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Three Bean Salad

Author: Three Bean Salad

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A podcast from comedians Mike Wozniak, Henry Paker and Benjamin Partridge. Each week the three beans tackle a different theme, suggested by the listening audience.
122 Episodes
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Gameshows

Gameshows

2024-06-1954:161

Allison of Penistone has the beans talk about gameshows this week and by gum they don’t disappoint. Or do they? Why not play the ultimate game of chance and find out? Simply “Spin That Bean!”* and you could stand to win the best part of an hour of lukewarm banter.*conceptual bean only. Sorry. You’ll need to click the link as per.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladWith thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comLivestream tickets for our shows at London Podcast Festival on Friday 13 Sept and Saturday 14 Sept 2024: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/kplayer/performer/three-bean-salad/Get in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod
Libraries

Libraries

2024-06-1201:08:442

It is said that there as many books in the libraries of the world as there are atoms in a book (although not sure which book. Actually that doesn’t make sense given the variation in the size of books. Perhaps it was in a grain of sand. Or is that the thing about there being the same number of stars in the sky as grains of sand in a beach. But which beach? West Wittering is massive. Actually forget it). Freya of Bremen has chosen libraries for this week’s topic so for once can we all just ruddy well put those phones away and read a bleeding novel?!Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladWith thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comLivestream tickets for our shows at London Podcast Festival on Friday 13 Sept and Saturday 14 Sept 2024: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/kplayer/performer/three-bean-salad/Get in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod
Eggs

Eggs

2024-06-0501:02:153

A brand new series kicks the talon of lukewarm banter through the paper-thin shell of rules before squawking truth bombs from the beak of freedom and watching its unhatched siblings being gathered by the smallholder of something else and incorporated into a pretty decent ham and cheese omelette. That’s right, thanks to Katie of Hull, the first topic of the first of episode of series 13 is eggs.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladWith thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod
No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until June).Join our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad for bonus episodes.
Farming

Farming

2024-04-2401:22:224

This week the beans doff their Harris Tweed flap caps to Chrissie of Bremen whose topic suggestion of farming has slipped out of the bean machine’s birth canal, glistening with the lukewarm goo of banter before landing softly on the (also lukewarm) straw of compelling, independent broadcasting and bleating with the timbre of nature’s very own promotional jingle. The beans shall return come the radish harvest (June).Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladWith thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod
Wine

Wine

2024-04-1701:13:225

The Industrial Revolution, the assassination of Julius Caesar, the debut performance of “Wang Dang Doodle” by Howlin’ Wolf, the wedding of Jérôme d'Ambrosio and Eleonore von Habsburg, The Black Death. What do these things have in common? All of them took place within spitting distance of some quantity of wine probably. No wonder then that Charlie of St. Louis has selected wine as this week’s topic for the beans - served lukewarm.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladWith thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod
Olives

Olives

2024-04-1001:03:282

Trigger warning for any misophonia sufferers this episode (although Henry probably weeded these people out long ago). Olives is this week’s topic with thanks to Lewis of Lewisham. Obviously no one really understands what an olive is so it’s a tough one for the beans but the beans battle on gamely nonetheless. Giant snails also get a mention and about ruddy time.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladWith thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod
Cloche Bleue

Cloche Bleue

2024-04-0301:12:575

Cloche Bleue: noun 1) Term used to denote a blue bell or a cat named Bluebell by a French speaker or by members of London’s metropolitan elite 2) archaic Obsolete Royal Naval punishment also known as the “Arctic Arse Spinnaker” 3) A curate’s egg of an episode in which the podcasters forget to find a proper topic to discuss after being mesmerised by the work of a French jinglist called SamuelJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladWith thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpodMusic includes:An der schönen blauen Donau, Op.314 (Strauss Jr., Johann) by Das Orchester TSUMUGI. (Creative Commons Attribution 4.0)
The Beach

The Beach

2024-03-2701:04:401

Matt from Newcastle gets the beans chatting about the beach this week. Sure they cover the hits (your shingle, your windbreaks, your snorkels and so on) but they also cast a bean smeared lens over the behavioural psychology, the paleoanthropology and yes the very mythos of the towel/bare arse interface.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladWith thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpodLIVE SHOW TICKETS:MANCHESTER: https://www.seetickets.com/tour/three-bean-saladBRISTOL: https://tobaccofactorytheatres.com/shows/three-bean-salad-podcast-live/MACHYNLLETH: https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2024/three-bean-salad-three-bean-salad-podcast-live-2/
Tough Guys

Tough Guys

2024-03-2001:02:523

This weeks topic is tough guys and that’s thanks to Joe from Bremen in the Cotswolds who clearly understands what this podcast is actually about. Naturally the beans thrive in this chatosphere. After all, one of them has at least seven extremely small scars, one of them has driven a convertible with the top down in Wales and one of them is a card carrying beefcake.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladMerch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod
Ghosts

Ghosts

2024-03-1357:462

Isaac of Bremen recommends the beans set banter to spooky and discuss ghosts this week. As you’d imagine they put what has long been a contentious subject to bed once and for all and they’re very brave about it at the same time but in an unassuming and modest way (and we’re not talking false modesty mind you). Benjamin Partridge also reveals the secret fuel of the Jingle Meister.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladMerch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod
Stonehenge

