Terrible Book Club

We finally got around to checking out this 2023 BookTok phenomenon thanks to our Patron Austin, who described Legends & Lattes as, "a cozy and wholesome story about overcoming your past and settling down to...side with the mob threatening to burn down your establishment.” Despite the nerdy theme, the focus today is more on the cozy than the fantastical. Our poisoned expectations are completely subverted and we've rarely been so delighted. In addition to our usual barnyard language, we warn you that this discussion will make you think about how you could really go for one of those right now.  Musings and derailments in this episode include: Dunkin’ Orcnuts, Squirrel alarms, language failures, Fren-talian gnomes, the extended Mr. Rat family, and our jubilance over not having to read pornography becomes mildly pornographic in our delirium. *Local primaries and the general election are both coming up fast! Head to vote.org to check your voter registration, register to vote, preview your next ballot, or request a mail-in or absentee ballot.*

This time, we read stuff NOT for TBC, listened to music, watched TV and movies, and played video games! After a failed guest episode, we had to fill the schedule so we decided to do another recap of the non-TBC books, music, and video games we've enjoyed so far this year like we did at the end of last year. If this is your first time listening to this show, maybe choose another episode because today we’re talking about our personal media consumption so far in 2024, so you’ll (mostly) hear about things we actually liked for once. Musings and derailments in this episode include: our love for the Hendrick’s seasonal collection and the Polar Summer Seasonal 2024 flavor line-up; can sexy clowns enter into the Clown Registry? the best and only use for AI; heavy metal doctors; sneaking Andrew Tate into trad metal playlists on YouTube; and Skibidi Toilet Trees. *Local primaries and the general election are both coming up fast! Head to vote.org to check your voter registration, register to vote, preview your next ballot, or request a mail-in or absentee ballot.* Books (3:35): Piranesi by Susanna Clarke Grave Goods & A Murderous Procession from The Mistress of the Art of Death series by Ariana Franklin What My Bones Know by Samantha Foo Dungeon Crawler Carl series by Matt Dinneman Shadow and Claw by Gene Wolfe The Serpent’s Tale by Ariana Franklin The Deep by Daveed Diggs, Rivers Solomon, and William Hutson Egg: A Dozen Ovatures by Lizzie Stark Things You May Find Hidden in My Ear by Mosab Abu Toha A Fool and His Money by Anne Wroe Drinking Coffee Elsewhere by ZZ Packer The Meursault Investigation by Kamel Daoud  Music (48:40): Heavy Music: Ulcerate - Cutting The Throat Of God Vitriol - Suffer And Become Aborted - Vault Of Horrors Wormed - Omegon Entheos - “All for Nothing” Gaerea Vulvodynia Wormhole Smothered Sun Pathogenic Cognitive Ice Giant Leylines Crypt Sermon - The Stygian Rose Savage Oath - Divine Battle Writhen Hilt - Ancient Sword Cult RHÛN - Conveyance in Death Hulder - Verses in Oath Houle - Ciel Cendre et Mis​è​re Noire Myth Carver - “Crimson Terrain” & “King of the Pyre” Triumpher - Storming the Walls Demon Chrome - Hung, Drawn, and Quartered The Watcher - Your Turn to Die Electronic, Pop, & Other: Emil Rottmayer oDDling  Hotel Pools A.L.I.S.O.N. Jim Kirkwood Maggie Rogers Sabrina Carpenter Obscurest Vinyl - “I Glued My Balls To My Butthole Again” & “You Look Like You Could Use a Fuckin’ Lamp” Vivid Bloom - Out of Focus Glass Beams - Mahal Movies/TV (1:29:40): House of the Dragon, Delicious in Dungeon, Fallout, The Boys, Great Pottery Throwdown, The Acolyte, Fargo, Blue Eye Samurai, Dune Part Two, Mad Max: Furiosa, Late Night with the Devil Video Games (1:59:50): Final Fantasy VII Rebirth, Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree DLC, Gobsmacked

A fateful tweet last summer by the author themselves brought this book into our terrible orbit. At first glance, it looked like a short read by someone with expertise in the field they were writing about, so we figured why not? We've never done a travel book on the show! Little did we know: our passports were about to be stamped for a journey on a AI-fueled train to capitalist hell. Today's episode includes our usual barnyard language and some references to colonialism and sex. Please Note: Chris accidentally mispronounced Cristiano Rinaldo's first name as Christian throughout the entire episode. Whoops!

