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This is the second in the How to be a Man of Faith in Today’s World series, where we will examine the second half of Dr. Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules of Life as well as some important scriptural concepts to remember as you and I seek to be the men God has called us to be.Summary:7.    Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient).8.    Tell the truth. Or at least don’t lie. 9.    Assume the person you are listening to knows something you don’t. 10.  Be precise in your speech. 11. Do not bother children when they are skateboarding. 12. Pet a cat when you encounter one in the street.Link to my blog
Laughter is a powerful tool that can have long-term positive effects on your health. It can improve your mood, relieve pain and infuse you with hope. Laughter has the power to enhance your autoimmune system and decrease the risk of heart disease. It can also reduce stress and anxiety, help with depression, lower blood pressure, and increase the production of endorphins which make you happy.Benefits of Laughter:It connects you with othersIt can smooth out differencesIt strengthens and promotes resilienceIt increases energy and helps your body relaxI can refresh your perspectiveIt increases productivityHere is a link to the articleHere are some links to some great laughs!Michael JrSmall FryTim HawkinsDr. Dennis SwanbergChonda PierceKen DavisAnita RenfroeContact John Thurman.  john@johnthurman.info or call 505-343-2011
In this episode, you will be able to identify your "Dad style" and learn how to be a better dad using Faith-Friendly Tools.Dad TypesThe Distant or Passive DadThe Angry, Abusive DadThe Inconsistent DadThe Dependent DadThe Overindulging DadThe Balanced and Engaged DadThe Eight Traits of a Growing Christian DadThey are learning how to love their wife and kidsThey are learning to lead their familiesThey are working on being better communicatorsThey provide for their familiesThey actively pursue wisdom and insight on becoming a better man and family leader. They provide age-appropriate correction and edification to their children They demonstrate grace by being ready to extend and receive forgiveness  They demonstrate love toward their wife.Here is the link to the article
According to the March 1-3, Harris Poll, the annual “Stress in America” survey found that more American adults rated inflation and the Russia-Ukraine situation as major stressors than any other issue in the poll’s entire 15-year history.American adults reported feeling emotionally overwhelmed and fatigued, with 87% agreeing it “feels like there has been a constant stream of crises without a break for the past two years.”What is the Antidote?Gratitude is the thankful appreciation of things received, whether tangible or intangible. It helps you and me connect with something outside ourselves, often transcendent and more extensive than we are. Being grateful for people and other blessings makes me more content and helps me rewire my brain to be more optimistic.Expressing gratitude is probably the most effective way to push fear, anxiety, and sadness out of your mind and replace it with good things.Here are four benefits of actively expressing gratitude.Here are the four benefits of actively expressing gratitudeThankfulness will boost your immune system, helping your body fight off infection.Gratitude significantly lowers your risk of causing or amplifying mental health issues.A thankful attitude strengthens you when you are under stress.Thankfulness develops resilience and helps you flourish when others fail.So, what are some gratefulness exercises you can begin today to build your resilience, improve your health, and lower your stress?Here are five ways you can use gratitude as a powerful stress buster.Read More
One of the keys to having a resilient, long-lasting marriage is to do what you can to make sure your wife feels good about your relationship.Do you know the 6 needs of a happy wife?1.             Women need love.2.             Women are emotional.3.             Women want security.4.             She doesn’t want you to fix it; she just wants you to listen.5.             “She doesn’t want much sex” does not mean “She must not want me.”6.             She wants to look attractive.Click here for the entire articleFeel free to contact me:  505=343-2011. email john@johnthurman.info
Americans are facing epic shifts in inflation and an unprecedented rise in gas prices!Researchers with the American Psychological Association report an 80% increase in stress and anxiety due to the current worldwide crisis with the Russian unfounded invasion of Ukraine.The Scriptures teach us to "cast all of our fear and anxiety on the Lord."  1 Peter 5:7In today's show, I reveal how to reframe FEAR and Anxiety by using a proven method that comes from my Cognitive Behavior Therapy training and finding ways to blend biblical principles with modern psychology. So much of our anxiety and fear can be managed and defeated by using existing, proven tools and biblical resources.One of my former teachers you to say that fear means Forget Everything And RunMy Mneumonic for FEAR, which is more of a resilience response isFaceEverythingAnd RiseHow will you face fear?Here is a link to the article.Do you have 14 minutes to learn a new skill? You can access my free training by simply texting the word Brain Tricks to 33777. You will be prompted to enter your email, once confirmed you will receive a link to the mini-class.Check my books:  Get a Grip on Depression  and The No Fear Entrepreneur
