DON JURAVIN Explains Love and Relationships

The intimate friendship between us is the reason why we are together. But it's very difficult, and the problem is that intimate friendships are also the thing that makes us unable to be together. Intimate friendship forever is the hardest thing to achieve, because it requires us to overcome many things we have become so accustomed to that it seems to us that they are our nature. And because we are so connected to these things, that's why there are so few couples among us who manage to live in intimate friendships forever. Create intimate friendships So what do we need to do to live in intimate friendships forever? In fact, only one thing: to change our scale of priorities, and to put intimate friendships ahead of many of the things we are so used to. Today we do not really have a scale of priorities, so everything we are used to jumps to first priority, even if it destroys our relationship in the meantime. And so, without a scale of priorities we repeatedly choose actions that serve only our low interests: to be right, to defend our way, to ignore our part in every situation. When we have a scale of priorities we always know what is most important to us, so our choices always serve our highest interests: to live together in peace, to bring joy to our relationship, to maintain our love. Don Juravin has some ideas on how we might prioritize: Intimate friendships before our comfort zone. That is, before the habits and customs we brought with us, in favor of new habits and customs that are better suited to life in twos. Intimate friendships before our immediate gratification. That is, before what is important to us now, for the sake of what is important to us forever. Intimate friendships before our need for personal space. That is, it is an understanding that we have a part of a closeness and a part of a distance, and giving priority to the balance between the two. Intimate friendship before personal lusts Intimate friendship before personal lusts for comfort and pleasure, that is, before our low passions for sex outside of relationships, extravagance, and ostentation, for the benefit of our high needs in love and stability and security. Intimate friendships before the need to be right. That is, first of all, respect for each other by an awareness that we are two and not one: we are always opinion and more opinion, desire and more desire, expectation and more expectation, and those are just as legitimate as these. Things can be summed up in the simplest way: Intimate friendship is the result of an inner transition from preferring our personal needs to preferring the intimate friendship between us. That is, it is always a change of inner preference between our two desires: a desire to connect with our spouse and a desire to satisfy our own lusts and habits and justice. Where is the struggle? So note: it is never a struggle between the two of us, but it is always a struggle within each of us, between the two inner forces that push us in opposite directions: getting closer and farther away, worrying about our own lusts or worrying about our friendships. And each of the thousands of big or small things we do every day tell us the truth about what we really prefer, and why we have or do not have intimate friendships together.

Many are looking for the answer to the question of how to be happy in a relationship. What is the secret of happy couples? What do you do to maintain your marital happiness? Often, you want your partner to do something important for you, but you have no one to talk to and it drives you crazy. You tried everything: to be miserable, to explain, to persuade, to threaten, but it's like talking to the wall. And now you are trapped in a strong desire for something you have no power to achieve, and your frustration is growing. While Don Juravin, fortunately, knows how to get consent from my partner for almost anything I want from him. Feel Smart, Right or Happy? Don Juravin feels happy in a relationship, and not because he’s smarter than you. He’s just like you, sometimes smart in person and sometimes stupid like a slice of bread. So why can Don Juravin get from his partner things that you can not get from your partner? It's solely because of luck that for years has brought into his life more and more couples who were unable to talk to each other without quarreling.  Couples really unhappy in their marital relationships, and they taught Don Juravin to notice the priority of those who manage to be happy, and the priority of those who get into fights and frustrations. Don Juravin advised many over the years but he learned more from them. They taught him the great secret of marital relationships: for those who are good together because it is most important for them to be happy , and for those who are bad together because it is most important for them to be right . Of course, the "happy" also want to be right, and of course the "right" also want to be happy. But there can be neither this nor that, and the choice we make between this scale and that scale will determine whether we will be two unfortunate righteous people, or two happy happy people.

What is the difference between just living ("off") and fully living life ("beauty")? The passion of life affects our moods at every moment, and our moods will always reflect our passion for life in that moment. Having a passion for life is what drives us toward anything we want to achieve. Without that passion, we ​can’t move forward. We all strive for a fun and purposeful life and that desire is what motivates most of us.  But the only thing that can truly motivate us is our passion and drive for a better future.  Our desire for a better life affects everything we do and determines whether we do things with desire and willingness, or with reluctance and bitterness. We can get up in the morning happily or nervously, we can fulfill our duties willingly or reluctantly, we can face our difficulties with determination or depression, and all according to  what we want out of our lives. Life Is Hard But Wonderful What is the difference between living in "off" and living in "beauty"? The passion of life affects our moods at every moment, and our moods will always reflect our passion for life in that moment. When our passion for life has diminished, we have more negative thoughts. We are more vulnerable, more angry, and more likely to see other people in a negative light. We don’t have the inner strength to feel joy, to strive, nor  overcome fatigue, lack of desire and lack of interest. And above all, we don’t have the power to do the things we have to do everyday. With a high passion for life we ​​are more willing to take action and change things ourselves, to kindly acknowledge our mistakes, and to forgive others for theirs. Fatigue, boredom and resentment are all signs of low life desire, while vigor and joy and the ability to quickly overcome negative emotions are all signs of high life desire.A low passion for life affects everyone who is with us and creates a heavy atmosphere around us. But how do you move from "off" to "beauty"? With two tools. Your first tool is to divert attention from the actions you do to their results: "what a beauty, create a good atmosphere", "what a beauty, strengthen the relationship", "what a beauty, learn to have conversations". This is how you give value and importance to the results of the things you do, instead of concentrating only on the actions themselves. Be Smarter, Not Right, Avoid Relationship Conflicts Are there dishes in the sink? We can say to ourselves, "I have no power for the dishes," or we can awaken in ourselves the importance of washing the dishes: "Well, I will have a tidy kitchen." Our partner wants an intimate evening with us and we are exhausted? We can say "I have no power for sex",  or we can say: "Beauty, there will be more love in our lives". The "off" people are focused on the deeds they need to do: washing dishes, preparing a presentation, giving up sleep or watching a TV series. So who really wants to move themself? While the "what a beauty" people are focused on the  rewards of the deeds they have to do like being in  a tidier home, in a warmer proximity, or in success at work. Your second tool is to change the things you say. And do not forget the following rule: The things we say not only reflect what we feel, they also create what we feel . People of "off" have the habit of saying "off" things about tasks and challenges, and every "off" person expresses their reluctance while reinforcing their reluctance. People of "beauty" have the habit  to say "beauty" about the improvement that their tasks bring them, and every "beauty" both expresses their good feelings and strengthens it. Life is more important than winning against others So when you decide to strengthen your passion for life, you focus on what you will achieve as a result of fulfilling your tasks, and you always say positive things about these tasks regardless of how you feel about them. Another "beauty" instead of an "off", and another, and another, and slowly you destroy the old ways and build a new way of living built upon a passion and desire for life.

