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Your Kickstarter Sucks

Author: Jesse Farrar & Mike Hale

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Useless robots, minimalist shoes, and "offensive" card games up to the friggin' Pope's stinky eyeballs! (Ewww!) That's crowdfunding in a nutshell, but it's also our modern world - a vast creativity desert, populated almost exclusively by scammers and dummies, practically coded to prey upon our pathological consumerism, permanently on the precipice of collapsing onto itself. Plus, there's a shitload of USB cables everywhere.


But it's not all bad. Most concepts springing from the twin Idea Hells of Kickstarter and IndieGoGo are so obviously stupid that they'll never go into production -- saving valuable landfill space -- and many of them are laugh-out-loud funny. Well, they're the kind of funny that makes you do that ashamed chuckle you do when you're listening to a podcast in public. Sort of a stifled "Hfff" sound, where you clear your throat right afterwards and hope nobody noticed it. Hfffffffuhhhahem. I'm normal.


As much as it sucks, sometimes you do need to buy stuff though. Occasionally you may even just want something, which is also fine within reason. And bombarded as we all are every day by hyper-targeted ads, we'll all eventually find ourselves getting pitched an idea that sounds like it might be exactly what we're looking for...if only they can just raise a little money. If you've read this far, that might sound pretty daunting. But the savvy shopper can avoid disaster with a few simple tips.


  1. Crowdfunding websites aren't stores, so you can't buy stuff there. Consider your pledges donations for potential rewards, and don't expect refunds.
  2. Check existing retailers for the product you want to buy. If it's a good enough idea, it's probably already for sale -- cheaper, and you can get it sooner.
  3. You have enough USB cables.


Finally, and most importantly, listen to Your Kickstarter Sucks. Mike and JF will tell you all about the nasty garbage you're missing out on, so there's no need to put yourself through the slog of browsing the sites, and they'll help steer you clear of the really tempting stuff you ultimately don't need (how many times to you expect your USB cable to be shot at anyway?) And hey, if you Hfffffffuhhhahem a little bit while you're at it, well, I don't know. That's probably good.