This week we discuss Home Grown Worries by Alex Donahue. We reviewed Alex’s other book, Leon & Chris, back in Episode 114 in 2022; he’s hoping that this is an improvement on that one as this is its spiritual successor. In turn, this episode is our spiritual successor to Episode 114. Once again, Donahue's book has great art for kids and it seems like he actually took some of our advice from last time; gone are nearly all of the mechanical writing errors and tedium! While we didn't feel the core story was very captivating, we're impressed with Donahue's masochism. Never have we had an author ask us to review their work - and go through with it - twice. If anything, this is a sign that he has the fortitude to keep refining his work and succeed as an author. Musings and derailments in this episode include: the bounds of furry art, Castlevania, and singing the fake song in the book. In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode discusses violence and bullying between adolescents.

You may not think you know Mazes & Monsters by Rona Jaffe, but you certainly know its 1982 movie adaptation starring Tom Hanks in his first leading role (which you can watch along with us on our Patreon). We wondered if anyone would ever request this book and that day has finally come thanks to our patron Lucek. Thanks for all of your support, Lucek (and for being patient with us when we had to ask you for a second and third choice this year due to some unfortunately timed crossover in our patron requests)! Today's episode is all about D&D and LARPing, plus we wonder about what makes a sexy mouth, rules in 70s dorms, who exactly is named 'Hall', and why we need to know this much about everyone's parents. Despite some real truths and emotional realism in some respects, this story is far too steeped in Satanic Panic nonsense. It's also hard to forget that this book trafficked in sensationalism and profitted off of James Dallas Egbert, III's brief disappearance in 1979 and his eventual tragic death in 1980. Musings and derailments in this episode include: D&Tea and the potency of Many World's Tavern Chamomile, and our personal music and video game updates: Play Gobsmacked! Listen to Blood for the King and Divine Battle from Savage Oath's Divine Battle Listen to Down in the Hollow from Crypt Sermon's The Stygian Rose Remember that if you, too, would like to have us read and review a book of your choice on the show, you can gain that power by joining our Patreon at the appropriate tier.

Our patron Arrant has requested another non-fiction gem for their Patron's Choice episode this year. In How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of My Life, Dilbert-creator Scott Adams weaves together the strands of memoir and self-help and fills any extra space in this book basket with glue made of lies (seriously, he opens the book by telling you not to trust him) and a stunning lack of self-awareness. As always, capitalism is the ever-present ghoul, Paris is pissed at Jesus (moreso than usual), and together we learn that the real way to fail at everything is, perhaps, by going on unabashed racist tirades and doubling down rather than engaging in any self-reflection. We hope you enjoy the episode, Arrant, and thank you for your longtime, faithful support of the show! Remember that if you, too, would like to have us read and review a book of your choice on the show, you can gain that power by joining our Patreon at the appropriate tier.

Our patron Of The Void (The Taco Eating Unicorn of the Hot Springs) requested yet another Yahtzee Croshaw book in the hopes that we would enjoy it more than Jam, their Patron's Choice from last year. In that sense, this episode is a spiritual successor to Episode 177 where we return to Yahtzeeworld, but feel like we landed on a different continent this time. We're steeped in video game/MMORPG and fantasy tropes today, Chris is ashamed of his newfound addiction to Dungeon Crawler Carl, and Paris is alarmed that she is perhaps too good at voicing a sleazy character.  We hope you enjoy the episode, Mr. Taco Eating Unicorn of the Void and the Hot Springs, and thank you so much for your unrelenting support of the show! Remember that if you, too, would like to have us read and review a book of your choice on the show, you can gain that power by joining our Patreon at the appropriate tier. Good book alert: This is your semi-annual reminder that if you haven't read the Mistress of the Art of Death book quintet by Arianna Franklin, get to it! We've mentioned the series many times but have both finally dived back in to finish out the other 4 books recently and can't help but remind ya'll to give it a try.

