The Silent Why

#68. Many mum's across the UK are likely still glowing after a day of being celebrated, but maybe for you Mother's Day (or Mothering Sunday, to use the proper name) makes you wince a little (or a lot). Well, as a childless-not-by-choice (cnbc) woman I know how you feel, and I'm here to share how I'm learning to mark it without letting it mark me.This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.For this episode, I - Claire Sandys - decided to do things a little differently. Instead of an interview, or a prepared blog, I just switched the microphone on and winged it! I worked from a few notes I made yesterday (on Mothering Sunday, on my Supernote), and I just shared whatever felt right to share. [I also videoed it to make a 'Reel' on Instagram, so let's see if I manage to pull that together this century!] As a childless woman, and half of a cnbc couple, I know how tricky Mother's Day can be. However this year it was actually a good one for me, so I thought it might be valuable to share a little about why and how (after 10 years of struggle) that's come about.Join me as I explore why Mother's Day is a challenge, who struggles with it, how we can refocus it, and what I've found to be helpful along the way. For more about our childless journey listen to Episode 3  - Loss of fertility - where we chat in more detail about our experience: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/492a29c1/loss-3101-loss-of-fertility-chris-and-claire-sandys-part-1For the full blog post by Amy Young that I read from visit: https://www.messymiddle.com/an-open-letter-to-pastors-a-non-mom-speaks-about-mothers-day/And if there are certain losses you'd like to learn more about from us, or our guests, scroll down the 'Let's Chat...' page on our website to the list of topics and you can see some of our episodes categorised there: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/letschat Or you can see our full list of 101 losses so far here: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/101losses-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

#067. We’ve all thought through the scenario; what items would I grab if the house was on fire? But what is it actually like to live through that at the age of sixteen, and lose all your possessions? This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.Loss #42 of 101 - Loss of possessions in a house fire.Meet Harry Kind from South London, he’s a consumer rights expert with ‘Which?’, a comedy writer and you’ll also see him on TV and radio every now and then. In fact, he was on the TV when we sat down to each breakfast the other morning, prompting a shout: ‘Look! There’s Harry!’ Harry grew up in Wales and when he was 16 years old, the house his dad had been renovating for many years caught fire very late one night. Fortunately, no one was hurt and Harry, his parents, and two siblings, all got out safely. However, almost all their possessions were lost or damaged to either fire or water damage.In this episode Harry tells us what it was like to lose everything he owned as a teenager, how he reflects on that time now, what his parents must have been going through, the additional pressures the family had around that time (including Harry being diagnosed with cancer), and also the positive impact it’s had on him as an adult and the kind of person he is now.For more about Harry you can follow him on Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/harrykind To see photos of the house fire and the newspaper clipping about it visit this Twitter thread or visit the episode artwork: https://twitter.com/HarryKind/status/1587797430224953348?s=20 -----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

Having blogged about every month of the year for the last 12 months (see series: 'To every thing there is a season'), I'm now reflecting and wondering if it's possible to find hope in all seasons.Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast. My Why episodes are audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/istherehopeineveryseasonOur podcast is largely about loss and getting through grief, but it's also about hope. So, I'm on the hunt for it in every subject I tackle. The latest area I've been focusing on is months of the year and the seasons (literal and metaphorical), so having blogged about each month I'm now assessing - was there hope to be found in every month? Even the hardest, greyest, wettest ones?! Let's find out.To read/hear all my season blogs visit: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/blog/categories/seasons or search for a month name among our podcast episodes. And if you haven't been with me on this seasonal journey, why not start with either of these blogs and read/listen your way through the year...To everything there is a season: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/toeverythingthereisaseasonThe season of March: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofmarch-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