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165 Episodes
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Hey, we're helpin' over here! That's right folks, it's another week on Earth which means another YKS has been uploaded to everyone's desktop PCs for their fullscreen listening pleasure. This week on the show we are figuring out how to interact with the police safely, paying to hear a weirdo's dreams, and sucking on a pen with our big slobbery mouths due to anxiety. Plus at least 3 additional things are said throughout the episode. Download this one now while you still can! It's a collector's item that will only increase in value! This episode is an investment for your and your children's future! I really believe this!And for more YKS check out YKS Premium on Patreon. Last week we had our friends Dril and Derek from TruthPoint on and they tried to win a bunch of money. Did it work out? Well you'll just have to listen for yourself. Or ask them if you want. But maybe they won't reply, or maybe they'll lie to you. Easier to just do my thing, I think.Finally, this episode of YKS is sponsored by Manscaped. Hey if your shit is looking like that Black Crowes album cover (Amorica I think) then check out Manscaped. They ship to Canada now, and it probably comes in a bag like the milk they love so much up there. I wasn't just guessing about the album cover, I actually had to look it up. I don't listen to the Black Crowes. Just a small confession there. Here's another one: Manscaped's Lawn Mower 3.0 is really good, but it would be even better at 80% of the cost (hey what wouldn't), which is why we forced them to provide a discount code for our listeners. For 20% off and free shipping, smash in the promo code YKS at check out. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Hey...have you ever wanted to surf? Well grab a board and hang ten brah! It's a gnarly podcast ocean out there and we're just trying to catch a wave....Sheeaahhh man! Alright enough of that. It's time to post the show. This week we're toasting our phones, enjoying the new Drill (same as the old Drill?), and finally trumping Trump with -- what else -- song! Come along with the boys and remember the bad experience of going to a water park as a kid, plus answer the question all capitalists want to know: What's in your wallet? Tubular! Ran out of surfing guy stuff to say, sorry. Music for YKS is courtesy of the Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. For more YKS, check out the YKS Patreon. Hell, if you didn't skip the ad in the show, you heard me say it already. But if you're one of the 15 second skip jockeys, here's the deal. $5 gets ya 4 bonus eps a month. $8 gets ya 5 eps, 4 newsletters, merch discounts, and a box of custom injection-molded Mike and JF figurines (with realistic articulating legs and gun attachments). See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Welllllllllllll, well it's The Big Show! That was the entrance music of a wrestling guy from a number of years ago, but today we've got an episode of a podcast that could arguably go by the same name. That's because on episode 158 of YKS, we'll be introducing some products to you that might be able to make a real difference in your lives! Haha just kidding. We're going to talk about a penis board game. But there's also smart diapers, a joke of the day calendar for the terminally ill, and a product that promises to shave up to 1.2 seconds off the amount of time it takes to chug a Simply Alcohol (TM) Mango Wango Hard Sparkling Rosé Smoothie. Finally! That's time I can now spend explaining to my kids why the COVID-19 virus deserves all As. Music for YKS is courtesy of The Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Today's episode of YKS is sponsored by Wipers123. They've been selling wiper blades for so long they've gotten to be pretty good at it. I've got some here at the house, and in my opinion, I don't know how you'd do it any better than Wipers123. Don't believe me? Fine. I don't care. For everyone else, go to Wipers123.com and use promo code YOURKICKSTARTERSUCKS for $10 off your order of SpeedSets, which sounds like a very fast type of windshield wiper. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Naming the episode after a throwaway joke that will be dated by the time people hear it, not to mention years later...Winning! On this episode of YKS, we're reinventing late night television, the way people talk about weed, and in-car video content. Don't miss this episode, folks, the one they're calling "The Episode That's Out Today". It's gonna be yuuge (Donald Tump!.)Music for YKS is courtesy of The Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. For an ad-free version of the show, up to 5 bonus episodes (and more!!!) check out YKS Premium on Patreon. Hell of a deal. Hell of a deal. Today's episode of the show is sponsored by Manscaped. It's a nice thing to get if you'd like to have your nuts trimmed up and good-smelling, so check that out if ya want. For 20% off and free shipping, go to Manscaped.com and use promo code YKS. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Your Kickstarter Sucks so bad, we didn't even talk about it! This week on the show, we welcome back the Doughboys Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell for a crowdfunding-free discussion of Star Wars, Labor Day, and of course, strokin' your "thing". Plus, the so-called "food experts" compete head to head with DB in the contest of wits with a confusing rule set and inconsistent question structure we're calling FoodPardy! (Jeopardy! ha) All that and more on today's YKS. Check it out. Music for YKS is courtesy of the Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. For more YKS, subscribe to YKS Premium. $5 a month gets you 4 bonus episodes, and for $3 more you can add a weekly newsletter, merch discounts, and an exclusive 5th bonus episode every month. Normally we put the guest episodes over there, but sometimes we'll switch it up and do this. Never can tell with us. Tricky! And that's what makes it so much fun. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Hey what if Mr. Magoo was walking around in today's times? It's not that difficult to imagine. Folks we've got a long episode today...almost as long as my hair has been getting due to quarantine! And it's just about as good, too. Smack that play button for some classic jokes, goofs, and smart stuff to say, as well as little Canadian pokemon guys, a new stupid mask type, a bad board game, and more. Music for YKS is courtesy of The Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. For more YKS check out the YKS Premium Patreon page. For five bones a month, you can get 4 bonus episodes, which, hey, that's great. Stop there and nobody's gonna fault ya. But step up to the new Squeeze Louise tier of support and enjoy an exclusive 5th bonus episode and a weekly newsletter featuring more info on these piece of shit Kickstarters. Not bad! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Happy Daddy's Day Everyone Who Cares! On today's show we have a brand new character from DB, "Mikey the Centrist", plus fixes for the great problems of our time: deadly virus pandemics, police brutality, and gender neutral piss pans. Wow! I sure hope social influencers and politicians and the Illuminati are listening to this so we can get some shit done! Music for YKS is courtesy of the Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Today's YKS is sponsored by Wipers123. They're a company that sends you windshield wipers for your car. We got some and they seem to be pretty nice. Prices seem reasonable as well. So I would say if you need windshield wipers for your car, or if you know someone else who does and you are getting them windshield wipers as a gift, a smart thing to do would be to go to Wipers123.com and use promo code YOURKICKSTARTERSUCKS to get $10 off your order. Check out The Typhoon SpeedSet wiper blades with quick-click technology. Sounds pretty good. And don't forget the promo code there. Alright. Thanks. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Episode 153: Uber For Help

