Abraham Oros - The Recovering Escapist

January 26RIGOROUS HONESTYWho wishes to be rigorously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faults to another and make restitution for harm done? Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation and prayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying to carry A.A.'s message to the next sufferer? No, the average alcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn't care for this prospect — unless he has to do these things in order to stay alive himself.TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 24I am an alcoholic. If I drink I will die. My, what power, energy, and emotion this simple statement generates in me! But it's really all I need to know for today. Am I willing to stay alive today? Am I willing to stay sober today? Am I willing to ask for help and am I willing to be a help to another suffering alcoholic today? Have I discovered the fatal nature of my situation? What must I do, today, to stay sober?

January 25WHAT WE NEED-EACH OTHER. . . A.A. is really saying to every serious drinker, "You are an A.A. member if you say so . . . nobody can keep you out."TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 139For years, whenever I reflected on Tradition Three ("The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking"), I thought it valuable only to newcomers. It was their guarantee that no one could bar them from A.A. Today I feel enduring gratitude for the spiritual development the Tradition has brought me. I don't seek out people obviously different from myself. Tradition Three, concentrating on the one way I am similar to others, brought me to know and help every kind of alcoholic, just as they have helped me. Charlotte, the atheist, showed me higher standards of ethics and honor; Clay, of another race, taught me patience; Winslow, who is gay, led me by example into true compassion; Young Megan says that seeing me at meetings, sober thirty years, keeps her coming back. Tradition Three insured that we would get what we need — each other.

GETTING INVOLVEDThere is action and more action. "Faith without works is dead." . . . To be helpful is our only aim.ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 88-89 I understand that service is a vital part of recovery but I often wonder, "What can I do?" Simply start with what I have today! I look around to see where there is a need. Are the ashtrays full? Do I have hands and feet to empty them? Suddenly I'm involved! The best speaker may make the worst coffee; the member who's best with newcomers may be unable to read; the one willing to clean up may make a mess of the bank account—yet every one of these people and jobs is essential to an active group. The miracle of service is this: when I use what I have, I find there is more available to me than I realized before.

The Waves of Grief and MemoriesWhen you are mourning, emotions and memories come in waves.Ocean waves come and leave of their own accord. You cannot control them. Neither can you control the waves of emotions (or memories) when you are mourning. At times, emotions will be overwhelming and take you without warning. You won’t be done until they are done. It’s the same with memories. Memories you didn’t even know you had may arrive, seemingly from nowhere, and, again like waves, you are not in control of them. These waves will come and go according to their own course of time, heavier and harder now, and lighter in the future; but for today, you do not need to look to be anywhere but where you are.Rabbi Brian (https://rotb.org/)

Ben Shapiro, whatever you might think about him, is extremely intelligent. I’ve seen him provide what on the surface seem like valid arguments that back up his political leanings.I say that it’s surface level genius, because with a little deeper probing, the fallacy in many of his arguments are reasonably apparent.In this short video pulled directly from his YouTube channel, Ben says that the San Fran Gay Mens Choir did a song that was all about how they were going to take away your children, that they were going to endoctrinate them. He goes on to say that the proof is in the lyrics. He then refers to the line “We will convert your children.”Here’s that video:https://youtube.com/shorts/x9Zl8JKXbp8?feature=shareHis initial claim: “they were going to take away your children, that they were going to endoctrinate them” is, in my opinion, potentially misleading.Let’s put aside Ben’s view on homosexuality for this. I have learned a little bit about his philosophy (I don’t agree with it, but no matter) so I think I know better why he is saying this. However, I want to keep this rather simple and since his views often evoke lots of emotion, I’d rather just stick with commentary on this one video.Now why do I say this short video is potentially misleading?The lyrics he’s referring do in fact say that they will convert your children. But upon pulling up the full lyrics, it’s clear the context is such that by “convert”, they simply mean they will show them that there’s nothing to fear from gay people and thus convert to become gay-friendly.Ben does not disclose the full content of the lyrics but rather leaves it to the viewer to make their own conclusion based on his commentary and a few seconds of the song.It’s my opinion that this scenario fits the definition of misleading if the video was edited with the full context having been known. The reason why I said the phrase “potentially misleading”, is because the only person that knows if Ben’s words were absolutely misleading is not anyone probably ever watching this video.SummaryIt’s because of fear-motivated content like this one by Ben and his organization, that I could imagine some individuals are feeling emboldened to take certain intolerable and in some cases violent actions. {maybe show scenes from homophobic violence}. And since I believe in unconditional love for others, I not only disagree with Ben’s assessment of a society wide evil conversion of your children to homosexuality, but I think his organization is sensationalizing intolerance. I don’t typically watch videos with Ben Shapiro talking, but every so often they make their way into my YouTube recommendation queue and so I get exposed to some of his content. I certainly don’t agree with his logic on most things and especially on this topic. I will continue to preach love over fear, and inclusion and connectedness over separateness. And this short-video is a violation of that basic principle that I wish to hold.

The Reading:“In a fear state (dysregulated), there is a ‘shutdown’ of some of the systems in higher areas of the brain (e.g., cortical). This makes retrieval of previous linear narrative memory inefficient; a common example of this is test anxiety. The content has been stored, but in the moment (e.g., during the test), retrieval is not possible. When the person is regulated, and feeling connected and safe, the stored content is accessible and easier to retrieve.”— Dr. Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey (Book: What Happened To You?)