When one thinks of the connection between chemistry and love, the automatic thought immediately arises that between loving people there should be chemistry. In the world of science, the definition of a connection is very simple - "a connection is created if the forces of gravity outweigh the forces of repulsion". This definition certainly also reflects the creation of connections between human beings. In the world of science, a connection is made between opposing charges, while identical charges repel each other. Can we conclude from the parallel that love can only exist between people who are opposites of each other? The answer to this is complex. On the one hand, we tend to fall in love with people who are culturally, externally, and intellectually similar to us. But on the other hand, we are more attracted to people with genetic diversity (especially of the immune system). The Bible On Being Together In the book of Genesis chapter 2, verse 18, it is written: "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone;” Unsurprisingly, "paired electrons." The state of an unpaired or single electron is considered an unstable "radical" state, and it usually seeks an electron for pairing. By the way, in the past they were called "free radicals". Indeed, singles have more freedom, which does not prevent them from losing it through pairing. What is special about love and electrons is that electrons can fill all space, going through a quantum tunnel. What is it if not love? In Ecclesiastes chapter 4, verses 9-10, it is said: "The two are better than the one, who have a good reward for their labor. This sentence exhausts the essence of chemical bonding. When a chemical bond is formed between two individual atoms, a state of a whole greater than the sum of its parts - a synergy - is formed. This phenomenon is not possible at any temperature (the energy of the environment). And if there are severe disagreements due to an unsupportive environment (one with high external energy), the relationship is doomed to fall apart. This sentence is intended for all in-laws for their generations. Love and Science Let us return to the comforting embrace and the molecular connection between chemistry and love. Albert Einstein once argued that an explanation of feelings of love in terms of chemistry, takes all the magic out of love. It should be noted that Albert Einstein was a wizard in Sheffer's sayings, but was not exactly a wizard in expressing feelings or love, as his tormented ex-wife Mileva Einstein would testify. The magic or its absence can be argued, but it cannot be argued that processes of attraction or obsessive passion involve neurochemical processes, which are molecularly based. In philosophical romantic terms, love is mysterious and shrouded in uncertainty. While from a biochemical point of view, neurological activity presents the most accurate perspectives for falling in love. In the process of falling in love, we actually become a private and legal chemical plant of intoxicating drugs (sometimes even lies), and our bodies produce, among other things, compounds such as serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, phenylethylamine, oxytocin and more. Each and every one of them plays an important and significant role in our tendency to fall in love, make contact and maintain it over time. These substances are used as neurotransmitters (mediators of nerve stimulation) and / or hormones that will determine whether or not there will be "chemistry" between humans. So love is an outgrowth of chemical reactions and electrical impulses. So without going into too much chemistry, I'll talk a little bit about chemistry: Dopamine plays an important role in emotional arousal, increasing and strengthening feelings of pleasure and enjoyment.Norepinephrine causes the feeling of obsession and allows us to wrap around our partner even with eyes wide open.Phenylethylamine is a stimulating and addictive organic compound that simply makes us addicted to love and motivated. By the way, this compound is present in chocolate and yellow cheese. That explains a lot of things.Serotonin makes us feel that the relationship brings us happiness and joy, so we must maintain and persevere in it, even fiercely.And oxytocin, of course, explicitly known as the love hormone, is secreted as a result of touch, caress or hug. When it is secreted it gives us feelings of comfort and security and reduces anxiety. In the effect of positive feedback, this hormone increases our need to caress and hug and instill confidence in our loved ones. So whoever claimed that only love brings love was right. Oxytocin makes us better, more generous, and more empathetic. Studies show that alcohol and oxytocin work on the same receptors in the brain, so it is not for nothing that wine releases inhibitions and strengthens love.  Oxytocin is secreted immediately after birth (especially in the process of sucking the breast during breastfeeding) and allows the initial bonding between the mother and the newborn. Oxytocin is linked to every type of love, not just sexual love, which is why we cannot be indifferent to the howling of cats as this howling frequency causes oxytocin secretion. All of these do not detract from the wondrous magic of connecting people, long-term commitment and love. I will end with a quote from one of my favorite psychoanalysts, Carl Gustav Jung: "The encounter of two people is like the contact of two chemicals: if there is a reaction, both change." This sentence sums up the uncompromising chemical connection between love and chemistry in the spiritual aspect and in the scientific aspect, since there is really no difference between them.