#066. Let’s Chat… about the complexities of living with a wide variety of losses; how we face them, share them, compare them and get through them.  These Let’s Chat… episodes are for me (Claire Sandys) to chat one-on-one with a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area of loss.However, in this Let’s Chat… I’m talking to TWO guests for the first time. Peter Ellis (Loss 32 - Loss of physical abilities after a stroke) has returned with his dear friend, Katrina McNamara. They spend a lot of time chatting about loss and grief, not just because they've experienced it in different ways but also because it was embedded into their professional lives. So when they approached me to see if I'd record an episode with them chatting about loss  - I said a big fat 'yes'!  Katrina has faced loss through breast cancer, the sudden loss of her husband and shortly afterwards the loss of both parents. Peter has faced complicated grief over his parents, the loss of a career after retirement, and the loss of physical abilities following a stroke he had not long after he retired.Their very different losses, as well as working in hospice care for children, have led them to have many fascinating chats about loss and grief and they wanted to find a way to share these with others. Especially for those looking for ways through loss and the hope that can be found within it.Between the three of us we've experienced loss through childlessness, cancer, stroke, bereavement, loss of parents, pets, health, jobs, abilities and much more. We talk about the effects of social media, expectations, the impact others can have on us, comparison between losses, triggers, and helping others in their loss. There is so much wisdom and experience in this conversation, so we hope it will help you wherever you are on your loss journey.To read more about Peter’s story and follow his blog visit: https://www.mystrokejourney.health.blog To listen to Peter's full episode (Loss 32 of 101: Loss of physical ability after a stroke):https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/78922fa6/loss-32101-loss-of-physical-ability-after-a-stroke-peter-ellisAnd with each Let’s Chat… guest I'm building a whole tool shed (metaphorically), of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Peter and Katrina add to my growing list of tools. -----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

#065. How is grieving the loss of a loved one different when there's no physical body to bury, cremate or identify? How is getting 'closure' impacted when a body of a loved one isn't recovered?This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.Loss #41 of 101 - Loss without a bodyMeet Lisa Kolb Ruland, from Washington DC, a former New York Prosecutor, a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America’s baking and pastry program, and now a food writer and editor of the website - Unpeeled Journal - where she also writes about grief and loss. Lisa married the outdoors-loving Eric in 2012, but less than two years later he died in a mountain climbing tragedy - along with five other climbers - on  Mount Rainier near Seattle. Although three bodies were later recovered, Eric's body was sadly not one of them. In this chat Lisa helps us understand the complexities of grieving through, not only sudden loss, but also ambiguous loss. She talks about the importance of the rituals following death and how their absence for her only added to her grief. She also shares very personal things she did to try and feel like any part of Eric was near her, and shares her experiences of finding love again, with her now-husband, and also widowed, Brodie.Lisa's story is one of horrific sudden loss - in more ways than just the bereavement itself - but it's also a story full of hope, love and wisdom.This is Lisa's second interview on the podcast, her first 'Let's Chat... Food and Grief' Episode (#59) can be found on any podcast player or at: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7dcf6269/lets-chat-food-and-grief For more about Lisa visit: https://www.lisakolbruland.com You can find her food writing and Food + Grief Project at: https://unpeeledjournal.comAnd to read about how the second year of being a widow can actually be harder, visit this link: https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2015/11/04/when-the-second-year-of-widowhood-is-harder/ -----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

Do you need a bit of love and hope this Valentine's Day?  Wondering what love is and where to find it? Want to hear why it's better to define our lives by love, and not loss?  Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast. My Why episodes are audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/letsbeloveAs this episode goes out on Valentine's Day, a tricky day for some, I wanted to offer anyone feeling a bit fed up a boost of hope and some podcast love.We often focus on one type of love, especially on Valentine's Day, romantic love (or eros), but there are many types, and this episode explores why it's so important to remember the other forms that love can take.You might say: 'What's love got to do with it? Where is the love? I wanna know what love is.' And I will answer 'This crazy little thing called love? Love is all around us. Love is in the air. A groovy kind of love. Endless love. I believe in a thing called love. Can you feel the love tonight?'And you will say: 'You give love a bad name!'There's no escaping love, it's in our culture, our literature, our art, our music. People have been obsessed with it for years. Tune in to find out why it's so important, and how it might just help you, not hurt you, this Valentine's Day.  Links referred to in the episode:Let's Chat: Grieving Brains with Mary Frances O'Connor' episode: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7bd90faf/lets-chat-grieving-brainsSee the love, by The Brilliance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9dBcE4A6l8The Gravity of love, by The Brilliance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCFQfakZGKc-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

