and strength for every challenge]” (John 14:27 AMP).Here is a link to the blog Here is a link to my Free Mini-Seminar on November 10th from 9:00 - 9:30 am MT.