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The Rabbi & The Shrink

Author: Rabbi Yonason Goldson and Dr. Margarita Gurri, CSP

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What do you get when you cross an Orthodox hitchhiking rabbi and a Catholic Cuban psychologist? An unpredictable conversation about everyday ethics and the secrets for successful relationships in business, family, and community. http://therabbiandtheshrink.com/Contact us with questions and comments: Podcast@TheRabbiandTheShrink.com
29 Episodes
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#30  MIchael Patrick Mulroy -- a mission to promote virtue ethicsWhat are the core values that drive collaboration and success?How do we confront ideologies that rationalize violence and tribalism?What is the ultimate formula for promoting accountability?These and other foundational questions are addressed in this fascinating discussion when former U.S. marine, Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense for the Middle East, and retired CIA Paramilitary Operations Officer Michael Patrick Mulroy joins the Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-patrick-mulroy-31198b52/https://www.loboinstitute.org/Show notes2:00 Inspired to serve by 9/11Identifying the root causes of conflict4:30 Lack of economic opportunityThe crisis of child soldiers7:30 Toxic ideology makes it possible to rationalize evil and not easily defeatedChildren are compliant and easily indoctrinatedIncreasing tribalism pits us against each other10:30 The ethics of stoicismWisdom, courage, moderation, and justiceWhat’s good for your soul is worth more than anything elseStoicism as a guide to virtue ethics13:00 Be accountable to yourselfA legal system is only as effective as the people’s commitment to uphold the lawWe lack clarity of what our core values are19:00  The increasing legitimacy of vigilantismTeach ethics and virtue through models of self-sacrificeThe true benefits of diversity23:00 Understanding human nature prepares us for an ethical lifeManaging the conflict between opposing elements of our natureHow do we conquer our inclination to do evil?When we struggle against evil, we become stronger in our commitment to be goodLife is made up of tiny moments that add up30:00 Where do we start?Stoicism means to take life as it comesStudy the story of ZenoRead Meditations by Marcus AreliusThe Jewish leader Rabbi Judah and Marcus Arelius37:00 Establish stoicism as a guiding philosophy in the militarySupport grassroots movements to confront child soldiersDemand accountability from elected officials41:30  The word of the day: PanglossianSuperficial, Pollyanna view of the worldHowever, if we accept that reality is what it is, then we can focus on changing ourselves, which is the most effective way to change the world45:00 We can be one step away from amazing
#29 Cristina DiGiacomo -- how practical philosophy prevents persistent problemsDo you often wonder why people aren’t listening to you?Can philosophy provide practical solutions to modern problems?Why are we challenged to bring together abstract concepts with down-to-earth issues?These and other persistent questions are answered when practical philosopher and moral alchemist Cristina DiGiacomo joins the Rabbi and the Shrinkhttp://www.moralchemy.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/cristinadigiacomo/1:00  How can philosophy provide practical solutions to modern problems?Why are we challenged to bring together abstract concepts with down-to-earth issues?We are philosophers if we pursue authentic wisdoms7:30 The handshake and the golden rule are examples of accessible philosophyPhilosophy is the love of wisdom and the way we look at lifeAsking questions makes us philosophersPhilosophy is a matter of outlook and perspectiveOur attitudes shape our perceptions12:00  What are the benefits of asking questions?You stop multitaskingTriggers serotoninQuestions lead to intentions which lead to outcomesIf we aren’t open to new insights, we can’t be ethical17:00  When we know that we don’t know, we open ourselves up to possibilitiesToo many people don’t recognize the relevance of ethics in their lives19:30  When we face problems, ask where did we go wrong?It’s easier to blame individuals that to question the systemThe benefit of 12-step recovery programsMistakes help us become stronger and do better24:30  Why aren’t people listening to me?Are we connecting perception with reality?What do the classical philosophers say to address our problems?28:00  Asking questions preempts conflict and promotes self-reflectionOpenness drives progressThe danger and opportunity of “yeah, but.”32:00  The word of the day:  epistemologyHow we know what we knowIf arrive at the correct facts through faulty reasoning we may be setting ourselves up for future errorsWe may need data now, but reason prepares us for the future36:00 “The sage acts without pressure from within or without.”The Hebrew word aliza can mean to relieve pressure or to apply pressureDifferent situations call for different strategies to move us forwardWhat is one question you can ask yourself about your philosophy?When we live from fear rather than from curiosity, we are setting ourselves up for failure.