February is here, the last month in my year-long series ('To every thing there is a season...'), so what can this short, love- and pancake-filled leap year month teach us about life? Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonoffebruary This My Why is the final month in my series looking at all the months of the year and what each one is teaching me about life, loss, love, hope or hedgehogs. Since March 2022 I've been using the first blog of the month to assess what I can learn or love about the month ahead, and I have to say - I'm going to miss it.It seems fitting to end on February because it was also the last month to be added to our calendar year, so it's been patiently waiting, once again, for me to get to the end of my series and take a look at what it has to teach us. And did you know it was once called Mud Month?So if you want to know why we sometimes skip leap years, why February's so short, why we make pancakes, why we celebrate love, why I mention purple, or why you should like this month at all? This one's for you.And if you want to continue with the series or start again, you can read/listen to 'The season of March' here: thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofmarch-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

#064.  Another milestone reached! We've hit loss number 40 on our mission to explore 101 different types, meaning we only have 61 (!) to go.In this episode we (Chris & Claire Sandys) pause briefly to discuss what we've learned so far on this journey. What are the takeaways? What has encouraged us? What will we try in the future? What's most memorable about the last 10 losses we've explored?We're loving every second of talking to others on this podcast, but we're also learning a lot about healthy ways to process our own childlessness grief.And because we ask every guest 'What's your Herman?', we've mixed together the last 10 guest's Hermans - so tune in for the not-yet-famous 'Hermontage' to hear what they want to share to help you in your loss.And if you don't know what a Herman is, visit the link below. Huge thanks to Losses 31-40: Vlad Korotkov & Irina Karaseva (our first couple interview), Peter Ellis, Hui-wen Sato, Greg Williams, Edy Nathan, Mary Turner Thomson, Mark Riddles, and Sheridan Voysey.If you'd like to see our guests and encourage them, pop over to our social media for the latest collage of their lovely faces and hit 'like'.-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

#063. What is actually going on in the brain when we grieve? And how do grief and science work together?This Let’s Chat episode explores the affect of grief on the brain and whether science can help us understand grief and love, or even prepare for loss. These Let’s Chat… episodes pop-up every now and then instead our 101 loss episodes, as I (Claire Sandys) chat to a guest who has lived-experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.In this Let’s Chat I’m talking to Mary-Frances O'Connor, an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and Psychiatry at the University of Arizona, and author of the book 'The Grieving Brain: The surprising science of how we learn from love and loss'. Mary-Frances conducts studies into understanding the grief process from a psychological and physiological point of view.  Last year, a friend sent me an interview with Mary-Frances for The British Psychological Society and the headline was - 'You can't really study grief without studying love' - I instantly knew I needed to talk to Mary-Frances on the podcast about this, and when I asked her, she said 'yes!' (my favourite answer).  Interview link: https://www.bps.org.uk/volume-35/may-2022/you-cant-really-study-grief-without-studying-loveMary-Frances brings a new perspective to loss, the part love plays in grief, why going through love and then loss is still better than not loving at all, and the distinction between grief and grieving, as she chats from from a viewpoint we haven’t really tackled yet on the podcast - science. For more about Mary-Frances and her book visit:https://www.maryfrancesoconnor.com/To buy 'The Grieving Brain': https://amz.run/6Jno (paperback due out Feb 2023) And you can find her on social media at:https://www.twitter.com/doctormfohttps://www.facebook.com/maryfrancesohttps://www.instagram.com/doctormfoconnorhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/maryfrancesoconnor/And with each Let’s Chat… guest I'm building a tool shed (metaphorically) of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Mary-Frances adds to my growing -----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

I love the comedy-drama Ted Lasso and so it was always going to be next on my list of TV programmes to explore on the podcast. Specifically around how the programme approaches loss and grief in Season 1.Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast exploring every type of loss and grief and all the places we find them.I'm Claire Sandys and every now and then, among our regular episodes looking for 101 types of loss, I've decided to share another love of mine - commentating on fictional storytelling. And to remain on theme I'm going to explore specific programmes, books or stories that handle grief or loss in a particularly good (or maybe even bad!) way.The programme I'm dissecting today is a comedy-drama that launched in 2020 - Ted Lasso (Apple TV+).  SPOILER ALERT: This episode does contain spoilers from 5:40 onwards, basically after my husband's impromptu piano rendition of the theme tune (which is always worth hearing!)So join me as I take a closer look at the themes of grief and loss in these episodes and how the writers and producers handled a subject very close to my heart (and my podcast). Oh and it's impossible to do this review without swear words in the quotes (you'll see why, courtesy of one character in particular), but don't worry, I beeped them out, just be aware if little/sensitive ears are nearby.Watch the Ted Lasso Season 1 trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3u7EIiohs6U Ted Lasso Season 2 trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reP1gVGpFKoWatch Ted Lasso on Apple TV+ or look into a free trial here: https://apple.co/_TedLasso  More trailer links: https://www.apple.com/uk/tv-pr/originals/ted-lasso/trailers-videos/-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

