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There is a misconception that the abuse ends after you leave a domestic violence relationship.  Unfortunately, this is not the case, especially when you share children with them.  Your life will be affected in ways you may not have realized until you face a specific situation.  One of the issues that comes up for separated families is not knowing how to manage the holiday season as a separated family.  This can be difficult for any family who is recently divorced or separated but can be extremely difficult when you have separated or divorced an abusive partner.  It is typical in domestic violence relationships that the abusive partner will find a way to ruin important events, especially if the attention is drawn away from them and if the event or holiday is really important to you.Originally in recording this episode, it was an interview with a momma who has been out of her abusive relationships for years, and I thought we would be able to play it straight through as I typically do.  We were thrown a wrench in the situation and her abusive ex filed a motion a few days after we recorded which would make airing the episode in full potentially dangerous for my guest and her family.  And, my guest, we’ll call her Rachel, still wanted to share her experience and important information from our conversation.  So, we were creative and changed what we needed to change so that you can find ideas and inspiration in creating a special holiday time with your children while also keeping her safe.I hope you enjoy this episode.Where to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ https://www.pinterest.com/RisingBeyondPC Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/free.html
How often have you wondered if your narcissistic partner can change? In this episode, you will gain some insight and perspective to relieve this confusion, doubt, and other difficult feelings when your abusive ex-partner seems to have an amazing and healthy new relationship.You find out through Facebook stalking or when your ex-partner shows up to grab the kids for their parenting time and they are in another relationship.  And the relationship, from the outside, looks amazing and perfect.You might think, “there must be something wrong with me if they can have the relationship they promised me with this other person.”You think back to all of the things that you tried to fix the relationship and to support your ex-partner.  And it causes a lot of confusion and doubt about who you are and your level of blame for the abuse and the end of the relationship.Is it possible that their picture-perfect relationship is not as it seems?  Can they actually change?   Where to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ https://www.pinterest.com/RisingBeyondPC Our FREE Download:Free Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/free.html Where to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ https://www.pinterest.com/RisingBeyondPC Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/free.html
After experiencing domestic violence or narcissistic abuse, women typically feel completely beat down, broken and scared.  The idea of empowerment may not even seem possible.  And, my guest, Jaime Hobbs has worked with countless victims of domestic violence and other violence and has seen women become more confident and empowered in a single day.Jaime shares her experience with us as a self-defense and self-empowerment instructor including things like situational awareness and listening to our gut in order to stay safe.  Jaime also shares some tips in speaking with law enforcement after an abusive incident based in her experiences as an on-scene victim advocate for local law enforcement.Jaime was born and raised in Kansas City, Missouri and has made Colorado home since 2002. In addition to over a decade in Emergency Communications (911), trained in active shooter response, crisis negotiations, sexual assault response, and more, Jaime is also an on-scene Victim Advocate for two other local police departments and has a background in rape crisis and domestic violence assistance. Jaime co-owns Paragon Defense and has been teaching women's safety and self defense in both the private and public sector since 2012.Find More of Jamie Here:Website - https://www.paragonselfdefense.com/FaceBook - https://www.facebook.com/paragondefensecoloradoInstagram - @paragondefenseWhere to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ https://www.pinterest.com/RisingBeyondPC Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/free.html
As you heal from domestic violence or narcissistic abuse it is common to start reevaluating the relationships in your life.  You may start to notice that there are others in your world that are abusive to you in different ways which may cause a lot of hurt and anger.In this episode you will get some ideas on how to assess your current relationships and how they either positively or negatively affect your life.  With this new information, you will then be able to decide what role these people will get to play in your life and the lives of your children.We discuss the difference between going no-contact and having a detached contact in your relationships and will offer different strategies for making this decision and how to hold firm to your decision.  Some of the strategies for maintaining a detached relationship are:Asking yourself what support you will need to maintain emotional distance while being in the presence of the personIdentifying and challenging your cognitive distortionsLearning to regulate your nervous system and trauma responsesManaging your expectationsUsing radical acceptanceShow LinksBook: Healing From Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomashttps://www.amazon.com/Healing-Hidden-Abuse-Recovery-Psychological/dp/0997829087/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2MPSD4CEYN4W0&keywords=healing+from+hidden+abuse&qid=1665419749&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIyLjQyIiwicXNhIjoiMS45NyIsInFzcCI6IjEuODgifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=healing+from+%2Caps%2C177&sr=8-1Where to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ ...