It's time for the ultimate 1990s crossover - X-Men and Star Trek, united at last! We discuss our experience reading 1998's Planet X by Michael Jan Friedman, as per the request of our Patron Fred. For once, we actually want more romance between two characters and just want there to be some stakes in a story, but I guess that's hard when you're working with popular intellectual property. Paris & Chris swap personalities, we remember Orbitz, and Paris Does Math About It™. We hope you enjoy the episode, Fred, and thank you so much for supporting the show! Remember that if you, too, would like to have us read and review a book of your choice on the show, you can gain that power by joining our Patreon at the appropriate tier.

Our Patron Robin requested that we read and discuss VenCo for today's episode. Although they did not request the Antiques Freaks to be here, we felt we needed their support (and knowledge of antique spoons). Thanks so much for your longtime patronage, Robin, and we hope you enjoy our unhinged review with surprise guests! Remember that if you, too, would like to have us read and review a book of your choice on the show, you can gain that power by joining our Patreon at the appropriate tier. Although this one wasn't to our taste, we encourage you to check out other books and stories by Cherie Dimaline (https://www.cheriedimaline.com/books) and to support indigenous and marginalized authors and creators generally! 

Our Patron BeastwiththeLeast requested that we read Rena Vale's Taurus Four from 1970. How could such a dusty, seemingly insignificant sci-fi paperback have roused so much ire? Get your spacesuits on for a journey through misogyny, weed fear-mongering, and communist hysteria on planets near and far! Thanks so much for your support, BeastwiththeLeast, and we hope you enjoy the episode. Remember that if you, too, would like to have us read and review a book of your choice on the show, you can gain that power by joining our Patreon at the appropriate tier. References: Thanks be to the gods of academia (and Mr. Deutsch) for preserving this thesis for us to use for background on the show today: Against the red tide: Rena M. Vale and the long red scare in California by Christopher Robert Deutsch

Today's episode features a book that many folks have asked us to read, but it took our brave Patron Miles to finally force us to do it. At last, we've read the famous satirical Obama/Biden crime thriller from 2018 and, honestly, it could've been a lot worse. Thanks so much for your support, Miles, and we hope you like the episode! Remember that if you, too, would like to have us read and review a book of your choice on the show, you can gain that power by joining our Patreon at the appropriate tier.  

Today's episode is Part 2 of our childhood nostalgia retrospective! We each chose a book for each other from a series we loved as kids. Paris remembered reading several books in the Dear America series, so Chris chose Down the Rabbit Hole - The Diary of Pringle Rose for our second nostalgia adventure. We actually found ourselves really enjoying this one, so this week's episode is a completely different experience from last week with The Hardy Boys.    

Today's episode is Part 1 of our childhood nostalgia retrospective! We each chose a book for each other from a series we loved as kids. Chris remembered reading all of The Hardy Boys series, so Paris chose The Witchmaster's Key for our first return trip to childhood. Prepare yourselves for 1970s Satanic Panic absurdity in the UK, complete with evil dentists, rubber masks, the reddest of herrings, and a scene straight out of Misery! Join us next week for Part 2 where we discuss our experience reading something from Paris's beloved childhood book series, Dear America.