*Announcement Episode* In this short episode we want to let you know about some changes to the podcast from next week, and why. From Tuesday we'll be releasing one episode a week instead of two, and this is for a few valuable reasons we've outlined in this episode. To quote the wonderful Olaf from Frozen - "All good things, all good things." We'll be providing all the same kind of content - in fact, we're hoping it'll get even bigger and better.If you'd like to support the show with your time, money or encouragement, visit: www.thesilentwhy.com/support to see how to do that.-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

#062. Ever felt the pain of a broken dream? Those great expectations which turned into even greater disappointment? Hopefully this episode will restore some hope that new beginnings can be found, whatever the dream you lost. This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.Loss #40 of 101 - Loss of dreamsMeet Sheridan Voysey, a writer, speaker and broadcaster who moved from Australia to England just over a decade ago, pursuing a new beginning with his wife, Merryn, after finally accepting their dream of having children was not to be. Their decision to move across the world and start again was to be the making of Merryn and her career, but for Sheridan it also meant the crushing end of a dream career he'd been cultivating and pursuing for many years. In 1995, Sheridan conceived the idea of the Open House show, a talk radio show that interviewed guests from around the world on issues of life and faith. It was a further 10 years of work before that dream became a reality and even longer before Sheridan got to host it. And it was this dream career and blossoming reputation that he had to give up to start again on a new continent where he was unknown.Sheridan speaks openly and honestly about his experience of childlessness, identity shifts he had to come to terms with, grieving broken dreams, facing new beginnings (even when they involve sad endings), and the unexpected blessings that he's unearthed along the way.For more about Sheridan visit: https://sheridanvoysey.comFor his books and projects:Resurrection Year: Turning Broken Dreams Into New Beginnings - https://sheridanvoysey.com/resurrectionyear/The Making of Us: Who We Can Become When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned -  https://sheridanvoysey.com/themakingofus The Creed: https://sheridanvoysey.com/thecreedFriendship Lab (new project in development): http://www.friendshiplab.orgMerryn's acceptance speech: https://sheridanvoysey.com/an-invitation-to-buckingham-palaceSheridan's statement about leaving Open House:https://sheridanvoysey.com/my-open-house-announcement-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

Well, January is here, another marmite-month for many (in England that means you either love it or hate it), so what can we learn from the first month of the year?Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofjanuaryThis My Why is number 11 of 12 blogs in the series ‘To every thing there is a season’, where on the first Friday of the month for a whole year (which I started in March for some reason) I'm sharing lessons I’m learning from each month, and I've reached January.January gets a lot of bad press and I can see why, but I'm finding it has a lot to teach me about choice, beginnings, endings, contradictions, extremes and getting safely through doorways. So if you're keen to see what you can learn from January - this blog's for you. If you've got the January blues - this blog's for you. If you're just a nosey creature that wants to know how on earth you can find anything good in January - it's also for you.-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

#061. Dislike New Year's Eve? Don't get it? Don't want to be a part of it? Hate it even?!Well allow us to show you how you can turn it from foe into friend.This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.We (Claire & Chris) know New Year is hard and disliked by a lot of people, but as it's technically only a calendar change we also know a lot of these feelings actually stem from personal hurts and pains people have around their previous New Year experiences.So we've got 6 top tips on how to find ways to enjoy New Year and make it into something helpful instead of hurtful. We've also got 20 questions you can ask yourself and work through if you want to assess where you are right now and where you want to be next year. You can copy and paste them from the podcast transcript if you want to work through those (https://thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com/1799189/11953644-another-new-year-why).And here's the link to the New Year song we mention and quote from - 'For all that you have done' by Rend Collective: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYelp1pMpVs  Wherever you are, however you're feeling, we wish you a New Year filled with hope, because... 'Hope is being able to see that there is light, despite all of the darkness.' Desmond Tutu.For more of our content on New Year check out these episodes/blogs:Blog: Know Hope (read/listen):https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/knowhopeEpisode 13 - That weird time between loss of an old year and start of a new year: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4be504ec/that-weird-time-between-loss-of-an-old-year-and-start-of-a-new-year 5 short hopelet episodes for bursts of hope:https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4c222f81/hopelet-1-when-your-hope-is-small-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