What is the difference between ethics and morals?How can we build an ethical society when we don't agree on moral principles?How can we trust our own opinions when we can't trust our sources of information?These and many other profound and urgent questions are addressed when the rabbi, Yonason Goldson, changes chairs from host to guest on the Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.yonasongoldson.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/yonason-goldson/https://www.yonasongoldson.com/ethics-ted-talk1:30 Are compassion and intellect split, or can they be reconciled?The difference between compassion and kindness4:00 Is giving an impulse or a choice?We unlearn our natural wiring to be kind and compassionate6:30 What are ethics? Are they different from morals?Where does wisdom come from?How do we build an ethical society when we don’t agree on moral axioms?11:00 Why are universal ethical principles so elusive?Why did Albert Einstein regret publicizing the theory of relativity?What’s the difference between facts, truth, and reality?17:00 How do we apply ethics to COVID vaccinations?We can arrive at different conclusions through intellectual integrity.Is unethical behavior a kind of virus?23:00 Can oversensitivity cause us to become increasingly oversensitive?26:00 How do our beliefs and proclivities influence our perception of truth?How do we make allowances for our own unconscious biases?How my willingness to challenge my own stereotypes changed the course of my life.30:00 Why constructive disagreement is the way of wisdom and unanimity is dangerous?32:00 Why is the best lie closest to the truth?How do we have confidence in our own opinions when we can’t trust our sources of information?When we try to score points by compromising truth, we end up harming our own cause?38:00 How does ego promote confirmation bias?Why do people complain about being disillusioned?Embrace the tension between urgency and equanimityGreed, speed, laziness, and haziness are the source of most of our problems.42:00 The word of the day: anucleate: lacking a cell nucleusWe need a sense of self and center, but just as ego leads us into much folly, humility allows us to be flexible to adapt, like red blood cells fitting into capillaries because they lack a nucleus46:00 Sometimes we just need to be a good member of the audience.We get so caught up in ourselves that we forget to do the obvious.
What's the single most effective way to avoid ethical pitfalls?Why are so many people afraid to talk about ethics?Has the world gotten less ethical?These and other critical questions for success are answered when ethics auditor Amanda "Jo" Erven joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/amanda-jo-erven-ace/http://www.auditconsultingeducation.com/http://www.totalqualityauditing.com/http://www.cpebookclub.com/#27 Amanda “Jo” Erven1:30 Changing one person’s mind contributes to a better worldIt’s hard to sell ethics because people don’t have a definition and are scared by the wordHave an ethics icebreaker Ethics may not be simple, but don't  have to be complicated6:00 Three ethical character typesThe Big MeThe Ethical RationalizerThe Everyday EthicistPeople who call themselves ethicists tend to be less ethical10:00 Unethical behavior encourages others to behave unethicallyCreate your own ethical value statement or mantraWe can’t change our circumstances except by changing ourselves14:30  Be ethically pro-active which is pro-selfToo many people don’t know their own values16:00 Where do we start to put ethics into action?We don’t have to be expertsSometimes we’re scared to do what’s right18:00 Individual, leadership, and organizational ethicsThe seven deadly ethical sins“Move fast and break things” mentalityDisingenuous leaders -- always speak the truth, even if your voice shakes20:30 Have things really gotten worse?We are definitely more self-absorbed todayWe don’t feel shame, but we rush to shame othersThe contradiction of AirBNB24:15 Beware of conflicts of your own interestEthics is threatened by fear and entitlementThe ethics of COVIDDan Ariely’s research: thinking of the 10 commandments makes us more honest28:30 Find your trusted advisorFacing and embrace your adversityTeaching surly students in Budapest, HungaryWhen we have to defend our behavior, we think more about our choices33:00 Doing the right thing feels really goodEthical discipline protects others and ourselves38:00 The word of the day:  miscreate -- to produce in a way that is defectiveGood intentions without disciplined execution can have disastrous results40:00 Everyone deserves a better-than-good life
How do we do a better job handling it when we get flustered and defensive?How do we give and receive criticism in a way the builds trust and encourages improvement?What is the alternative to flight or fight that promotes cooperation and collaboration?These and other critical question for success in business and in life are answered when customer service maven Marilyn Suttle joins the Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/marilynsuttle/https://marilynsuttle.com/0:50 Wellbeing and security are critical to a healthy work environment for workers and customersEthics creates a culture of trust, solid relationships, and loyaltyRaising trust increases expectations, which is a good thingDevelop the skill set to deal with difficult and unexpected situationsDifferent values and styles need to be accommodated6:00 Learned behavior is not easily unlearnedHow do we handle it better when we get flustered and defensive?We’re 100% responsible for 50% of every relationshipWe make assumptions about the facts, which may or may not be trueWe make up stories that create feelings by exploiting our unmet expectationsWhat outcome do we really want?Clear communication often defuses conflict before it happens.13:00 When we get into fight or flight, our biology hijacks our thinking and decision makingThe other option is a challenge response, which can focus and motivate usBeing honest make us vulnerable, which is frightening but creates the potential for closeness17:30 It’s all in the palm of your hand:First impressions -- eliminate the potential for annoyanceLast impressionManage high emotion momentsMarry yourself to your team and your customersMeasure and gauge -- feedback21:15 Value their time and ask only for meaningful feedback and use itHow do you respond to criticismRedirect attention toward the good to promote reframingTake responsibility and show appreciation27:00 Empower employees to address customer issuesHave someone to call to help you regain clarity31:00 Different perspectives generate an ethical view32:00 The word of the day:  pithyWe don’t want to reduce all ideas to soundbites, but we do want to be concise so our ideas have impact34:00 Happiness is a profound concept that come from being part of something important36:00 Tailor your customer care according to the needs of each customer37:00 Blaming, complaining, and making excuses are responses that will not lead to improvementThe difference between responding and reactingGet comfortable with silence or pausingCounting to 10 reboots your brainResist the pressure to fill empty space without thinking firstThe benefit of one, two, and three second pausesThe pauses are the most essential part of the classIt takes stress to alleviate stress46:00 The core of ethics is growingIf we aren’t experiencing growing pains, we aren’t really living.
