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VOICES with Amber B Skylar
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VOICES with Amber B Skylar

Author: Amber B Skylar

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Have you ever wanted to talk out loud about being sexually assaulted? Or has society taught you that you were not strong enough to handle it? What about other subjects like single parenting, gaslighting, or women and religion? I am the expert on my trauma and have spent 30 years in therapy for low self-esteem, low self-worth, depression, and anger – all while getting up over and over only to be beat down by the cultural norms. However, even after being raped, suicidal thoughts, sexual harassment, military sexual trauma, homelessness, and surviving against a tsunami of "you can't do it" mindset, I managed to write a book called "Colors of Amber, A Memoir" and won a scholarship to be a yoga teacher from the Kripalu School of Yoga. Writing and yoga shredded years of torment and shame as it cut into my neural sheath – pathways that reminded me that I was female and less than. I once heard a psychiatrist say that “depression is the silencing of the soul”. It hit me. If I ever wanted to feel free, happy, joyful, and to have healthy anger, that talking, writing, speaking, and bringing all the “dirty secrets” to light was the ticket. It would hurt either way. Podcasting is another tool - therapeutic and transforming - that in 2021 gives women a voice and people are listening. In my "VOICES with Amber B Skylar" podcast, I share content to inspire, uplift, and plunge a listener into her/his nature, so you can see it, grieve it, get help and thrive. My goal is to be the voice of those who cannot speak up. I purposefully aim to show what empowerment as a woman really can be – self-inquiry, self-assessment of one's actions, contributions, beliefs. I am committed to my craft will dedicate talent, skill, research, compassion, and relentless energy to uphold the voices of women and the men who love and support them – and to healing future generations of humans. -Amber B Skylar, Author, Colors of Amber, A Memoir (Amazon). Audible version coming in May 2021. Contact: admin@amberbskylar.com
24 Episodes
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Have you ever felt you were being manipulated but did not listen to yourself?  Have you ever felt like you were paranoid or crazy because you have a gut feeling, intuition, an inkling that something is off and you can't quite sort it out.  Years ago, it was very easy to force a woman to comply as a housewife and mother by threatening her, telling her she is crazy and then having full authority to put her in psychiatric care.  Gaslighting can happen at work, with families, friends, romantic partners, politicians, religious leaders and even parents trying to control and minimize experiences of children in order to maintain control over a situation.#amberbskylar, #voiceofamber #metoo #veterans #mindandbody #anxiety #depression #womanwithininternational 
Have you noticed that when women have supernatural experiences we mock them.  But a man named "Moses" for example can climb a mountain, have a supernatural experience and bam - he's an angel of God.  Women have strong intuition, premonitions, dejavu, dreams, unexplained experiences that are minimized by the social order of religion and the sciences.  What's the deal? #amberbskylar #voiceofamber #metoo #ptsd #anxiety #depression #voiceofwomen #mindbody
We really like to judge people when they cry. We stuff the emotion and it is stored on our body systems. No joke. In 2008 Rose -Lynn Fisher started a project to look at the molecular structure of tears and made a huge discovery. How long have we been shaming males for crying and judging women as "too emotional". Nonsense really. #amberbskylar #voiceofamber #women #anxiety #depression #ptsd #metoo
I have strong personality.  Being assertive and female has its own set of rules, even today.  Yes, its changing as more women get into leadership roles and  our environments still have engrained messages in our social landscape that attack our nature as females, whether we are strong and powerful, or quiet and accommodating. Confronting situations and tasks/goals/problems can be difficult but rewarding if your intention is to evolve and grow.#amberbskylar #voiceofamber #womanwithininternational #mankindproject #anxiety #depression #veterans #mentalhealth #mindbody
I have learned how easy it is to get distracted.  For women, I think its even easier because we are marketed (subliminally and overtly)to "have it all" and we deplete our resources by over committing, not using that road sign of "no".  Even relationships can be a distraction. Social messages have been engrained in every sort of media, encouraging us to shop, be a perfect mother that works, takes the kids to sporting events, go to PTA and be busy, busy, busy - leaving us feeling depleted.  When that happens, we have less energy to accomplish goals as related to career and education. #amberbskylar #voiceofamber #veteran #metoo #womanwithininternational #mankindproject #anxiety #takeabreath
Don't be a victim of accidental or irresponsible pregnancy.  As women we have choices now.  To raise is child is emotionally, financially and physically demanding.  If you have the money to bring a child into the world, and a support system, and you actually are ready to have a child - go for it.  But if you have not completed your education or created a career path that allows you to be independent - I say - wait - until you know you can care for and are ready to commit to raising a child.  Be responsible.  Be aware.  Be progressive and forward thinking - because we can today.  We can control our bodies.  #amberbskylar #voicesofwomen #women #veterans
Who taught you about having good boundaries especially when it comes to relationships?  Why are we as women, still seeking a man as a protector, provider, even helper with the home and children? What about getting involved with strangers from online dating and not thinking about safety, but just sex or comfort, hoping for love and relationship?  At my age, I can look back and see how my mother and my father, grandparents and the culture help set me up for failure.  Its 2021 women, let's be smarter about this and parents - you must teach your children about safety, predators and boundaries. #amberbskylar #voiceofamber #domesticabuse #anxiety #depression #metoo #veteran
I have learned or been exposed somehow to this notion that - No just means, "ok, let's turn around, let's go around, let's find a different path." However, "no means no" as it applies to rape, or "don't call me" are real boundaries.This episode refers to no as you did not get the job, or "no you are not invited," or "no we don't like you". I have had enough experience at rejection and sometimes just because I am female.  No, is a motivator to me. If we can get past our fears of making "no" - negative, we can learn to turn no into nothing more than a road sign guiding us toward something else.  No mystery here, nothing mystical, just an opportunity to collapse or rise.  I say rise.  #amberbskylar #voiceofamber #womensvoices #women 
I believe depression is a part of over-hoping that things will/may get better.  It's a passive expectation or desire for change.  This PODCAST highlights human and civil rights people who understand reality and that action is the path forward. Action will keep the flame of hope's possibility from fading.