The Silent Why podcast is on a mission to seek hope in 101 different types of permanent loss. We (your hosts, Claire and Chris Sandys) also love a good spin-off. In this short episode Claire helps you find what you need.Links to episodes/blogs mentioned...Episode 13 -  ‘That weird time between loss of an old year and the start of a new year’. (Chris & I chat about that weird time between Christmas and New Year): https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4be504ec/that-weird-time-between-loss-of-an-old-year-and-start-of-a-new-year   My Why: Christmas - friend or foe foe foe?:https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/christmasfriendorfoe My Why: A weary world rejoices: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/awearyworldrejoices   Episode 12: 'Chris’ loss of Christmas Spirit': https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4b23ecc3/chris-loss-of-christmas-spirit  My Why blog - Where’s the rest?: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/wherestherestMy Why blog - What’s the worst thing about grief: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/worstthingaboutgriefMy Why: The season of December: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofdecember Where’s your hope at? (5 short Hopelet episodes): https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/wheresyourhopeatMy Why: Know Hope:https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/knowhope And lots of other blog topics available on the blog (www.thesilentwhy.com/blog) like: Permission to grieveWhat is loss?Living in the bittersweetAre you lonely?Disappointed with lifeSunshine doesn’t fix everythingWhen did we all get so fearful?And one of my favourites - Meet My friend, the moon.Episode 3  - Loss of Fertility (our personal experience with loss and childlessness): -----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

#060. Christmas can be a tough time, right? If your answer is 'absolutely not' then this festive special might not be for you. But if you feel a sad little 'yeah it is' voice inside, then come with us as we chat through why some find it hard and how we can find - and share - comfort through it.We're Claire and Chris Sandys, hosts of The Silent Why podcast, lovers of deep conversation, building community and marzipan. We're also childless (not by choice) which adds a layer of discomfort to this special time of the year.This time last year we recorded a similar episode (Chris' loss of Christmas spirit) and  since then we've had a year of chatting to people who have been through loss, and found it has massively helped us to find our own ways to navigate and cope with grief, especially at tricky times like Christmas. So in this episode we reflect on that and how we're feeling about this Christmas.We're also joined by a host of special guest voices, from previous Silent Why episodes, who share something short about what makes Christmas hard for them, and then something sweet about what is bringing them comfort.Thank you to Sue Brayne, Virginia Solomons, Lori Alcorn, Alina Mavis, Sasha Bates, Lisa Newman, Peter Ellis, Elizabeth Leon, Jennifer Bute, Lis Whybrow, and Greg Williams.Plus, a beautiful piano rendition of In the Bleak Midwinter was recorded especially for this episode by the very talented - Jon Sandys. Thank you, Jon!We know not everyone's Christmas will be happy, but we are finding we can all have hope, so we're wishing you all a very Hopey Christmas instead.To listen to our 'Chris' loss of Christmas Spirit' episode from last year:https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/4b23ecc3/chris-loss-of-christmas-spirit -----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

#059. What is the relationship between food and grief?This Let’s Chat… episode is exploring the relationship between food and grief. Does it help or hinder?Heal or hurt? These Let’s Chat… episodes pop-up every now and then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss, as I (Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has lived-experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.In this Let’s Chat… I’m talking to Lisa Kolb Ruland, a food editor, writer and young widow who divides her time between Washington, D.C. and Brooklyn, New York.Lisa was a full-time food editor when she went through her own very sudden loss; in 2014 her husband Erik was in a group of explorers who died in a mountain climbing accident. Lisa manages the food website Unpeeled Journal and the ‘Food + Grief’ project that you’ll hear us speak about. She has a unique insight into both areas from a personal and professional standpoint. With Thanksgiving just gone and Christmas ahead I thought it was a good time to explore the relationship we can have with food when we, or others around us, are grieving. Food plays a huge role in our lives, and therefore in our grief too, whether it’s eating alone for the first time, big family meals, taking other 'griefy' people food, under-eating, over-eating, cooking recipes that link us to those we’ve lost, or avoiding foods too connected to those we’ve lost, there’s so much to explore.For more about Lisa visit her website:https://www.lisakolbruland.comOr the Unpeeled Journal: https://unpeeledjournal.comOr her Food + Grief project: https://unpeeledjournal.com/category/features/food-grief-projectOr her amazing food photos: https://www.instagram.com/unpeeledjournalAnd with each Let’s Chat… guest I'm building a tool shed (metaphorically) of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Lisa adds to my growing list of tools.-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