How does sustainability apply to us as individuals as well as the world?How do we find it in ourselves to forgive ourselves and forgive others?How do quirks and idiosyncrasies forge us into more compete and healthy people?These and many other secrets for self-development are answered when the Ikigai Guy David E. Marlow joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidemarlow/https://www.linkedin.com/company/vluru/1:00 What is Ikigai = Japanese for life + purposeLiving out the essence of you in everything you do3:30 What is a leader?  Someone who enables and empower others to fulfill their potential in a way that betters the worldHappiness emerges from a sense of working toward the fulfillment of purpose5:00  How do you find your ikigaiReflect on moments when you felt fulfilledVisit your values, verbs, and verses7:00 The five pillars include:Choose to be grateful; we control our attitudesMaking a conscious choice to live in the momentForgive the past and yourself10:00 Monotask: start somewhere small and work outwardMultitasking doesn’t workEmbrace the gift of small beginningsBeing busy as an excuse for not being productive18:00 How do we forgive people who cause us pain and don’t ask for forgiveness?First forgive yourselfForgive without recovering trustThe harm we do ourselves by not forgiving23:00 Without human integrity we disintegrateHarmony and sustainability in how we live completes us so we can live healthy livesBy integrating our values into our mindset and behavior we become people of integrity26:00 What are the five pillars?Being present in the momentStarting smallJoy of little things (gratitude)Harmony and sustainabilityReleasing yourself through forgiveness and reflectionWe strive to uncover our essence30:00 Shalom = harmony = all the pieces are in place and fuse into integrationThe seven levels of spiritual maturity and completionThe conductor is the most important player in the orchestra34:00  Blend your idiosyncrasies with your talents to become your best unique selfYou don’t have to change yourself; you have to uncover who you truly are38:00 Word of the Day: diapasonOriginally, the organ stop that releases steam to produce soundNow a burst of force that produces music Our ideal is to release our inner music40:00 When we seek treasure, what will we do if we find it?43:00 Post-interview conversation
How does pleasure distract us from our own unhappiness?How is social media designed to control our minds and behaviors?What is the formula for good digital health and well-being?Learn the answers to these and many other essential question when digital wellbeing expert Giancarlo Pitocco joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/gcpofnyc/purposeful.co1:00 We need to reclaim control of our lives from technologyShift your attention from being hijacked by our devicesFB has been exploited and misused by unethical players to manipulate and serve their own agendasDo you know how much time you’re spending in front of a screen?4:30 We don’t know what happiness is.Pleasure often distracts us from our own unhappiness.If you’re not dependent on external factors for happiness, you’re in control of your life and live more fully7:00  Is it good to be easily amused?Being delighted by simple pleasures makes the experience of living richer.Social media is designed to keep us consuming, almost but never quite satisfied.11:00 Are you making your future self proud by what you’re doing now?What happens when our lives become all about comfort, convenience, and stimulation?The purpose of the game is to play the game; the purpose is the processWe’re living in the Roman Empire14:00 What are you doing with your life if you don’t have aspirations and values?Pushing the boundaries of comfort and familiarity keeps us growing and truly alive“The obstacle is the way”We can be navigators of our lives, or we can be carried on the current.Prioritization give us control19:00 The five stages of digital well being1. Attention -- you want to be the DJ of your life by placing the needle where it should be2. Values -- Evaluate how new technology affects your relationships, your work, and your attitudeswe can’t eliminate technology from our lives, but we can choose how to allow it in.Google “dark patterns” to learn the dangersSocial media is designed to make you addicted; they are selling your time and attention, turning you from a consumer into a commodity.“The Attention Merchants” by Tim Wu35:003. Boundaries -- without priorities, you never get to the important stuffDon’t plug in your phone next to your bedBuy an alarm clock37:304. High quality leisure timeUnwind doing something projective and creativeSpend time with people39:005. Solitude -- learn to be with yourselfThe fundamental value of self-discipline.Easy and fun entertainment seduces us from doing what we know is in our best interest.No one changes behavior without incentive.  That’s why a clear WHY is critical to our digital health.44:45 The word of the day: dissilient -- bursting open or springing apart (Yiddish: plotz)We should be living with so much enthusiasm welling up inside us that we don’t seek or respond to external distraction. 47:00 Education can be merely a form of entertainment if it doesn’t lead to action.Go into your phone and look at screen time or digital wellbeing and see how much time you’re spending on your device.49:00  How would your life and relationships be healthier if you spent less time on technology?What will you do or have you done to make a positive change in your life?