It can be extremely difficult to set boundaries after you have experienced domestic violence or narcissistic abuse.  Your partner crossed every boundary you have ever tried to set and conditioned you to give up your boundaries with them altogether.  And, boundaries are an important part of the healing process from relationship abuse and can help prevent you from being taken advantage of in the future.  In this episode, you will learn the importance of setting firm and compassionate boundaries for your future life and relationships and how setting boundaries positively affects your self-worth.This episode will provide tangible tips for setting boundaries that you can use immediately to help you feel more confident during this process.  These tips are:Slowing things downBecoming AwareMaking a list of prioritiesStaying on topicPlanning aheadMaintaining realistic expectationsPractice, practice, practiceSetting and following through with consequencesShow Links:Boundaries of Steel: A Workbook for Managing and Recovering from Toxic Relationshipshttps://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Steel-Workbook-Recovering-Relationships/dp/1734571438/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3GYF97PYGE8MD&keywords=boundaries+of+steel+by+cathy+wilson&qid=1665419079&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIwLjAwIiwicXNhIjoiMC4wMCIsInFzcCI6IjAuMDAifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=Boundaries+of+s%2Caps%2C178&sr=8-1Where to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ https://www.pinterest.com/RisingBeyondPC Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/free.html
Bringing home a new baby is hard and can cause a strain on your relationship with your partner.  But is the strain and conflict normal in your relationship or is it abusive?If there is domestic violence or narcissistic abuse in your relationship, you will not only experience the “normal hard” of bringing a baby into your family, you will likely experience a significant increase in abuse and lack of help in taking care of your new child.Christie and I discuss what the “normal hard” looks like, some steps you can take to improve your relationship with your partner, what abuse may look like in this situation, and what you need to look for to make decisions about remaining in your relationship.Christie Sears Thompson, LMFTAs not only a therapist but also a wife and mother, I have seen first-hand the importance of a strong family foundation. My main goal in forming The Partnerhood coaching program and working with couples in my private practice is to help couples achieve genuine connection, communicate more effectively, and create the relationships they want to have so this foundation can carry them through the storms that life will inevitably throw at them.Websites:www.thepartnerhood.comwww.tradewindstherapy.comThe Partnerhood Workbookhttps://www.amazon.com/Partnerhood-Workbook-resources-knowledge-successful/dp/B08QBPSBDF/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1AY59OIIKH9TG&keywords=The+partnerhood+workbook&qid=1662222198&sprefix=the+partnerhood+workbook%2Caps%2C156&sr=8-1Where to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ ...
Shame is the bread and butter of a narcissistic and abusive partner.  It prevents you from leaving the relationship by decreasing your self-worth and maintaining the secrecy of the abuse.Our lizard brains are constantly looking out for signs of danger vs safety and will have us behave in ways to maintain as much safety in any given situation, even if it doesn’t feel congruent with your value system.  As a way to manage the state of cognitive dissonance, your brain may also focus on the positive times with your partner rather than the abuse.  So, the behaviors we do make sense in the situation and may not feel positive to you now that you are out or as you are evaluating your role in the relationship.In this episode, you will learn ways to start to decrease the shame you hold that is stalling your healing process.  Stop comparing your current self that understands how abusive relationships work with the before youStart challenging your shameful thoughts Reframe the behaviors that feel shameful as survival strategiesSharing your shame stories with safe peopleWhere to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ ...
One of the least talked about forms of abuse is spiritual abuse.  Spiritual abuse is when one person attempts to exert power and control over another person using religion, faith , or beliefs and can be an element of domestic violence, child abuse or elder abuse.  Danielle and I discuss the systemic nature of spiritual abuse and how it continues within different organizations and allows abusive people a place to hide.  Danielle shares her experiences of spiritual abuse and some steps you can take to become aware if you are experiencing spiritual abuse and how to get out of an abusive situation.Danielle Patterson is the clinical director of The Patterson Center for Resiliency located in Colorado Springs, Colorado. She holds a Masters of Social Work and is passionate about helping youth and adults overcome trauma. Danielle was previously a youth pastor although has since left the church and helps individuals recognize and overcome spiritual abuse.You can find Danielle atwww.thepattersoncenter.orgMore information about spiritual abuse: https://theallendercenter.org/category/podcast/spiritual-abuse/BOOK - Let the Children Come: Preparing Faith Communities to End Child Abuse and Neglect by Jeanette Harder:  https://www.amazon.com/Let-Children-Come-Preparing-Communities/dp/0836195183/ref=sr_1_4?crid=3SEMCI41CL8GG&keywords=let+the+children+come+book&qid=1661203239&sprefix=let+the+children+come+boo%2Caps%2C307&sr=8-4Where to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ ...