Episode 153: Uber For Help

2020-06-1501:38:07

Live from New York, it's.....YKS? What if that's what it was? Heck I don't know but I think it would most likely change from Weekend Update to Weekday Update. Due to, well, that's when the show comes out for one thing. And that's just one change. I might do some other ones, but of course I haven't really had much time to think about it. What, with everything going on in the world and all that stuff. I guess I'd also make it not Live anymore, just in case we have some mess-ups we want to take out. That way you get as good of a show as we can deliver, every time. And I'd do it during the day as well. Anyway, this week on YKS we have some Kickstarter projects to talk about, including both a half-assed new social media site and a niche Cards Against Humanity ripoff, as per usual, and then 4 other ones of indeterminate interest. Then several more minutes elapse with seemingly no new information conveyed, and the show ends. Please enjoy. Music for YKS is courtesy of the Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Executive Producer PBostrom. For more YKS, check out the Patreon page please. On there we've got YKS Premium, of course, and we've also got YKS Da Mag, the official weekly newsletter of Your Kickstarter Sucks. Check it out for tips and tricks, behind the scenes info, and exclusive scoops you won't find anywhere else. Just playing. It's me and Mike talking about whatever. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
The US Postal Service brought to a screeching halt by widespread rioting and looting...Psychological warfare on our nation's sleeping-in citizens ramps up dangerously...Some news articles are too difficult to skim...Fixing the healthcare system with but a simple T-shirt...All that and more on today's YKS, an episode that's up on time and very full of many minutes of talking! Now that's what we call "fulfilling our duties as part of an implicit promise"! Music for YKS is courtesy of the Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research (if any of them made you mad) by the dastardly Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Executive Producer PBostrom. This episode of YKS is brought to you by Manscaped. They got some good stuff over there as far as trimming up your shit goes. Check it out at Manscaped.com and use the promo code YKS to get 20% off your order and free shipping. Cool.Want more YKS? Well, you have to go to the Patreon page and sign up! We're not going to send more of it to a bunch of people who don't want it. That would be a violation of the CAN-SPAM Act of 2003. This week we're breaking down the Kickstarter episode of Family Guy, watching some YouTubes, and showing Weird Al how it's done with some song parodies of our own. Plus a new round of campaigns to support on What The Fund?!?! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Episode 151: OJ's Place