#23 Rosemary Ravinal – show up as the real youIs there a difference between filtering and misrepresenting?Is it dishonest to use a virtual background?What message do I send if I show up on Zoom in my pajamas?These and other urgently relevant questions will be answered when Zoom mastery expert Rosemary Ravinal joins The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/rosemaryravinal/https://rosemaryravinal.com/01:21Authenticity can make or break our careers, our reputations, and you know how difficult it is to fix them once they are broken. So the stakes are very high.02:09When COVID began, we felt it was temporary and didn’t make much effort:kids running around … somebody's lawn mowing the lawn… I'm in my sweats… I haven't even combed my hair.A year later, we're still doing it, and now we’re going into in person meetings again. 03:41It's like creating a set. But the authenticity part is that that you create, that really reflects who you are, as a person with like your company's values06:51Am I being somewhat hypocritical if I set standards or I espouse standards that I'm not, I haven't reached yet? Or if I filter elements of myself, because I don't feel that they're attractive? Is that inauthentic? 07:42How would you show up to a physical meeting? Would you show up with running shorts? You would be respectful to the people with whom you're meeting by being appropriate to the occasion. 11:04It's so easy to lie when you don't look at the person in the eye. An example would be, you know, I hear from friends who are using online dating apps. And I might hear from a gentleman who would say, you know, women just don't put their real photos on there. Not only do they lie about their ages, but they don't use current photos.14:15If you're going to show up in a video meeting, you need to have your camera on and have an executive presence on virtual calls. Otherwise, it shows a lack of respect for the other people that you're not showing up as you really are.18:27Anything we can do to make ourselves more committed to reaching a higher ideal, I think is really the essence of authenticity.22:34You want to have a sense of personality, warmth. So for example, I encourage people to have some hints and cues about their passion. If you're a baseball fan, if you love to play guitar; you might have some movie posters behind you.25:46It goes to trust, right? Because if you are consistent, every time it builds trust.32:34I'm talking about the authenticity of the that we present. I think that there's a challenge we have today we see it in the media, we see it really all over the place. The relationship between the message and the messenger. 35:35Check your facts, research, because we often say things that someone said, so let's say the rabbi and I make up a false fact. And then you repeat it, and then they repeat it. And pretty soon, we take it as truth.36:17Respecting people is not that doesn't mean that we have to agree with everybody. We can be forceful at times, in expressing our thoughts and our points of view, and still have it done with civility with respect and with an openness to hear the other side. 37:10The word of the day is stultify, which means to cause a loss of enthusiasm, often, through ridicule, or causing embarrassment.Studies have shown that people believe that sarcastic people are more intelligent, really, and that's a really troublesome fact to me, because it encourages us to be sarcastic. I'm using a rhetorical device to discredit the speaker to discredit the idea without actually engaging. 40:06I urge everyone to think about how are you presenting yourself in the images, the sounds, the words, the facts.  
What does leadership really look like? How do you decide what to share, with your team and with the outside world?And when you're a leader, how do you balance the ever-changing demands that get put on you?Kimi Hirotsu Ziemski helps us sort of how to be a real leader and not just the person in charge! https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimihirotsuziemski/http://ksppartnership.com/http://www.pmidsig.org/https://consciousleadershippm.com/1:05Boundary management is a communications management term. And what it means is there are some things that you share with your team, and only your team. And there are some things that you share with the greater stakeholder community. The question becomes, if you are not fully transparent if you are making choices about what you share, and when you share it, is boundary management, actually ethical or is it by some people's lights, fibbing, lying, committing the falsehood? 7:00The seven key success parameters are actually a framework that is sort of like the most beautiful Mandela of things that are interwoven. But for explanation purposes, we generally take them apart. But they always start out with clear definition.22:00We've been trying to get this client for years, decades. We got the request for proposal. I went through it, I took it to my engineers, my engineers got incredible heartburn. And I went to my boss, and I said, Diana, how much trouble Am I going to be in if I go to this client and respectfully declined to bid on the business? It's not bleeding edge, it's hemorrhaging edge. And they don't believe that they can make it work to a level of reliability and quality, that they're willing to put their names and our company name on. 
What makes a successful relationship?Is marriage really the happily ever after part or do they still require work?What is reasonable to expect versus what do you need to accept? Find the answers to these questions and more as we talk to Claire Vande Polder, the author of Making Marriage Happy:  Hard-Won Wisdom from Real CouplesGrab your copy here:Making Marriage Happy:  Hard-Won Wisdom from Real CouplesConnect with Claire onLinkedinInstagram2:45What I came up with is a book that is basically, what happy couples do as told in their own words.  It's the only book, I know of where all the expert advice comes from people who are only experts in their own relationship and what they do that makes them happy.7:00 When I was a younger person I looked at people who had been married for a while and I thought, okay they're just they're like on autopilot right?29:00it took a lot of time before they understood that's not who my husband is, this thing that I really wish my wife was doing? That's really not who she is so, can I just lay off of that and let her be more who she is, and then take more of a look at what am I doing? How could I change myself?  Could I change the way that I think about something because I have more control over that and just learn to love?