We read Butch for today's episode at the request of listener Os who emailed us last year saying,"A while ago, I read a book that, while incredibly badly written, still somehow left me feeling for the protagonist, because all the other characters are (in every sense of the word) ridiculously homophobic. It's called "Butch" by Jay Rayn. It's a "life story thus far" type of book about a butch woman who constantly ights discrimination in the most cartoonish ways possible and romances just about every woman she meets. I'm 99% sure this is just a veiled attempt at rewriting her own biography by the author. Maybe this can be a fresh bad taste for your reading palate. Best, Os (a listener who bought that book thinking it was actually a big deal for butch culture, only to realize they had been tricked by the self-publishing author).” References & Thanks: "G.I. Joes in Barbie Land": Recontextualizing Butch in Twentieth-Century Lesbian Culture by Sherrie A. Inness & Michele Lloyd https://www.ncsby.org/content/normative-sexual-behavior Thanks to Tris for consulting on this episode and helping us navigate Butch identity In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion or mention of: homophobia, racism, and sexual assault.

This time, we read How it Unfolds (Far Reaches Book 1) by James S.A. Corey, published by Amazon Original Stories in 2023. Chris really enjoyed The Expanse by Corey, so he was looking through other works by them and found this short story. Unfortunately, though, it had a description that made him think it was more suitable for TBC than for his personal reading adventures. Today's episode includes our usual barnyard language along with some discussions of sex and relationship dynamics.

Paris & Chris dive back into children's literature and find that Dr. Block may have written some of the healthiest relationship dynamics in all of the books we've reviewed so far for the show.

We had so much to say about Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire that we needed two episodes and an extra person to do it! If you haven't listened to Part One, we recommend going back and listening to last week's episode before listening to this one. This was recommended to us by The Good Witch of the Northeast, who made time to float in on a bubble to be our special guest for this two-part episode. In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion or mention of: ableism, pregnancy, parental abuse, racism, sex, & sexual assault.

We had so much to say about Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire that we needed two episodes and an extra person to do it! We'll finish up our discussion in Part Two which will be out next Tuesday. This was recommended to us by The Good Witch of the Northeast, who made time to float in on a bubble to be our special guest for this two-part episode. In addition to our usual barnyard language, today’s episode includes discussion or mention of: ableism, pregnancy, parental abuse, racism, sex, & sexual assault.

We've got another Amazon Double Feature for you! Today, we tackle two more pieces of book-like debris that Chris found in the bowels of an Amazon search, the criteria of which has been lost to time: Rathew Love Story: A Love Story by Argus G. Curiosity: A Book for Curious Minds by Bookinsky* (yes, the asterisk is in the author name) Paris goes on a methodology queen adventure as she and Chris discuss whether both of these authors are actually just AI. They also ponder if Paris will live through Season 9 due to the condition of her New England apartment. Over the last several seasons, we’ve structured our discussions into Things That Were Good and Things That Were Bad. For the first part of Season 9, we're trying out a rubric Chris created where we rate a book on each of the following categories on a 3-point scale of -1, 0 , or 1: Technical Construction (Typos, Formatting/Layout, Punctuation, etc.) Plot Construction & Content (Coherence, Rule Following, Character Quality) Moment-to-Moment (Quality of Prose & Dialogue, Overall Flow) Terriblo's Presence (Chaos Levels, Huh!? Factor, Please Help) Should This Exist? (Did the author meet their goal? Does it add anything new, interesting, or novel? etc.)

Ring in the new year with the Terrible Antique Book Freaks! The Antiques Freaks join us today to do a live read of The Getting Even of Tommy Dodd by William Hope Hodgson, a cross-dressing revenge fantasy on the high seas. We know it's not a Carnacki, and we know it's not even scary, but it's the best we can do having read all the 'nacks already. As usual, we're using Eye of Argon rules to read this and we encourage you to get out your Carnacki bingo cards and help us re-tool them for more generalized Hodgson tomfoolery. In addition to our usual barnyard language, this episode includes or makes reference to: sexual humor (including foot stuff) and some bad Victorian ideas and opinions, including pedophilia.