Episode 151: OJ's Place

2020-06-0201:24:46

New schedule of YKS! How it's going for you so far? For us, it's going very well. Nobody asked! Fine! On today's YKS, we say goodbye to some beloved Nashville establishments, continue the pop culture conversation around #ReleaseTheJesseCut, and plumb the intellectual depths of sexual coffin scenarios. Plus, an update on butter tech, finally figuring out who the good cops are, and bringing values back to country music. What a jam-packed episode....I scarcely believe you could come up with a better way to spend 90 minutes. I overheard a very learned scientist saying that about the show. And I trust those guys, don't you?! Music for YKS is courtesy of The Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Hey if you want more YKS, head on over to the YKS Premium Membership VIP Area and download yourself some bonus episodes. You might hear us talking to Sarah Squirm, or our friends John and Stefan from Blocked Party, or it might be an episode where we sit down and suck on a big long noodle and end up kissing in the middle. But now! You also have access to ad-free YKS, the YKS newsletter, the YKS discord and much (kind of) more. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Hey, it's Monday....what the...???? Haha. That's what you sound like right now. First of all, relax. Calm down. It's a joke. Actually, it's not a joke at all. It's real and it's the future of YKS. We're doing Mondays now, alright? Try to keep up. This week on the show Mike and JF are talking about Donald Trump's big wet booty hole, the Problems with Movies (numerous), and some vicious hand to hand combat between members of the expanded YKSiverse. It's pretty good and plus, it's on Monday, which is nice as well. So check it out. Music for YKS is courtesy of The Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. This week's episode is sponsored by Wipers123. I'm tellin' ya what, if you need windshield wipers for your car, Wipers123 seems like a good place to get 'em. And ya might as well use promo code YOURKICKSTARTERSUCKS for $10 off while you're there. If you need new wipers on your car, I mean. Which....maybe you do! I don't know! YKS Premium returns on Friday. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
On today's YKS...The first use of italics in an episode description that I can recall, so that's big news. Plus! Should we be celebrating the vulva? Many people are saying, "Yes! With a book!" Thankfully, our friend Lil' Evan is here to save the day. And we've got so much more than that....we're talking about the Jetsonification of breakfast, we're talking outer body experiences, we're talking bad usernames, we're talking DOG SHIT. We got it all today baby. Tune in or get tuned up.Music for YKS is courtesy of the Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research is courtesy of Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Let's all hit the dab for our friends who make the show possible. Now that was a damn good episode. What was your favorite part of it? Let us know by emailing in: Email@email.com. But if you're not subscribed to YKS Premium on Patreon, you're missing out on (approximately) half the Mike and JF shenanigans you could be getting every week! Last week on YKS Premium, comedian and Real Housewives apologist Sarah Squirm rang us up to talk about Jackass stunts and be subjected to a Quarantine Edition of the Jokeblogger Top 10. It was pretty good! And now this week, we'll be doing another episode. It won't be as good, but, you gotta understand, people are busy right now. So that's why probably.Finally, this week's absolutely cool and kick-ass episode of YKS is brought to you by Manscaped. Now look you don't need me to tell you this, but they make good stuff, and if you wanted to try the whole thing out and help your buddies at YKS out in the process, you'd go to the website and get the stuff and use the promo code YKS to get 20% off and free shipping. Yeah they'll let you check out without it but I wouldn't recommend it! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Paint drying may be the famously boring thing to watch happen....but what if you only listened to the part that happens before you even get to paint! That is today's episode in a nutshell, as Mike and JF discuss the finer points of drywall repair, the disease of serial inventorship, the great democratization of sub-South Parkian animation software, and political protest poems (with fiddle accompaniment). Bye Bye Virus! Music for YKS is courtesy of the Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium this week is a doozy....Mike and JF are joined by the very nice and funny Sarah Squirm to talk about reality TV bullshit and do the JokeBlogger Top 10. It's very stupid to subject your good guests to this! But that's what you have to do sometimes, if you want to (???) and (???). Anyway check it out. On Thursday, when it comes out. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
A smarter butter dish....innovative design...a magnet to hold the included knife. If only life were this simple! Some would say that it is, and those people are making lots of money selling products online. On today's YKS, we actually talk about some of these crazy products, with a bit of a critical eye, to let you, the skeptical consumer, learn something, or whatever. And that is how you make a show. Music for YKS is courtesy of the Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. This week on YKS Premium, the debut of an all-new YKS Premium Special Event Series: Rubbish Lads. Mike and JF's tour through the sordid world of British Trash TV. First up is Naked Attraction, a show featuring 6 nude contestants and one potential date to judge their balls and asses and cooters. They got some good TV over there folks, so let's enjoy it together. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Ohhh now this is so nice. It's another episode of YKS. This week on the show, I didn't take too many notes during recording because we were having such a good time. So that right there should tell you something. But it says here on the official episode outline that we talked about a Covid-19 coin, a combination cup + bluetooth speaker, and playing cards that, let's just say, the average simpleton won't be comprehending anytime soon. That would be enough, matter of fact, it would be MORE than enough than many people deserve now of days, but we did even more than that. And you'll have to listen to the episode to find out what, if anything, I am talking about. Thanks everyone. For doing what I said. Music for YKS is courtesy of the Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Today's episode is sponsored by Manscaped. For 20% off and free shipping, use promo code YKS at check out. Pretty good. Gotta use the promo code though. Otherwise I can't help ya. And as always, you can find even more YKS on the YKS Premium Patreon page. There's some good stuff on there. Of course, not every single thing is great. We're not batting 1.000. But it's like Christmas. You get a few good ones and the other ones can sit up in the attic for a while. Or you throw it away. Maybe one of em is exactly what you needed. That's why YKS Premium is like Christmas, which was, if I remember correctly, the question. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Headed on down to South Park gonna have myself a time....oh damn! It's the South Park Guys. Carman and everyone. They are here and they are ready to equal opportunity offend. But First! Nearly 90 minutes of two sad guys in their houses going "Uhh". On today's show we've got stupid snack innovations, more coffee trash from the coffee trash heap, some virus cash-ins, and a few things Mike pretends to actually like for some reason. So, again, get through all that and we will have you back with Kenny and The Gang in no time, finding out how he died, assuming they still do that thing. Which I'm pretty sure they do, unless the guy who does the voice for him became a Scientologist. Alright. Enjoy the (South Park) show. Music for YKS is courtesy of the Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Hey for more YKS check out YKS Premium on Patreon. Not gonna twist your arm about it but you might like it. I don't know. What other kind of stuff do you like? See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Hello everyone, it's Mike and JF here and it's time to transition from the introduction part of the show notes to the early midpoint of the show notes. Wow we're already here. This is awesome. On today's show we're talking about the same stuff as usual, but with some very slight differences. We've got stupid shit for kids, condescending board games, cynical cash-ins, insane ramblings (and not just from the hosts!), political points of view exposing much of the population as foolish babies, and some dumb inventor guy. We even fit more stuff in there as well, but I find that listing it all out takes a lot of time and I don't think anyone reads this except the little Google robots that scan text to put in ads. So hello to our friends the Google robots. Please enjoy the show if you possess the higher order thinking required. Not all that high really.Music for YKS is courtesy of the Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. For more YKS, check out YKS Premium ONLY on Patreon! This week, we've got another classic crossover episode with our friends from Blocked Party, Stefan Heck and John Cullen. Tune in to hear their minds melt as they attempt to solve a series of psychotic puzzles from another dimension (multiple choice questions about sports) in the YKS Who Wants to Be a (Multi-) Millionaire Challenge! That's right folks, this intercontinental rumble is for all the All-Dressed Tostitos. Plus, whenever those turds put up their bonus episodes, we're on there as well! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Episode 143: Mike's Way