Does thought influence language of does language influence thought?Is it worth the risk to offer constructive criticism?Can you set high standards and remain respectful when others fall short?Discover the answer to these and other highly relevant questions as Grammar Goddess Susan Rooks joins The Rabbi and the Shrinkhttps://grammargoddess.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/susanrooks-the-grammar-goddess/https://twitter.com/Grammar_Goddess2:00  The importance of preserving the integrity of languageWe are what we say and what we thinkLanguage is only as perfect as how we use itObjective vs. subjective perception8:00 Words are free, but it’s how you use them that costsWe get defensive when we don’t like what we hear“You can do [even] better”11:00  It’s risky to offer correction or disagreeStart with a smileYou can have high standards and still be pleasantSmile at strangers16:30  What’s the effect of grammar mistakes?The power of positive speakingTechnology can bring us closer togetherAccept people for where they are coming fromLook for the nobility in others25:00  We’ve become more abruptWe have a responsibility to choose our words carefully30:00 Be curiousWhen you hear an accent, adjust expectations“You’ll see the robot in the street”33:00 Onomatopoeia -- a word that sounds like what it isIn Hebrew the same word means “word” and “thing”Respecting the meaning of words is respecting reality36:00 How do we further meaningful discussions that increase understandingListen to learn, not to respondEverybody knows something you don’tThe sages teach:   Who is wise? One who learns from every person39:00 How do you keep words freshStrike a balance between tradition and progressionWhy can’t our language be poetic and elegant while preserving the integrity of words?43:30  Should some of us impose usage on others?Orwell’s vision of thought control through speech controlChoose to speak respectfully
Is it iconoclastic or wicked to question the value of diversity?Why do we struggle to value innate talents over superficial appearance or identity?Have well-intentioned but misguided policies contributed to contemporary problems?These and other compelling questions will be addressed in rough and tumble conversation when Rabbi Daniel Lapin joins the Rabbi and the Shrink.https://www.linkedin.com/in/rabbi-daniel-lapin/https://rabbidaniellapin.com/2:00  The synergy between theology and psychologyIs diversity a moral imperative?Is it iconoclastic or wicked to question the value of diversity?Diversity of opinion and outlook is critical and more significant than mere identityDoes a cohesive community gain or suffer from diverse values?10:00 Should we rather address systemic otherism?How do we deal with the tension between finding common values and encouraging different perspectives?Why do we struggle to value innate talents over superficial appearance or identity?17:00 Diversity in testimony in court to protect against unconscious biasIn team activity, brothers’ innate knowledge of one another is an advantageThe way others label us provides us with insights about the “other”23:00  How do we celebrate diversity independent of skin colorIs cultural appropriation an expression of tribalism?The culture of languageSome things are not fair… that’s the way of the worldKindness is the antidote to resentmentWe have to accept the unpleasant realities of the past and try to move forwardHave well-intentioned but misguided policies contributed to contemporary problems?Traditional values help us move forward in prosperity and well-being34:00  Nelson Mandela taught reconciliation rather than retributionDon’t fixate on fairness; make the most of what you haveJonathan Haidt: emphasizing differences increases divisionsA the blood level, we are all the same38:00  Change the world by changing yourselfPrivate enterprise provides the greatest opportunity to benefit society“You are your own worst enemy.”  Face that and build yourself up.Better the world by becoming one of the poor?All we have control over is ourselves.It’s so much easier to try to fix other people48:  Word of the day: Irrefragable -- not able to be refuted or disproved; indisputableUnanimity is a clue that we’ve missed something importantShalom translates best as “harmony” -- different pieces playing different parts fused together Diversity in the context of unityThe sons of Jacob were very different, and their differences became a source of strength
Does lying ever serve a higher truth?Why is it better to be a journeyist than a journalist?Is marketing ever more than manipulation?Learn the answer to these and other fascinating topics as the Rabbi and the Shrink discuss the interplay between fact and fiction with business presentation coach and storysailor Dave Bricker.https://storysailing.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidbricker/1:30  Do the stories we tell have to be 100% true?Our job as storytellers is to transport the audienceBe a journeyist, not a journalist: Your story is a metaphor to inspire and teachThe story vs. the meta-story“Disbelieve everything I say; I am telling the truth.”How much creative license are we allowed?Life doesn’t unfold in a neat orderBlend details for narrative effectMiracle -- a true story that embellishes facts9:00 When is the truth not good enough?Drama vs. documentaryDon’t we all have different versions of the truth, anyway?You can end up being accurate but not interesting14:00 At what point am I fabricating?Should we be teaching children about Santa Claus?The unpleasant history of our most enduring children’s story19:00 The Hebrew words for truth and falsehood contain deeper meanings“Distance yourself from a false word or thing”When is it truthful to lie?There’s more to truth than facts…But now we can rationalize anythingHow Aaron the High Priest brought people closer together22:30  What’s the difference between a salesperson and a con artist?One delivers on his or her promisesThe difference between fooling people and delighting themThe psychology of marketing: service or manipulation?Don’t I have a duty to convince others of the value I can provide them?Does it matter what you bait the hook with?28:00 Political and religious evangelismPushing vs. pulling in salesIf we don’t believe in ourselves or in those we serve, we resort to unethical tactics33:00 Sometimes intention makes all the difference, sometimes no differenceThat’s the grayness of ethics with which we have to grappleFictionalizing the truth?Narrative vs. parableStories carry truth better than facts39:00 Word of the day:  Streeteries -- restaurants that move their establishment onto the street because of COVIDWords evolve as culture evolvesIt’s important to preserve the integrity of language and thought while adapting to a changing worldEthical principles don’t change but situations do, so we’re called on us to navigate the complexities of life by following our moral compass42:00  Is it possible to stay neutral when telling a story?Always take a position of service and promote transformation43:30  James Thurbur’s retelling of Little Red Riding HoodClassic stories evolve into classic spinoffsThe lessons keep giving
