Connection Codes

Most of us think clutter is a stuff problem. Organizing coach Tracy Hoth has spent 18 years learning it's usually something else: a skill we were never taught, a belief we picked up as kids, or an emotion we'd rather not feel. In this conversation, Tracy, Dr Glenn, and Phyllis Hill talk about why hired organizers rarely make a lasting difference, why clutter tolerance causes so much conflict between couples, and what Phyllis discovered alone in a house full of boxes the Monday after a move. Then Tracy sits down with the Core Emotion Wheel for the first time — and finds out just how much was already in there.In this episode:•Why "we don't outperform our identity," and how to rewrite the "I'm just messy" story•Tracy's SPACE method: Sort, Purge, Assign homes, Contain, Energize•The simple definition of organized that brings people relief (hint: it doesn't look like Instagram)•Clutter tolerance, and why it causes so much tension in relationships•Co-regulation, cortisol, and why getting help with your home isn't a weakness•Why "overwhelmed" isn't an emotion, and what's usually underneath it.About Tracy Hoth: Tracy is an organizing coach with 18 years of experience helping people organize their homes, offices, and businesses. After becoming a certified life coach in 2018, she began combining the practical skill of organizing with mindset and identity work, because the systems only last when what we believe about ourselves changes too. She leads the Organize Life Academy, hosts The Organized Coach podcast, and works with clients one-on-one.Find Tracy: Website → https://simplysquaredaway.com/Free 15-Minute Declutter Challenge → https://training.simplysquaredaway.com/declutterResources mentioned:Free Core Emotion Wheel → https://connectioncodes.co/cewMasterclasses → https://connectioncodes.co/coursesThe Connection Codes Community → https://connectioncodes.co/community

We say it all the time: "You need to process that." But what does that actually mean? John Kilmer is back with Glenn and Phyllis to answer the question so many people are quietly asking, and the answer is simpler and more physical than you might think. Through Phyllis's childhood memory of being told she couldn't make a sound, her mother's pattern of getting sick after hard news, and John's year of crying in his car after 20 years without tears, this conversation shows what happens when emotion stays stuck in the body. You'll walk away with three simple ways to start processing today: move, breathe, and make a sound.In this episode:•What "processing" an emotion really means, and the three ways to do it: movement, breath, and sound•Why naming the core emotion out loud makes a difference (even at the grocery store)•The emotional dam: why a "breakdown" never really happens on a Tuesday morning•Phyllis's mom, the bronchitis pattern, and what unprocessed emotion can do to the body•John's tip for when you can't feel it yet: ask, "What would my body do if it felt this?"•Why getting outside helps, and why "nature is a big Ooh" About John Kilmer: John is an occupational therapist and Connection Codes certified coach with a deeply somatic, body-centered approach to emotional health. On his last visit, he led Glenn and Phyllis through the Core Emotion Wheel using sounds instead of words. He's currently writing a children's book about emotional health for families.Resources mentioned:•The Core Emotion Wheel → https://connectioncodes.co/cew•Find a certified Connection Codes coach → https://connectioncodes.co/coaches•Reach John Kilmer directly → mailto:[email protected]•John Kilmer's book documentary → https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUBjxH2k1Yg•Join our community → https://app.connectioncodes.co/

Elijah woke up one morning with a familiar weight on his chest. It was the start of the kind of heaviness that had cost him two to three weeks with his people, over and over, for years. This time he caught it. He named what was happening, and then he made the harder choice: he answered his wife Christina's call and let her in. Dr Glenn and Phyllis Hill unpack why isolation can feel safer than connection, why staying silent is less kind than speaking, and what it looks like to step out of psycholation and into relationship, sometimes in as little as three minutes.In this episode:•Why familiar pain (shame, heaviness, loneliness) can feel safer than letting someone in•Psycholation: the psychological isolation that turns a hard morning into a lost month•Catching the pattern early and using the Core Emotion Wheel to name what's happening•The "I don't want to burden them" myth, and why not telling is less kind•"You're communicating it either way": how silence gets filled in with nineteen wrong guesses•Phyllis on moving day: loneliness, tears, and the text that changed everything•Glenn on why we don't need to pathologize people in order to be present with themAbout Elijah Runyan: Elijah is a certified Connection Codes coach, directs the Connection Codes coaching program, and serves as COO in The Connection Codes, wearing many hats to keep the mission running. He has been married to Christina for 20 years and teaches couples and individuals the same tools he shares so honestly here.Resources mentioned:🛞Free Core Emotion Wheel → https://connectioncodes.co/cew🫂Join the Connection Codes community (free) → https://app.connectioncodes.co/signup?invite=getstarted🪢Connected Marriage master class → https://connectioncodes.co/courses💪🏽Connect with Elijah → https://www.runyanstronghealth.com/📧Questions? Email us at: [email protected]