Episode 143: Mike's Way

2020-04-0701:37:26

Ohhhhhh!!! Another one! This week on YKS, Mike and JF are talking sex tapes, dick pics, wasting your life, and some actually maybe kind of okay (?) Kickstarters? Maybe that was a mistake. But we have to go do some other shit now so this is the ep, and we are Boss Bitches so deal with it!!Music for YKS is courtesy of the Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan.For more YKS, including the incredible Munch Madness and Barf Madness tournaments, check out the YKS Premium Patreon. Every single fuckin week one of these things goes up on there. So if you want to, go give us a little cash and listen to em. Thanks. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
Episode 142: Goovis Young

Episode 142: Goovis Young

2020-03-3101:28:07

Oh no they did another YKS! It's a remote episode of course, which is fine. On this week's show we're trying out new intros, NOT going to the store, and doing hammer violence. It actually is remarkably similar to a normal episode of the show, which is either good or bad depending on if you like the show normally or not. Either way, you can't deny that it's here now. And it's better than going outside and licking stuff.Music for YKS is courtesy of the Hell Yeah Babies, Craig Dickman, Howell Dawdy, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. For more YKS, check out YKS Premium on Patreon. That's the nice place to go if you want to support the show and get more stuff from us. And since everyone's sitting around all bored, we unlocked two episodes for the gen. pop to check out, both sports episodes with our friend Chris James. Get em Here and Here. And thanks for listenin. See ya. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
The YKS remote recording setup is not yet ready to go (we hired the Joe Biden guys), so for today we'll be releasing a classic YKS Premium episode from the archives. Originally released 2/8/19, this episode with the one and only Chris James touches on the NBA trade deadline (remember when we had sports?) and contains the first review of my rec league hoops performance. Look for Part 2 of that conversation to be released later this week, and as always if you need more YKS on your Pono Player, you can subscribe to YKS Premium on Patreon. Which would rock. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.
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Comments (15)

Elliot Werner

hhh

Jun 19th
Reply

GRR

5starr 5star

May 18th
Reply

fatman

im love mike and jf 😎

Apr 1st
Reply

Paul Blanda

this is the best episode of any podcast.

Mar 7th
Reply

cynicoma

if I already used castbox to listen to yks will I get free premium access I assume so thanks im advance!

Feb 6th
Reply

Anthony Doritos

Nicky Wigs? Yes please

Jan 23rd
Reply

John Julian

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I am will have the same thing to you 4r, gas& , as ,, rx

Dec 25th
Reply

cynicoma

what the eff? is this a weekly pod now?

Nov 13th
Reply

Billy

My first episode and now I want to listen to them all.

Nov 3rd
Reply

Paul Blanda

this is an amazing episode from an amazing podcast.

Oct 18th
Reply

Paul Blanda

the absolute best podcast

Jul 24th
Reply

Victor Kipnis

the only podcast i look forward to listening to

May 6th
Reply (1)

Brian Weir

it's good

May 5th
Reply

erik badbransoff

truly the best podcast to listen to with headphones on

Mar 27th
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