Episode #17:  Mark Brown -- everyone deserves a second chanceWhy do we fear what we don’t understand?Is freedom a goal or an obligation?What practical steps can we take to create a culture of civility and mutual respect?These and other substantive questions are answered when World Champion of Speaking Mark Brown, CSP, joins the Rabbi and the Shrink.https://markbrownspeaks.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/mark-l-brown-speaker/1:00  How Mark became a World Champion of SpeakingDisney and “a second chance”Intolerance, indifference, and ignorance -- how we treat each otherDon’t be tied to what others think of youWhy do we fear what we don’t understand?8:00 The unknown makes us feel vulnerable so we try to assert controlThe responsibility of creators to project values and messagesOur responsibility as consumers of media to seek out positive messagesWhy don’t we get it?How do we get to a place where we want to understand?Have the courage to be yourselfBe fast, funny, and curious15:00  Who takes the first step to find common ground?The first step is often unseenAsking questions is more important than coming up with answers17:00 Why the most joyous season in the Jewish calendar became a time of morningThe destructive consequences of disrespectCulture goes from the top down and is magnifiedFreedom is not the goal but an opportunity, a privilege, and an obligation21:00 We are responsible for preserving the standards of our cultureTolerance means we can get alongOur differences don’t define usTake responsibility for what you do and don’t do, what you say and don’t sayThe home and society are intertwinedThe lessons of Rehoboam son of Solomon Surround yourself with wise counsel30:00 “The building of youth is destruction; the destruction of old age is building.”Why we stand up for a parent, a scholar, and the elderlyWe have to reinforce in ourselves fundamental valuesDon’t devalue the old because we are enamored with the new34:00 How can we do better as individuals and a society?Focus on and magnify the positive and you will automatically diminish the negativeSeek advocates in positions of authorityCreate an environment in school that replicates our vision of a better societyWe are all teachers of those who observe us48:00 Use your voice to speak boldly and respectfullyYou can say the same thing encouragingly or dismissivelyHow will our words be received?Timing can be everythingTry to see the world through the eyes of othersDon’t be a bully or a victim54:00 What is our action plan?1) Work on ourselves2) Learn through observation3) Develop our voiceThe words you choose can ignite or defuse violenceExercise restraint for yourself; come to the defense of others61:00  The word of the day:  phenomenologyMartin Heidigger -- Reality and consciousness are co-creatorsUnderstanding depends on the relationship between themMy responses to what happens to me determine who I become
Who are your limiters and your liberators?How does leadership “bubble up”?What are the four steps of success?What do Navy SEALS and Holocaust survivors have in common?Why is hope essential to being ethical?She grew up on two continents and went to eight different schools before putting herself through college waiting tables. Starting her career as an assistant at Embassy Communications, a television company founded by the legendary Norman Lear, Libby survived three mergers to become head of publicity, advertising, and promotion for Sony’s worldwide television group in just five years.After her first career heading communications at media giants Sony, Universal, and Turner Broadcasting, Libby founded LA-based Libby Gill & Company, a leadership consulting and executive coaching firm. She guides individuals and organizations to lead through change, challenge, and chaos by deeply engaging employees in a shared future-focused vision of success.https://libbygill.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/libbygillleadershipexpert/https://www.facebook.com/libby.gill.58https://www.amazon.com/Leadership-Reckoning-Education-Develop-Leaders/dp/1952938368/ref=sr_1_1?crid=6KEKA0K8FJ6C&dchild=1&keywords=leadership+reckoning&qid=1610487960&sprefix=be+the+spark+%2Caps%2C173&sr=8-11:00 Hope is a belief that change is possible and that you are responsible for your outlookIt’s a science, not abstractWe have more strength than we give ourselves credit forThe wisdom of 12-step recovery programsThe fusion of community and accountability9:00  Leadership “bubbles up”A willingness to learn, develop, and growSelf-awareness, empathy, cooperation are keys to successful leadershipNavy SEALS and Holocaust survivorsThe simplicity of service as a means of survival13:30  Can everyone be a leader?The distinction between hope, optimism, and happinessLink belief with behaviorThe Anatomy of Hope by Jerome GroopmanThe idea of True Hope19:00 Is hope essential to being ethical?21:00 The 4 steps to successClarify your visionSimplify the pathwayExecuteStop, review, reflect, refineIncremental improvementSlow down, meditate, study, pray, nature, reset the mindTake a technology Sabbath26:00 How finding her voice helped Libby help others find their voices and thrive31:30  We all influence whether we know it or not with little time and effort34:30  What are you doing to make the world a better place for one other person?Limiters vs. liberatorsSet limits on mood vampiresLimit expectations but have a positive outlookThe story of the four sages43:00  Look for silver liningsUse technology to create new connections44:30  Word of the Day -- Serendipity: joy enhanced by the unexpectedFrame the ordinary in a way that makes it new.Choose hope!