Something needs to change in your relationship because you can’t go on living like this.  So, you decide to try couples therapy. Unfortunately, this may be the worst thing that you could do if you are experiencing domestic violence or narcissistic abuse.  In this episode, you will learn why couples therapy is contraindicated if you are in an abusive relationship.  The lack of training around domestic violence and narcissistic abuse in the mental health communityHow couples therapy will be used as an arena for further abuseHow accountability will be shifted from your abusive partner to youThe ways a couples therapist will be distracted from the power and control dynamics of the relationshipAnd if you do decide to try couples therapy with your partner, you will get some tips to do this more safely.Show Links:Big Little Lieshttps://www.hbo.com/big-little-liesWhere to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ ...
Would you call yourself a people pleaser? This fourth trauma response, fawning, is extremely common for victims and survivors of domestic violence or narcissistic abuse as a way to stay safer in these relationships.This trauma response is when you abandon your own needs and sense of self to avoid conflict, criticism, and abuse; over time, you lose your sense of self altogether.Where does is response come from?Relational abuse that happens over time rather than single event traumaExperiences in our family of originOur personality traitsMessages from our cultureYou can reverse this type of trauma response by:Becoming mindful of your patterns of behaviors Validating your experiences and emotionsFinding your sense of self and your identityBuilding a safe inner circle of supportComplex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, Peter walker https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Pete-Walker-audiobook/dp/B07MK5F3KQ/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1CKU77RWXTAIL&keywords=complex+ptsd+from+surviving+to+thriving&qid=1661195925&sprefix=complex%2Caps%2C179&sr=8-1Where to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ ...
Why does it hurt so much when you are healing from domestic violence and narcissistic abuse?  Because you are grieving a relationship and a person that was not real.  It was all a scam!  And that is extremely hurtful and there is a lot of shame that goes along with it.In this episode, we are talking with Cathy Wilson, LPC about how abusive relationships and common scams and healing from them is so similar.  We discuss how the effects and consequences of them is similar, how people in our lives react to the situations are similar, and the similarities of the healing process.Cathy shares the first steps she uses to support people recovering from being scammed, which can also be used as the first steps to healing from relationship abuse.Find More About Cathy: Life Paths Counseling Scam Survivor Healing Website  You can also find her new series of videos for scam survivors on YouTube HERE Where to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ ...
Are you always on edge?  Constantly looking over your shoulder?Abusive relationships condition our brains to always be on the lookout for danger, keeping our cortisol levels high and exhausting our nervous systems.In this episode, we will look at the basics of our nervous system and how it has been affected by domestic violence and narcissistic abuse.  Using polyvagal theory, you will learn ways to move out of the fight, flight, and freeze states and into a more safe, secure, and connected state of being.Check out these links for a deeper understanding of your nervous system and the polyvagal theory.https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/safeandsound.htmlhttps://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3108032https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ec3AUMDjtKQWhere to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ ...
Do you still have to have communication with your narcissistic ex?  It’s likely that if you have children with your abusive ex, you will have to have some form of communication with them until your youngest child is 18 years old or even longer.  And if you are dealing with litigation as a form of post-separation abuse, it is really important that you figure out how best to communicate with your ex so that custody and decision making decisions are not negatively affected.Tips to communicate with your narcissistic ex:Slow…Things…DownStay On TopicUse BIFFUse the Speckled Rock Technique rather than gray rockWrite as if your Judge is CC'd Maintain Realistic ExpectationsDitch the EmpathyOther Helpful Resources:https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/biff-responseshttps://www.onemomsbattle.com/Where to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ ...
In this episode, Alana shares her story of living in narcissistic abuse including the post-separation abuse she is still experiencing today through legal and financial abuse.  We discuss things she would have done differently if she knew what she knows now, including leaving earlier, sharing her experiences with others, not going to couples counseling with her abuser, finding a therapist with specific experience with narcissism, and the playbook of a narcissist in family court.And, even if you have felt crazy in your relationship and believe the abuse is your fault, you can learn from her mistakes and experience and know that it wasn’t your fault.You can find Alana and her resources at:Alana's book, Was It My Fault?  www.amzn.com/B09MSKK8D3Alana's website: https://www.surthrivetribe.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/surthrivetribe and https://www.facebook.com/alanasharpsauthor Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/surthrivetribe and https://www.instagram.com/alanasharpsAlana's FREE Resources "How to Stop Narcissistic Bullying from a Co-Parent":https://freecoparentingreport.s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/5+Secrets+Stop+Narcissist+Bullying.pdfWhere to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ ...