3 Ways to Overcome the Dragons of Fear and AnxietyChange Your Perspective On Fear Fear is only harmful if you think it is. Fear is a natural process that, if left unchecked, will cause us to live timid, restricted lives. Truthfully, in life, there is zero growth without risk. So instead of pushing back fear as an all-consuming, nerve-racking experience, see it as an adventure, a journey that will take you out of your comfort zone and into a whole new life, bringing a sense of joy and adventure. If you have ever conquered a fear, you know it can be exhilarating. So why not try to scare yourself just a little today? You might like the outcome.Adjust Your Perspective On Risk The honest taproot for many of our fears about trying something new is the possibility of failure. What if I get rejected? What if I lose? Well, you could. But you will never know until you try. If you don't take the risk, you are guaranteed to fail.Maybe it’s time for you to update your risk criteria. Act with Courage Teddy Roosevelt put it this way: “Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”[ii]  Read the articleFor more information on John's Counseling and Worklife Consulting go to: www.johnthurman.infoFor information about Resilient Solutions International, click hereCheck out John's Books: Get a Grip on Depression and The No-Fear Entrepreneur
With Valentine’s just around the corner I wanted to talk about one of the most important aspects of a relationship and that is that real lovers appreciate the differences between themselves and their partners. Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that the way to have a resilient relationship is to turn towards each other.Differences are part of what initially draws us to our partners. Have you ever noticed how a talkative, engaging extrovert could be attracted to a quiet, reflective introvert? How about someone cautious being drawn to someone filled with confidence?While this is the case in so many relationships, these differences often become distractions down the road. Those cute nuances can move from appealing to appalling. Those same differences that first attracted you to one another can cause conflict, misunderstanding, and even alienation as time passes.Here are some examples:Planners vs. Flexers:Planners are individuals who love organization and structure. If you were to look into their cupboard, things would be organized because everything has a place.Flexers, on the other hand, tend to be more malleable, able to adjust to the ebbs and flows of life quickly.Read more...
Does the name Steve Martin ring a bell? Performer, comedian, movie star, Saturday Night Live Alum, respected banjo player, father, husband, and author of autobiography Born Standing Up. (By the way, if you are looking for a great read, I highly recommend it.) Read the ArticleHere is a general idea of where the magic is.If a person believes there is a reasonable chance of making their dream happen and they have a sincere desire to make it happen, three things occur:1.         Their focus becomes very narrow.2.         Distractions begin to fade as the goal becomes more evident. (However, sometimes they start to pull away from some relationships for a season.)3.         They zero in on activities that lead to the changes they long for. As they make progress—honing their skill set or craft or muscle tone, whatever—they look for the next challenge that is “just manageable.” They find the next task that is difficult but doable on the way to their dream. Victory is not guaranteed, but it is possible as the individual does what they can from where they are to make it happen.John ThurmanCounseling, WorkLife Consulting.  www.johnthurman.info505 343-2011email: john@johnthurman.info
Why do New Year’s Resolutions fail? Mainly, because they are only a statement, or what we wish for in the coming year. There are usually no action plans, no deadlines, no backup plans. Sometimes they are unrealistic resolutions, with no other thought or plans besides the statement.3 Reasons they fail:First, we need to get our thinking right before we can experience enduring change.Second, we fail to have a structure—a pathway with some built-in accountability—to keep us focused and intentional.Third, we are fearful of making these changes because of how they might impact us.4 Barriers:Barrier #1 — The feeling that we are fundamentally flawed and either don’t deserve or don’t have it in us to make the changes we need to make. In other words, we are limited by our own thinking.Barrier # 2 — This one is a little odd, but I validated it in my book, The No-Fear Entrepreneur. It’s the fear of feeling disloyal. “If I make these changes and experience success, I might leave others behind, which would be wrong.”Barrier # 3 — A belief that positive life change and success bring a more immense burden.Barrier # 4 — The fear of outshining others or, as some of our mothers used to say, “Acting too big for your britches.”3 Questions or an outline of an After Action ReportQuestion # 1 – What did I do right in 2021? Think about this in the context of personal growth, business/professional development, relationships, and spiritual growth. NOTE: Make sure your positives outnumber your negatives!Question # 2 – What did I do wrong in 2021? Be brutally honest with yourself, but don’t get involved in self-flagellation or excessive self-criticism. Remember, do your best to ensure that your positives outweigh your negatives.Question # 3 – What can I do better in 2022? Be crystal clear here. The main reason most people fail to meet any of their New Year’s Resolutions is that they are too broad, too generalized, and have no measurable outcomes attached to them.Jon Acuff's suggestions:1. Ninety days from now I will have ______________________________________________.2. This sounds impossible, but I want to _____________________________________ this year.3. This is weird, but I want to _____________________________________ in 2022.Here is a link to the article and Jon Acuff's links to his book and YouTube.