I've been homeless. Sometimes when you think you can't fall any further, you can. Human kindness prevailed as predators and unwilling souls were guides into my despair and ultimate revival of my spirit. We often think it's just the human kindness that uplifts, but the negative people can be strong motivators to get up and fight, reclaim our innate ability for strength, and mend the wounds of the human spirit. I invite you to listen and trust me.  I've lived it.
People get depressed.  Really depressed.  Life.  Broken spirits, minds and weary bodies.  Thinking about suicide is quite common.  Most people just do not want to tell anyone or even talk about it.  I have experienced a suicide attempt, and many thoughts of suicide.  A therapist once said to me, "suicide is the minds way of knowing it can stop the pain".  It actually inspired me and has become a pivotal motivation for me to continue to drudge through and into the darkness of my life, the world around me, and to fully realize the power and potential of a human being.  Future generations -  governments and corporations belongs to you.  This country and all over the world, what will the newer generations do to combat the continued saga of good vs bad, light vs dark, poor vs rich, democrats vs republicans, Christian vs Muslim, etc.  Will generations to come be more inclusive, accepting, tolerant, and proactive toward human rights and dignities?   We the people have been taught that we do not have the strength to get involved in difficult change or to face inner turmoil/pain.  Religion teaches people that "God" never gives us more than we can handle".  It's a very sexy lie.  Politicians exploit the poor, the middle class for votes with promises of change - the exact same change from previous politicians.  Corporations get perks and benefits because of their wealth, power and connections - and we are all expected to respect and tolerate all of these institutions, injustices,  and "its just the way it is" platitudes.  People shape and impact change.  We can influence politicians through marching (non violent) , voting, volunteering to serve, writing stories, podcasting, shouting out through social media,  we can gather, unite and stand up for human dignities. The question is - will you? I believe when an individual hurts as deeply as wishing for death, that their own psyche is unsettled, calling out for change and action. Win or lose.  It hurts either way, you know.  Do nothing and suffer or get involved and do something with the beckoning of your soul and spirit.  Emotional pain is a guiding light in what seems insurmountable.  You are more powerful than you have been taught.  Live and find out.  #amberbskylar #colorsofamber #voiceofamber #voicesofwomen #suicide #depression #veteran
It's natural to feel depression, loneliness.   I have recently learned how damaging isolation can really be.  I have recently learned the root cause of my depression.  What is the difference?  How do you know when you need medicine or not. Some folks will need medicine because a genetic biological predispostion renders a need for medicine and it can work. But in general, I believe sincerely that depression is a call or an internal communication from  within that is calling for an individual to get involved somehow in something that is particularly meaningful to the individual.   It has nothing to do with marriage, or a great job or fitting in with the mainstream propagated message about the "pursuit of happiness".  Human connection, interaction (just enough not over doing it), human action - soothes the emotional presence beckoning each of us to our chosen/created/designed purpose.Stay connected to your friends. Call them, send a letter, do what you can to offer support. We can get through all of this life - and its enormous challenges - by allowing ourselves to listen, connect, support, and take action.  Who taught you that you were not strong enough to handle anything outside of Happiness? Who taught you that sadness, depression, lonliness were a sign of weakness?  It's bullshit, isn't it?  It's 2021 - you have more freedom now than ever in human history to chart your own course and that may mean rejecting ideas and beliefs from people and organizations that have shaped you all of your life.  It will hurt - either way.  #amberbskylar #voiceofamber #suicide #servicedogs #depression #ptsd #colorsofamber #metoo #womensvoicesreach out amberbskylar.com share your story with me.  