Episode #15: Bob BurgHow do you create a context that promotes everyone's success?How do you communicate information for maximum impact?What are your unconscious operating systems and are they serving you?How do you find and foster successful partnerships?What should your target be to increase your chances for success?Join us as we discuss these and other fascinating questions with Bob Burg, NYT bestselling author and Hall of Fame speaker on The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://burg.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/bobburg/https://twitter.com/BobBurghttps://thegogiver.com/1:00 How the rabbi met BobExtraordinary accomplishments while keeping the common touch3:30  What is a go-giverFocus on others is the best formula for businessInternally motivated but outwardly focusedEthics: being selfless is selfishBusiness is about how we make others feelBenevolent context for everyone’s success8:00 Collaboration is people with different skill sets complementing each otherStories carry the message so they become implanted in usParables and allegories14:00 Being a giver is not being a doormatHow Bob got his start18:00 Knute Rockne -- invest in people19:30 How do we get people to connect with our message?Unconscious operating systems make us think others think like usValue is in the eye of the beholderSuccess begins by asking questions, then listening with every part of your body24:00 Dialogues of the deafParaphrasing establishes understanding and trust25:30  Compromise is not the answerFirst look for the win-win27:00 Go-Giver success alliance29:00 Finding and fostering successful partnerships35:00 Word of the day: meliorism -- the belief that the world can be made better through effortDon’t make making money your target; aim to serve others, and success will follow.
Why is ignorance a gift?Children come with innocence; when do we lose our own?Why are we afraid to tell our own truth?How does sympathy drive us apart?If I have 16,729 friends , why do I feel so alone?Join us as we discuss these and other compelling topics with Paralympian and executive coach John Register on this episode of The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://johnregister.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/johnregister/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M08l27PzJ8E1:00 People are uncomfortable telling their truths and articulating the object of their fearsAll fear stems from fear of the unknown2:30 Kids are willing to say what adults are afraid toEmbrace the new normalNew is “no prior frame of reference”5:00 Kids come with innocence… when did we lose ours?Labels and categories create tensionEmpathy vs. sympathyHonor and respect others for who they are and on their terms10:00 Have low expectations and work to raise the bar11:00 Ignorance is a good thing if it makes us curiousWe need to be inquisitive and want to expand our knowledge base14:00 The fear of being misinterpreted of of inadvertently giving offense suppresses our curiosity16:00 Swifter, higher, stronger -- always set the bar higher above each plateauThe nature of steps -- the top of one is the bottom of the nextA door is a point of transition: always look for the next door20:00 How do we manage a step backward?Always tell the truth and take responsibility23:00 We all have disabilities -- some are more evident than othersGive every person the benefit of the doubt that they are trying to overcome their own challenges27:00 Find the quiet space in your daily routine and use them as anchoring ritualsDevelop good habits and avoid decision fatigue32:00 We need support systemsFriendship is a profound gift, and we need to seek out people of quality and invest ourselves in them34:00 We need to be able to take so others can give36:00 Giving hard news, making hard decisions, supporting others in their decisions38:30 Relationships may never recover from trust betrayedStanding up for principles, even when there’s a price to pay42:00 In a culture of trust, there is less opportunity for giving or taking offenseWhen truth outweighs fear, we commit to a courageous life46:00 Tell people closest to you your secrets, then you won’t have to be afraid they will come outIntegrity calls us to take responsibility and be accountable50:00 Word of the day: interstice -- take a pauseWe should respond, not react, which requires us to take a moment before we speak or act52:00 What’s one area where you can bring a truth to light and share it with another?56:00 The founder of the ParalympicsThe refusal to accept that circumstances can’t be improved is the essence of ethics
What happens when leadership is disconnected from the front lines?Is deception ever necessary or ethical?Is it possible to set the bar too high?These and other fascinating topics are discussed in this interview with customer service guru and NYT/ WSJ bestselling author Shep Hyken on The Rabbi and the Shrink.https://hyken.com/https://twitter.com/Hykenhttps://www.pinterest.com/ShepHyken/https://www.linkedin.com/in/shephyken/https://www.facebook.com/ShepHykenSpeaker1:00 No excuses or false expectationsEthics applies to big ideas and principles but never at the expense of little detailsIf I take your money for my product or service, I have an ethical responsibility to make it as easy as possible for you to use it4:00 Customer experience is integral to businessWhy do businesses fail to anticipate customer needs?7:30 Major disconnect between leadership and frontlinesExperience the real experience11:00 Critics have to engage in deception to avoid preferential treatmentIs this ethical?14:00 The element of positive surpriseCreativity without dirty tricks or deceit17:00 The ethics of  doing business during COVIDThe principles of business remains the same but practices change to meet changing expectations22:00 Increased quality leads to increased expectationsCommunication and information prevent frustration26:00 What businesses do we love?What are they doing right?How can we do what they’re doing?Improving our work environment will spill over into everyday lives29:00 Have we confused ethics and politics?31:00 Does politically correct language cause confusion?Open-mindedness goes both ways35:00 Do companies need to cut customer service expenses to remain competitive?40:00 During COVID, how do we balance safety against service?How do we balance physical well-being against psychological well-being?43:30 The word of the day: quotidian -- ordinary to the point of mundaneElevate the ordinary to a level of extraordinaryCreate exceptional experiences47:00 A little better than average stands out as exceptional48:00 “Gold is a very rich color”50:00 Personalize the experience and win loyal customers53:00 Use good judgment to make ethical decisions