Artwork by Holly Warren Muthard Joy Stealing Trap #1 - BitternessJoy Stealing Trap #4 - PerfectionismJoy Stealing Trap #4  - ShameJoy Stealing Trap #4  - AnxietyHere is a link to the article: How to Avoid the 4 Joy Stealers of the Holidays 
Here are nine benefits of actively expressing gratitude.Thankfulness will boost your immune system helping your body fight off infection.Gratitude significantly lowers your risk of causing or amplifying mental health issues.A thankful attitude strengthens you when you are under stress.A grateful heart develops your personal resilience and helps you flourish when others fail.Gratefulness strengthens social bonds.Extending grace to others makes you more likable.Living a life of gratitude helps you sleep better.Having an attitude of gratitude amplifies positive self-esteem.Gratitude elevates your spiritual insights.Next week, the week of Thanksgiving I will give you five-proven gratitude practices you can use to make this Thanksgiving extra special.Here is a link to the entire post
A more recent survey by the U.S. Census Bureau, taken from May 26 through June 7, 2021, revealed that nearly three out of ten adults in the U.S. (28.8%) reported anxiety or depressive disorder symptoms in the past seven days. However, the percentage is almost 60% for those with a disability.The survey shows that 20.6% of U.S. adults took prescription medication for mental health, and 9.5% received counseling or therapy in the last four weeks.But there is hope. Later in this piece, I will give you some tools to lower the toxic impact of the accumulated stress of these past twenty months.  First, there are two types of stress.Eustress is the positive stress response involving optimal levels of stimulation—a type of stress that results from challenging but surmountable and enjoyable or worthwhile tasks.[5] It has a beneficial effect by generating a sense of fulfillment or achievement and facilitating growth, development, mastery, and a high level of performance.Distress is the negative stress response, often involving negative affect and physiological reactivity—a type of stress resulting from being overwhelmed by demands, losses, and real or perceived threats.[6] It has a detrimental effect by generating physical and psychological maladaptation and posing serious health risks for individuals.The Two Ancient Practices to lower stress and anxiety are Mindfulness/meditation and relaxation breathing to review a peaceful mindset piece of Scripture. For this exercise, we will be using a verse from John 14:27 in the Amplified Bible,“Peace I leave with you; My [perfect] peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid. [Let My perfect peace calm you in every circumstance and give you courage and strength for every challenge]” (John 14:27 AMP).Here is a link to the blog Here is a link to my Free Mini-Seminar on November 10th from 9:00 - 9:30 am MT.
Humor and lightheartedness can dramatically improve both your mental and physical health, but did you know it can significantly enhance your marriage.Here are six things that humor can do for your relationship.1. Links you to others. 2. Helps smooth over differences.3. Develops resilience.4. Increases energy and relaxes at the same time.5. Renews perspective. 6. Increases creativity. Here is the link to Lighten Up! 6 Benefits of Humor in Your MarriageFor fun, here are a couple of links to other articles that used this as a part of their articles on relationships:6 Things a Partner May Do That Can Prove They are the Right One  This is an excellent article from Working Woman.16 Signs You Married the Right Person by John Rampton                      Be sure to check out Dr. Charles Lowery’s video Lover or Loser, Action Plan:I help couples enhance their communications and enrich their intimacy by sharing faith-friendly, resilience-based principles.To learn more, just check out www.johnthurman.info. Please take advantage of a free consult by emailing me john@johnthurman.info or calling me and leaving a message @ 505-343-2011. I will get back to you usually within 24 hours. From there, we can set up a time to talk either on the phone or via Facetime or Duo.Would you like a free copy of my ebook, 21 Ways to Improve Your Marriage? All you need to do is text the phrase 21ways to 33777.