Stonehenge

2024-03-0657:533

Did the druidic architecture firm that designed Stonehenge make their pitch with a scale model made of beans? Were the stones moved halfway across Britain by crabs? (NB on a map the direction of travel is sideways!) Was Stonehenge the location of King Arthur’s stag do? There’s absolutely no way of knowing any of the above as it’s a prehistoric structure (ie built in a zero red tape environment so non-existent record keeping/planning protocols etc). But if there’s one thing that’s never stopped the Beans’ flow of lukewarm banter it’s a complete lack of concrete knowledge. So lie down, think of Albion and enjoy this Stonehenge based episode with thanks to this week’s topic suggester Ian of Stone.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladMerch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod
No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until March).Join our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad for bonus episodes.
No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday January and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month on the basis of cosmic health and safety)Join our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad for bonus episodes.
Circus

Circus

2024-01-2401:08:37

For the last episode of the season place your head in the jaws of podcasting and let its lukewarm slobber cascade into your ears because the theme, with thanks to Stephen of Ireland, is the circus. The beans will be away for the month of Frerbrurary investigating whether or not fleas actually enjoy circus skills training or performance work but shall return full of the proverbial in March.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Tickets to see Mike's tour show Zusa can be found here: https://littlewander.co.uk/show/mike-wozniak-zusa-2/Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladMerch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod
James Bond

James Bond

2024-01-1701:15:092

“Frankly, 007, I don’t give a damn!” That’s right, this week’s topic, courtesy of Diogo of Lisbon, is James Bond. We’ve all seen the movies, sure. But has the world actually taken the time to just stop for a second and listen to what some blokes have to say about them?With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladMerch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod
Castles

Castles

2024-01-1001:06:023

Holly of Portsmouth blesses the beans with the ancient chat topic of castles for this week’s episode. They get close harmony groups and genetically engineered toads out of the way in short order and before you know it are on to an absolutely watertight movie pitch that will probably redefine cinema for a generation.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladMerch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod
Architecture

Architecture

2024-01-0301:04:111

Ali requests that the Beans explore the topic of architecture and they do their best to take the roof off, knock through the kitchen and dining room to create a greater sense of space, and install a cantilevered lukewarm sauna. As always, listeners will benefit from a working knowledge of former professional tennis player and BBC sports anchor Sue Barker.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladMerch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod
Fairytales

Fairytales

2023-12-2701:02:213

Emma has the beans discuss fairy tales for the last episode of 2023. It’s nasty business on the whole as anyone who has actually read an original fairy tale or had a fairy tale based upon their own life experiences will know. If you’re too busy to listen and are simply after this week’s take home message it’s probably that you ought to be very, very, very, very, very cautious about making any sort of bargain with a goblin/sorceress/folkloric twat.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladMerch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comFind Crowleytime by today's email jingle maker here: https://crowleytom.com/crowley-timeGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod
Cruises

Cruises

2023-12-2056:263

It’s only a matter of time before the beans’ merch empire knocks the competition into a cocked hat with the launch of Beantopia: Three Bean Salad’s very own maxi cruise ship experience. Prebook for the maiden voyage of the as-yet unbuilt vessel now to enjoy a floating paradise replete with an all-you-can-eat bean buffet, ocean going velodrome, manmade desert, Punch and Judy musical flume experience, secret Stanford behavioural psychology experiment and super realistic waste ground with suspended building works. Thanks therefore to Becky of the Bremen Borough of Barnet for feeding “cruises” into the bean machine and giving the beans a topic they have a real passion for.With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.Tickets for our live shows at Machynlleth Comedy Festival can be found here: https://machcomedyfest.co.uk/show/2024/three-bean-salad-three-bean-salad-podcast-live-2/Merch now available here: www.threebeansaladshop.comGet in touch: threebeansaladpod@gmail.com @beansaladpod
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Comments (10)

Stevie Gilroy

"7 tiles of Lorne sausage meat" Actually laughing in bed at 3am a beautiful line and yes the Scottish accent was perfect.

Jan 20th
Reply

C3S (Lobus)

With in ear earbuds I've noticed people slowely move away from me on the underground when I laugh out loud. If anyone out there likes a bit of silly (who doesn't) I highly recommend you listen to these 3 idiots.

Jan 5th
Reply

C3S (Lobus)

why oh why oh why are more people not listening to these 3 idiots. I wouldn't feel so alone when I laugh out loud and people move away from me on the underground. Utterly amazing and sometimes quite surreal, keep it up chaps.

Dec 16th
Reply

Tom J Smith

In this episode, the Beans spend 8 minutes talking about a hypothetical mustard manufacturer.

Jun 13th
Reply (1)

Rob Finch

My mother told me to sell the family cow, but all I got was a subscription to this podcast.

Jan 24th
Reply

Nuutti

I genuinely fell asleep near the end of the episode and it was slightly alarming and surreal to wake up to Thatcher and a terrible cacophony of seagulls

Dec 12th
Reply

Sam Massey

This podcast is criminally undersubscribed.

Jun 30th
Reply (1)

David Rippin

Utterly hilarious.

May 8th
Reply