What is the connection between ethics and civility?Can democracy survive without a civil culture?How do we balance insensitivity against hyper-sensitivity?These and many other critical matters of human interaction are discussed in this week's episode with Chief Civility Officer Sejal Thakkar.https://www.linkedin.com/in/sejalthakkar/1:00 Harassment and discrimination vs. civilityEvaluating and filtering our own behaviorWhat are our core values? What are the guidelines?4:00 Internal vs. external behaviorA mindset of commitment to standardsUnclear definitions promote inappropriate behaviorPrevention vs. reaction7:00 Checking boxes vs. addressing root causesOver- vs. under-reactionWhat can individuals do to improve a culture?3 out of 4 people do not report cases of harassment11:00 Have we overcorrected in promoting respect?When leaders set an example of dignity and respect, openness and civility become more natural15:00 How do we become conscious of unconscious bias?Create a culture of awarenessCivility = civilization19:00 Raise awareness so bias becomes consciousCommunication is the beginning of raised awareness“Ouch!”23:00 Compliance is the collective response that must be filtered through individual responseThin-skinned vs. thick-sinned25:00 Sometimes it’s best to let small affronts passWhen leaders and colleagues can be trusted to intervene, we all feel safer29:30 Civility includes addressing every form of improper behavior32:00 How do we manage different perceptions of civility based on personality types and cultureAuthentic respect for others and willingness to engage in genuine discourse to find common ground35:00 A smile and a flame are the only things you can give away without giving upIn healthy environments, we project positivity38:00 “He stole my property, not my dignity or my manners”40:00 Can democracy survive without civility?Civility promotes creativity, productivity and, ultimately, profitability43:00 Is cancel-culture out-of-control civilityIs shaming consistent with civility?47:00 Word of the day: verbicide -- killing a word through misuseCivility vs. political correctnessPolitical correctness become weaponized civility51:00 How does a community handle the genuinely or maliciously hypersensitive?Hiring and retaining the wrong people58:00 We need more common sense, which is anything but common
Could you be the next Bernie Madoff? Could I?What is the ethics diamond?What is meliorism and why can't we be ethical without it?These and many other gems of wisdom are found in this week's episode with executive coach Jennifer H. Elder, CSP, CPA, CVP.http://www.sustainablecfo.com/https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenniferhelder/1:00 The ethics diamond (the fraud triangle + one)Facing the dilemma of choosing knowing someone will get hurtPressure from one side or both: angel and devil on your shoulderRationalizationWhat’s the likelihood of getting caught?2:30 The crisis of COVID magnifies all these elements5:30 Gray areas are fertile ground for rationalization: How honest can I be with myself?How much we need a community to hold us accountable*8:00 Slippery slope: small violations lead to bigger onesWithout consequences, we get bolder10:30 Transgressions become permitted and then become values11:30  The fallacy of the slippery slope?13:00 An ethical culture allows for making mistakes and missteps as a mechanism to do betterChange starts with individuals, and is modelled from the top downThe damage caused by mixed messages and double standardsNoble behavior inspires higher personal standards18:30 Keep ethical values up frontDon’t just print, post, and prayOrganizational responsibility21:00 Is this the right thing to do?Ethics begins where compliance endsTake the moment of failure and focus on past successes24:00 The story of Noah and the ark: the world was filled with violence and on the brink of self destructionTry to raise up others while not letting them pull you down27:00 Does the ethics of a company resonate with the culture of the time and fit with its own people?*30:00 In a polarizing culture, finding common core values becomes increasingly essential to survivalHarvard/ University of London study: ethical businesses have 4 times higher sales“Help me understand your position”Learn to be curious35:00  Whistleblowing: “What is lawful can be awful”The importance of having a hotline“Hold me accountable”Report but verify41:30  Why is it so hard to sell ethics?The evil of “soft skills”Sincerity sells45:30 Word of the day: meliorism -- the belief that the world can be improved through effortEthics is impossible without optimism*47:30 Organizational ethics defines the cultureThree questions for employees to create an ethical climate52:00 Communication, collaboration, and problem-solving55:00 Ethics requires courage; courage requires support and rewards (when they work)1:01:00 Whistleblowing should be hard and should be worth itFEAR: false expectations appearing real
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