Do you feel this extreme pressure to forgive your ex?  Do you have people tell you that once you forgive them you will finally be able to heal?How do you forgive someone who continues to abuse you every day and blames you for it?What if I told you that it is not clinically required to forgive your abusive ex to fully heal?  But that it is required to forgive yourself to fully heal.In this episode, we break down the three different types of forgiveness: exoneration, forbearance, and release.  We look at which type of forgiveness is best suited for different situations and how you can offer forgiveness to yourself.  Self-forgiveness is necessary to reduce the shame that is negatively impacting your life.Show Links:https://dreditheger.com/http://healmyshame.com/Where to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ https://www.pinterest.com/RisingBeyondPC Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/free.html
Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence in all the ugly tentacles of emotional, sexual, financial, and physical levels of abuse. Strong language could be usedHave you shared your story of domestic violence or narcissistic abuse with someone (or many people) and they look at you with disbelief?Or maybe they say something harmful or ask a harmful question because they believe the myths and misconceptions that are rampant about victims of relationship abuse.Caroline shares her story of surviving an extremely abusive relationship with things that seem unbelievable and what happens when you are finally believed.  She shares what it takes to heal and to be intentionally fearless as you start to rediscover who you are and deal with the trauma you have experienced.Contact Caroline at: MoveMomentsToHealing.com and receive your FREE PDF for how to jumpstart your own healing! You can connect with Caroline at: CarolineMarkelHammond.comYou can reach services for people navigating the sadness, worry, lies, screaming, fear and pain of toxic relationships at: SafeInHarmsWay.org If your workplace needs assistance in helping employees navigate abuse at home, Epizon Strategy Solutions can help. Contact Caroline for a FREE consultation at: EpizonStrategy.comWhere to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ ...
If you fear for your child’s safety when they are at parenting time visits with your narcissistic ex, you are not alone.You may also feel the frustration of your child coming home with expensive gifts or going on expensive trips, hearing how much fun their other parent is when you are having to manage all the day to day tough parts of parenting.Even though this is a tough situation, what if I told you that your children are safer if their other parent is a “Disneyland dad?”If you have to send your child to visit with their other parent who has been abusive, having them take on the “Disneyland dad” role will actually keep them safer based on the needs and desires of a narcissist.  Listen to the discussion to learn why this is safer and ways that you can stomach this horrible dynamic in order to keep your children as safe as you can given the situation.Where to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ https://www.pinterest.com/RisingBeyondPC Our FREE Download a Roadmap to Communicating with your Narcissistic Ex https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/free.html
How do you find yourself in the aftermath of abuse?The systematic process of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse strips away your identity and sense of self.  The decisions you make while in your abusive relationship and often when you are dealing with post-separation abuse are based on your safety and the safety of your children.  You are conditioned to silence your needs and wants.How can you get your sense of self back?Listen to this episode to learn the first steps on how to regain your identity and sense of self.LINKSRuss Harris The Happiness Trap https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841Where to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ ...
In this episode, we are tackling mom guilt.  Mom guilt can be exacerbated when you have been criticized over and over again about your parenting by your partner, when you look at the effects of your children witnessing abuse in the home, or even more so if you are in the throes of family court with your narcissistic ex.Brooke shares how we were set up since birth to focus on the “shoulds” and what it means to be a “good girl through conditioning".  How we have a moving target of what it means to be a perfect mom that has real consequences in our lives from substance abuse concerns, isolation, and a loss of our sense of self.  Remember that where you are at is an okay place to be.Some of the ways Brooke shares to help rediscover who you are and decrease your mom guilt:Noticing what feels good in your body or what allows you to feel like yourself even for just a moment Remembering what you loved as a younger version of yourselfFollow what feels goodGive yourself permission to follow what feels good Follow and acknowledge even small moments when you feel safeReplacing one thing you dislike doing with one thing you enjoy, even for 10 min.Permission to normalize normal.Instead of following the moving target of being a perfect mom, remember that you are exactly who you need to be for your children.Find more from Brooke by going to:www.liveunperfected.comhttps://brookejean.thinkific.com/courses/3-tips-to-tackle-mom-guiltWhere to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ ...
There are reasons why anger makes survivors of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse uncomfortable unless it is anger directed inwards towards themselves.  Anger has not been a safe emotion in your relationship and so you have been conditioned to keep it in and forget about it.While it may be uncomfortable for survivors, from a clinical perspective it is a barometer of change and a measurement of an increase in a survivor's self-worth.  Listen to this episode if you need a reframe of the anger that you are experiencing and would like some ways to use this anger in a productive way.Where to find more from Rising Beyond:https://www.risingbeyondpc.com/ https://www.instagram.com/risingbeyondpc/ https://www.facebook.com/risingbeyondpowerandcontrol https://www.linkedin.com/in/sybil-cummin-lpc-acs-50537791/ ...
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