Because it is an art, not a science. Have you got someone coming to your family or group gathering and you're not sure how to include them and make them feel welcome? Maybe they're single, childless, divorced, grieving, unemployed, or just having a really tough time and you're keen for them to fit in. I'm here to help.Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/theartofmakingeveryonewelcomeAs a childless woman I know it's hard in gatherings, especially with families. And not only for those of us that don't feel like we fit in, but also for those that are trying to help us fit in. So I thought I'd offer some tips on how to include someone in your gathering and make them feel truly at home. Now, bear in mind this is only for those that want to expend time and energy on helping someone that might find fitting in a bit difficult at the moment. It's not really for people who don't have trouble socialising or feeling like they belong, or for those that don't want to invite people round and try to go the extra mile to make sure they enjoy themselves. I'd also say that this isn't meant as a way of encouraging you to invite others round just for the sake of it either, that can do more harm than good.But if you really want to help a friend or family member feel like they fit in this Christmas, or at a gathering another time, and you know they find it difficult because they're the only single person, or the only childless couple etc, then these tips will help you do that. You can find the other blog I mention here - 'How to talk to the grieving': https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrieving-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

#058. How do you grieve a loss that others might be happy about?This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.Loss #39 of 101 - Loss of riding a motorbikeMeet Mark Riddles, from Northern Ireland, who was hit by a car while out riding his motorbike in 2021. Despite only going 30-40mph the collision was enough to end Mark’s motorbiking days, a passion he’d had for as long as he could remember. Mark had two (very nice!) motorbikes and loved everything about the biking life. However, like many family members of bikers, not everyone was as encouraging of his potentially dangerous hobby, so when he had to give it up it wasn’t just sympathy he got but also a bit of ‘I told you so’. This episode opens a fascinating conversation about how sympathetic we are to other people's losses if we can't understand the love for what they lost. How we might put our own spin on their loss because of our opinion of what happened. An important example of how all losses contain grief.In this episode Mark talks openly about his experience of losing something he loved, how he might have responded differently if he didn’t have a family, why he hadn’t really thought of it as a loss to grieve before, and what he wants others to know in similar situations. -----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.

Well, December is here - love it or loathe it - we're in it, and what does it want to teach us this year? Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofdecemberThis My Why is the next episode of my ‘To every thing there is a season’ series, where on the first Friday of the month for a whole year I will share lessons I’m learning from each month of the year, and I've reached December.December is a painful and busy month for lots of people, and I get it, being childless we've found this season particularly hard over the years, but as well as a season that can be hurtful, I've found it also has the power to heal too, and I'm going to share share why, and how, through this blog.If you're dreading this month and season - do not fear (as the angel said) - I'm here to tell you there are things you can do to make it better. If you want to that is.As with so many things in life, I've found it's all about choice. Other blogs and links I mention or you might want to check out at this time of year:*Blog: Christmas - friend or foe, foe, foe?*https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/christmasfriendorfoe*A weary world rejoices (for the weary ones)*https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/awearyworldrejoices*The season of October (a.k.a Scragglepie's debut)*https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/theseasonofoctober*My new daily photo Instagram account*https://www.instagram.com/aviewobserved-----Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn Support the show through: buymeacoffee.com/thesilentwhy Review the show: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Goodpods More about the hosts, our childless journey, photos of guests, blog, and official 101 losses list: thesilentwhy.com What's a Herman? - thesilentwhy.com/hermanTips on how to help and talk to griefy people: thesilentwhy.com/post/howtotalktothegrievingEpisode transcripts and support the show: thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.comThank you for listening.