deadhecil

I don't remember that day, the first time I cried Perhaps, I knew that I'm going to face the dark in bright light To run through the life I never asked to This line is never ending and I'm frightened Orange cotton in the sky is looking me down Smiling at how I make mistakes At how stupid I am loving everyone, doing one-sided love in all time I learned to survive, but never know the way to give up One day, I screamed in the middle of the night Feeling alone, lonely, and all the negative stuff Wondering about the purpose of life Maybe it's because I'm in a quarter life Money, environment, death, politics, boys, and all flowers intertwined to midnight thoughts I'm looking forward to the edge of this life, it's freaking me out Started to think about the best way to stop breathing Fuck it, I need affirmation for no reason Everything makes no sense these days Is it just because I'm 25 or do I stop loving myself?

"House Fires" by Connor Franta It's so painful to be alive, I don't want to live and I don't want to die, it's so painful to be alive.  I met another boy and we fell in love, floated through the streets fell into linen sheets. I broke his heart before I could blink twice. maybe I'm trying too hard to be the bad guy, sprint away from my good side. am I ever good enough? what defines good enough? enough enough.  I'm better now and I'm too scared to let it stay this way.   let it go let it be let it grow.  I'm afraid no one will ever know me. Old friends watch me bleed, a new one set my soul free.   White line and sweet limes sour faces and wet spines we fade away with the stars.   God doesn't exist but what the hell do I know? fear is a choice, an unspoken pain only knows how to grow. I'm fucked up in the head after that night, I'll never be the same.   I fucked a bunch of men but I don't even know their names. I take another shot and I keep dancing.  I am nothing and I am everything.  I want to do all the wrong things, quit fighting with the right things. Sometimes all the good things leave me feeling next to nothing.   Time is a series of house fires, we're engulfed in the heat of yesterday and passion transports us into a heavenly state of mind.  Floating through success and under failure. Everything is as it will be and we're much greater than we once were.   Blazing, burning, taken to the earth but watch as we flourish brighter again and again and again.

Dia berjalan menyusuri jalan untuk mencari Tuhan, alasan untuk hidup, dan mencari dirinya sendiri.