Dr Glenn and Phyllis Hill are recording from a new house, surrounded by half-unpacked boxes, and the conversation turns to something some of us haven't fully unpacked either: grief. Phyllis opens up about the thirteen years since her mom died and the fact that she doesn't remember crying, or anyone asking her what was happening for her. Dr Glenn names the thing most of us do instead: spiritual bypass, where we throw a scripture or a prayer over someone's pain so the conversation can end and nobody has to feel it. It's rarely malicious. It's almost always well-intentioned. And it shuts people down anyway. This episode is about what it costs us, and what Jesus did instead when he stood outside Lazarus's tomb, already knowing how the story ended.In this episode:•Why mirror neurons make us rush to fix other people's pain and why it's not a faith thing; it's a human thing•Spiritual bypass: what it is, why it sounds so right, and how it ends the conversation•Phyllis on losing her mom at 90 and still not being ready and the questions nobody asked her•Jesus with Mary and Martha: he had the miracle in hand and still chose to weep first•"You can be totally correct and absolutely wrong at the same time"•Why no emotion is negative•What we teach kids when we say "you're fine" and why the 15-year-old won't open up nowResources mentioned:🛞The Core Emotion Wheel (free download) → https://connectioncodes.co/cew🖥️Our Blog: https://connectioncodes.co/blog🫱🏼‍🫲🏽Work with a Certified Connection Codes Coach → https://connectioncodes.co/coaches❤️‍🔥Connection codes courses → https://connectioncodes.co/coursesEmail us: [email protected]

Two weeks before we hit record, Andrew came home white-faced and said, "Are you sitting down?" He'd been let go with no warning, and because their family's entire life in the U.S. is tied to that one job, this wasn't a setback; it was a sinkhole. In this episode, our dear friends and certified Connection Codes coaches Andrew and Lara Pilcher let us in on the rawest two weeks of their lives: the fear, the shame of asking for help, the community that showed up, and what it looks like to run the Core Emotion Wheel when everything is actually on the line. It's tender, it's honest, and it's a picture of emotion as information in real time.In this episode:•Why Andrew's sudden termination is a "sinkhole, not a bump" — and how a visa clock changes everything•The moment Lara chose to sit in the pit with Andrew instead of fixing it•Owning your story: how Andrew wrote farewell letters to every colleague — even the one who let him go•"Social capital zero" — rebuilding friendship from scratch by throwing a wide net (and lighting a front-yard fire pit)•The shame that shows up around asking for help — and why the human condition is actually to ask•Phyllis' own dam break: naming a wave of sadness out loud and feeling her body change•Lara and Andrew wheeling it out live — anger, hurt, sad, glad, lonely, fear, guilt, and shame, all on the table. About Andrew & Lara Pilcher: Andrew and Lara are Australians raising their family in Atlanta, and certified Connection Codes coaches. Lara is a professional performer, author of Audacious Artistry, and speaker; Andrew is a physical therapist (and ICF PCC coach) who weaves the emotional layer into how he treats performers and clients in chronic pain. They've been part of the Connection Codes family since 2021.Resources mentioned:❤️ Support the Pilchers→ https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-with-pilcher-immigration-costs-after-andrew-lost-workConnect with Lara & Andrew→ https://larabiancapilcher.com/marriageCheck out our courses →https://connectioncodes.co/coursesCore Emotion Wheel (free download) →⁠https://connectioncodes.co/cew⁠