January 18“If I were to summarize in one sentence the single most important principle I have learned in the field of interpersonal relations, it would be this: Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”— Dr. Stephen R. Covey

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”― Howard Thurman

IT DOESN'T HAPPEN OVERNIGHTJanuary 13We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85 The most common alcoholic fantasy seems to be: "If I just don't drink, everything will be all right." Once the fog cleared for me, I saw—for the first time—the mess my life had become. I had family, work, financial and legal problems; I was hung up on old religious ideas; there were sides of my character to which I was inclined to stay blind because they easily could have convinced me that I was hopeless and pushed me toward escape again. The Big Book guided me in resolving all of my problems. But it didn't happen overnight—and certainly not automatically—with no effort on my part. I need always to recognize God's mercy and blessings that shine through any problem I have to face.

ACCEPTING OUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCESJanuary 12Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives.Provided we strenuously avoid turning these realistic surveys of the facts of life into unrealistic alibis for apathy or defeatism, they can be the sure foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress can be built.AS BILL SEES IT, p. 44When I am having a difficult time accepting people, places or events, I turn to this passage and it relieves me of many an underlying fear regarding others, or situations life presents me. The thought allows me to be human and not perfect, and to regain my peace of mind.

Spiritual Quote:Success is not rightly measured by the worldly standards of wealth, prestige, and power. None of these bestow happiness unless they are rightly used. To use them rightly one must possess wisdom and love for God and man.- Paramahansa Yogananda

UNITED WE STANDJanuary 10We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 30 I came to Alcoholics Anonymous because I was no longer able to control my drinking. It was either my wife's complaining about my drinking, or maybe the sheriff forced me to go to A.A. meetings, or perhaps I knew, deep down inside, that I couldn't drink like others, but I was unwilling to admit it because the alternative terrified me. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women united against a common, fatal disease. Each one of our lives is linked to every other, much like the survivors on a life raft at sea. If we all work together, we can get safely to shore.

AN ACT OF PROVIDENCEJanuary 09It is truly awful to admit that, glass in hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from us.TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21

Some AnnouncementsFriday’s will be Free-Form FridaysI’m going to talk about anything I wantToday I’m going to talk about MeGiving myself weekends off for nowA jobMoney?Help?Editing?You would like to submit related content?Perhaps you’d like to be interviewed…About Ryze mushroom coffeeAbout Me (Let’s get a bit personal)My HistoryAlmost 50 years oldGrew up a military bratHigh school in Germany4 Years in the Air ForceGovernment Contract Work in Multiple CountriesQuit Drinking Alcohol in 1998 in JapanAttended Therapy, Anger Management, & various Spiritual RetreatsOn my 3rd and Last marriageMy now wife is a saint. Saint Amanda.3 SonsEducationAttended University of Wyoming, Maryland, and Boise State University2 Bachelor Degrees - Applied Mathematics / Computer SciencePassed 2 Actuary Exams (But didn’t take the remaining 6 exams)Real Estate Investor / AgentCurrently enrolled in Masters in Counseling programPhysical Events I’m Proud OfIn high school, I finished a 100km Volksmarch in BelgiumSince then, Finished 6 half-marathons & 2 full marathonsFinished Sprint, Super, and Beast Spartan racesFuture GoalsTo affect positive and loving change in the worldTo live in SpainTo never be afraid of growth and change

 Spiritual QuotesIt is important to expect nothing, to take every experience, including the negative ones, as merely steps on the path, and to proceed. - Ram Dass 

BEGIN WHERE YOU AREJanuary 04We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs.ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 19 It's usually pretty easy for me to be pleasant to the people in an A.A. setting. While I'm working to stay sober, I'm celebrating with my fellow A.A.s our common release from the hell of drinking. It's often not so hard to spread glad tidings to my old and new friends in the program.At home or at work, though, it can be a different story. It is in situations arising in both of those areas that the little day-to-day frustrations are most evident, and where it can be tough to smile or reach out with a kind word or an attentive ear. It's outside of the A.A. rooms that I face the real test of the effectiveness of my walk through A.A.'s Twelve Steps.

POWERLESSJanuary 03We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21It is no coincidence that the very first Step mentions powerlessness: An admission of personal powerlessness over alcohol is a cornerstone of the foundation of recovery. I've learned that I do not have the power and control I once thought I had. I am powerless over what people think about me. I am powerless over having just missed the bus. I am powerless over how other people work (or don't work) the Steps. But I've also learned I am not powerless over some things. I am not powerless over my attitudes. I am not powerless over negativity. I am not powerless over assuming responsibility for my own recovery. I have the power to exert a positive influence on myself, my loved ones, and the world in which I live. 

FIRST, THE FOUNDATIONJanuary 02Is sobriety all that we can expect of a spiritual awakening? No, sobriety is only a bare beginning.AS BILL SEES IT, p. 8Practicing the A.A. program is like building a house. First I had to pour a big, thick concrete slab on which to erect the house; that, to me, was the equivalent of stopping drinking. But it's pretty uncomfortable living on a concrete slab, unprotected and exposed to the heat, cold, wind and rain. So I built a room on the slab by starting to practice the program. The first room was rickety because I wasn't used to the work. But as time passed, as I practiced the program, I learned to build better rooms. The more I practiced, and the more I built, the more comfortable, and happy, was the home I now have to live in.

"I AM A MIRACLE"January 01The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 25This truly is a fact in my life today, and a real miracle. I always believed in God, but could never put that belief meaningfully into my life. Today, because of Alcoholics Anonymous, I now trust and rely on God, as I understand Him; I am sober today because of that! Learning to trust and rely on God was something I could never have done alone. I now believe in miracles because I am one!