What is intimacy? One definition of intimacy is an act or familiar expression serving as a token of congeniality, affection, and love. Another is a close or detailed knowledge of a person.One of the foundational principles of building and repairing a relationship is to understand the foundations of intimacy. It is not about technique, positions, or power but about getting to know someone deeply.Marital intimacy is about seeing into your mate's heart, soul, and mind and learning to connect with them on multiple levels.Listen to the word intimacy slowly spoken. Intimacy. “Into-me-see.” Since true intimacy is learning to experience, you must learn to lean into your partner.To experience this kind of intense relationship, you need to understand both sides of an intimate connection and grow to a new level of purpose and passion. These different levels of connection reflect the differences between a short-term view of relationship, where romance is the primary goal, and a long-term view of marriage, where learning to connect through the realities of daily life joins alongside romance to build intensity, regardless of the circumstances. You need both sides to make your relationship go the distance from short-term infatuation to creating long-term success in your marriage.When we miss that long-term view, when we limit intimacy to the purely physical, we lose some of its critical components.     Breakthrough research shows there are at least six different areas of intimacy.1.  Emotional Intimacy2.  Intellectual Intimacy3.  Recreational Intimacy4.  Social Intimacy5.  Spiritual Intimacy6.  Physical IntimacyTake a moment and grade yourself in each area, then ask your partner to do the same.I hope your life and relationship will be enriched by this podcast. For more information or to set up a free consultation email me john@johnthurman.infoTo read the 6 Layers of Intimacy article on my blog
Are you looking for ways to rapidly enrich your marriage? In this week's podcast, John Thurman shares secrets that he has discovered in over 49 years of marriage and over 55,000 hours in the people-helping business. #1  Demonstrate empathy#2   Catch your partner doing the right things#3   Express love in meaningful ways (check out the free love languages test)#4   Take a timeout when you need to.Check out this article on my blogIf you need some
Two simple Secrets for Success1. Being Intentional.Intentional means you are deliberate, calculated, intended, conscious, willful, or purposeful. No matter what you pursue in life it must be intentional and purposeful.2. Being diligent.Diligence is a learnable skill that combines creative persistence, a smart-working effort properly planned and rightly performed in a timely, efficient, ethical, and effective manner to attain a pure result and of the highest quality of excellence.Based on the book of Proverbs here are some benefits of being intentional and Diligent.You will gain an advantage other do not have. In anything, would you rather have a substantial advantage or a permanent handicap? King Solomon assures us that diligence will gain an insurmountable advantage over those who are not. He says, “The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage.” (Proverbs 21:5). Applying this to our fears means we can learn to turn our fears away from things that steal our energy into thoughts that can propel us forward. You will be in control of the situation (fear) rather than have the situation (fear) control you.You will experience true fulfillment. Your needs will be satisfied. You will experience ever-increasing success. Your efforts will be profitable.  If you want more be sure to get a copy of my book The No-Fear Entrepreneur which is available on Kindle, Audible, or paperback at Amazon.To read my blog: 2 Secrets Discovered in Ancient Text!
It is amazing how many allow the fear of success to keep them from going after their dreams, creating their next creative project, or taking that next step. In today's short cast I will give you three proven steps you can take to move through the fear of success.Here are three reasons people fear success. This is from the research I did for my book, The No-Fear Entrepreneur a few years ago.1. The fear of appearing to be unspiritual.2. The fear of standing out.3. The fear of change.To read the entire post click the link How to Restrain the Fear of SuccessIf you'd like more information or would like to set up a free consultation call me at 505-343-2011 or contact me through my website www.johnthurman.info
This week's podcast is an expansion of last week's introduction to 10 Ways to Defeat the Fear of FailureEmbrace your humanity by recognizing and accepting your emotions. The simple truth is that sometimes life sucks, and sometimes we fail. Please don’t take or make it personal. The following quote is a line from Rudyard Kipling’s poem If, “If you can meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same…”Don’t be overly concerned about what others think. Honestly, they don’t care.Maintain an internal focus of control. Our reactions to stress, tough times, change, and other adverse events depend on our inner resources. And while we do not have any control over these external circumstances, we are responsible for our response to them.Stay flexible. If you refuse to be flexible, you can become broken.Maintain a support system, and we all need a system or systems that provide:Emotional Support – empathy, love, and trustInstrumental – tangible aid and serviceInformational – advice, suggestions, and infoAppraisal – info that is useful for self-evaluationLaugh deeply and often. Humor, laughter, and joy have a powerful effect on health and well-being. It alleviates tension and stress, boosts the mood, raises creativity, and provides a prodigious, drug-free energy boost.Demonstrate “self-efficacy.” Self-efficacy is a person’s belief in their ability to succeed in a particular situation. Psychologist Albert Bandura described these beliefs as determinants of how people think, behave, and feel. Learn to develop your spiritual muscles. Let your faith grow.Interested in a free consultation? Call me 505-343-2011www.johnthurman.info
The top two traits of resilient people, Optimism, and the ability to experience post-traumatic growth.
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