Its awkward to date in the first place, right?  Add in "hi, I have PTSD. Oh and here's my Service Dog, Arbor".  Service Dog aside, online dating has its perks, risks and a world of weirdos.   Be careful out there! #caninecompanions #amberbskylar #voiceofamber #servicedog #veteran
I'm not a medicine person.  I've tried all sorts of medicine for mental health pain.  I learned that medicine did not work  for me and it was a psychiatrist who helped me understand.  When you injure your knee, you may be prescribed a course of medicine for a period of time.  In mental health we subscribe medicine, which can help for period of time, as a crutch for the difficult moments.  Therapy helps the grueling landscape of self-inquiry and walks you straight through it, deep into it, and offers tools to help you face the fear, heal it, and climb back out. Either way, with meds or without, it is difficult, in my opinion, for a primary reason - we have been bullying humans for a long time for being vunerable, and we call the emotions we try to hide - negative. Im sick of that nonsense.  Yes, personal growth is challenging, but I am here to tell you that you can do it. Having a Service Dog for PTSD has made a huge impact on my recovery and transformation.  The battle my Service Dog, Arbor, helps me with is the battle in my head, my heart and in my body.  I'm succeeding, inch by inch, and remain determined to live - until that moment in which my time has come.  Shout out to #CanineCompanionsforIndependence and #Veterans Affairs for implementing this program.  This is how I ended up with a Service Dog.#amberbskylar #voiceofamber #servicedogs, #colorsofamber #depression #ptsd #veteran
I remember as a little girl going to church and praying so hard for help for my mother.  It never came.  Only more suppression and "sinner bullshit". Then as an adult when I tried to tell church members that my husband was emotionally and physically abusive, I was told to "Turn the other cheek"! Once in high school, I was put in front of the entire congregation trying to cleanse me of my sins, because I was a cheerleader.  I ran out of the church.  What about being punished as a female because of menstruation?  I do not believe in winged beings and old white men with long beards and wearing linen sitting "up there" over seeing all of this.  Religion has many cult like components to it, just like politics.  Both have become pervasive powers that dominate every culture world wide. I believe that churchs can more productive when they are inclusive and they take action when their male leaders molest, rape, and hurt women and children.  Catholic Church is just one of the publicized cases of abuse from clery.  Can you imagine?Churchs should be in the business of empowering its members to accept, tolerate and be out in the streets on Sunday's and doing instead of preaching.  God - if any energy at all exists like this - it is within you.  A living God.  #amberbskylar #voiceofamber #rape #religion #god #womensrights #ptsd 
How does rape affect a person and contribute to post trauma?  I think that even after your trauma, when you hear how prevelant rape is, in war, neighborhoods, college campuses, the military - it adds to the trauma.  Being a victim of a violent crime that seems to be "normalized in the culture" is unacceptable.  We must understand what people go through who have suffered an unexpected event that is traumatizing.  Talking out loud about rape has been taboo.  People accusing victims of "staying victims" or simply not understanding.  If we come together more, much more than we are currently and really begin to understand, then and only then can we help.  Then and only then can we really create a movement that stands up to this historical injustice that has plagued women, children and men. Men get raped.  It is under reported and has extra layers of social and personal shame.  But, the evidence is clear, the ratio between women and children getting raped and men - is 1 in 33 for men, 1 in 6 for women and children. #amberbskylar #voiceofamber #rape #PTSD #metooResource https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceDepartment of Justice
How many times have you had for example, chest pain? What about overall body aches, low energy, depressed, etc.  How many times have you heard "you look fine"? Or "It's your hormones".  When you have a emotional, cognitive challenge like PTSD, its easy for medical staff to minimize your experience and if they can't justify doing a deep look into your health complaint, you walk out of the office, thinking its all in your head.  "She's crazy.  There is nothing wrong with her".  I hear you.  I understand you.  I understand me.  I know that medical treatment is different for men than it is for women.  #amberbskylar #voiceofamber #women#veteran #PTSD #rape #sexualharrassment #sexualassault
Another victim "shaming" tool.  We refer to a person's life as baggage.  I prefer Gucci myself, (although) not affordable.  But what I carry in my "baggage" is gold.  Don't let someone refer to your life's experience as trash or baggage.  
In my experience, when  I am assertive, or say no, or simply speak up, Im a bitch.  Men's anger is more socially normal and acceptable.  We've also taught men to "stuff it" or to grab a bottle of beer to cope.  I choose being a bitch, if need be.  I will assert myself and set and manage good boundaries. 
Im ok with being called a bitch.  Today, its not an insult. Women are embracing the "bitch energy". I know my point has come across when somebody calls me a bitch.  In this episode I talk about my anger, and men's anger from my life, and I read from my book, Colors of Amber, A Memoir.  We shame men for crying, we cheer them on for anger, stoicism, being "manly" and there really is no where to go with anger.  It's seems very difficult for men to handle a woman's anger.  If she's strong, we call her a "bitch".   Listen and send me your comments, stories.#amberbskylar #voiceofamber #womensvoices #women #colorsofamberamberbskylar.com 
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